It is the Bakumatsu period, a time of conflict and chaos- both on the battlefield and in the hearts of men. Whilst the rest of the Choushu clan focuses on conflict, however, one man- Kusaka Touma- dreams of a prosperous future where Japan opens itself to foreign countries. Determined to see that future come to pass, Kusaka decides to study English by taking lessons from one Akizuki Keiichirou- a man who sparks feelings in Kusaka that run deeper than mere friendship. But Akidzuki is a member of the Tokugawa bakufu and thus an enemy to the Choushu clan; can the nascent love between these two men really bloom under these conditions, or is it merely doomed to tragedy?

Back in the days when Iroha was fuelling my interest in the Bakumatsu period, it seemed only natural to watch another OVA set in the same era; yes, there was a warning about yaoi content, but for some reason I convinced myself that that was only there to be on the safe side- surely there wouldn’t be anything full-on? Alas, such were the days of the innocence, but they were to be shattered the moment the two leads decided to surrender their virtue to each other. This wasn’t just HARD GAY, this was full hard yaoi, and even though it wasn’t especially graphic or explicit, it still marked it as a step beyond the likes of Meine Liebe.

Boys’ love aside, Winter Cicada can hardly be said to be the most original of tales; just swap the names Kusaka and Akizuki for, say, Romeo and Juliet, and you can pretty much guess how the whole thing is going to play out- our leads encounter each other and then meet a tragic, if not unexpected, fate. It’s all entirely standard, and the only real point of note is the change in tone across the three episodes- the opening instalment is packed with unintentional hilarity, but by the time the finale is reached, the whole thing has become downright depressing.

As to be expected, the only characters to be set above the level of generic are Kusaka and Akizuki themselves, the central figures in this tragic love story. Although in principle a reasonable amount of time is spent fleshing out their personalities, it still doesn’t make them particularly memorable- they are more tools for telling a particular story than distinctive characters in their own right.

Visually, Winter Cicada’s artwork is somewhat drab and bland- character designs are largely unattractive and only one step above generic, whilst the historical setting has already been realised better elsewhere. Meanwhile, background music remains generally bland and forgettable.

Final Thoughts
Although it cannot be said to be particularly poor, nor can Winter Cicada be said to be all that worthwhile, for ultimately we have all seen this story done better many times before. If you have a craving for yaoi, unintentional hilarity or a thoroughly depressing conclusion, you might just get something out of this, but in general it’s not something that many people will want to go out of their way to watch. In short, it’s not the worst OVA out there, but there’s still far better things to spend your time on.

“Don’t worry, for I am here in search of HARD GAY.”

“Truly you are living in sin, Akizuki.”

“Isn’t it correct that you would sleep with anyone now?”

“If you don’t like the idea of me sleeping with Kusaka, you had better service me instead.”

“That is, if you are even up to it anymore- your Liang must be worn away by now!”

“Here is a new Liang and a document of my favourite HARD GAY technique- be sure to become proficient by tomorrow.”

“He seemed desperate for HARD GAY.”

“I can’t let anyone else sleep with Akizuki!”

(“So, Aizawa wants to have me…what do I do?)

(“For now, I shall drown my sorrows by having HARD GAY with Kusaka.”)

“I’ve waited so long for you to regain an interest in HARD GAY!”

“Let us waste no time!”

“Commence HARD GAY!”

“Ignite the fires of passion within me once again!”

Without the budget for another sex scene, we instead cut straight to the morning after.

“They all want HARD GAY!”

This vase was an enemy of mankind, and had to be destroyed.

Soldiers rush to and from the bedroom in a desperate relay of HARD GAY.

“Hello, we’re here to inspect your Zhuge Liang.”

“Are you saying you doubt my size?”

“Someone who saw it says it is smaller than you claim- a mere Ezo, in fact.”

“They were just jealous!”

“Sir, we have found no evidence of an Ezo here.”

“Fine- tell the men to stop having HARD GAY and go back to HQ.”

“Well, your Liang may have passed inspection, but could it be that your secret lover is a bit too small?”

“Did you sleep with Akidzuki?”

“I merely told him that he would have to sleep with me if he wanted to spare you from becoming my lover!”

“No one sleeps with Akizuki but me!”

“I have fought hard to earn the money to upgrade my Liang, all for his sake!”

In true tragic fashion, Kusaka arrives just too late to stop Akizuki.

“Kusaka, I’m sorry; whenever our HARD GAY was poor or uncomfortable, I always blamed it on you, even though it was my Liang that was inadequate.”

For that true tragic effect, Akizuki pathetically crawls through the snow instead of just killing himself in the guest house.

“When we first met, you were so shy about HARD GAY.”

“I always felt guilty about transforming you into a ravening sex maniac.”

“I forced you to become my exclusive lover.”

“I knew you would be unwilling to take another partner as long as we were together, but I couldn’t just break up with you!”

“And now, to end it all with one last round of Hyper Self Pleasure!”

“Akizuki, wait! You were the only partner I ever wanted!”

“Don’t die! Now all you’re good for is CORPSE!”

“Wait- what’s this?”

“All this time he was using Viagra to keep up with my sexual appetite!”

“All I can do is kill myself so that we can have HARD GAY together in heaven!”

“What’s this? I thought at least one of them would live to give me HARD GAY, but now I only have CORPSE to look forward to!”

This week in anime, old series are finishing whilst new ones begin, and licensing forces me to resort to raws once again. The question is- will I ever get around to seeing the rest of Love GetChu and Shounen Onmyouji (surely not the hardest series to understand with or without subs)?

Reviewed this week: Darker than Black 11-12, Dennou Coil 6, Cazador 13, Nodame 22-3, RxJ 12, SaiMono II 12, Seirei no Moribito 12, Emma II 10-12, Winter Cicada 3, Zombie-Loan 1

…and in manga: Claymore 1-73, Claymore Side Story 1, Yotsuba& 47

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Dennou Coil (1) – makes 1337 look average
2. Emma II (2) – missed out vital parts, but satisfying ending <-complete!
3. Darker than Black (3) – good set up, worse pay-off
4. SaiMono II (4) – I hope we can get out of ER soon
5. Nodame Cantabile (5) – enjoyable overall <- complete!
6. Seirei no Moribito (7) – predictable but entertaining
7. Romeo X Juliet (6) – seems to be in a dull mid-phase
8. Sisters of Wellber (8) – needs more subbing
9. Koutetsu Sangokushi (9) – HARD GAY
10. Zombie Loan (-) too generic thus far <- new!
11. El Cazador de la Bruja (10) – getting dull again

OVA RANKINGS

1. Ichigo Mashimaro (1)- a slice of enjoyment
2. Winter Cicada (2)- tragic HARD GAY <- complete!
3. MariMite (3)- more HARD YURI than ever
4. Mai-Otome Zwei (4)- more fat cats, less nipples please

Darker than Black 11-12: We come infinitesimally closer to getting some explanations in this arc of Darker than Black, which sees Hei sent to infiltrate PANDORA (don’t even ask me to repeat what it stands for- it’s too ridiculous). Unfortunately, after some good setup in episode eleven, episode twelve feels a bit disappointing, basically coming off as a “this guy is the only suspect, he must have done it” resolution. That being said, the music helps to elevate episode twelve beyond its basic content, as does the confrontation between Hei and the character of the arc, although the ending remains a bit of a drug induced conclusion more worthy of Sunrise than Bones.

Dennou Coil 6: Dennou Coil stays on top form in this episode, in which Fumie and Yasako try to find out more about the relationship between Haraken and Satchii. Although the lack of Isako and presence of Kyoko means this isn’t the best episode of the series so far, it is still entirely worthy, with a hilarious exchange between Grandma and an old man at the hotsprings, some revelations about the origins of Satchii, and a look at Fumie and Yasako as they switch off their glasses for the first time in a year. Right now, it looks as if the series will be heading more in the direction of investigating illegal programs and their connection to a tragedy in Haraken’s past than investigating the idea of lost memories and erased data, but I’m still eager to see what happens next.

El Cazador de la Bruja 13: After the brief flicker of interest that made the last two episodes bearable, Cazador has slipped back into boring territory as it reaches the halfway mark. In this episode, our intrepid heroines venture into a compound apparently closed down after the populace contracted a fatal infection, but could the truth behind whatever happened here offer vital clues to Ellis’ past? In principle, this should be the point where the plot shows and starts to get going, but the way information is presented here makes it all exceedingly dull, and even an attempt at an action scene seems more like a half-hearted overture to necessity than something that really inspires the viewer to keep watching.

*COMPLETE* Nodame Cantabile 22-3: Having forgotten the rest of her piece, Nodame is forced to recompose it on stage- a move that will surely doom her chances in the competition, and possibly terminate her fragile interest in taking the piano seriously. Meanwhile, Chiaki and the Rising Star Orchestra put on one last performance before various key members leave to study overseas, but will Chiaki find the right moment to admit that he too is headed to Europe? Overall, this was a satisfying ending to a series that has had its ups and downs, and whilst I became disillusioned with it at times, there were always enough worthy elements to make me glad I stuck with it. Now, onwards to the manga.

Chiaki looks forward to the Pleasuring possibilities of Europe.

Romeo X Juliet 12: If the last few episodes are anything to go by, RxJ seems to have hit a mid-series lull, and it doesn’t seem ready to snap out of it any time soon. After a long and dull scene of our young lovers fawning over each, we finally cut back to the more interesting supporting characters of Neo Verona, only to quickly whip away when a HORSE-riding minor general of evil is sent to retrieve Romeo. Even in the original play, the leads pale in comparison to the supporting characters, and Gonzo would do well to heed this lesson if they wish to maintain my interest in this series (which obviously they don’t, since they couldn’t care less about me, but the point still stands).

Saiunkoku Monogatari II 12: The medical team has finally made it to the scene, but as You takes charge of the surgery, not all of the doctors seem to have strong enough stomachs for the reality of cutting someone open. Sadly, whilst I can put some of my attitude towards the episode down to my lack of comprehension at the time, I have to admit that this whole medical arc has dragged on too long for my liking- I don’t find watching the minutiae of diagnosis and surgical procedure particularly interesting, and I didn’t really sign up for some sort of period ER. I realise it would damage the series to catch up with the novels too quickly, but I really want to progress beyond this.

Fortunately, there are at least a few other story threads to keep me interested, such as the whole tangle with the Jasenkyou and the Hyou clan, which seems about to move to the fore, happily.

Seirei no Moribito 12: Even though little has changed, Seirei somehow seems more interesting in this episode, which tells the predictable yet entertaining tale of Chagum challenging a foreign boy to a Rucha (Lucha?) match after he insults the emperor. Even though it’s a tale we’ve seen many times before in various media across the world, it still manages to be more enjoyable than the last few episodes, with the promise of Balsa’s next action scene now just around the corner.

*COMPLETE* Victorian Romance Emma 10-12: With the subs having ended due to licensing reasons, I decided to conclude the series in raw, deciding that my knowledge of the manga would help make up for any gaps in understanding. In this trio of episodes, we see Emma angst some more, whilst William falls afoul of Viscount Campbell when practically everyone refuses to deal with his company. Luckily, everything works out well in the end, although certain chunks of the manga were cut out along the way.

“Hakim, I choose you!”

*COMPLETE* Winter Cicada 3: The tragic tale of HARD GAY lovers Kusaka and Akizuki finally comes to a close in this depressingly miserable episode, which sees Kusaka sheltering a morose and near suicidal Akizuki in his guest house in an attempt to hide him from the government. It all ends in misery (and double suicide, in fact) for our two leads, with a sex scene thrown in earlier for good measure. Inevitable as this ending was, it seems a far cry from the unintentional amusement of the first episode, and whilst in retrospect I am unsure why I picked it up, this isn’t actually too awful compared to some of the other OVAs I have tried to wade through.

*NEW* Zombie-Loan 1: The latest Peach-Pit anime adaptation is here, and sadly, whilst it proved to have a surprisingly high level of parody potential (should I parody it- let me know your views) I otherwise wasn’t too impressed. The concept of having two bishies who have actually died and must now banish undead to get their bodies back alongside a lead who can see rings around the necks of those who are about to die does seem novel, but in practice the whole thing currently feels a lot more generic than that. The ditzy meganekko lead is stereotypical and irritating in the extreme, whilst all the other characters have been borrowed from various other sources- I’ll give it another couple of episodes, but I don’t see myself being in this for the long haul.

“If I want Hyper Self Pleasure, I’ll damn well have it!”

MANGA

*CATCH-UP* Claymore 1-73: As readers of the review I posted earlier in the week will know, I have finally caught up with Claymore, but where everyone else enjoyed it, I just haven’t been drawn to it as yet. Were my expectations too high? Am I just insanely hard to please? Whatever the case, although I want to continue reading this I just can’t rate it too highly.

*NEW* Claymore Side Story 1: Continuing the Claymore theme, this side story takes us back into the life of Teresa at her prime, when she gets a black card from the Number 2 Claymore. Normally a Claymore asks to be killed by the one who knew them the best, but Teresa actually barely knew Number 2, who only wants her to come so that she can have a proper fight with the woman who stole her number one spot. In all honesty, I actually enjoyed this rather more than most of the main Claymore manga, although that could just because of my curious love of Teresa’s character.

Yotsuba&! 47: Hmm, didn’t we already have a chapter called Yotsuba& the Farm? Either way, we still haven’t actually got to the farm, but in this chapter Yotsuba, her father, Jumbo and ‘Tomo of the series’ Yanda finally start to make their way there. As usual, not much happens in the overall scheme of things, but even after 47 chapters the series remains entertaining and amusing. Bring on the actual farm visit.

Several years have passed, and HORSE has become increasingly popular.

Some people have now gone almost two years without HARD GAY.

In fact, in these new times BI has started to become the Pleasure of choice for most.

Even so, a few stubborn souls still cling to the ways of HARD GAY.

What’s this? Has even Kusaka given in to BI and hired maids?

Ah wait, they are just cross dressing men.

Happy endings just don’t have titles like this.

“Who is that secret lover he keeps in the guest house?”

“You are just a generic- do not question the ways of the main character!”

“He claimed to have given up HARD GAY and embraced the BI of the new era.”

“Even so, only I, the old housekeeper, have been allowed to service him.”

“Yet during those sessions, he seems to hardly be enjoying the BI at all!”

“I cannot help but wonder if he still yearns for HARD GAY.”

Naturally, Kusaka’s hidden HARD GAY lover is none other than Akizuki.

Sadly, he has become generally silent and motionless.

“…since we haven’t lit the fires of passion in a while.”

“Firewood is so expensive these days.”

“He might get hurt- and then what would I do for HARD GAY?”

“Can he really hate being trapped as my love slave that much?”

“Just shout if you want HARD GAY.”

Akizuki remains silent and unmoving.

And lo and behold, the next morning he is in the same position.

“Only HARD GAY can warm up us in these conditions!”

“Or maybe we should have a fun manservice episode!”

“These generic character designs, this low budget animation- I can’t take it anymore!”

“Who cares about that as long as we can have HARD GAY?”

“Maybe if I rape you, you’ll understand that sex with me is worth staying alive for!”

“You are the only HARD GAY partner I can depend on!”

“I won’t go back to that lonely life of Hyper Self Pleasure!”

“Are they tears of Pain or Pleasure?”

“Don’t you remember the great HARD GAY we had in episodes one and two?”

“If not, then I have no choice but to remind you!”

“Let’s move onto full hard yaoi!”

“Isn’t a Liang like mine worth living for?”

“How can I tell him that I do not feel worthy of his Liang anymore?”

Meanwhile, Aizawa is impatiently waiting for his own HARD GAY from Kusaka.

“He’s having sex with his secret lover in the back garden, if you must know.”

“My Liang grows impatient!”

“Then go and find another partner!”

Aizawa enters a still Flashback Mode to explain how his girlfriend was killed, causing him to turn to HARD GAY for comfort.

“Maybe I can get some inside.”

“Oh wait- they’re already at it.”

“I can’t believe it! Not only does Kusaka have another lover, but he didn’t even invite me for a threesome!”

(“Oh great; this maid hasn’t come to give me BI, has she?”)

“Please don’t take offence at this, but I prefer it when Kusaka gives me Pleasure.”

“Sorry, but he has another partner to service today.”

“Our love must be tragic and difficult from now on.”

“Have you been seeing other men, Kusaka? How dare you when you have generics like us to sleep with!”

“You generics become entranced by the Liangs in front of you, but you never plan ahead for a long-term relationship!”

“In the end, they had their way with me, knowing I wouldn’t reciprocate.”

“It is a land of tea and scones.”

“No, I was referring to the London in Japan.”

“…but England actually has its own HARD GAY.”

“Celibacy sucks.”

“England will be a good place for you- you’ll be able to apply all the HARD GAY skills you have learned.”

“You’ll learn a lot by taking more partners.”

“Look, I really am HARD GAY for you!”

“I don’t want it to be just a parody any more! Yaoi forever!”

“Start by gripping my Liang, then.”

“A man shouldn’t be proud of his skin- only his Liang.”

“Of course, I am well trained in the art of the Sword.”

“When I was young, I would have HARD GAY with anyone, so I am not in as perfect condition as you might like.”

“Is it in good condition?”

“Oh yes- I was usually the one who took the Sword in those days, not the one who gave it.”

“I should have known- you wouldn’t even give someone Sword in exchange for your life.”

“This time, however, you must give the Sword instead of just taking it.”

There is an actual sex scene at this point, so please enjoy this field of flowers instead.

Here we see the clock tower of Big Ben, thrusting proudly into the sky.

“The Zhuge Liangs of England are amazing!”

“Akizuki, I wish you could try the English method of HARD GAY.”

“…like my Zhuge Liang.”

“’This is great HARD GAY’, you would say.”

“I would teach Japan new methods of HARD GAY.”

“I long to plunge my Arrow into your waiting Target.”

Back in Japan, Cannon is becoming popular.

“Cannon is the future of HARD GAY.”

“Sword is nothing, a mere relic of the past.”

“Too bad, Sword is what I want.”

Upon first glance, I thought he was saying ‘pretty boys’.

Kusaka’s comrades begin to worry that he has become a nymphomaniac.

“He’s so voracious that he even wants CORPSE.”

“Forget CORPSE, I’m happy with HORSE.”

“I’m not in the mood right now!”

“Without Kusaka, all I want is Hyper Self Pleasure.”

“HORSE!”

“If you die, I cannot have regular HARD GAY with you!”

“Kusaka, I have longed for HARD GAY with you for so long- please relieve my frustrations.”

“I’ll be with you in a moment- just let me give quick Sword to this generic!”

“It’s your turn now!”

“Is this really Kusaka? Once I was the only man he needed, but now he even whips his Sword out for a passing generic!”

There seemed to be altogether too much anime to watch this week, but somehow I made it through it all- with the exception of Koutetsu 2, which needs to be given full parody treatment.

Reviewed this week: Iroha 20-22, Cazador 2, Chevalier 19-20, Claymore 3, Darker than Black 2, Heroic Age 2-3, Nanoha StrikerS 2, Romeo X Juliet 2, SaiMono II 2, Shining Tears 1-2, Winter Cicada 2

…and in manga: School Rumble 221, Tsubasa 150

ANIME

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto 20-22: After the promised improvement, we have a rather dull episode of Iroha, which has Gold worth in parody, but only minor merit for serious viewing. Featuring the obligatory one-shot characters that exist only to rescue Akidzuki, question his purpose and ultimately see him on the right path for the final arc, episode 20 is tiresome in its mediocrity, and even Enomoto and Hijikata’s re-enactment of Hu Lao Gate cannot save it.

Unfortunately, episode 21 continues the trend of dullness, offering what is little more than a procession of minor historical characters discussing where the plot should go next. Eventually, episode 22 enables us to move onto the next phase of the series, which discards the monotony for the first hints of the over-the-top theatrics that will permeate the final episodes. At this stage, I have to admit that I don’t know what to make of Iroha overall- the series has changed in tone and content quite a lot from the early days, and I can’t say that I’m watching it for its current merit as much as the promise it once held.

El Cazador de la Bruja 2: If episode one of Cazador seemed vaguely promising, then episode two has lost all promise in favour of a dull twenty-five minutes that feels more like three hours. Having broken down in the middle of nowhere, our heroines stop off in a conveniently placed diner run by a former bounty hunter who quit her profession when it caused her daughter to leave her. Perhaps we should care, but since I have an aversion to dingy desert diners whenever they appear on television, I just wanted the whole to be over, and eventually it was.

Le Chevalier d’Eon 19-20: For once, knowing exactly what was coming and having to write a parody at the same time did not affect my love of Chevalier, with these two episodes offering the excellence that the series has so often proved capable of. First up, episode nineteen sees Durand attempt to set some machinations in progress, only for him to fall prey to a rather unpleasant end; afterwards, episode twenty wraps up all the loose ends in the England arc (arguably a little too conveniently, but we are getting low on time here), before sending our heroes back to France for fresh machinations and betrayals. It’s times like this that I just wish Chevalier was longer- imagine where it could have gone with some additional arcs.

Claymore 3: Claymore graduates from monster of the week to monster of the fortnight in this episode, when a Yoma attacks the Holy City. Unsurprisingly, non-human beings like Claymores are strictly not allowed to enter such a city, so veen though Clare has been hired by priests, she has to sneak in undercover by taking special pills that temporarily suppress her abilities. It’s a pretty standard story as this sort of thing goes, but nonetheless it remains entertaining in its own way- although the desire to get rid of Raki remains strong.

Darker than Black 2: As the first two-part story comes to an end, Darker than Black shows no sign of losing the quality that characterised the first episode, with an intriguing tale that skilfully weaves action and exposition to such an extent that even the dropping of a plate is somehow absorbing. As our lead goes on the run with his neighbour, pursuit from all sides heats up, but who will win in a battle of Contractors?

Rising food prices force one man to start eating flowers.

Heroic Age 2-3: For some reason, I felt a strong aversion towards watching the next two episodes of Heroic Age, so when the time came to actually tackle them, they weren’t as bad as I had built them up in my mind to be. Whilst the lead remains an irritatingly inferior version of the dislikeable Apollo from Aquarion, and I couldn’t really care less about the various tribes, these two episodes are somehow inoffensive, neither particularly engaging the interest nor causing time to drag. I’m content to keep watching for now, although it’s anyone’s guess how long my interest will last. Oh, and if you’re wondering why I haven’t said anything about the plot, it’s because there hasn’t been one so far- hopefully this will change soon.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS 2: Where the first episode at least pacified me a little with its action, this second episode seems to exemplify just why Nanoha shouldn’t attempt a 26 episode run. Even though we get some needed glimpses of Vita et al, the new girls are still taking up too much screen time, and in a predominantly exposition focused episode, it just doesn’t fly. Let’s have some ridiculously overpowered magical battles, not ridiculously dull waves of generic new characters.

Romeo X Juliet 2: Our star-crossed lovers return for another episode of aerial cities and flying horses (I’m quite taken with those horses, so I’m going to keep going on about them). Juliet has reached her sixteenth birthday, which means she can stop dressing a boy and find out about her Capulet heritage, not to mention start becoming infatuated with Romeo. I’m trying to divorce this in my mind from the original play, which helps to make it quite watchable and enjoyable in terms of light entertainment, although like some other entries from this season, it is currently uncertain how long I’ll continue to want to watch them.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II 2: Whilst Shuurei does her best to get the plan for Sa Province approved by the necessary people, Kouyuu is unsuccessfully trying to adjust to the idea that she might end up becoming his wife; meanwhile, back in Sa Province, Eigetsu reflects on his past and the mentor who helped him become the man he is today. Whilst it is good in principle to get some back story on Eigetsu, I have to admit that it wasn’t the most gripping part of the episode since I’m far more interested in the Kouyuu/Shuurei marriage situation. Shuurei has already admitted that there things she won’t give up for love, but nor does she seem like the sort of person who would accept marriage for purely political reasons, so how will the situation pan out? If she does get married at this point, will it jeopardise her credibility, with the general opinion being that she ‘played’ at being a government official before settling down and doing what all good women should do in getting a man? Meanwhile, the white bishounen has been revealed to be the head of the Hyou clan, Hyou Riou; it will be interesting to see his role in the story, especially as this clan is noted for having special powers.

*NEW/DROPPED* Shining Tears X Wind 1-2: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new candidate for Worst Anime Ever! Well, okay, I can think of a couple of series that seemed worse at the time, but with the passage of time having taken the sting out of their memory. A dire fantasy romp that makes Eragon look original, ST sees students who resemble Haseo and Mahiro meet up with a girl who looks like Tabby and then go to a fantasy world of randomness, furries and swords. For no reason whatsoever, ‘Mahiro’ pulls a sword out of herself for ‘Haseo’ to fight the enemies with, before they go to a kingdom of talking animals and end up fighting an elf army that their friends just happen to have joined. Perhaps it was wrong to watch an anime just to see how bad an adaptation could be made of the so-called ‘worst RPG ever’, and with the character designs looking much less appealing than they did in the promo artwork, this must be put in the Recycle Bin forever.

Winter Cicada 2: When I started this OVA, I took the yaoi warnings a little too lightly, thinking it would just be angst and kissing level- only in this episode was I to discover that there was an actual sex scene involved. Even seeing our heroes getting hot and heavy over each other (assuming you like that sort of thing, which I can’t say I do) cannot save this episode from the monotony that has now gripped it. Why did I even start watching this series?

MANGA

*DROPPED* School Rumble 221: Farewell, School Rumble, I no longer know or care what happens in you. For those who are interested, however, this chapter sees Hanai prepare to give a speech prior to the student council elections, but after Mikoto gives him the confidence he needs with a stone striker, she manages to light Tougou’s poster on fire, thus delaying the speeches anyway. Everyone must know of my growing dissatisfaction with SR by now, and although I tried to struggle on, why bother?

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 150: Following her stabbing, Sakura’s body and soul have separated, with her body going to Ceres, and her soul ending up in a tube owned by Yuuko. Apparently, this is all part of Sakura’s attempt to change the future and save her friends, a move that smacks of X/1999 but without the benefit of originality.

In an era of men and Swords, two star-crossed lovers from opposing groups meet and enjoy the finest HARD GAY known to man. Can their love survive, or is tragedy just around the corner in episode 2?

Some generics issue instructions for HARD GAY.

The enemy steps in to give everyone some Gun and Cannon.

Everyone dies in the throes of Pleasure…the end.

Okay, I lied, that was just the introduction- and here are our heroes, star-crossed HARD GAY lovers Kosaka and Akizuki.

And here’s how they looked a few years ago.

I don’t really have to embellish much for this series.

“It wasn’t true HARD GAY- they just had their way with us! Do they have no respect for our identical wigs?”

“They were just waiting until we had our pants down before they came in and took us from behind!”

“I’m afraid this sort of HARD GAY is considered acceptable across the world.”

“As long as you can get it up in time, nothing else really matters.”

“Did you want some quick CORPSE?”

“I just wanted to look at the size of their Liangs, that’s all.”

(“He thinks he knows all about HARD GAY now.”)

“Should we commence the evening’s HARD GAY?”

“I’m afraid my Ezo will need some warming up before we can begin.”

“Actually, I think I may not be able to get old motor running at all tonight, if you know what I mean.”

“Damn, I was looking forward to that HARD GAY.”

“Okay, tonight’s a write-off, but tomorrow we’ll have a group session with the foreign battalion.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“This should take your mind off your boyfriend.”

“I bet he gave you HARD GAY didn’t he?”

“I wasn’t with him just for the sex.”

“Do you ever regret leaving him in order to have HARD GAY with us?”

“You didn’t need HARD GAY with us when you had him.”

“Oh, I thought we weren’t having HARD GAY tonight, but your Ezo seems ready now.”

“All right, time for some Ezo!”

“Let us retire to bedroom to continue this.”

“…is important enough to merit its own Flashback Mode.”

Some women fruitlessly try to encourage the men to have fun, unaware that everyone with a Y chromosome in this series is HARD GAY.

“Aagh, there are women here! I must run away!”

“Kusaka, I’ll tell you where the men are!”

“The other guys left an hour ago; they’ve probably started HARD GAY without us.”

“I wanted to be a part of their HARD GAY session!”

“They were feeling horny- what could I say?”

“Once he’s in the mood, you don’t try to discourage him from HARD GAY.”

“Okay, but what do I do for HARD GAY tonight!? Should I just sleep with one of these generics?”

“Shut up- do you want everyone here to know you’d sleep with anyone with a Liang?”

“Wait, I didn’t really want a rough back alley session!”

“If we did that, there would be no shortage of HARD GAY partners!”

“This is a chaotic era, not unlike the Three Kingdoms!”

The eruption of distant HARD GAY is seen.

“Looks like they’ve reached a climax.”

“Such impressive fires of passion!”

“The HARD GAY is over, Kusaka- there’s no point hanging around.”

“Damn wooden fences- they have at least 80HP!”

“Are you having FENCE?”

“Is that an ornament on your waist or are you just pleased to see me?”

“This guy wants HARD GAY- don’t interfere!”

“He didn’t want you- he had his eye on some FENCE.”

“We must have Justice, not Chaos!”

“Are you the lead character? Let me see your Liang.”

“His hand feels so deft and sure!”

(“He is HARD GAY after all!”)

(“I must sleep with him properly.”)

“Look, we don’t sell HARD GAY porn around here.”

“What sort of bookstore doesn’t sell porn?”

“Guess I’ll have to spend my money in the blue light district after all.”

“Stop showing off your Liang! There’s no HARD GAY here for you!”

“Why won’t you let me have HARD GAY? I’m an experienced man!”

“What if they see your Zhuge Liang and start arguing over who should sleep with you first?”

“…I can ask foreigners for HARD GAY- but until then, I need it from your men!”

“…I have had to go without HARD GAY!”

“I need HARD GAY!”

“I can even get off on listening to others have it if need be!”

It’s the fateful encounter of the two OP characters…who would have guessed it?

“Ah, you’ve come just in time- I’m in sore need of HARD GAY.”

“Thank you for the hand job you gave me before.”

“I had a noble purpose! I wasn’t just begging for HARD GAY because I haven’t had any for a year and I’m getting desperate!”

“Are you my type?”

“If we’re not compatible, our HARD GAY won’t be any good.”

“Anyway, enough about me…how’s your love life going?”

“Well, my father has told me to give HARD GAY to whoever needs it.”

“I decided to follow his advice.”

“I bet you’re servicing the shogun, then.”

“Well, right now I just sleep with whoever I feel like.”

“I have also been studying HARD GAY techniques.”

(“…is just the sort of HARD GAY partner I need.”)

“Hey, I’ve just had an idea…why don’t I get you up to speed on the latest techniques?”

“Would you really do that for me?”

“Well, I have to do home study anyway- it’s probably better to learn with a partner than via Hyper Self Pleasure.”

“Thank you ever so much!”