Since most readers on here are above the age of ten, you may or may not be aware of Club Penguin, a children’s website which I admittedly visit once or twice a fortnight to mess around on. Nonetheless, Club Penguin feels lacking in something, and so it seems to me that we must update it for the anime and gaming generation, with an all-new spin on it entitled Club Prinny. On Club Prinny, one must input a number of sins in order to generate a damned soul, which is then sewn into a prinny. After customising your prinny, you can wander around the Netherworld performing tasks to atone for your sins, and generally serving Laharl and Etna. Special events include payday (once a year) and the night of the red moon, where prinnies who have atoned for their sins can finally leave the site.

So don’t delay, play the simulation of eternal servitude for the souls of the damned today!

Kaiji 4

“HARD GAY will be revolutionised!”

“Oh no, my fantasy is turning into a tentacle rape nightmare!”

“…and yet I’m starting to feel strangely aroused.”

“That means we’re compatible!”

Random Thoughts: Zetta

This week we interview the most badass Overlord in the entire cosmos- Zetta! So, Zetta, are you really as badass as you claim, or is it all just a smokescreen?

Of course I’m that badass! Don’t ask me those kinds of questions unless you’re ready to go a few rounds and find out.

How did your career and life opportunities change once you got turned into a book? Did you have to turn over a new leaf?

Look, I’m sick of the book jokes already, okay? Yeah, being in this form isn’t ideal, but don’t think that I’m out of the game because of it. Everyone has minor setbacks, but strong people like me can easily overcome them.

Does it annoy you that you have to rely on low level battle monkeys whilst you sit on the field as a motionless book?

Part of me would love to get up close and personal with the enemy, but then again, you don’t spend years clawing your way up the ladder just to keep doing everything yourself. There’s no point having underlings if you don’t delegate the day to day work to them.

And finally, which is better- love or power?

Power, you idiot! Love is for losers.

This Week in Anime

“Look, oranges, I hate to say this, but I just don’t think our relationship is working out.”

What would life be without Pizza Hut?

“Ouch- why did you have to kick me there?”

“Take me now! I don’t care that we’re in public!”

“I will now teach you survival- Ray Mears style!”

“Tell the truth- you just hid that behind the bush earlier, didn’t you?”

“I support grapes and the revolution!”

“This fruit is not for the likes of you!—

“Oh well, I’ll make do with walnuts- they’re everywhere anyway.”

Anime World Tour: Utawarerumono

Welcome to a pastoral future of furries, simple living, gods and monsters! If you like the idea of a harem of cat, dog and foxgirls, then this is the place for you, and whilst the constant political turmoil across the continent may seem off-putting, it does ensure that you can go from nothing to owning your own country within a matter of weeks. So put your plans of conquest to the test and net yourself your own castle filled with beautiful girls- but beware of continual attack from unstable dictators!

Amusing Search Terms

women in tears anime: You beast, wanting to see women cry.

unusual pleasuring methods: Ah, you’ve come to the right place for everything from DOG to PILLAR.

azure rare playmate: Who doesn’t want a playmate?

Mai HiME doujin H-game: Sorry, my game is all-ages.

punyu movie: What is this?

anime bad angel: Bad angel- naughty!

realistic naruto: Naruto is highly realistic, isn’t it?

anime girL FROM OUTER SPACE: she’s from OUTER SPACE, I tell you!

Amusing Spam

“Instant Payday Loan…

>From what I can tell public policy managers who reside in Waterbury whimsically applaud cash advances…”

How utterly whimsical of them.

“amateur housewife…

I really do not understand why you are so on you”re point….”

Sorry, but I just have to make my point before I’m satisfied.

“free magic coin tricks…

Have heard from it before, but is indeed a very good comment. Thanks….”

Glad I could help with your free magic coin tricks.

“amateur wife…

..”

This whole business is filled with amateurs! Let’s see some professional wives.

The sci-fi twist and collective groaning

Picture the scene- your elusive quest for the perfect fantasy series that satisfies all your needs and even sidesteps the usual clichés seems to have finally come to an end. The series you have identified has likable characters and a well grounded fantasy world filled with different factions, and then the writers go and put in an unwelcome twist- this entire world is just the far future of some contrived sci-fi Earth. Everything that made that fantasy world worthy is now pushed aside in the wake of a huge spiel of revelations about how the technologically advanced Earth came to be in this state, and how its future history is vitally important to the plot of the series.

I have to admit there are times when it can be interesting to see a less developed society’s perspective on a piece of modern technology is, but if we put this novelty aside, there isn’t much left to praise. No longer is the setting a well constructed alternate world, now it is just yet another future Earth, with technology providing a convenient deus ex machina and generally undermining the earlier setup of the story. If you want a sci-fi story, then make that plain from the start- don’t lead people on with the promise of a good fantasy, only to take it away shortly after.

Scrapped Princess, commonly regarded as good

Nonetheless, there is one case where the fantasy to sci-fi transition produced a good series- Scrapped Princess. Whilst far from being perfect or a top ten candidates, Scrapped Princess managed to produce an enjoyable series, perhaps because it introduced the sci-fi elements quite early on instead of saving them for the final arc, but most likely due to its pleasing designs and strong cast of characters. Yes, the plot was open to being parodied, with certain events playing out a little too conveniently, but overall the series was solid, entertaining and memorable.

Diverging for an “in hindsight” rant about Utawarerumono

On the opposite end of the scale, we have Utawarerumono, a series that always, in my mind, had great potential, but at various junctures along the way proceeded to throw it away. When I first saw the trailer for the anime, I knew I had to delve deeper into this wondrous fantasy world of various furries, but extended experience with both TV series and game left me in mourning for what could have been.

The reason why Utawarerumono’s world stands out in the first place is because, at first glance, it seems to be a well realised place. There are different tribes and clans, each with their own history, a world map with countries and alliance, religion, unique animals and a healthy dose of mysteries. In the right hands, who knows what complex stories could have been drawn from this backdrop, tales worthy enough to resemble the fantasy greats, or perhaps an empire-building game in the vein of the enjoyable Suikoden series. Instead, all we are given is one man’s quest to conquer the world, uncover his past and sleep with as many women as possible on the way.

To that end, instead of exploiting such a well-constructed setting, Utawarerumono opts for the easier route. As a lead character, Hakuoro is able to rally villagers to his cause, and within a matter of episodes he overthrows the evil ruling lords Sasante and Inkara (appropriately fat, ugly and self-serving minor villains) before taking his place as emperor of the country of Tusukuru. From then on, Hakuoro would go on to recruit more women to his cause even as he rallied against a procession of one-dimensional villains, from Niwe of the evil laugh to Kuuya, who wanted to bring peace through acts of unprovoked genocide.

All that, however, paled in comparison to what was to come in the final twist of the story. Everything about the world became suddenly insignificant in the face of the revelation that this was yet another future Earth where nuclear war caused mutation into furries, and Hakuoro had some hideously complex past as a frozen “Iceman” who turned out to be half of a sundered god. In this new phase, each revelation was more ridiculous than the last- the other half of the god somehow possessed Dii; Kamyu turned out to be the reincarnation of Iceman’s daughter Mutsumi and Eruruu was a descendant of “early furry” Mikoto who just happened to have the key to open an ancient lab where the scientists had been turned into immortal slimes. Even mecha got a look in in the form of the armoured Avu Kamuu, leaving both viewers and players so overwhelmed with rushed plot points that it would not be until much later that they could step back and realise how ridiculous it had been. None of the fantasy material seemed to matter anymore- even the mystery of the murderous Rak Shine was never satisfactorily answered (yes, Orikakan was tricked into thinking Hakuoro was Rak Shine, but who was the real one and where did he go?).

These revelations have left me in an odd possession with regards to Utawarerumono- even now I am drawn to it for what it could have been, but each exposure can only further highlight the disappointment. As I have said before, it is not so much that Uta was bad (since there are plenty of series that are worse than it), but that it could have been a lot more than it ultimately turned out to be.

Final Thoughts

Although Scrapped Princess proved to be the exception to the rule, turning fantasy worlds in post-technological age planet Earths is rarely a good move, with the end result usually squandering its early promise in favour of wild plot twists that ultimately create the disappointing endings they were presumably meant to avoid. Whilst it is clear that the fantasy genre in anime needs to evolve, it needs to remain separate and distinct from sci-fi if it is to make its mark.

Thanks to some discussion on ikimashou.net, I now feel relieved of any need to buy the expensive 1/6 Feena figure and thus can now stop going on about it and get on with my life.

I still haven’t picked anything to watch from the new season, but maybe something will present itself soon.

Reviewed this week: Asatte no Houkou 10, Iroha 10, Busou Renkin 12-14, Chevalier 12, Kanon 14, Red Garden 12, Uta DVD Specials 1-2

…and in manga: Higurashi Onikakushi 2

ANIME

Asatte no Houkou 10: Compared to the days of my outright love for Asatte no Houkou, I have to admit my feelings have become a bit more mixed now (perhaps due to my reading ending and manga spoilers); the scenes themselves are very good, but in order to get to where it needs to be, the series seems to rely on more contrivances and ‘coincidences’ than I’m happy to swallow. This episodes sees Tetsu and Kotomi just happen to end up staying at the inn where Karada is working, leading to yet more unwitting revelations even as Tetsu fails to realise who this ‘Satou’ person is.

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto 10: Much as I hate to day it, I actually preferred Peacemaker’s portrayal of Okita; his appearance here only left me wondering when he was finally going to stop coughing up blood and just die so that Akidzuki could move on. Other than this slight annoyance, this was another quiet episode (in terms of the main characters rather than the historical situation) which concerned itself with setting everything up in preparation for the Nakaiya II arc.

Busou Renkin 12-14: By this point in the series, Busou Renkin has settled down into a pattern of both the terrifyingly tasteless and the unintentionally amusing, and this episode is no exception. When Butterfly uses some ugly generic monsters to attack the school, Kazuki and Tokiko rush to the defence of their friends, only for Papillon to show up and demonstrate the power that a Kakugane in the crotch can deliver. Alongside such terrifying images as Papillon and Butterfly fighting whilst both dressed in tight bodysuits, the episode also reveals that Moonface is many times less interesting than I had hoped- his special ability involves creating a version of himself for each phase of the moon and then standing around doing nothing.

Episode fourteen seems to a more budget saving affair, consisting of six minutes of OP and recap before the episode proper even begins, and squeezing in some flashbacks towards the end. Nonetheless, it keeps the series interesting by introducing Victor (Green Hair) and the black Kakugane, with a cliffhanger that ensures that episode fifteen will definitely be watched. I have to say that I am starting to feel sorry for Tokiko, however; why is it that the best character in any SJ anime must be pushed to the sidelines in favour of the irritating spiky-haired hero?

Le Chevalier d’Eon 12: Having extensively worked with the screencaps, I knew what was coming in this episode of Chevalier, but that did not make it any less enjoyable. Aside from a few places where my assumption from the raw screencaps contradicted the reality of a scene, this was a worthy end to the Russia story which leaves me desperate to understand the England arc better.

Kanon 14: Mai’s arc continues to drag on at an interminably slow pace in this episode, whilst Sayuri reveals that she once had a sickly little brother who died after a lifetime of strict treatment from his sister. Although scenes such as Mai’s outburst were technically rather well done, Kanon has long since stopped stirring much emotion in me beyond a morbid fear of Akiko’s jam. In fact, I felt more pity for Sayuri’s brother than any of the main characters; the poor kid seemed to spend most of his life on the verge of tears.

Red Garden 12: Having made a plot so ridiculous that they daren’t even touch it now, Red Garden’s writers are forced to resort to that old staple of angst for this episode. Whilst Claire and Rachel try to sort out their respective boyfriend issues and convince their partners that being a main character takes precedence over a more active love life, Kate seems to be predictably drawn to Hervé; oddly, despite stalking Kate at odd hours of the day, Lula and her male friend do not even realise that the man she is with is one of their enemies. Next episode is called “A Day Off”, which is somewhat worrying when the last few episodes have all felt like days off- nonetheless, I’m taking the series off red due to my odd tolerance for watching it.

Utawarerumono DVD Specials 2-3: Sometimes I wonder why I keep torturing myself with DVD specials, especially when ones like these come along. The poorly animated special two must be the most terrifying six minutes since Otome special four, consisting of such scenes as Aru getting all wet and sticky inside Mukkuru’s mouth, and all the girls enjoying a nude bathing scene. Number three is more of a hilariously bad effort, in which Hakuoro and Oboro accidentally break Touka’s treasured wooden doll. Despite rumours, nowhere did I see anyone claiming that the twins are girls, which is just as well, for they are most certainly HARD GAY men.

Ever since the original game, Hakuoro has been especially skilled at fighting wood.

MANGA

Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni Onikakushi 2: It feels strange to return to the first arc of Higurashi after all this time, but this manga chapter is good enough to make the revisit worthwhile. Covering the Watanagashi festival and Tomitake’s disappearance, the manga manages to go into more detail than anime, whilst making Keiichi even more dislikeable than ever.

I can now exclusively reveal that the reason my blog is so HARD GAY is because I have Lui chained up in my basement.

As the days became depressingly short and winter tightened its grip upon the land, I had the great idea of summarising all the 2006 series I watched in one great ‘Annual Round-Up’; hardly an original idea since everyone likes to do it, but nonetheless a course I became determined to take. Little did I realise that such an innocent decision would lead to a massive fifteen page document that took over a month to compile; in fact, if I had any sense, I would take the lazy route of posting this over several days in order to avoid having to write anything else for a week or so. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, depending on your perspective), I’d rather just include it all in one guide so that I can get on with writing newer and more interesting things to spice up the inevitably dull and grey January.

I shall also take this opportunity to thank necromancer, whose screencaps made many parody posts and Tuesday Rumble sections possible, as well as my blogging ‘sempai’, who can identify himself if he wishes.

For once, red is not for generally poor series, just for the ones I dropped before the end of their run (mostly because they were generally poor). Series in blue are my top picks for the year. Links lead to earlier reviews, rants and parodies of the series in question.

STILL RUNNING FROM 2005
I’m only including series I was still watching in the New Year; several others had long since been dropped by this point.

Ginga Densetsu Weed
A bloodier canine version of a shounen action series, Ginga Densetsu Weed follows the adventures of young dog Weed as he recruits allies to fight evil dog Hougen. It ranges from dull and predictable to laughable and predictable, but the parody potential and novelty of having dogs as the main characters conspired to keep me watching this right through to the end.

Final words: It’s not good to be a generic brown dog; you always get killed.

Jigoku Shoujo
When it first started, Jigoku seemed like a compelling series, the tale of people driven to such extremes that they would accept eternal damnation in order to remove their tormenters. Unfortunately, it all became a little ridiculous and far too repetitive after about four episodes- not only did the basic concept of each episode lose a lot in the execution, but there are only so many times you can watch tales of revenge before getting thoroughly bored.

Final words: Revenge is a dish best served sparingly.

Karin
Karin is a strange series; it’s too tasteless and generic to even be mediocre, but at the same time it feels like it could be good- only I can’t really quantify just what is needed to make it better. The tale of a ‘blood-making’ vampire and her slow romance with a human boy could at least have made for light entertainment, but the inclusion of irritating supporting characters and the gimmick of having blood spurt out of Karin’s nose with alarming regularity are more than a little off-putting.

Final words: No, just no.

Mai-Otome

It’s hard to believe, but there was a time when I thought Mai-Otome was actually going somewhere; an illusion that was soon dispelled as the series moved into its closing episodes. Despite the numerous flaws of this series, it somehow remains memorable, burned into the brain by hype, wasted potential and the presence of fat grey cat Mikoto.

Final words: Fat cats may improve a series, but even their furry bulk cannot compensate for a lack of plot.

Mushishi
Although I took my time starting on Mushishi, I’m glad I finally got around to watching it, since it turned out to be one of the better series of recent times. An absorbing and atmospheric folk tale-eqsue collection of stories featuring the laid-back Ginko and the myriad strange phenomena he encounters, Mushishi is recommended viewing for anyone with even a passing enjoyment of fantasy, drama and slice-of-life.

Final words: If your memory is bad, blame it on the mushi.

Noein
When it first swept onto our screens, Noein seemed to be the sci-fi series that we had all been waiting for- a mixture of complex storyline, grandiose action scenes and alternate worlds that would surely only improve as it went on…or would it? Unfortunately, the studio was so busy spending money on CG house shots that it forgot that the series actually needed a proper plot (not to mention decent animation), and so by the end, Noein became little more than a pretentious but ultimately empty series that never lived up to its early promise.

Final words: The quantum mechanics of Noein is not clever- if you want clever, then come to some theoretical physics lectures.

Rozen Maiden Traumend
Given the excellence of the first series, another season of Rozen Maiden was highly anticipated, but somehow it just couldn’t live up to what had come before. Rearranging and diverging from the manga material led to some continuity issues with the first season, whilst the plot itself had numerous pacing problems. Despite promising that the battle royale Alice Game would be getting underway right from the start, it took nine episodes to get down to business, after which the writers chickened out of going the whole way so that things could be left open for a third season. Even the new characters introduced in this season were less than inspiring, although overall the series was not a bad experience, just one that did not live up to expectations.

Final words: If you thought dolls were scary before, wait until you watch this.

Shakugan no Shana

A tale of swords and sorcery mixed with high school romance and comedy, Shana proved to be a solid enough source of light entertainment, but unfortunately turned out to be lacking beyond that. Disappointing villains and a story that proved to be flawed on close inspection ultimately prevented the Shana from reaching the heights it initially promised- whilst by no means a bad series, it was certainly in need of improvement in key areas.

Final words: urusei, urusei, urusei!

WINTER 2005/6

Ayakashi
A collection of three separate folk tales collected across eleven episodes, Ayakashi promised period horror, but in the end, it brought only contemporary boredom. What would have been perfectly enjoyable as a three episode OVA became drawn out and monotonous in TV series form, so much so that watching it was something of a struggle.

Final words: Rap OPs never work- no really, they don’t.

Binchou-tan
Having convinced myself that Binchou-tan would be sickeningly cute, I avoided watching it for a while, only to predictably regret that when it turned out to be far better than I had imagined. A series that really does embody ‘simple and sweet’ Binchou-tan is a delightful slice-of-life tale that really needs more episodes.

Final words: Unexpectedly worthy.

Ergo Proxy
To be fair, I only watched a single episode of Ergo Proxy, but I never could bring myself to continue with it. Despite the echoes of Texhnolyze, the fact I neither knew nor cared what was going on in the first episode was not much of an incentive to continue- the animation may have been slick, but that could hardly make up for the lack of comprehensibility.

Final words: When people say ‘hard sci-fi’ they must mean pretentious, nonsensical crap.

Fate/Stay Night

Admit it, you want a Caster figure too.

There was a time when Fate seemed filled with potential; yes, it had a spiky-haired hero, but it also had the incredibly worthy Rin, not to mention the prospect of a hard fought battle of wits and strength between legendary heroes and their Masters. Unfortunately, Fate never lived up to its promise, instead turning out to be a combination of insipid characters, flimsy story, and Shirou’s harem exploits.

Final words: I will make ‘True Fate’ one day.

Hanbun no Tsuki ga Noboru Sora
A short and sweet hospital-based tale of drama and romance, HanTsuki was an almost overlooked series that turned out to be a hidden gem. Within its six episodes, the series managed to weave a tale that was bittersweet, heart-warming and entirely worthy.

Final words: Natsumi is evil.

Meine Liebe Wieder
Despite promising something in the way of a plot this time, the second season of Meine Liebe turned out to be an inferior rehash of the first, featuring increased angst, more HARD GAY, additional characters and Beruze’s latest puppet duke attempting to take the throne of Kuchen. It wasn’t bad, but it could have been so much more.

Final words: Ludwig-sama is an A-ranked bishie.

REC
An oddly addictive series about the romance between a voice actress and a salaryman, REC is enjoyable while it lasts, but is over all too quickly. In retrospect, it was perhaps a bit too angst-filled, but it made for an entertaining experience while it lasted.

Final words: Umai-ki!

Shinigami no Ballad

Yet another brief series, this time about a pure white shinigami and the people she meets, SnB was filled with character pieces, but was oddly short on death. Whilst it never really had the impact that it could have done, SnB was an enjoyable series that didn’t overstay its welcome.

Final words: The RPG episode was the best one, but the series overall gains points for the winged talking cat.

Pale Cocoon
Having been told that Pale Cocoon was somewhat incomprehensible, I went into it expecting not to understand anything, only to be pleasantly surprised at how much I could actually grasp (of course, the accompanying pdf file helped). A brief yet worthy glimpse into the far future, Pale Cocoon may be short on explanations, but is nonetheless a worthy snapshot of a distant era.

Final words: Watch it now, it won’t take long.

Hellsing Ultimate
It was the event that all Hellsing fans had been waiting for- a more accurate adaptation of the manga material that would surely blow them all away. Unfortunately, having realised that I really didn’t like Hellsing all that much, this wasn’t something I was inclined to keep following.

Final words: When are we going to get a good vampire show?

SPRING 2006

.hack//Roots
Hard as it is to believe now, I was actually looking forward to .hack//Roots- I was in the middle of my Item Completion obsession phase, and somehow I convinced myself that it would be a series that married the addictive qualities of SIGN with the action and faster pace of Legend of the Twilight. After several episodes of deluding myself, however, I came to realise that Roots was not so much a case of a train wreck as of the train simply not leaving the station in the first place. Characters came and went, but the plot never arrived- in the end, it was just too boring for me to watch anymore.

Final words: The origin of the screencap parody format.

Ah! My Goddess: Sorezore no Tsubasa
I’ve said it on more than one occasion, but a second season was just too much for the Ah! My Goddess- how much can you actually squeeze out of a harem story about a regular guy living with goddesses? Admittedly, it did seem like a bit of harmless light entertainment for the first few episodes, but it soon fell into the realms of the utterly boring, especially when Peorth arrived.

Final words: Sometimes, less is more.

Air Gear
I have to admit that Oh Great’s artwork is good, but since I’m not particularly interested in nipple shots, ridiculously oversized breasts or Bob Makihara’s penis, the actual content of his manga does very little for me. An unholy fusion of Tenjho Tenge, Ikki Tousen, Beyblade and Shaman King, Air Gear is the tale of spiky-haired Ikki, his buxom companions, and the rollerblading sport of Air Trak- or to put it more succinctly, it’s complete dross. No matter how much curiosity compels you to watch this, take my advice and give it a wide berth.

Final words: With breasts like that, those girls must get backache.

Aria the Natural

The first season of Aria was excellent, but Natural goes one better by doubling the episode count and giving us a full 26 episodes of sweet and heart-warming gondola life on the planet of Aqua. From the beautiful setting to eponymous fat cat President Aria, everything about the series is right on the money in terms of creating a simple yet absorbing world. Bring on season three.

Final words: Punyu!

Disgaea
Since RPG-based series are rarely worth watching, I wasn’t really planning to investigate Disgaea- at least until I watched the trailer. An ironically hilarious take on the RPG world, Disgaea’s trailer promised much, but the actual series itself delivered all too little. As it turned out, the reason the trailer was so good was because the entire series budget had been spent on it- meaning that the episodes themselves were poorly animated cyclical repeats of the same tired and worn jokes.

Final words: Pizza in the face? Excuse me while I try to force a laugh…oh wait, I can’t.

Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid Tessa OVA
Much as I like Tessa, this OVA didn’t really do much for me; aside from a select handful which hit the mark, most of the jokes fell completely flat. It’s something you watch for completion rather than enjoyment.

Final words: Dull, dull, dull.

The Gargoyle of the Yoshinagas
The tale of the Yoshinaga family’s animated stone guardian, Gargoyle may seem like a kid’s show at first glance, but it is nonetheless a highly entertaining story. In Gargoyle’s hands, everything from battles between stone monsters to talking to flowers takes on a new vitality. It’s funny, off-kilter, and eminently worthy.

Final words: All hail Gar-san.

Gintama
I only watched the first twenty-five minutes of Gintama, but what I saw didn’t really click with me. Apparently it’s meant to be a tongue-in-cheek approach to Shounen Jump, but I just couldn’t force myself to pay attention to it.

Final words: I liked that large white animal, but nothing else drew me in.

Good Witch of the West – Astraea Testament
When it first started, Good Witch seemed to be the fantasy series we had all been waiting for; a fairytale of intrigue and romance set in a magical kingdom. Unfortunately, within the space of a few episodes, Good Witch had become so bogged down with different plotlines that it was difficult to tell where it was supposed to be going. After continuing in this manner all the way to the end, Good Witch left viewers with plenty of story threads, but not much in the way of coherence- maybe the manga is better, but I’m not about to risk wasting money on it.

Final thoughts: It’s the sample book of plot directions.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
It may have started as a tense psychological horror, but after the first few episodes Higurashi’s main draw was its sheer gore factor. A somewhat inconsistent series that mixed moments with greatness with more pedestrian sections, Higurashi may have only covered six of the eight game arcs, but spoilers revealed that the solution to the mystery was too obvious to be satisfying.

Final words: “It wasn’t me, I am not evil or suspicious at all.”

Hime-sama Goyoujin
Truth be told, I shouldn’t really be writing about Hime-sama- I only saw about eight minutes of the first episode, and I had so little clue as to what was going on that I couldn’t bring myself to watch anymore.

Final words: Utterly confusing.

Jyu-oh-sei
One of a rare few series which I picked up months after dropping it, Jyu-oh-sei made good parody material, but had little worth as far as entertainment went. The bulk of the series, which saw cycle-wear model Thor stranded on jungle planet Chimera, was average and predictable, but was nonetheless sheer excellence when compared to the laughably ridiculous ending. A rushed story with a nonsensical ending- if I hadn’t wanted to parody it, I would never have watched past episode four.

Final words: If you want to attain at least a shred of credibility, magical DNA is not the way to go.

Kamisama Kazoku

At first glance, Kamisama Kazoku looked to be the spiritual successor of Kamichu- a sweet and simple series about a youthful god. In fact, to borrow a phrase from a lecturer of mine, Kamisama was a very different animal- a series that ranged from juvenile to infantile in its fanservice laden lack of hilarity. After struggling all the way to the third story arc by virtue of the show’s worthiest character- Tenko- I realised that I simply could not take anymore and crumbled a mere four episodes before the end.

Final words: Look, Mama is naked in an apron!

Keroro Gunso: the Movie
Series-based anime movies are as formulaic as they come, and unfortunately the Keroro movie is no exception. There are a few entertaining moments, but not really enough to justify spending an hour of your life watching a story that has been done a thousand times before.

Final words: Giant Keroro is the worthiest aspect of this movie.

Kiba
Like Tokyo Underground, Kiba is one of those series that just seems like an inferior amalgam of numerous other series- there’s industrial word, pastoral world, summoning of destined monsters, and numerous other ideas that have been done better many times before. Roia was truly the only worthy aspect of this seemingly never-ending series- in fact, is anyone even watching it anymore?

Final words: Series and games ripped off by Kiba include Tokyo Underground, Ergo Proxy, .hack, Yu-Gi-Oh!, YuYu Hakusho, Dragonball Z, Pokemon, Hunter X Hunter Greed Island OVA, Mai-HiME, Dynasty Warriors and Suikoden.

Love GetChu!
Due to slow subbing, I have only watched four episodes of this series so far, but it has already proven itself a worthy source of light entertainment. The tale of a group of young girls trying to become voice actors, Love GetChu! does exactly what Kiba failed to achieve- it takes ideas used in earlier series, and combines them into a worthy whole. There’s a ditzy lead, standard personalities, a Maison Ikkoku style apartment and a hint of romance, but somehow it all comes together to make something enjoyable rather than tiresome.

Final words: Please sub more, or I’ll have to start on the raws.

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
Once an obscure series of novels, Haruhi catapulted to fame after its first episode captured the fandom, but as the series progressed, opinions became divided. Although there now exists a small but vocal “yay Haruhi great lol” group, still others (myself included) concluded the series with a more sceptical view on the whole franchise. The characters were insipid, the stories were disappointing and not at all helped by being aired in a random, non-chronological order, and the humour had all but dried up after episode three. It may have gained cult status, but I can’t help wondering why.

Final words: I did actually like the fourth novel.

Nana
The tale of two very different girls both named Nana, Nana was an interesting shoujo drama in manga form, but unfortunately the transition to anime turned it into something far more dull and boring. With the bulk of the series’ focus falling on ‘Hachi’, the less interesting of the two Nanas, Nana failed to engage the attention, and was eventually indefinitely put to one side.

Final words: Less Hachi, more Nana.

Ouran High School Host Club

The delightfully over the top story of one poor girl and six rich guys running a host club at the prestigious Ouran High School, Ouran delivered standard jokes with such infectious enthusiasm that it was impossible not to laugh at them. A fewer weaker instalments and too many episodes focusing on twin brothers Hikaru and Kaoru prevent this from being a pick of the year, but it is certainly worth watching.

Final words: Kyouya is god.

Ray the Animation

Ray is another series I dropped after a single episode, but unfortunately it didn’t really seem to merit any more. As someone with various family members in the medical field, ridiculous conditions like tumours that retreat into the heart when operated on are a bit too much to swallow, and thus this medical-themed series was not fated to last long.

Final words: Monster remains the only decent medicine-related anime.

Saiunkoku Monogatari

At first glance, SaiMono looked to be yet another period series featuring a girl and her attendant bishies, but how wrong I was. SaiMono is leagues beyond the likes of Fushigi Yuugi in terms of quality- this isn’t a reverse harem romance, it is an absorbing tale of political intrigue in the fictional country of Saiunkoku, blended with the the story of Kou Shuurei, a young woman dedicated to improving her country through breaking precedent and becoming a government official. Every episode of SaiMono is like an addictive drug, leaving you desperate for your next fix.

Final words: I need more! More, more more!

School Rumble Nigakki
After thoroughly enjoying the first season of School Rumble, I was looking forward to the continued antics of Tenma, Yakumo, Eri and the rest, but unfortunately, Nigakki failed to deliver. With its crazier humour and lack of plot progression, Nigakki soon grew stale, especially when it meandered into the realms of filler during the latter half of the season.

Final words: Please, let it end.

Simoun
I was actually looking forward to Simoun before it aired, but upon actually watching the first episode, all my expectations for the series were shattered. A poor woman’s HARD YURI version of Last Exile, Simoun features ugly snail-like craft that are not only powered by the pilots getting out of the cockpit and kissing whilst in mid-air, but also have special abilities like drawing pretty lines on the sky. With no discernible plot whatsoever, the series had to be dropped.

Final words: HARD YURI power is an eco-friendly solution to dwindling supplies of fossil fuels.

Tsubasa Chronicle season 2
Whatever it was that made Tsubasa season one so enjoyable (and in retrospect, was it really all that enjoyable?) seemed to have vanished by season two, which devolved into a slow and dull mix of lacklustre adaptations and mediocre filler, all animated in Bee Train’s trademark “stills only” style. When each episode started featuring no fewer than three insipid insert songs, it was time to put the series to rest.

Final words: Go, you filler bus! Drive along that road, carrying your passengers!

Utawarerumono

It started as a pastoral fantasy, only to slowly reveal its flaws and turn into a harem series with ill-fitting sci-fi elements, but nonetheless, somehow Utawarerumono merited its own addiction phase. The series itself was lacking, but it led into the game, the mini-game, the parodies, and sparked many ideas simply due to the potential the setting contained. Not a pick of the year, but notable for being integral to the life of this blog- even now “gwakakaka” is still going strong.

Final words: Karura and Touka are all.

xxxHOLiC
I love the darkly stylish xxxHOLiC manga, but when the time came to turn it into an anime, something seemed to go terribly wrong. The high contrast art style became a washed out version of its former self, stories were slow and filled with dull exposition scenes, and the overall result was none too tantalising. I completed the series out of loyalty to the manga, but in retrospect I would have been better off not to do so.

Finally words: This could have been so much better.

Yume Tsukai
At first glance, I thought that the story of three dream masters would be a touching slice of life piece in the vein of Kokoro Library. At second glance, I awoke to the fact that this was not the case; instead, this was a poorly animated and poorly constructed series of tales in which one of the main characters has a fetish for underage girls. Shrine of the Morning Mist simply blows it out of the water.

Final words: It could have been good, but let’s face it, it wasn’t.

Zegapain
Sunrise, when will you learn that churning out endless mecha series doesn’t necessarily mean that any of them will actually be worth watching? Apparently Zegapain improves later on, but the starving man’s Aquarion vibe given off by the first couple of episodes (not to mention the unnecessary nudity) was enough to ensure that I never actually reached those episodes.

Final words: The apples that appeared in episode one were the best characters.

SUMMER 2006

Binbou Shimai Monogatari
The evening before watching the first episode of Binbou, I read sixteen chapters of the manga, almost all of which began with a variation on “Mother died; Father ran up gambling debts and disappeared.” In case you hadn’t guessed, that is the setting for this anime about two sisters living in poverty, which is perhaps the most lifeless and half-hearted slice-of-life series that I’ve encountered. An angst-filled example of how poor the genre can be, Binbou went through the motions, but achieved nothing more.

Final words: I don’t know if you’ve heard this before, but Mother died and Father ran up debts and disappeared.

Bokura ga Ita
One of the first ever series to feature in my Weekly Round-Up, Bokura ga Ita’s tenure in my viewing schedule was nothing if not brief. A poor man’s version of Kare Kano, Bokura ga Ita featured all the angst and drama, but completely neglected the elements that would have made the series enjoyable. After struggling through a dull episode populated by dislikeable leads and a Nagato Yuki clone, I gave up on it.

Final words: Not my cup of angst.

Le Chevalier d’Eon

Despite treading perilously close to the realms of cheese, Chevalier consistently manages to deliver an absorbing historical fantasy despite its lack of much in the way of accuracy. The tale of d’Eon, a French knight who not only gets drawn into a shady underworld of magic and manipulation, but also ends up housing his sister’s soul, Chevalier’s only inconsistency in its animation, which starts well but soon goes downhill.

Chocotto Sister
Haruma has always wanted a little sister, and one Christmas, Santa delivers just that. Choco, as Haruma names her, is entirely devoted to her big brother, but unfortunately she is so completely lacking in life skills that she has to refer to a notebook. This could have been a passable slice-of-life series, but unfortunately it chose the route of excessive fanservice instead- when a series needs to use police tape as a censor, it is never a good sign.

Final words: What, you don’t like naked aprons?

Coyote Ragtime Show
Aside from its infamous turn as the “Great ANN Ad”, Coyote Ragtime Show is a series best forgotten- even the name serves a warning. A tale of MANLY men and gothlolis for every month of the year, Coyote Ragtime Show lacked anything even approximating worth; I went into it with low expectations and was still disappointed.

Final words: ADV licensed this? They think it’s good? Where is Kurau!?

FLAG
Years ago, when my supply of anime was less plentiful, Gasaraki happened to be one of the few series that I had access to. Despite appearing to be quite bland and boring on the surface, I forced myself to keep watching the series until I finally gained something of an appreciation for its intricate politics; with that in mind, I was determined to give FLAG- a similar series from the same creators- a fair chance. Unfortunately, once the novelty of having the story told through monitor stills and the lens of a camera wore off, FLAG proved to be a dull series with bland character designs and ugly mecha. I feel slightly guilty for not giving it as much of a chance as I did for Gasaraki, but then again, there’s more to watch these days.

Final words: Gritty realism with issues relevant to today’s society? Take it back, please, and come up with a phrase that’s less overused.

Hanoka
No matter how poor it was, I was confident I could sit through a series where each episode was only five minutes long, but as Hanoka went out of its way to demonstrate, that wasn’t the case. Animated in Flash, Hanoka looked like an amateur piece, complete with a generic storyline to accompany its unimpressive looks- in the end, it had to go.

Final words: Five minutes of boredom is five minutes too many.

Honey and Clover II
I loved the first season of Honey and Clover, and perhaps it was because of that that I was secretly sceptical about a second season; the last thing I wanted was for my high opinion of the series to be ruined, but unfortunately, that’s just what happened. Although it did indeed have its moments of excellence, H&C II lost points for focusing on minor character Kaoru before turning into some kind of “who gets Hagu?” dating sim (with added “Mayama the stalker”). Yes, I understand the deeper arguments behind the resolution and the characters’ choices, but it was simply handled too flippantly for me to enjoy it.

Final words: One word- disappointing.

Innocent Venus
Innocent Venus may have looked vaguely promising before it aired, but when it turned out to be a poor rehash of ideas from numerous different series (not to mention completely unable to retain the attention), the adventures of Jo, Sana and Jin had to be put aside. Thanks to this series, however, there are various unwelcome images that will forever be burned into my mind- the irritating pirate captain and his busty first mate; the Last Exile psycho killer team; blood pooling out of a man’s smashed faceplate and those ugly, ugly mecha. After the series finished airing, I did consider giving it another chance, but happily I think I’m over that phase.

Final words: I already posted this list way back when I was watching the series, but let’s refresh our memories as to the series IV ripped off- Last Exile, Wolf’s Rain, Kurau, Hunter X Hunter, Burst Angel, Mahou Shoujotai, Arc Twilight of the Spirits, Stand Alone Complex, Gasaraki, .hack//Roots.

Kemonozume
If appreciating Kenozume’s artwork is supposed to indicate some kind of superior taste, then I’m happy to call myself inferior; yes, technically it has its strengths, but on purely visceral grounds, I find it hideous. The tale of a clan of demon hunters, one of whom falls in love with demon, the relationship between Kemonozume and I was destined to be short from the moment they showed a man losing bowel control onscreen.

Final words: Sex and defecation- how mature.

Koi Suru Tenshi Angelique
With its nine brightly coloured bishies, Angelique was clearly never going to be marvellous, but I went into believing that it would at least offer up some light entertainment. Unfortunately, what I got was an insipid mess with even less plot than its sister series Haruka 8; unless watching a dull lead wandering around a castle and chatting to bishounen sounds exciting to you, be sure to avoid it.

Final words: It’s like a computer game in which you can’t ever leave the hub world and actually play a level.

Night Head Genesis

Featuring a pair of brothers pursued due to their unique psychic abilities, NHG had the potential to be a chilling and compelling series that would have been the spiritual successor to Kurau, but as it turns out, reality was far less kind. A barely comprehensible string of scenes that seemed to thinly disguise a HARD GAY propaganda piece, NHG become downright painful by its fourth episode, and was thus swiftly removed from the viewing schedule.

Final words: Give me Kurau and Christmas any day.

Otogi-jushi Akazukin TV
It was always abundantly clearer that Akazukin was aimed at a younger audience, but in the early days it nonetheless exuded a simplistic charm that was enough to keep it watchable. Unfortunately, as the series progressed with no hint of a plot outside of our fairytale-based heroes fighting magical monsters of the week, it all started becoming a little tedious. I haven’t actually dropped it yet, but I’m only a hair’s breadth away from doing so.

Final words: I hate those damned Sweet Phones.

Tsuyokiss
Tsuyokiss was one of those series I watched just because the name got stuck in my head after the “Great Tsundere Debate of 2006”. Unfortunately, after assembling a cast that was generic beyond belief, and throwing in some awful scenes about a drama club, it managed to drop into the red after just one episode. I had originally intended to watch a little more of the series, but when the subs dried up, so did what little enthusiasm I had for the series.

Final words: It may be Cool X Sweet, but it tastes more like Generic X Dull to me.

Welcome to the NHK
Just prior to watching the first episode of NHK, I finally started on the manga, and was instantly amused at its bleak comedy. As I well knew, however, Gonzo are not the best at adapting manga series into animated form, and indeed, no amount of optimism could disguise the fact that they messed up with NHK, somehow sucking out all the humour and turning it into a bland romance instead. Apparently the series improves in its second half, but I really didn’t have the will to keep watching past episode eleven.

Final words: Damn you, Gonzo, for messing up ultimate moe!

Zero no Tsukaima
Although the novels are quite entertaining, Zero no Tsukaima takes what could have been an interesting (dare I say Harry Potter-esque?) story about an Earth boy interacting with the students of a magical school and turns it into insipid, fanservice-ridden fluff. This was yet another series that I briefly toyed with picking up again, but when every cell in my body rebelled against it, I was forced to abandon that plan.

Final words: Guiche is no Tamaki.

AUTUMN 2006

Asatte no Houkou

Despite the fact that I have yet to watch the ending (which sounds quite bland from what I’ve read), I’ve tentatively given Asatte ‘Pick of the Year’ status for the ease in which it drew me into its world. It does have its flaws, but the series certainly deserves points for taking the age-old idea of having a child suddenly become an adult (and vice versa) and turning it into a compelling drama instead of playing it just for laughs.

Final words: The manga just sounds scary.

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto
The final title to earn ‘Pick of the Year’ status, Bakumatsu was not a series I could easily get into; trying to penetrate just exactly what was going in the first few episodes was pretty much beyond me. Over time, however, it began to exert an irresistible lure; from the beautiful OP and general atmosphere to the refreshing novelty of a series set in period Japan that isn’t an action or Shounen Jump title, there is much of worth here.

Final words: Like Chevalier, it takes the cheesy and transforms it into the highly worthy.

Bartender
When I first heard of a series about a bartender who helps his customers by finding their ‘destined drink’, I knew I had to watch it for the novelty alone- and I was secretly hoping that it was one of those series that sounded laughable but actually turned out to be worthy. As it turned out, Bartender was the kind of series that leads only to boredom, fidgeting and irritation- especially when you try to swallow the fact that a mere glass of a particular cocktail can radically change someone’s entire life.

Final words: I don’t even like alcohol, so I should have known I wouldn’t like this series.

Black Blood Brothers
“Oh dear” is all that can be said to the prospect of yet another series featuring a moody bishounen vampire and his unhelpful sidekicks fighting against generic evil vampires, and indeed, BBB had nothing to bring to an overworked franchise. By the third episode, it proved entirely impossible to concentrate on what was going on, and so the series had to be abandoned.

Final words: I played Go through much of episode three.

Busou Renkin

Upon learning that Busou Renkin was from the same creator as Kenshin, I was actually looking forward to it- little did I know that where Kenshin was solid and sound, BR was the dumping ground for all the mangaka’s strange and twisted ideas. A standard shounen series filled with everything from the terrifying (Papillon’s thong) to the bizarre (Moon Face), Busou Renkin is far from great, but I watch it partially for Tokiko and mostly for my parodies.

Final words: I pinned all my hopes on Moon Face, but his special technique is a big disappointment.

Code Geass- Lelouch of the Rebellion
The latest stage in the search for that elusive good mecha series, Code Geass turned out to be yet another product from the dango-addled minds at Sunrise. Despite boasting CLAMP character designs, Geass proved to be little more than Gundam Seed Destiny Remix, complete with Kira, Athrun, Lacus, Flay, Lunamaria and more (not to mention added rip-offs from various other sources). Had I known from the start that it was going to be fifty episodes, I wouldn’t have struggled with it for as long as I did.

Final words: How many times am I going to have to say that the cat was the best part of a particular series?

La Corda d’Oro

Despite my bad experiences with fellow Neoromance series Haruka and Angelique, Corda’s focus on music made it seem worthy and so it was duly tried. Despite the extreme predictability and the fact that giving the lead a magical violin amounts to little more than cheating, Corda is an enjoyable series which mixes brightly coloured bishies with an actual plot.

Final words: Behind every good natured lead are multiple bishounen backing her up.

D. Gray-man
Although there was a brief period in which D.Gray-man looked like it might be the one shounen action series I followed this season, this poor man’s FMA blew it early by killing off its most interesting character (unsurprisingly, a fat cat which I have named “Big Boss”). The series never really recovered from this loss, and by the third episode, it was clearly time to put it aside and focus on shounen series which could at least be parodied.

Final words: Why is it called D.Gray-man anyway?

Death Note
Despite my quibbles with the second half of the series, I did enjoy the Death Note manga, and therefore it might seem quite odd that I always seem so negative towards the anime. Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is that the battle of wits between Light, a student with a notebook that can kill people just by writing their name in it, and L, the detective appointed to stop him, is simply too exposition heavy to succeed in animated form. Excepting those laughably theatrical moments when Light and L seem to phase into a coloured ‘Justice Mode’, Madhouse have done the best job they can with the material, but this is really a series that needed to be told through straight prose, not animation.

Final words: Justice Mode, engage!

Ghost Hunt
In case you hadn’t already guessed, Ghost Hunt is about hunting ghosts…or at least, standing around and arguing over what to do about said ghosts. Featuring the by now familiar ‘eclectic bunch of heroes’, Ghost Hunt seemed to be nothing more than the autumn’s Ayakashi- a series that made mediocre stories even worse by playing them at 1/3 speed.

Final words: Generic by name, generic by nature.

Hataraki Man
When I first read about Hataraki Man, it sounded like it could easily become a pick of the season- what could be more enjoyable than the tale of an overworked journalist? Unfortunately, my hopes for a superior slice-of-life series were instantly shattered by the first episode, which portrayed the main character as just the sort of ‘I need a REAL MAN’ woman that I really dislike, and surrounded her with a group of dull and generic supporting characters. A single episode turned out to be more than enough.

Final words: It’s strikeout time for Moyoco Anno.

Kanon [2006]

Given how much I loved Air, I was expecting Kanon’s ‘sad girls in snow’ to elicit the same feelings of enjoyment, but unfortunately, after the first couple of episodes, it was clear that Kanon just wasn’t in the same lead. With an overly sarcastic lead whose main pastime seemed to be verbally abusing all the girls around him whilst they smiled and asked for more, Kanon proved that its main worth lay in parody.

Final words: Yuuichi is one of the foremost villains of the era.

Mai-Otome Zwei
Like the very dango that Sunrise subsists upon, Mai-Otome may not be good for the health, but an unhealthy fascination draws one back to it. The first episode of this OVA sees an evil Shadow Otome start petrifying and absorbing various main characters, whilst Queen Mashiro and Meister Arika’s bond is tested to the limit in preparation for the angst, forgiveness and destiny phases later on.

Final words: At least we got to see some fat cats.

Maria-sama ga Miteru OVA
I enjoyed the first two seasons of MariMite, but having been expecting this OVA since around March, I had pretty much lost enthusiasm by the time it finally rolled around. Episode one sees Yumi accompany Sachiko to her summer villa, only for her week of HARD YURI to be spoiled by general apathy and evil lesbians. The next episode looks like it will be better, but this one was far too standard to truly entertain.

Final words: Onee-sama!

Negima!?
Although the idea of a ten year old boy teaching a class of thirty-one junior high students was never really one that appealed to me, Negima is one of those big name titles that you have to try just to say you have. With my progress into the manga going slowly and my knowledge of the first anime season basically nonexistent, this new series seemed like an ideal place to start. Unfortunately, our relationship was never destined to be a long one- the animation may have been good, but the story left far too much to be desired. With too many insipid characters and a divergence from the very manga arcs I was interested in, Negima!? had to go.

Final words: That ferret is creepy.

Pumpkin Scissors
Gonzo series must always be watched in case they turn out to be the next Last Exile, but as Pumpkin Scissors demonstrated, most of them have no hope of ever entering the same league as Claus and Lavie’s tale. Another FMA-lite tale, this time with Blonde Heroine 10658 at its head, Pumpkin Scissors failed to inspire to such an extent that it was abandoned after the first episode. It will, however, be making a comeback in parody form.

Final words: The Pumpkin Scissors must cut through the pumpkin-esque layers of corruption like a pair of scissors. I’m not kidding.

Red Garden
Another Gonzo effort, Red Garden is effectively ‘Gantz with girls’, featuring four teenage girls who have been revived after their deaths in order to fight slavering men. Despite being drenched in angst, Red Garden looked to have an interesting mystery at its core, but with each passing revelation the truth behind it all becomes ever more laughable and ridiculous.

Final words: KEITO! KULAIR! ROSU! RACHERU!

Rozen Maiden Ouverture
Great visuals and average story were what I expected from Ouverture, and predictably, that is just what this two-part special delivered. The tale of Shinku first met Suigintou and turned her into the psychotic witch we know and love, any enjoyment Ouverture had to offer was simply overshadowed by the amount of plot holes in the Rozen Maiden story.

Final words: More explanations, less ‘wtf’, please.

Shounen Onmyouji
After a poorly subbed first episode, my time with Shounen Onmyouji seemed destined to be short, but fortunately Yoroshiku saw fight to pick up the series, and it was a given a second chance. As the title indicates, Shounen Onmyouji covers the adventures of youthful onmyouji Masahiro, grandson of Abe no Seimei. Together with his destined powers and sidekick Mokkun, Masahiro set out to battle evil foreign demons from the West, but can he prove himself worthy of being Seimei’s successor? A surprisingly fun series that is, if not gold, at least parody silver.

Final words: Imagine how good it could have been if Bishie-Seimei was the lead, and Guren wore proper clothes.

Tenpou Ibun Ayakashi Ayashi
Yet another in a long line of period series, Ayakashi Ayashi is about…well, I actually can’t recall what it was supposed to be about. The only images burned into my brain are those of a disturbingly HARD GAY male bathhouse scene and a fight between two monsters, one with a head shaped like a wang, and the other which looks like three wangs joined together. With that in mind, is it any wonder I chose not to watch past the first episode?

Final words: I should have known that a series with ‘Ayakashi’ in the title was to be avoided.

Tokimeki Memorial
As the doyen of all dating sims (not to mention the one that gets parodied most often), it seemed only right to watch Tokimeki’s long overdue anime incarnation. After just a single episode, however, all such feelings of duty had long since evaporated in the face of the fact that this series was completely and utterly crazy and random- and not in a good, Pani Poni Dash sense. Apart from the chick in the first episode, there seemed little to recommend this makeshift collection of scenes, and so it was quickly swept under the carpet.

Final words: I think I’ll stick with Ukidoki Memorial.

Yoake Mae Yori Ruriiro Na ~Crescent Love~
If you discount the sex scenes, H-game CGs always look good. Anyone got any from Jingai Makyo?

A series that I wanted to watch purely on the strength of some promo artwork, YoakeNa follows the romance between earth boy Tatsuya and Feena, princess of the Moon. Admittedly, it did start out as light fun, but as the weeks passed both the animation and story quality deteriorated to the point where each episode was more an excuse to take a nap than anything else.

Final words: I dislike the series, but I need that figure.

Looking Ahead to 2007
I had planned to try my hand at the obligatory ‘winter season preview’ post, but when I realised that my three paragraph effort would be a firefly as compared to the moon of Hung’s multi-part season preview posts, I quickly abandoned that idea in favour of putting a few words at the end here.

To be honest, the coming winter season doesn’t really look that exciting- do we really need more episodes of Angelique, FLAG and Kamisama Kazoku, much less a remake of Ikki Tousen? Despite the danger of not enjoying the most hyped series, I can’t help looking forward to trying the Ichigo Mashimaro OVA and ‘Corda but better’ Nodame Cantabile; I’m also slightly curious about Les Miserables, although fifty episodes of that does seem a bit much. The likes of ‘chibi-HiME’ Venus Versus Virus and anything dating sim or virtual girl based will most likely be avoided.

Looking further into the year, we have the disappointing news that Bokurano’s anime adaptation is being handled by ‘let’s mess up the story’ Gonzo, as well as a Spring debut for the third season of Nanoha, now with less loli. And regardless of whatever else there is to watch, there’s always more Otome Zwei and MariMite episodes- what fun…

Join me again on Tuesday for the New Year Rumble.

In the quiet village of Yamayura, Hakuoro, a masked man without any memory of his past, awakens to an unfamiliar world of humans with animal ears and tails. This is the world Hakuoro must live in now, and in time, he will not only gain a name, but also followers, allies, and an empire of his own. But will his newfound nation survive the machinations of opposing countries and the truth about his mysterious past?

Although it could easily be argued that I’ve written more than enough about Utawarerumono, it didn’t feel right to let the series go without some kind of final review to tie up all my feelings about it. This will be a little different than a standard review, simply because for me, Uta was a series of two halves, “before playing game” (episodes 1-12) and “after game” (episodes 13-26), with my perspective accordingly changed by experience with the source material.

Based on the trailer and early episodes, it initially seemed as if Utawarerumono would be the anime adaptation that the Suikoden video games never got- a pastoral fantasy of empire building, battles, and many named characters. It was this idea that promised such potential, but unfortunately, the series was set to deliver something rather different.

Although it only became abundantly clear in the ‘post game’ era, Uta was not to be so much an epic adventure as one that skirted (and often crossed into) the realms of cheese and unintentional hilarity. Despite being able to forge his own empire within the space of six episodes, Hakuoro seems more concerned with creating his own harem than in any kind of statecraft, whilst his opponents seem about as deep and effective as pantomime villains (for further examples, see my Uta parodies). Even the fantasy aspect was ruined somewhat when it was discovered that the Uta world was in fact the far future of a generic sci-fi era.

That being said, there is something oddly addictive about Uta. Perhaps it was the infinite possibilities that the setting seemed to provide, or maybe it was as simple as the beauty of the better character designs, but despite its many flaws, Uta demanded attention throughout its run. In the post game era, it became clear the story was not going to have the depth of the game (in fact, the pacing of the series’ second half was questionable at best), but nonetheless it became important to continue watching and see the game events and characters in animated form.

Visually, Uta is an extremely mixed bag. Backgrounds are usually well drawn, but character designs range from the aesthetically pleasing to the downright ugly, and action scenes are the most variable aspect of them all. When main characters are fighting, some effort is put into their swordplay, but battles involving generic warriors (all of whom have been cloned from the same man) are laughably bad. Woptar (lizard) mounted cavalry lurch around in eternally looping CG, whilst foot soldiers half-heartedly raise their swords and lurch back and forth on the spot.

Final Thoughts
Although it had its scattered strong moments, ultimately Utawarerumono was unable to deliver as anything other than a gateway to the game and parody source. I will always recall the franchise fondly, but not so much because the anime had a great deal in the way of merit, as because it could have been so much more.

Under the new, harsher regime, I’ve decided to drop a few more series that I haven’t watched lately, but have no desire to get back to. This means that Chocotto Sister and FLAG are gone from the anime line-up (I hadn’t even realised that FLAG 3 was released last month, which shows how closely I’ve been following the series), and Melty Blood is dropped from the reading list.

With the influx of new anime, I’ve largely given up on the OP/ED impressions section for now, simply because they all seem to be so similar and dull. I’ll probably phase it back in when I hear something I like, or alternatively, something so awful that is has to be pointed out.

Reviewed this week: Busou Renkin, Chevalier, D.Gray-man, Death Note, Gargoyle of the Yoshinagas, Kanon, Keroro, Negima!?, Red Garden, ROTK, SaiMono, Shounen Onmyouji, Tokimeki Memorial, Tsubasa, xxxHOLiC

…and in manga: Chokotto Sister, Nanoha A’s to StrikerS, Tsubasa, Utawarerumono

ANIME

*NEW* Busou Renkin 1: Oh look, another spiky-haired hero discovers destined powers…why do I even watch these generic shounen series? In Busou Renkin’s case, my interest was purely motivated by the fact that it was from the creator of Kenshin, but that really isn’t enough to elevate it into the ranks of worthiness. I predict this will be another series I’ll watch for a few episodes of ‘fun’ before the inevitable drop phase.

Le Chevalier d’Eon 5: With Callon out of the way, the hero party continues their pursuit of the ‘evil Russian’ Volonzoff, but can d’Eon catch up to him and still have time to attend confession? Although not the strongest of episodes, this instalment is nonetheless a solid effort which picks up towards the end.

D.Gray-man 2: The FMA rejects are out in force as Allen makes his way to the creatively named Dark Religious Organisation and takes up his destined main character duty of collecting 109 pieces of a golden cube. This somewhat disheartening news could see the anime stretch on forever, but for now it remains the one shounen series of the season that I may follow for more than two episodes.

*NEW* Death Note 1-2: Given the popularity of the manga, Death Note has been a highly anticipated title, but I have to admit that I had my reservations as to whether the series was really suited for an anime adaptation. The episode, which covers high school student Light Yagami’s discovery of a notebook that kills anyone whose name is written it, is something of a mixed effort, but fortunately things take a distinct turn for the better in episode 2. There’s always going to be an element of impatience when you know exactly what’s going to happen, but by the second episode the anime seems a lot more confident in its presentation of the story. My main complaint is Light’s attitude; at this stage in the manga, he still seemed quite calm, but here he is already coming across as more overtly unbalanced.

The Gargoyle of the Yoshinagas 2: I’d almost lost hope that I would ever get to see another subbed episode of Gargoyle (I’ve been hesitant to watch the raws since it looks it will be beyond my meagre abilities) but finally the second instalment is here. This time around, Futaba ends up staying at the home of a rich company president whose true goal is to lure out Gargoyle and test his abilities. It’s nothing outstanding, but it is well animated and thoroughly entertaining.

OP impressions: Far too saccharin and cheerful, but the video is bright and colourful.

ED: Another cheerful number, slightly amusing video.

Or, to quote the Yu-Gi-Oh abridged versions, “screw you, I have money”.

*NEW* Kanon 1: Having neither played the game nor seen the Toei version of Kanon, my only prior experience with the title has been through reading the excited ravings of the fans. With that in mind, it is hard not to have high expectations for the series, but even neglecting the outside influence, this was quite an enjoyable episode, featuring the obligatory return of a male lead to a hometown filled with attractive girls. My impressions right now are of “Air: winter version”, and so I’m hoping the series will manage to achieve the same oddly addictive effect that Air had.

Visually, the animation is just as impressive as advertised (this will be one series where I’ll be keeping my finger on the screencap button), although the background music does sound like it’s been ripped straight from the game. Having Kyon’s VA as Yuuichi is a bit disappointing, though, since it brings back unwelcome memories from Haruhi.

OP: gently atmospheric, but I kept wanting the Air OP to play.

ED: Cheerful and upbeat in a worthy rather than cloying sense.

Keroro Gunso 59-60: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- Keroro’s second season isn’t as good as the first, and episode 59 only seems to prove that point. Whilst the first half, in which Keroro feeds items to a model castle in order to make it grow, was fairly inoffensive, I could barely concentrate on part B, in which the castle heads off to Kyoto under its own steam and threatens the Gunpla factory.

Episode 60 starts a little more promisingly with everyone getting miniaturised and using household items to stage a high speed race. Unfortunately, the jokes get a little too worn towards the end, whilst the Mois-centred second half is the latest in a long line of weak B-sides.

*NEW* Negima!? 1: My familiarity with the Negima franchise extends as far as having read a single volume of the manga, so without the “omg it’s so much better than the last anime series” factor, Negima!? doesn’t do a great deal for me. The character designs are easy on the eye, but whilst the story has potential, it hasn’t really gone anywhere in this first episode, which just sees Negi get his assignment to teach in Japan, and meet the 31 girls under his tutelage. Hopefully things will pick up in the next couple of episodes- at the least, we should see some well-animated action scenes.

*NEW* Red Garden 1: Even after watching the first episode of Red Garden, I can’t say I know a great deal more about it than I did before I started- most of the episode was devoted to introducing the various dislikeable high school girls who will form the main cast, before a twist at the end turned the series into something a little more eerie and supernatural. This twist is the only thing keeping the episode off the red, since it leaves me curious to see what course the series is going to follow. Shallow as it may seem, however, I am greatly put off by the art style- those large noses and oversized lips do very little for me.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms 25: In the last few episodes, ROTK has become incredibly HARD GAY, and this latest instalment does nothing to alter the trend, as Cao Cao works to bring Guan Yu over to his side. This is one of the parts I remember well from the novel, so my interest is rising again, especially with the accompanying hilarity.

Saiunkoku Monogatari 19: Having proved her capability via a tough oral exam, Shuurei awaits her first proper assignment as a government official, but just where will she be sent? This episode may just be for the purposes of wrapping up the current arc and putting things in place for the next one, but nonetheless it remains as absorbing as ever, and it looks as if things are only going to get better. It is a little sad to think that we’re almost halfway through the series already- I want much, much more.

*NEW/POSSIBLY DROPPED* Shounen Onmyouji 1: I decided to watch this on the basis of it looking a little like Tactics, but unfortunately, it turned out to be Tactics-ultra poor version, consisting of typical shounen lead and a mascot/semi-bishie sidekick rolled into one. Our lead will no doubt want to defy his useless beginnings and become the best onmyouji around, with friends cheering from the sidelines and villains challenging him at every turn. Even so, I could probably derive some mild entertainment (if not parody potential) from the first few episodes, however the subs are so awful that they make the series seem that much worse. I may watch episode 2, but only if another group picks up the series.

*NEW/DROPPED* Tokimeki Memorial 1: As the respected senior of dating sims and target of a thousand parodies, it almost seemed wrong not to give this series a try, but now I wish I had left well enough alone. If this had been a sedate harem series, I probably could have derived some mild enjoyment from it, but unfortunately the first episode offers more of a nonsensical “wtf!?” story as our lead transfers to a bizarre new school, a place where teachers are picked from the local freak show and animal ears are the reward for good grades. In a series of out of sequence scenes, said lead is chased around the school by students desperate to relieve him of a pair of pink nekomimi. It’s all very over-the-top and pointless, and I can’t bring myself to watch any more.

*DROPPED* Tsubasa Chronicle 41-2: I thought I could at least stick it out until the end of the second season, but in the end I crumbled a long before the finish line. If season one and fellow Bee Train series .hack//SIGN were like swimming through treacle, then this series must surely be more akin to swimming through granite- certainly it was equally painful. These two episodes tie up the Rekord/Lecourt arc in preparation for another stretch of filler that I simply cannot face; the three insert songs in episode 42 alone seemed to indicate that now was a good time to extricate myself from the whole mess.

*COMPLETE* xxxHOLiC 24: It is with a profound sense of relief that I can finally announce that I have finished watching xxxHOLiC, and need never view it again. A while ago, I recall reading a very short chapter of the manga about a disembodied hand that spirited children away, and thinking that it couldn’t possibly be turned into an anime episode. With the addition of a flashback story about Watanuki making a friend (perhaps his first experience of HARD GAY), that very same hand chapter makes its anime debut here, and unsurprising, it proves to be as dull and mediocre as I’ve come to expect from the series. If there is aa second season of this, I can’t see myself having the will to watch it.

MANGA

Chokotto Sister 35-6: A surprisingly fanservice-free pair of chapters this time around, which see Chitose forced to wear her old thick-rimmed glasses after breaking her current pair, and Choko running into a panther after deciding that she’d like her own pet. It may sound a little ridiculous, but in practice these are both the kind of sweet and simple chapter that keep me reading despite all the scarring fanservice.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha A’s to StrikerS 1: A chapter set in the ‘six years later’ time that StrikerS is to take place in, this brief instalment reintroduces Nanoha, Fate and the rest, and sends them out to retrieve some more Lost Logia. It makes for a rather underwhelming start to whatever this manga is planning to cover, and even the artwork is far below the usual Nanoha standards, opting for a simplistic, low-contrast style. It is worth noting, however, that Chrono and Amy are now engaged.

Tsubasa Chronicle 131: Sakura: FFX-2 version takes on a hydra without any assistance from Syaoran or Mokona in this brief chapter; the action scenes were a little confusing here, and there’s an overwhelming need for CLAMP to just get on with the story.

*DROPPED* Utawarerumono 5: When I opened this chapter and saw how badly Karura was drawn, I knew that it was time to put the manga behind me. This chapter sees Eruruu angst over generic soldiers getting injured in practice battles, a pointless topic that somehow manages to be even less interesting than the prior chapters of the manga.

The new season is almost upon us, and yet here I am, having failed to put together any kind of autumn (or, if you prefer, fall) preview whatsoever- and nor am I intending to. Aside from the fact that many people have already done a better job of it than myself, and that I’m simply too lazy to be bothered, past experience has shown that the series I look forward to the most often turn out to be utterly disappointing. After all, in previous seasons, I was foolish enough to expect something of worth from Black Cat, Jigoku Shoujo, Mai-Otome, Fate, xxxHOLiC, Tsubasa, .hack//Roots, Kamisama Kazoku, Binbou…well, the list goes on. Clearly the only way forward is to ignore the most anticipated shows, and only watch the more obscure or unappealing sounding series (does this mean that Bartender will end up being a good choice?).

Reviewed this week: Black Blood Brothers, Chevalier, Higurashi, Keroro, Ouran, ROTK, School Rumble, Tenchi Special, Utawarerumono, NHK, xxxHOLiC

…and in manga: Furuba, Mai-Otome, Melty Blood, Mushishi, Natsu no Arashi, Tsubasa, Uta, xxxHOLiC, Yotsuba, Zero no Tsukaima novel

ANIME

*DROPPED* Black Blood Brothers 3: One of the lines in the BBB ED is “So tell me, tell me the reason why”, to which the follow up should surely be “why am I watching this?”. I’m not even going to pretend that I particularly knew or cared what was going on in this episode- characters talk, evil arrives, blonde shota gets kidnapped, various other things that might have happened when I wasn’t concentrating. There isn’t even enough parody potential to keep watching on that score alone; this is pure Innocent Venus “why bother” class.

Le Chevalier d’Eon 3: It may only on its third episode, but I’m already completely in love with Chevalier. Treacherously, I can see a clear way to parody it, but at the same time that doesn’t detract from the quality; somehow, the way that the series is presented makes even the most straightforward of scenes transform into something absorbing. This time around, Callon “John Smith” opposes the hero party, whilst Durand decides to take some independent action. I’m entirely impressed at how well the action scenes are handled in this series- it’s a refreshing change from the usual run of stills and half-hearted slashes.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni 25: Poor Rena- not only does she seem to believe Takano’s ‘aliens did it’ notebook, but her skin is so paper thin that a few scratches can easily make it bleed. Whilst the police continue to search for her, Keiichi admits that he used to take pot shots at little girls, and Akane Sonozaki makes her first appearance. I may seem to just be picking out random facts, but that’s just how the episode seemed- various bits and pieces here and there, but no real feeling of plot progression. I’m already lamenting the lack of the seventh and eighth arcs in anime form, and will be resorting to game spoilers once the series concludes.

Keroro Gunso 57-8: Unfortunately, the second season of Keroro still isn’t living up to the first, and episode 57 does little to change that trend. The first half sees the older brother of Viper (the first alien faced by the reunited Keroro Platoon) return for revenge against the Kerons, but even having Dororo save the day cannot elevate this beyond mediocre. Part Two follows the adventures of the now giant-sized Keroro, but whilst it begins entertainingly enough, the joke quickly becomes overused when everyone else takes on gigantic proportions.

If anything, however, episode 58 is a level below even the season 2 standard. The first half, following a plan to take over the world via vending machine sales, is reasonably entertaining, but what little promise that segment shows is quickly blown by a dull second part in which Keroro trains Tamama in preparation for a match against Paul. This episode seems to epitomise the nature of season 2- that of seeing slightly inferior copies of your favourite characters trying to recreate the hilarity of season one, but failing to grasp the essence of what made it funny.

Ouran High School Host Club 25: The Ouran Festival is here, and with it, we finally get a glimpse into Tamaki’s past when his father and ‘wicked grandmother’ make an appearance, together with a girl clearly designed to drive a wedge between Tamaki and his beloved Host Club. It’s a refreshing change to have Tamaki cast as more than a blundering buffoon (not to mention seeing Renge in a calm mood), but whilst this episode is solid enough, it doesn’t reach the level of 24.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms 23: A new arc begins in the ROTK universe, this time pitting the grasping and ambitious Cao Cao against the pure and righteous Liu Bei (when Cao Cao kills someone, it is murder, but when Liu Bei does it, it is an act of justice). Following a sedate first half in which I began to wonder whether the hilarious subtitles were gone for good, the second half proves highly amusing- not just for the translation, but for the exaggerated reactions of the cast. Unfortunately, however, poor Sun Ce and the Kingdom of Wu have been relegated to the lands of off-screen.

*COMPLETE* School Rumble 2^nd Term 26: School Rumble’s downward spiral comes to a halt in its final episode, which is not so much an ending as a non-ending and almost-reset. The episode basically consists of a particularly uninspiring round of misunderstandings and running around, whilst a flashback to Yakumo’s youth proves that she really should have murdered Tenma long ago. An uninspiring ending to a series that never lived up to its first season, and according to the final screen, School Rumble will go on. If it must continue in animated form, then hopefully it will be a brief OVA at most- I doubt the franchise has enough life left in it to create a worthwhile third season.

Tenchi Muyo Ryo Ohki OVA3 “Plus One” Special: Okay, so this has been out for more than a year, but this is the first time I’ve seen a subbed version available. The special is as underwhelming as the majority of OVA3, consisting of extensive exposition that clears up all the mysteries behind Tenchi’s mother, Noike, and anything else that needed addressing.

*COMPLETE* Utawarerumono 26: The end has come, and whilst it wasn’t great, at least it wasn’t as bad as feared. Dii and Haku battle, flashback mode establishes more of the events of Iceman’s time, Hakuoro says goodbye- the end. It’s a shame Utawarerumono never really lived up to its potential, but from this one anime, my entire addiction to the franchise was born.

*DROPPED* Welcome to the NHK 11: There comes a time when even the most masochistic of viewers must admit that watching anime is not about subjecting oneself to endless and tortuous pain- or, to put it more succinctly, I’ve finally had enough of NHK. Where the manga was fast-paced and bleakly hilarious, the anime has continually replaced dark humour with dull, endless monotony.

xxxHOLiC 23: Having thought that xxxHOLiC was going to be 26 episodes, finding out that it is only 24 brings with it an accompanying feeling of relief, although I am now worried that all the unused manga material is being saved for a second season. Anyway, this episode brings with it a new dose of tedium as Doumeki saves Watanuki from the life draining clutches of the mysterious woman, thus concluding the storyline from episode 22, and opening up all sorts of HARD GAY parody possibilities.

MANGA

Fruits Basket 132: Furuba continues to crawl towards its ending in this chapter, which sees Akito reveal her true gender to all of the jyuunishi, followed by an angsty monologue before she seemingly commits to a relationship with Shigure.

Mai-Otome 28-9: Queen Mashiro’s (or rather Manshiro’s) coronation is finally here, which means it’s time for a gathering of assorted leaders and some tense exchanges between them. Where 28 acts as more of a setup chapter, 29 sees the beginning of a payoff, with the various antagonists making their move and a cliff-hanger ending. Since this is Otome we’re talking about, none of it can be said to be particularly good, but it seems to be leading up to a storyline that will be interesting by virtue of novelty alone.

*CATCH UP* Melty Blood 1-6: In manga form, Type-Moon’s fighting game becomes a sequel of sorts to Tsukihime, taking place one year later and seeing Shiki team up with Sion Eltnam, an alchemist and would-be vampire hunter. So far, little has happened outside of Shiki and Sion wandering around at night, and there’s a critical lack of substance to the story that makes it none too inspiring. Artwork is on the same level as the Fate/Stay Night manga, consisting of solid character designs, but simplistic shading and backgrounds.

Mushishi 9: Since the first 26 chapters are the same as what we’ve seen in the anime, this is yet another familiar segment, this time about a man chasing after a rainbow-like mushi. Since Mushishi can do little to no wrong, this is an enjoyable chapter, and as always I’m eagerly looking forward to more.

*NEW* Natsu no Arashi 1: Usually when I add a new series to this line-up, I try to give some idea of the plot, but to be honest I’m not entirely sure what was going on in the first chapter of Natsu no Arashi. To strip it down to the bare essentials, our 13 year old hero (presumably) comes to a café, meets up with a beautiful high school girl with strange powers, and for some reason gets invited to come and live with her- on top of that, however, there are various other elements, and it isn’t entirely clear what is and isn’t going to be important in the long run. Nonetheless, it’s from the creator of School Rumble, so for that reason alone it gets a fair chance.

Tsubasa Chronicle 129-30: Sakura equips her Gunner Dressphere and heads out to face the trials of the desert alone (can she possibly manage by herself), Kamui and Fuma discuss their plans in the hopes that their arc and existence actually have some meaning, and Fye finally wakes up. It’s all building up to something, but at the current pace, that something may not actually occur for a while.

Utawarerumono 4: Every chapter of the Utawarerumono manga is fairly pointless, and this one, in which Hakuoro visits the New Year festival and literally unmasks an impostor, is equally so. In particular, the artwork seems to have taken a turn for the worse; the mangaka can just about manage Haku and the harem, but s/he really flounders when it comes to portraying the other males- Benawi and Kurou are near unrecognisable.

xxxHOLiC vol 9, chapter 5: Picking up where the last chapter left off, this instalment sees Watanuki meet up with the youthful spirit medium once again, and begin to strike up a bond with her. An interesting enough read, but I remain cautiously hopeful that this storyline will actually lead somewhere.

Yotsuba&! 40: Having decided that Fuuka must get her fair share of the delicious milk, Yotsuba boldly follows her to school in an attempt to deliver it- cue much hilarity as our pint-sized heroine not only ventures out on her own, but ends up wandering the confines of Fuuka’s school.

NOVEL

*New* Zero no Tsukaima vol 1, chapter 1: Having heard that the novel is not as critically flawed as the anime, it didn’t seem too much effort to give the first translated chapter a try. A mercifully brief instalment, the chapter covers Saito’s summoning and the beginning of his life as a familiar- it’s too early to judge overall quality, but so far I’m not experiencing the complete and utter turn-off that the anime induced.

Hakuoro here. I am sorry to report that HARD GAY has taken over my body completely, and even now I grapple with my destined partner, Dii. The only hope of regaining the harem lies in defeating him and destroying the last of the HARD GAY temptations, but am I already too far gone to manage that?

The playable characters watch the fight between Monster Hakuoro and Monster Dii.

Oboro: Do you mean to say that even though he spent all that time building a harem, ani-ja was actually HARD GAY?

Benawi: I believe he genuinely did want to be a harem master, but in the end he was overcome by suppressed HARD GAY impulses.

Monster-Dii: Isn’t this just the best, Hakuoro? The ultimate bestiality!

Monster-Hakuoro: Yes! YES!

Monster-Dii: Come on, Hakuoro, show me the true extent of your HARD GAY! This is the kind of relationship I wanted everyone to experience at least once.

(Mutsumi: Dii has found his HARD GAY, but what about my HARD YURI?)

The two monsters continue to grapple, until Flashback Mode activates and takes us back to the era of Mikoto and Iceman. The couple now have a child.

(Iceman: My plans for a furry world are progressing nicely.)

Iceman gives the baby the ring that will later be passed down to Eruruu.

Iceman: Take this- it will be important to the plot sometime in the future.

Unfortunately, the idyllic family life is interrupted by the arrival of Imperial Stormtroopers. Iceman and Mikoto are captured; Iceman awakens back in the lab, now in restraints. A scientis approaches.

Iceman: You bastard! You are jeopardising the future of the furry world!

Scientist: Hahaha, I am an evil scientist! Not only have I dissected your beloved Mikoto, but I have created a replica of your mask so that I too can become attractive to furries!

Iceman: I will make it so that you will never be attractive to anyone again! Instead, you will be trapped in the bodies of low-level RPG monsters!

Iceman transforms into a shadowy, monstrous form and transforms all the scientists in the lab into slimes.

(Iceman: What’s happening? I am awash with conflicting feelings! HARD GAY, harem, which should I choose?)

For some reason, a satellite fires a giant HARD GAY laser down at the earth. Monster-Iceman splits into two halves, which Mutsumi is conveniently on hand to seal away.

(Mutsumi: If I seal away the forces of HARD GAY and harem, perhaps a world of HARD YURI can truly come to pass.)

Back in the present…

Monster Hakuoro: All this time, I was meant to be fighting for harem, but you tried to convert me to the side of HARD GAY!

Monster Dii: Harem is wrong! HARD GAY is the best future for the planet!

Monster Hakuoro: If that is so, then you will have no objections to fusing with me, for I suddenly know how to do that!

Monster Hakuoro absorbs Monster Dii.

Eruruu: Hakuoro-san…

Monster Hakuoro: I am sorry, Eruruu. I tried to become a harem master, but instead I am stuck in this HARD GAY form.

Eruruu: Hakuoro-san, I don’t care! I realised that you were HARD GAY a long time ago, but I still want to make you tea!

Monster Hakuoro: Urotorii, my series is almost over. Please seal me away now.

(Urotorii: Should I do it? It will enable me to claim the harem as my own full-time HARD YURI partners, but then again, it might upset dear Eru.)

Mutsumi: Let’s do it. I will help you.

(Mutsumi: I wasn’t able to start a HARD YURI world when I sealed him away before, but this time will be different.)

Mutsumi: As a token of my good faith and hope for the future of HARD YURI, I will give Kamyu back to you.

Mutsumi leaves Kamyu’s body.

Monster Hakuoro: Urotorii, hurry up! I can’t contain the HARD GAY for much longer!

Urotorii and Kamyu begin the chant of sealing and rune-inscribed pillars rise up out of the earth. As Monster Hakuoro sinks into the earth, Monster Dii’s shade struggles against the confinement.

Oboro: Everyone, standard attack animations!

Oboro, Benawi, Kurou, Dorii, Guraa, Karura and Touka all stab their weapons into Monster Hakuoro.

Monster Hakuoro: Both men and women at once- this must be how it feels to be BI! Now I can depart in peace.

Monster Hakuoro dissolves into a blinding flash of light. Everyone is briefly transported to a featureless world, where the spirit of Hakuoro speaks to them.

Hakuoro: Well everyone, it looks like this is the end, and that means it’s time for my heartfelt farewell scene. Since I’m so incredibly skilled in the bedroom, I know you’re all sad to see me go, but I’m afraid you’ll have to find new partners now.

Oboro: Ani-ja, I wanted to be HARD GAY with you just once.

Dorii/Guraa: So did we!

Hakuoro: I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for that now. Oboro, you must take my place as the puppet emperor, whilst Benawi rules from the shadows.

Eruruu: Hakuoro-san, before you go…was I first wife in your harem?

Hakuoro: Well, since I didn’t get Yuzuha pregnant in this version, I guess you were.

Hakuoro kisses Eruruu and departs. Flash forward to the obligatory ‘what they all did next’ scenes.

Oboro prays at Yuzuha’s grave.

Oboro: Damn, I finally got Hakuoro out of the way, and you had to go and die. I guess it’s HARD GAY all the way for me now.

Benawi and Kurou approach.

Benawi: So, you’re leaving?

Oboro: Yep- everyone knows you’re the better emperor, so you might as well be the real king instead of just the shadow one.

Dorii and Guraa run up to Oboro.

Dorii/Guraa: Young Master, your our favourite HARD GAY partner! Don’t leave us now.

Oboro: Oh well, I guess I’d better take some companionship along to warm my bed at night.

Oboro, Dorii and Guraa leave.

(Kurou: At long last Benawi is all mine again!)

Elsewhere, Karura and Touka run away from generics for some unspecified reason.

Touka: I never thought HARD YURI would be this much fun!

Karura: You bet it is. I wish my past with Urotorii had been explained, but I guess there’s no time for that now.

Munto runs up to tell Urotorii that Kamyu is missing again.

Urotorii: It’s okay, she’ll be back for HARD YURI later.

Sakuya and Kuuya sit together in a field of flowers. Kuuya still has the mind of a child.

(Sakuya: Why do I have to look after the infant?)

Aruruu and Kamyu share a honeycomb whilst resting against Mukkuru.

Aruruu: This is fun.

In a village somewhere, Eruruu works as a physician. As she walks along a path, she sense something behind her, turns around and smiles. What did she see? That will have to wait for the nonexistent sequel.

THE END.

Another week, another round-up, another persistent feeling that I really am following more series than the handful I seem to be covering. This week seems to be an oddly unbalanced one, featuring a select handful of gems amongst a desert of tiresome, forgettable dross- some of it from series I highly praised mere months or even weeks ago. Apologies if the words ‘tedious’ and ‘dull’ have been overused.

Reviewed this week: Black Blood Brothers, Chevalier, Hanoka, Higurashi, Keroro, Mai-Otome DVD Special, Ouran, ROTK, SaiMono, School Rumble, Utawarerumono, NHK, xxxHOLiC

…and in manga: Chokotto Sister, Mai-Otome, Mushishi, REC

ANIME

Black Blood Brothers 2: It’s always worrying when you come to the end of an episode only to find yourself hard pressed to say what it was meant to be about, and it is for this reason that Black Blood Brothers ironically finds itself on the red this week. This episode sees third member Mimiko join the hero party, before vampire Kelly Wong arrives and some generic men with guns start running around. The only reason I’m planning to watch episode three is to see if it can help me determine whether a plot actually exists.

Le Chevalier d’Eon 2: What do you do when your possessed friend starts attacking you? Simple- let the spirit of your sister take over, turn you into a woman, and start fighting back. Yes, the second episode of the historical fantasy is finally here, in which d’Eon must assemble the supporting members of the hero party and start figuring out just what exactly is going on. A refreshingly enjoyable episode amongst a week of dull offerings- all that remains is for the rest of the series to defy space and time and appear before me by tomorrow.

OP impressions: The song is only vaguely worthy, but the sheer quality of the video is impressive.

ED impressions: Unfortunately, I was concentrating more on the character stills than the music, so from this I can deduce that it wasn’t too memorable.

*DROPPED* Hanoka 4: I really thought that five minute episodes would be bearable no matter how poor the content was, but even in small doses Hanoka proved to be too much effort for too little reward. This episode sees Hanoka destroy the enemy Pokemon leader, before she and Yuuri make a three day trek to the ruins of his village. I assume we’re supposed to care, but there’s little incentive to do so.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni 24: As Rena delves deeper into the truth surrounding the mystery of Oyashiro, the series comes to a point where I have to wonder ‘what the hell have I been watching?’, and not in a particularly positive sense. Everything was going fine until the religious fanatics and parasitic disease was mentioned, but unfortunately now it all becomes a little too tenuous and farfetched to swallow, even if it does turn out to be misdirection later on.

Keroro Gunso- the movie: Yes, despite my earlier reluctance, I finally sat down to watch the extended adventures of everyone’s favourite alien frogs. As expected, the movie follows the standard story of a previously unmentioned evil breaking free of its seal and having to be defeated through the powers of love and friendship- it’s not terribly exciting, but has its amusing moments.

*COMPLETE* Mai-Otome DVD Special 9: Remember the promo for Mai-Otome, the one with Mai and Arika arguing over which series was best? This is the continuation of that discussion, but with more characters getting in on the act, and events getting heated to the point where Miyu sets off a large explosion. It’s as throwaway as the majority of Mai-Otome, but worth it to see Natsuki in her robe.

Ouran High School Host Club 24: Refraining from the over-the-top themes of the last few weeks, Ouran takes us two years into the past to reveal how the Host Club began. The most welcome focus of this episode is Kyouya, the calculating third son that no one can fathom…at least until he finds a match of sorts in the completely idiotic Tamaki Suou. There are a couple of scenes that suffer from an excess of repetition, but overall this is a strong character-based episode.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms 22: ROTK treats us to another mix of the tediously dire and the hilariously awful in this instalment, which finally sees an end to both Lu Bu’s story and his very life. Despite having its amusing moments, this arc has had far too many dull stretches- hopefully the next one can take the series back to its unintentionally amusing roots.

Saiunkoku Monogatari 17: It has been far too long since I got my last SaiMono fix, and whilst I’d like to have the rest of the series magically here with me now, this one episode will have to suffice. As well as properly introducing Shouka’s brother Kurou, this episode weaves together the threads of numerous characters as our protagonists prepare to combat the machinations of an evil vase fetishist. Anticipation for the rest of this arc is high.

School Rumble 25: With yet more manga pages to finish on a tight schedule, Harima calls Yakumo over to assist him- only for Tenma to show up instead. Cue yet another bout of romantic misunderstandings between Harima and the incredibly thick-witted (seemingly even more so than usual) Tenma, whilst Yakumo stays at home and looks an old picture book. Whilst nowhere near as awful as episode 24, I can’t say that this episode did a great deal for me- it just seemed so tired and dull that I could barely bring myself to pay attention.

Utawarerumono 25: With so much material to cover, and so little time to do it in, Utawarerumono 25 is basically an exercise in compression, squeezing in as many half-hearted recreations of game scenes as possible. By this point, the series’ primary worth is in parody- it deserved a better adaptation.

Welcome to the NHK 10: This episode was so painfully and tediously drawn out that I have to wonder how it strayed so far from the enjoyment of the NHK manga, and indeed why I am even watching it in the first place. In this 25 hour minute torture session, Satou becomes increasingly obsessed with Misaki, only to start fearing rejection and subsequently receive a visit from his hallucinatory talking appliance friends. Given that the preview for episode eleven looks equally uninspiring, I’m not even sure why I’m continuing to struggle onwards with this.

xxxHOLiC 21-2: Forget logic and science- as this episode of xxxHOLiC demonstrates, we really should be paying more attention to superstitions. Having chosen to take the ‘sensible’ course of ignoring them, poor Watanuki ends up on the receiving end of a couple of the more portentous omens, whilst Doumeki manages to annoy by showing up at Watanuki’s house and expecting to have dinner cooked for him. An average episode overall- it’s not particularly noteworthy, but still reasonably entertaining by xxxHOLiC standards.

Unfortunately, episode 22 then goes on to demonstrate just why I should have spared myself considerable pain by dropping the series long ago, ideally before episode one. Covering part of an arc from the sixth volume of the manga, the episode sees Watanuki come to befriend a woman who has lost her son, at the slowest and most excruciatingly painful pace possible. Worse yet, this episode is only the first of a two-parter- if not for the fact we’re getting close to the end now, xxxHOLiC would already have been removed from my viewing list.

MANGA

Chokotto Sister 33-4: In a bid to enter the Mew Mew Dance competition, Choko convinces Yurika to become the fifth member of their group, and practice for their number begins. Although Choko is unaware of it, a love triangle involving her, Yurika and Kakeru is beginning to develop, whilst Chitose continues to desire Haruma, and fanservice makes its obligatory appearance. It can’t be said that a great deal happens here, but it’s actually a solid enough read.

Mai-Otome 27: The fanservice that plagued the last couple of chapters fades into the background here, as the Mai-Otome manga briefly exhibits something that, under the right conditions, could possibly be mistaken for a plot. This time around, Manshiro and Arika enjoy a farewell party prior to becoming Queen and Otome of Wind Bloom, whilst Nina receives a letter that will change the course of her future. It’s times like these that I must bemoan the wasted potential of the Otome universe, and resolve to get back to writing my oft-promised revision of the series.

Mushishi 8, 31, 32: Continuing in the ‘whatever chapter I can find’ vein of last week, three more instalments of Mushishi are tackled out of sequence. Chapter 8 is the ‘Living God’ story from the anime, the tale of a remote island where a girl ages and dies each night, only to reawaken the next morning. 31 proves that the series has lost nothing even after so many stories, weaving a tale of a sakura tree infested with mushi, and a doctor taking advantage of its unique properties (it’s a lot more interesting than it sounds, but to say more would destroy the impact). 32 is not quite up to 31’s level, but is nonetheless still very good, covering a girl who has lost her reflection to a mushi that will eventually take her shape and replace her. A worthy trio of chapters overall.

REC 15: As if catching Matsumaru’s cold wasn’t bad enough, Aka finds her day turned upside down when his grandmother comes to visit- should she admit that she is living with Matsumaru, or just keep quiet about it for now? A simple and enjoyable chapter, let down a little by Grandma’s near-indecipherable dialect.

Hakuoro here. Although I have finally managed to add Kuuya to my harem, it is a bittersweet victory. No matter how successful I am with my harem, the demands of my monstrous HARD GAY side refuse to disappear, and I worry that it will soon jeopardise everything that I have worked for…

Urotorii and Hakuoro are talking.

Hakuoro: If we’re to combat Mutsumi, I need to know about HARD YURI.

Urotorii: Hakuoro-sama, leave HARD YURI matters to me. The important thing is that we get Kamyu back. Mutsumi should be conveniently waiting for us in Onkamiyakumai- all we need to do is go to her and fight a boss battle.

The nest day, Benawi and Oboro have a duel in the HARD GAY training area. Dorii, Guraa and Kurou watch.

Benawi: You are getting better, but you are not a worthy match for my skills yet.

Hakuoro comes over to have a private talk with Oboro.

Hakuoro: Oboro, if something happens to me, I want you to lead everyone.

(Hakuoro: Benawi is more suited to the role, but he would make me look bad if he was openly in charge.)

Later, Hakuoro goes to see Kuuya, whose mind has reverted to a mental age of about eighteen months.

(Hakuoro: This is an empty victory indeed- I would rather have the mind of a woman in the body of a child than the other way around.)

(Sakuya: Kuuya only remembers Hakuoro now- she will never want to be HARD YURI with me again.)

That night, Oboro sits by Yuzuha’s bedside and considers Hakuoro’s words.

(Oboro: Although there are many better suited to the job, he wants me to lead everyone! I’ve almost come to terms with being HARD GAY, but this reopens the chance of my taking over the harem. Perhaps I should turn BI and get the best of both worlds.)

Meanwhile, Aruruu and Eruruu come to see Hakuoro.

Eruruu: Hakuoro-san, you can’t possibly fight this battle alone. Let us come with you- I can heal, and Aruruu has high defence.

(Hakuoro: As always, I hate putting the harem in danger, but they have a point. My stats are low.)

The next morning, Hakuoro, Eruruu and Aruruu ride out. They are joined by all the other available playable characters.

Touka: Hakuoro-dono, we have not levelled up our stats to be left behind now.

The party reaches Onkamiyamukai with surprisingly little difficulty. Urotorii leads them to an underground room.

Urotorii: This is a previously unmentioned area which I just happen to know how to open. Let’s go inside.

Urotorii opens the way, and a room filled with slimes is revealed. Mutsumi emerges from behind the slimes.

Mutsumi: I’ll just hover up here whilst you fight those monsters.

Kurou: Slimes? Aren’t they usually the sort of monster you fight at the beginning of the game?

Hakuoro: We don’t have time for the usual procedure. I’m going ahead.

Hakuoro, Eruruu and Aruruu run past the slimes and reach a door.

Hakuoro: What do we do now?

The ring plaited into Eruruu’s hair starts glowing, and the door opens.

Eruruu: So, my hair ring was actually a plot device!

(Hakuoro: What’s happening? I think I’m entering Flashback Mode!)

We return to the past era of Iceman and Mizushima.

Mizushima: Iceman, they are planning to freeze you again. If you want to ensure the start of the furry world you desire, you and Mikoto must escape to the surface with the other furries our lab has created.

Iceman and Mikoto go out to the surface, but in the lab, other furries (Mutsumi included) await.

Back in the present, Hakuoro, Eruruu and Aruruu enter Mutsumi’s boss room. Eruruu and Aruruu are swiftly knocked out of the combat zone, leaving Hakuoro to dodge Mutsumi’s energy blasts.

Mutsumi: I will not let you interfere with my vision of a HARD YURI world!

Hakuoro: I don’t want to fight you- I might lose!

As Mutsumi prepares to fire a finishing blast, Aruruu shields Hakuoro.

Hakuoro: Kamyu, remember your place in my harem! You should be by my side along with the others!

Mutsumi is clearly conflicted, but even as she struggles, Dii arrives.

Dii: Mutsumi, you must not waver in the face of harem. Our HARD GAY vision must come to pass.

Hakuoro: Never- harem is the true path!

Dii: Harem? Where you bind underage girls and force them to your will? Is that really the best future for the world?

Eruruu: Stop! I may be a member of Hakuoro’s harem, but I am free to indulge in HARD YURI as well! Both sides can coexist.

Dii: Oh, well that’s different, then. All I really wanted was to sleep with you, Hakuoro, but we’re running out of time so I guess I’ve lost. Go and enjoy your harem.

(Hakuoro: HARD GAY? With Dii? I have to admit, I am intrigued.)

Hakuoro: Since instant changes of heart are all the rage these days, then I’m afraid I’ve changed my mind. Eruruu, I am going to release you from the harem whilst I see my HARD GAY impulses through to their natural conclusion.

Eruruu: Hakuoro, wait!

(Eruruu: All my hard work, all that tea I made- he’s rendered it all pointless!)

Hakuoro transforms into his monster form.

Monster Hakuoro: Do you think that even you can satisfy this form, Dii?

Dii: You fool- you know that I am the most HARD GAY man in this entire series!

Dii transforms into his own monstrous form.

Monster Dii: Let the HARD GAY commence!

Meanwhile, back in the first room, everyone else is still battling the slimes.

Kurou: Why do I feel that the plot has been moving forward without us?

As the room begins to collapse, they all run outside. They watch as the two HARD GAY monsters smash their way out through the roof.

Touka: You mean after all that, Hakuoro-dono was really HARD GAY?

How will the HARD GAY showdown end- and what will the harem think now that they know Hakuoro’s true inclinations? Find out next time, in the exciting conclusion! (I can’t guarantee that it will actually be exciting.)