It’s been a year of ups and downs, of anime gems and utter disappointments- a year when I’ve alternated between craving more and feeling utterly fed up with the continuing deluge of episodes that take no account of the fact that people might have other things to do than stay in and watch all day. Nonetheless, in true years-end tradition, we must review all the new series in an Annual Round-Up, a project which I meant to periodically update through the year but ended up writing at the last minute again.

As always, red titles are those which were dropped, and blues are the picks of the year. Come back on Tuesday for the New Year Rumble, in which we take a look at the year in the life of Azure Flame.

STILL RUNNING FROM 2006

Asatte no Houkou

The beginning of the year saw the end of Asatte no Houkou, a series that had started as a strong character drama and slice-of-life piece, but lost it somewhere with its slow pacing and plot contrivances. Ultimately, the series was a ‘curate’s egg’, good in parts but sorely lacking in others.
Final words: The series may have been called ‘The Direction of the Day After Tomorrow’, but sadly the plot sometimes lacked direction.

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto

Last year, I labelled the emerging Iroha as a tentative pick of the year, but in retrospect, it was more silver than the gold tier it seemed at first. Despite remaining generally enjoyable throughout, the series got mired in a repetitive storyline, numerous historical cameos and an ending that defied sense and explanation.
Final words: Good for those who like action or historical series, but sadly not worthy of entering the hall of classics.

Busou Renkin

Ah, Busou Renkin, a series replete with cheesiness, ridiculous special abilities and Shounen Jump clichés- on the surface of it, hardly something worth writing home about, and yet an important series in its own right. A prime parody candidate, every week of Busou Renkin brought more hilarity than the creators had ever meant to include as Kazuki found himself torn between the worlds of HARD GAY, STRAIGHT and BI.
Final words: I wouldn’t actually watch the series ever again, but parodying it was a lot of fun- blogging hasn’t been the same since.

Le Chevalier d’Eon

At the end of last year, Chevalier was going strong, and it lost very little of its appeal as it moved into its closing episodes. Yes, the ending didn’t make a great deal of sense on close inspection, but with strong characters, worthy action scenes and an unfaltering sense of historical atmosphere, Chevalier remained enjoyable throughout.
Final words: Good enough to parody twice.

La Corda d’Oro

Last year, I had an optimistic view of Corda; this time around, the tale of a Neoromance reverse harem would surely have decent characters and some kind of a plot- or so I thought. Unfortunately, it was not to be- whilst our lead cheated her way through the music competition with a magical violin, the shallow supporting characters and slow pacing did nothing to disguise the general lack of substance.
Final words: Another game adaptation hardly worth writing home about.

Death Note

I enjoyed the Death Note manga, but in anime form, it wasn’t a series that could work for me- the long exposition scenes never seemed suited for an animated format, and attempts to bring the story to life only made Light seem overly theatrical under his red spotlight. After many episodes of thinking “well, the next arc will be better”, I decided to terminate my relationship with the series.
Final words: It didn’t flourish in animated format.

Kanon

As we must all know by now, after the first few episodes, Kanon failed to do much for me- Yuuichi was always too sarcastic and cruel to the girls, who were in turn too one-dimensional to do anything about it. Despite the series’ attempts to tug at the heartstrings, overall it failed to ignite for me, ending up as only another excuse for parody.
Final words: Sad girls in snow don’t make me cry.

Mai-Otome Zwei

Most trainwrecks have the grace to stop and let the rescue crew hunt for survivors, but not Mai-Otome- it just keeps rumbling on. Aside from one or two good action scenes, this whole OVA proved to be a waste of time, introducing a pointless enemy and filling every spare moment with character cameos and fanservice. There was no real reason to expect anything else, but why do I keep getting sucked into this franchise?
Final words: Why do I already know I’ll be watching the next sub-par Otome OVA?

Red Garden

Despite attempts to make its mark with a distinctive art style and a New York setting, Red Garden managed to utterly fail at either the horror or character drama it was presumably aiming for. With four angsty leads who spent most of their time whining or crying and a mystery that dragged on into a totally ridiculous conclusion, Red Garden was a largely dull experience that never rewarded the patience of those who dared to persevere with it.
Final words: Don’t bother with it. Really. It doesn’t get better later on.

Saiunkoku Monogatari

On the strength of its first season, SaiMono established itself as one of my favourites; far from the reverse harem series it first appeared, it actually proved to be an absorbing tale of intrigue, politics and character interaction as one woman chased her dream of becoming her country’s first female official. Of course, the attractive character designs don’t hurt, but to consider this series shallow just because of that would be to do it a great disservice.
Final words: I don’t see why anyone reading this blog wouldn’t have watched SaiMono yet, but if you haven’t, get to it now.

Shounen Onmyouji

A fairly generic tale of a young onymouji being sent to fight the strongest demons just because he happens to be the main character, Shounen Onmyouji was often pointless and rarely very good, but somehow managed to retain interest by having twelve spirit summons who were gradually introduced over the course of the series- and with many of them having little more than a basic appearance, the series even seemed to demand a second season in which to adapt more of the novels.
Final words: Large casts usually work against a series, but in this case it was a draw for an otherwise average series.

WINTER 2006/7
Winter is traditionally a slow month for anime, but could the fledgling 2007 break the curse of the cold months? Sadly, with only a couple of worthy series that were worth following to the end, it seemed that it could not.

Deltora Quest
Despite numerous failures, I’ve always kept my eye out for decent fantasy series, but sadly, Deltora Quest was not one of them. Despite being so packed with cliché and unintentional hilarity that it could have made a good parody candidate, the fact that the series needed to resort to budget saving flashbacks and stills as early as episode four was far from a good sign, and when the next episode proved to be even more dull and uneventful (consisting as it did of answering riddles), the series was quickly shelved, never to be touched again.
Final words: Classic fantasy in anime needs drastic reinvention.

Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight
School comedies have always been hit or miss for me, and Manabi Straight struck right out in its first episode. With an energetic and clueless lead who somehow becomes school president, Manabi Straight didn’t do a great deal for me, and was quickly assigned to the Recycle Bin.
Final words: Not for me.

Ichigo Mashimaro OVA

Basically a continuation of the TV series, the Ichigo Mashimaro OVA offered three more episodes of Nobue and the girls’ everyday adventures. Despite dragging a little in the second episode, overall the OVA was as entertaining as the TV series, with apt observations and polished delivery and timing turning basic activities into a source of amusement and entertainment.
Final words: A nice coda for a strong TV series.

Les Miserables Shoujo Cosette
As an attempt to adapt the original novel to a fifty-episode series aimed at the younger audience, Cosette seemed determined to make life hard for itself, and the results were appropriately unspectacular. With its emphasis on the Cinderella-esque life of Cosette, the series dripped with twee sentiments and overused plotlines to the exclusion of the good parts of the story.
Final words: Almost painful in its execution.

Maria-sama ga Miteru OVA

Prior to this OVA, I liked MariMite- despite all the angst, it managed to deliver a worthy tale of school life with a sprinkling of HARD YURI. Unfortunately, it was not a format that could make the transition to fifty-minute OVA episodes with any grace- everything became terribly long, drawn out and dull, whilst the HARD YURI content took advantage of its newfound freedom to reach new and unforeseen heights.
Final words: I’ll still be trying season four, but this OVA was a major setback for the franchise.

Nodame Cantabile

The only real noteworthy TV series from the winter season (aside from Hidamari Sketch and Himawari!!, both of which I still need to start), Nodame Cantabile promised to be ‘Honey and Clover with music’, but instead became tantalisingly inconsistent. At times, its insights into its two leads- one a technical genius, the other an intuitive talent- made it compelling viewing, but all too often the off-kilter humour and wacky side characters ruined the mood, whilst an air of Shounen Jump “let’s level up and make the strongest orchestra!” always lurked in the background. Despite these flaws, however, Nodame was overall a worthwhile investment of time, and with the manga still ongoing, a second season would be welcomed.
Final words: Snatches of greatness kept the series appealing even as the wackier elements suggested switching off would be the way to go.

SPRING 2007
Spring is usually the best season for anime, and indeed there were lots of promising contenders right out of the gate. When it came to the long haul, however, which would make it to the finish line, and which would run out of steam?

Bokurano
As readers may know, I love, adore and worship the Bokurano manga, and so I was delighted to hear that it was going to be adapted into an anime…right up until the moment I heard Studio “adaptation trainwreck” Gonzo would be handling it. Nonetheless, I went into the series with an open mind, only to find disappointment with major story changes and a complete lack of tension in the pacing- worse yet, the director himself claimed that he didn’t even like the original! I took his advice and chose not to watch any more.
Final words: If someone tries to pretend this anime even existed, I shall stick my fingers in my ears and sing loudly.

Claymore

I’ve managed to upset many Claymore fans by not rating the manga very highly, but let’s face it- faults aside, I’m still reading after seventy-four chapters and I do want to know how it’s all going to turn out. The same could not be said for the anime, which bucked me off like a recalcitrant horse after a mere eleven episodes thanks to uninspiring characters, dull fight scenes and a washed out colour scheme.
Final words: Give me Berserk any day.

Darker than Black

During its early episodes, I had the highest of hopes for Darker than Black- it seemed slick, well directed and packed with the perfect mix of exposition, mystery and action. Unfortunately, despite such a strong start, the series soon began to flounder, adopting a pacing more suited to a fifty-episode series as it introduced minor characters, packed in last minute explanations and generally failed to live up to those early days. Even Yoko Kanno’s work on the music didn’t seem up to her usual high standard, ensuring that no aspect of the series really lived up to its potential.
Final words: Darker than Black it may be, but it wasn’t better than good.

Dennou Coil

Ah, Dennou Coil, how much more can I praise you? I accept that this series wasn’t perfect, but if you’ll excuse the lapse into informality, it was damn close. Never before has a series so deserved to be lavished with internet praise along the lines of 1337, awesome and w1n, all thanks to an intriguing setting and story, combined with memorable and well developed characters. Mere words alone are not enough to praise this series, which was surely the best offering of 2007.
Final words: I worship at the shrine of Dennou Coil, and encourage others to join.

El Cazador de la Bruja

Better known as “El Caza-bore”, this third instalment in Bee Train’s girls-with-guns series did indeed contain girls and guns, but not in any combination that produced action. Instead, what we got was the most dreary road trip through a version of Latin America that contained only cacti, roadside diners and various other dusty clichés. Just watching all twenty-six episodes was an effort in itself, and one I only pursued for the sake of creating a superior parody version of events.
Final words: You haven’t experienced boredom until you’ve watched El Cazador.

Heroic Age
A series about a character named Age rather than an age of heroes, Heroic Age tried to create an epic setting involving space battles, legendary tribes and the like, but somewhere along the line it all became a dull universe populated by rejects from other Xebec series. With even the cameraman opting to stay well back from the action, there seemed little reason for anyone else to try to examine it closely.
Final words: Another average offering from Xebec.

Hitohira
A series about a shy girl who gets so nervous that she can’t speak (yet somehow gets into the drama club due to her occasional ability to shout), Hitohira was something I stuck with for a mere two episodes, before deciding that it wasn’t going to bring me anything particularly worthy. With forgettable characters and hints of HARD YURI, Hitohira seemed to patch together elements of other series like Tsuyokiss and Gokujou Seitokai- hardly a recommendation.
Final words: Like its lead, Hitohira remained quiet and unnoticed.

Koutetsu Sangokushi

As a fan of the Three Kingdoms era, I was looking forward to a series that would surely present it better than the forgettable 1990s effort- but sadly, despite superior production values, Koutetsu Sangokushi was not to be that series. Although Koutetsu should be praised for focusing on the kingdom of Wu, it loses points for its extreme levels of ridiculousness, from a super-HARD GAY gender-confused cast to the inclusion of special sentai powers for the main characters- somehow I just don’t remember these things happening in the original novel.
Final words: As far as historical adaptations go, this one is just laughably ridiculous.

Lucky Star

A series that attracted both hate and adoration in adoration, Lucky Star did very little for me; I didn’t despise it, but for me it just did very little- episodes would pass by and I would sit in front of them, almost completely indifferent to them. Occasionally I would laugh, but much of the series was just white noise.
Final words: Ichigo Mashimaro and Minami-ke make everyday life amusing, but Lucky Star just rambles on and on.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS
The first two seasons of Nanoha weren’t great, but they won me over with their attractive character designs and worthy action scenes; sadly, the first thing StrikerS did was to introduce new characters to an already bloated cast and throw out actual battle in favour of training against robots. Whilst the leads were forced to wear limiters to remove their God Modes, everything was left in the hands of the newbies, whilst what had once been a simple world of magical girls fighting evil became tied up in pointless bureaucracy. It may have improved later on, but after six episodes, I bailed out.
Final words: No more Nanoha for me.

Murder Princess
An OVA from Bee Train, Murder Princess told the tale of a princess and a bounty hunter who rather randomly end up swapping bodies, but unfortunately, what looked like it would at least be a mildly entertaining fantasy series was ruined by ridiculous elements such as a mad scientist and his two loli androids. In the end, even a mere six episodes of this seemed like too much.
Final words: Nice character designs, shame about the rest.

Oh! Edo Rocket

With its low profile and childish-looking character designs, Oh! Edo Rocket initially didn’t seem like something worth watching- but how wrong I was. After some positive recommendations, I reversed my position and took the plunge, and it was eminently worth it. A series so crazy that you cannot help but love it, Oh! Edo Rocket is nominally about a fireworks maker trying to create a rocket that can go to the moon, but there is much more packed into it- from secret ‘Men in Black’ with special powers to aliens, monsters and a metric ton of pop culture references. It’s crazy, hilarious, sometimes a little dark, and a cut above pretty much every other anime that relies so heavily on humour and parody.
Final words: If Dennou Coil is the best series of the year, then this one must deserve the silver medal.

Romeo X Juliet

Adaptations come from many sources, but could anime really make something out of a Shakespeare play? Whether or not it could, Gonzo was determined to try, and in their usual fashion, they glanced at the original, threw it out of the window, and created a version that involved magical trees, flying horses and an aerial city that just happened to be named Neo Verona. Despite the general lack of similarity to the original, the series started well enough, and seemed as if it would go down as inoffensive light entertainment; unfortunately, as it progressed, the plot became ever more lacking and ridiculous, whilst the leads hardly inspired one to care for their plight. In the end, it found its greatest worth in the parody arena.
Final words: Romeo X Juliet? More like Ridiculous X Joke.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II

After such a strong first series, was it any surprise that I wanted more SaiMono? Unfortunately, with subs having dried up, I had to go it alone into the domain of raws, which for such a dialogue-heavy series meant relying on Impz and usagijen to help me through. Unfortunately, this approach distances me a little from the action, so that whilst I still enjoy the series and think it is good, it just doesn’t hook me in as it did before. Is it the complex web of storyline that I can’t follow in raw, the introduction of a few too many new characters, or the decision to slow down the pacing a bit to accommodate the fact that the series is catching up with the novels?
Final words: I love it, but I want to spend more time exploring the main characters- maybe a full immersion in the world of the series is what is needed.

Sakura Taisen New York
Having enjoyed the first two Sakura Wars OVAs and the TV series, I felt it was high time to branch out into the later OVAs- only to discover that with New York, I had chosen a poor place to start. With a brand new lead and his harem of shallow girls, this failed attempt to recapture the original Sakura Taisen magic completely and utterly fell flat, forcing me to abandon it by its second episode.
Final words: The original cast cannot be bettered.

Seirei no Moribito

It had the most beautiful of settings, but after a strong early start, that ultimately seemed to be all Seirei no Moribito could offer. Although its slow and tranquil pacing satisfied some, for me it was a case of being a series where not only did nothing ever happen, but it took a long time about not happening. There were a few worthy action scenes, but the rest of the series was drenched in sitting and talking- and so many episodes of static conversation can grow stale.
Final words: Instead of making anime, let’s just sit and talk about it.

Shining Tears X Wind
RPG adaptations are renowned for not being up to much, and when the source material is reputedly “the worst RPG ever” (and its sequel), you can’t really expect much. Even so, Shining Tears somehow managed to achieve new levels of awfulness, with its pointless and forgettable leads, incongruous elements (tanks and lasers in a fantasy kingdom) and general lack of anything that can be praised. I once considered Disgaea to be the worst anime ever, but this series has taken that spot.
Final words: It was a pile of Shining Tears X Wind.

Shinkyoku Soukai Polyphonica

Despite having encountered disappointment with the likes of YoakeNa, I still found myself drawn to eroge and visual novel-based series with worthy character designs- hence my brief relationship with Polyphonica. Unfortunately, even the lovely Corticarte could not disguise the fact that Polyphonica was pretty much entirely pointless filler- and when a beach episode appeared as early as episode three, I knew it was time to bail out.
Final words: Have I learned my lesson this time? I hope so.

SKULLMAN
Skullman, Skullman, does whatever a skull can…sits motionless, on a shelf- well, you get the idea. Based on a retro manga and series, SKULLMAN was not a series well-adapted for life in the twenty-first century, and by its first episode it was already floundering. With spoilers on wikipedia recounting a miserable background and fate for the eponymous anti-hero, it hardly seemed watching any more.
Final words: He’s a man… with a skull for a head! Bet you couldn’t guess that from the title, eh?

Victorian Romance Emma Second Act

The first season of Emma was highly enjoyable, but the fact that it only covered two volumes of the manga left the story hanging. With that in mind, a second season seemed a true blessing, although ultimately it was not one that was handled as well as it could have been. Despite having a further five volumes to cover and only twelve more episodes to do it in, Second Act began with a filler episode, before proceeding to cut out large chunks of the story (although admittedly the manga storyline of Emma being kidnapped and taken to America had seemed a little farfetched at the time). All in all, it was still a highly worthy series, just not as good as it could have been.
Final words: You can’t go wrong with Emma, but this still didn’t quite live up to its potential.

Wellber no Monogatari ~Sisters of Wellber~

The tale of a thief and a princess trying to flee one country and make it to another before a deadline, Wellber was another of those series that didn’t seem to bring anything original to the table, but nonetheless appeared entertaining enough to watch. Unfortunately, elements such as predictable storylines and a talking tank conspired against it, but overall it just managed to pull through as a piece of light entertainment- not least because of the unintentional hilarity that cropped up in most episodes.
Final words: Mildly entertaining.

SUMMER 2007
In principle, summer is when everyone is enjoying themselves in the great outdoors- and so why bother to air much in the way of good anime? Still, given the poor showings of summer 2005-6, 2007 might just have the edge over them with its single digit selection.

Baccano!

With a wealth of named characters and a timeline that jumped back and forth through early 1930s America, Baccano was never the easiest series to follow, and indeed, even now I cannot say I had much of a clue what was going on throughout large chunks of it. Even so, the sheer enthusiasm and attack which the series brought to our screens was so infectious that one could not help but enjoy it- whether it was a tense shootout or just Isaac and Miria getting up to their usual antics, Baccano was always entertaining- and with many more novels left to adapt, hopes for a second season are high.
Final words: Every season needs a good historical series, and this was the summer’s candidate.

Doujin Work

A short series focusing on a young woman who believes she can make her fortune drawing doujinshi, Doujin Work was never going to be anything very special, but despite the budget animation and predictable jokes, it was somehow entertaining. And with the actual episodes running at only fourteen minutes (the rest of the time slot was taken up with a live action guide to making doujinshi), it isn’t a huge investment in time either.
Final words: Light entertainment done right.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai

After the first season, Higurashi had generally failed to impress, but having embarked upon the franchise, I felt I had to carry it through- a feeling that eroded with every week of watching Kai. Everything just felt so drawn out and over the top, especially Satoko’s situation (I would applaud the series for at least having a go at tackling the difficult subject of child abuse, but then again, is that something I really want to watch for entertainment?). Even the introduction of Hanyu to the mix couldn’t save the plot, and in the end I decided to leave the citizens of Hinamizawa to their miserable fate.
Final words: It fails in the execution.

Mononoke

Having been largely bored by Ayakashi, I approached its spin-off with caution- what if it was more of the same excruciatingly slow pacing? Nonetheless, having watched and enjoyed Requiem from the Darkness right before it started to air, I decided to take the plunge, and although Mononoke did indeed have its weak points, it turned out the be the right decision. With an intriguing lead character, unique art style and slicker direction than its predecessor, Mononoke managed to hit all the right notes for supernatural fantasy. A second season would not go amiss.
Final words: It succeeded because it didn’t have ‘Ayakashi’ in the title.

Mushi-Uta

Call me shallow, but the whole reason I wanted to watch Mushi-Uta was because the title seemed to label it as the bastard son of Mushishi and Utawarerumono. In fact, aside from a masked character who resembled Hakuoro, it bore very little resemblance to either, but after a shaky start, Mushi-Uta finally came up with the goods. Although the mixture of giant bug battles and high school life was often confusing, and in spite of the fact that I could barely get a grip on the characters’ names, the story slowly drew me in, to the extent that I even cared about the fate of a minor character. As with several other series this year, it needs a second season.
Final words: Sometimes randomly picked choices can work out well after all.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

Since the blogworld once had its own Hopeless Sensei, this anime seemed almost destined to be watched, and happily it was a series well suited to SHAFT’s randomness. A classroom comedy with a twist of bleak despair, Sensei was much like any other comedy- funny when it hit the mark, but somewhat random and a little tedious when it didn’t. Coupled with a distinctive high contrast art style, it made the series memorable and unique, but not always for the right reasons.
Final words: Somewhat inconsistent, but with some highly worthy moments.

Tetsuko no Tabi
It’s hard for me to really appraise Tetsuko no Tabi since out of thirteen episodes I’ve only seen a badly subbed version of the first one, but nonetheless I’ll include it for completeness. A series based on actual train journeys, Tetsuko no Tabi had an interesting enough first episode, but without more material to work with, I can’t really form a proper opinion on this.
Final words: Won’t anyone sub this?

Zombie-Loan
DearS never looked promising, and Peach-Pit had already disappointed me with Rozen Maiden, but nonetheless for some reason I just had to try Zombie-Loan. Unfortunately, the series proved to lack much in the way of appeal, coming across only as an inferior version of xxxHOLiC and Tokyo Babylon.
Final words: CLAMP already did it better.

AUTUMN 2007
Like the spring, the autumn is meant to be replete with series worth watching, but let’s face it- Autumn 2007 was a big fat disappointment. Yes, there were some good series, but somehow the preponderance of mediocrity combined with circumstances in the outside world ensured that anime enthusiasm reached new and previously unexplored lows.

Aria the OVA ~Arietta~
For those of us who needed more Aria to keep us going, this brief OVA would have to make do between the long-finished second and upcoming third seasons. There’s not much to say about it, really, other than that it was another gentle and tranquil half-hour of life in Neo-Venezia, and in fact proved to be so worthy that I sat and watched it without even wanting to disturb my concentration by taking screencaps.
Final words: Punyu!

Clannad

I enjoyed Air and disliked Kanon, so it seemed likely that Clannad would fall somewhere in between, and indeed, so far it has. With a more likable lead than Kanon, it immediately scores over its predecessor, but unfortunately there seems to be a limit to the number of “sad girls” stories one person can swallow before becoming a little blasé about the whole thing.
Final words: It’s not bad, but I just can’t fangirl over it.

ef- a tale of memories
Whilst Owen and the others raved over it in their multi-post extravaganza, ef for me was a title that needed to be put on hiatus after episode three- the idea of someone being unable to retain their memories for more than thirteen hours was intriguing, but watching ef felt like following three different series, of which only one was worth following. I shall one day go back and watch the rest of the season in one go, but it wasn’t something where I wanted to put the effort of watching weekly.
Final words: I’ll get back to it…later.

Genshiken II
I enjoyed the first season of Genshiken, and so it seemed a foregone conclusion that the second would strike gold as well- after all, it had the rest of the original manga to work with. And indeed, Genshiken 2 quickly launched back into familiar territory, with familiar situations, character development and the sad realisation that many of our favourite personalities were graduating and moving on.
Final words: Now onwards to the manga.

Gundam 00
After Seed Destiny, my relationship with the Gundam franchise hit something of a rocky patch, so much so that it would take something far better than the usual Sunrise fare to repair it. Sadly, Gundam 00 wasn’t about to do that for me, and after a few episodes of pointless factions and a group who planned to enforce world peace by instigating wars, I decided to put the whole series on the heating element behind the normal back-burner.
Final words: Watching it can wait until 2008.

Hero Tales
With a name like ‘Hero Tales’, it was pretty obvious that this series wasn’t going to be up to much- even the FMA mangaka couldn’t really weave a good story about a boy with a destined sword. After watching an episode to assess its parody potential, I decided that even the gods of parody couldn’t expect me to watch something so boring in aid of a few laughs, and so it was put aside.
Final words: As original as its title.

Kaiji

Series dripping with GAR MANLINESS aren’t usually my thing, but having enjoyed Akagi so much, it seemed only logical to see what Madhouse could make of one of the mangaka’s other works- ‘Gambling Apocalypse Kaiji’. Whilst Kaiji is more emotional and less cold than Akagi, the twists and turns of his story are still worthy viewing- although one cannot help feeling a little sorry for poor Kaiji as his mammoth efforts in trying to win games dreamt up by sadistic yakuza only seem to result in him getting ever more in debt. I fear that twenty-six episodes won’t be enough for this series.
Final words: This series should be shown to everyone who finds themselves in danger of incurring debt.

Minami-ke

Keen for an extra dose of Ichigo Mashimaro, I went forth into Minami-ke, a similar tale about the everyday lives of three sisters. Despite trepidation that it would turn into another Lucky Star, Minami-ke had the required wit and delivery to make it entertaining rather than dull, and already a second season (albeit a retelling rather than a sequel) is set to air this January.
Final words: Forget choco cornets, melon pan and taiyaki, this year’s in-food is cream stew.

Mokke

Ever since enjoying Shrine of the Morning Mist, I’ve been on the lookout for the next entertaining silver/bronze tier supernatural series, and Mokke seems to be it. It may not be anything special, but the episodic tales of a pair of sisters- one who can see spirits, the other who gets possessed by them- has largely proven to make for enjoyable viewing, and the addition of a cat with special powers is just the icing on the cake.
Final words: Bronze tier entertainment.

Moyashimon

As the latest series to air in the vaunted noitaminA block (I know it’s ‘Animation’ spelt backwards, but it still sounds like some kind of vitamin or mineral to me), Moyashimon had a lot to live up to, but fortunately, all it needed was its uniqueness to make it a hit. Unappealing as a series about microbes may sound, when you take into account the fact that to our lead these microbes look rather cute, the whole thing takes on a new dimension; in fact, you wouldn’t go far wrong if you were to watch the series for this novelty alone. Fortunately, the rest of the content is solid enough, even if the characters are a little wacky.
Final words: I never once thought I’d say that I wanted a plushie of Aspergillus oryzae, but I want one.

Rental Magica
Where the search for supernatural light entertainment brought some successes in 2007, it also racked up a few failures, and Rental Magica was one of them. Populated by rejects from other series, Rental Magica seemed sure to at least mildly interest with its episodic tales of a company of magic users solving problems, but apart from a master of cat shikigami, there was little to engage the viewer.
Final words: Something to go back to when you have absolutely nothing else to watch.

Shakugan no Shana II

Even though I enjoyed it at the time, in retrospect the original Shakugan no Shana had a lot wrong with it- not least of which were the pointless and uninspiring villains. Even so, a second season would surely forge ahead into interesting and unknown parts of the novel series- or maybe not. For instead, Shana II decided to diverge into an uninteresting game-based tale that seemed determined to shake off all but the most devout of fans. With last season’s confession revoked and the love polygon once again taking hold, it seemed as if this was one series worth bailing out of.
Final words: There’s completion, and then there’s masochism- watching Shana II was surely the latter.

Sketchbook ~full color’S~

Every year needs a good slice-of-life series, and whilst Sketchbook was not to be in the Aria/YKK class, it was still an enjoyable series, not least because of the high volume of cats and fat chickens contained therein. Although it times it seemed as if it was trying too hard to capture a calm atmosphere that should just come naturally, Sketchbook was still worth watching, and after initially thinking little of the shy and quiet lead, after a while I began to identify with her- all too often I end up thinking a lot more than I actually end up saying (but no more! Now I shall never shut up!).
Final words: Full of cats.

And so, 2007 has shown us both good and bad (much like every year, really) and all we can do is await 2008 and the offerings it shall bring us. See you next year!

Shounen Onmyouji X Dennou Coil

An unlikely pairing, perhaps, but this crossover was suggested with but one aim in mind- the alliance of Isako and Kazane. Whilst Isako takes the role of chief villain in the series, Kazane becomes her loyal underling, and together the two girls achieve the one thing most villains cannot- they actually manage to take over the world. Can anyone stand against the combination of futuristic encoder techniques and the onmyou magic of historical fantasy? Find out on Dennou Onmyouji, aka Shounen Coil!

Ridiculous gaming challenges

• Final Fantasy 7: Complete game with initial equipment, no materia and if possible no item use or levelling up.
• Final Fantasy 8: Complete game with no junctioning, weapon remodelling or advanced limit breaks (i.e. ones that require special items or weapon upgrades to learn).
• Disgaea: Complete game with only story characters and prinnies, or for an added challenge, only prinnies.
• Phantom Brave: Complete game with only Marona- no confining allowed. Weaker gamers may heal and buy weapons on the island.
• Ratchet and Clank: Complete games with only the wrench, except where a specific weapon or gadget is absolutely necessary to advance the series.
• .hack: Complete all four games with Kite alone (with initial equipment), except for when other characters must come along to advance the story. For added challenge, do not use items or skills, and only save at the end of each game. Grunties are not allowed.
• Final Fantasy Tactics: Complete game with only story characters and the generics you are given at the beginning of the game; or better yet, with only Ramza and guest characters (you may bring out one more character when two squads are needed). No class changes are allowed.
• Final Fantasy X: Complete game without using the Sphere Grid at all. Summons are not allowed.
• Final Fantasy X-2: Complete game with default dresspheres.
• Legend of Dragoon: Complete game without Additions or Dragoon transformations.

Shining Tears X Wind 9

Of course you can, that’s the essence of HARD GAY.

“I’ll have sex with anything that’s got a pulse!”

“Take my giant Sword!”

Ah, another suggestive title.

When Fruit Attack

First a pineapple launches its assault.

“Counterattack!”

“Don’t tell me it’s embarrassing to be seen fighting fruit!”

“See how you like it!”

Bananas rise up for the second wave.

“We’re sick of being in so many banana peel jokes! How do you think we feel when the poor sap treads on us?”

“…even these fruit are deadly.”

Random Thoughts: Liu Bei

Following our exclusive interview with Zhuge Liang, we were given the chance to talk to Liu Bei himself! Liu Bei, how do you respond to accusations that your role in the Three Kingdoms era has been exaggerated to make you seem more righteous?

How dare you even suggest that my adventures in the novel and ROTK anime are less than one hundred percent realistic!? They are an exact portrayal of honourable and righteous nature, for I, Liu Bei, can do no wrong!

You did spend rather a lot of time in ROTK running away, though.

It’s called strategy- were I a lesser man, I would call you an asinine fool right now, but I am too kindly for that.

Ah yes, of course- but if you are indeed as honourable as you claim, why did you dash your son to the ground after Zhao Yun went to the effort of rescuing him?

I can make any number of children, but Zhao Yun is the one of a kind lover no man wants to surrender easily. Ah, the nights spent impaled on his Spear- good times, good times.

Okay then, moving on- why do you look so much like a girl in Koutetsu Sangokushi? Are you in fact meant to be a woman in that series?

Look, I’ll level with you- the royalties from Dynasty Warriors aren’t all that great now that there are so many playable characters, and my last steady employment was in a 1991 anime. If I’m getting paid, then I’ll wear any costume- even chest padding and a pink afro.

And finally- is Zhuge Liang really all that Zhuge?\r\nHe’s Zhuger than you can imagine.\r\n\r\n

This Week in Anime

Tomato suffers unfortunate fate.

Plush prinnies spotted.

Vegetables have a conference.

“Which vegetables should I choose?”

“Let’s go with these Sunrise-grown magic mushrooms!”

“Get your nondescript red fruit here!”

Darker than Black- an equal opportunities advertiser for fast food franchises.

No matter who or what you are, fruit is always watching you.

“Yeah, I caught these oranges trying to sneak in to our home.”

A new record is set for coffee milk drinking.

Anime World Tour: Koutetsu Sangokushi

Journey back to a very unique interpretation of 3^rd century China, one which will let you view your beloved Three Kingdoms era in a whole new light. In this alternate world, women have been replaced with good looking and virile young men, all seeking to get in bed with each other- and what’s more, they even have special magic devices to enhance their HARD GAY! Whether you fancy the flower gardens of Wu, the castle pleasure boats of Wei, or the gentle riversides or Shu, we have settings and men to suit every single taste! Sadly, however, we cannot admit women into our Pleasure paradise- please apply elsewhere.

OST spotlight: Final Fantasy X

Nobuo Uematsu is joined by two other composers on this soundtrack, resulting in a score that is “the same but different” as compared to its predecessors- the FF feel remains, but now there is a higher proportion of bold brass-led themes, and even an attempt at heavy metal. It is in the more introspective pieces that the OST does its best, however, with some simple yet memorable piano pieces standing out from the crowd. A fitting soundtrack to mark how FFX made the transition to a new console whilst retaining links to what had come before.

Notable tracks: To Zanarkand, Normal Battle, Summoned, Silence Before the Storm, The Splendid Performance, Brass de Chocobo, Attack, Path of Repentance, Suteki da ne, Decisive Battle, Ending Theme

Mini-editorial: spoiled by subs?

Although it may seem unfashionable to dig up that old subs vs. dubs issue, this week I want to follow on from the comments here to ask if an increased exposure to subbed anime lowers one’s tolerance for dubs, and if one can (or would even want to) go back.

Now, back in the early years of my proper anime addiction, slow internet at home and university rules on peer-to-peer programs meant that fansubs were neglected, leaving DVDs and TV broadcasts as my primary form of exposure. Back in those days, I would happily watch most dubs with little complaint, only switching to Japanese audio on the second viewing for DVDs.

In time, however, all that changed- combined exposure to fansubs and some awful dubs (Tenjho Tenge, for one), saw me switching to the Japanese audio immediately, to the point where it seemed wrong to even accidentally hear a line of English audio. Voice acting which had once been acceptable or even pleasing to the ears was now grating and painful to experience, and the thought of watching English language broadcasts on TV nigh untenable. Somehow, it didn’t seem so bad when playing games, but anime was now to be experienced in Japanese only.

Ultimately, then, are Japanese voice actors so much better than their English counterparts that listening them is akin to tasting fresh bread after years of stale toast, preventing one from ever going back? Is it just that the budget for dubbing anime is too low to allow for higher standards to be achieved? Do we get so tired of the same old set of voices that we simply cannot countenance hearing them over and over? Is it just better to always listen to things in their original language where possible (after all, would anyone want to try the likes of The Simpsons in Japanese for more than novelty purposes?).

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between two mysterious red-haired bishies- Toya from Ceres, Celestial Legend and Mansairaku from the Tokyo arc of Otogi Zoshi. Both have a romantic connection with the female lead, and start off assisting her (or simply appearing) in the background before stepping forward to take a more active role in the plot.

Amusing Search Terms

sidekick 2 designs: what was wrong with sidekick 1?

pumpkin flames: Burn those pumpkins!

Maria-sama Hard Panda: Again?

manga and anime women in black and white: Colour is the devil’s tool.

how to use rpg maker: such a simple request can lead to great hardship, believe me.

free gay anime parodies: Free? You mean I should start charging?

Last news about hunterxhunter ova 5: I’d wait for OVA4 first.

“anime blog” “captured”: “Bad news, sir, we have been captured by the enemy and forced to blog only boring shows!”

Amusing Spam- now rated R

“Hi

It is healthy, I shall come on your site more often, thank.”

Reading Azure Flame- now proven beneficial to your health! Throw out those diets and exercise programs!

“Burt Bicknell…

I guess the thing that upsets me about commercial pet food is that I can”t control what’’s in it … exactly.

I notice that Piper gets a really runny nose whenever she Is eating commercial dog food (hiiiigh percentages of corn or wheat), or if I …”

Burt, I completely agree…wait, I don’t even own a dog.

“junior tijned…

We encourage you to take some added time checking out gay fuck information….”

I had to laugh out loud at this one, especially when they followed up with an advisory to check out dick “information”.

“Loans Payday…

You can expect that personal financial advisors who travel in Sacramento semioccasionally endorse cash loans…”

Shocking.

“Jessie…

I have a thing for women with authority. I believe in equality in relationships. A chick who is too passive, who never takes charge of a situation and who waits for me to make all the decisions make…”

You won’t be interested in Belldandy, then.

“Free Anal Porn Videos…

Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me :)…”

Yeah, I mean come on- free!? People will pay through the nose for this stuff!

• Kureha: despite the unfortunate association with Shining Wind, I cannot help but want this.
• Himawari: I didn’t want this at first and it’s not normally the style of figure I like, but she’s just so brightly coloured, cute and energetic.
• Shenhua: the big ears are distracting but I love the costume and pose.
• Fasalina: Okay, so the boobs are totally unrealistic but I must have it- nothing shall come between me and getting this figure.

Emma parody dub: extracts

With the news that Emma has been licensed and will be released in sub only boxsets, it becomes clear that there is room for something else on the DVDs- a parody dub. Let’s take a look at what those crazy US companies might just include.

William: Yo, what’s up, Emma my girl?

Emma: Yo Bill, not much. Wanna hang out down at Crystal Palace later?

William: Sure thing, honey.

Hakim: Discount sale at Kwik-E-Mart!

Eleanor: This is such a bummer- my Bill has eyes for some maid!

Annie: Let’s teach her a lesson, boss.

Eleanor: Right on!

Bokurano alternate universe spin-offs

Welcome to a new moneymaking scheme designed to milk as much out of Bokurano as possible! In each spin-off, we focus on what might have happened in the lives of the characters if they had never become Zearth pilots.

• Waku: experience the thrills and spills as he hones his soccer skills in a desperate attempt to get into the major leagues. Will he ever play in the World Cup?
• Kodama: Now several years older, Kodama is the ruthless owner of his father’s company. Can his cruel streak ever be softened by his beautiful secretary?
• Daichi: Join him as he struggles to support his siblings through an increasingly intense schedule of assorted part-time jobs, all the while trying to get an education.
• Nakama: Can she get her fledgling needlework business off the ground, or will it all end in disaster?
• Kako: Now an adult, Kako is a lackey for the Yakuza- can he break out of the criminal underworld, or is this his ultimate fate?
• Chizu: Also an adult, Chizu must struggle with bringing up her child as a single mother whilst working in a police department designed to help women who have been the victim of rape.
• Moji: Explore the love triangle between him and his childhood friends as the trio grow up and find themselves at the same high school.
• Maki: Experience her adventures as she and her little brother get into all sorts of scrapes and mischief.
• Kirie: In the future, Kirie has put his past behind him and reinvented himself as a suave and successful playboy, but will the truth of his school days catch up with him?
• Komo: Join her as she attends music college and gives it her all in an increasingly difficult set of competitions.
• Anko: Anko has finally managed to become an idol, but is the life she dreamed of all it is cut out to be?

Shining Tears X Wind 7

Souma arranges a schedule for TANK.

“Ah, this is the life- two women to service me and I don’t even need to stir from my oversized chair.”

Somehow, Souma has earned his own office.

He’s even up to the level of mediating disputes.

Even so, it pays to have a backup job, such as playing Naruto’s understudy.

Who fancies some giant Cannon?

“This Sword is absolutely not here to compensate for any Ezo I may or may not have.”

“Oh, okay, maybe it is.”

Shinkyoku Soukai Polyphonica 2

“If you won’t join us for group Pleasure, I’ll give you a painful hand job!”

Random Thoughts: Akidzuki

This week we get up close and personal with Akidzuki from Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto! Akidzuki, did you ever feel that you were short-changed as the main character due to a general lack of dialogue and development?

Of course I do, although I was lucky enough to earn myself some fangirls anyway, so even though my part in the series wasn’t much of a stretch beyond the action scenes, it wasn’t a total loss in terms of raising my profile. Now that the series is over, I might as well admit that scriptwriter Soutetsu did offer me a bigger role, but only if I promised to give him BI- which of course I wasn’t prepared to do.

We know that much of the series saw you looking for a HARD GAY partner- why didn’t you give in to BI more easily?

I did have BI a couple of times over the course of the series, but it always seemed to end in disaster. In the end, I think it’s best to stick to your principles; even if it means you have to go without in the short term, it’s better in the long run.

How can you justify the ridiculousness of the series finale?

Soutetsu was always one to leave turning in the next episode’s script until the last minute, and in the end I think he was just casting about for ideas that would fill a few pages, regardless of how much sense they made. I just showed up and played the part I was given to get paid- you’ll have to talk to Soutetsu if you want to know more.

What are your plans now that you’ve set sail for Europe?

To get as much HARD GAY as possible, of course- and maybe star in another historical series if I can.

And finally, what do you think of plans to create IrohaWarriors and Iroha Tactics games in RPG Maker?

I’m in favour of it, although I hope I get a decent role.

This Week in Anime

Bank of Scotland becomes moneylender of choice for the modern anime character.

Domino’s Pizza launches counterattack against Pizza Hut.

How about a lovely cup of tea?

Apples make their move against humanity.

Persimmons patiently await their turn in the spotlight.

Anime World Tour: Angelic Layer/Chobits

Welcome to the world of Angelic Layer, the near future with a twist. Buy your own angel and accessories and compete in Angelic Layer tournaments, then let your imagination set the limits as you telepathically control in a fight for victory! Feel the intense pride and honour of beating 4-11 year olds at a children’s game! You know you want to!

Alternatively, travel a little further into the future to avoid the Angelic Layer craze and pick up on even more advanced technology in the form of the persocom. She looks like a girl, but she’s packed with high end operating systems- you’ll never have to choose between laptops and women again!

OST spotlight: Victorian Romance Emma Second Act- Memories

If you liked the first Emma OST, then this one is a must, offering as it does more of the same. With its range of melodic piano and beautiful folk and Celtic style themes, Emma is always easy on the ears, and even the tendency to remix the main themes cannot detract from its quality.

Memorable tracks: Silhouette of a Breeze (Celtic version), Curiosity, Rondo of Lilybell (Harpsichord version), Molders, Rondo of Lilybell

Mini-editorial: Are paid for download services ever going to catch on?

Services such as iTunes may have revolutionised the legal music downloading scene, but when it comes to anime, can it do the same? Will we one day eschew the humble DVD and its successors for hard drives filled with anime, all obtained legitimately- or is that just never going to happen?

For the more hardcore of anime fans, the prospect of paying to download must surely jar with the knowledge that if they look hard enough, they can probably get much the same thing for free, and probably several months earlier at that. Aside from those motivated by conscience, curiosity, or fans who remain blissfully unaware of the shadier side of “acquisition”, there may well be little genuine, long-term interest in such services.

Even those of us who are willing and able to buy legitimate copies of our favourite series may simply not be satisfied with just having copies of the file sitting on our computers. If you’re going to hand over money, there’s a desire to be given something tangible in return, which is where DVDs come in. Even now, I prefer to have an actual CD than a mere downloaded album, and the same goes for DVDs- if I’m paying for it, I want something I can hold in my hand, preferably with some nice cover art and an insert booklet to go with it. Yes, there are issues of storage once the collection gets too massive, but that’s something that can be dealt with one way or another.

Harem of the week: Isurugi (801 TTS Airbats)

His secret shame was that he was an otaku, but when he got transferred to an all-girl squadron, none of the lovely ladies seemed to care.

Harem

Miyuki Haneda: One of the two main rivals, tries to act like a demure lead girl but can easily roused to argue or compete with Mitaka.

Arisa Mitaka: The hot-head and second of the two main rivals, not afraid to say her piece.

Yoko: The young and slightly eccentric one.

Sakura: The older woman and calmest of the group.

Fashion Police: Maru

Apologies for the small, low-resolution picture, but give the state of Maru’s dress, the Fashion Police simply could not spend any more time looking for better photographic evidence of his crimes. A prince of a distant land who somehow ends up living in a forest, Maru may own the opposition when it comes to his archery skills, but his dress leaves a lot to be desired. Aside from the fact that he is effectively half-naked, the baggy shorts are most unflattering, and the mask he occasionally wears should have been throw away when Halloween was over. The item bags aren’t exactly high fashion either, but at least it explains where he puts his items, a change from most RPG characters.

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

bishounen troll: beauty and the beast in one package

ＡＺＵＲＥ Coherent: A coherent wave of azure light.

final fantasy 7 yuffie materia annoying: Isn’t it just?

gender bender doujin: Always with the doujins.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms Oil Painti: You can’t move for oil paintings on this blog.

saiga rifle performance: His rifle performance is pretty solid.

“keep me hanging on” cicada: Cicadas can now be trained to chirp out songs.

final fantasy 7 hi res npc: high resolution NPCs? Shouldn’t you be more concerned with the main characters first?

mai otome yuri scene: “Shizuru bent down and lightly nipped Natsuki’s ear. ‘Stop working already,’ she huskily whispered into her lover’s ear, ‘and come and show me a good time, hot stuff.’”

novastorm historical setting: Join the Novastorm blog as it goes back in time on an exciting adventure!

spiky character Shonen Onmyoji red hair: Suzaku?

Rumble fight hacks: er, yes…

jouya kanou: ???

gay azure: Azure is a colour, I don’t know if it can be gay. “Sorry, red, but I’m attracted to other shades of blue.”

gay chibi: There are chibis for everything.

BeyBlade Friendship between Tokyo &: There is no Tokyo! Only America.

mai otome doujins: I’m only interested in the fat cat ones.

ANIME GAY TV: A whole channel devoted to HARD GAY.

lesbian yuri: What other kind of yuri is there?

beyblades season 3 kai: You write one article about Beyblade, and suddenly everyone thinks you’re an expert on it.

what busou renkin character are you?: Generic Bystander #3.

spoiler for episode 26 of vampire prince: If you mean Vampire Princess Miyu, then [XXXX] turns out to be the villain.

The lesson we must learn from this week is not to write Tuesday Rumble at the very last minute- but would you have noticed if I hadn”t mentioned it?

A guide to WOOD

Whilst the better characters take down the enemy soldiers, Hakuoro prepares himself for battle with that deadliest of foes- inanimate WOOD.

Ever since it made its debut appearance in Utawarerumono, WOOD (as opposed to plain old wood) has proven itself of a silent yet undeniable importance in the worlds of anime and gaming. Here’s a brief guide to its uses and appearances.

• In SRPGs, obstacles made of WOOD often appear, and have a variety of uses, from blocking the progress of your units to acting as equippable items. As much as it can be a deadly foe, WOOD can also be a powerful ally- for example, in Phantom Brave one can do damage in the hundreds with merely a wooden crate equipped.
• WOOD’s presence in anime tends to be more silent and unobtrusive, but even so it seems to provoke the ire of certain characters. SaiMono’s Soujun detested WOOD after he realised it was more erudite and attractive than he was, and often smashed tables and chairs for no reason. Other characters will often smash wooden objects in the heat of the moment.
• WOOD takes on especial importance in the world of Harvest Moon, where Anton must learn to chop it with his axe- out of need rather than any personal grudge. Similarly, RTS games such as Warcraft rely on units chopping WOOD for lumber.
• In fantasy worlds such as that of FFIX, advanced technology is not permitted- unless of course it is made of WOOD. Even airships can be made of it.

Parodying SaiMono Fanfiction

• Ryuuki stared out at the practice field with undisguised lust. Seien ani-ue had been the first one to enter his lonely life to show him that Pleasure could be gentle, and now that they had found each other again, he longed to pick up where they had left off. Drinking in his brother’s rippling muscles, the Emperor found his gaze drawn inevitably downwards, and felt a thrill of pleasure when he imagined being impaled on Seiran’s mighty Sword.
• “Ouch!”exclaimed Seiran as Ensei got out his weapon. “Your Staff is far too long to be waving it around like that!”

“I’m sorry,” replied Ensei, “but it’s been so long since we were last alone like this- you can’t blame me for not being able to control myself.”

• Staring down at his naked body, Eigetsu tried to console himself. “The situation isn’t so bad that I’ve had to resort to Hyper Self Pleasure, it really isn’t. I’m just satisfying Yougetsu’s desires, that’s all.”
• Reishin had waited so long for this day- in fact, it was the only reason he had taken the boy in in the first place. He had carefully supervised Kouyuu’s growth and development, ensuring that the young man never grew too interested in women; in fact, he was utterly delighted that Kouyuu seemed to actively dislike them. And now the time had come for all his hard work to pay off. “Draw your Sword, boy,” he commanded his adoptive son, “and we’ll see how much of a man you are.”

Shining Tears X Wind 4

If only the weather was so easily controlled in this world.

Wait a minute- wasn’t this a fantasy world?

“You may know it as technology, but demonic alchemy sounds more evil.”

From out of nowhere, a laser cannon appears.

Quite. Now can the series end, please?

There’s always a Lord of Chaos causing trouble somewhere.

Commence Souma’s Question Time!

Next episode: some Elf on Elf action.

Random Thoughts: Anna

This week, we catch up with Anna from Chevalier!

Anna, was it ever hard being the fiancée of a man who was so obviously HARD GAY?

Sorry, could you repeat the question? I thought I heard you say that d’Eon was HARD GAY, which can’t possibly be true.

Oh, sorry, my mistake. Well then, how did you feel when d’Eon and the others left you in France with barely any screen time?

Well, I had to come up with reasons for screen time, like writing letters to him and making sure to be in the background of any plot-related scenes back in France. It wasn’t ideal, but I did the best I could; I just don’t understand why d’Eon never wrote back to me.

I hope you don’t mind my bringing up painful memories, but why didn’t you run from Louis when he was slowly walking towards you with his sword in hand?

I was going to run away, but the director called me to say my contract with the show was up, and I was just so shocked that I couldn’t move.

And finally, what happened to your plans for a spin-off show with the Dauphin?

Oh, that’s still in the works, but Broglie seems to be delaying the process for some reason.

This Week in Anime

Shameless advertising in El-Cazador as the Noir and Madlax buildings are spotted (offering female Sword and Coca-Cola respectively).

“These fruits are just trying to live!”

“My magic CCTV setup is ranked among the best in the world!”

conference between grapes and lemons (as mediated by an apple) is rudely interrupted.

Oranges arrive in SaiMono land.

Anime Awards

Slowest subbed anime of the era goes to Love GetChu, for being behind series subbed this year.

Most sitting and talking of the week goes to Seirei no Moribito, as it continues to keep exposition as its stock in trade.

HARD YURI corner: Kaleido Star

When Sora Naegino joins the Kaleido Stage, she quickly learns the ways of American HARD YURI. Whilst contenting herself with partners Mia and Anna, Sora lusts after star Layla Hamilton, and after a great effort, manages to gain her recognition, tearing her away from a STRAIGHT relationship with Yuri Killian. Sora and Layla enjoy a brief yet pleasurable partnership before Layla injures herself in the bedroom, forcing her to retire from HARD YURI.

Whilst searching for a new partner, Sora once again makes do with her friends, as well as child prodigy Rosetta. Will she find happiness with a new HARD YURI partner, or has the time come to go STRAIGHT? Find out when New Wings makes it into HARD YURI corner.

OST spotlight: Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto OST 2

A series second OST always has a hard job in following the first, but Iroha does a good job, offering a solid soundtrack that pretty much equals the first. With its period flavour and mix of atmospheric action tracks and slower pieces, Iroha continues to evoke the best of other soundtracks such as the Uta game and SaiMono, whilst standing above both those examples. There’s still the obligatory remix of the main theme, but if you enjoyed the first OST, the second is required listening.\r\n

Notable tracks: Kumikyoku Irohanihoheto ~Soutetsu~Youjirou~Kakunojou, Kouya Ruten TV Size, Yami no Kodou, Tsurugi no Sadame, Houkai

Mini-editorial: No room for B and C titles?

A couple of weeks ago, ADV told us there was no room financially to license B and C grade anime titles, a fact I made fun of on Sunday when we learned that they had licensed Xenosaga. Whilst it is obvious that no company would want to license something they would most likely make a loss on, the irony of ADV saying this is laughable at best. What kind of person considers Samurai Gun, Yugo the Negotiator, Coyote Ragtime Show, Gokujou Seitokai and Xenosaga A grade titles? Pumpkin Scissors and Red Garden at least have the name Gonzo behind them, regardless of their actual quality, but can ADV really be said to be harvesting the cream of the crop? Yes, they are putting out some very good titles, such as PPD, Chevalier, Kurau (which I would consider A-grade, but was treated poorly in terms of waiting three years after licensing to get released) and now Air, but it seems clear that despite what they say, ADV have far from learned their lesson about not licensing any old crap. Then again, what can we expect from the instigators of the Hurai Suzumiya incident?

Harem of the week: Daisuke Niwa (DNAngel)

As if periodically turning into a Phantom Thief after his fourteenth birthday wasn’t enough, Daisuke just didn’t seem to know which girl to choose- and it didn’t help that there was a boy after his affections too.

Harem

Riku Harada: The quiet and stoic one- comes from behind to steal our hero’s heart.

Mio Hio: The annoying and flamboyant one with a tendency to slip into Engrish; an artificially created life form whose feelings for Daisuke enable her to perform a bit of dues ex machine at the end.

Towa: The Eternal Guide and (much) older woman, becomes the Niwa family’s maid and also seems interested in Daisuke’s grandfather.

Risa Harada: The initial lead girl, usually quite shallow and selfish.

Satoshi Hiwatari: He may be male, but he seems to have an interest in staying close to Daisuke.

Rivals

Dark: The Phantom Thief who resides in Daisuke’s body, plays with Risa’s affections.

Krad: Dark’s nemesis, not so much interested in girls as just causing trouble.

Takeshi Saehara: Daisuke’s friend and classmate; quickly gets a crush on Mio.

Fashion Police: Darc

This week the Fashion Police have started their cleanup of the Arc: Twilight of the Spirits world, beginning with the half-human, half-Deimos anti-hero Darc. Not blessed with the best of looks to begin with thanks to his mixed heritage, choosing a questionable mixture of sandals, armour that protects the chest even as it leaves the abdomen exposed, and some sort of scarf/beach towel combination that passes as a kilt. The poor guy did try to redeem himself with wings in the first chapter of the game, but sadly they got ripped off.

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: hard yaoi, yaoi episode hard, you toube sex gay, ship videos you toube

badass manly anime review marimite: MariMite, a show truly overflowing with testosterone.

hige nipples: Hige, someone’s after your nipples.

“amigo tacos” nadie: See the power of advertising- now everyone wants a taste of Taco Taco Tacos, Oishii Tacos.

underage lovers: keep your tastes to yourself.

“Yu Gi Oh”+card+appraisals+current: Yep, that’s me, a veritable fountain of up to the minute Yu-Gi-Oh information.

Lost episode 24 ending theme: Wait, shouldn’t you at least have gone to my other blog? Not that it has music information.

flamed tops boys were: don’t kept me in suspense!

Harvest moon – How do you pick up the di: Diaper? Diamond? Diplodocus?

magical gril lyrical: Coming soon, Magical Grill George Foreman!

flame work maker/ Flame word maker: Eh?

bishie deck the halls: Deck the halls with A-rank bishies, lalalala lala lala.

dark days anime: Those were dark days, almost chaotic, one might say.

+school rumble +yuri: Ah yes, that simmering attraction between Mai and Sarah.

anime cleaners: An exciting tale of cleaners, told across 26 episodes. Will they scrub the toilet first, or leave that task until later?

anime year ago: We have regular years, and anime years.

fate stay night h-scene sound: You sick pervert, you just want to hear Rin moan, don’t you?

.hack//gu Yuri: Come on, surely there are better places to look for yuri.

how to pleasure a gay lover: He likes it from behind.

rotk hentai: “Yes, your Liang is certainly Zhuge,” whispered a pleased Liu Bei…

self-pleasure art: I may have started drawing again, but not that.

On another note, I once signed up to Facebook under a fake name to look at some photos, yet people have actually been sending pokes and friend requests to that account. Does this mean that Burtholomew Ffaffington-Smythe is now a little bit more real than he used to be?

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto: Chess Piece Spin-off
If, like me, you feel that the English chess piece group needed more attention, then you’ll be happy to learn of this special spin-off series that follows their adventures. Join Queen, Knight, Rook and Bishop as they complete secret assignment on behalf of tea-drinking England- missions filled with intrigue, action and the historical setting you’ve come to know and love. Better yet, the first DVD comes with a bonus disc featuring the doujin game “IrohaWarriors”. Don’t miss it!

Build-A-Generic Workshop
Readers may be familiar with the toy store “Build A Bear Workshop”, a place where you choose your plushie, have it stuffed, name it and select clothes for it. Now, this basic concept has been extended to Build-A-Generic Workshop, a similar store that lets one order squads of generics for any occasion! From medieval soldiers to modern day city crowds, Build-A-Generic Workshop can satisfy any and all demands for generics! Here’s how the generic building process works:

1. Choose them: choose the gender and build of your generics.

2. Voice them: an optional step in which a limited amount of dialogue can be selected for the generics.

3. Dress them: choose clothing for your generics, based on what era they will be needed for.

4. Style them: select a hairstyle for your generics- Bakumatsu/Meiji era wigs are not recommended.

5. Program them: program simple looping movement sequences into the generics if necessary.

6. Deploy them: have the generics dropped into the scenes where they will be needed.

An Introduction to Shining Tears X Wind
Welcome to Shining Tears X Wind, a world so nonsensical that catgirls can appear out of nowhere and girls can pull swords out of their chests just because the hero needs a weapon. Here’s a brief overview of the wonders the first two episodes offered us, in no particular order (and excluding the dull school scenes for fear of readers dying of sheer boredom).

You know a series is going to be bad when the main character starts having an erotic scene with an ugly generic.

Oh no, the evil elves! This is about as original as Eragon.

“Excuse me, but is that a monster wang?”

“My name…is Tabby.”

“Don’t you recognise me? I’m Haseo.”

“Ever since Roots, I’ve had an insatiable desire for BI sessions with generic monsters.”

“In this land we have both Generic and HORSE.”

I think it’s fairly obvious from the episode name that this is a HARD GAY series.

Even the anime itself is amazed that anyone would watch more than one episode of this crap.

Coming soon: Man X Man.

Haseo practises his Fei Wong ‘Sword in a Hole’ Technique.

Yep, this is definitely a .hack rip-off.

Heroine’s default pose in Moping Status: battle strength 0, defence 0.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a good ‘Damn you’.

“Of course, as a Lord of Darkness, she must try again…and again…and again…”

Actually, that’s just a bowl of sake.

This Week in Anime

Apple gets peeled in Guyver.

Tomato makes rare appearance to combat overuse of apples.

The man from Del Monte reminds us all to eat five a day.

“Here’s how we turn a tomato into juice.”

“I crush the tomatoes, and they sluice down into vats.”

Anime Awards: Retooled and Revived Yet Again

Most incredible hair of the week goes to Juliet of Romeo X Juliet, who has masses of hair but somehow tucks it all away into some kind of no-space when she dresses as a boy.

New Crossover: What floats in the air above Aria’s Neo-Venezia? Could it perhaps be the aerial city, Neo Verona? With their Italian names and futuristic settings, it may well be that Romeo X Juliet and Aria are part of the same world, and that RxJ takes place in Aqua’s skies.

Anime of the Month: Whilst SaiMono takes the award once again for ongoing series, the backlog presents a winner in the form of Fafner, a series that whilst not exactly perfect, is still oddly addictive and enjoyable.

Manga of the Month: Gunslinger Girl picks up the prize for its absorbing fifth volume, but CLAMP classic Tokyo Babylon is also worthy of an honourable mention in this category.

Special- Spring Season Early Awards

The ‘I don’t remember this happening in the original play’ award for Most Creative Adaptation goes to Romeo X Juliet for putting an almost unrecognisable spin on Shakespeare’s play, but still proving enjoyable in the process.

The Gone Already Award for Fastest Dropped Series is shared jointly between the dull Hitohira and the awful Shining Tears X Wind.

The New Lows Award for Potentially Worst Anime Ever: Another award for Shining Tears X Wind, which in principle may be better than Disgaea and Hime-sama Goyoujin, but is still entirely unappealing.

The ‘Looks Promising’ Award for a Good Gonzo Adaptation: It may be too early to hand out an award like this, but for now Bokurano is holding its own.

The ‘I want it all on DVD now!’ Award for Incredible Quality from the Start goes to Darker than Black for weaving a surprisingly worthy story from the outset (and including its own darker than black cat), although of course I have long wanted all of SaiMono to be with me right now.

The ‘Breaking the Curse’ Award for an Excellent Second Season goes to SaiMono for thus far maintaining the quality that made me love the first season so much.

The ‘Upholding the Curse’ Award for a Lacklustre Third Season goes to Nanoha StrikerS for taking a formula that offered well animated light entertainment and turning it into a dull procession of insipid new characters and HARD YURI undertones.

The Sumptious Visuals Award for Quality of Setting goes to Seirei no Moribito for its beautiful settings and backdrops that almost make the story a mere extra.

The Zhuge Liang Award for most HARD GAY series should probably go to Winter Cicada since it is an actual yaoi OVA, but somehow seems more fitting for Koutetsu Sangokushi.

The Azure Flame Award for Best Parody Candidate is shared between Seirei no Moribito, El Cazador de la Bruja, Winter Cicada and Koutetsu Sangokushi.

The Bee Train Hates Action Award for most Dull Girls With Guns series is awarded to El Cazador de la Bruja for so far making every twenty minute episode feel like a laborious twenty-five hours in length.

The ‘Not Bad’ Award for most Inoffensively Average Series goes to Heroic Age, which will hopefully improve and not make me curse the time wasted watching it later on.

The ‘I know I said I would but I can’t be bothered’ Award for series I just can’t bring myself to watch must go to sola, which Hinano almost persuaded me to parody until I faced up to how boring it was going to be.

The Slow Burner Award for Most Hopeful Looking series goes to Claymore, which hasn’t had an excellent start but if manga fans are to be believed, will improve later (and yes, right now I believe them).

HARD GAY corner: Record of Lodoss War OVA
Parn always loved HARD GAY, but with his father long gone, it was only when he discovered his destiny as a Sword-wielding warrior that he learned its true possibilities. Whilst the Staff and Axe of his companions was satisfactory, however, Parn’s true love lay with King Kashue, and despite Deedlit the elf’s attempts to turn him STRAIGHT (a duty of elves in this world), his crush on Kashue was too great to be ignored.

Fortunately, the couple was able to consummate their relationship when Kashue taught him the ways of Sword, but Parn’s appetite for HARD GAY only continued to increase, leading him to challenge Ashram, the most HARD GAY man in the land. Ashram too had a female elf who wanted him to turn STRAIGHT, but by ignoring her, he was able to have mighty Sword with Parn before being consumed by a RAGING HARD-ON.

Parn was not the only man to seek HARD GAY in this world, however, with the legendary kings Beld and Fahn know as long time partners with opposing Swords whose power increased in each others presence. Unfortunately, their final HARD GAY was fatal to Fahn, and Beld himself died shortly after.

OST spotlight: Madlax OST 2
Those familiar with Yuki Kajiura’s work will recognise all the themes on this OST, which combines strains of her work on Madlax CD1 with the likes of Noir and .hack. That being said, if you can get past the degree of remix, this is actually quite a worthy compilation of tracks, featuring energetic restylings of Madlax’s key themes, and quietly poignant piano pieces.

Notable tracks: We are One, Open Your Box, Fall on You, Saints, People are People, She’s Gotta Go, Madlax

Licensing Reactions

• Zero no Tsukaima (Geneon): Even the original novel isn’t really good enough for me to want to buy it, and the anime is that much worse. After two episodes of fanservice and tiresome characters, I put this aside for good.
• Innocent Venus (ADV): Another series that didn’t last long in the viewing stakes, Innocent Venus seemed like it might be promising, but turned out to be a bland rip-off of other series that was so dull that I could barely concentrate on what was happening. All hope of worth vanished when the irritating pirate characters showed up.
• Kiba: Apparently this gets better later on, but when Zed’s generic light entertainment story proved better than Noah’s angst, it didn’t seem destined to have long term appeal.

Mini-editorial: How is the next generation of recordable media going to affect anime collectors?
With Gunbuster 2 carrying a higher price tag thanks to Bandai Visual’s attempts to erase the pricing gap between Japanese and American anime DVDs in preparation for the day when the two countries are in the same region, it’s time to start thinking about the future of buying anime. Are the lives of importers looking for the cheapest deal or the fastest release going to be greatly restricted by rising costs and region limitations? Will the situation backfire if anime becomes so unattractively expensive that everyone decides to just download everything they want? Is anyone actually all that concerned about starting to collect anime on Blu-ray or HD-DVD yet? I know that personally, DVD is good enough for me at the moment, and I see no need to wade into the next generation format wars and spend money on something that will be cheaper and offer more variety a few years down the line.

Harem of the week: Seina Yamada (Tenchi Muyo GXP)
He may have had the worst luck in the galaxy, but his ability at attracting women was surprisingly phenomenal. Unlike other harem leads, he didn’t even have to choose which girl to end up with, as he got them all.

Harem

Amane Kaunaq: The seductive older woman with large breast and a forward personality.

Kiriko Masaki: The childhood friend and strait-laced girl, natural foil to Amane.

Ryoko Balta/Erma: Tough space pirate with a soft spot for Seina, she also diguises herself as the Wau Erma in order to get more screen time.

Neju: The priestess with the body of a loli despite her seniority in years.

Fuku: A cabbit who will be able to turn into a humanoid girl when she grows up- fills in the furry contingent.

Other girls: Four spies from an alien federation who posed as Seto’s ladies in waiting and ended up marrying Seina in order to bulk out the numbers.

Rivals

Seiryo Tennan: Harbours a hatred towards humans since his defeat at the hands of Tenchi in the OVA, and considers Seina his rival and nemesis.

Fashion Police: Pai

Although her Roots form is worse, this game art is the best picture I have of Pai and so I’ll have to work from it instead. As I said in a Roots rant a while back, Pai might not seem too bad at first glance, but take a closer look and the flaws become apparent. Even discounting the bizarre style of the big hair, Pai remains too scantily clad for her own good, whilst oddly shaped accessories like the pouches on her legs simply defy reason or explanation. She wins a few points for her ‘sexy meganekko’ upper body, but promptly loses them again when we turn to Roots and discovers that she looks like a man in drag under Bee Train’s ministrations.

Fashion sense: D- (game), E (anime)

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: Hack Perfect Audition, you toube sex, bouncing breasts, “A Three” doujin

anime swap bodies episode: Murder Princess, or one of the other ‘hilarious’ examples of this (so hilarious, in fact, that I cannot recall them right now)?

What do you think Light Yagami is suffer: A lack of a sense of humour.

Utawarerumono H-game?: Yes, it is.

trio lesbian: The shy meganekko, the angsty girl and the dominant girl.

weed season 3 coming?: Maybe you should wait for season 2 first.

rpg bouncing breasts: Fear my attack- Boob of Death!

yuri bondage: the yuri fangirls are out in force this week.

Harvest Moon how to cook animals: Poor cows, sheep and chickens! Sorry, but as a game marketed at the younger audience you can’t just push your animals into the refrigerator.

rmxp gundam seed sprites: I did say something about making sprites on request, didn’t I? But that’s only for people who comment.

tokiko nude buso renkin: Beats Papillon nude, I guess.

reading rumble: Is this a printed version of Tuesday Rumble? Or some sort of battle where participants beat each other over the heads with books?

is azure kite gay: Excuse me whilst I actually laugh out loud.

harvest moon magical moments egg festiva: Ah, those magical moments…wait, my game doesn’t have an egg festival.

yuri rape: oh dear, they’re getting more perverted.

mosters niples: if you’re going to search for something like that, at least learn how to spell.

gay yaoi: Wouldn’t STRAIGHT yaoi be something of a contradiction?

There seemed to be altogether too much anime to watch this week, but somehow I made it through it all- with the exception of Koutetsu 2, which needs to be given full parody treatment.

Reviewed this week: Iroha 20-22, Cazador 2, Chevalier 19-20, Claymore 3, Darker than Black 2, Heroic Age 2-3, Nanoha StrikerS 2, Romeo X Juliet 2, SaiMono II 2, Shining Tears 1-2, Winter Cicada 2

…and in manga: School Rumble 221, Tsubasa 150

ANIME

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto 20-22: After the promised improvement, we have a rather dull episode of Iroha, which has Gold worth in parody, but only minor merit for serious viewing. Featuring the obligatory one-shot characters that exist only to rescue Akidzuki, question his purpose and ultimately see him on the right path for the final arc, episode 20 is tiresome in its mediocrity, and even Enomoto and Hijikata’s re-enactment of Hu Lao Gate cannot save it.

Unfortunately, episode 21 continues the trend of dullness, offering what is little more than a procession of minor historical characters discussing where the plot should go next. Eventually, episode 22 enables us to move onto the next phase of the series, which discards the monotony for the first hints of the over-the-top theatrics that will permeate the final episodes. At this stage, I have to admit that I don’t know what to make of Iroha overall- the series has changed in tone and content quite a lot from the early days, and I can’t say that I’m watching it for its current merit as much as the promise it once held.

El Cazador de la Bruja 2: If episode one of Cazador seemed vaguely promising, then episode two has lost all promise in favour of a dull twenty-five minutes that feels more like three hours. Having broken down in the middle of nowhere, our heroines stop off in a conveniently placed diner run by a former bounty hunter who quit her profession when it caused her daughter to leave her. Perhaps we should care, but since I have an aversion to dingy desert diners whenever they appear on television, I just wanted the whole to be over, and eventually it was.

Le Chevalier d’Eon 19-20: For once, knowing exactly what was coming and having to write a parody at the same time did not affect my love of Chevalier, with these two episodes offering the excellence that the series has so often proved capable of. First up, episode nineteen sees Durand attempt to set some machinations in progress, only for him to fall prey to a rather unpleasant end; afterwards, episode twenty wraps up all the loose ends in the England arc (arguably a little too conveniently, but we are getting low on time here), before sending our heroes back to France for fresh machinations and betrayals. It’s times like this that I just wish Chevalier was longer- imagine where it could have gone with some additional arcs.

Claymore 3: Claymore graduates from monster of the week to monster of the fortnight in this episode, when a Yoma attacks the Holy City. Unsurprisingly, non-human beings like Claymores are strictly not allowed to enter such a city, so veen though Clare has been hired by priests, she has to sneak in undercover by taking special pills that temporarily suppress her abilities. It’s a pretty standard story as this sort of thing goes, but nonetheless it remains entertaining in its own way- although the desire to get rid of Raki remains strong.

Darker than Black 2: As the first two-part story comes to an end, Darker than Black shows no sign of losing the quality that characterised the first episode, with an intriguing tale that skilfully weaves action and exposition to such an extent that even the dropping of a plate is somehow absorbing. As our lead goes on the run with his neighbour, pursuit from all sides heats up, but who will win in a battle of Contractors?

Rising food prices force one man to start eating flowers.

Heroic Age 2-3: For some reason, I felt a strong aversion towards watching the next two episodes of Heroic Age, so when the time came to actually tackle them, they weren’t as bad as I had built them up in my mind to be. Whilst the lead remains an irritatingly inferior version of the dislikeable Apollo from Aquarion, and I couldn’t really care less about the various tribes, these two episodes are somehow inoffensive, neither particularly engaging the interest nor causing time to drag. I’m content to keep watching for now, although it’s anyone’s guess how long my interest will last. Oh, and if you’re wondering why I haven’t said anything about the plot, it’s because there hasn’t been one so far- hopefully this will change soon.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS 2: Where the first episode at least pacified me a little with its action, this second episode seems to exemplify just why Nanoha shouldn’t attempt a 26 episode run. Even though we get some needed glimpses of Vita et al, the new girls are still taking up too much screen time, and in a predominantly exposition focused episode, it just doesn’t fly. Let’s have some ridiculously overpowered magical battles, not ridiculously dull waves of generic new characters.

Romeo X Juliet 2: Our star-crossed lovers return for another episode of aerial cities and flying horses (I’m quite taken with those horses, so I’m going to keep going on about them). Juliet has reached her sixteenth birthday, which means she can stop dressing a boy and find out about her Capulet heritage, not to mention start becoming infatuated with Romeo. I’m trying to divorce this in my mind from the original play, which helps to make it quite watchable and enjoyable in terms of light entertainment, although like some other entries from this season, it is currently uncertain how long I’ll continue to want to watch them.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II 2: Whilst Shuurei does her best to get the plan for Sa Province approved by the necessary people, Kouyuu is unsuccessfully trying to adjust to the idea that she might end up becoming his wife; meanwhile, back in Sa Province, Eigetsu reflects on his past and the mentor who helped him become the man he is today. Whilst it is good in principle to get some back story on Eigetsu, I have to admit that it wasn’t the most gripping part of the episode since I’m far more interested in the Kouyuu/Shuurei marriage situation. Shuurei has already admitted that there things she won’t give up for love, but nor does she seem like the sort of person who would accept marriage for purely political reasons, so how will the situation pan out? If she does get married at this point, will it jeopardise her credibility, with the general opinion being that she ‘played’ at being a government official before settling down and doing what all good women should do in getting a man? Meanwhile, the white bishounen has been revealed to be the head of the Hyou clan, Hyou Riou; it will be interesting to see his role in the story, especially as this clan is noted for having special powers.

*NEW/DROPPED* Shining Tears X Wind 1-2: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new candidate for Worst Anime Ever! Well, okay, I can think of a couple of series that seemed worse at the time, but with the passage of time having taken the sting out of their memory. A dire fantasy romp that makes Eragon look original, ST sees students who resemble Haseo and Mahiro meet up with a girl who looks like Tabby and then go to a fantasy world of randomness, furries and swords. For no reason whatsoever, ‘Mahiro’ pulls a sword out of herself for ‘Haseo’ to fight the enemies with, before they go to a kingdom of talking animals and end up fighting an elf army that their friends just happen to have joined. Perhaps it was wrong to watch an anime just to see how bad an adaptation could be made of the so-called ‘worst RPG ever’, and with the character designs looking much less appealing than they did in the promo artwork, this must be put in the Recycle Bin forever.

Winter Cicada 2: When I started this OVA, I took the yaoi warnings a little too lightly, thinking it would just be angst and kissing level- only in this episode was I to discover that there was an actual sex scene involved. Even seeing our heroes getting hot and heavy over each other (assuming you like that sort of thing, which I can’t say I do) cannot save this episode from the monotony that has now gripped it. Why did I even start watching this series?

MANGA

*DROPPED* School Rumble 221: Farewell, School Rumble, I no longer know or care what happens in you. For those who are interested, however, this chapter sees Hanai prepare to give a speech prior to the student council elections, but after Mikoto gives him the confidence he needs with a stone striker, she manages to light Tougou’s poster on fire, thus delaying the speeches anyway. Everyone must know of my growing dissatisfaction with SR by now, and although I tried to struggle on, why bother?

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 150: Following her stabbing, Sakura’s body and soul have separated, with her body going to Ceres, and her soul ending up in a tube owned by Yuuko. Apparently, this is all part of Sakura’s attempt to change the future and save her friends, a move that smacks of X/1999 but without the benefit of originality.

Anything in red probably won’t be touched, blue will be watched for at least a few weeks, and black is indifferent/undecided. Edit: the blue got messed up when I pasted from Word so it may not be entirely correct.

• Keitai Shoujo: Five girls, one average 17 year old high school student, a mission to get a girlfriend…haven’t we been here before? It sounds like the most contrived harem ever.
• Doujin Work: It’s based on a 4-koma comedy about a girl who starts drawing doujins, so it could either be amusing in an Azumanga-esque way, or more likely, completely dull and random.
• Burst Angel OVA: I’d like to forget that I ever watched Burst Angel, but a small particle of curiosity suggests that I might like to watch this OVA. At least Meg isn’t exposing as much flesh this time, although her fashion sense is still questionable.
• Hitohira: A shy girl who gets so nervous that she can’t even speak gets recruited into the drama club- I get the feeling it’s going to be a painful procession of the main character messing up, angsting about it and occasionally getting it right when the plot allows. My ‘pain sense’ indicates that this will be about as enjoyable as a Tsuyokiss and Gokujou Seitokai marathon.
• Murder Princess: It’s a Bee Train OVA, and I should know better by now, but it won’t be the first time I’ve watched something just because I liked the promo artwork. Apparently a bounty hunter ends up in the body of a princess and takes over her role, which probably means the whole thing is just stills of her sitting in the castle.
• Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann: It has mecha, cheerfully generic looking characters, and since it’s from Gainax, there’ll probably be some blatant advertising references to Evangelion as well. I may watch the first episode out of curiosity, but I don’t see my relationship with this show being a lengthy one.
• Hayate the Combat Butler: A boy gets sold to the yakuza, and then becomes a butler; I can’t say it interests me in itself, but when a title gets mentioned a lot prior to its release I tend to end up checking it out just to see what all the fuss is about.
• Gegege no Kitaro: A remake/continuation of a series that started 14 years before I was born…I don’t think I’ll bother.
• Seto no Hanayome: Man is forced to marry mermaid, his family tries to break up the relationship whilst remaining unaware that she even is a mermaid…even if they aren’t really alike, I can’t help thinking of Urusei Yatsura, and even that vague hint of similarity is enough to keep me away.
• Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS: The lolis are all grown up, but they’re back for another 26 episodes- if it’s anything like its predecessors or that dull manga that came out a while back, the story won’t be much to write home about, but somehow when the animation is this good, I don’t mind.
• Heroic Age: An age of heroes that look an awful lot like every other hero designed by Hisashi Hirai, with Eiji “KirAthruShinn” as the Destined Lead. It just sounds too generic too be worthy.
• Touka Gettan: It seems to be a spin-off of an adult OVA from 2001, and that’s about all I know. The artwork looks nice, though.
• El Cazador: It’s Bee Train’s latest girls with guns series, and even after getting burned with Madlax and to a lesser extent Avenger (not to mention the general dullness of Tsubasa season 2 and .hack//Roots), I know I’m going to end up watching it.
• Idol Master Xenoglossia: Take one game in which you turn one of ten girls into an idol, and change the story so that they are now mecha pilots. The fact that it’s produced by Sunrise makes me wary that it’s going to be another Otome/Destiny/Code Geass but I quite like the character designs, and may just be persuaded to watch the first episode.
• Saint Beast – Kouin Jojishi Tenshi Tan: When I first saw all the bishies I thought it was going to be something like Angelique, but it actually looks to be a prequel to a series about good angels fighting evil angels who escaped their seal. I’m guessing it will be all bishies and not much substance.
• Wellber no Monogatari- Sisters of Wellber: A princess stabs her groom in protest at an arranged marriage and goes off to have HARD YURI with her bodyguard. Just reading the synopsis of this made me fall asleep, so I don’t anticipate it being anything special.
• Ohedo Rocket: I’m not entirely sure, but this seems to be about fireworks makers in the Edo era; perhaps it should be applauded for originality, but the character designs look fairly childish and it generally lacks appeal.
• Sakura Taisen- New York: I know it isn’t great, but I have a certain fondness for what I’ve seen of the Sakura Taisen franchise, so I may as well give this OVA a go.
• Kiss Dum- Engage Planet: A destined hero fights against invading aliens and a female scientist finds a mysterious book- it’s like a cut and paste of ideas we’ve seen many times before. Even the character designs seem generic.
• Shining Tears X: I already said that no good can come of RPG adaptations, and apparently Shining Tears has been called the “worst RPG ever”. I must try to resist the lure of those character designs.
• Claymore: Last year I read a review of Claymore, and I have to admit it didn’t sound great- if it’s just going to be girls with swords having HARD YURI I’m not too interested, but if it turns out to be female Berserk, maybe it will be worthy.
• Kono Aozora ni Yakusoku wo: By the looks of it, this eroge adaptation is the season’s answer to YoakeNa, although hopefully not quite as awful as that. Still, I’ve learned my lesson about this kind of light entertainment (for the time being, anyway).
• Shinkyouku Soukai Polyphonica: Based on the title, I thought this was going to be about collecting polyphonic ringtones (gotta download ‘em all) but it actually seems to be a love story set in a world where fairies live on music. I may have to watch the beginning out of curiosity, but it sounds a little too sickly sweet for me.
• OverDrive: All I know is that it’s a sports anime and the lead looks like Kazuki from Busou Renkin, but since I’ve never been a fan of straight-up sports anime, I won’t be starting on this one.
• Romeo X Juliet: It may look like Romeo x Firiel from Good Witch on the promo image, but sheer curiosity drives me to try this anime adaptation of the one Shakespeare play everyone knows inside out. I have to admit that my expectations are not particularly high, however.
• Kishin Taisen Gigantic Formula: Not, as you might imagine, one of New Wang’s signature products, but a series in which teenagers pilot giant robots in a post apocalyptic world in order to establish a new world order. Couldn’t they have found a less clichéd way to do it- even having chickens pecking each other would be more exciting.
• Kotetsushin Jeeg: This appears to be a spin-off of a retro robo series from 1975- shouldn’t the franchise have long been laid to rest by now?
• Nagasarete Airantou: A boy gets stranded on a tropical island with only girls- could this be the ultimate evolution of the harem genre? The character designs alone give an indication of just how many times we’ve seen this set of characters before, and there’s no real need to see them again.
• Koutetsu Sangokushi: I’m almost finished with ROTK, so maybe this should be my next stop for Three Kingdoms related material…only apart from the fact that it has Liu Bei et al in it (dammit ANN, give their Chinese names, I can’t work with the Japanese ones), I have no clue what it’s about.
• Kamichama Karin: I never did get around to reading the manga, but I have the feeling it may be almost unbearably sugary for my tastes- however the character designs look nice, and the cat may be a descendant of Mikoto. Since I periodically have to satisfy odd cravings for this kind of magical girl/romance series, I may have to give it a try.
• Darker than Black – Kuro no Keiyakusha: Hell’s Gate appears, and people gain evil powers- hopefully in the hands of Studio Bones this can be turned into something compelling instead of laughably brooding and angsty.
• Saiunkoku Monogatari series 2:Yes, this has already started airing, and yes, I haven’t even finished the first season yet, but more SaiMono can only be a good thing. If one of my favourites from 2006 can continue for even longer, all the better.
• Lovely Complex: Tall girl and short guy- are just good friends or will they develop into something more? Since I recently got my fix of generic shoujo with Tenshi Nanka Janai, I don’t think I really need to bother with this since it just looks like something along the same lines.
• Furusato Japan: A movie set in a Tokyo elementary school in 1956; I can’t say I’ll ever get round to watching it but it sounds like it might be quite charming in a Whisper of the Heart sort of way.
• Seirei no Moribito: A prince is chosen to guard a magical egg, an older woman becomes his bodyguard to protect him- nothing about the story really screams “watch me” so I’ll probably just let it fade into obscurity.
• Terra E…: A remake of an 1980 series that was itself based on a classic manga, this is classic sci-fi as we all know and love it (or not, as the case may be), complete with powerful computer systems and psychic children. The character designs are a little simplistic for my tastes, but the sci-fi fan in me wants to watch this anyway.
• Blue Dragon: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe this is a game adaptation with character designs by Akira Toriyama- whatever the case, it looks a little too childish for my tastes.
• Kaze no Shoujo Emily: A novel based series about a typical free-spirited girl who ends up living with her strict aunt- why do I get the feeling it’s going to be as painfully predictable as the anime version of Les Miserables?
• Kiddy Grade Ignition: And so the Kiddy Grade movies begin…character designs aside, I didn’t have much in the way of good things to say about the series, so I’ll probably let this one slip by.
• Eikoku Koi Monogatari Emma- Molders Hen: Also known as Victorian Romance Emma Season Two, this is something I’ve been looking forward to ever since I first heard about it. Emma is an excellent series, and provided second season syndrome doesn’t strike, this should be the continuation we’ve all been waiting for.
• sola: Apparently it’s about a boy who likes the sky- and that’s all I know. The character designs seem to have been ripped off from several other series but that in itself is an invitation to watch, for with its undefined plot and Engrish title, it surely has to be laughably bad if nothing else.
• Bokurano: In manga form, Bokurano is one of my favourites, and so I was overjoyed when I heard it was getting an anime- right up until I learned that Gonzo were in charge. I’m fervently praying that they don’t mess up this adaptation, although with the manga still unfinished I can see it diverging at some point anyway.
• Lucky Star: Another 4-koma based series, seemingly based on the little things that make up our day to day lives. Here’s hoping for the next Azumanga.
• Bakugan Battle Brawlers: Here it is, the show we’ve all been waiting for- Bakugan Battle Brawlers! Join generic shounen hero and his friends as they persuade you to buy cheap plastic toys by battling with them! Yes, it’s the spiritual successor to Beyblade and B-Daman, yet a part of me wants to watch and have a good laugh at how hilariously bad it will inevitably turn out to be.
• Kaibutsu Oujo: A demon princess resurrects the main character and the resulting bond means he has to fight monsters on her behalf- I’m not entirely convinced this can bring us anything we haven’t seen before but I may try it out if early impressions are favourable.
• Kaze no Stigma: Could this be the next Shana? Is that even a good thing? The character designs look quite appealing but I sense a generic story lurking behind them.
• Ookiku Furikabutte: Another sports series, this one about a baseball team. I think I can live quite happily without ever touching it.
• Kino no Tabi the Beautiful World Country of Illness -For You: It’s been a while, but at last we’re getting another Kino movie. I’m wholeheartedly looking forward to it.
• Shakugan no Shana Movie: Perhaps this movie will help impart some point to the Balle Masque organisation, but even if it’s just “heroes band together to fight powerful but previously unmentioned evil”, I’ll probably watch it just for the sake of completeness.
• AIKa R-16- Virgin Mission: An OVA about a female salvager, some high school girls…and a pair of large breasts. It looks a lot like the ocean-based version of Stratos 4 (sans fat cat), and so it can probably be passed over without loss.
• Skullman: “Skullman, Skullman, does whatever a Skull can…” Self-indulgence aside, I can’t help but laugh every time I see a picture of Skullman, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to see this, or hoping that it will turn out to be worthy.