Crocheting: the manga

Tuesday Rumble is a piece traditionally inspired by random comments from others, and so today I would like to draw on the words of 0rion from Epic Win’s Kaiji 12-14 post-

“Fukumoto is a frickin’ genius! He could probably make a crocheting contest seem gripping and intense”

With this in mind, there seemed no better time to imagine a world where he had indeed created such a crocheting manga- and so I present to you “Crochet Master Gon”, a tale of daring and betrayal in the world of crochet.

Once the province of grannies and people with nothing better to do, crochet has somehow become popular amongst the yakuza, who take their lace doilies and table cloths very seriously- so much so that they aren’t impressed when twenty-three year old Gon starts muscling in on their territory. With his bold new patterns and designs, Gon threatens to shake the very foundations of the crochet world, forcing the best of the yakuza to challenge him to crochet duels- man on man, needle on needle.

Upcoming arcs include-

• Doily arc: In the village hall, Gon and the yakuza sit in silence creating their lace doilies. The first person to make a sound will be disqualified, but other than that, anything goes- who will give in?
• Lace escape: Gon and his rivals must descend the sheer outer face of a high rise hotel using only crochet stitches to slowly let themselves down. Should Gon make a rope to get down quickly, or will he crochet a hammock to carry an injured friend?
• Ultimate pattern: Gon faces off against a powerful boss who insists that he follows a complicated pattern perfectly- for each mistake, a punishment game must be played.

Look out for this exciting new manga, to be followed by an anime adaptation from Madhouse- you won’t want to miss a second of nail-biting crochet action!

Shion no Ou 11

“Girl-on-girl action with three in a bed? This I gotta see!”

“Don’t worry, all the perverts out there can log onto our premium rate streaming video service.”

Ayumi worries that this HARD YURI Pleasure session will expose his status as a trap.

The pimp awaits his women.

Dragons’ Den: The Harvest Moon Experience
Welcome to a new feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral’s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll of their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

Our latest entrant into the Den is farmer Anton from Grunty Farm, who has already made a name for himself with his successful farming business. Can his latest proposal win over the Dragons?

Anton: Hello, my name is Anton, and I’m here today to advertise the Harvest Moon experience. With this unique opportunity, customers can actually see what it’s like to run their own farm- we give them some seeds and an empty plot of land, and tell them to get started. We’ve already had some high profile customers such as Romeo of Romeo X Juliet, but we’re now looking to take our business to the next level with the aid of your investment.

Mikoto: Why would anyone want to bother with farming? I mean, you have to water all the crops and feed all the animals- and just when you’ve got it all over with and gone to bed, it’s time to get up and do it all again!

Anton: But that’s exactly what people like about it- the feeling of building up something and then tending to it in every stage of its development.

Mikoto: Anton, listen to me- I’ve read your diary and I know how much you hated the monotony too, so I’m out.

Mikoto is out already! Can Anton convince anyone that his idea is worth investing in?

Mr Tibbs: Look, Anton, as a banking sort of cat I like to stay indoors- I really don’t think an outdoor investment is for me, so I’m also out.

Anton: Okay.

Aria: Punyu? [How many people do you think will be interested in this?]

Anton: Well, with the right marketing strategy, I’m sure many people will want to give it a go.

Admiral: You know, the way I see it, this is just an excuse to get people to run your farm for you.

Anton: Of course not! I genuinely want to give people a new, unique experience.

Cardinal: You know, I’m actually quite intrigued by this idea, and I’d certainly like to come onboard to help you think up new ideas and experiences beyond the basic Harvest Moon choices. All I’ll want in return is a healthy supply of meat from the farm.

Anton: Well, uh, I’m not actually allowed to slaughter my animals…

The Cardinal has made a generous offer, but Anton seems unwilling to negotiate! Is this the end of his time in the Den?

Cardinal: In that case, I think I can safely say that you won’t be getting any of us fat cats interested in your business, and so I’m also out.

Anton has failed to sell the Harvest Moon experience to the Dragons! Is there a market for real-life farming situations?

This Week in Anime

Go board spotted in Oh! Edo Rocket.

Pizza Hut continues to exert its hold over Darker than Black.

Amber tries to change her co-stars’ pizza-eating ways by introducing them to healthy apples.

New portable alternative to HORSE is discovered.

Melons prove to be a hit in Gash Bell.

Various fruits ally to recruit a new human agent.

Rubber duck prepares to commence a long, lonely journey out to sea.

Another person falls to the evils of grapes.

Oranges begin their takeover of Lucky Star.

An exclusive preview of the next arc of Akagi is screened.

*NEW* Flash Game Review: Yellow Out

I can’t help it- people show me Flash games and for brief periods of time I become addicted to them. For that reason, I must introduce them to everyone via Tuesday Rumble, starting with this puzzle game- Yellow Out. The aim of the game is to move cars back and forth in order to get the yellow car out of the parking lot, and the fewer moves you take to achieve this, the more points you’ll earn. There are sixty levels to complete, and happily if you have to shut down your computer or quickly close your window because the boss might see you, you can pick which level you want to start from (although you’ll lose all your accumulated points). Difficulty ranges from the straightforward to the frustrating, but sadly once you’ve done all sixty levels (which took me a few hours in between doing other stuff), there’s little incentive to play again. Still, it’s fun while it lasts.

Mini-rant: Gaming on mobile- what’s the point?
Last summer, in the grip of Ratchet and Clank fever, I bought R&C: Going Mobile for my mobile phone. Several minutes later, and my inability to perform simple wall jumps and swing-shot manoeuvres on level one brought my relationship with the newly purchased game to a swift yet definite demise. And I couldn’t help wondering- apart from the old classics like Snake, what exactly is there to be gained from trying to play games on your mobile?

To quote from Blackadder, “today’s fashion is towards the tiny”, and indeed the minuscule keypad of a mobile phone is hardly the place to be coordinating complex button combinations whilst squinting at tiny characters on the screen. If one desires handheld gaming, then just invest in a DS or PSP and some real games to play on them (finances permitting, of course). Perhaps I’m just bitter at having a bad experience, but let’s get real here- let’s leave mobiles to perform the function they were originally intended for.

Harem of the week: Aya Mikage (Ceres, Celestial Legend)
Since her body contained both her own soul and that of her tennyo ancestor Ceres, Aya was double the woman most others could aspire to be.

Harem
Toya: The main man in the harem, Toya was the sexy mysterious bishounen who turned out not only to be not even human, but who was actually born to find Aya.
Yuhi Aogiri: The ‘nice guy’ who always ends up being ‘just good friends’ with the lead girl.
Aki/Mikagi: Aya’s brother, he became infected with feelings of siscon after the feelings of his ancestor Mikagi took over his mind.
Kei: A manga-only character who came onto Aya.

Amusing Search Terms- now with 90% less perversion
choking scene animeblog: everyone longs to blog a choking scene.

does baileys room ever show her bare pus…: okay, this was cut-off but you get the idea.

fuck laura ramsey: Um, I’d rather not.

“burst angel” sei “her breasts: have a tendency to fall out.

was not have for but: What ho, my lord, for there is discontent upon the breeze.

what happen on october 12th?: Well, I seem to have posted a weekly round-up, I might have gone dancing, it’s all good…

Over at Random Curiosity, many seem to be finding it hard to occupy themselves between episodes of Clannad, especially when the series takes a week off. Now, we at Azure Flame are an understanding lot (I say we, but I really mean me), and so we’ve decided to put together some suggestions as to what you can do to ease the pain of those long waits.

• Watch other anime: I’ve been reliably informed that anime series other than Clannad do, in fact, exist, and some of them are even superior to it. Watching them will surely help the time pass.
• Rewatch old episodes: If you really can’t accept the existence of those other series, then at least watch the first half of the series again…and again…and again.
• Take up a new hobby: Fill your life with, well, activity- perchance you already have work, school or both, but there are many other things you can do to fill your time. Get out of the house more, and the wait will seem less strenuous.
• Discover manga and gaming: If you absolutely cannot leave the house, then at least make the time spent indoors interesting. Manga and gaming aren’t too dissimilar from the anime scene, so you can ease yourself into them.
• Stare at a black screen: If all else fails, try this- you never know what images you might be able to discern if you look at the blackness long enough.

Kaiji- the Room of Naked Men

“It’s not fair! I’m telling Mum!”

“It’s time for you to learn the meaning of HARD GAY, boy!”

“We don’t have time to waste!”

“Hmm, I suppose your size is acceptable.”

“Men can’t have sex with other men- can they?”

Yes, Kaiji, they can.

“Come here boy- I like the look of your tackle.”

“I like a man who’s willing to experiment.”

“Now, since it’s your first time, I won’t force you to go all the way.”

“This place is about one thing and one thing early- casual sex!”

“He’s taking me from behind!”

“All right, you had me- but now it’s my turn!”

“Take it like a man!”

Kaiji develops a foot fetish.

“I don’t want it anymore!”

Really? I hadn’t noticed.

“What cologne do you use?”

“Oh god, how did I end up in an escape pod ejected into outer space?”

Dragons’ Den: Magic CCTV and Villain Chair

Welcome to a new feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral‘s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

Next into the Den is one Fei Wong Reed, who is looking for investment in his Equipment of Evil company. Can he offer a deal tempting enough to get the Dragons interested?

Fei Wong: Greetings, fat cats! I’m here today to pitch for investment in Equipment of Evil, a company specialising in high-end equipment for archvillains. I’ve brought some samples of our products here with me today- a custom-built chair for conducting villainous activities in, and a magic CCTV with which to automatically watch the heroes’ activities. The market for this type of product is growing all the time, and if you invest, you can be part of it. Any questions?

Aria: Punyu? [How did you get to this concept?]

Fei Wong: Well, as a sufferer of frequent back pain, I knew that standing all the time wasn’t going to do me any good, but once I was in the chair, I couldn’t really do much without having a good way to watch the heroes.

Mr Tibbs: I notice your CCTV seems to be on Syaoran TV at the moment- is there any way to change that?

Fei Wong: Well, each CCTV will be tuned to a custom hero channel using our patented technology.

Mr Tibbs: I see- and is there any way to change the channel if I get bored? Say I want to take time off and just relax in front of Sky Movies- would that be possible?

Fei Wong: Unfortunately, we haven’t yet discovered any way of changing the channel.

Fei Wong’s pitch was going way, but by admitting a major flaw in his product, he has lost the interest of at least one of the Dragons.

Mr Tibbs: I’m sorry to say it, but that makes your product infinitely less attractive to me- I mean, who would spend 177 chapters of their life watching the same channel? And for that reason, I’m out.

Mr Tibbs has declared himself out- what will the other Dragons think?

The Admiral: Fei Wong, how many of these have you sold so far?

Fei Wong: Well, about, er, ten in the last year.

The Admiral: Ten?

Fei Wong: They’re custom builds with a five-hundred percent mark-up. We are making money.

The Admiral: Well yes, but I don’t believe your claim that this is a scalable business- I think you’ll shift a few, but never enough for me to make a return, and that’s the reason why I’m out.

Mikoto: Just to let you know where I am, I’m out too.

Aria: Punyu. [I've heard bad things about you in the press, and I think your negative image will reflect badly on me, so I'm out.]

Cardinal: I’m sorry, but I have to agree with everyone else’s objections; this isn’t a company I can make money on so I won’t be investing, but I would like to place an order for my own chair and CCTV.

Fei Wong: Hah, I knew you wouldn’t invest, but this is all going to plan! Farewell, suckers!

Fei Wong has left the Den without investment.

Mr Tibbs: When will he learn that that “everything’s going to plan” line doesn’t fool anyone anymore?

This Week in Anime

Apples- as endorsed by Master Keaton.

“Dad, I support apples now- get these oranges out of here.”

“It’s a fruit overload!”

For the ultimate flavourless experience, try new Bland!

“I know I swore loyalty to apples, but these peaches are mighty fine!”

Note the Mikoto-cross on the forehead of the dog.

Why do I feel like there might be the teensiest flaw in this argument?

Two MANLY men meet for some HARD GAY on the so-called “Meat Day”.

Anime World Tour- Last Exile

Welcome to the world of Prestale, where vanships roam the skies and the nobles enjoy a life of luxury and plenty even as the commoners struggle to find clean water. Fear not, however, for during your stay on our planet, the Maestro Delphine will kindly allow you to sample all of the delicacies the Guild has to offer- for a price. Be it crucifixion in roses or gladiatorial combat to the death, you can be sure that your time at the Guild will never lack for excitement!

For those on a more modest budget, however, we recommend the planetary surface package- it may not be as glamorous, but you will be able to watch vanships in flight, bet on chocobo races and much, much more!

Mini-editorial: Blogging the British way

Now apparently, the mere act of being British is enough to level up one’s blogging, and truly our allies in other countries must be wondering- how can we ever compete with those tea-sipping villains? Well, kind as I am, I have decided to put together the secrets of blogging success, and you won’t even have to emigrate to achieve them.

• Drink plenty of tea: tea is the fuel of Britain; without it, we cannot function. By sipping tea regularly, you can increase brain function and write yards of flawless, fascinating prose.
• Force everyone to speak the language: English may not be your first language, but we demand that you blog in it to demonstrate our apparent superiority and hide our inability to write in any other language. Unfortunately for all concerned, the English language has about a million words, of which the average native speaker knows 10,000- if we only know 1% of our own language, how can anyone else ever be expected to master it?
• Rename your country: Naming it “Great Britain” must truly have had an effect- try renaming your nation to something like “Fabulous Germany” or “Awesome Malaysia” to see if it helps.
• Master our culture and history by watching Blackadder- this will teach you relevant historical facts and demonstrate the use of humour, sarcasm and irony at its best.

In Your Reflection

This week sees a head-to-head between Aria’s Alice and Minami-ke’s Chiaki; both are the youngest of their respective main character groups, with a cool know-it-all attitude and a tendency to be blunt in their assessment of other people. Nonetheless, both of them can act childish at times, be it trying to get home by only walking in shadows, or naming a rock and kicking it all the way home

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourite: you toube sex

anime girls with ears: they mostly do have ears, unless they’ve been in some kind of accident.

animeblogger girl wrestling: Hmm, I wonder what my fellow female bloggers would think of taking part in such a thing.

“mechanic”+”ardavan”: Were you searching for Makai Kingdom or physics information?

anime girl free herself to Christmas: Hmm…

removing bikini: Quite simple, really.

“damned souls” naked: Naked prinnies! Shocking!

use me for sex: Don’t you think we should get to know each other first?

“rpg maker”breast: Breasts in RMXP are mere pixels.

Amusing Spam

“Zimbabwe: $10bn Cash Deal -…

Mutekede tendered her mobile phone to the court which showed five text messages she sent Kadzura after her arrest and…”

…and what happens next? It’s like my very own soap opera!

“Fundraiser focuses on ”Beginnings” -…

Silent and live auction items include VIP seats to Broadway shows; a New York City package featuring a taping of…”

Hmm…

“cuppoodles in wilkes county”

nAre these dogs that double as teacups?

“blood clot color diagram”

Red?

“Alan…

Please, you have to elaborate on this one. I remember this movie celebrity I meet that would chuckle at this….”

Alan isn’t a man to elaborate on such things.

“asked question tattoos of gypsy girl”

I don’t know what tattoos she had, to be honest. Sorry.

Part II: Shu

Liu Bei: A youthful lover, effeminate to the point that no one really knows his (or her) true gender. Despite his lack of experience, his uncertain sexuality should please those who like to experiment.

Zhuge Liang: God’s own son, a master in the bedroom. Few have seen him “tackle out”, and it will take someone very special to get the full HARD GAY treatment from him.

Guan Yu: A rough and direct lover, consumed by the Lord’s Sphere to the extent of becoming violent in the bedroom.

Zhang Fei: Similat to Guan Yu, only even more lacking in finesse.

Zhao Yun: A skilled and secretive lover, he likes to laugh at any partner inferior to him. Only those able to keep up with his swift technique need apply.z

Part III: Wei

Cao Cao: In any other world, Cao Cao would be refined and effeminate, but as it stands he is more masculine than the other kingdom leaders. A man who prefers unpredictability and bondage in the bedroom, a night with him may be exciting, but not necessarily for the right reasons.

Cao Ren: A rough and boorish lover, not recommended except in the most desperate of circumstances.

Zhang Liao: A quiet lover, prefers to remain submissive in the background.

Xu Zhu: Likes to cosplay as a Man in Black- bring your nurse and maid costumes for a fun, kinky night with him.

*NEW* Dragons’ Den: Death Note

Welcome to a brand new feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral‘ first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

First into the Den is Light Yagami, looking to secure investment in his new innovation, the Death Note.

Light: Hello everyone, I’d like to present my business idea- the Death Note. Basically, you write down a person’s name whilst picturing their face, and then they will die of a heart attack or other specified cause. Using this, you can quickly eliminate your business rivals and increase your profits.

Cardinal: Hmm, and how will this be better than the system I’m already using?

Light: It’s no mess, no fuss- instant killing!

Admiral: Can I ask you something? Did you actually come up with this idea yourself?

Light: Uh, no- it actually belongs to the world of shinigami.

Admiral: So any shinigami could come down to Earth and put one of these on the market?

Light: Hmm, I suppose so…

Admiral: That’s it- I’m out.

The Admiral has declared herself out already, and Light is in for more bad news when President Aria has his say.

Aria: Punyu [this sort of thing goes against my morality, so I'm out].

Aria is out, but could Mr Tibbs be about to throw Light a lifeline?

Mr Tibbs: So, Light, have you any proof that this thing can actually make money?

Light: Well, the Yotsuba group used it to great effect.

Mr Tibbs: But they were caught, weren’t they?

Light: I’m sure you’re smart enough not to get caught.

Mr Tibbs: Well, quite.

Cardinal: Would it be possible to perhaps take this product in a slightly different direction? I mean, killing people is all very well, but what if I just want to teach them a lesson? Would it be possible to make a sort of Punishment Note that just gives them an electric shock or something?

Light: I’m afraid it’s death or nothing.

Cardinal: In that case, I’m out.

Mr Tibbs: I’m going to declare myself out too.

Tibbs and the Cardinal are both out; now all of Light’s hopes rest with Mikoto. Mikoto has remained quiet throughout the negotiation, but now she is about to reveal her hand.

Mikoto: I’ve been listening to all this, and I actually like the idea. You see, there are a lot of annoying characters in Mai-Otome, and so far there’s been no way to kill them off. With your Death Note I could change all that, so I’d like to invest.

Light: I’d like to accept your offer. Hail Kira!

After a tough time in the Den, Light has walked away with the deal he wanted, but will he write the names of the Dragons down in the Death Note? We hope not, or there’ll be no follow up to this feature!

Bokurano

“I am the Bartender, here to mix you your destined drink.”

“Look, I don’t have time to go over my life story so you can decide what that drink is- just get me plain old water.”

“I’m really into shogi ever since I watched Shion no Ou!”

“Do you think I could take my shogi board business into the Dragons’ Den?”

As far as dialogue goes in this sort of situation, this has to be the worst line ever.

Gonzo reveals their next plan- a spin-off studio called Sagonzo.

Poor guy- tired out from too much HARD GAY.

“I know I said I’d given up HARD GAY, but I couldn’t resist!”

“They’ll get their Liangs out no matter how much you try to stop them.”

Yes, there’s a lot of things you can’t do when you’re dead- say stupid lines, for one.

HARD GAY corner: Atelier Iris

As an alchemist, Klein Kiesling was well versed in using his “cane”, but unfortunately, he just couldn’t seem to shake off the interest of women. At last, however, he found an older and more experienced lover in the form of Delsus, before later catching the eye of expert “swordsman” Arlin. Unfortunately, Arlin was so obsessed with his ex-lover Mull that he frequently went off for Hyper Self Pleasure instead of committing to his new partner, forcing Klein to confront Mull in battle in the hopes of removing him from the equation entirely and winning Arlin’s heart. He was even undeterred on finding out that Arlin was just a Pleasure toy created by Mull- after all, androids are programmed with multiple techniques.

This week in Anime

Hands up who remembers Quantum Leap.

“What the f*ck do you mean, I’m not allowed to f*cking swear!?”

Brown dog plots revenge for its fallen comrades.

“It would become this big!”

Is that Kyo from Fruits Basket lurking in the background?

The secret base of the tomatoes is discovered.

Advertising, anyone?

“Oranges, fresh from their traversal of the Antarctic wastes.”

“Don’t you like my new girlfriend?”

Apples find a new champion.

Mini-editorial: Do we stop being ourselves the more popular our blogs become?

When we start blogging, it is usually in a sea of obscurity- no one knows us, hardly anyone reads us, and the anonymity afforded by the net enables us to rant about what we wish without fear of reprisal on the dreaded Letter Bomb Night.

Nonetheless, as the blog draws attention from readers, aggregators and fellow bloggers, there may well be a tendency to abandon the plain-speaking of the earlier days and adopt an outlook more suited to fitting in than expressing ourselves. If all our contemporaries like Lucky Star, then how tempting it must be to either agree with them to avoid being called an insensitive idiot, or to deliberately provoke them with flaming about the series- all regardless of our actual feelings about the show.

Aside from the occasional flame-baiting by the usual suspects, however, does this sort of thing actually happen as our readers turn from faceless generics into named characters? Do we start conveniently sweeping our dissenting opinions under the rug so that everyone will like us? Do we conveniently fail to admit the guilty pleasure found from sneakily watching certain series? Or do we go the opposite way, and try to antagonise other bloggers for the sake of hits? If people want to do such things, who are we to dictate what they write on their blogs? Perhaps all we can do is respect those brave enough to sit alone at their computers and post their true opinions under an alias.

Reverse Harem of the week: Akane Motomiya (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De)

A character so useless that even in the original game all she could do was use Cheer to motivate her AI controlled party members, Akane managed to make men fall in love with her for no apparent reason.

Harem

Tenma: The possessive wife-beater, and most likely to become Akane’s boyfriend. He becomes extremely paranoid and jealous whenever she as much as looks at another man.

Shimon: The good natured and optimistic shota- voted most likely to love Akane from afar for all eternity whilst serving as Tenma’s whipping boy.

Inori: The hothead young man who initially claims to have no interest in girls.

Tomomasa: The seductive older man with an eye for the ladies.

Yasuaki: The gentle mystic whose cold professionalism hides an innocent heart.

Yorihisa: The honour-bound samurai.

Takamichi: The scribe with a mother complex- most likely to become a family man in later life.

Eisen: The gentle and innocent musician.

Akram:The demon and main villain of the piece, he has an unhealthy fascination with Akane.

Rivals

Ran: A rival priestess and Tenma’s long-lost sister.

Shirin: A female demon who adores Akram and tries to seduce Takamichi.

Sefuru: A young male half-demon who befriends Shimon.

Amusing Search Terms

“fate/stay night” anime continue: No, it must never continue!

gay yaoi: Is there any other kind?

childhood in victorian England: can be best researched on an anime blog.

Amusing Spam

“Topless Putin: Russia goes ga…

MOSCOW: Few could have predicted the squall of gossip and speculation that would follow after Russian President Vladimir Putin stripped…”

This made me laugh so much.

“POWELL…

To much to shallow. This just sounds to liberal for me. Kinda brings back some memories of dating sites….”

So sorry- let’s keep things conservative for now.

“slave porn…

free sex slave training…”

Free, you say? Hmm…

Welcome to a world where school doesn’t have to be all about textbooks and theory- if you’re inexplicably talented and mature for your age, then anyone from age 5-15 can enlist in Garden, an elite school that teaches you how to be a mercenary! From festivals to intense weapons training, the three Garden facilities (Balamb, Galbadia and Trabia) offer everything you could possibly require for those fun and wholesome formative years. You can even learn how to do more than just mindlessly attack your enemy by equipping a Guardian Force (GF) and unleashing awesome magic, summoning and item-using powers (note: some reports claim GF use can have an adverse effect on memory, but these are mere rumours with no scientific backing).

Adults and casual visitors need not despair, however, for there is plenty to occupy them too. From challenging random strangers to the widely popular card game Triple Triad to enlisting in the Galbadian army, you are bound to find something to suit your needs! Just remember that television and radio signals are severely affected by interference, so you may not be able to tune into the BBC world service.

Heroic Age revisited

“…once they find out you have this giant sex toy.”

“Who needs a lover when I have this to Pleasure me?”

“Why did I have it made out of chocolate?”

“No one must learn about my secret love of trashy teen horror flicks.”

What I love about Heroic Age is how it makes you feel up close and personal with the action.

“We’d better get them to form an oderly queue, or it’ll be chaos!”

#

“Mmm, I’d like to be first in line.”

Use of the custom paintbrush facility in GIMP enables hundreds of identical ships to be drawn in mere seconds.

“Hey, are we even on the right show?”

“Sorry, I have to rest for a moment- my backside is sore from all the kissing.”

“The camera crane is stuck again- I can’t get it to lower!”

This Week in Anime

One man tells his sad tale of servitude to the orange empire.

More to the point, what are you doing with that raccoon?

I love Oh! Edo Rocket, but scenes like this still terrify me.

“I hope no one notices I’m standing in for the real Bartender.”

Apples team up with grapes to overthrow the evil Montague.

Oranges are caught trying to illegally enter the country.

“I hear you give excellent Hyper Self Pleasure.”

“I haven’t done it in a while- I hope I’m not rusty.”

“True love- or at least true lust.”

“That is why I perfected Hyper Self Pleasure!”

Mini-editorial: Character depth- can it sometimes be too much?

In real life, people are complex- they have various facets to their personality, and it is highly unlikely that any two people would agree with or approve of each other a hundred percent of the time. Nonetheless, the medium of television often likes to render things a bit more simplistically- heroes are heroic, villains are villainous and supporting characters, well they’re lucky to get more than one or two character gimmicks.

Nonetheless, the demand for “realism” has continued to make itself known over the years, and so it has been that in due course writers have tried to add a bit more depth and complexity to their characters with the aid of back stories, ambiguity and the like. Our hero may have a bleak past of assassination and murder, our villain may simply be a misguided product of an abusive upbringing. Such gimmicks are now familiar to us, but still we must ask- is there a point where it all becomes too much. To put it succinctly, are we able to throw ourselves behind a likable character who ordered the death of millions?

To go to the example that inspired this editorial, let’s look at Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist. The Roy Mustang we see on screen is a competent officer with a wicked sense of humour and the ability to inspire great loyalty in his troops- altogether a likable character. Nonetheless, as we dig a bit into his past, we learn that he is also responsible for the deaths of innocent people- admittedly an act he committed under orders and one which he regrets, but can we ever fully put aside his complicity? Do we accept the Mustang we see in the present, embracing him as one of our favourite characters even as we gloss over his less savoury deeds?

Ultimately, then, it must come down to what we, as the viewers, want from our characters; do we wish to be challenged to feel ambivalent about them, to build relationships with them that involve some conflict and complexity of feeling? Are there some acts that cannot be forgiven, no matter how contrite or likable the perpetrator is now portrayed? Are shallow characters cliché, or is it actually comforting to have heroes who embody ideals of purity, courage and optimism, alongside pantomime-esque villains that we can boo, jeer at and generally hate without fear of political correctness? Perhaps, in the end, there is room for both in our viewing schedules.

In Your Reflection

This week we take a look at two girls who may well be identical twins- Code Geass’ CC and Darker than Black’s Amber. Aside from their remarkable physical similarities, both have special powers, an importance to the plot that doesn’t surface straightaway, and a secondary role as Pizza Hut poster girls.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourite: www.you toube

goo toube sex : you toube was one thing, but goo toube is just plain scary.

harvest moon help two beds together: you sick, sick person- this is a game for kids!

final fantasy 7 yuffie rape game: no, that wasn’t one of the proposed spin-offs.

maria sama ga minute: In the words of Google, did you mean Maria-sama ga Miteru?

Amusing Spam

I know you were all dying to read the Spanish Viagra advert, but unfortunately it was too long to copy and paste here.

“The Intelligent Warrior Subliminal Videos | …

intelligent warrioir video series…”

I can’t wait to watch it, whatever it is.

Part I: Wu

Lu Xun: The main character, young, good-looking and virile. Having been taught by the great Zhuge Liang himself, he knows of many techniques, but he doesn’t seem to take the hint when approached by potential lovers.

Sun Ce: A rough and powerful lover, his skills are enhanced by the Lord’s Cube.

Sun Quan: A gentle, effeminate lover- prefers to be submissive.

Taishi Ci: Another rough and direct lover, prefers to use Axe. Not for those who prefer a man with a bit of finesse.

Ling Tong: An enthusiastic if not especially skilled partner, recommended only as a last resort if you can’t get anyone else.

Ling Cao: A solid and knowledgeable lover.

Lu Meng: Although he seems tentative and shy in the bedroom, Lu Meng shows some worthy Spear work once he loosens up. Beware when seducing him, as Taishi Ci considers himself to have first claim.

Zhang Zhao: An older advisor, experienced but not a particularly worthy lover.

Huang Gai: Another older lover; lack of action may have made him rusty, but with the right man his talents will blossom once again.

Gan Ning: Zhou Yu’s bitch; know for his tendency to devote himself to a single master. Show him some new techniques, and he will be putty in your hand.

Zhou Yu: One of the most HARD GAY men of the age, his Flute skills are second to none. Known for choosing his lovers carefully, he refuses to be anything other than dominant, and will not accept that there is anyone larger than him. Proceed with caution to avoid bruising his ego.

Zhou Tai: Quite possibly the long lost brother of Kanbe from Samurai 7; another older lover who is solid yet out of practice.

Zhuge Jin: A dominant lover who is skilled in the ways of Claw and Thread. Sleep with him if you wish, but be aware that he will manipulate his lovers in all sorts of way in return for Pleasure.

Lu Su: Although young and enthusiastic, Lu Su has only a Dagger and so may not prove the most satisfying experience in the bedroom. He also has the embarrassing tendency to shout out “Zhuge Liang!” no matter who he is sleeping with.

Join us next week for parts 2-3, covering Wei and Shu!

This Week in Anime

Forget Big Brother- Pizza Hut is always watching you.

“…HORSE!”

“Come to me, you big stallion!”

“Is this enough fruit for you?”

“Oh no, a yellow thing is kissing a grape!”

“Now let’s all eat some fruit!”

“Hey, when’s Akagi going to show up?”

“Fast food- you are hereby placed under arrest by the healthy fruit federation!”

“Now, Lu Xun, let me demonstrate the correct hold for the tango.”

Anime World Tour: Dennou Coil

Welcome to a future where virtual reality is literally everywhere! For a small investment in a pair of special glasses, you can see and interact with a virtual overlay of the real world. Invest in a cute cyber pet, send e-mails and phone calls to your friends and generally enjoy this next step of the internet, all for a reasonable price! Please note, however, use of illegal hacking items and encodes is strongly discouraged, whilst we would like to dispel any alarm caused by false rumours of dangerous obsolete spaces and virus programs. Rest assured that if you do see anything out of the ordinary, those in authority already know about it and will be working to correct the problem.

Mini-editorial: Recovering the spark of the early days

Veteran anime fans, join me for a moment in remembering the times when anime was new and exciting. In those times, just the sight of anime style designs was a noteworthy event, and there was something almost magical about the vast and largely unexplored world of anime- one which surely must contain the series we’d always hoped for and dreamed of in its depths.

Unfortunately, as time passes and one becomes more familiar with both anime and manga, that initial spark inevitably tends to wear away. Anime is commonplace, even overabundant, to the point where one becomes finicky, critical and less likely to try any old series that comes their way. Old series that were once cherished are now deleted or sold, and the excitement of the early days seems entirely absent. Now, I’ve already discussed the “evolution” of a fan’s relationship with anime in previous Tuesday Rumbles, but one thing I haven’t touched on is how to recover- however briefly- the feelings of embarking on something new and exciting. And since waiting for an ultimate series like Dennou Coil to come along and re-energise the old enthusiasm is something of a hit and miss venture, alternate methods must be found.

Perhaps the best way to briefly feel the magic once again is simply to try something new within the vast boundaries of one’s hobby. Visit blogs and take note of the writers’ favourite anime and manga- especially if they are titles you’ve barely heard of. If anime doesn’t inspire you, move onto manga, and if even that won’t do, try some Japanese RPGs. It may only be a temporary measure to appease a jaded palette, but even the briefest return to those simple times when you didn’t know enough to argue about the deeper symbolism of ef or analyse the characters of SaiMono must be a welcome respite.

Harem of the week: Aoyagi Ritsuka (Loveless)

He lost his memory and worried that he wasn’t the real Ritsuka, but that didn’t stop him inadvertently charming all those around him.

Harem

Aoyagi Seimei: Ritsuka’s apparently deceased brother; seemed rather close to his younger sibling and is quoted as saying he needs only a world with himself and Ritsuka.

Agatsuma Soubi: Seimei’s Fighter, now passed onto Ritsuka- the seductive older man.

Yuiko: The optimistic if none too bright classmate.

Osamu: A side story character and childhood friend.

Shoko: Ritsuka’s psychologist, wishes she was younger so that she could be closer to Ritsuka.

Rivals

Kio: Soubi’s friend- wishes Soubi would concentrate on him instead of chasing children.

Yayoi: Another classmate, he likes Yuiko even though she rejected him, and sees Ritsuka as a rival.

Amusing Search Terms

Nightmare Flames: Burn in heck!

FF7 Red XIII with tifa hentai: It disturbs me that I have a feeling I’ve seen something along these lines.

code geass hentai dougin: In the words of Google, “Did you mean code geass hentai doujin?”

how to keep yourself from being ideal in: I’m too perfect! Tell me how to act flawed!

manga diaper movie: This worries me.

how does harukanaru toki no naka de end?: Poorly.

friends forever(anime): We’ll be friends forever…wait, who are you?

blindfold anime episodes: Some episodes are better when watched whilst blindfolded, I find.

Amusing Spam

“Hello, my name is Gudvin, I like yours blog.”

Thank you, Gudvin.

“fsoft…

It can many times get wearisome to extract the acceptable grannycinema data from the poor….”

The idea of “grannycinema” both perplexes and scares me.

Since most readers on here are above the age of ten, you may or may not be aware of Club Penguin, a children’s website which I admittedly visit once or twice a fortnight to mess around on. Nonetheless, Club Penguin feels lacking in something, and so it seems to me that we must update it for the anime and gaming generation, with an all-new spin on it entitled Club Prinny. On Club Prinny, one must input a number of sins in order to generate a damned soul, which is then sewn into a prinny. After customising your prinny, you can wander around the Netherworld performing tasks to atone for your sins, and generally serving Laharl and Etna. Special events include payday (once a year) and the night of the red moon, where prinnies who have atoned for their sins can finally leave the site.

So don’t delay, play the simulation of eternal servitude for the souls of the damned today!

Kaiji 4

“HARD GAY will be revolutionised!”

“Oh no, my fantasy is turning into a tentacle rape nightmare!”

“…and yet I’m starting to feel strangely aroused.”

“That means we’re compatible!”

Random Thoughts: Zetta

This week we interview the most badass Overlord in the entire cosmos- Zetta! So, Zetta, are you really as badass as you claim, or is it all just a smokescreen?

Of course I’m that badass! Don’t ask me those kinds of questions unless you’re ready to go a few rounds and find out.

How did your career and life opportunities change once you got turned into a book? Did you have to turn over a new leaf?

Look, I’m sick of the book jokes already, okay? Yeah, being in this form isn’t ideal, but don’t think that I’m out of the game because of it. Everyone has minor setbacks, but strong people like me can easily overcome them.

Does it annoy you that you have to rely on low level battle monkeys whilst you sit on the field as a motionless book?

Part of me would love to get up close and personal with the enemy, but then again, you don’t spend years clawing your way up the ladder just to keep doing everything yourself. There’s no point having underlings if you don’t delegate the day to day work to them.

And finally, which is better- love or power?

Power, you idiot! Love is for losers.

This Week in Anime

“Look, oranges, I hate to say this, but I just don’t think our relationship is working out.”

What would life be without Pizza Hut?

“Ouch- why did you have to kick me there?”

“Take me now! I don’t care that we’re in public!”

“I will now teach you survival- Ray Mears style!”

“Tell the truth- you just hid that behind the bush earlier, didn’t you?”

“I support grapes and the revolution!”

“This fruit is not for the likes of you!—

“Oh well, I’ll make do with walnuts- they’re everywhere anyway.”

Anime World Tour: Utawarerumono

Welcome to a pastoral future of furries, simple living, gods and monsters! If you like the idea of a harem of cat, dog and foxgirls, then this is the place for you, and whilst the constant political turmoil across the continent may seem off-putting, it does ensure that you can go from nothing to owning your own country within a matter of weeks. So put your plans of conquest to the test and net yourself your own castle filled with beautiful girls- but beware of continual attack from unstable dictators!

Amusing Search Terms

women in tears anime: You beast, wanting to see women cry.

unusual pleasuring methods: Ah, you’ve come to the right place for everything from DOG to PILLAR.

azure rare playmate: Who doesn’t want a playmate?

Mai HiME doujin H-game: Sorry, my game is all-ages.

punyu movie: What is this?

anime bad angel: Bad angel- naughty!

realistic naruto: Naruto is highly realistic, isn’t it?

anime girL FROM OUTER SPACE: she’s from OUTER SPACE, I tell you!

Amusing Spam

“Instant Payday Loan…

>From what I can tell public policy managers who reside in Waterbury whimsically applaud cash advances…”

How utterly whimsical of them.

“amateur housewife…

I really do not understand why you are so on you”re point….”

Sorry, but I just have to make my point before I’m satisfied.

“free magic coin tricks…

Have heard from it before, but is indeed a very good comment. Thanks….”

Glad I could help with your free magic coin tricks.

“amateur wife…

..”

This whole business is filled with amateurs! Let’s see some professional wives.

Are you sick of using the same tired old phrases to describe melons in anime? Has Dragonaut just made it impossible to find new adjectives to accurately capture their size, bounciness and general defiance of the laws of physics? Then you need the new Systeme Internationale approved unit of melons- the hooter (htr)! Using a ranking system from 0-10, the htr scale encapsulates all the properties of melons and expresses them as a single, easy to understand number.

Sisters of Wellber 10

After the split, Tina is quick to find a new woman to warm her bed.

Note the presence of apples.

Why do relationships with one-shot characters never work out?

“…I have feelings for you!”

“I know.”

“Would you like a special gift?”

“Special gift? Didn’t we already do it tonight?”

“That was just foreplay!”

“Now let’s get down to business.”

This Week in Anime

“I have begun the Pleasure, but in order to take it to the next level, we need the fiery skills of the Russians.”

“Good- we can rely on them to offer good Pleasure.”

“These apples have been defeated!”

“But their companions in the bowl over there may want revenge!”

“So many fruits! What should we choose?”

“Nondescript orange fruit! Get your nondescript orange fruit here!”

The girls swap out apples for oranges.

Believe it or not, baskets of oranges read books when no one is around.

They also go on covert missions.

“Yes, considering I am an apple I have lived to a ripe old age- pun intended.”

Anime World Tour: Devil Lady

Welcome to a future where your wildest dreams of hideous monsters have just come true! If your thrive on danger, giant beasts and the possibility of being crushed and/or ripped apart as part of the collateral damage, then this is the place for you! Humanity is evolving, and it isn’t a pretty sight, but then science rarely is- so if you’re committed to biology and genetics, you owe it to yourself to see the next stage in human evolution! Who knows, you may even carry the Devil Beast gene yourself, in which case you too could transform at any time!

Harem of the week: Kohta (Elfen Lied)

He seemed benign enough, but his warm, friendly and spacious home was clearly designed to entrap as many women as possible.

Harem

Yuka: Kohta’s cousin, she harbours protective feelings for him, and even gets aroused by a couple of close encounters. She is continually jealous when other girls arrive on the scene.

Mayu: A homeless girl who ran away from her abusive stepfather and into Kohta’s tender arms.

Lucy/Nyu: A Diclonius with a dual personality, one simplistic and attached to Kohta, the other a cold killer who can only be stayed by her feelings for him due to their shared past.

Nana: A young and innocent Diclonius, becomes part of the harem after her “Papa” sends her away for her own safety.

Nozomi: A manga-only character who visits Kohta and Yuka; due to a bladder control problem she wears a diaper.

Amusing Search Terms

punyu movie, punyu movie free: Is this some kind of special President Aria movie?

ratchet and clank hentai, ratchet + sasha : hentai: it disturbs me that someone is looking for furry and metallic action.

busou renkin season two: don’t even suggest such a thing- besides, there’s no more manga material to base it on.

weekly around up: Is that like a Round-Up?

saga frontier time lord: I must admit there are many things I don’t remember about Saga Frontier, but I’m pretty sure The Doctor didn’t have a cameo.

Akagi 4Kids

Great news, Akagi fans, your favourite show has been licensed- by 4Kids! After the success of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh!, we decided that kids were ready for yet another gaming craze in the form of mah-jongg (or as we have decided to rename it, Tile Frenzy). In this series, plucky lead Ace (formerly known as Akagi) will bravely battle against the Gentlemen’s Club (yakuza) as he tries to prove to everyone that courage and faith are all you need to win at Tile Frenzy! Unlike Akagi, Ace doesn’t cheat- he just uses the power of friendship and destiny, and he has no fear of his opponent’s pointy fingers of death!

The main event of the show, however, must surely be the final arc, in which our plucky lead Ace wagers his mother’s precious jars of tomato soup (formerly his own blood) against a retired gentleman who wants to take over the world with the power of Tile Fenzy! You wont want to miss it!

This Week in Anime

Who needs liquor when you can get drunk on whisky bonbons?

These days, even oranges are entitled to bathe in the hotsprings.

“God bless this nondescript vegetable.”

Apples step up a notch in the ongoing fight against oranges.

Note the presence of grapes.

Apples prove to be among the more engaging characters in Romeo X Juliet.

Battle lines are drawn in the vegetable version of Risk.

“Hey, they laid on a swimming pool just for us apples.”

Titus’ loyalty to grapes can be clearly seen.

“Here, take this and join the Brotherhood of Yellow Fruit.”

HARD GAY corner: Princess Tutu

From an early age, Fakir was always HARD GAY for Mytho (a literal storybook prince), but there always seemed to be rivals for his affection- most notably their fellow students at ballet school, Rue and Duck. Nonetheless, the separation between male and female dormitories enabled Fakir to keep a close eye on Mytho, turning him into an obedient love slave.

Unfortunately, as Princess Tutu returned Mytho’s heart, he rediscovered his love of STRAIGHT and began to move away from Fakir’s affections.

“I must seduce Mytho to the ways of STRAIGHT!”

“Get away from my lover!”

Fakir finds a new lover

“If you don’t want HARD GAY with me, I won’t make you do it.”

“No, I would like to see your Liang.”

“Excellent- you have made the right choice.”

“Let’s set a date for tomorrow.”

“Don’t stand me up.”

You are so talented!”

Neko-sensei’s lessons of love

“…HARD GAY!?”

“I feel the time has come to teach you the advanced techniques.”

“How about we make it a threesome?”

“Now, to the bedroom!”

A typical night

“…to my body.”

“Just don’t start having STRAIGHT!”

Mini-editorial: Analysing the political situation in Kuchen

Usually, this mini-editorial is quite a serious and fairly relevant affair, but sometimes I just get the urge to do something completely silly and pointless- and so this week, we will be taking an in-depth look at the political situation of Kuchen, the fictional European island in Meine Liebe. As viewers of the show will know, Kuchen operates under a monarchy, with the king taking advice from appointed nobles known as the Strahl. Every season, we see a generic duke try to usurp the throne, and although we are encouraged to think of them as the villains of the piece, perhaps we should step back and consider for a moment whether this is actually the case.

After all, perhaps these dissatisfied dukes actually represent the popular opinion of the Kuchen public- that the time has come to shuck off a useless and ineffectual nobility and move into a republican age. Maybe the king, who does seem a little past his best, is a terrible ruler whose lack of ability to govern is sending the country into ruin. Is the life of luxury that our noble bishounen leads enjoy built on the backs of millions of struggling peasants? Should we, the humble viewer, abandon our support for king and country and throw our weight behind the revolution? Perhaps the villainous Beruze is merely an unsung hero wishing to lead his country to a new age- only time will tell (actually it won’t, but that seemed a good way to conclude the sentence).

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between two moody semi-bishounen- Witch Hunter Robin’s Amon and Last Exile’s Alex Rowe. As well as being similar in appearance, they both have aloof personalities and keep their distance from the leads at the beginning of the series, only to become more central later on. They also share a voice actor in the English dub.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: Romance of the Three Kingdoms Goes Hentai

“If you want do delete your site from ou: yes?

prince charming and romeo: I never thought much of Prince Charming- he was too generic and lacking in personality.

pumpkin with flames: Burn, pumpkin, burn!

anime girls with boy child: Okay…

dark maiden anime: In the name of the Maiden of Light!

Amusing Spam

“organic skin care…

It is tiring attempting to calculate the time we”ve used up looking for h2o pages….”

So we’re looking for plain old water this week?

“Eric…

i dont think you did that but that is juts me…”

That Eric, he keeps showing up here and you can’t trust him.

“hello…

will read it later…”

It annoys me when spam bots can’t take the time to read your post.

“As the world wide web continues to mass demon drawings webpages, we will work to deliver them to you….”

Good to know…I think.

Ratchet and Clank Universe

Ratchet and Clank is a great game series, but there are still ways to make it even better- and one of those ways is through R&C Universe. In this innovative game, every planet that has been featured in an R&C game up until now is available to visit, with all the races, space battles and other mini-games that you could ever wish for! Not only that, but the planets will go beyond their previous incarnations, opening up more locations and settlements for you to explore- meet Ratchet’s friends and family on Veldin, see Angela’s home and participate in the filming of all new Secret Agent Clank episodes! It’s a fully formed universe of its own, and you need never leave…

Ratchet Team Racing

nContinuing the impromptu R&C theme, let’s imagine another game the series really shouldn’t be without- Ratchet Team Racing! Whether you want to grind it up in your groundcar, join the Desert Riders’ hoverbike race or just hoverboard your way up to becoming the next Skidd McMarxx, this is the game for you. Play as Ratchet, Clank, Sasha, Angela, Qwark, Skidd, Al or Skrunch the monkey and burn the rubber in the next galactic tournament! Be warned, though, even getting from planet to planet requires you to race through space against champions like Ace Bunyon- and in the interstellar depths, anything goes!

Gundam 00 1

Here we see the brother of Rosenberg from El Cazador, complete with fetching ponytail.

And here we have the man that generic blonde shota will grow up to be.

“This Liang has nothing on my mighty ‘flagpole’.”

“Indeed, this is one of New Wang’s more disappointing products.”

The Grand Liang stretches up into space.

“Oh my god, I’ve just seen us on the big screen and we’re all so generic looking!”

Don’t you just hate when that happens?

Better than losing your manhood, at least.

Meet Haro: R2D2 edition.

Why do I feel these unpleasant Mai-Otome vibes?

This Week in Anime

Zhuge Liangs reach new proportions.

“Oh my god, I’ve produced some sort of hideous mutant!”

Strawberries return.

“I can’t be having PILLAR!”

HORSE is available even in the remotest of areas.

Today on Gintama: how to use flowers to get around topics that can’t be broadcast on TV.

Pizza Hut and Coca Cola- working together for a better future.

Limes make a rare appearance.

First we had oranges, but now apples assert their superiority.

Another juicy casualty in the ongoing fruit war.

Anime World Tour: Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou

Welcome to the quietest and most tranquil post-apocalyptic Japan you’ll ever see- much of what was once land is underwater and resources are increasingly thin on the ground, but there are many wonderful sights to see. From trees shaped like lampposts and mushrooms with faces to androids and mystical creatures, there is plenty for explorers to investigate, although there is plenty of provision for those who enjoy the quiet life as well. Stop in at Café Alpha for a nice cup of coffee and conversation, or just wander around enjoying the slower pace of life.

Mini-editorial: Forcing a community?

I meant to write about this last week, but when a lack of energy caused it to be omitted, I had to wait until now. This week, we examine the new situation ay 9rules, already summarised by Hung, one in which members are now required to actively participate in the community if they want their blogs listed on the site (leading to a mass exodus). The question is, can trying to force a community out of people who are there for another service ever work? Certainly scanlators who make people post on their forums before they can download manga only encourages spammers and those with little interest in making a long-term commitment to said forums.

Ultimately, people who want to post on a forum or message board will do so because they want to talk to like-minded people online- trying to force them to overcome apathy and disinterest can never work for long. You’ll either end up with a greatly reduced community that has no purpose other than being a clique for a few die-hards or a diluted place where nothing but the most shallow of comments are exchanged.

(This may seem hypocritical since I’m still on 9rules at the time of writing, but I’m sure in time they’ll kick me out for lack of enthusiasm.)

Harem of the Week: Yuuichi (Kanon)

As a star of his own harem diaries, it is only right that Yuuichi the sarcastic browbeater gets a turn in harem of the week to show off his successes.

Makoto: The hot-headed fox who became a human to be with her beloved; lived her human life under Yuuichi’s thumb.

Ayu: The loli who went to special measures never to grow up so that she could always appeal to Yuuichi’s love of little girls.

Nayuki: The sleepy cousin and childhood friend.

Shiori: The sick girl with a special illness that kept her off school but let her sit outside in the middle of winter wearing light clothes and a loosely wrapped scarf.

Kaori: Shiori’s sister, hides her feelings under a veneer of calm efficiency and brusqueness.

Mai: The strong but silent type who fights monsters in the school at night.

Sayuri: Mai’s best friend, generally cheerful and positive until her tragic past is revealed.

Amusing Search Terms

sou hime tides: Hmm?

inject balls: I don’t even want to imagine this as anything other than a simple lottery machine.

gay symbol: The Zhuge Liang.

light falling angel anime: D.N.Angel?

utawarerumono castle: It’s boring, don’t go there.

anime monster white: That’s specific.

government experiment gone wrong: They always do, don’t they?

angel of light and darkness anime art: sounds interesting.

RPGmakerXP nude sprites: I actually have one, but only for a template.

bikini anime: The ultimate in fanservice.

anime lu xun really gay: How many times do I have to tell you?

gaytrainingcamp: Have fun.

Amusing Spam

“Blondie girl here.

pamala anderson”

Is she any relation to Pamela Anderson?

“search engine optimization…

It can sometimes become hard to divide the valuable weight loss resource info from the inadequate….“

Indeed it can.

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? — Steven Wright”

One of the better spam of recent times.

The news that Clannad’s widescreen version would not premiere until a month after its 4×3 showing has angered many, and by looking at the screencap above, we can see why- no one wants to miss out on views of desks and classroom windows. That being said, let’s just imagine what sort of delights might be available in those hidden sections.

• Gratuitous fanservice.
• Hidden anime-only characters!
• Snipers trying to pick off the main characters.
• Fat cats.
• Papillon in a thong.

Kaiji rips off Yu-Gi-Oh! For shame!

It has come to our attention that the gambling anime Kaiji, which just started airing, is not as original as it seems- it is actually a rip-off of Yu-Gi-Oh! Let’s parody the first two episodes whilst we look at the evidence.

Hey, what’s my laptop doing on here?

He does have a point…

“I’ll tell you what I want- what I really, really want.”

On Kaiji, Kaiji is forced to go on a mysterious ship in order to erase his debts, whilst in the first arc of Yu-Gi-Oh, Yugi took a mysterious ship to Duellist Island to get his grandfather’s soul back.

Admittedly, in Yu-Gi-Oh the ship was floating through the depths of heck.

Wait, isn’t that a Nippon Ichi SRPG spell for curing status effects?

Any excuse to frisk a fit male body.

“Listen very carefully, I will say this only once.”

These stars greatly resemble the star chips used on Duellist Island.

They’re even playing card games to win stars!

“But- but Yu-Gi-Oh is all about the power of friendship!”

Yep, this is definitely just like Yu-Gi-Oh.

Random Thoughts: Furude Rika\r\nThis week, we interview Furude Rika from Higurashi, and spoilers will most certainly be involved! So, Rika, what was it like living the same events over and over again?

Incredibly boring, if it must be known, and of course getting killed over and over isn’t nice. When I took this job, I had no idea how repetitive it was going to be, but at least it’s made me famous.

Does it ever disturb you that technically you’re an ancient person stuck in the body of a child?

Of course it does- I want to grow up, damn it!

All your friends got to go on killing sprees- didn’t you ever wish that you could do the same to relieve the stress?

Many times, but then I realised that everything would just reset once I was done.

Don’t you think “Himanizawa Syndrome” is a bit ridiculous?

Don’t even ask me to defend the writers on that one.

And finally, how do you really feel about Satoko?

Don’t get me started- I have never met a character more annoying in both her happy and miserable arcs. If you must know, I was the one who secretly encouraged the town to hate her, and when I was pretending to be her friend, I was really just isolating her from everyone else.

This Week in Anime

It’s like every series has to have a bartender these days.

Mmm…strawberries.

I never knew I had my own bar…

Oranges are evolving personalities of their own.

Even so, it isn’t helping them to win the war.

Anime World Tour: Akagi

Welcome to a world filled to the brim with GAR and MANLINESS, so much so that even women would grow a pair if they entered it. In this yakuza-dominated world, the main (and indeed only) pastime to indulge in is mah-jongg, and for those of you who have already mastered the normal game, fear not, for there are all sorts of crooked and fixed matches to participate in. Whether you fancy trying to outsmart your opponent with glass tiles, bet your own lifeblood on a match, or just switch their hand when they aren’t looking, we have every variation of mah

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between two quiet young women- Maggie from R.O.D. the TV and Sakaki from Azumanga Daioh. Both are good-natured yet somewhat introverted, and totally committed to their most beloved pastime (books for Maggie, cute things for Sakaki).

Amusing Search Terms

This week, a misguided but conservation-minded internet user asks “Are Wolves Going Extinct?”. A question worth looking into, indeed, but other people have more pressing queries, such as “Is Koutetsu Sangokushi Gay?”.

Old favourites: Romance of the Three Kingdoms Goes Hentai

Full moon wo sagashite animated banners: not here, sorry.

The samaga com: Am I stupid for completely failing to grasp what this is?

ANIME BABY ANIME: yeah baby, anime!

good charm school witch storys: might as well fit everything you want into one anime.

“Ikkitousen ” NAKED: I love the way “naked” is capitalised to add emphasis.

what Mercutio looked like from Romeo and: Who’s Mercutio again? …(yeah, that was irony- it’s like goldy and bronzy, only made of iron).

harvest moon were is the gods drop: Er, don’t look at me.

anime(dreams vs. reality): I dream of the perfect anime…

I have seen the end and no one survived,: oh noes! The end is nigh!

Amusing Spam

“Jessie…

I”m going to look into this and let you know what I find….”

Good for you.

“PianoKawai…

…”

How cute…a piano.

“libido for women…

It is wearisome striving to compute the hours we”ve invested searching for libido articles….”

And sometimes, spam just makes me laugh.