In the floating city of Neo Verona, the Capulet family ruled peacefully- until the night Lord Montague massacred them and took control of the city for himself. Unbeknownst to him, however, the surviving friends and retainers of the family take it upon themselves to rescue Capulet’s daughter Juliet and raise her in secret, all the while keeping her unaware of her true heritage. Now, fourteen years later, Juliet has finally come of age, and so the time has come for her to learn the truth- and hopefully lead an uprising against Montague’s increasingly cruel regime. Juliet, however, has other concerns, for she has just met a young man named Romeo- and it is only after she starts falling in love with him that she learns he is the son of her enemy Montague.

Romeo and Juliet is that one Shakespeare play that everyone knows almost inside out- if you haven’t studied it in school, then chances are you’ve been subjected to one of the many adaptations, from the old 70s film where all the protagonists wore hilariously awful costumes to the more recent effort involving Leonardo di Caprio. With the market for the world’s most famous tragic love story so flooded already, there hardly seemed room to pack in an anime series as well, but despite their amazingly poor track record at adaptations, Gonzo decided to give it a shot.

As it turned out, they might as well not have named the series “Romeo X Juliet” at all- Ryutaro X Jun would have done just as well. Yes, there were two tragic lovers from opposing families, but wasn’t the original set in the distinctly land-based city of Verona, rather than the floating continent of Neo Verona? Certainly the original didn’t have magical trees, flying horses and the perplexing presence of Shakespeare himself within the play; nor did the original Juliet don a cape and mask and fight for the rights of the oppressed peasants under the alias of the ‘Red Whirlwind’. Alterations were the order of the day, but at first, that didn’t matter- if you forgot its origins and just treated it as another anime series, the whole thing seemed like a mildly entertaining romantic fantasy.

Unfortunately, things soon took a downward turn when it became clear that instead of throwing the original plot out of the window in favour of a new one, Gonzo didn’t actually have anything much to offer in the story department. For fear of moving too fast and thus running out of story, characters dithered around for episodes on end, going round in circles and never experiencing any real development. Juliet was meant to be leading an uprising, but the time was never right, whilst Romeo only managed to get himself sent out to some distant mines before ultimately taking up a farming career. Fascinating stuff, to be sure.

By the time the plot did take off, however, not only was it in the last few episodes, but it was such a half-hearted attempt at anything resembling a story that you ended up wishing they hadn’t bothered. Whilst good finally rose up and defeated evil with a remarkable ease that made it plain they could have done so any time in the series, poor Juliet found out that her destiny was to save the world by turning into a tree. I truly and honestly wish I was joking, or that I could at least report that she avoided this fate, but alas, it was not to be. I know the minds at Gonzo have come up with laughably poor endings before, but this must take some sort of record.

As well as the titular Romeo and Juliet, the series is packed with supporting characters, both loosely based on those from the original play or just made up for the occasion. Don’t expect much in the way of development, however- most characters are as simplistic and one-dimensional as they come, with the writers’ idea of fleshing them out being to information dump a typical “mother died and father disappeared, so I became evil” back story on us. The only vaguely interesting character is Capulet cousin Tybalt, and even his appeal is largely because of his brooding good looks and black Pegasus.

If there’s one thing Gonzo are known for delivering (often to the detriment of all else), it’s visual quality- and RxJ is no exception. Neo Verona itself must truly be an example of architecture porn- beautifully rendered buildings and streets are packed into every corner, and even though more rural locations such as the Gradisca mines are necessarily less attractive, they are still technically very competent. Character designs are less extravagant but still well done for the most part, although as the series progresses there seem to be an increasing number of budget-saving episodes where everyone becomes simplistic and ugly. Background music is largely forgettable, whilst the OP (a Japanese version of “You Raise Me Up”) will only appeal to those with a penchant for overdramatic ballads.

Final Thoughts
I’m not sure whether an animated adaptation of Romeo and Juliet would ever have been taken seriously, but Gonzo seemed determined to ensure that even those who would have given it a chance could find little good to say about it. With its bland characters and lazy approach to plot development, there was certainly little incentive to do anything other than stare at the beautiful architecture of Neo Verona.
Tier: White

Reviewed this week: Aria the Origination 4, Gunslinger Girl- Il Teatrino 3, Kaiji 16, Koutetsu 19-20, Minami-ke Okawari 2-4, Mokke 11-13, Persona 4, RxJ 24, SaiMono II 33, Shigofumi 3, Shion no Ou 12-13, Sketchbook 11, Spice and Wolf 4, Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 3

…and in manga: Nodame 100-106, Sketchbook 1-5, Three 1, Tsubasa 181

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Aria the Origination (1) – the Single life
2. Spice and Wolf (2) –wolf at the door
3. Shigofumi (3) – felt like jumping
4. SaiMono II (4) – too many characters
5. Kaiji (5) – zawa, zawa
6. Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (7) – mind-altering drug
7. Minami-ke Okawari (9)- not quite the same
8. Persona Trinity Soul (10)- Mushi-Uta’s successor
9. Sketchbook ~full color’S~ (8) – lots of cats
10. Gunslinger Girl- Il teatrino (11)- Pinocchio
11. Clannad (12) – the world is made of invisible harps
12. Shion no Ou (13) – tournament time
13. Mokke (14)- magical cat

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Tetsuko no Tabi (2)- is this ever going to be subbed?
2. Sisters of Wellber (3) – predictable but fun
3. Himawari!! (4) – needs less plot
4. Koutetsu Sangokushi (5) – pure HARD GAY
5. Shounen Onmyouji (6)- mediocre
6. Love GetChu! (7)- light entertainment
7. Romeo X Juliet (8) – WOOD <- complete!

Aria the Origination 4: I think we’ve already established that I love Aria, but once again this episode affirms that love. Since Alice and Aika are busy, Akari has a day off from her usual schedule, and so Alicia suggests that she try her skills at the Traghetto, an event where Singles can pair up and take people out. To that end, Akari meets three one-shot Singles who show us just how hard it is to make it all the way to Prima, although it seems as if our lead might just have the skills to do it. I love Aria even when it goes nowhere, but to see Akari slowly growing up is an especial treat- much as I never want this to end, it will be great to see her come into her own and presumably become a great Prima at the end.

Gunslinger Girl- Il Teatrino 3: As the Pinocchio arc continues, I’m left with mixed feelings- there are times when I can see through to the original brilliance of the manga, but then the anime goes and throws it away with its poor production values and inexpert presentation. I feel that this is the point where I must accept that it will never live up to either the manga or the first anime season and just try to watch it as if it was a separate entity of bronze level.

Kaiji 16: E-card starts to get underway in this episode, as Tonegawa explains the rules and plays his first couple of hands against Kaiji. The game is simple enough but with an element of psychological strategy that should make the arc as gripping as ever- especially when Kaiji must bet his eye or ear if he wants to rake in the big money. I’m sure this game will be a big hit with the kids.

Koutetsu Sangokushi 19-20: I really didn’t think this series could get any more ridiculous, but I had to quickly revise my position after the events of these two episodes, in which an excess of HARD GAY power turns Guan Yu into a giant mechanical horse monster which then goes on a rampage after our heroes. I think we can safely say that all pretence of a plot has long since gone out of the window- in its plce, we can laugh at the new heights of ridiculousness this series is prepared to go to.

Minami-ke Okawari 2-4: Although the changes in tone still feel a little jarring, I’m settling into the second season of Minami-ke a little more- underneath the cosmetic changes and breast enhancements for Haruka, the same quality of amusement is there. In these three episodes, we see the Minami sisters and their friends visit a bathhouse, enjoy a ‘pyjama festival’ and unwillingly participate

Mokke 11-13: With three more episodes under my belt, I can now clearly see my problem with Mokke- it just makes the supernatural so unappealing. Instead of being able to enjoy these phenomena, they’re wreathed in doom and gloom, whilst Grandpa is basically a miserable old bastard 95% of the time. Anyway, within those restrictions, this trio of episodes bring us more one-off stories- first Mizuki and Shizuru encounter a one-eyed demon of bad luck, then Mizuki is inconvenienced by a possessed bridge, before finally one of Shizuru’s classmates takes a romantic interest in her and ends up gaining the assistance of a perverted little man-creature. It’s all very standard, and whilst not especially poor, it is the weakest of the non-slow series I’m following right now.

Persona Trinity Soul 4: Ah, Persona, I’m drawn to you despite not knowing what’s going on, although my suspicions about Jun being possessed by the spirit of his dead twin seem to be correct. Compared to previous episodes, this one slows down the pace a lot, preferring to focus on mystery and character introspection than action and Shadow-stripping, but it’s all good.

*COMPLETE* Romeo X Juliet 24: I’ve finally bothered to watch the final episode of RxJ, and it was as disappointing as expected- after some overtures towards the customary final boss battle, Romeo is killed and Juliet turns into WOOD, whilst all the supporting characters live happily ever after. Consider me unimpressed.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II 33: With Shuurei’s help, Shuuei manages to make it out of the city, but now all the supporting characters are getting worried about screen time, resulting in discussions, hints to conspiracies and Ryuuki’s inevitable attempts to avoid discussing marriage. Such a dialogue heavy episode can’t really be enjoyed raw by someone of my level (especially when I’m impatient to see more of the Ran family), but there are still some entertaining moments when Ryuuki, Seiran and Ensei get a look in (am I the only one struggling with all these new faces?).

“You cannot treat the main character in this way!”

Shigofumi 3: Although the last minute editing led to a rather jarring hostage situation in which the perpetrator spent all his time apparently unarmed and indeed lacking any body below the neck, I still enjoyed this episode of Shigofumi. Whilst the main story concerns a father desperate to find out why his son suddenly committed suicide, the ending also seems to probe into Fumika’s past, indicating that she may not have always been a mail-carrier. Bring on the next episode.

Shion no Ou 12-13: Even though it hasn’t particularly improved, I’m becoming oddly addicted to Shion no Ou- possibly in the same way that unappetising sweets can become more-ish if you eat enough of them. In this pair of episodes, the tournament continues with all three girls getting soundly defeated, only to get a convenient second chance in a later match against some generics. Whilst Satoru appears to be showing his colours as a creepy sadist with a penchant for stirring up trouble, episode thirteen ends on a cliff-hanger that might just see Ayumi’s trap status blown for good. Well, on balance it probably won’t be, but at least it provides an impetus to say “yay, episode fourteen! Now!”

No, not as yet.

Sketchbook ~full color’S~ 11: Another episode of Sketchbook is here, and happily it is as cat-filled as promised, as our feline heroes try to think of a way to convince Sora (who is sick at home with a cold) that cats really don’t want to eat expired food. A simple enough premise, perhaps, but with cats as cute and fluffy as these ones, one I’m willing to sit and watch.

Spice and Wolf 4: Be it action or character moments, Spice and Wolf keeps me deftly in the palm of its hand, and with the silver coin conspiracy heating up, there’s plenty of both in this episode- which ends with Horo on the verge of getting captured by a rival company and apparently recognising a familiar face. The highlight of the episode must surely be Horo’s speech on loneliness- a sure reminder that no matter how old and wise you are, it’s never pleasant to go it alone. Even I wanted to hug her at that point.

Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 3: The pattern for this new season appears to be that the first eight minutes are where SHAFT has free rein to delve into their hallucinogenic stores and deliver utter craziness that only those with a particular mindset can enjoy, before settling back into more season one-like levels for the rest of the episode. After the aforementioned craziness, the episode moves into ‘duties that aren’t really duties’ (such as updating one’s blog with a weekly round-up every Friday) and the need to counter casual revelations of big events with momentous revelations of trivial ones. Enjoyable stuff indeed- if you take your magic mushrooms first.

MANGA

Nodame Cantabile 100-106: Another volume down the line, and Nodame and Chiaki are being drawn apart by their respective work schedules, so much so that Chiaki decides to move out and rent a new place. Will they inevitably be drawn back together, or is it best for each of them to follow their own paths? In between the continuing development of our two leads, some time is also devoted to piano genius Rui, who must herself decide on her future- even if it isn’t what her mother wants for her.

*NEW* Sketchbook 1-5: As part of the ‘start new manga in 2008’ drive, Sketchbook has become one of the first titles to be delved into- the original manga, of course, from which the full color’S anime is adapted. In true 4-koma style this manga is a bit hit-and-miss- sometimes a joke or observation will hit its mark, but at other times either the timing is poor or something gets lost in translation and it falls a little flat. I think I prefer the anime overall, but I will continue to read the manga anyway.

*NEW* Three 1: I wasn’t actually intending to start this, but since the first chapter came zipped with Tennai 31, it seemed a waste not to read it. My second Fuyumi Soryo title (the first being Eternal Sabbath), Three introduces a young girl striving to become an idol, her brooding rock star cousin and a boy with the indefinable ‘magic’ needed to become a true star. So far, so cliché, but it should make for a solid read if not a particularly outstanding one.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 181: A bit more exposition avoids the need for anything to really happen in this chapter, which reveals that Fei Wong is in Clow Country after all, whilst not really doing much else except show off CLAMP’s drawing skills. Apparently, however, the price for journeying further onwards has already been paid when someone gave up his memories- am I right in thinking this might be Watanuki? Perhaps I should get back to reading xxxHOLiC, if I can recall where I left off.

Juliet: No! I don’t want to turn HARD YURI!

Meanwhile, Francisco, Curio , Conrad and Tybalt are stuck outside.

Francisco: It looks like we aren’t even important enough to be allowed into the final area.

Tybalt: I hate to say it, but the time has come to accept our accursed roles as supporting characters. All we can do is carry out useless time-filling tasks whilst we wait for Romeo and Juliet to resolve the plot.

Romeo prepares to confront Ophelia.

Romeo: What have you done to Juliet!?

Ophelia: She’s mine now.

Romeo: Shut up! The series is called Romeo X Juliet, not Ophelia X Juliet!

Ophelia: We’ll see about that.

Escalus closes Ophelia and Juliet away from Romeo. As she does so, Neo Verona begins to fall apart.

Shakespeare: No! If the world falls apart, we’ll all die horribly, but more importantly, there will be no more stories!

Ophelia begins the incantation necessary to turn Juliet to WOOD.

Ophelia: Oh, foolish star of the worst adaptation of Romeo and Juliet to appear so far, absolve thy sins by becoming inoffensive WOOD!

Romeo: Stop! It wasn’t that bad a series!

Juliet is taken into Escalus’ trunk.

Conrad: Why is this happening? This has to be one of the worst anime endings ever, and that’s saying something!

Ophelia: Damn, she’s resisting and I don’t know why! Who wouldn’t want to become WOOD?

Romeo: Well, pretty much anyone, I should think.

Ophelia: Shut up!

Ophelia moves to attack Romeo, but Curio, Francisco and Tybalt appear just in time to rescue him.

Tybalt: Ah, having something to do in the final feels great!

Ophelia: How dare you supporting characters come in here!?

The four men begin battling Escalus and Ophelia. Romeo makes his way to Juliet and calls to her, causing the tree to burst open.

Romeo: Juliet! Let’s make this a happy ending!

Ophelia: The final boss battle isn’t over yet! Begin Phase Two!

Ophelia becomes completely WOODEN and combines with Escalus to attack Romeo.

Romeo: Cutscene power!

Romeo stabs Ophelia, shattering her. Unfortunately, he is also stabbed by WOOD, and falls into Juliet’s arms.

Romeo: Juliet.

Juliet: Romeo.

Romeo: Juliet!

Juliet: Romeo!

Romeo: I can’t speak your name anymore- the director has forbidden it. Farewell.

Romeo dies.

Juliet: Damn you, Gonzo, why did you have to change everything else and still keep the tragic ending? Now there’s no choice but for me to become WOOD!

Juliet transforms into WOOD, safely bringing Neo Verona down to rest in the sea instead of floating unrealistically in the air. In the months afterwards, all the named characters find happiness- Cordelia and Benvolio have a child, Vittorio becomes mayor, Tybalt and Petruchio’s siblings have HORSE with Cielo, Cielo and the female HORSE have a foal, and so forth. And that, as they say, is that.

It’s been a year of ups and downs, of anime gems and utter disappointments- a year when I’ve alternated between craving more and feeling utterly fed up with the continuing deluge of episodes that take no account of the fact that people might have other things to do than stay in and watch all day. Nonetheless, in true years-end tradition, we must review all the new series in an Annual Round-Up, a project which I meant to periodically update through the year but ended up writing at the last minute again.

As always, red titles are those which were dropped, and blues are the picks of the year. Come back on Tuesday for the New Year Rumble, in which we take a look at the year in the life of Azure Flame.

STILL RUNNING FROM 2006

Asatte no Houkou

The beginning of the year saw the end of Asatte no Houkou, a series that had started as a strong character drama and slice-of-life piece, but lost it somewhere with its slow pacing and plot contrivances. Ultimately, the series was a ‘curate’s egg’, good in parts but sorely lacking in others.
Final words: The series may have been called ‘The Direction of the Day After Tomorrow’, but sadly the plot sometimes lacked direction.

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto

Last year, I labelled the emerging Iroha as a tentative pick of the year, but in retrospect, it was more silver than the gold tier it seemed at first. Despite remaining generally enjoyable throughout, the series got mired in a repetitive storyline, numerous historical cameos and an ending that defied sense and explanation.
Final words: Good for those who like action or historical series, but sadly not worthy of entering the hall of classics.

Busou Renkin

Ah, Busou Renkin, a series replete with cheesiness, ridiculous special abilities and Shounen Jump clichés- on the surface of it, hardly something worth writing home about, and yet an important series in its own right. A prime parody candidate, every week of Busou Renkin brought more hilarity than the creators had ever meant to include as Kazuki found himself torn between the worlds of HARD GAY, STRAIGHT and BI.
Final words: I wouldn’t actually watch the series ever again, but parodying it was a lot of fun- blogging hasn’t been the same since.

Le Chevalier d’Eon

At the end of last year, Chevalier was going strong, and it lost very little of its appeal as it moved into its closing episodes. Yes, the ending didn’t make a great deal of sense on close inspection, but with strong characters, worthy action scenes and an unfaltering sense of historical atmosphere, Chevalier remained enjoyable throughout.
Final words: Good enough to parody twice.

La Corda d’Oro

Last year, I had an optimistic view of Corda; this time around, the tale of a Neoromance reverse harem would surely have decent characters and some kind of a plot- or so I thought. Unfortunately, it was not to be- whilst our lead cheated her way through the music competition with a magical violin, the shallow supporting characters and slow pacing did nothing to disguise the general lack of substance.
Final words: Another game adaptation hardly worth writing home about.

Death Note

I enjoyed the Death Note manga, but in anime form, it wasn’t a series that could work for me- the long exposition scenes never seemed suited for an animated format, and attempts to bring the story to life only made Light seem overly theatrical under his red spotlight. After many episodes of thinking “well, the next arc will be better”, I decided to terminate my relationship with the series.
Final words: It didn’t flourish in animated format.

Kanon

As we must all know by now, after the first few episodes, Kanon failed to do much for me- Yuuichi was always too sarcastic and cruel to the girls, who were in turn too one-dimensional to do anything about it. Despite the series’ attempts to tug at the heartstrings, overall it failed to ignite for me, ending up as only another excuse for parody.
Final words: Sad girls in snow don’t make me cry.

Mai-Otome Zwei

Most trainwrecks have the grace to stop and let the rescue crew hunt for survivors, but not Mai-Otome- it just keeps rumbling on. Aside from one or two good action scenes, this whole OVA proved to be a waste of time, introducing a pointless enemy and filling every spare moment with character cameos and fanservice. There was no real reason to expect anything else, but why do I keep getting sucked into this franchise?
Final words: Why do I already know I’ll be watching the next sub-par Otome OVA?

Red Garden

Despite attempts to make its mark with a distinctive art style and a New York setting, Red Garden managed to utterly fail at either the horror or character drama it was presumably aiming for. With four angsty leads who spent most of their time whining or crying and a mystery that dragged on into a totally ridiculous conclusion, Red Garden was a largely dull experience that never rewarded the patience of those who dared to persevere with it.
Final words: Don’t bother with it. Really. It doesn’t get better later on.

Saiunkoku Monogatari

On the strength of its first season, SaiMono established itself as one of my favourites; far from the reverse harem series it first appeared, it actually proved to be an absorbing tale of intrigue, politics and character interaction as one woman chased her dream of becoming her country’s first female official. Of course, the attractive character designs don’t hurt, but to consider this series shallow just because of that would be to do it a great disservice.
Final words: I don’t see why anyone reading this blog wouldn’t have watched SaiMono yet, but if you haven’t, get to it now.

Shounen Onmyouji

A fairly generic tale of a young onymouji being sent to fight the strongest demons just because he happens to be the main character, Shounen Onmyouji was often pointless and rarely very good, but somehow managed to retain interest by having twelve spirit summons who were gradually introduced over the course of the series- and with many of them having little more than a basic appearance, the series even seemed to demand a second season in which to adapt more of the novels.
Final words: Large casts usually work against a series, but in this case it was a draw for an otherwise average series.

WINTER 2006/7
Winter is traditionally a slow month for anime, but could the fledgling 2007 break the curse of the cold months? Sadly, with only a couple of worthy series that were worth following to the end, it seemed that it could not.

Deltora Quest
Despite numerous failures, I’ve always kept my eye out for decent fantasy series, but sadly, Deltora Quest was not one of them. Despite being so packed with cliché and unintentional hilarity that it could have made a good parody candidate, the fact that the series needed to resort to budget saving flashbacks and stills as early as episode four was far from a good sign, and when the next episode proved to be even more dull and uneventful (consisting as it did of answering riddles), the series was quickly shelved, never to be touched again.
Final words: Classic fantasy in anime needs drastic reinvention.

Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight
School comedies have always been hit or miss for me, and Manabi Straight struck right out in its first episode. With an energetic and clueless lead who somehow becomes school president, Manabi Straight didn’t do a great deal for me, and was quickly assigned to the Recycle Bin.
Final words: Not for me.

Ichigo Mashimaro OVA

Basically a continuation of the TV series, the Ichigo Mashimaro OVA offered three more episodes of Nobue and the girls’ everyday adventures. Despite dragging a little in the second episode, overall the OVA was as entertaining as the TV series, with apt observations and polished delivery and timing turning basic activities into a source of amusement and entertainment.
Final words: A nice coda for a strong TV series.

Les Miserables Shoujo Cosette
As an attempt to adapt the original novel to a fifty-episode series aimed at the younger audience, Cosette seemed determined to make life hard for itself, and the results were appropriately unspectacular. With its emphasis on the Cinderella-esque life of Cosette, the series dripped with twee sentiments and overused plotlines to the exclusion of the good parts of the story.
Final words: Almost painful in its execution.

Maria-sama ga Miteru OVA

Prior to this OVA, I liked MariMite- despite all the angst, it managed to deliver a worthy tale of school life with a sprinkling of HARD YURI. Unfortunately, it was not a format that could make the transition to fifty-minute OVA episodes with any grace- everything became terribly long, drawn out and dull, whilst the HARD YURI content took advantage of its newfound freedom to reach new and unforeseen heights.
Final words: I’ll still be trying season four, but this OVA was a major setback for the franchise.

Nodame Cantabile

The only real noteworthy TV series from the winter season (aside from Hidamari Sketch and Himawari!!, both of which I still need to start), Nodame Cantabile promised to be ‘Honey and Clover with music’, but instead became tantalisingly inconsistent. At times, its insights into its two leads- one a technical genius, the other an intuitive talent- made it compelling viewing, but all too often the off-kilter humour and wacky side characters ruined the mood, whilst an air of Shounen Jump “let’s level up and make the strongest orchestra!” always lurked in the background. Despite these flaws, however, Nodame was overall a worthwhile investment of time, and with the manga still ongoing, a second season would be welcomed.
Final words: Snatches of greatness kept the series appealing even as the wackier elements suggested switching off would be the way to go.

SPRING 2007
Spring is usually the best season for anime, and indeed there were lots of promising contenders right out of the gate. When it came to the long haul, however, which would make it to the finish line, and which would run out of steam?

Bokurano
As readers may know, I love, adore and worship the Bokurano manga, and so I was delighted to hear that it was going to be adapted into an anime…right up until the moment I heard Studio “adaptation trainwreck” Gonzo would be handling it. Nonetheless, I went into the series with an open mind, only to find disappointment with major story changes and a complete lack of tension in the pacing- worse yet, the director himself claimed that he didn’t even like the original! I took his advice and chose not to watch any more.
Final words: If someone tries to pretend this anime even existed, I shall stick my fingers in my ears and sing loudly.

Claymore

I’ve managed to upset many Claymore fans by not rating the manga very highly, but let’s face it- faults aside, I’m still reading after seventy-four chapters and I do want to know how it’s all going to turn out. The same could not be said for the anime, which bucked me off like a recalcitrant horse after a mere eleven episodes thanks to uninspiring characters, dull fight scenes and a washed out colour scheme.
Final words: Give me Berserk any day.

Darker than Black

During its early episodes, I had the highest of hopes for Darker than Black- it seemed slick, well directed and packed with the perfect mix of exposition, mystery and action. Unfortunately, despite such a strong start, the series soon began to flounder, adopting a pacing more suited to a fifty-episode series as it introduced minor characters, packed in last minute explanations and generally failed to live up to those early days. Even Yoko Kanno’s work on the music didn’t seem up to her usual high standard, ensuring that no aspect of the series really lived up to its potential.
Final words: Darker than Black it may be, but it wasn’t better than good.

Dennou Coil

Ah, Dennou Coil, how much more can I praise you? I accept that this series wasn’t perfect, but if you’ll excuse the lapse into informality, it was damn close. Never before has a series so deserved to be lavished with internet praise along the lines of 1337, awesome and w1n, all thanks to an intriguing setting and story, combined with memorable and well developed characters. Mere words alone are not enough to praise this series, which was surely the best offering of 2007.
Final words: I worship at the shrine of Dennou Coil, and encourage others to join.

El Cazador de la Bruja

Better known as “El Caza-bore”, this third instalment in Bee Train’s girls-with-guns series did indeed contain girls and guns, but not in any combination that produced action. Instead, what we got was the most dreary road trip through a version of Latin America that contained only cacti, roadside diners and various other dusty clichés. Just watching all twenty-six episodes was an effort in itself, and one I only pursued for the sake of creating a superior parody version of events.
Final words: You haven’t experienced boredom until you’ve watched El Cazador.

Heroic Age
A series about a character named Age rather than an age of heroes, Heroic Age tried to create an epic setting involving space battles, legendary tribes and the like, but somewhere along the line it all became a dull universe populated by rejects from other Xebec series. With even the cameraman opting to stay well back from the action, there seemed little reason for anyone else to try to examine it closely.
Final words: Another average offering from Xebec.

Hitohira
A series about a shy girl who gets so nervous that she can’t speak (yet somehow gets into the drama club due to her occasional ability to shout), Hitohira was something I stuck with for a mere two episodes, before deciding that it wasn’t going to bring me anything particularly worthy. With forgettable characters and hints of HARD YURI, Hitohira seemed to patch together elements of other series like Tsuyokiss and Gokujou Seitokai- hardly a recommendation.
Final words: Like its lead, Hitohira remained quiet and unnoticed.

Koutetsu Sangokushi

As a fan of the Three Kingdoms era, I was looking forward to a series that would surely present it better than the forgettable 1990s effort- but sadly, despite superior production values, Koutetsu Sangokushi was not to be that series. Although Koutetsu should be praised for focusing on the kingdom of Wu, it loses points for its extreme levels of ridiculousness, from a super-HARD GAY gender-confused cast to the inclusion of special sentai powers for the main characters- somehow I just don’t remember these things happening in the original novel.
Final words: As far as historical adaptations go, this one is just laughably ridiculous.

Lucky Star

A series that attracted both hate and adoration in adoration, Lucky Star did very little for me; I didn’t despise it, but for me it just did very little- episodes would pass by and I would sit in front of them, almost completely indifferent to them. Occasionally I would laugh, but much of the series was just white noise.
Final words: Ichigo Mashimaro and Minami-ke make everyday life amusing, but Lucky Star just rambles on and on.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS
The first two seasons of Nanoha weren’t great, but they won me over with their attractive character designs and worthy action scenes; sadly, the first thing StrikerS did was to introduce new characters to an already bloated cast and throw out actual battle in favour of training against robots. Whilst the leads were forced to wear limiters to remove their God Modes, everything was left in the hands of the newbies, whilst what had once been a simple world of magical girls fighting evil became tied up in pointless bureaucracy. It may have improved later on, but after six episodes, I bailed out.
Final words: No more Nanoha for me.

Murder Princess
An OVA from Bee Train, Murder Princess told the tale of a princess and a bounty hunter who rather randomly end up swapping bodies, but unfortunately, what looked like it would at least be a mildly entertaining fantasy series was ruined by ridiculous elements such as a mad scientist and his two loli androids. In the end, even a mere six episodes of this seemed like too much.
Final words: Nice character designs, shame about the rest.

Oh! Edo Rocket

With its low profile and childish-looking character designs, Oh! Edo Rocket initially didn’t seem like something worth watching- but how wrong I was. After some positive recommendations, I reversed my position and took the plunge, and it was eminently worth it. A series so crazy that you cannot help but love it, Oh! Edo Rocket is nominally about a fireworks maker trying to create a rocket that can go to the moon, but there is much more packed into it- from secret ‘Men in Black’ with special powers to aliens, monsters and a metric ton of pop culture references. It’s crazy, hilarious, sometimes a little dark, and a cut above pretty much every other anime that relies so heavily on humour and parody.
Final words: If Dennou Coil is the best series of the year, then this one must deserve the silver medal.

Romeo X Juliet

Adaptations come from many sources, but could anime really make something out of a Shakespeare play? Whether or not it could, Gonzo was determined to try, and in their usual fashion, they glanced at the original, threw it out of the window, and created a version that involved magical trees, flying horses and an aerial city that just happened to be named Neo Verona. Despite the general lack of similarity to the original, the series started well enough, and seemed as if it would go down as inoffensive light entertainment; unfortunately, as it progressed, the plot became ever more lacking and ridiculous, whilst the leads hardly inspired one to care for their plight. In the end, it found its greatest worth in the parody arena.
Final words: Romeo X Juliet? More like Ridiculous X Joke.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II

After such a strong first series, was it any surprise that I wanted more SaiMono? Unfortunately, with subs having dried up, I had to go it alone into the domain of raws, which for such a dialogue-heavy series meant relying on Impz and usagijen to help me through. Unfortunately, this approach distances me a little from the action, so that whilst I still enjoy the series and think it is good, it just doesn’t hook me in as it did before. Is it the complex web of storyline that I can’t follow in raw, the introduction of a few too many new characters, or the decision to slow down the pacing a bit to accommodate the fact that the series is catching up with the novels?
Final words: I love it, but I want to spend more time exploring the main characters- maybe a full immersion in the world of the series is what is needed.

Sakura Taisen New York
Having enjoyed the first two Sakura Wars OVAs and the TV series, I felt it was high time to branch out into the later OVAs- only to discover that with New York, I had chosen a poor place to start. With a brand new lead and his harem of shallow girls, this failed attempt to recapture the original Sakura Taisen magic completely and utterly fell flat, forcing me to abandon it by its second episode.
Final words: The original cast cannot be bettered.

Seirei no Moribito

It had the most beautiful of settings, but after a strong early start, that ultimately seemed to be all Seirei no Moribito could offer. Although its slow and tranquil pacing satisfied some, for me it was a case of being a series where not only did nothing ever happen, but it took a long time about not happening. There were a few worthy action scenes, but the rest of the series was drenched in sitting and talking- and so many episodes of static conversation can grow stale.
Final words: Instead of making anime, let’s just sit and talk about it.

Shining Tears X Wind
RPG adaptations are renowned for not being up to much, and when the source material is reputedly “the worst RPG ever” (and its sequel), you can’t really expect much. Even so, Shining Tears somehow managed to achieve new levels of awfulness, with its pointless and forgettable leads, incongruous elements (tanks and lasers in a fantasy kingdom) and general lack of anything that can be praised. I once considered Disgaea to be the worst anime ever, but this series has taken that spot.
Final words: It was a pile of Shining Tears X Wind.

Shinkyoku Soukai Polyphonica

Despite having encountered disappointment with the likes of YoakeNa, I still found myself drawn to eroge and visual novel-based series with worthy character designs- hence my brief relationship with Polyphonica. Unfortunately, even the lovely Corticarte could not disguise the fact that Polyphonica was pretty much entirely pointless filler- and when a beach episode appeared as early as episode three, I knew it was time to bail out.
Final words: Have I learned my lesson this time? I hope so.

SKULLMAN
Skullman, Skullman, does whatever a skull can…sits motionless, on a shelf- well, you get the idea. Based on a retro manga and series, SKULLMAN was not a series well-adapted for life in the twenty-first century, and by its first episode it was already floundering. With spoilers on wikipedia recounting a miserable background and fate for the eponymous anti-hero, it hardly seemed watching any more.
Final words: He’s a man… with a skull for a head! Bet you couldn’t guess that from the title, eh?

Victorian Romance Emma Second Act

The first season of Emma was highly enjoyable, but the fact that it only covered two volumes of the manga left the story hanging. With that in mind, a second season seemed a true blessing, although ultimately it was not one that was handled as well as it could have been. Despite having a further five volumes to cover and only twelve more episodes to do it in, Second Act began with a filler episode, before proceeding to cut out large chunks of the story (although admittedly the manga storyline of Emma being kidnapped and taken to America had seemed a little farfetched at the time). All in all, it was still a highly worthy series, just not as good as it could have been.
Final words: You can’t go wrong with Emma, but this still didn’t quite live up to its potential.

Wellber no Monogatari ~Sisters of Wellber~

The tale of a thief and a princess trying to flee one country and make it to another before a deadline, Wellber was another of those series that didn’t seem to bring anything original to the table, but nonetheless appeared entertaining enough to watch. Unfortunately, elements such as predictable storylines and a talking tank conspired against it, but overall it just managed to pull through as a piece of light entertainment- not least because of the unintentional hilarity that cropped up in most episodes.
Final words: Mildly entertaining.

SUMMER 2007
In principle, summer is when everyone is enjoying themselves in the great outdoors- and so why bother to air much in the way of good anime? Still, given the poor showings of summer 2005-6, 2007 might just have the edge over them with its single digit selection.

Baccano!

With a wealth of named characters and a timeline that jumped back and forth through early 1930s America, Baccano was never the easiest series to follow, and indeed, even now I cannot say I had much of a clue what was going on throughout large chunks of it. Even so, the sheer enthusiasm and attack which the series brought to our screens was so infectious that one could not help but enjoy it- whether it was a tense shootout or just Isaac and Miria getting up to their usual antics, Baccano was always entertaining- and with many more novels left to adapt, hopes for a second season are high.
Final words: Every season needs a good historical series, and this was the summer’s candidate.

Doujin Work

A short series focusing on a young woman who believes she can make her fortune drawing doujinshi, Doujin Work was never going to be anything very special, but despite the budget animation and predictable jokes, it was somehow entertaining. And with the actual episodes running at only fourteen minutes (the rest of the time slot was taken up with a live action guide to making doujinshi), it isn’t a huge investment in time either.
Final words: Light entertainment done right.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai

After the first season, Higurashi had generally failed to impress, but having embarked upon the franchise, I felt I had to carry it through- a feeling that eroded with every week of watching Kai. Everything just felt so drawn out and over the top, especially Satoko’s situation (I would applaud the series for at least having a go at tackling the difficult subject of child abuse, but then again, is that something I really want to watch for entertainment?). Even the introduction of Hanyu to the mix couldn’t save the plot, and in the end I decided to leave the citizens of Hinamizawa to their miserable fate.
Final words: It fails in the execution.

Mononoke

Having been largely bored by Ayakashi, I approached its spin-off with caution- what if it was more of the same excruciatingly slow pacing? Nonetheless, having watched and enjoyed Requiem from the Darkness right before it started to air, I decided to take the plunge, and although Mononoke did indeed have its weak points, it turned out the be the right decision. With an intriguing lead character, unique art style and slicker direction than its predecessor, Mononoke managed to hit all the right notes for supernatural fantasy. A second season would not go amiss.
Final words: It succeeded because it didn’t have ‘Ayakashi’ in the title.

Mushi-Uta

Call me shallow, but the whole reason I wanted to watch Mushi-Uta was because the title seemed to label it as the bastard son of Mushishi and Utawarerumono. In fact, aside from a masked character who resembled Hakuoro, it bore very little resemblance to either, but after a shaky start, Mushi-Uta finally came up with the goods. Although the mixture of giant bug battles and high school life was often confusing, and in spite of the fact that I could barely get a grip on the characters’ names, the story slowly drew me in, to the extent that I even cared about the fate of a minor character. As with several other series this year, it needs a second season.
Final words: Sometimes randomly picked choices can work out well after all.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

Since the blogworld once had its own Hopeless Sensei, this anime seemed almost destined to be watched, and happily it was a series well suited to SHAFT’s randomness. A classroom comedy with a twist of bleak despair, Sensei was much like any other comedy- funny when it hit the mark, but somewhat random and a little tedious when it didn’t. Coupled with a distinctive high contrast art style, it made the series memorable and unique, but not always for the right reasons.
Final words: Somewhat inconsistent, but with some highly worthy moments.

Tetsuko no Tabi
It’s hard for me to really appraise Tetsuko no Tabi since out of thirteen episodes I’ve only seen a badly subbed version of the first one, but nonetheless I’ll include it for completeness. A series based on actual train journeys, Tetsuko no Tabi had an interesting enough first episode, but without more material to work with, I can’t really form a proper opinion on this.
Final words: Won’t anyone sub this?

Zombie-Loan
DearS never looked promising, and Peach-Pit had already disappointed me with Rozen Maiden, but nonetheless for some reason I just had to try Zombie-Loan. Unfortunately, the series proved to lack much in the way of appeal, coming across only as an inferior version of xxxHOLiC and Tokyo Babylon.
Final words: CLAMP already did it better.

AUTUMN 2007
Like the spring, the autumn is meant to be replete with series worth watching, but let’s face it- Autumn 2007 was a big fat disappointment. Yes, there were some good series, but somehow the preponderance of mediocrity combined with circumstances in the outside world ensured that anime enthusiasm reached new and previously unexplored lows.

Aria the OVA ~Arietta~
For those of us who needed more Aria to keep us going, this brief OVA would have to make do between the long-finished second and upcoming third seasons. There’s not much to say about it, really, other than that it was another gentle and tranquil half-hour of life in Neo-Venezia, and in fact proved to be so worthy that I sat and watched it without even wanting to disturb my concentration by taking screencaps.
Final words: Punyu!

Clannad

I enjoyed Air and disliked Kanon, so it seemed likely that Clannad would fall somewhere in between, and indeed, so far it has. With a more likable lead than Kanon, it immediately scores over its predecessor, but unfortunately there seems to be a limit to the number of “sad girls” stories one person can swallow before becoming a little blasé about the whole thing.
Final words: It’s not bad, but I just can’t fangirl over it.

ef- a tale of memories
Whilst Owen and the others raved over it in their multi-post extravaganza, ef for me was a title that needed to be put on hiatus after episode three- the idea of someone being unable to retain their memories for more than thirteen hours was intriguing, but watching ef felt like following three different series, of which only one was worth following. I shall one day go back and watch the rest of the season in one go, but it wasn’t something where I wanted to put the effort of watching weekly.
Final words: I’ll get back to it…later.

Genshiken II
I enjoyed the first season of Genshiken, and so it seemed a foregone conclusion that the second would strike gold as well- after all, it had the rest of the original manga to work with. And indeed, Genshiken 2 quickly launched back into familiar territory, with familiar situations, character development and the sad realisation that many of our favourite personalities were graduating and moving on.
Final words: Now onwards to the manga.

Gundam 00
After Seed Destiny, my relationship with the Gundam franchise hit something of a rocky patch, so much so that it would take something far better than the usual Sunrise fare to repair it. Sadly, Gundam 00 wasn’t about to do that for me, and after a few episodes of pointless factions and a group who planned to enforce world peace by instigating wars, I decided to put the whole series on the heating element behind the normal back-burner.
Final words: Watching it can wait until 2008.

Hero Tales
With a name like ‘Hero Tales’, it was pretty obvious that this series wasn’t going to be up to much- even the FMA mangaka couldn’t really weave a good story about a boy with a destined sword. After watching an episode to assess its parody potential, I decided that even the gods of parody couldn’t expect me to watch something so boring in aid of a few laughs, and so it was put aside.
Final words: As original as its title.

Kaiji

Series dripping with GAR MANLINESS aren’t usually my thing, but having enjoyed Akagi so much, it seemed only logical to see what Madhouse could make of one of the mangaka’s other works- ‘Gambling Apocalypse Kaiji’. Whilst Kaiji is more emotional and less cold than Akagi, the twists and turns of his story are still worthy viewing- although one cannot help feeling a little sorry for poor Kaiji as his mammoth efforts in trying to win games dreamt up by sadistic yakuza only seem to result in him getting ever more in debt. I fear that twenty-six episodes won’t be enough for this series.
Final words: This series should be shown to everyone who finds themselves in danger of incurring debt.

Minami-ke

Keen for an extra dose of Ichigo Mashimaro, I went forth into Minami-ke, a similar tale about the everyday lives of three sisters. Despite trepidation that it would turn into another Lucky Star, Minami-ke had the required wit and delivery to make it entertaining rather than dull, and already a second season (albeit a retelling rather than a sequel) is set to air this January.
Final words: Forget choco cornets, melon pan and taiyaki, this year’s in-food is cream stew.

Mokke

Ever since enjoying Shrine of the Morning Mist, I’ve been on the lookout for the next entertaining silver/bronze tier supernatural series, and Mokke seems to be it. It may not be anything special, but the episodic tales of a pair of sisters- one who can see spirits, the other who gets possessed by them- has largely proven to make for enjoyable viewing, and the addition of a cat with special powers is just the icing on the cake.
Final words: Bronze tier entertainment.

Moyashimon

As the latest series to air in the vaunted noitaminA block (I know it’s ‘Animation’ spelt backwards, but it still sounds like some kind of vitamin or mineral to me), Moyashimon had a lot to live up to, but fortunately, all it needed was its uniqueness to make it a hit. Unappealing as a series about microbes may sound, when you take into account the fact that to our lead these microbes look rather cute, the whole thing takes on a new dimension; in fact, you wouldn’t go far wrong if you were to watch the series for this novelty alone. Fortunately, the rest of the content is solid enough, even if the characters are a little wacky.
Final words: I never once thought I’d say that I wanted a plushie of Aspergillus oryzae, but I want one.

Rental Magica
Where the search for supernatural light entertainment brought some successes in 2007, it also racked up a few failures, and Rental Magica was one of them. Populated by rejects from other series, Rental Magica seemed sure to at least mildly interest with its episodic tales of a company of magic users solving problems, but apart from a master of cat shikigami, there was little to engage the viewer.
Final words: Something to go back to when you have absolutely nothing else to watch.

Shakugan no Shana II

Even though I enjoyed it at the time, in retrospect the original Shakugan no Shana had a lot wrong with it- not least of which were the pointless and uninspiring villains. Even so, a second season would surely forge ahead into interesting and unknown parts of the novel series- or maybe not. For instead, Shana II decided to diverge into an uninteresting game-based tale that seemed determined to shake off all but the most devout of fans. With last season’s confession revoked and the love polygon once again taking hold, it seemed as if this was one series worth bailing out of.
Final words: There’s completion, and then there’s masochism- watching Shana II was surely the latter.

Sketchbook ~full color’S~

Every year needs a good slice-of-life series, and whilst Sketchbook was not to be in the Aria/YKK class, it was still an enjoyable series, not least because of the high volume of cats and fat chickens contained therein. Although it times it seemed as if it was trying too hard to capture a calm atmosphere that should just come naturally, Sketchbook was still worth watching, and after initially thinking little of the shy and quiet lead, after a while I began to identify with her- all too often I end up thinking a lot more than I actually end up saying (but no more! Now I shall never shut up!).
Final words: Full of cats.

And so, 2007 has shown us both good and bad (much like every year, really) and all we can do is await 2008 and the offerings it shall bring us. See you next year!

Reviewed this week: Baccano! 12, Clannad 6-7, Mokke 5-6, Romeo X Juliet 23, Sketchbook 4-6

…and in manga: Chokotto Sister 47, Claymore 74, HxH 265-6, Mozart Doesn’t Sing Lullabies 9

Consider Higurashi Kai dropped for now; I might go back and watch the second half of the series at a later date, but I can’t work up the enthusiasm for it right now.

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Dennou Coil (1) – they’re coming to get you!
2. Oh! Edo Rocket (2) – I love this show!
3. Kaiji (3) – nice gambling boat
4. SaiMono II (4) – art thief
5. Baccano! (5) – there ain’t no getting offa this train we’re on
6. Minami-ke (6) – Ichigo Mashimaro II
7. Genshiken 2 (7) – secret otaku
8. Moyashimon (8) – cute microbes
9. Shion no Ou (9) – it’s a trap
10. Mokke (10)- magical cat
11. Sketchbook ~full color’S~ (11) – lots of cats
12. Clannad (12) – sad girls in springtime

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (1) – I’m in despair!
2. Tetsuko no Tabi (2)- is this ever going to be subbed?
3. Sisters of Wellber (3) – predictable but fun
4. Koutetsu Sangokushi (4) – pure HARD GAY
5. Shounen Onmyouji (5)- mediocre
6. Love GetChu! (6)- light entertainment
7. Romeo X Juliet (7) – WOOD

Baccano! 12: It’s perhaps a little worrying that we’re one episode from the end and I still don’t have a firm handle on everyone’s motives (at least I can remember their names now), but nonetheless Baccano weighs in with a worthy entry for its penultimate instalment. Whilst the various factions continue their ever escalating conflict aboard the Flying Pusyfoot, a past confrontation between named characters continues to unfold. Memorable moments include Czeslaw recalling how he sadistically tortured to test his immortality, Rail Tracer’s rather disturbing arguments to justify his place at the centre of the universe (don’t argue with a man who’s soaked in the blood of others) and Isaac and Miria’s much needed and always welcome comic relief. It’s a shame that such a unique series will be ending shortly.

Clannad 6-7: Fuko’s story continues in these two episodes, and although I was expecting the arc to be concluded by now, there’s at least one more instalment to go to wrap it up. Although, as I said last week, it’s hard to get involved in what feels like quite a formulaic Key tragic girl story, I do quite like Fuko, and the moment where her sister didn’t see her was quite a sad one even for the hard of heart. On another note, I’m also feeling quite benign towards Tomoya, for even though he’s a bit of a prankster, he somehow lacks the evil of the hated Yuuichi.

Mokke 5-6: A few years ago, I came up with the concept of “Episode five syndrome”, an inevitable condition whereby the fifth episode of a series (often the first instalment on the second DVD) always seems to be dull and subpar. Although such a condition has been in abeyance of late, Mokke turned out to be afflicted with a bad case of episode five syndrome, with the instalment in question featuring a forgettable minor character using teru teru bozu to clear up the rain before a baseball match. It’s dull episodes like these that lead to series being dropped, but luckily episode six had something better to offer, with Mizuki being given a Keseran-Paseran (a white hairball that brings good luck) to raise. Although I thought this would turn into a standard cautionary tale about relying on charms for good luck, it actually turned into a demonstration of why anime parents are so often absent, for when the girls’ parent show up, it becomes clear that their mother hates the whole supernatural side of their lives. All-in-all, then, it isn’t particularly outstanding, but at least episode six was good enough to take away the unpleasant taste of its predecessor.

Romeo X Juliet 23: RxJ is slowly grinding to a close, and now that final boss Montague has been dispatched with ease, all that remains is for Juliet to nip off and take Escalus’ place. Naturally, Romeo isn’t about to let his one true love leave him for a tree, and so the two confront each other in the crumbling depths of Neo Verona Keep. It probably should be heartfelt and dramatic, but it’s just somewhat bizarre.

Sketchbook ~full colour’S~ 4-6: Sketchbook has become a sort of slice-of-life lite for me; it doesn’t hold the allure of Aria and its peers, but at the same time it is too enjoyable to merely put aside. Whilst episode four sees Sora take a trip on a rainy day and episode six features an overnight stay at school, the true highlight of this triple bill is the cat-centric episode five, which follows the exploits of the felines of the series. Without their huggable presence, the series would no doubt seem much closer to average, so it’s nice to see them showcased in the way they deserve- in fact, I demand a full spin-off series just for the cats.

MANGA

Chokotto Sister 47: If you like fetish cosplay, then this is the chapter for you- having decided that Chitose should try to seduce Haruma, Makoto dresses her in various revealing and sexy outfits- and that’s pretty much all that happens. Despite the high level of fanservice, however, this series manages to retain some kind of hold on me- just because I need to see where the characters go next.

Claymore 74: We’ve had a few months of welcome side stories, but now it’s back to business for Claymore, and the series wastes no time in pitting Miata against Galatea- right in the middle of the holy city of Rabona. Despite my earlier criticisms of the series, this is actually a rather enjoyable chapter, although how I’ll fare on just one instalment per month remains to be seen.

Hunter X Hunter 265-6: I have to admit that I’m almost at the point of not caring about HxH anymore. With each chapter being bogged down by narrative and each character’s thoughts on the situation, the battle only moves forward incrementally, ensuring that this lengthy arc is less than enthralling. Let’s just get it over with and finish the series.

Mozart Doesn’t Sing Lullabies 9: As Beethoven and Sirene continue to investigate the mystery surrounding Mozart’s death, they find themselves trying to crack a code that may turn a meaningless message into an important clue- but when all signs indicate that the scale of the mystery might be larger than anticipated, just how safe will it be to keep poking around? Meanwhile, it becomes clear that those closest to Beethoven are worried about his hearing loss, but will the cranky composer react well to their concerns? As always, this is an enjoyable chapter, but the gaps in between instalments do interrupt the flow of the story.

Romeo: Juliet, I now declare that you are Grand Duchess of Neo Verona. Use your main character power to save the people whilst I go back to the village to continue my Harvest Moon dreams.

Generics cheer as the Capulet banner is raised.

Generics: Hooray! This will probably make little difference to our inoffensive, generic lives, but let’s cheer anyway!

(Cordelia: This must mean the series is coming to an end soon! I’m so glad!)

Whilst everyone rejoices, Romeo visits his father’s corpse.

Romeo: Father, you need never force young men to have HARD GAY with you again.

Tybalt enters.

Romeo: Who’s there?

Tybalt: Romeo, I am your brother! …Ahem, sorry about that. Anyway, I’m just here to ask what your screen time plans are for the next couple of episodes- you know, just in case there was anyone close to you who you’d like to give some attention to.

(Tybalt: Come on- take the hint and give me something important to do onscreen.)

Romeo: Well, you know, I really love Harvest Moon so I’m going to give all my screen time to Juliet whilst I go and farm. But if you want something to do, why don’t you go and give HORSE to the siblings of a minor character named Petruchio?

Tybalt: You idiot! I want a proper plot role, not wasting my HORSE on generics! And besides, don’t you even know that Juliet is going to become WOOD?

Romeo: WOOD? That’s an awful ending- I must stop her!

Whilst tremors shake the Keep, Tybalt and Romeo run to find Juliet.

Romeo: Why did this have to be a falling rocks level? Those are so 2006!

A convenient hole in the floor separates Romeo and Tybalt, ensuring that only Romeo can progress.

Tybalt: Damn, even the plot is telling me that I haven’t got an important role! Go on ahead, Romeo!

Romeo continues onwards and catches up with Juliet.

Romeo: Juliet, why didn’t you tell me about this whole WOOD thing? I turned STRAIGHT for you!

Juliet: Stay away- this is my plotline!

Romeo: The title of the show is Romeo X Juliet- we both have equal importance in plot matters!

Juliet: Romeo, don’t you understand? This is the point where I pretend not to love you so that you’ll leave me alone!

Romeo: I know that, but I still have to go after you or the director will get mad at me!

Juliet: You idiot- it’s the director who wants me to become WOOD!

Romeo: Maybe he’s just saying that so that you’ll do the opposite- you know, reverse psychology!

Juliet: I can’t take that chance!

Romeo and Juliet draw their swords and start fighting.

(Juliet: I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this- I’m still Level One!)

(Romeo: Why did I let myself get drawn into this? Now she’ll find out that I’m only Level One!)

As they fight, Juliet is overwhelmed by the power of flashbacks and ends up dropping her sword. Romeo briefly kisses her, before Escalus rises up, destroying much of the cavern and separating the couple just as Conrad, Curio, Francisco and Tybalt fly down.

Ophelia: There is no escape from the power of WOOD!

Juliet’s armour bursts open and she sprouts wings.

Juliet: Romeo, save me from the WOOD!

Tybalt: Romeo, much as I hate to admit it, you are the main character. Take up your sword and save her whilst we all stand around doing nothing.

Romeo: Got it.

Romeo runs after Juliet.

Romeo: Juliet!

Ophelia: Stay back, boy- she’s mine now!

Ophelia kisses Juliet.

Romeo: JULIETTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued…

Reviewed this week: Baccano! 11, Clannad 4-5, Dennou Coil 20, Genshiken 2 5-6, Minami-ke 5-6, Moyashimon 3-4, Romeo X Juliet 22, SaiMono II 25-6, Shion no Ou 3-4

…and in manga: Tenshi Nanka Janai 29

Everything else to follow next week.

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Dennou Coil (1) – they’re coming to get you!
2. Oh! Edo Rocket (2) – I love this show!
3. Kaiji (3) – nice gambling boat
4. SaiMono II (4) – art thief
5. Baccano! (5) – there ain’t no getting offa this train we’re on
6. Minami-ke (7) – Ichigo Mashimaro II
7. Genshiken 2 (6) – secret otaku
8. Moyashimon (10) – cute microbes
9. Shion no Ou (9) – it’s a trap
10. Mokke (11)- magical cat
11. Sketchbook ~full color’S~ (12) – lots of cats
12. Clannad (13) – sad girls in springtime
13. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai (16) – Takano meets Hitler

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (-) – I’m in despair!
2. Tetsuko no Tabi (1)- is this ever going to be subbed?
3. Sisters of Wellber (2) – predictable but fun
4. Koutetsu Sangokushi (-) – pure HARD GAY
5. Shounen Onmyouji (3)- mediocre
6. Love GetChu! (4)- light entertainment
7. Romeo X Juliet (-) – WOOD

Baccano! 11: There’s more action, violence and plot development as Szilard makes his move against Maiza, Ladd and Chane continue their battle on top of the train, and Rail Tracer gets up to some rather blood-soaked experimentation with inflicting pain on Czeslaw, all packed into but a single episode of Baccano. The blood and body count seems to be rising all the time, but with everything else that is going on, this is far from senseless violence, and even though there’s the air of futility at being constantly stuck in a train arc, this series is remaining enjoyable overall.

Clannad 4-5: Nagisa is still determined to get the theatre club up and running, but until they get three actual members, the student council won’t even recognise it as an active group, which, unsurprisingly, is something of a setback. After Tomoya and various other named characters try to help, the story switches over to focus on Fuko, whose storyline is so similar to Ayu’s from Kanon that I can’t really bring myself to care about yet another spirit of a girl in a coma. All in all, then, the Clannad effect has completely failed to kick in, leaving me mildly interested but not moved to any extremes of emotion.

“They, like, totally used that in Kanon already!”

Dennou Coil 20: Why does this series ever have to end? When I watch it, nothing else matters (slight exaggeration, perhaps, but let’s go with it)- it truly must be the “best anime evar”. In this episode, Yasako, and ‘Aunty’ go after Haraken, who is somewhere on the mysterious other side, but can they make it before the authorities swoop in and perform a major reformat on the region? Even though this episode didn’t raise the awesomeness as much as previous instalments, it was still consistently good, leaving me desperate to spend much more time in the Dennou Coil universe.

Genshiken 2 5-6: If life imitates art, then anime must surely imitate parody at times, and indeed, Genshiken 2-5 is a perfect example of that. Taking a break from actual story development, the episode features Ogiue fantasising over Sasahara and Madarame having a HARD GAY relationship, complete with gasping sounds and awkward scenes that will ensure that the last thing you want are family members wandering in whilst you watch it. Nonetheless, this is the most entertaining filler episode ever, setting the scene for Ogiue’s desire to produce her own doujinshi.

Onwards to episode six, and it’s time the winter Comi-Fes, which an embarrassed Ogiue decides she must attend in disguise. Naturally, the usual sequence of events ensues when she gets recognised by old friends before bumping into the members of Genshiken, but despite the rather by-the-book nature of events, this is still a worthy entry in the series. I must finally get to reading the manga soon.

How not to fill in a CV.

Kaiji 6: Poor Kaiji- every time he gets a great idea that could end this arc, something else goes wrong. This time around, his plan to buyout all the papers in addition to the rocks founders when no one else wants to play his team, and thinks only get worse when Funai, the guy who scammed him way back in the beginning, decides to get even with his own counter-plot that could scupper Kaiji’s chances forever. I am enjoying the series, but I’m about ready to move onto a new arc now, so I hope this latest hiccup can be resolved soon- and that the slimy Funai gets everything he deserves.

Minami-ke 5-6: If, like me, you groan inwardly every time you hear the words ‘beach episode’, then you’ll be happy to learn that in this age where every anime cliché seems to have been done to death, it is still possible to find a good beach episode- and Minami-ke episode five is one such example. Never before has a visit to the beach been so entertaining, and in keeping with the standard set by the episode, the next instalment takes another worthy take on a tried and tested storyline. This time around, Chiaki’s classmate Makoto manages to annoy her so much that she refuses to invite him around anymore, forcing him to enlist Kana’s aid in posing as the female “Mako-chan” so that he can come to the Minami house and admire Haruka. If ever there was a worthy successor to Ichigo Mashimaro, this has repeatedly proven itself to be it.

Moyashimon 3-4: The influx of cute microbes continues in these two episodes, which begin by introducing a new female character who hates microbes and is obsessed with cleaning and antibacterial products, before moving onto detailed information about making sake (interesting if not especially useful). Next up is an episode which sees Sawaki and the other first years get started on their courses, and with their duties ranging from planting crops to getting up close and personal with the rear end of a cow, all I can say is that I’m glad I never wanted to study agriculture.

Oh my god, they misspelled its! I mean, oh my god, he has his hand in a cow!

Romeo X Juliet 22: The RxJ train is slowly pulling into the station as we get to the last few episode, and this time around the revolution that took so long to instigate grabs an amazingly easy victory against Montague, who pulls a number of amusing faces before being stabbed in the back (literally) by Mercutio. All that remains now is to get the series over with, really.

Saiunkoku Monogatari 25-6: My mixed feelings about SaiMono continue with these two episodes; it’s not that I don’t like what I’m seeing, but with each arc we seem to be going further and further away from the characters who were prominent early on, in favour of introducing yet more cast members- I miss the days when Kouyuu, Seiran, Shuuei and Ryuuki got more than snippets of screen time. Instead, this arc is more about Shuurei interacting with the new characters and learning the sad fact that idealism and hard work, which in principle should be enough to get along in life, is not enough to progress in the world of politics. Can Shuurei possibly learn the ways of tactics and manipulation, or will she retain her Achilles’ heel of naïveté? This is the kind of thing editorials are made from, so expect some random SaiMono thoughts to be thrown together in the near future.

Shion no Ou 3-4: Four episodes in, and it’s still clear that Shion no Ou isn’t entirely sure what it wants to be- one minute it’s in the middle of the murder mystery, with death threats, Shion regaining her memory and stereotypical policemen and reporters, and the next we’re in the middle of a shogi tournament with Shion facing our trap anti-hero. It’s not that I’m not enjoying it, it’s just slightly disconcerting watching what feels like two different series sandwiched together, whilst I have to admit that the shogi elements don’t grab me in the way that HnG’s Go and Akagi’s mah-jongg did.

MANGA

Tenshi Nanka Janai 29: It seems as if the time has come to sort out all the relationship issues for the supporting characters so that the last couple of volumes can focus on the leads and their angst, and so this time around the Takigawa love triangle is pretty much resolved, whilst all other minor characters suddenly express romantic desires in each other that ensure that everyone will ultimately be paired up nicely. If there’s one thing you can count on with this series, it’s that generic shoujo is the name of the game- from start to finish.

Tybalt: Juliet, I must have some kind of plot role to justify my existence- therefore I must insist that I be the one to kill Montague.

Juliet: Hatred and anger is wrong- the only way out of this situation is for me to become WOOD.

Tybalt: WOOD?

Juliet: Yes- and so I won’t be here to give Romeo STRAIGHT. Could you perhaps educate him in the ways of HARD GAY?

(Tybalt: Oh great- just what I wanted to hear.)

Juliet: Well, I’m off to become WOOD now…yes, I’m just on my way…don’t try to stop me…unless of course you really want to…I’m going now…in just a moment I’ll be gone for good…

Tybalt: See you.

Meanwhile, Romeo visits Portia.

Romeo: Hello Mother, I’m just off to kill Father.

Portia: Romeo, that isn’t a very heroic thing to do, is it? Why not let an unredeemable character like Tybalt do it instead?

Romeo: I probably won’t actually do it, of course, but it’s important for the hero to at least show up at the final boss battle.

Romeo leaves. Back home, Juliet dresses in red armour.

Emilia: Hey Juliet, I hope you’re not finished dressing as Odin- I like you best that way.

Cordelia: Why would she need to cross-dress now that everyone knows she’s a woman?

Emilia: I thought she was doing it for Pleasure reasons.

Juliet goes out to address her troops.

Juliet: Generics, go forth and spend your HP so I don’t have to!

Juliet and her allies have group HORSE on the way to Neo Verona Keep. Meanwhile, various denizens of the keep are fleeing.

Soldier: Shouldn’t we be doing something evil like killing them?

Tubal: What’s the point? The series is almost over and we’re bound to lose anyway. Let’s just put our feet up and collect our paycheque at the end of it.

Whilst everyone runs away, Mercutio drags himself along the corridors.

Mercutio: All I ever wanted was to be an important character! Now both generics and main characters hate me, and I have nowhere to go!

Meanwhile, Montague continues to sit in his villain’s chair.

(Montague: I regret nothing- if I had my time again, I would do everything exactly the same! Except this time, I wouldn’t let even a single grapevine escape my notice!)

Tybalt enters.

Tybalt: I’m here to initiate the pointless pre-final boss battle in which I must inevitably lose!

Montague: And, er, who are you again?

Tybalt: Montague- you are my father!

Meanwhile, Juliet and her allies confront Tubal and the Keep soldiers.

Juliet: We wanted to fight you, but to be honest we don’t have the time or budget for that now, so can we just skip to the part where you surrender to us?

Tubal: Yeah, sure, why not?

Tubal opens the Keep gates for Juliet and her increasingly badly drawn allies to enter. In the throne room, Romeo walks in as Tybalt attacks Montague.

Tybalt: Go away! I’m going to kill him!

Romeo: No way- I should be the one to kill him!

Montague: Damn you, grape lovers!

Juliet and the others enter.

Conrad: Wait a moment- save some for us!

Juliet: Everyone, he’s a boss and not worth any EXP! Let’s just exile him so that he can make up some evil schemes for the sequel- RxJ II: Montague Strikes Back.

Montague: I thought that, with a strong enough will, I could eradicate grapes, but it was not to be.

Montague swings his sword but does not strike anything. Then, from out of nowhere, Mercutio appears to stab him from behind with a poisoned grape juice soaked dagger.

Mercutio: This is the only way I can ensure that everyone remembers me!

(Romeo: Oh no- a random stranger just showed up and stabbed my father!)

Montague: I can feel the grape juice entering my body…it burns…

Montague collapses.

Mercutio: I did it! I’m a hero!

Tybalt: I don’t know who you are, but get out- this gathering is for named characters only.

Mercutio wanders away, laughing maniacally.

Montague: Why did things turn out this way? Where did I go wrong?

Montague dies.

To be continued…

Reviewed this week: Baccano! 6, Dennou Coil 15-16, El Cazador 23, Mononoke 8, Mushi-Uta 10, RxJ 20-1, SaiMono II 19, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 7, Seirei no Moribito 23, Shounen Onmyouji 18, Sisters of Wellber 9

…and in manga: Chokotto Sister 42-4, Tsubasa 167

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Dennou Coil (1) – the best of the best of the best, sir!
2. SaiMono II (2) – recap, damn it
3. Oh! Edo Rocket (3) – bizarre yet fun
4. Baccano! (5) – I don’t know what’s going on, but I like it
5. Mushi-Uta (6) – best episode yet
6. Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (4) – I’m in despair!
7. Mononoke (7) – incense
8. Darker than Black (8) – caring at minimum
9. Doujin Work (9) – this is becoming a guilty pleasure
10. Koutetsu Sangokushi (10) – pure HARD GAY
11. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai (11) – evil uncle
12. Seirei no Moribito (12) – Flashback Mode
13. Romeo X Juliet (13) – what’s the point anymore?
14. El Cazador de la Bruja (14) – useless Nadie

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Tetsuko no Tabi (2)- demoted to slow
2. Sisters of Wellber (3) – predictable but fun
3. Shounen Onmyouji (1)- now getting its own musical!?
4. Love GetChu! (4)- light entertainment

Baccano! 6: You’d think I’d have some idea of what was going on in this series by now, but with each passing episode I actually have less of a grasp of what’s meant to be happening. This time around, there is a confrontation and some bloodiness on the train, before catching up with various other characters such as Ennis and the past adventures of Isaac and Miria. I wish I could say more, but my grasp of events in this series is slipping away, even though my enjoyment remains consistent.

Dennou Coil 15-16: Dennou Coil, no matter how many times I pledge my worth to you in these paragraphs, it isn’t enough, so let me once again dedicate my life to serving as your high priestess. I now feel unworthy for even fearing that the series could not continue to outdo itself, for in this pair of episodes the bar is raised once again, as we learn more about old space, 4423 and the deepening twists and mysteries of the Dennou world. Both Yasako and the deceased Kanna could use a power called Imago to detect old space- but was that the reason Kanna died? Is it true that those who go too far into old space and remove their glasses lose their souls along with their Dennou bodies? Is there any reason why I can’t visit the reality of this most excellent anime? I want to know and watch everything this series has to offer, but at the same time, I never want it to end.

El Cazador de la Bruja 23: There is a fairly well-known quote that goes “Parsifal – the kind of opera that starts at six o’clock and after it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6:20” and with a few changes here and there, this saying could surely be used for El Cazador. Every five minute interval of this show stretches into eternity, until it seems as if it must surely never end before you expire and quit this earth once and for all. Anyway, somehow this episode was completed, in which Ellis heals Nadie’s HP, Blue Eyes offers plenty of exposition, and Rosenberg takes a plane to the final boss location (begging the question as to why he didn’t just fly there with Ellis in the first place). Watching this is a pain, but I’m going to love ranting about it in due course.

Mononoke 8: An interesting new arc begins in this episode, in which four men gather for an ‘incense battle’ in which correctly identifying various scents will win them the hand of the contest setter, Lady Ruri. When one of the men fails to show up, however, a certain medicine seller takes his place, in search of a Mononoke he believes is close by. Even disregarding the fact that there is more going on, the incense game in itself is interesting in its novelty- I almost want an Incense Battlers anime to come out.

Mushi-Uta 10: Our three leads have started finding out the truth about each other, and now it’s time for the revelations to continue as Rina discovers that Daisuke is actually Kakkou, whilst Shiika wonders if her status as a Host means that she should stay away from the people she cares about. Along the way, we learn more about the shadowy GARDEN (echoes of FF8, anyone?), learn that the evil bishie knew everything from the start and was trying to manipulate everyone, and witness a confrontation between Rina and Daisuke. The latter is somewhat predictable- why bother pitting main characters against each other when they are both protected from death status? Aside from this predictable turn of events, however, this is a generally good episode- roll on the finale and then season two.

Romeo X Juliet 20-1: As we approach the final stretch, the plot is finally moving in Romeo X Juliet, but naturally, it is a case of too little, too late. Whilst Juliet learns that she may have to become a tree to save the world, Romeo’s Harvest Moon dreams crumble to dust, forcing him to return home and confront the city-burning Montague. It all seems like an exercise in pointlessness, with time wasted on such trifling aside as “oh, by the way, Benvolio and Cordelia have been having a relationship off screen and are now getting married”, but it is a slight improvement on the long middle stretch.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II 19: After the disappointment of recap last week, SaiMono is slowly beginning to build into a new arc, introducing two new characters and seeing Yuushun sworn in as prime minister- complete with ten conditions designed to prevent the abuse of power. Once, Yuushun seemed like a mere one rung above generic, but with his ten resolutions he secures himself in the realms of 1337, whilst the new characters also look interesting, even if the cast is getting a little unmanageable by this point.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 7: As a mere gaijin, I felt unable to get the best out of this episode- whereas the many references of this type of show don’t usually bother me, this time around I floundered a little and was unable to appreciate much of the humour. Fortunately, whilst the doujinshi scene and the later part with the pi prodigy and other people being lauded didn’t do much for me, I did gain a measure of entertainment from the coloured chicks (nice PPD reference there). I hope I’m not going off this series, but perhaps I just need to reschedule when I watch it to reduce distraction.

Seirei no Moribito 23: Last episode, I barely noticed when all of winter passed in the space of a few minutes, but this time around I tried to be ever so slightly more engaged as the parade of dullness marched on. Whilst Chagum grows up enough to start wearing a new costume, the Tanda x Balsa angle is played a bit more (leave it alone, please, it’s too late for that now) before something finally happens when Shuga and the others find Chagum in time to help defend against La Lunga’s attack. I have to admit the closing scene was one of the more engaging parts for a while, but really by now I just want to get it over with.

Shounen Onmyouji 18: A rather pointless episode this time around, in which Masahiro’s previously unmentioned older brother and his family are menaced by a baboon demon, and Mokkun starts acting strangely- simply because he doesn’t like children. Although it initially appears to be the start of a new arc, this episode ends up being a standalone story, and one so pointless that you have to wonder at its inclusion. The only thing of note is the proper introduction of another Spirit Summon, Kouchin, but this series really needs a second season.

Wellber no Monogatari ~Sisters of Wellber~ 9: it’s an entirely predictable episode this time around, with Tina making a promise to stop stealing, only for a female thief to show up soon after. Naturally, we in the audience know that Tina is innocent, but Rita cannot help suspecting her on the weight of some apparently damning evidence. It’s all content we’ve seen before, but staying in this sort of safe territory is what makes Wellber a decent piece of light entertainment.

MANGA

Chokotto Sister 42-44: Over the last few chapters, it’s been tempting to assume that the mangaka had grown up a little and thrown out the fanservice in favour of a proper slice-of-life/romance combination, but alas, it seems he ran out of ideas and reverted to type in this chapter, which introduces new nipple shots and a new character in the form of Haruma’s cousin. Having run away from home, said cousin promptly blackmails Haruma into letting her stay with him (after all, does he want his family to know he’s living with a little girl that ‘Santa’ gave him?), before establishing herself as the ‘forward’ harem member type. I’m not too enthralled about this new twist in events, but since chapters come through at a trickle, I shall keep reading.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 167: Okay, so in the last chapter Kurogane gave up his left arm so that everyone could get out of Celes (I totally missed that), and now he and Fye are in Nihon country with Tomoyo- and from the looks of things, Fye wants to end their HARD GAY relationship now that he knows Kurogane is secretly STRAIGHT for Tomoyo. In the meantime, Syaoran (whichever one it is) has just met with Watanuki, but why? What’s going on? Does the fact that we’re visiting the home worlds of the leads mean that the series is finally going to end? And if it does, how will CLAMP earn their money?

Ophelia: Yes, the time has come for you to have TREE with Escalus and thus turn into one yourself, proving the superiority of WOOD over mere flesh.

Juliet passes out, and awakens later by herself.

Juliet: Must I really sacrifice myself for the sake of a load of generics? Is becoming WOOD the answer?

Meanwhile, the city has been badly damaged. Mercutio addresses some soldiers.

Mercutio: Why are you all standing around? We need to prepare the bedchamber for the Grand Duke!

In the city, Francisco and Curio give HARD GAY to various generics.

Curio: Take all the injured ones away- we only want able men here!

Francisco: There are more men than I anticipated- this could be an all-nighter.

The first fires are spotted.

Francisco: Damn, now these fires are going to interfere with our Pleasure plans!

Curio: I’ll go and put them out at once- the only flames I need are ones of passion.

Romeo and Montague watch the spreading fires from the Keep.

Montague: Gwakaka, this will teach those grape lovers! Watch as your fruit burn!

Romeo: Father, are you really burning your own city?

Montague: Silence, fool! Those generics and their grape-stained fingers deserve it!

Romeo: Damn you! Even Darth Vader was a better father figure than you!

Tybalt watches the proceedings from his HORSE.

Tybalt: Hmm, we’re getting close to the end- I wonder if I’ll have any discernible plot role whatsoever.

As Mercutio and the soldiers set the city on fire with flaming HORSE, Romeo confronts them on his generic HORSE.

Romeo: You, whatever your name is, HORSE isn’t meant to be used for destruction! It is the ultimate form of Pleasure!

Mercutio: I’ll show you the ultimate Pleasure! Aerial HARD GAY!

Mercutio tries to give Romeo Sword, and they both plummet to the ground in the throes of HARD GAY.

Romeo: I don’t know who you are, but stop this madness at once!

Mercutio: You’ll never understand the pain of having so little screen time and development!

Romeo: If you’d just tell me your name, maybe I can help you.

Mercutio: Damn you! I’m off to find a series where I can shine!

Mercutio runs off. Meanwhile, Juliet is helping generics when Romeo swoops in on his HORSE to save a little girl from a falling keystone.

Romeo: Juliet, I have completely given up HARD GAY- all I want now is STRAIGHT with you.

Juliet: You were HARD GAY?

Romeo: Anyway, I have to go now- unspecified plot events and all. See you later.

Romeo runs off. After all the commotion is settled, Juliet meets up with her allies and they return to their base.

Conrad: Damn that Montague! Is he trying to set himself up as a final boss?

Francisco: We’ve spent twenty-one episodes doing barely anything- perhaps now is the time to take action.

Conrad: Yes, we must attack at once!

Meanwhile, Cordelia brushes Juliet’s hair.

Cordelia: You know, us supporting characters have had development too- for example, even though our relationship was barely starting out last time we were onscreen, now he wants us to live together!

Juliet: He does? Go for it!

(Cordelia: Damn, I shouldn’t have exaggerated so much- now I have to go through with it.)

The next thing we know, Benvolio and Cordelia are having a wedding ceremony.

(Juliet: I’m so happy that I feel like having a budget-saving Flashback Mode!)

We see brief clips of events throughout the series.

(Juliet: I’m sorry, Romeo, but it looks like I must offer myself up to WOOD at the end of the series. I hope you can be happy with HORSE and HARD GAY instead of STRAIGHT.)

To be continued…