The Higurashi Cookbook

With the numerous cookbooks and cooking shows on TV, it can be hard for novice chefs to know just where they should start. Worry no longer, however, for we have just the solution- in the form of the comprehensive and easy to use Higurashi Cookbook! And here on Tuesday Rumble, we have been given exclusive permission to reprint extracts from this, the newest contender on the culinary literature market.

• Now remember, when making snacks, be sure to push the needles in as far as they will go. The last thing you need is your hapless victims realising what they are about to bite into.
• Bitter-tasting poisons add a nice spice to the traditional bento box, and should be readily employed alongside more conventional sauces and flavourings.
• When preparing meat, be sure to use a nice, sharp cleaver. There’s nothing more rewarding than chopping it up into nice, small chunks. Also note that rare steak is in this season; the bloodier the better.
• The Oyashiro-sama platter requires extensive preparation, but once you get the knack of disembowelling the animal, you will be well on your way to preparing this most rare of delicacies.
• Don’t throw away those bits and pieces left over after a nice long torture session- toss them all into the pot and boil them all up for a tasty soup.

Pick up these and other handy food preparation tips in the Higurashi Cookbook- on sale now from all good retailers!

The Nice Boat Panel

Especially for this week’s Tuesday Rumble, we showed the ‘nice boat’ replacement for School Days 12 to a test audience, who were specifically told that this was the real final episode. Let’s see their reactions.

A: If you ask me, this was the best episode of the series, although I think the studio was quite bold to switch to entirely live action.

B: Yes, it certainly beats everything Gainax has come up with.

C: I don’t know about you guys, but I had a hard time making out the characters, who I assume were meant to be inside the boat.

B: What was that boat all about anyway? Was it meant to be a metaphor for something?

A: Of course it was! Couldn’t you see that it symbolised how the leads had thrown away their youthful innocence in favour of short-term gratification?

C: I thought it was a ferry taking Makoto across the Styx.

A: No, no, that’s way too obvious- you’ve got to look deeper.

B: Hey, you don’t think that this wasn’t actually the final episode of School Days, do you?

A: Don’t be stupid! This ending fits the series perfectly!

At this point, our panel is told the truth

A: Oh… [signs off]

B: Wow, the real ending has a nice boat too!

C: Which was the real ending again?

Sister of Wellber 8

“Give me HARD GAY!”

“Ah thank you, and what a worthy sword it is too.”

“It is completely alien to those of us who prefer men.”

“And now I suppose you want something in return for the HARD GAY.”

“Oh come on, we’ve had HARD GAY ever since we were children.”

“But since then, it’s been hard to find the time.”

“And now that you are carrying my child, you probably won’t want to do it too often.”

“You fool- my Sword is more than a match for yours even if I am pregnant!”

“Feel my Blade!”

“Oh yes, that’s good!”

“And now for the climax!”

“Ah yes, HARD GAY is truly for me- in fact, I hate women so much that I have started murdering them.”

Meanwhile, Tina is ready for some HARD YURI.

“Just get undressed already!”

“He fears that the Prince is overexerting himself, and that it may damage the baby.”

No mention of this series would be complete without a touch of HORSE.

Random Thoughts: Alphonse Elric

This week we talk to Al of Fullmetal Alchemist! Al, how did you feel when you landed your breakout role- and were then told that you’d be spending the series as a suit of armour?

Well, of course it wasn’t quite what I imagined, but sometimes you have to take a chance and work with what you’re given. I think it turned out well overall, and it’s certainly made me a household name, even if no one ever seems to buy my merchandise. I mean come on people, please at least get one of my die-cut key rings.

Did you ever think of using your uniqueness to your advantage to land roles in other series as a mech?

It’s funny that you should ask that, because I did go on Utawarerumono for a bit- I was Kuuya’s Avu Kamuu, and the guys from Lab 5 played Hien and Hau’s armours. You might have also spotted me on Busou Renkin, but I didn’t want to take too many roles because there’s always a danger of being typecast.

Ah yes, of course. Do you think you’ll ever go down the armour route again, or are you happy in your own body?

I’m very happy with my work as a suit of armour, but in my mind that’s over and done with now. I want to see what I can do with my own strength, instead of being picked because I happen to be large and metallic.

Did you ever think it was more than coincidence that come rain or shine, your blood seal never washed away?

I was worried about that at first, and because the producers wanted that emotion in my performance, they never really reassured me. I think it really honed my performance, but in retrospect I realise they wouldn’t let one of their stars get killed on set.

And finally, do you have any juicy secrets about Ed that you’d like to reveal to us?

Nii-san would kill me if I said anything!

This Week in Anime

“Friends, I am here to save you.”

“I know I suggested experimenting with Mallet, but this isn’t quite what I had in mind.”

“Tea!? I hate tea!”

Note the cross-shape on the cat’s face, a clear indication of a Mikoto-type.

“So anyway, like I was saying- these apples are nutritious and delicious!”

A new Fruit Alliance is formed.

Anime World Tour: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni

Welcome to Hinamizawa, a quiet 1980s village perfect for taking a relaxing break from the stress of modern city life! Enjoy the sights and sounds of this unique village, and stay for our annual Watanagashi festival, featuring good food, good fun and dancing from our own Furude Rika! Visit Hinamizawa now, and enjoy wholesome fun for everyone!

Please note: in most a scant handful of insignificant realities, there is a chance that you may get bloodily murdered by the psychotic residents. We are required by law to warn you of this, but in truth the risk is very real minimal and will most likely end in your death not affect your stay.

OST spotlight: Makai Kingdom

As I said yesterday, Makai Kingdom was bereft of the input of composer Tenpei Sato, but whilst this makes it weaker than the average NIS game soundtrack, it isn’t as bad as everyone makes out. Admittedly, there’s a lot of looping and stretches of filler tracks, but nonetheless the music manages to retain that quirky Netherworld atmosphere, and it even tosses in some catchy action themes along the way. It’s perfect music for easy background listening- not worthy of the bulk of your attention, but a nice accompaniment to whatever work you may be doing at the time.

Notable tracks: The Devil’s Entrance, Darkness Darkness, Alexander the God of Destruction, Makai Fusion, Quiet Tension

Mini-rant: Answering back to Answerman

Answerman has angried up my blood for a long time, but never before did I feel compelled to write about it- until today (or rather last week, but I ran out of time). He’s always been grumpy, grouchy and inclined to jump down the throats of people who dare to disagree with him and the Great ANN-ADV Alliance, but finally the balance has been tipped by ill-timed venturing onto the forums. Like a troll with the power and right to be there, Answerman moves between threads, ready to spread sarcastic comments wherever he goes. Now personally, I couldn’t care less whether not his opinion coincides with mine- what really gets on my wick, so to speak, is the way he so takes against anyone who doesn’t appreciate that he is right and all-knowing. Worse yet, whenever he writes a filler column revisiting old questions and answers, he routinely admits that he either lied or didn’t know what he was talking about- quite ironic for someone who puts himself on such a pedestal.

Anyway, for the good of all I tend not to read Answerman anymore, but I just had to write this self-indulgent little rant, and now let us imagine Answerman’s reply were he to read this-

“Oh whoop-de-do, I got flamed by some wannabe writer from an insignificant blog at the back end of the internet- I really will be losing sleep tonight! Go and get a life, sister- you don’t like me, deal with it. And don’t put words into my mouth, you aren’t the remotest bit funny.”

In Your Reflection

This week, we see a head-to-head between two black and white pairs of creatures- the Mokonas from Tsubasa/xxxHOliC and the Usas from Magical Pokan. Both are paired magical creatures with special abilities and a generally laid back attitude, although the Mokonas are somewhat more impressive in that they can talk, move items between dimensions and even have their own plushies.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: Romance of the Three Kingdoms Goes Hentai

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Amusing Spam

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That just about covers it, then.

RPG Maker: Perfect Edition

As we all know, the best edition of RPG Maker would be one that could read your mind and create a game based on your imagination, but in the meantime, let’s come up with a few ideas that would make RPG making easier.

• Tilesets and resources for numerous different settings, including modern, futuristic, Japan, period Europe, India, Middle Eastern and Native American.
• Full support for 2D, 3D and isometric games.
• A selection of battle systems covering almost every RPG, action RPG, platformer, fighting game and simulation game imaginable.
• Read made animations for every sort of physical and magical attack.
• Numerous pre-made events, as well as more move options that actually work.
• Fully customisable message windows (with minimal effort and scripting).
• Inbuilt support for summon monsters and exotic job classes.

Fist of the Blue Sky

Observe the muscular MANLINESS.

Sakura petals are always a sign of HARD GAY.

“No, you don’t put the Cane there!”

“We can surely fit in some HARD GAY.”

“Did you know you can get high on chalk?”

MANLY affection.

“I’ve never had Finger before!”

“We haven’t reached a climax yet!”

“It is called a condom.”

MANLY affection, redux.

“They all have dirty minds!”

Short parody: Tokyo Mew Mew A La Mode

Berry is introduced.

Berry: Hello, I’m Berry! I’m the new main character now that Ichigo is gone!

Tasuku: And I’m Tasuku, the obligatory love interest!

Berry: Now, there was too much angst last time because the main guy didn’t know the lead was a magical girl, so you might as well find out straightaway.

Tasuku: Berry, shut up- stories like this need angst!

Berry: Oh well, let’s angst over the fact that we both want to become more than childhood friends.

Mint etc: Hey, what about us? We went through seven volumes with hardly any development and now we’re getting shafted too!

Zakuro: Looks like it- they’re even making us all randomly transfer to Berry’s school.

Pudding: This makes no sense anymore!

Berry: Shut up- you’re destined to be supporting characters forever!

(Kish: At least you got page time.)

The new enemy, the Saint Rose Crusaders, arrive.

Saint Rose Crusaders: Gwakaka, we are the new evil! We have many members, but absolutely no development, and no reason to exist!

Ichigo returns.

Ichigo: I heard someone was taking over as main character! I can’t let that happen, so I’m back!

The Saint Rose Crusaders commence their evil plan.

Saint Rose Crusader #1: I’ve come up with a most excellent plan! First, I’ll use subliminal messages to make everyone love Tokyo Mew Mew, and then I’ll change the messages so that they all hate them instead!

Saint Rose Crusader #2: Why don’t we just skip straight to the part where we make everyone hate them?

Saint Rose Crusader #1: Shut up! Why do you have to ruin everything with common sense?

The evil plan is put into place, and generics start shouting abuse at the Mew Mews.

Berry: No, this is wrong! Power of Love!

Ichigo: Who are you, Flonne?

Mint: Look, the power of love is affecting everyone!

Generics: I feel love for everything!

Saint Rose Crusader Leader: Damn, my pointless and ineffectual plans were completely pointless and ineffectual! Now I see that love is the answer!

The end.

This Week in Anime

\r\nAnyone can make up for small size with a giant wang-shaped desk.\r\n\r\n

“The Apocalypse is coming- I must gather lettuces!”

“Why do you never consider the feelings of these apples and pears?”

“Quick oranges, get into the box- this is an apple-only town!”

“Your apples pass the inspection.”

“They do?”

“Flying apple- go!”

“Such attacks do not faze me.”

“Exquisite.”

“Get that HORSE ready pronto!”

September Anime Awards

The “I pledge my soul to you” award for best anime ever goes to Dennou Coil, which only improves with every passing week.

The golden tanuki award for interesting new characters goes to SaiMono, for successfully introducing two more personalities into an already rather large cast.

The “this show has everything” award goes to first-time award winner Oh! Edo Rocket.

The “I don’t understand it but I like it anyway” award for confusing plot is awarded to Baccano! for the second month in a row.

The “I’m in Despair!” award for lack of subs goes to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, although a slow catch-up is beginning.

The Second Monthly Ultimate Boredom Beyond Any Boredom Experienced Before award is given to El Cazador, although Seirei is trying hard to regain the trophy.

The second stylish supernatural horror award goes to Mononoke, which far surpasses its predecessor.

The “it all went downhill” award for inducing a complete lack of caring goes to Darker than Black.

The pointless episode award goes to Shounen Onmyouji episode eighteen for its lack of relevance to the main plot.

OST spotlight: Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex Be Human

Stand Alone Complex is known for its excellent music, but this CD takes a rather unique approach by focusing on so-called “Tachikoma themes”, such as those from Tachikoma Days. As well as a predominance of beeps, dial tones and the like, the CD covers a wide variety of tracks, from pseudo-classical to samba carnival and even a theme that wouldn’t sound out of place as Bleach OP. The result is a somewhat quirky mixed bag that can be rather hit-and-miss, but which will still be a necessary purchase for SAC and Yoko Kanno fans.

Notable tracks: Be Human, Trip City, Rocky wa Dokko?, Spotter

Reverse Harem of the week: Ichigo Momomiya (Tokyo Mew Mew)

Part-time catgirl, café-worker and defender of the Earth, Ichigo nonetheless had the time to accrue a harem worthy of any magical girl.

Harem

Masaya Aoyama: The “main guy”; Ichigo loved him from the start but nonetheless had to go through the usual phases of angst due to hiding her magical girl identity.

Ryou Shirogane: The cool and calm genius; usually rude to Ichigo but nonetheless goes out of his way to protect her.

Blue Knight: A mysterious warrior who appears to save Ichigo- could he be someone close to her?

Kish: One of the invading aliens, a cheeky prankster with a soft spot for Ichigo.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: Romance of the Three Kingdoms Goes Hentai, you toube star wars

danny phantom anime: Aside from the fact that it’s a US cartoon, how did such a search even reach this blog?

fate/stay night review otaku: Only otaku can be trusted to review Fate.

hentai ad libs: Just make it up as you go along- “oh yes!”.

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demonic skulls: I prefer Prism and Galaxy Skulls myself.

manga flames: Manga about flames, or people flaming manga?

waiting… for something that might not: …show up in a Google search.

hentai, manga, download, blog, September: Some people want it all.

how many claymore manga are there: One- it’s called Claymore.

grow fruit in “rpg maker xp”: This is going to be one exciting game.

fat anime: I prefer fat cats.

“trick flower” episode: Who knew Harvest Moon flowers had their own episode?

pleasure shadow gay: I am unfamiliar with SHADOW GAY.

ZIPANG MOVIE+OVA: There’s an anime and manga, but no movie and OVA.

Amusing Spam

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It’s hard, you know- I just feel so strongly about fountains and gardens.

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If it’s classified, how am I supposed to read it?

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Now this is what spam should be about- simple and direct.

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The normal everyday fellow would might feel that spending the time to acquire information on this matter is a waste of time….”

True, for he probably won’t become a muscleman.

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Everyone, spread the word! Anime image!

“There have been many blogs in my mind which allowed you to ponder upon sundry types of thing which you will be at,though not now.I guess such types of blogs should be raised in blog world including this one.”

This guy listens to the blogs in his mind, and they tell him what to do. Just fyi, this comment was for penis enlargement, and somehow got past Spam Karma 2.

Shounen Onmyouji X Dennou Coil

An unlikely pairing, perhaps, but this crossover was suggested with but one aim in mind- the alliance of Isako and Kazane. Whilst Isako takes the role of chief villain in the series, Kazane becomes her loyal underling, and together the two girls achieve the one thing most villains cannot- they actually manage to take over the world. Can anyone stand against the combination of futuristic encoder techniques and the onmyou magic of historical fantasy? Find out on Dennou Onmyouji, aka Shounen Coil!

Ridiculous gaming challenges

• Final Fantasy 7: Complete game with initial equipment, no materia and if possible no item use or levelling up.
• Final Fantasy 8: Complete game with no junctioning, weapon remodelling or advanced limit breaks (i.e. ones that require special items or weapon upgrades to learn).
• Disgaea: Complete game with only story characters and prinnies, or for an added challenge, only prinnies.
• Phantom Brave: Complete game with only Marona- no confining allowed. Weaker gamers may heal and buy weapons on the island.
• Ratchet and Clank: Complete games with only the wrench, except where a specific weapon or gadget is absolutely necessary to advance the series.
• .hack: Complete all four games with Kite alone (with initial equipment), except for when other characters must come along to advance the story. For added challenge, do not use items or skills, and only save at the end of each game. Grunties are not allowed.
• Final Fantasy Tactics: Complete game with only story characters and the generics you are given at the beginning of the game; or better yet, with only Ramza and guest characters (you may bring out one more character when two squads are needed). No class changes are allowed.
• Final Fantasy X: Complete game without using the Sphere Grid at all. Summons are not allowed.
• Final Fantasy X-2: Complete game with default dresspheres.
• Legend of Dragoon: Complete game without Additions or Dragoon transformations.

Shining Tears X Wind 9

Of course you can, that’s the essence of HARD GAY.

“I’ll have sex with anything that’s got a pulse!”

“Take my giant Sword!”

Ah, another suggestive title.

When Fruit Attack

First a pineapple launches its assault.

“Counterattack!”

“Don’t tell me it’s embarrassing to be seen fighting fruit!”

“See how you like it!”

Bananas rise up for the second wave.

“We’re sick of being in so many banana peel jokes! How do you think we feel when the poor sap treads on us?”

“…even these fruit are deadly.”

Random Thoughts: Liu Bei

Following our exclusive interview with Zhuge Liang, we were given the chance to talk to Liu Bei himself! Liu Bei, how do you respond to accusations that your role in the Three Kingdoms era has been exaggerated to make you seem more righteous?

How dare you even suggest that my adventures in the novel and ROTK anime are less than one hundred percent realistic!? They are an exact portrayal of honourable and righteous nature, for I, Liu Bei, can do no wrong!

You did spend rather a lot of time in ROTK running away, though.

It’s called strategy- were I a lesser man, I would call you an asinine fool right now, but I am too kindly for that.

Ah yes, of course- but if you are indeed as honourable as you claim, why did you dash your son to the ground after Zhao Yun went to the effort of rescuing him?

I can make any number of children, but Zhao Yun is the one of a kind lover no man wants to surrender easily. Ah, the nights spent impaled on his Spear- good times, good times.

Okay then, moving on- why do you look so much like a girl in Koutetsu Sangokushi? Are you in fact meant to be a woman in that series?

Look, I’ll level with you- the royalties from Dynasty Warriors aren’t all that great now that there are so many playable characters, and my last steady employment was in a 1991 anime. If I’m getting paid, then I’ll wear any costume- even chest padding and a pink afro.

And finally- is Zhuge Liang really all that Zhuge?\r\nHe’s Zhuger than you can imagine.\r\n\r\n

This Week in Anime

Tomato suffers unfortunate fate.

Plush prinnies spotted.

Vegetables have a conference.

“Which vegetables should I choose?”

“Let’s go with these Sunrise-grown magic mushrooms!”

“Get your nondescript red fruit here!”

Darker than Black- an equal opportunities advertiser for fast food franchises.

No matter who or what you are, fruit is always watching you.

“Yeah, I caught these oranges trying to sneak in to our home.”

A new record is set for coffee milk drinking.

Anime World Tour: Koutetsu Sangokushi

Journey back to a very unique interpretation of 3^rd century China, one which will let you view your beloved Three Kingdoms era in a whole new light. In this alternate world, women have been replaced with good looking and virile young men, all seeking to get in bed with each other- and what’s more, they even have special magic devices to enhance their HARD GAY! Whether you fancy the flower gardens of Wu, the castle pleasure boats of Wei, or the gentle riversides or Shu, we have settings and men to suit every single taste! Sadly, however, we cannot admit women into our Pleasure paradise- please apply elsewhere.

OST spotlight: Final Fantasy X

Nobuo Uematsu is joined by two other composers on this soundtrack, resulting in a score that is “the same but different” as compared to its predecessors- the FF feel remains, but now there is a higher proportion of bold brass-led themes, and even an attempt at heavy metal. It is in the more introspective pieces that the OST does its best, however, with some simple yet memorable piano pieces standing out from the crowd. A fitting soundtrack to mark how FFX made the transition to a new console whilst retaining links to what had come before.

Notable tracks: To Zanarkand, Normal Battle, Summoned, Silence Before the Storm, The Splendid Performance, Brass de Chocobo, Attack, Path of Repentance, Suteki da ne, Decisive Battle, Ending Theme

Mini-editorial: spoiled by subs?

Although it may seem unfashionable to dig up that old subs vs. dubs issue, this week I want to follow on from the comments here to ask if an increased exposure to subbed anime lowers one’s tolerance for dubs, and if one can (or would even want to) go back.

Now, back in the early years of my proper anime addiction, slow internet at home and university rules on peer-to-peer programs meant that fansubs were neglected, leaving DVDs and TV broadcasts as my primary form of exposure. Back in those days, I would happily watch most dubs with little complaint, only switching to Japanese audio on the second viewing for DVDs.

In time, however, all that changed- combined exposure to fansubs and some awful dubs (Tenjho Tenge, for one), saw me switching to the Japanese audio immediately, to the point where it seemed wrong to even accidentally hear a line of English audio. Voice acting which had once been acceptable or even pleasing to the ears was now grating and painful to experience, and the thought of watching English language broadcasts on TV nigh untenable. Somehow, it didn’t seem so bad when playing games, but anime was now to be experienced in Japanese only.

Ultimately, then, are Japanese voice actors so much better than their English counterparts that listening them is akin to tasting fresh bread after years of stale toast, preventing one from ever going back? Is it just that the budget for dubbing anime is too low to allow for higher standards to be achieved? Do we get so tired of the same old set of voices that we simply cannot countenance hearing them over and over? Is it just better to always listen to things in their original language where possible (after all, would anyone want to try the likes of The Simpsons in Japanese for more than novelty purposes?).

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between two mysterious red-haired bishies- Toya from Ceres, Celestial Legend and Mansairaku from the Tokyo arc of Otogi Zoshi. Both have a romantic connection with the female lead, and start off assisting her (or simply appearing) in the background before stepping forward to take a more active role in the plot.

Amusing Search Terms

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“anime blog” “captured”: “Bad news, sir, we have been captured by the enemy and forced to blog only boring shows!”

Amusing Spam- now rated R

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Useless Gaming FAQ Advice

Picture the scene- you’re so hideously stuck on a game that you just have to refer to a FAQ (or you’re just lazy), but instead of the detailed strategies you were hoping for, there is a statement so blatantly obvious it need never have been written in the first place. Here are some examples of the sort of frustratingly useless gaming advice you wish you’d never read.

• In this battle, what you need to do is beat the boss if you want to win.
• If your hero is at level 99, this battle will be easier than it would have been at level 50.
• If you’ve completed every optional quest and spent eighty hours levelling up, this battle will be easy; otherwise it will be impossible. Good luck.
• In order to defeat this enemy, just keeping attacking it until its HP reaches zero.
• This battle is very difficult, but if you keep trying, you will eventually win.
• If you get game over, you will have to reload and try again.

Final Fantasy Tactics: A remake for the 21^st century

As you may or may not know, there is now a PSP remake of Final Fantasy Tactics featuring various tweaks for the gameplay and character, but let’s ignore that and imagine how we could remake the enjoyable yet often hard FFT into something more suited for the “dumbed down” modern gamer.

• Increase party limit from five to fifteen, with the ability to switch characters in and out of battle at will or if a character dies. The maximum number of recruitable characters is now 99.
• When attacked, your characters have a 100% chance of dodging the attacking and countering with a deathblow.
• Skills are easier to learn, and everyone can have simultaneous access to every skill.
• Enemies never counterattack, and whilst they are affected by terrain, all of your characters are immune to such hindrances.
• There is no longer a time delay when allies cast magic, but enemies take at least ten turns to cast.
• Auto-Life, Auto-Regen and Auto-Reflect are switched on for every boss battle.
• New characters start at the same level as the main character, regardless of when they are recruited.
• Enemy levels scale with yours, so that they are always twenty levels below you.
• Shops give away items for free.
• If your party is wiped out, they are immediately revived, whilst the enemy units take damage equal to the HP used to revive them.

Mobile Suit Gundam

Someone has a rather large ego.

“Damn him! Now I might actually have to do something!”

(”I can’t believe they’ve replaced the bartender with a guy on a screen- talk about cost cutting.”)

“Everyone, let’s play Yu-Gi-Oh!”

“Don’t you think that’s going a bit overboard?”

“…and I know it!”

“We totally didn’t borrow this design from Star Trek.”

“It’s not supposed to break down- I’m the main character!”

Someone forgot to draw in the pupils…

…but with a bit of editing, it’s all better.

Random Thoughts: Zhuge Liang

This week we talk to Zhuge Liang, historical figure and star of both the ROTK anime and Koutetsu Sangokushi! Zhuge, would you like to talk a bit about your roles in both series?

Well, in ROTK I didn’t come in until later, but that was just to stop viewers from being overcome by my awesomeness. Once I started taking an active role, ratings really soared- and for good reason. All-in-all, I’m glad we were able to bring viewers such a historically accurate account of the Three Kingdoms era.

In Koutetsu, we’re trying to do something a bit different, with emphasis on my superiority, greatness and inexplicable magical powers. Basically, the idea behind the series is just to hire as many good looking men for me to sleep with as possible, and then ad-lib a script whenever we’re filming.

Is it true that you’re all-knowing, or are you just putting it on for the cameras?

How dare you even ask such a thing!? Of course I am all knowing- I am Zhuge Liang, son of God!

Out of your many partners, who is best in the bedroom?

It’s so hard to choose- I mean you’ve got Lu Xun’s youthful and innocent vigour, which is nice, but then there are times when you just want Pleasure with an experienced lover like Zhou Yu who knows exactly how to give you what you want.

How do you justify the complete lack of women in Koutetsu Sangokushi?

Women are unimportant- I only desire MEN.

And finally, how do you feel about your name now being as a synonym for “Huge Wang”?

It seems appropriate, given my mighty size. Would you like to see it?

Uh, I think I’ll pass.

This Week in Anime

Even though it’s meant to be Yeager, from certain angles it looks like Kevin Keegan.

The Pizza Hut invasion continues in Darker than Black.

Mao certainly seems to be getting fat on Pizza Hut.

Fruit is never far from the action.

Some people will do anything for sweet, sweet peaches.

Grapes infiltrate the Great Refrigerator.

HARD GAY corner: Lodoss War TV

On his continuing quest for HARD GAY, Parn hones his Sword skills and takes on lovers both old and new, from King Kashue and the well-endowed Ashram, to “berserker in the bedroom” Orson and “master of Staff” Cecil. Meanwhile, in the land of Flaim, a young knight-in-training named Spark practises HARD GAY from a young age, eventually growing up enough to be able to take partners such as “rough and ready” Garrack and “quietly Zhuge” Aldonova. In a surprise turn of events, however, Spark heralds the emergence of a new era by turning BI and also including women in his party, forcing Parn to return to the story and show the young man that Sword is always best.

OST spotlight: Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex OST 2

Yoko Kanno showcases her talent at jazz composition in this soundtrack, my favourite of all the SAC OSTs to be released so far. Whilst not every track is on the mark (one in particular consists of what sounds like bees buzzing an anthem), when the powerful strains of origa’s Rise or one of the many other powerful vocal themes are reached, all weaknesses can be forgiven.

Notable tracks: Rise, I Can’t Be Cool, Psychedelic Soul, What’s it For, Living Inside the Shell

Mini-rant: Scanlators and e-Liangs

Inspired by this post, I decided to construct a self-serving rant of my own about the difficulty of “acquiring” manga from certain scanlation groups. Now, perhaps I should become less lazy and get on with improving my Japanese to a point where I can tackle the manga raw, maybe I should bow and scrape to the people who translate series I wouldn’t be able to read otherwise, but the real annoyance is- if you’ve gone to the trouble of releasing manga (presumably for fans to read), why make it so difficult to get hold of? I don’t mind going into IRC, or having to wait a few days- what I do mind is being asked to make n posts on a forum I have little to no interest in. If I wanted to post on your forums, I would be doing so already, and I don’t take kindly to being forced to do so.

In short, someone who is illegally scanning and translating manga doesn’t really have much ground with which to feel superior to the leechers they are doing it for- and if you aren’t doing it for said leechers, don’t bother to even advertise the fact that you’ve made such a release for everyone to see.

Reverse Harem of the week: Miaka Yuki (Fushigi Yugi)

When she went to another world, she was quick to amass bishounen to protect her, with her chirpy personality proving oddly attractive to them all.

Harem

Tamahome: The main guy and one she eventually ends up, their relationship went through a lot of angst before finally overcoming even the plot.

Hotohori: The emperor and second man, Hotohori adored Miaka and even challenged Tamahome for her, but eventually settled for an offscreen role with an abruptly introduced wife.

Nuriko: A cross-dresser who developed a crush on Hotohori, he nonetheless eventually admitted that the male part of his personality loved Miaka, causing him to make the ultimate sacrifice for her.

Chichiri: A priest and magic user with a dark past; not romantically attracted to Miaka but still one of her destined bishounen.

Tasuki: A hot-headed bandit who claimed to hate women until his hidden feelings for her were exposed by an enemy spell.

Mitsukake: A quiet doctor who lost his beloved in a plague; not romantically attracted to Miaka but still one of her destined bishounen.

Chiriko: A genius shota; not romantically attracted to Miaka but still one of her destined bishounen.

Amiboshi: A member of the enemy sent to infiltrate the destined bishounen; later in the story he wants Miaka to drop out of the plot and live with him forever.

Rivals

Yui: Miaka’s best friend turned rival and enemy, she tries to steal Tamahome from her at one point in the plot.

Suboshi: His devotion to both Yui and his brother caused him to violently attack and pursue Miaka.

Soi: Her love for Nakago made her jealous when he revealed his plan to steal Miaka’s virginity

Tomo: See above.

Nakago: He became determined to steal away everything important to Miaka, from her boyfriend to her virginity.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourite: you toube sex

fat cats: yay, somewhere out there is another supporter of flabby felines.

suikoden nude: a naked disc, bereft of packaging.

O AND I CANT DIE I HAVE AZURE INSIDE OF: this makes no sense whatsoever.

Marimite Hard Panda: The correct terminology is not Hard Panda, but merely PANDA.

“my bikini”: Coming soon from the folks at Sunrise- Mai-Bikini, a tale of fanservice and swimsuit episodes.

hentai rumble: School Rumble, 18+ version.

Happy Sangokushi: Don’t worry, be happy.

manga bleach guys action pictures: When has this blog ever covered Bleach?

Suikoden Hentai Free: Some people just never want to pay.

romeo x juliet only 19 episodes?: Then why are episodes 20-21 up at Random Curiosity?

fat stay night: Not to be confused with Fate/Stay Night, Fat Stay Night is the tale of seven obese people and their battle to lose weight.

papillion hard gay: Yep, he is.

Amusing Spam

“where get cheap ringtones for cellular one customers info cheap ringtones for cellular one customers info ?

Wow!!! Good job. Could I take some of yours triks to build my own site?”

I don’t know what my ‘triks’ are, but they don’t come cheap.

“We are immensely pleased that you have found our web page about houses for sale….”

I did? When was that?

“diet does k special work…

I don‘t agree with you in 100%, but you have covered some good points regarding this topic….”

I had to, for K Special is such a neglected topic compared to Special K.

“Hi

Your home page its great

G”night”

Short and to the point.

“anime image boards…

Cheers – I have a special offer for this site and the users….”

If it’s to stop spamming my blog, then I accept.

“Priscella seem ten time clare level how will she deal.?” From this immortal comment would evolve the idea for Claymore: Blackjack version, in which Clare must face off against Priscilla in a no holds barred game of cards! Claymore Blackjack isn’t like the ordinary game, however, because when you lose, you have to give up a limb! Join Clare as she defeats Yoma with the power of twenty-one, and discover the real reaon why episode twenty-two is called “bust”!

Tips for using Beyblade to take over the world

A few months ago, I got some amusing Beyblade-related search terms, including one about the possibility of Beyblade taking over the world. Since this idea amused me, I decided it was best to put together some tips to help aspiring Beybladers overcome trivialities like political and military might in their bid to dominate the planet.

• You might think that it was best to at least buy as many Beyblades as possible, but doing so is not the right way to approach this- instead, you must buy a single Beyblade and work day and night on upgrading and improving it.
• Next, you must enter various Beyblade tournaments. By vanquishing under-tens in a children’s game, you will gain power and influence vital to your appearance on the world stage.
• Once you have made a name for yourself, you must open an academy to train prospective young Beybladers to become your loyal warriors. Don’t worry about giving them a balanced curriculum- no one will complain if they just Beyblade all day. Even their parents will not lift a finger, no matter how badly you treat their children.
• Once your warriors have won yet more Beyblading tournaments, you will be ready to claim your dominance over the planet. If anyone questions you, respond to their insolence with the force of a few tens of spinning tops.
• Sit back and relax as you enjoy your time in power- or alternately in the mental institution where you have just been taken for rehabilitation.

Camera Perv Redefined

“Hey, camera, I can always confide in you.”

“Humans are nothing- only my beloved camera is worthy.”

“People said it was unhealthy to love a camera this much, but what do they know?”

“Here’s how it goes- you place your Cannons in, and then remove them promptly.”

“Aagh, my Liang is gone!”

Short parody: Wellber so far

Rita goes on the run with Tina.

Tina: We can’t get anywhere with you looking like that.

Rita: Fine- I’ll cut my hair so that no one can recognise me!

Galahad: Wait up! I’m a named character, so you have to let me capture you!

Tina: Galahad, you cannot stand against the combined forces of HORSE and TANK!

Galahad: Aagh, I am defeated- but I will be back next week!

Rita ends up in a red light district, where she accidentally takes a job as a prostitute.

Rita: So we dress up nicely and sit and hold hands with the boys? Doesn’t seem too bad to me.

Mistress: You idiot- you’re supposed to have STRAIGHT with them!

Rita: I hate STRAIGHT- that’s why I stabbed my fiancé and ran off for HARD YURI! I must make a stand for women forced into STRAIGHT!

Prostitute: I wouldn’t bother, since you’re going to be leaving by the end of the episode, and we don’t even have names.

Rita: Good point- farewell.

Galahad pursues the leads to the border but is unable to stop them passing through.

Galahad: Damn it, foiled again! I’ll get you next time!

After everyone is separated in a blizzard, Rita and Galahad end up in a mountain lodge together.

Galahad: I hate you for killing my HARD GAY partner!

Rita: I can explain everything with Flashback Mode! He tried to force me to have STRAIGHT with him!

Galahad: I counter with cheerful flashbacks of our HARD GAY early days together, before he wore glasses!

Rita: Can’t you see- it was the glasses that made him evil!

To be continued…possibly.

This Week in Anime

Why have Cannon when you can have Guncannon?

The newest member of the Apple Affiliates reports in.

“Apple, what should I do?”

A shocking display of DOG is seen in public.

A sturdy HORSE is needed for advanced users.

“You were having HORSE!?”

A wall of generics is used to generate shielding.

“I may be a mere bookstore owner now, but if I sit in a chair and stroke a cat, I too can be a villain someday!”

Cabbages make a defensive formation.

OST spotlight: El Cazador de la Bruja OST 1

Yuki Kajiura’s latest work retains her usual style of lilting melodies, Celtic themes and a few faster paced action pieces, but this time round it just doesn’t have the same impact. It’s not so much that we’ve heard a lot of it before, but that the more original parts aren’t up to the level of Kajiura’s comfort zone tracks. The harmonica led Central American style themes may suit the setting of the series, but it sadly evokes the dry, dusty cactus-filled deserts that dominate this monotonously dull series. Kajiura fans will want it nonetheless, but I just can’t put it in the .hack/Tsubasa/Madlax/Noir bracket.

Notable tracks: Nadie, Hit it and Run!, El Cazador, Forest

Mini-editorial: Eye candy- embarrassing?

In our attempts to make anime seem a more respectable pastime, we may well wax lyrical about the depth and complexity of storytelling and character development, but is it “wrong” to be drawn to it by virtue of its visual appeal? Anime is, after all, a primarily visual medium, and so surely there can be nothing wrong with a healthy admiration for a well designed character, especially if your interests lie towards the artistic.

Naturally, there is a degree of folly in picking anime to watch due to their character designs alone (as well I know), but there seems to be a stigma attached to wholeheartedly appreciating the beautiful artwork and character designs that anime has to offer. To do so is shallow, say its detractors, but when sight is such an important sense to humans, there should be no embarrassment in drinking in a bit of eye candy. Artwork is not the be all and end all, but nor should it be discounted as meaningless.

In Your Reflection

This week, we examine a classical female partnership that has endured over many series- the feisty, loud and hotheaded redhead and her calmer purple haired sidekick, who is either quietly competent, a stuck-up alien princess, or both.

First up we have Excel and Hyatt from Excel Saga- Excel is the impulsive and incompetent leader of the partnership, whilst Hyatt is the quiet, self-effacing alien princess who gets things done in between periodically dying of a terminal illness.

Next up are Kei and Yuri from Dirty Pair Flash- once again, Kei is the impulsive one, whilst Yuri is calmer, a bit stuck up and more interested in dating than work.

The third pair is Éclair and Lumiere from Kiddy Grade in their default bodies- once again, Éclair is the action-orientated one of the pair, whilst Lumiere is the quieter backup.

Fourth up are Lina and Naga from the Slayers OVAs- this time round Lina is the more competent one, but Naga retains the selfish and stuck up attitude.

Finally, we have Najica and Lila from Najica Blitz Tactics- Najica is the confident and in charge one, but as an android Lila is quietly skilled.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: you toube sex

happy and anime: if you’re happy and…er, anime…clap your hands!

rpg maker XP side: Do not underestimate the power of the RPG Maker XP side.

animated manga: Also known as anime.

berserk manga trolls: I wasn’t sure if they were looking for trolls in the Berserk manga, or people who had gone berserk whilst trolling manga sites.

rpg maker xp how to make pets: I want to Summon Bird, a la Star Ocean 2.

teen anime: Anime in that awkward phase.

rpg maker “doctor who”: Again with the Doctor Who RPGs.

pumpkin scissors nhk parodies hentai: I have PS parodies, but no NHK hentai.

Amusing Spam

“Grand-Pianos.org…

Hello ;) Thanks heaps for this!… if anyone else has anything, it would be much appreciated. Great website Super Piano Links”

This week saw the advent of a new and inexplicable type of spam- piano ads.

“Eric…

Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….”

Nice work, Eric, keep bringing them in…wait, who the hell is Eric?

“erectile…

Need Viagra? Not anymore after you check this website!…”

This just made me laugh.

“bad breath in cats…

I don”t understand it….”

Poor cats, they need our understanding.

“naruto movie…

I saw this domain for sale, according to the appraisals, its worth over $5000.00 usd. It has just the perfect amount of keywords….”

Good for you.

“œtijned…

As the web continues to mass gay pride websites, we”ll strive to organize them to you….”

and

“try omega 3 fish oil…

As the WWW continues to expand natures bounty omega 3 fish oil capsules guidance, we will strive to organize them to you….”

Gay pride or omega 3 fish oils- take your pick.

Writers’ meeting to discuss Iroha finale

It’s been a few months now, but the ridiculousness of the Iroha finale has caused it to cycle back into the limelight as we try to imagine just what was going through the writers’ heads as they plotted out the last few episodes.

Head Writer: Okay guys, we’ve got to finish up this series about the Lord’s Head- any ideas?

Writer 1: Well, why don’t we stall for time by including cameos of lots of historical characters?

Writer 2: Yeah, that’ll give those history buffs a real kick- seeing their heroes flash on and off screen for about two seconds.

Head Writer: Well, that will stall for time, but we still need to plot a finale.

Writer: Sir, shouldn’t we use the dango before that?

Head Writer: Oh yes, of course.

All the writers sniff some sweet potato dango powder.

Head Writer: Right, I’m starting to see something- a giant final boss castle!

Writer 1: Where does it come from?

Head Writer: Soutetsu summons it- with switches!

Writer 2: Switches?

Head Writer: Yeah- we can’t just have a huge castle appearing out of nowhere- that would be stupid! Instead, he’ll press switches to make it appear!

Writer 2: Okay, but what should happen in the castle?

Writer 1: Boss battles, of course! Soutetsu, Enomoto, Kakunojo…

Head Writer: Not so fast! We don’t really need a fight with Enomoto, so we’ll just have him collapsing on his desk, and as for Kakunojo- well, we’ll let Akidzuki strip her clothes off.

Writer 3: Well, I guess that will work…but what about Soutetsu?

Writer 1: We have to have a boss battle for him, right?

Head Writer: Of course! We’ll have him activate a boss area through switches and then he can fight Akidzuki!

Writer 2: Hey, the dango just gave me a great idea! Why don’t we include some random old men with giant cups?

Writer 1: I see it too! Then they can make a lightning attack that randomly destroys different parts of Japan!

Head Writer: That’s the spirit! Then at the end, the whole thing dissolves into butterflies! It’s the perfect way to get rid of the castle and let everyone live happily ever after.

Writer 1: Sounds good to me. So, is that it?

Head Writer: Yep, that’s a wrap.

Xtreme Harvest Moon: dangerous farming in extreme conditions

Ever found that Harvest Moon is just a bit too mundane and boring for your Extreme Tastes? Want to farm, but need that extra spice to really get the adrenaline flowing? The our new Xtreme series of Harvest Moon games is just what you’ve been searching for! Here are a few examples of what you can expect from this exciting new product line.

• Natural Disaster Mayhem: Every day, there is a high probability that a tidal wave, volcanic eruption, earthquake, heavy snowfall or lightning strike will completely wreck your farm, forcing you to desperately rebuild before the next disaster occurs.
• Washed Away: In this erosion nightmare, your farm is slowly falling into the sea, and you must strive to save your crops and animals each time their fields start slowly slipping away.
• Stampede: Wild animals regularly devastate your farm, forcing you to recruit villagers to shoot them. Dogs can also be raised to savage attacking creatures.
• Political Problems: your farm is in the middle of a war zone! Beware of minefields, air strikes and getting caught in the crossfire.

New Fist of the North Star OVA 3

The generic crowd brush in GIMP was used to create this scene.

“And that, my friends, is how you turn an old curtain into a fully functioning robe!”

“Is this the right way to have Axe?”

2Excuse me whilst I get undressed for HARD GAY.”

“Excellent- and now I shall take you like a man!”

“Oh yeah!”

“Man that feels good!”

“Watching HARD GAY gets me horny!”

“Come on, go a few rounds with me!”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt other people’s HARD GAY?”

“With abs like these, I can do what I want!”

Short parody: Gundam Seed Destiny

Shinn: Hello, I’m Shinn- I’m the new hero, but I’m upset and angsty because my generic family died.

Athrun: Shut up, Shinn, and let’s make the most of our screen time before Kira shows up.

Shinn: Don’t tell me to shut up! I’m the new hero!

Rey: Shinn, come and service me tonight!

Shinn: Yes, Master.

Rey: I told you to only call me that when we’re alone.

(Rey: I must persuade Shinn that Athrun is evil, lest he leave me for a new partner.)

Shinn: You know, that Athrun guy is pretty hot.

Rey: I don’t know how to break this to you, but Athrun is evil.

Shinn: He is? I hate him!

Lunamaria: Hello, I’m Lunamaria- I’d like to be useful and a good pilot, but I’m a female in a Gundam series, so that can’t happen.

Rey: Stay away from my Shinn, bitch!

Durandal: I must rid the world of anyone less bishie than I. Meer, come and dress up as Lacus for me again.

Heine: I’m Heine- I have no purpose but to tragically die shortly after meeting me!

Athrun: Heine, your HARD GAY was the best! Better than even Miguel! Let’s have a Flashback Mode to remind everyone who Miguel is!

Kira: Everyone, God Mode Kira is here! Bow to my superior skills! Justice! Freedom! Destiny!

(Athrun: Damn, Kira is here to ruin everything again.)

Kira: Special Attack! Bore Viewers With Endless Flashbacks!

The audience is defeated.

This Week in Anime

Alternate futures need alternate fruit.

One is selected for slicing.

“Now, let us bite into it and enjoy its sweetness.”

“Damn, it was bitter! Hated fruit!”

A HARD GAY symbol is outlined against the Moon (Moon!~).

Fruit that doesn’t cooperate is hung out to dry.

Let’s not even ask what this guy is doing.

Monthly Awards

The “I didn’t think it could get better but it did award” for Sheer Brilliance is awarded to Dennou Coil, to be added to its trophy cabinet of plaudits and praise.

The “Back on Track” Award for a Solid Arc Finish goes to Saiunkoku Monogatari, for recovering from its ER phase to give some good character moments.

The Dark Side of Humour for More Unstable Characters than you can shake a stick at goes to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, which is still proving darkly funny whenever it gets subbed.

The Mikoto Award for Lots of Cat Shots and Not Much Else goes to the “not bad, but not what it could have been” Darker than Black.

The “I don’t understand it but I like it anyway” award for confusing plot would once have gone to Mushi-Uta, but is now awarded to Baccano!

The Stylishly Supernatural Award for Slow-Paced but Intriguing Stories goes to Mononoke.

The “Finally making sense” award is at long awarded to Mushi-Uta.

The All-New Ultimate Boredom Beyond Any Boredom Experienced Before is shared between Seirei no Moribito and El Cazador, although Romeo X Juliet and selected episodes of Higurashi made a good effort at dullness.

The Mozarella Award for Pure Cheese goes to the laughably ridiculous Koutetsu Sangokushi.

The Mildly Entertaining Award for Middle of the Road series is shared between Doujin Work, Sisters of Wellber and slow-slow Shounen Onmyouji.

The Shameless Repetition Award for Repeating Events goes to Higurashi, for making us sit through slightly different versions of the same events over and over- how’s that for moneymaking?

Anime World Tour: El Cazador de la Bruja

Welcome to Central America as you’ve never seen it before! Ever since Mexico was taken over by the Amigo Taco confederacy, the place has become even more desert-like than ever before, not to mention filled with diners and dull characters of the week! Highlights include an abandoned hot spring, a collapsed mine, an old industrial site, a dilapidated inn and various other ruins! Remember though, touring these sites of interest can be very draining on the stamina, so be sure to stop by Amigo Tacos for a nutritious meal before you go!

This announcement was brought to you by Amigo Tacos- for a taco you can rely on.

OST spotlight: Asatte no Houkou

Mitsumune Shinkichi is often quoted for his work on Rozen Maiden, but he does an equally good job with Asatte no Houkou, offering a soundtrack that blends the light, breezy feel of summer with more poignant and melancholy elements. From skilled piano themes covering a range of emotions, to his trademark wind synths, each track may be short, but overall it builds a quietly magical atmosphere with some memorable highlights.

Notable tracks: Kumikyoku, Hikari no Kisetsu (TV size), Magokoro, Negai Ishi, Gikochinai Fun”iki, Sabishisa, Totsuzen no Wakare, Kokuhaku, Summer Fantasy I

Mini-editorial: Are there titles everyone should see? Are we better off for having seen them?

There seems to be an expectation that once reaches a certain level of anime fanhood, there are elementary titles that one should definitely have seen- such titles including the likes of Akira, Cowboy Bebop, Evangelion and Ghost in the Shell in its various incarnations. Not seeing them is regarded as something of a crime and perhaps even requires a lessening of one’s status- you may have seen four hundred other anime series, but without those core ones, are you truly qualified?

The question is, then- are there certain titles that everyone absolutely must see? Does it really make that much of a difference if you haven’t spent two hours of your life watching a particular movie? Does Evangelion give us an unmatched perspective on all mecha? Does the original Gundam help us see everything as it is, instead of the way our deluded minds wanted to? And, more than that, are these core titles so important by way of quality or message that not to see them would simply be criminal?

Of course, personally I am known for not including the “everyone loves them” series amongst my ultimate favourites, and whilst it can be helpful to use series that “everyone” has seen to get an idea of another fan’s relative tastes and opinions, at the end of the day, there is no anime that is going to appeal to everyone. I can, in principle, recommend the “classics” or my personal favourites, but having watched a particular handful of series or not should not be taken as the be-all and end-all of someone’s “anime fan level”. No one will suffer a grievous loss from not watching Eva or Akira, and indeed, if such things do not even run to their tastes, their time could be better spent elsewhere.

Harem of the week: Manshiro (Mai-Otome manga)

He may have had to dress as a woman, but apparently that just turned some people on.

Harem

Arika: the cheerful bumpkin, liked “innocently” sleeping in the same bed with Manshiro and became his first Otome.

Nina: Manshiro’s second Otome, the intelligent and accomplished one.

Erstin: Third in the year as far as abilities, and first in terms of breasts- Manshiro’s third Otome.

Nao: Enjoying playing in the shower with Manshiro.

Mikoto: “Investigated” Manshiro’s body on the orders of Sergey.

Rivals

Sergey: The villain of the piece; once threatened to castrate Manshiro if he stepped out of line.

Mashiro: The real Mashiro, also villainous.

Amusing Search Terms

romance of the three kingdoms hard gay: Once again, it is indeed.

mai hime manga sex: What manga were you reading?

doujin events for october 2007: Do I look like I even know these things?

sex 23: What is it with the number 23? Is it because Ritsuka’s teacher still has her ears at age 23?

who is antonio in Romeo X Juliet: I laughed at this one.

Amusing Spam

“gay anime…

I”m new to this…”

I wasn’t sure if this one was actually genuine.

“organic toothpaste, natural toothpaste, organic mouthwash, natural mouthwash, organic dental care, natural dental care…

The vital thing to remember is that you will need to be long-suffering….”

Why, are organic dental products especially painful?

“Incest Young Gay Porn…

Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me :)…”

Then don’t do it.

Chagum’s Spinning Coins

Ever wished for something a little more exciting than the sitting and talking of Seirei no Moribito? Then Chagum’s Spinning Coins is the one for you, an exciting tale based on the episode where Chagum plays the spinning coin game! Can young Chagum, a beginner at Spinning Coins, master the game and rise to the top in time for the upcoming world tournament? Can he defeat the evil forces hoping to use the power of Spinning Coins to take over the world? Tune in and find out!

FF7: E-Z of spin-offs

As we all know, Final Fantasy VII has spawned four money-making spin-offs lettered from A to D- Advent Children, Before Crisis, Crisis Core and Dirge of Cerberus. It is clear that is only the beginning of a whole A-Z of FF7 cash-ins, and here on Tuesday Rumble, we plan to document the future of franchise spin-offs.

Elena- A Life in the Turks: Play as Elena as she becomes a Turk and rises in the ranks.

Fort Condor: Remember how much you loved that Fort Condor mini-game of pain and excruciating slowness? Well, now you can play an entire game based on protecting Fort Condor from endless waves of enemies.

Gold Saucer: An entire game based around the mini-games at Gold Saucer, now expanded for additional “enjoyment”.

Hojo’s House of Horrors: Before he died, Hojo left a house filled with dangerous experiments, and when the security went down, they all escaped. In this action game, you must enter the house and put a stop to their rampage- for good.

Icicle Winter Olympics: The 2010 Winter Olympics are to be held at Icicle Village, and you can join in! Enter different events and try to score that elusive gold medal in snowboarding, skiing, ice skating and more!

Joe- Chocobo Champion: Play as Joe as you go from being a rookie in the chocobo racing world to the top man in the business.

Kalm Days: You have just bought a farm on the edge of Kalm Village, but can you make it into a thriving business?

Lucky Sevens: Play Cait Sith’s slot machine- infinitely!

Mog House II: A sequel to the popular Mog House game in Gold Saucer, feed moogles kupo nuts so that they can find their one true love! Look after generations of moogles as they learn to fly and impress prospective mates!

Nibelheim- The History: Play through the “missing” five years in Nibelheim history from the time the town was burned down to its current state.

Odin’s Sacrifice: Learn the history of Odin and how he became sealed in a materia in this tragic visual novel tale.

Priscilla’s Dolphin Training: Play as Priscilla and swim with the dolphins as you train them to perform tricks.

Quadra Slam: Play an exciting card game based on Triple Triad and Tetra Master, but for FF7!

Red XIII’s Tale: Play as Red XIII for five hundred years, ending at the final scene of the original game.

Seventh Heaven: Help make Tifa’s bar a thriving business in this game inspired by the likes of Burger Rush and Chocolatier.

Tifa’s School of Martial Arts: Pull off combos and become a martial artist in this free-roaming beat-’em-up.

Underwater Adventures: Explore the underwater world of FF7 in your submarine in this exciting game.

Vincent’s Valentines: In this alternate universe dating sim, Turks Academy Vincent must win the lovely Lucrecia’s heart before she gets stolen away by Hojo.

Wutai’s War: A tactical RPG based on the war that Godo and the others fought.

X Marks the Spot: Dig up treasures in sites of archaeological interest such as Bone Village. Make your way across the world in search of rare and elusive items buried deep beneath the surface!

Yuffie- Materia Hunter: Play as Yuffie and travel across the world in search of materia.

Zack’s Story: Play as Zack as he joins SOLDIER and tries to reach the highest ranks.

More Kenichi

Yep, that’s pretty much it.

“Do you think it’s more of an Ezo than a Liang?”

The monkeys that survived battle in Heroic Age have created their own how to fight books.

“I never thought I would witness HARD GAY with my own eyes!”

…or alternatively, be terrified of next time.

Kenichi is worried about the size of his Liang.

“I already gave him HARD GAY yesterday.”

“His Liang looked fine to me.”

“I will not rest until it is destroyed!”

“…about HARD GAY.”

“…and if you can Pleasure me, then I will pay you.”

“But if your climax is merely average…”

“…it will be the end of our relationship!”

“I’ve never seen one before!”

“The internet isn’t just about sex!”

“It isn’t?”

“Let’s play Yu-Gi-Oh!”

“I summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon!”

Random Thoughts: Prinny

This week we interview a generic prinny from Disgaea! Prinny, even though you are a downtrodden damned soul, do you feel that you got the last laugh by becoming a recurring presence in various Nippon Ichi games?

Dood, everyone loves prinnies! If only Etna didn’t keep taking our pay from all those games, we’d be rich!

What is it like, working under Etna?

It’s hell, dood! We work day and night for a pittance, and if we’re lucky, we don’t get exploded before the night of the red moon.

Do you get any of the proceeds from the sale of prinny plushies?

Plushies? Those are real prinnies, dood!

And finally, what do Celestian prinnies look like?

They’re white, dood, with feathery wings and haloes.

This Week in Anime

Mobile HORSE spreads to a new town.

Vegetables make a comeback after fruit domination.

All generics are seated together for convenience.

“Hey, are you eating an apple?”

“It’s my apple- stay away from it!”

“Fine, then- I’ll just make do with some naked men and this DOG.”

Fat cat is revealed to be an impostor after it deflates.

Ah, good old tea, which we English sup whilst visiting libraries and waltzing at balls.

Nuts begin their campaign.

HARD GAY corner: Heat Guy J

Daisuke Aurora first learned HARD GAY at the hands of his brother Shun and old man Shogun, but in later years, their busy schedules prevented them from having the time to service him. Fearful of having to rely on Hyper Self Pleasure, Daisuke took on a robotic lover, J, tuned to perfectly fulfil his every desire. Even when J became damaged or started to malfunction, Daisuke insisted that he be fixed, fearful of losing his ideal lover.\r\n

Thanks to the experience gained with J, Daisuke became the envy of many a man, and soon gained other lovers in the form of older man Edmundo, bishie mafia leader Clair Leonelli and Boma, a man with the face and appetites of a beast. Nonetheless, Daisuke still longed for the strong embrace of his brother, and was understandably upset to learn that not only was Shun the main villain, but that he had turned to STRAIGHT with his assistant Phia- at one point. In an attempt to show his brother the power of HARD GAY, Daisuke organised a group session with all of his lovers, even including J, who Shun had tried to reprogram for STRAIGHT. In the end, Shun was shown the error of his ways, but after tiring of his current lovers, Daisuke decided to leave the city in search of fresh Liangs.

OST spotlight: Avenger

Ali Project are often accused of being a one-trick pony, but this opportunity to provide the music for an entire series proved that when they want to, they can actually compose different themes. Although their gothic and borderline discordant style permeates the entire OST, there is still plenty of variety packed in, from fast and energetic tracks that wouldn’t be out of place in a platform or action game, to slower and more melancholy themes. The only real weak piece on the whole CD is the vocal track “MOTHER”, an almost painful slow and dull theme that lasts for over five minutes.

Notable tracks: Gesshoku Grand Guignol, Reinforcement of Happiness, Babylon Café, Death Becoming Unavailable, Taming the Young Woman, Puppeteer, Trompe-l”oeil labyrinth, The Season of Hell, Mirai no Eve

Mini-editorial: Tackling depression in entertainment- who should be saved?

Depression and entertainment hardly seem like comfortable bedfellows, but in the likes of NHK, we see characters who are suffering from various related problems that prevent them from interacting “normally” with society. The purpose of their inclusion may be for dark comedy or to view their salvation, but ultimately, how should it be handled in the long term? In real life, such problems may take months or even years of treatment, but the good thing about anime (or indeed any form of fiction) is that it doesn’t have to be realistic- it is far more satisfying to see the characters improve over the course of the series than to see them stuck in the same old rut.

Admittedly, I haven’t read the last few chapters yet, but NHK was a major offender in this regard, keeping its characters sequestered in misery and despair long after the humour of the situation had worn away. Similarly, Eva, whilst admittedly intended to reflect Anno’s own state of depression in the past, failed to “save” its characters, making them annoying and repetitive instead of people whose journey endears them to us.

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between two silver-haired juveniles- .hack//SIGN’s Tsukasa and Get Backers’ Makubex. Both are trapped in a virtual world of sorts and aren’t particularly keen on the company of others, but each ends up as part of a group of friends.

Amusing Search Terms

This week on Amusing Search Terms, someone wonders “El Cazador yuri?”. Another person is more confident, and insists that “El Cazador de la Bruja is yuri”. They must be hoping to link up with the “lusty lesbians”, who were also on the hunt for “yuri romeo x Juliet”, “the yuri & friends incest english ver”, “yuri+manga+sex+incest” and “yuri incest”.

what romeo x juliet character are you: You are Benvolio, a person with so much time on their hands that they have to look up “what Romeo X Juliet character are you?”

“saiunkoku monogatari”"2″: For some reason putting the 2 in quotation marks amused me.

Koutetsu Sangokushi dub: Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? It isn’t even licensed yet.

“utawarerumono” AND “Download”AND”Direct: Some people just want everything, don’t they?

rpg games were there is a fat ginga boy: What?

the best of gay: Is this an album, like “The Best Dance Music Ever… Part II”?

Amusing Spam

"scary movie reviews...

It can on occasion get bothersome to extract the insightful ''horror movie'' work from the dreadful...."

I agree; where do you begin?

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key mesage for you�  

sex group link for you"

I couldn’t follow all of this, but at least they admit it was spam.

"Rafael...

I think this post is relevant but slightly biased & I would like to see more equal information..."

That’s the last time I get Rafael to write anything for my blog.

"The resourceful thing to do is to do your statistical study efficiently...."

I agree.

"Elk and Bear Hunting Tips...

� 

We are extremely thrilled that you''ve found this webpage dealing with hunting guides...."

I’m really happy too; at last I can begin my new hobby of hunting the numerous elk and bear native to the United Kingdom.

"click here...

It is tiresome attempting to total the hours we have spent looking up fx chat room pages...."

Tell me about it.

"Best site for meeting people for sex! 

A lot of local girls need sex right here"

They do? Shame I’m not into HARD YURI, then.

Anime Nano: the RPG

The other day, a random remark on the Anime Nano forums gave birth to the idea of it being an MMORPG rather than a blog aggregator, and of course, me being me, I couldn’t help but think “where better to explore this idea than Tuesday Rumble?”. So, without further ado, let us explore Anime Nano: the RPG!

Choose your class: The first thing to do is invest your start-up points in creating a character. The cheapest class to create is Lurker, but with a little more effort you can go for Commenter instead. Purchase your own home base (blog), and your class immediately goes up to Blogger.

Tweak your stats: The next thing to do is assign bonus points to the various stats. Available stats include “Pretentious Elitist”, “Screencap Frenzy”, “Blow-by-Blow Summariser”, “Overanalyser”, “Straight Reviewer”, “Flame Baiter” and “Merchandise Whore”.

Time to play!: Now you are finally ready to step into the world of Anime Nano: the RPG. Much of the game is spent in blogging dungeons, using your abilities to hack and slash at endless waves of Flamers, Spammers and Trolls. The number of successive combo attacks you are able to perform in battle is determined by the number of hits your blog receives divided by one hundred; if you don’t have a blog, you can only ever perform a single hit combo.

Advanced Play: For those familiar with the game’s system, there are other, more advanced game play options to exploit. Form a permanent party by recruiting other writers to your blog, or a temporary one for multi-blog articles. Form trading alliances with links, or even declare war on other blogs. Whatever you do, avoid getting hit with the Hiatus status effect, since it usually leads to a slow and painful death.

Romeo X Juliet: X-treme(-ly over the top) version

After the revelations of episode seventeen, the time came to wonder- just how many more twists could the Romeo X Juliet anime throw our way? The only way forward, of course, was to delve deeper and come up with some of the more outlandish ideas the writers may still have in store.

• Romeo and Juliet are actually (half) brother and sister, making their entire love story completely incestuous.
• Hermione is actually Juliet’s half-sister, or at the least an adopted commoner who was switched at birth with Emilia.
• Cordelia (or perhaps Reagan) is the real Juliet, and Juliet is just a random generic.
• Antonio, Curio and Francisco are all Montague’s illegitimate sons.
• Romeo is not Montague’s son at all, since Portia had a one night stand with Conrad.

Reideen Again

“Look, girls!”

“Huh, who cares?”

“Well, there’s one other place, but it isn’t what you’d call practical or comfortable.”

“Yeah, Jack Squat’s a great guy, unlike his better known yet more offensive cousin.”

“Let’s have Pleasure!”

A new form of Hyper Self Pleasure is developed, code-named God Bird.

(”Did he break his arm having Hyper Self Pleasure?”)

It wouldn’t be Reideen without the damn swearing.

Even so, some people are trying to tone it down.

“Someone went and used a Qwack-o-Ray on us!”

Random Thoughts: Shinji, Asuka and Rei

With the upcoming release of the Rebuild of Evangelion movie, we decided to interview Shinji, Asuka and Rei on their hopes for the new movie series.

So, guys, what changes would you like to see in this remake?

Shinji: I definitely want to be kicking more backside! Let’s stop with this whole whiny Daddy’s boy thing and get me out there beating up bad guys with the best of them!\r\n

Rei: I’d like to actually have some skills instead of training for months and still having the lowest synch ratio.

Asuka: I should totally be the star this time around!

When you look back on the original series, do you feel that it has held up well, or was it even any good in the first place?

Shinji: I think mistakes were made and some things went wrong, but the fact that we were able to capture the public imagination so much has got to count for something.

Rei: I don’t care either way, really.

Asuka: if you ask me, everything went downhill when Shinji’s synch ratio overtook mine. Before that, I was in charge and everything was cruising along smoothly.

Has Eva’s continued popularity helped or hindered your careers?

Shinji: I’ve never really been able to escape the typecasting, which is a shame because I really wanted to try my hand at the whole outgoing shounen hero thing.

Rei: It was really a boon for my career- I got some choice roles like the part of Yuki Nagato on Haruhi, for example.

Asuka: I don’t know why, but everyone really goes for the Rei type- I can’t seem to get out of her shadow.

How would you respond to the people who say “enough is enough, let the damn franchise end already?

Shinji: I’m just glad I got to do something different in Angelic Days, which wouldn’t have been possible if the franchise hadn’t ballooned the way it did.

Rei: The revenue generated from PVC figure sales is really helping my bank balance, even if Gainax and the sculptors take a healthy cut of the profits.

Asuka: Enough is never enough! I’m never giving ground to those up and coming newbies!

Now for the individual questions. Shinji, can you shed some light on your apparent father complex?

Shinji: I do not have a father complex! I’m telling my dad about this!

Rei, was your emotionless performance a challenge to your skills, or did you long for more of a stretch?

Rei: At the time, I really wanted to be able to cut loose and show my emotions a bit more, but now I’m glad I played it the way I did, because it’s made me a really memorable character. Anyone can be a silly little girl, but playing it cool is a lot harder.

Asuka: I hope you weren’t referring to me just then!

Asuka, how did you react when you found out your character’s depressing back story?\r\nAsuka: It was a bit of a comedown- all this time I’d been feeling superior to the other two, and then it turned out I was as messed up as they were!

Well, thank you- we hope to have all of you back for more interviews.

This Week in Anime

Here we see fruit in its natural habitat.

An innocent slice of orange is impaled on the edge of a glass by an apple supporter.

“Just a little further…I can make it out of here!”

Heroic Age maintains its reputation for wide-wide-wide-angle shots.

Fat cat checks in on developments in Kaleido Star.

Nut forces threaten to overwhelm our leads.

Anime World Tour: Record of Lodoss War

Ever fancied dropping in on a world of classic fantasy? Why not try the so-called “cursed island” of Lodoss? Learn magic and swordsmanship from some bona fide heroes, visit classical kingdoms, meet dragons both good and evil and learn the secrets of elves and dwarves with our all inclusive trip to Lodoss Isle! Worship at the shrine of Marfa, participate in one of the many chaotic wars that plague the Isle, attend parties held by legendary kings and fulfil all your classic fantasy desires in one go! Who know, you may even find yourself on a heroic quest of your own!

OST spotlight: Heat Guy J

Heat Guy J is an odd soundtrack indeed, combining elements I usually wouldn’t have time for, such as looping and often random electronic themes, bagpipes and the dreaded J-rock to make something that actually has some catchy themes. I have to admit that there are stretches where you’ll just blank out and not really listen to it, but the sheer energy with which its quirky and often discordant themes are presented is enough to make it extremely catchy in places. One to at least try out, even if it doesn’t really suit your tastes, not to mention oddly reminiscent of the Noir and RahXephon music at times.

Notable tracks: Tribe, Rainbow Gate Park, Backstreet Guys, Black Box

Mini-editorial: Does commercialism exclude art?

A rather pretentious sounding title if you will, but let’s just go with it for the moment- do the needs of fulfilling an order for twenty-six (or however many) animated episodes on a given budget (whilst getting ratings and selling merchandise in the process) prevent any sort of artistic vision from being realised? Even if one retains the core essence of the original concept, does compromise prevent it from being the True Series it could have been? Is the integrity of a piece always destined to ever be compromised by the desire to pander to the audience? Can any anime, apart from perhaps Voices of a Distant Star, be said to be proper “art”, undiluted by the need to make money?

Then again, is making it for an audience merely a key element in the creation of so-called art? Aren’t plays written for people to come and watch, paintings created to sell and put on exhibition? Does it matter if a few elements are changed, as long as we can communicate the core essence of our vision to others? Can we possibly hope to use this line of argument to justify the creation of a model kit seller like Gundam Seed Destiny?

In the end, as we learn from Animation Runner Kuromi, the vast majority of anime is not meant to be high art, it’s just business. But if we can appreciate artistic qualities within it, does it really matter how they came about?

Harem of the week: Ayato Kamina (RahXephon)

The slowed down time of Tokyo Jupiter may have messed up his life, but Ayato was still able to connect with women from both his past and present.

Harem

Reika: The mysterious girl who guides the plot whilst having a deeper significance.

Megumi Shitow: The energetic and argumentative “friend your own age” type.

Haruka Shitow: The older woman, also with plot significance.

Quon: The second mysterious girl, fond of talking in riddles.

Fashion Police: Shigure

This week, the Fashion Police are after Kenichi’s Shigure for a double offence, starting with her default outfit. Her hair is at least nice and she does carry her costume off with confidence, but seriously, what’s up with that fishnet top and cerise tunice, not to mention the fact that certain screenshots seem to indicate that she isn’t in the habit of donning underwear?

Then we move onto this, her revealing “bandages only” swimsuit, surely in danger of unravelling whenever she performs strenuous martial arts.

Fashion sense: C

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: bouncing breasts

virtual sex: At least search for the real thing.

rpg maker 2003 harry potter games: Anything has to be better than EA’s efforts.

utawarerumono sex scenes download: You want them and don’t have them, I don’t care about them and have them on my computer. And no, I’m not uploading them.

tyou toube porn: is this the next evolution of you toube?

anime panty shot: These days, this seems tame.

walkthrough ( puzzle ARIMASU ): ???

super b train: Go! Super B Train! Gattai!

all grunty: It’s all grunty, all the time!

azure- nude.net: Is this domain taken? Will I get more hits if I use it?

gay movie maker: A very specialised version of Windows Movie Maker, it turns any movie into a gay love scene.

“marie zhuge”: A distant descendant of Liang himself.

evil teenager anime: Damn those evil teens.

Back by Popular Complete Lack of Demand, Amusing Spam

“were to sky dive…

The period of perpetually digging up dependable opinions having to do with this topic have ended….”

I agree, it’s time to stop investigating where to sky dive and just stick with the places other people used.

“emeraldrocks…

Once you totally appreciate this, you will be able to work more effectively….”

I hope so.

“home business…

Sometimes, you”ll become overwhelmed by the enormous quantity of attitude information out there….”

Yeah, I know.

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Good for you.

“vegetable diet soup…

The normal everyday fellow would be under the impression that investing the time to obtain intellect on this topic of interest is a waste of resources….”

But vegetable diet soup is such a worthy topic! I have so much more to say about it

“fast weight loss diets…

It can occasionally get difficile to set apart the valuable diet soda info from the bad….”

I agree, there’s just so much information about diet soda out there.

“hallo everybody users of site azureflame.ikimashou.net I not so a long ago I live in Oshkosh

and so, that I divided with dear a man, Paul/Lisa – Craigkon, and now try to find him, last that I know so it that he lives in citi, and often vi

sits the resources of type your azureflame.ikimashou.net, names on itself Leeporkon

, if suddenly will see this nik write that this man contacted with me . I very much I miss without socializing with this man.To reason wanted to say thank you and to wish successes to the team of developments and web masters your resource. So to hold boys. Only little request of,sdelayte more graphic arts on pages on a subject”

I got several spam of this type, all looking for a different person.

“The plan of bonification of Telextreme is fantastic, therefore with few indications you can form a net of distribution of much success and excellent financial return. Visit:”

I so want to be a part of this…whatever it is.

Anyway, the advantages of attending dance lessons are as follows-

• Women will always, always outnumber men at the lessons. That means you get your pick of single ladies (note: do not try to compete with the good looking male instructor).
• Women will be impressed if you can dance, since it’s a rare skill among men.
• If all goes well, you’ll know how to dance in plenty of time for your wedding.

Ideas for Phantom Brave 2

I know manga disagrees, but I enjoyed Phantom Brave, and yet the basic system was also in need of some improvements. Here are a few suggestions for making Phantom Brave 2, without simply answering “Makai Kingdom”

• Bring back ranged attackers; seriously, what was with the lack of gunners and proper archers (I can hardly count an archer who only has a bow attack when unequipped).
• Add riding animals such as horses for characters to get on and increase their range/attacks.
• Make it easier for a character to extend the number of turns they are on the field through levelling up.
• Encourage use of Putty and Owl types by creating optional maps where only those classes can be used.
• Increase the number of available Boar type classes.

Bokurano: Gonzo endings predicted

By now, we all know that the Bokurano director doesn’t want to permanently kill off all the children, and that as long as it doesn’t involve magic, the mangaka doesn’t mind if the ending is changed. With that in mind, let’s try to guess at how it will turn out.

• The prize for winning the game is to reset the world to how it was at the beginning, or to revive the players (who cares about dead generics).
• When the players signed the contract, they actually fell unconscious and were put into a VR simulation. At the end, they all emerge from pods.
• There is a parallel universe where they are all alive and living happy lives.
• Everyone is just unconscious and sealed inside Zearth until the end.
• It was all a dream Kokopelli had in the shower.

Ayakashi Ayashi

Generic #1 expresses his HARD GAY preference.

“Attractive as you are, I won’t give in to my desire!”

“Could this be a rare woman?”

“Nope, I’m a man too!”

“You can upgrade your Rod as much you want, but it won’t improve your HARD GAY.”

“Usually you just get straight down to the Pleasure.”

The first enemy, Giant Wang, appears.

Monster Pleasure begins.

Giant Wang faces off against another enemy, Multi-Wang.

“Is he our destined HARD GAY partner?”

Monster Pleasure gets taken to the next level.

“I must join in with some Cannon!”

“I told you no good would come of this sort of HARD GAY!”

Giant Wang is defeated.

Multi-Wang strikes again.

Random Thoughts: Shion

This week, we talk to Shion from the Xenosaga games. Shion, can you explain how you got to be a first-class scientist when you seem to be largely incompetent?

Head scientists don’t need to be competent *laughs*- we just let our underlings do the work and take credit for it. Anyway, I initially got my job because my character design was much less generic than anyone else’s.

How do you explain how your character design shifted so much?

Jealous, aren’t you? I just spent some skill points on levelling up my appearance.

Did you create KOS-MOS just for HARD YURI?

No, no- of course not! …How did you know? Did you find the photos? I swear I was only trying that bondage gear on!

Do you ever wish the games had been created as they were initially envisioned, in six spacetime-spanning parts?

No, because then I would have only been in the first game, and I would never have got the appearance upgrade.

And finally- are hot pants the answer to the Xenosaga universe?

Yes- yes they are.

This Week in Anime

“Mmm, good apple.”

“Crispy and sweet.”

Oranges find a new guardian to protect their stronghold.

Don’t like oranges? Try some lemons.

Forget Cup Noodle- try some Cat Noodle.

“I shall prove myself worthy of these olives and meat buns!”

“So I just put it in the backside here, right?”

The Pizza Hut era in Darker than Black begins.

Fruits band together to make an assault on meat.

“Looks like the horse is ready and waiting.”

July Anime Awards

The “Best Anime Ever” for Consistent Quality in the Face of Declining Standards Elsewhere goes to Dennou Coil, the new best anime ever.

The Darkly Comical Award for Finding Amusement in Suicide Attempts goes to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei for its bleak humour.

The ER Award for Longest Medical Arc goes to Saiunkoku Monogatari II.

The “Where are the Answers?” Award for Frustrating Lack of Plot Development goes to Darker than Black.

The “What the Hell is Going On?” Award for a Complete Lack of Sense goes to Mushi-Uta.

The Rail Adventures Award for Train Otaku goes to Tetsuko no Tabi.

The Predictably Amusing Award for Mild Entertainment goes to Doujin Work.

The Insomniac Cure for Dullness is shared between Seirei no Moribito and El Cazador de la Bruja. Watching the former before bed the other night was a good way to induce tiredness.

The On the Rails Award for Standard Adventures goes to Romeo X Juliet and its mining arc.

The HARD GAY Award for Effeminate Males is still held by Koutetsu Sangokushi.

The Inoffensive Award for, well, Inoffensiveness goes to Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai.

HARD YURI corner: Kaleido Star New Wings

Having lost her HARD YURI lover, Sora has to resort to Hyper Self Pleasure until Kalos arranges for her to have STRAIGHT with a new performer, Leon. Unfortunately, Leon decides that rival May is better at STRAIGHT, and Sora is left to continue her Self Pleasure. In desperation, she returns to Layla and even tries Yuri as a partner, but despite her continuing cheerfulness, she cannot land a permanent partner. After much training, however, she is finally worthy of Leon, but choosing him will mean giving up HARD YURI forever in favour of STRAIGHT…

OST spotlight: Fantastic Children

As excellent as the series it accompanies, the Fantastic Children OST uses haunting piano and cello themes alongside some Celtic-style tracks to weave a melancholy and poignant atmosphere. Even if you haven’t watched the series yet (and if you haven’t, why not?), this OST is a must-listen.

Notable tracks: Voyage (Cello version), Befort no Kodomo-tachi, Helga, Helga no Zensei, Helga (Cello version), Sentou, Mizu no Madoromi

Mini-editorial: Acquisition above enjoyment

There comes a stage in every collector’s life where you find yourself buying items at a rate faster than you can appreciate them, be it manga, anime or games. When this happens, one has so many unfinished games, unwatched DVDs or unread books that it isn’t hard to lose interest entirely- after the brief flicker of getting something good in the post, the item in question is merely tossed into the nearest shelf and abandoned. Is this phase inevitable, or will we always end up in a state of buying things to have them rather than to use them? Can we ever recapture the old feelings, even if it means a break from that hobby? I know this factor contributed to the close of my first gaming era, and so in this era, I’m only going to buy games once I’ve finished or definitively abandoned the ones I have.

Harem of the week: Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy 7)

A man of few words and so few accomplishments that he had to claim his best friend’s memories for his own, Cloud nonetheless exuded some kind of pull over women.

Harem

Aeris: The quiet and innocent flower girl with mystical powers, predisposed towards Cloud due to her attraction to Zack.

Tifa: The childhood friend with large “melons”.

Priscilla: The young animal lover who instantly vows to marry Cloud.

Jessie: The chirpy freedom fighter with a penchant for disguises and fake IDs.

Yuffie: The headstrong teen ninja with a flippant attitude.

Barret: He may be a man, but you can go on a date with him at Gold Saucer. He may or may not like giving Cloud “gun”.

Don Corneo: Can be enticed to pick a cross dressing Cloud to spend the night with him, and may even try to land a kiss on him.

Rivals

Zack: Basically Cloud!Original version, he got the girl long before Cloud ever got his hands on her.

Fashion Police: Laharl

Sorry, Disgaea, but the time has come to send the Fashion Police into the Netherworld, and their first target is none other than demon Overlord Laharl. Although a flowing scarf can be used to compensate for a multitude of sins, nothing can completely erase Laharl’s crime of fabric (or rather lack of it). Yes, taken on their own the shorts and shoes are not too bad, but when reconciled with the fact that there’s a lot of skin showing and not really much else to the outfit, the time comes to declare that the heat of the Netherworld is nothing compared to looking well turned-out and presentable.

Fashion sense: D

Amusing Search Terms

You toube is back! I feel as if I’ve been reunited with an old friend.

azure alternative: Offering an alternative to Azure Flame- not reading Azure Flame.

pink toube: Only pink videos allowed

romance, words, thoughts: “I love you”

nanoha parodies: Always wanting more parody.

RPG maker beyblade sprites: Once you mention it, Beyblade never fully goes away

Added a new parody movie to the movies s: Did you? Good for you.

rpg maker xp resources blood: Actually, I did work on some blood splatters a while ago.

virtual sex: Let’s all have a good laugh

watch tenchi forever online: I know they mean the film Tenchi Forever, but it amuses me to think that they want the ability to watch Tenchi indefinitely.

techniques to give a gay man pleasure: As I said before, he likes it from behind.

.hack// incest: Also known as Legend of the Twilight.

anime having sex: Anime can have sex now? Is manga its partner?

“foreign demons”: damn those foreign demons.

what is the code for azure flame: Use the secret knock to gain access to our headquarters.

yuri sora festival: What is this?

toki packaging: Packaging for a clock?

great doctor in romance three kingdoms: This makes me think that Doctor Who is going to visit the Three Kingdoms era…actually, that’s not a bad idea.

anime desire angel: Heavenly Pleasure.

touka broken utawarriors: How can Touka be broken?

gundam seed gay: You know the reason Kira never touched Lacus was because he wanted Athrun.

manga art large boobs: Tenjho Tenge.

gay bold: Better than gay italic.

runner: how does this simple one word search reach my blog?

“We’ve noticed that customers who have expressed interest in “Tokyo Mew Mew Vol. 2: v. 2 (Tokyo Mew-Mew)” by Mia Ikumi have also ordered “Essentials of Genetic Engineering” by S.K. Jain. For this reason, you might like to know that this book is now available. You can order yours for just £51.94″

I wonder, do people who buy the same manga as me get recommendations for physics textbooks?

Soutetsu no Aquarion

Welcome to a brand new anime fusion, one that sees Soutetsu Ibaragi of Iroha take over as commander of the Aquarion team. Obsessed with finding the perfect gattai, Soutetsu invites the bishiest looking teenagers to ride on the Aquarion, but who will be worthy of “riding” with him?

Pilots

• Akidzuki: A moody teenager with the most potential. Said to be the reincarnation of a legendary samurai.
• Kanna: A HARD GAY English boy who is clearly attracted to Akidzuki.
• Kakunojo: One of the rare women on the team- she vies with Kanna for Akidzuki’s affections.
• Shiranui: Not a particularly skilled pilot despite being obsessed with Gattai.
• Ebisu: A secretive pilot with a crush on Kakunojo, provides the obligatory character death partway through the series.

El Cazador del Taco

Forget El Cazador de la Bruja, this season the one to watch is El Cazador del Taco (The Taco Hunter), an adrenalin-filled tale of action, betrayal and oh-so-delicious tacos! Following the abrupt death of Amigo Taco Manager Schneider, his adopted daughter Ellis and young delivery girl Nadie find themselves in possession of his secret recipe for Ultimate Tacos. Chased by jealous former Amigo employees and rival companies such as Rosenberg Snacks, Nadie and Ellis begin a desperate journey south, hoping to protect the secret recipe until it can be delivered safely to the new Amigo Tacos production factory.

Heroic Age

“These wide angle shots are brilliant- it means we don’t have to draw detailed characters anymore!”

“RAGING HARD-ON- Utawarerumono style!”

“I told you training monkeys for battle was a bad idea, but no, you just had to try it!”

“Monster HARD GAY!”

“Is there a battle going on, or is it just the glow of distant fireworks?”

“THIS IS SPARTA!”

“If the monkeys aren’t working, maybe it’s time to get Tom, Dick and Harry in on the action!

“Cameraman, you’re getting too close again! Pull back!”

Random Thoughts: Rin Tohsaka

This week we catch up with Rin Tohsaka of Fate/Stay Night! Rin, did you ever feel annoyed that you had to play second fiddle to an inferior character like Shirou?

We all hated it, of course- having better personalities and character designs than him, but still having to play second fiddle to his pathetic ideas of justice and women taking the back row! Still, I got my revenge in the end, although I can’t tell you the things I forced Archer in order to humiliate him.

What was your motivation behind joining Shirou’s harem?

Purely screen time- I’d do anything just to increase my exposure and thus my fanbase.

Would you mind dishing the dirt on that whole “restoring mana” scene?

Well, since you ask, let me tell you this- Saber’s muscles aren’t just for show. She can go for hours!

And finally, what are your plans for the future?

I’ve been contacted about having an important role in a project called “True Fate” (working title), but I understand the creator is busy with other things, so it’s taking a while to actually come to fruition.

This Week in Anime

Freedom- home of Cup Noodle.

Do you like Cup Noodle?

“We all love Cup Noodle!”

Victory- made possible by Cup Noodle.

Ukyo dispatches an apple on an important mission.

The animators got bored after drawing two brown dogs, and gave up before the third.

“Don’t kill me- I’m an important dog!”

“You look like a common or garden generic brown dog to me!”

“How about a lovely cup of tea?”

Beware- fruit is always watching you.

Game World Tour: Disgaea

Fancy a trip to the Netherworld? Don’t delay because you’ve convinced yourself the conditions will be hellish- we actually have plenty to offer. Make yourself at home in the comfort of Overlord’s castle, where dedicated Prinny slaves will see to your every need. Venture out in the surrounding region to enjoy picnics and day trips, with all manner of exotic wildlife to observe (note: most plant and animal life is dangerous and liable to attack, so be sure to having a working knowledge of armed combat and/or magic before going outside). See how our judicial system works by dropping in on the Dark Assembly, explore the world within an item in the Item World, or just sit back and have your injuries healed by the experts at the Netherworld Hospital (fee required).

For the rare few who find themselves dissatisfied with the service offered in the Netherworld, the Dimensional Gatekeeper offers passage to the heavenly world of Celestia and even a connection to Earth via the Stellar Graveyard.

OST spotlight: Disgaea

Tenpei Sato helps to make Disgaea what it is with his excellent soundtrack, a collection of energetic and slightly offbeat themes, from orchestral marches to an understated lullaby with just the right touch of evil. Not every track hits the mark, with Mid-Boss’s operatic stylings overstaying their welcome, but overall this soundtrack is as quirky, catchy and addictive as the game itself.

Notable tracks: Laharl-sama no Sanbika, Hell’s Whisper, Mischievous Demon’s Footfall, Hysteric Kingdom, A Dark Race Becomes Magnificent, Witch Hunting, Beautiful Round Dance, Tomo Yo, Akai Tsuki, Running Fire, Planet X

Mini-editorial: Gaming- fun or completion?

The question this week is one to be debated just for fun- when you play games, is it more about enjoying them, or playing them to completion so that you can say you’ve finished them and never touch them again? I have to admit that for me, the latter was most important for a while, and even now there are games I persevere with just for the satisfaction of knowing they are finished, but even so, the end of the “First Gaming Era”taught me that collecting and playing games just for the sake of it soon ends in disillusionment and disinterest. And after all, whilst it seems all too easy to fall into this frame of mind (especially as you are equally likely to lose interest in a game if your relationship with it drags on for too long), if you aren’t enjoying yourself, why are you spending your spare time playing games anyway?

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between two feisty blondes- Shinku of Rozen Maiden and Rozalin from Disgaea 2. Aside from their predilection for gothloli style dark red dress, both are headstrong females who find themselves bound to the male lead via a contract, and who wish only to meet with their mysterious fathers.

Fashion Police: Cloud

Since it’s beginning to get hard to find visual resources for Arc Twilight of the Spirits, I’ve decided to move on and take a look at another fashion-starved RPG- Final Fantasy 7. First up is the lead, Cloud, and whilst he may not look too bad at first glance, there are many things we must question. Why the baggy trousers? Why the one-sided ugly tin-plate should guard? Why the lack of sleeves and pointlessly spiked gloves (they look pretty stiff, for one thing)? And most of all, why would anyone strip the dead body of their best friend and put their clothes on?

Fashion sense: D-

Amusing Search Terms

who will tenchi marry: so far, no one

romeo gay anime: He’s more into HORSE than HARD GAY, to be honest.

“SchoolMate”: ???

Asking where you can find Mai Otome Zwei: will earn you six demerits.

hard gay soldiers: That’s every soldier, then.

ROMEO AND JULIET – FREE MOVIE PICK: I pick none of them.

hard might gai otakon 2007: I don’t really recall mentioning Otakon.

man watches horse do girl: you sick pervert.

how to draw cute anime dogs: start with Potato.

bathing scene rpg: Do you really want to go to all the effort of bathing scene tilesets and sprites? Just watch a fanservice anime or something.

cross dressing anime blog: Just for the record, I don’t dress as a man.

“boss audition”: audition now and you too can be a boss!

anime blog hard: Work hard, play hard, blog hard.

bondage action figures: admit, tj, you searched for this.

rahxephon ecchi: “Would you like to see my ‘RahXephon?’”, he whispered, pulling down his trousers.

hige and blue: Bluebeard?

tenchi airship: there was an airship?

manga+cats+girls: equals manga catgirls.

Busou Renkin penis episode: although we never saw them, they were never far from the thoughts of our characters.

akane girls nude: more nudity, eh?

inspire me: why should I?

an anime that is happy: I recommend Happy McHappy’s Tale of Happiness.

beyblade hilary show breast: this is more disturbing than the other Beyblade searches.

sexy anime: “Call me Queen”.

after yaoi and yuri love: Next is…BI?

get backers gay?: Afraid so.