E-card: the new gaming phenomenon that’s taking over the nation
Forget Pokemon, move aside Yu-Gi-Oh!- a new card game is in town! The kids will just love E-card, a high stakes gambling game brought to you by your good friends in the yakuza! In each E-card starter set, you get a deck of cards containing Citizens, an Emperor and a Slave card, as well as special accessories to affix to your eye and ear! Gamble too much, and the pin in the accessory will penetrate the eyeball or eardrum, permanently damaging the organ. Bet against fellow players for big money, and remember- what’s a sensory organ or two amongst friends? You can play again and again and again with our special E-card sets!*

*Please wash eye and ear needles between use. Note that we cannot accept returns on used E-card sets.

Harvest Moon Ninomiya

Today we’re here to introduce a special game to you- Harvest Moon Ninomiya: Let Me Eat It!

As per usual, you have a supporting character to guide you through the tutorial section.

One new innovation in the game is the requirement of checking every single grain for quality before planting or shipping.

Cows can be kept outside in a custom-made pasture.

Sheep are also available.

New to the Harvest Moon franchise are pigs.

The game designers decide to bring us “pigs like you’ve never seen them before”.

Unfortunately, this is the only way to handle the pigs until you can afford a slaughterhouse.

Ah yes, and where would we be without the obligatory Liang joke?

Dragons’ Den: Celestial Brush
Welcome to a new feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral’s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll of their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

Facing the Dragons this week are artist Issun and goddess Amaterasu, who are hoping for investment in their Celestial Brush. Will the Dragons be tempted by their business proposal?

Issun: Hello, I’m Issun and this furball here is Amaterasu. We’re here today asking for investment in our revolutionary Celestial Brush technology, which you can use to literally pause the world and alter it to your desires! If you buy our full package, you’ll be able to turn night into day (and vice versa), summon wind, fire, water, thunder and ice, repair broken objects, make flowers grow and much more!

Aria: Punyu? [So, what’s your pricing strategy for this?]

Issun: Well, we sell the initial brush with the Sunrise ability for 300,000 yen, and then all the other abilities are extra.

Cardinal: What about the ink?

Issun: Well, that refills naturally, but you have the option of purchasing more bottles to store it in.

Cardinal: Hmm, don’t you think you could make more money if you forced people to buy more ink instead of effectively giving it away?

The Cardinal has just pointed out a major flaw in Issun’s pricing strategy, but the entrepreneur seems undaunted.

Issun: Well, if it didn’t work this way, the world would probably under the control of the forces of darkness right now.

Mikoto: I’m very interested in this, but I’d like to know how many you’ve sold so far.

Issun: Well, er, Amaterasu has the full set, I’m learning, and Ninetails could do a bit too…

Mikoto: So, three sales so far?

Issun: I wouldn’t exactly call them sales.

Issun has just admitted that, despite some impressive boasting, he hasn’t actually sold any of his product yet! This does not go down well with the Dragons.

Mikoto: You know what- come back when you’ve actually got some sales to show me, because for now I’m out.

The Admiral: With this night and day thing, suppose I’ve just got into bed and you draw a sun? Do I have to get up and go to work?

Issun: Yes, but you can always draw a moon and make it night again.

Admiral: But that would mess up everything! I’m out!

Aria: Punyu! [Creating suns and such is a bit irresponsible, so I’m out too].

Mr Tibbs: I’m actually very interested in this- anything that gives the bank the ability to control the world must be good. I’d like to make you an offer.

Issun: Thank you very much- I’d like to accept

After a grilling in the Den, Issun walks away with an investment from Mr Tibbs! But how will our world change now that a fat cat has access to the powers of the Celestial Brush?

This Week in Anime

Painting work begins on new 1:1 scale Gunpla.

Budget cuts made at Pizza Hut’s branding department.

All foodstuffs are now to be sold in clearly labelled containers.

It’s not quite Aria, is it?

Mikoto-class cat spotted.

Generic factory produces too many units.

What an appetising looking lump of wood.

Sunrise decide to supplement ailing budget by moving into clock production.

HORSE has evolved with time.

A DOG tries to solicit customers in the blue light district.

“By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!”

“I command you all to take up smoking!”

HARD GUNDAM.

If in doubt, just turn Super Saiyan.

Pears undertake a daring mission to infiltrate the apple basket.

Walnuts find a new niche.

Flash Game review: Light Puzzle
I’m a sucker for laser puzzles, and this little one amused me for a weekend during the Winter Olympics two years ago, so it’s way past time to point it out. As with all puzzles of this type, the idea is to get the laser beam to the target of the same colour, using whatever mirrors, beam splitters and prisms you are provided with. Naturally, it’s a simple enough task to begin with but one that gradually gets harder throughout the game’s 24 or so levels. Fear not, however, for if you get truly stuck, I have screencapped the solutions.

Mini-editorial: A few thoughts on Lain
A few weeks ago, Hige wrote about pretension, briefly mentioning his thoughts on Lain, and at the time I thought “hmm, I must say a few words about Lain too”. A series that blends the worlds of reality and the internet, Lain is one of things where you either don’t understand it but rave about how deep and complex it is, or you don’t understand it and openly admit that because of that, you couldn’t really enjoy it. Having said that, I cannot deny that there were large tracts of Lain that I didn’t understand, but whilst it is my least favourite of the four ABe series, it still has worth and merit for me.

As I said in my Sixty anime piece, Lain is anime of ‘layers’ rather than episodes- starting at the beginning in reality and slowly dropping deeper and deeper into the virtual world. Along the way, there is much to think about as the walls between reality and fantasy blur. Can consciousness exist on its own within the internet? What is the difference between one’s self and the person someone else perceives you to be, the “you” that exists only in their head? Or does the fact that people usually turn to Eva and Ghost in the Shell for these sorts of musings render Lain surplus to requirements?

That being said, should we really praise the creators for making a series so complex that viewers can barely understand it? Have they really packed it so full of that aforementioned depth and complexity that viewers must navigate their own way to meanings, or are they just so poor at presenting their ideas that the result is a mishmash of half-baked concepts?

Whatever the case, and in spite of the Michael Jackson look-alike who created the WIRED, I generally enjoyed Lain, but it will never be a series for everyone.

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between two men from rather similar series- SaiMono’s Ensei and Twelve Kingdoms’ Shoryu (aka King En). Both men have similar appearance, along with a rough around the edges personality that belies their roles in government.

The making of Azure Flame: Screencap parody
This week we go behind the scenes to find out how a screencap parody is hewn out the rocks, polished and refined for your enjoyment. The process begins, unsurprisingly, by watching the episode (or in select cases, having someone else watch it), whilst basically spamming the screencap key to capture any potentially amusing moments. In this way, around 400 ‘raw’ screencaps will be generated.

The next step is to resize all the screencaps to 450px in width (or 225 in some cases), a task easily accomplished with either Irfanview or PhotoResize. The new, smaller screencaps are now pasted into Word, where the real work begins. Useless images are deleted, whilst amusing ones are captioned to retell the story of the episode; once all images are captioned, an introduction is written and the long process of uploading all screencaps and posting them all into Wordpress can begin.

For longer posts (100+ images), the parody will be split into two parts, although in some cases it’s had to go to three.

Writers’ meeting to discuss Iroha finale

It’s been a few months now, but the ridiculousness of the Iroha finale has caused it to cycle back into the limelight as we try to imagine just what was going through the writers’ heads as they plotted out the last few episodes.

Head Writer: Okay guys, we’ve got to finish up this series about the Lord’s Head- any ideas?

Writer 1: Well, why don’t we stall for time by including cameos of lots of historical characters?

Writer 2: Yeah, that’ll give those history buffs a real kick- seeing their heroes flash on and off screen for about two seconds.

Head Writer: Well, that will stall for time, but we still need to plot a finale.

Writer: Sir, shouldn’t we use the dango before that?

Head Writer: Oh yes, of course.

All the writers sniff some sweet potato dango powder.

Head Writer: Right, I’m starting to see something- a giant final boss castle!

Writer 1: Where does it come from?

Head Writer: Soutetsu summons it- with switches!

Writer 2: Switches?

Head Writer: Yeah- we can’t just have a huge castle appearing out of nowhere- that would be stupid! Instead, he’ll press switches to make it appear!

Writer 2: Okay, but what should happen in the castle?

Writer 1: Boss battles, of course! Soutetsu, Enomoto, Kakunojo…

Head Writer: Not so fast! We don’t really need a fight with Enomoto, so we’ll just have him collapsing on his desk, and as for Kakunojo- well, we’ll let Akidzuki strip her clothes off.

Writer 3: Well, I guess that will work…but what about Soutetsu?

Writer 1: We have to have a boss battle for him, right?

Head Writer: Of course! We’ll have him activate a boss area through switches and then he can fight Akidzuki!

Writer 2: Hey, the dango just gave me a great idea! Why don’t we include some random old men with giant cups?

Writer 1: I see it too! Then they can make a lightning attack that randomly destroys different parts of Japan!

Head Writer: That’s the spirit! Then at the end, the whole thing dissolves into butterflies! It’s the perfect way to get rid of the castle and let everyone live happily ever after.

Writer 1: Sounds good to me. So, is that it?

Head Writer: Yep, that’s a wrap.

Xtreme Harvest Moon: dangerous farming in extreme conditions

Ever found that Harvest Moon is just a bit too mundane and boring for your Extreme Tastes? Want to farm, but need that extra spice to really get the adrenaline flowing? The our new Xtreme series of Harvest Moon games is just what you’ve been searching for! Here are a few examples of what you can expect from this exciting new product line.

• Natural Disaster Mayhem: Every day, there is a high probability that a tidal wave, volcanic eruption, earthquake, heavy snowfall or lightning strike will completely wreck your farm, forcing you to desperately rebuild before the next disaster occurs.
• Washed Away: In this erosion nightmare, your farm is slowly falling into the sea, and you must strive to save your crops and animals each time their fields start slowly slipping away.
• Stampede: Wild animals regularly devastate your farm, forcing you to recruit villagers to shoot them. Dogs can also be raised to savage attacking creatures.
• Political Problems: your farm is in the middle of a war zone! Beware of minefields, air strikes and getting caught in the crossfire.

New Fist of the North Star OVA 3

The generic crowd brush in GIMP was used to create this scene.

“And that, my friends, is how you turn an old curtain into a fully functioning robe!”

“Is this the right way to have Axe?”

2Excuse me whilst I get undressed for HARD GAY.”

“Excellent- and now I shall take you like a man!”

“Oh yeah!”

“Man that feels good!”

“Watching HARD GAY gets me horny!”

“Come on, go a few rounds with me!”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt other people’s HARD GAY?”

“With abs like these, I can do what I want!”

Short parody: Gundam Seed Destiny

Shinn: Hello, I’m Shinn- I’m the new hero, but I’m upset and angsty because my generic family died.

Athrun: Shut up, Shinn, and let’s make the most of our screen time before Kira shows up.

Shinn: Don’t tell me to shut up! I’m the new hero!

Rey: Shinn, come and service me tonight!

Shinn: Yes, Master.

Rey: I told you to only call me that when we’re alone.

(Rey: I must persuade Shinn that Athrun is evil, lest he leave me for a new partner.)

Shinn: You know, that Athrun guy is pretty hot.

Rey: I don’t know how to break this to you, but Athrun is evil.

Shinn: He is? I hate him!

Lunamaria: Hello, I’m Lunamaria- I’d like to be useful and a good pilot, but I’m a female in a Gundam series, so that can’t happen.

Rey: Stay away from my Shinn, bitch!

Durandal: I must rid the world of anyone less bishie than I. Meer, come and dress up as Lacus for me again.

Heine: I’m Heine- I have no purpose but to tragically die shortly after meeting me!

Athrun: Heine, your HARD GAY was the best! Better than even Miguel! Let’s have a Flashback Mode to remind everyone who Miguel is!

Kira: Everyone, God Mode Kira is here! Bow to my superior skills! Justice! Freedom! Destiny!

(Athrun: Damn, Kira is here to ruin everything again.)

Kira: Special Attack! Bore Viewers With Endless Flashbacks!

The audience is defeated.

This Week in Anime

Alternate futures need alternate fruit.

One is selected for slicing.

“Now, let us bite into it and enjoy its sweetness.”

“Damn, it was bitter! Hated fruit!”

A HARD GAY symbol is outlined against the Moon (Moon!~).

Fruit that doesn’t cooperate is hung out to dry.

Let’s not even ask what this guy is doing.

Monthly Awards

The “I didn’t think it could get better but it did award” for Sheer Brilliance is awarded to Dennou Coil, to be added to its trophy cabinet of plaudits and praise.

The “Back on Track” Award for a Solid Arc Finish goes to Saiunkoku Monogatari, for recovering from its ER phase to give some good character moments.

The Dark Side of Humour for More Unstable Characters than you can shake a stick at goes to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, which is still proving darkly funny whenever it gets subbed.

The Mikoto Award for Lots of Cat Shots and Not Much Else goes to the “not bad, but not what it could have been” Darker than Black.

The “I don’t understand it but I like it anyway” award for confusing plot would once have gone to Mushi-Uta, but is now awarded to Baccano!

The Stylishly Supernatural Award for Slow-Paced but Intriguing Stories goes to Mononoke.

The “Finally making sense” award is at long awarded to Mushi-Uta.

The All-New Ultimate Boredom Beyond Any Boredom Experienced Before is shared between Seirei no Moribito and El Cazador, although Romeo X Juliet and selected episodes of Higurashi made a good effort at dullness.

The Mozarella Award for Pure Cheese goes to the laughably ridiculous Koutetsu Sangokushi.

The Mildly Entertaining Award for Middle of the Road series is shared between Doujin Work, Sisters of Wellber and slow-slow Shounen Onmyouji.

The Shameless Repetition Award for Repeating Events goes to Higurashi, for making us sit through slightly different versions of the same events over and over- how’s that for moneymaking?

Anime World Tour: El Cazador de la Bruja

Welcome to Central America as you’ve never seen it before! Ever since Mexico was taken over by the Amigo Taco confederacy, the place has become even more desert-like than ever before, not to mention filled with diners and dull characters of the week! Highlights include an abandoned hot spring, a collapsed mine, an old industrial site, a dilapidated inn and various other ruins! Remember though, touring these sites of interest can be very draining on the stamina, so be sure to stop by Amigo Tacos for a nutritious meal before you go!

This announcement was brought to you by Amigo Tacos- for a taco you can rely on.

OST spotlight: Asatte no Houkou

Mitsumune Shinkichi is often quoted for his work on Rozen Maiden, but he does an equally good job with Asatte no Houkou, offering a soundtrack that blends the light, breezy feel of summer with more poignant and melancholy elements. From skilled piano themes covering a range of emotions, to his trademark wind synths, each track may be short, but overall it builds a quietly magical atmosphere with some memorable highlights.

Notable tracks: Kumikyoku, Hikari no Kisetsu (TV size), Magokoro, Negai Ishi, Gikochinai Fun”iki, Sabishisa, Totsuzen no Wakare, Kokuhaku, Summer Fantasy I

Mini-editorial: Are there titles everyone should see? Are we better off for having seen them?

There seems to be an expectation that once reaches a certain level of anime fanhood, there are elementary titles that one should definitely have seen- such titles including the likes of Akira, Cowboy Bebop, Evangelion and Ghost in the Shell in its various incarnations. Not seeing them is regarded as something of a crime and perhaps even requires a lessening of one’s status- you may have seen four hundred other anime series, but without those core ones, are you truly qualified?

The question is, then- are there certain titles that everyone absolutely must see? Does it really make that much of a difference if you haven’t spent two hours of your life watching a particular movie? Does Evangelion give us an unmatched perspective on all mecha? Does the original Gundam help us see everything as it is, instead of the way our deluded minds wanted to? And, more than that, are these core titles so important by way of quality or message that not to see them would simply be criminal?

Of course, personally I am known for not including the “everyone loves them” series amongst my ultimate favourites, and whilst it can be helpful to use series that “everyone” has seen to get an idea of another fan’s relative tastes and opinions, at the end of the day, there is no anime that is going to appeal to everyone. I can, in principle, recommend the “classics” or my personal favourites, but having watched a particular handful of series or not should not be taken as the be-all and end-all of someone’s “anime fan level”. No one will suffer a grievous loss from not watching Eva or Akira, and indeed, if such things do not even run to their tastes, their time could be better spent elsewhere.

Harem of the week: Manshiro (Mai-Otome manga)

He may have had to dress as a woman, but apparently that just turned some people on.

Harem

Arika: the cheerful bumpkin, liked “innocently” sleeping in the same bed with Manshiro and became his first Otome.

Nina: Manshiro’s second Otome, the intelligent and accomplished one.

Erstin: Third in the year as far as abilities, and first in terms of breasts- Manshiro’s third Otome.

Nao: Enjoying playing in the shower with Manshiro.

Mikoto: “Investigated” Manshiro’s body on the orders of Sergey.

Rivals

Sergey: The villain of the piece; once threatened to castrate Manshiro if he stepped out of line.

Mashiro: The real Mashiro, also villainous.

Amusing Search Terms

romance of the three kingdoms hard gay: Once again, it is indeed.

mai hime manga sex: What manga were you reading?

doujin events for october 2007: Do I look like I even know these things?

sex 23: What is it with the number 23? Is it because Ritsuka’s teacher still has her ears at age 23?

who is antonio in Romeo X Juliet: I laughed at this one.

Amusing Spam

“gay anime…

I”m new to this…”

I wasn’t sure if this one was actually genuine.

“organic toothpaste, natural toothpaste, organic mouthwash, natural mouthwash, organic dental care, natural dental care…

The vital thing to remember is that you will need to be long-suffering….”

Why, are organic dental products especially painful?

“Incest Young Gay Porn…

Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me :)…”

Then don’t do it.

Day 17
As I went about my tasks today, I realised that my new routine of going to bed less than an hour after I get up means that, to my eternal chagrin, I completely forgot to acknowledge our wedding anniversary yesterday! I tried talking to Popuri to see if she was upset about this, but she just talked about Tony as usual- this means that either she doesn’t care, or she is so upset that she is waiting for me to be the first one to bring up the subject. Even having four affairs can surely not compare to the grievous sin of forgetting one’s own wedding anniversary.

Day 18
This morning I gave Popuri a bouquet of Pink Cat flowers by way of apology for forgetting our wedding anniversary. She still has not touched on that point, but she seemed happy enough to accept the flowers, and so I must assume she has forgiven me for now. Just in case, however, I shall make an extra effort on our next anniversary, not to mention her and Tony’s birthdays.

Day 19
It was snowing today, and so what better time to present Anton’s guide to weather? When you first arrive in Mineral Town, you are a puny weakling barely able to work on the sunniest of days, and so rainy and snowy days are a nightmare until you gain Kappa’s mystic berry and the resistance it gives (I recommend doing in this first year, and not waiting until the second as I did, or your first winter will be a hell of exhaustion and fainting). Blizzards and hurricanes are even more troublesome, but after my first year here, I have not suffered them- could it be that a kindly god is looking after me and keeping the weather less extreme?

Day 20
As winter drags on, today I must write Anton’s guide to fishing. Fishing can only be said to be tedious and difficult, and the reward for doing well at it is nothing more than a fishing pole so that you can fish some more. Even so, much as may try to avoid it, eventually your life will reach the stage where fishing actually becomes attractive, at which point you will cast your rod and try to catch something. Expect to waste many hours waiting for a tug on the line, and for much of what you catch to be simple junk. There are, however, legendary fish to go after, although I have never actively pursued these, and am not planning to start in the near future.

Day 21
In today’s Anton’s guide, I shall talk about one of the more useless aspects of the farm, namely its dog. For much of the year, the dog does little to nothing of worth- and for some reason you cannot even make it use its doghouse (I recommend placing it in the barn instead if you wish to keep it out of the rain). The only time it can shine is in the winter dog race, and if you wish to achieve victory in that, you must train it assiduously with the dog ball. Whatever you do, do not lose the dog ball within a day of having it as I did.

Day 22
Today on Anton’s guide, I must discuss my good friend the horse. Although you must spend a year raising him (and if you don’t do a good enough job, Barley will take him away), it is time well spent, as once he is fully grown, you can ride him around the farm and train him for the spring horse. Sadly, he seems disinclined to leave the farm, which is a shame as he could make trips to town and Mother’s Hill that much more swift and efficient.

Day 23
Winter continues apace with another Anton’s guide, this one about Harvest Sprites. Many will try to convince you that Harvest Sprites are a good alternative to working on the farm, but trust me, they are not all they are cracked up to be. Not only can they not feed the chickens or talk to the animals as they should, but even simple watering and harvesting takes them all day, to the point where you can either spend three hours doing it yourself, or twelve hours hovering over the harvest sprites, wondering if they will get the job done by the end of the day.

Day 24
It was the Starry Night Festival today, and so I was forced to nap outside for nearly half the day whilst waiting for Popuri to make all the preparations for the evening celebration. As always, she cooked the same meal, before we went up Mother’s Hill to watch the stars- predictably, Popuri said the exact same thing as on the last two occasions. Nothing will ever change in this repetitive town.

Day 25
Despite having stayed up all night, my many days of sleep meant that I was well able to cope with one night of deprivation, and so I set about my tasks as usual come the morning. In Anton’s guides, I must cover the hothouse today- when you first get it, you will find it small, crappy and most disappointing, but in time you will come to accept it as it is. Suggested uses include growing flowers for the girls or crops for cooking, but for those looking for quick and easy profits, I suggest filling it up with pineapples or sweet potatoes.

Day 26
The latest Anton’s guide shall cover cooking, a skill with which I have gradually become more experienced over these last couple of years. Without a recipe, you are doomed to food fiascos, but with them, there is an actual chance that you can produce something of merit. Start simple, with boiled eggs and hot milk, until you gain the confidence to tackle complex dishes like cookies and that accursed mixed latte.

Day 27
In my final Anton’s Guide, I must cover lumber, that underrated force of the farm. Mostly it must be given to Gotz for building (don’t ever buying it when it is just lying around for free), but it can be useful for lighting fires and making fences. Sadly, these fences quickly rot and need constant rebuilding, but to me that just typifies the cruelness of this world.

Day 28
Another dull winter day, and now I don’t even have any guides to write- just a little longer, Anton…

Day 29
I must hold on; hang in there, Anton.

Day 30
So excited was I about the end of the year and my trial phase that I didn’t even bother to tend to the animals today- instead I went up Mother’s Hill and slept until midnight whilst waiting for the Year End festival to start. As per usual, I talked with the attendees (the same old bunch) before watching the sun rise on a new day- and the beginning of my fourth year on the farm.

Spring Day 1
The mayor came over today to evaluate my farm and take me to Rose Square to see what the villagers thought of me. Everyone there was full of praise, and there was no talk of sending me away, and so I guess I have been properly accepted into the village to farm forever. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oddly, during the night I had a bizarre dream- in it, the television switched on and a mysterious voice told me that my entire existence is within a game, and were I ever to leave Mineral Town, I would cease to exist. According to the voice, I am but the latest in a long line of Antons, all bred to become the perfect farmer. It seems there is no escape for my family and I…

Day 2
Another routine day; this time I only spent 50 minutes awake before going back to bed- I hope Popuri doesn’t think worse of me because of this.

Today I shall cover Anton’s guide to festivals, those inescapable celebrations that permeate every season. When you first arrive in Mineral Town, you will quickly become annoyed at the frequency and general pointlessness of these celebrations, and over the years these feelings never quite go away- especially when you realise that the villagers always say and do exactly the same thing at each festival. In time, however, you do come to accept them a little more, for instead of being irritating distractions from vital work, they serve as a welcome break from the increasing monotony of your repetitive life.

Day 3
It may be a mere two days after my self imposed isolation, but I was forced to go out today in order to stock up on cooking ingredients at the supermarket. After chatting to Karen, I bought four bottles of oil and four packets of flour- enough to sustain my culinary interests for the foreseeable future. Back home, I put some of the oil to good use in creating a stir fry; I must say that I am slightly disappointed to be running out of new recipes to try, but there will be a sense of accomplishment once I have created almost every dish possible (certain ones are beyond me due to a lack of base ingredients such as chocolate).

Day 4
Today I had my first go at baking a cake, and I must say that it turned out much better than I had anticipated- I may even keep a slice of it for the cooking festival (surprisingly, it will not go stale and mouldy as long as it is kept in the fridge). Unfortunately, I have also run out of milk, and so I must remember to keep some when I milk the cows tomorrow instead of turning it all into cheese for shipping as I usually do.

Day 5
As planned, today I only shipped Elrood and Colbrech’s gold milk before taking the rest into the house to be stored in the fridge. I also found some gold milk in the fridge, which was taken back into the barn to be turned into gold cheese and shipped- no sense wasting precious golden milk on cooking when the ordinary stuff will do just as well.

Anyway, once all tasks were complete I went back into the house and whipped up a serviceable cheesecake- I believe I may have found a previously undiscovered talent for making desserts.

Day 6
Since I am still in dessert mode, today I had a go at Pumpkin Pudding- I was slightly worried at how such a dish would taste, but thankfully it seems to be quite delicious.

Today I shall present Anton’s guide to mining- when you first come to farm, you do not expect to have to do mining work as well, but actually it is quite profitable and therapeutic. Although the winter mine has rare and more expensive ores, it is the default mine that I love, and many non-hours have been spent there, suspending the passage of time as I dig for metals and money.

In time, however, the mine loses its lustre, especially when you realise that being there does not help the day to pass any quicker.

Day 7
Continuing in the dessert theme, today I whipped up some ice cream- quite an achievement even for a man of my skills, I feel. Unfortunately, this means that I have run out of eggs for cooking, and so tomorrow I must collect some.

In today’s Anton’s guide, I will discuss cows- when you first get your cow, they seem cute, new and exciting, but by the time you have ten, you will come to dread going into the barn. Yes, the dairy is highly profitable, but when you have to feed, milk and talk to ten identical cows every day, it soon becomes tiresome- especially when the cows are prone to milling around and form multi-cow masses that are difficult to interact with. There are days when I have had to leave the milking half finished because all the cows have fused together and I can’t get to them all.

Day 8
Since I now feel that I have done all I can with desserts, I have decided to move onto creating drinks in the kitchen. Today I whipped up some fruit juice, before adding some milk to create a fruit latte- it looks slightly disgusting, but perhaps someone I know will like it.

In this Anton’s guide, I shall cover sheep- like cows, they make the barn a nightmare whilst being generally less cute and naked most of the time. The only consolation is that they only need shearing once a week, if you can handle the multi sheep masses that form, or their inevitable fusion with the cows.

Day 9
Today I decided to get adventurous with drinks in the kitchen, starting out with vegetable juice, a rather unappetising green concoction. By adding milk, I was able to bring out the flavour of the carrots and make an equally hideous vegetable latte, but when I tried to put fruit and vegetable lattes together to create a mixed latte, it was all too much, and I ended up with yet another food fiasco.

In other news, it is the dog race tomorrow, and despite my embarrassing performance last year, I agree to enter. If nothing else, it will be good for a laugh.

Day 10
It was the Dog Race today, and as I had predicted, Potato performed abysmally on the track, rolling around and cocking his leg when he was supposed to be running after me. Needless to say, we came last, but it is hardly unexpected when that damned Won won’t sell me another dog ball! I even bought that SUGDW apple from him in order to encourage him to offer me another dog ball, but he refused to take the bait.

Day 11
Today I tried mixing fruit and vegetable juice to make mixed juice- mindful of my errors with the mixed latte, I kept my recipe simple, and to my delight it actually worked! Tomorrow I must work up the courage to try mixed latte again, for a mere drink should not be enough to defeat me.

Today in Anton’s guide, I shall discuss foraging- in spring, summer and especially autumn, foraging is an essential yet time consuming way to pick up unique items. In the early days, the profit garnered from selling these items is vital, but later on you can collect them for use in recipes or winning girls’ hearts. Eventually, however, you will inevitably tire of it, and when it seems like too much effort to step just outside your farm to pick up a few mushrooms and bits of grass, it is inevitably time to abandon it altogether.

Day 12
I once again tried to make mixed latte today, but despite the most meticulous of preparation, it turned into a failure yet again. I feel I must give up on this, for clearly mixed latte and I were never meant to be.

In this Anton’s guide, I shall talk about crops- despite taking up hours in terms of watering and harvesting, there is no greater satisfaction than seeing a field full of fruits and vegetables. Always make sure to keep some for cooking, however, no matter how much you want to ship them all and reap in even higher profits.

Day 13
Another standard day today, and so I shall discuss other farms in Anton’s Guide; although these farms must exist as their owners attend the dog and horse races, as well as the other animal related festivals, you can never visit them, nor can you interact with the strange men that run them. I have longed to share tales of farming hell with these strange men, but it seems I am destined never to talk to them- even the villagers refuse to share stories about them. I feel that if I could unravel this mystery, I would understand a lot more about my world.

Day 14
It was Winter Thanksgiving today, and so Popuri snuck a slice of delicious chocolate cake into my rucksack- although as such a dish is so rare, I must store it with last year’s cake instead of eating it. I was hoping the other girls would remember their spring promises and give me some chocolate as well, but either they were afraid to approach a married man, or they came whilst I was in bed, which admittedly was for 23½ hours of the day.

Day 15
Another uneventful day today, which is why I must relate Anton’s guide to grass and weeds. Weeds are the primary evil of anyone with a pasture, and the only way to avoid having to exhaust oneself cutting them down every day is to plant far more grass than you could ever possibly need. Those who followed my Project G will know that this is no easy task, but if you devote yourself to it, you will be delighted at how much it reduces the weed problem. That being said, be sure you don’t accidentally sickle down your crops when cutting grass, and be warned that the weeds will not give up entirely- they will still affect the crop section of your pasture.

Day 17
Just as I was beginning to despair of ever getting Karen to the red heart level of affection for me, today’s gift of wine proved to be enough to push her over the edge. After dropping in on the other girls to ensure that their affections for me had not slipped, I can confidently announce that my wife and the four other eligible girls of the village are all now head over heels in love with me. My studliness knows no bounds.

Day 18
Another batch of sweet potatoes and green peppers was in today, and whilst I harvested them, I pondered something which has begun to disturb me. Although there is a water trough in Seiran’s stable, there isn’t one in either the barn or the henhouse, and as my livestock never go outside, that means they never get anything to drink! They do not seem unhappy about this situation, and it hasn’t adversely affected their health, but it is most puzzling.

Day 19
I have visited the supermarket no small amount of times in my quest to woo Karen, but even so, it was only today that I finally remembered to stock up on fish food. Determined not to forget again, I even took a break in the middle of the usual tasks to nip down there and top up the food bin. Not that it seems to make much difference- the fish barely breed any more, and when they do, I usually remove and sell the extras to keep their numbers at an even 70 (it also makes for a nice bit of cash on the side- not that I’m particularly in need of such a thing anymore).

Day 20
Since it is the Sheep Festival tomorrow, Barley came over to ask if I’d like to enter, and with the promise of gold wool dangling in front of me, I sent Brimstne with him. I must not forget to attend tomorrow, as it would be most embarrassing to enter a sheep and then not even show up.

As today was extremely routine, I shall take the opportunity to present Anton’s guide to villagers in this entry. As with the girls, the villagers are easily swayed by gifts of items they like, and in return they will impart juicy gossip about each other or recipes for one to try out in the kitchen. Be warned, however, trying to converse with a villager is a somewhat monotonous task, as they refuse to be diverted from uttering their favourite sentences unless the most extraordinary of circumstances apply.

Day 21
As always happens on any day when I have to rush off to a festival, a new crop of sweet potatoes and green peppers was ready today, and so the morning was spent frantically harvesting them and getting all the other jobs done before heading off to the sheep festival. Once there, I made sure to chat to all of the girls who attended, but to my eternal disappointment, no one had anything to say that was any different to the comments they made last year. In consolation, however, Brimstne was easily able to walk away with first place, and so I have another gold wool producer.

Day 22
I was able to get my first gold wool from Brimstne today, and although it is always a little strange to have wool that appears white on a sheep and yet turns gold when sheared, I cannot complain about the extra profit this will generate. The lagging patches of sweet potatoes were also ready today, although I had to harvest them in the pouring rain- better that than them rotting in the bad weather, though. The increased rain seems to be a sign that winter is coming, that dreaded most boring season of all.

Day 23
Today was meant to be a quiet day, but as so often happens, something just had to go wrong. After tending to the livestock in the barn, the warm sunlight made me feel so drowsy that I ended up dropping off to sleep for over five hours! During this time, two of the cows managed to get out and gorge themselves on the pasture, forcing me to spend all afternoon and evening trying to push them back inside with the help of the near useless bell to guide their way. It was gone midnight by the time the second cow was back in with the rest- I must never let this happen again.

Day 24
Having been emboldened by yesterday’s escapade, another cow tried to escape today, but this time I was ready for her, and before she could head over to the fields, I quickly pushed her back indoors. Roaming free may sound like a better option for all concerned, but can I really let my livestock out when they could become soaked in the rain or chilled in the snow? I think not.

Yet another crop sweet potatoes and green peppers was ready today- there is something to be said for fast regrowing crops, and that is that they are nothing but hard work.

Day 25
After a long period of neglect, today saw the rebirth of the cooking era, as I attempt to put together dishes that I have never tried before. Today’s effort was strawberry jam, which is as easy to make as apple and grape jam, and is also one of Popuri’s favourites. She was certainly delighted with my efforts, and I hope I can make her more strawberry related dishes in the future.

Day 26
Cooking continued apace today, as I tried another simple strawberry concoction- strawberry milk. I must say that it looked a rather off-putting shade of pink to my eyes, but Popuri happily accepted it and gulped it down, so I must be doing something right. Then again, her love of strawberries and milk could just be such that she would love anything that contained those ingredients, regardless of actual taste.

Day 27
Another crop of sweet potatoes, eggplant and green peppers was in today, and as there will not be time for the next batch of eggplant to ripen before the end of the season, I chopped them down- I always feel bad removing plants, but it saves on the watering. Unfortunately, I also happened to notice that Potato’s love for me had decreased due to the general lack of attention I have been paying him, and so I must make sure to hug him and whistle to him once a day from now on.

In cooking news, today I decided to have a go at a salad, and luckily, I was successful. I must admit that salads can get boring, but it is important to have a healthy option when cooking.

Day 28
It was raining again today, and as usual the lagging sweet potatoes were ready a day after the speedier ones. Since these lagging ones will not have time to produce another crop, I cut them down, reducing my growing area to a mere three patches- and once winter rolls in, both crop and grass growth will be nonexistent (outside the hothouse, of course).

With sweet potatoes weighing heavily on my mind, I decided to have a go at cooking one, and as I had hoped, I put together a tasty dish. I was of half a mind to eat it myself, but knowing how much Popuri loves them, I decided to let her have the whole plateful instead.

Day 29
There was a chill breeze in the air today, a sure sign that autumn is slowly dying and winter is stepping up to take its place. Much as I may wish for warm winter clothes, however, I must make do with the same outfit that I have worn for three years as I go about my normal tasks- if only I could wear something a little more flattering.

In the kitchen, I had a go at making some veggie pancakes, which thankfully turned out well, even if they did use up the last of my flour and oil. I will have to restock at the supermarket.

Day 30
The season ended on a quiet note today, as I chopped down the last few crops and saw to the usual tasks without even bothering to cook anything. Just one more season remains until my ‘evaluation phase’ is over, but surely no one can argue that I have succeeded on this farm- I may even be richer than the mayor himself. And yet it depresses me somewhat that I have come to accept this life, for now it seems that farming defines my entire existence.

Unfortunately, it must be mentioned that the change of season seems to have affected the hens, who have had one of their non-egg-laying days again.

Day 2
Carter came over this morning to remind me about the music festival- even though I have done this for two years now, I wish he would give me time to practise, as we do not even have sheet music at the event and invariably sound awful. Ah well, the villagers seem to enjoy it.

Tony seems to have developed a little more- his vocabulary is expanding to include words like “gyatte” and “kya”, which he says when I give him apples and honey. I am sure my son is destined to be a genius of some sort.

Day 3
The spinach and green peppers have begun to sprout today, a sure sign that autumn has begun in earnest. Unfortunately, however, once my regular tasks were completed, I had to stay up in order to attend the music festival, and so after occupying myself with a touch of foraging and lumber chopping (I must return to the long aborted task of amassing 999 pieces of lumber for no real purpose), I went over to the church at 3pm and waited for three hours for the festival to begin. As usual, I saw no one entering the church, and yet at 6pm they were all assembled- did they arrive even earlier than I did, or can they teleport too?

I have to admit that our performance at the music festival seemed a little more polished than last year, but it can still only be said to be vaguely approaching the level of acceptable. Oh well, it’s not as if I’ve even had any proper ocarina practice.

Day 4
After the exhaustion of playing the ocarina for hours at the music festival, I decided to take it easy today and only do the basic tasks. Everything in field is sprouting now, and a bumper set of crops cannot be far away.

As promised, on this quiet day I will write the beginning of my guides, starting with “Anton’s Guide to Flirting”. As a master of winning girls’ hearts, I can tell you that personality, conversation and paying attention to a girl all come secondary to one thing- giving her gifts. If you find the things that she likes best and give her endless amounts of them, she will fall for you regardless of how much you neglect her at other times to flirt with other women. Be warned, however- if she asks you a direct question, just agree with her, for to do otherwise is to risk a drop in her affections.

Day 5
Another standard day today, although after several days of neglecting her, I made sure to go into town and charm Karen with another eight-pack of wine. To my delight, my continual wine assault has raised her affection for me up to orange heart level, and so I am closer than ever to having a complete set of red heart girls. The only trouble is that four of them will have to either enter a loveless marriage with another man, or pine after me for eternity.

Day 6
The spinach and the first crop of sweet potatoes were ready today, ensuring that it would be a hectic day not unlike the sweet potato harvests of two years ago. Although this will reduce the watering in the long run, many hours had to be spent shipping the bulk of the crops, whilst placing nine pieces of spinach in the fridge (I must not forget to store some sweet potatoes too). Baskey has not been so thoroughly used in a while- in fact, I have sorely neglected it to the point where one day it just teleported itself to beside my shipping bin.

Tomorrow is my birthday, an event I now look forward with mixed feelings, for each year makes me that bit older, greyer and more entrenched in farm life.

Day 7
It was my birthday today, and whilst my ideal gift would have been to have someone take over my farm tasks (for at least a day, although preferably indefinitely), I had to make do with the usual slice of cake, cookies and bottle of milk that Popuri prepares for every celebration. I do appreciate the thought, though, and I must tell prospective partners that there are four dates they absolutely must not forget- their wife’s birthday, their anniversary, their child’s birthday and their own birthday (you might think it was okay to forget the latter, but that would mean you had mixed it up with one of the other, more important dates).

Day 8
It was raining this morning, but even so the mayor came over to remind me that it was the Harvest Festival tomorrow- although he spoke of it as if I have not attended for the last two years. Ah well, I supposed I must live with the villagers’ limited intellects forever.

The carrots and the first crop of green peppers was ready today, and so I spent the morning gathering them and putting them in the refrigerator. One day soon I must get back to cooking, and yet I barely have the enthusiasm for it anymore.

Day 9
It was the Harvest Festival today, although in a typical case of bad timing, the latest sweet potato crop was already ready. Even so, thanks to my efficient schedule, I was able to harvest most of them before it was time to set out, and fortunately I was able to take one sweet potato along to put in the pot. Once again, however, I must admit to being perplexed and confused, for not only do the villagers say the same things every year, but such phrases contradict each other. For example, Popuri acts as if we are not married and she still lives with Rick, whilst every year Karen drops a pot of jam in but Sasha says she brought chocolate the previous year instead of jam! I fear this is but the tip of the iceberg as far as the mysteries of this place are concerned.

Day 10
Another routine day today; after attending to everything on the farm, I made sure to pop into town and ply Karen with more wine. She certainly seems to have fallen hard for me, although of course that could just be the effects of the wine.

Back at home, Popuri has started commenting on how Tony is learning to talk; she is always saying how our son is everything to her, and yet she is willing to leave him unattended at home any time a festival rolls around! As for my part, I must admit that I am worried about the boy- he just doesn’t seem to be growing at all or learning how to walk. Are these just the concerns of an overprotective father, or is there really something to worry about?

I also paid a visit to Saibara for the first time in a while today- after softening him up with a gift of Orichalcum (in return for which he told me how to prepare pickled turnips), I gave him another piece to be turned into jewellery for one of the girls. He always makes bangles and necklaces, so I hope that this time he can produce something different.

Day 11
The first batch of eggplants was ready today, and so I harvested them for storage in the fridge- any further eggplant can be shipped, since I doubt I will be using it very often. Other than that, the day was entirely routine, and so I may as well spice it by relating my own personal guide to raising chickens. Chickens are my favourite animals- since you can walk through them, their house does not feel cluttered and restrictive, and they couldn’t care less if you talk to them or not, which suits my style of animal husbandry. Although they are generally good natured if you feed them regularly, they do occasionally have off days when they stop loving you and refuse to lay eggs, but this usually blows over.

Although it may sound cruel to some, I do not believe in letting chickens see the light of day (nine out of my ten chickens were hatched in the henhouse and have never left)- they may enjoy scraping worms out of the soil, but taking them outside leaves them open to the depredations of the weather and stray dogs. If you must let them out, at least build them a run out of lumber pieces- if they roam free, I can guarantee it will be more trouble than it is worth.

Day 12
It was raining today, and whilst this does save me time on the outdoor watering, a fresh batch of sweet potatoes and green peppers was ready to make up for it. Sadly, three patches of sweet potatoes are now lagging behind, a damning testament to my inability to fully concentrate on the watering on my off days.

Despite the downpour, I ventured into town to talk to Karen and give her wine- she must be close to red heart, but reaching that elusive state will not be as easy as I hope.

Day 13
It was the Moon Viewing Festival tonight, and so after my usual farm tasks were done and the lagging sweet potatoes were harvested, I rode Seiran for a bit before heading up Mother’s Hill to forage for a while before the festival began. After chopping a little lumber and picking up some items, I suddenly felt a need to go fishing, only to realise that my fishing rod was in a toolbox at home. I could have just left it, but with boredom as the only other option, I decided to rush home and pick it up. By the time I got back to the lake, there was still time for fishing, and I was even able to catch one- a vital injection of fresh blood into the stagnating pond.

Once the time for moon viewing was at hand, darkness fell swiftly, and as before, Popuri was waiting for me with a plate full of dumplings. I had half hoped that another girl would appear for the sake of originality, but it is rather heartening that Popuri is the most devoted to me.

Day 14
Even though I stayed up late for moon viewing, there is no rest for the wicked and so I was up again at 6am to tend to the farm this morning. Typically, it was raining, but even so I slogged through all the usual tasks before heading into town to pick up the jewellery from Saibara (another necklace) and some wine from Manna. After listening to Manna chat about Kai, I headed over to the supermarket to woo Karen with these gifts, confident that this was just what I needed to tip her into the red heart region. Unfortunately, she remains steadfastly on orange heart, and so I must continue to ply her with alcohol.

Day 15
The latest crop of sweet potatoes, green peppers and eggplant was in today, and so after all the other tasks had been seen to, I spent the morning in the fields, harvesting and shipping them all with the aid of Baskey. Afterwards, the warm sunshine compelled me to get Seiran out and have a nice ride on him; my only regret in filling my fields with grass is that I now cannot place lumber on it in order to make a set of jumps for us to practise with.

In the afternoon, I finally decided to dismantle the fence separating crops and grass- not only does it get in the way of harvesting, but half of it has rotted now to my lack of attention to it (well, there are better things to do than continually repair fences). I also made sure to cut some more grass and ride Seiran- he must be kept happy at any cost.

Day 17
Today was another of the quiet days I have become accustomed to, consisting of pottering around the farm and completing the usual tasks before cutting a little grass and then riding Seiran around the field for a while. No one can know of the private moments between a man and his horse, a relationship that provides things no woman can.

Day 18

The barn is a strange place sometimes, for within its depths I have seen cows walk through each other, creating mysterious multi-cow masses the like of which few have ever witnessed. Perhaps it was this that caused me to accidentally spill some fodder today, or perhaps it was the strain of my repetitive lifestyle. Whatever the case, today was spent in much the same fashion as yesterday, albeit with a fresh tomato harvest to attend to. After neglecting him so often, I have now found a new contentment riding Seiran around the fields, and so my afternoons shall be spent in this fashion whenever I am able to do so.

Day 19
Another crop of corn was ready today, and so the bulk of the day was spent harvesting it and turning it into chicken feed. I also had a visit from Barley to remind me that tomorrow is the day of the Cow Festival- I have entered Colbrech this year, in the hopes that she too can start producing golden milk. In the future, everything my farm produces shall be golden.

Day 20
Since it was the Cow Festival today, I set out to complete all tasks before attending, but unfortunately my general state of exhaustion and the soporific effect of the warm sunlight, I fell asleep under my apple tree until 2pm! Upon waking up, I realised how terribly I late I was, and rushed to the festival- where, as usual, everyone spouted the same stock phrases instead of even commenting on my tardiness. As I predicted, however, Colbrech easily took the prize at the festival, and so now she too will produce gold milk for me.

Day 21
The outdoor pineapples were ready today, and so the morning was spent harvesting them for pure profit- pineapples were once the making of my fortune, but now they are a mere addendum to my lucrative dairy and mayonnaise business.

The afternoon was spent clearing weeds and cutting grass, before taking Seiran for a quick ride and then turning in for the evening. Poor Karen, she must be feeling neglected, but it is her fault for having expensive tastes and a difficult schedule to marry up with my own.

Day 22
The lagging pineapples and another batch of tomatoes were ready today, although I must admit that I have perhaps overdone it with storing tomatoes, as I now have 51 in the fridge. Anyway, once all the usual tasks were completed, I forced myself to go into town and buy wine for Karen- a tedious task but a necessary one if I am to make her fall under my spell. If only Manna would let me buy eight bottles of wine at once- I feel like such an idiot having to stand there and ask to buy them one at a time.

Day 23
Another harvest of corn was ready today, and so the bulk of the day was devoted to turning it into chicken feed- at least until I finally filled up my feed bin with 999 units of it. I was initially going to ship the rest of the corn, but in the end I decided to store it in the fridge so that it can be turned into chicken feed at a later date.

Day 24
Since it was the Fireworks Festival today, I couldn’t just go to bed mid-afternoon as usual, so instead I busied myself with trivial tasks on the farm before collecting Pink Flowers from Mother’s Hill for the first time in ages and riding Seiran for a few hours- all designed to keep me occupied until 6pm. Finally, I made my way down to the beach, only to discover that Popuri had somehow got there before me (once again, Tony was left alone at home). Just as we did last year, Popuri and I watched the fireworks together before going home- although when she wasn’t looking I made sure to chat to the other girls.

Day 25
Even though I stayed up late to watch the fireworks last night, it was business as usual this morning, with all the usual tasks to complete plus a particularly virulent bunch of weeds to deal with. Once everything was done, I contemplated cutting a large “ANTON” into the tall grass, but ultimately decided this was a little too pointless and immature even for someone whose life has become as crushingly repetitive as mine.

Day 26
Some more tomatoes were ready today, but bearing in mind the number I already have stored in the fridge, I decided to ship these ones- surely all but the most alarmingly enthusiastic of cooks can make do with 51. After this and all the other tasks were completed, I decided that a visit to town was in order, and so after buying a fresh batch of wine I met Karen outside the supermarket. Although Rick was watching us, I boldly gave her all the wine, and to my delight, it increased her affection for me to yellow heart level! She now seems more enamoured with me than ever, telling me how impressed she is that someone her age is running a farm.

I cannot say that it has escaped my notice that my life, and thus the diary that mirrors it, has become even more monotonous than ever of late, and therefore I shall try to add a little variety by using slow days to compile “Anton’s Guide to…”, a distillation of the handy tips and tricks I have learnt from two and half years in farming hell.

Day 27
A bumper crop of pineapples and corn was ready today, and so the bulk of the day was spent harvesting them (the pineapples for shipping, the corn for storage) before cutting down their respective plants- aside from the lagging specimens, there is not time for the plants to produce any more crops before the cool autumn breeze causes them to wilt and die. Between the corn and stored chicken feed, I should be free from spending money at Chicken Lil’s for a long time to come.

Day 28
The last few outdoor pineapples were ready today, and so when they were done, I decided to give thanks for the bounty of my farm by offering five of them up to the Harvest Goddess (I’m not religious, but when a goddess lives next door, it doesn’t hurt to make friends with her). In return, she promised to give me a special event with my ‘sweetheart’, but to my disappointment, all that happened was that I saw Popuri on her way to have a bath in the hotsprings. Oddly, however, she vanished as soon as she got there, and when I went home, she was already there! Was it just an illusion, or can Popuri teleport? She does move from the house to festival locations amazingly swiftly, after all.

Day 29
Since the number of fish in the pond has remained at 75 for a while, it seems as if that may be the maximum I can have (still quite an impressive number for such a small pond), therefore five of them have been taken out and shipped.

In other news, today was the first rainy day for a while; how typical for it to start raining once I have barely anything left outside to water. With the lack of crops ensuring that farm tasks were completed swiftly, I had ample time to visit Karen and give her more wine- I only hope that I am not turning her into an alcoholic. I must also note that Karen’s living area is but a single room that also contains two beds- presumably one for Karen and one for her parents. Are Jeff and Sasha celibate, or is poor Karen forced to listen to their, ahem, ‘congress’, from the next bed? Surely the supermarket must be generating enough profit for them to build an extension for separate sleeping areas.

Day 30
The last day of this long, hot summer has finally arrived, and to my disappointment, the tomatoes had not produced any more fruit, making the last few days of watering them a complete waste of time. At least some hothouse pineapples were ready to take away the sting of seeing those green and unripened tomatoes.

During the day, I made sure to go into town- not just to present Karen with more wine, but to pick up some seeds in preparation for the autumn planting. As well as buying one bag of eggplant, two bags each of carrot and spinach and five bags of sweet potato seeds from the supermarket, I hung around until after lunch to catch Won at the Inn and purchase a bag of green pepper seeds from him. I also discovered that my relationship with Ann and Doug has been strong enough for them to grant me access to their private living quarters, so naturally I had a good look around before going home again.

Having completed the basic tasks before the festival, I was left free to spend the evening watering all the new crops I had planted earlier. I think I may have gone a bit overboard in buying crops for the summer, as I ended up planting one plot of tomatoes, four plots each of Pineapples and Pumpkins, five plots of corn and two plots of onions. At least I will have corn ready for Kai- he didn’t come to visit my farm when he came back to town yesterday, and so I can’t help feeling that our relationship has suffered.

Day 2
After completing the basic tasks and harvesting the latest batch of hothouse pineapples, I realised that it would be prudent to stock up on fish food, a task which necessitates a visit to the supermarket. Since I knew Karen would be there, I decided to stop by the winery first and pick her up a few bottles of her favourite wine (or rather, the only wine available in this place). Unfortunately, no sooner had I bought my first bottle from Manna and approached her to purchase the second (she will only let me buy one at a time- probably because she likes to keep me talking) than she took it to mean I was giving the wine back to her as a gift! In return, she told me the recipe for greens, which perhaps would have been helpful if I hadn’t made greens long ago.

Anyway, after navigating Manna’s repetitive and talkative ways long enough to purchase eight bottles of wine, I went over to buy the fish food and talk to Karen, who is certainly opening up to me- she even said that even though the supermarket is not well stocked, she is glad it has everything I need to farm.

In the evening, I went foraging for the first time this season, collecting both Red Grass and a healthy crop of Pink Cat flowers.

Day 3
Even though I went through this exact same rigmarole last year, once again I almost forgot Popuri’s birthday- it was only when I came home from foraging and saw the party food she had cooked that I realised the occasion. In an echo of last year, I rushed down to the supermarket to wrap the Pink Cat flowers I had collected for her, before whipping up some scrambled eggs for her in the kitchen- a tried and tested recipe for success. Of course, she was delighted, and our love remains as strong as ever.

In other news, something has sprouted in the field- I think it must be the tomatoes, but having planted so much, I cannot be entirely sure.

Day 4
After the bustle of getting settled into a new season, I decided to take it easy today, which basically means doing all the usual backbreaking chores before going to bed before midday (I hope Popuri and Tony do not think less of me for doing this). The corn and onions seem to have sprouted, and so I may as well reveal that my plan for the corn is to use it to maximise my chicken feed stores. In an ideal world, I would thus become entirely independent of Chicken Lil’s, but since there is insufficient room in the hothouse and only one growing season for corn, I must accept that I will be buying chicken feed from Lilia for at least part of the year.

Day 5
I have finally constructed the routine for summer, which first consists of handling all the daily farm tasks before heading down to the winery to purchase wine for Karen, before giving them to her at the supermarket and then heading back to forage. Since the supermarket is not open every day, I will forego visiting Karen on those days, and of course on days when crops have ripened outside, I may have to neglect her in favour of getting them all harvested.

In the hothouse, a new batch of pineapples had ripened today, whilst outside, the pumpkins have finally sprouted. I cannot help wondering why I bought so many pumpkin seeds- did Jeff bewitch me into spending money in his store? Am I the reason the Supermarket has paid off all its debts? No wonder they are so friendly towards me.

Day 6
I am beginning to wonder if this whole courtship business is really worth it; I mean, no matter how many times I try to start a conversation with my girls, they only ever say the same two lines to me- and Popuri is only marginally better! How can I ever really get to know them when they never say anything else? Are they truly so boring that they have nothing else to talk about? Nonetheless, I must finish what I started, and that means getting Karen to red heart level.

Back on the farm, the pineapples have finally sprouted, which means everything in the field is coming along nicely. Tomorrow is the chicken festival, so whilst I will have less time for farm tasks, hopefully I can turn another chicken into a golden egg layer.

Day 7
With the Chicken Festival at the forefront of my mind, I hurried through my farm tasks before randomly pick up a chicken to take along. The chicken in question happened to be Lemon, and so she and I made our way to Rose Square. Once again, I was able to claim victory over the other chickens (who were the same colour as last year), although the final was a tensely fought battle, unlike the easy victory I managed with Jade.

One thing I must question is the existence of the seven other entrants in the tournament, these mysterious men who come from other farms just for our festivals. Where do they live? Why can’t I talk to them before and after the festival? If they are attached to other towns, why am I never invited to participate in their festivals? I have so many questions about this, and yet have no idea who could possibly answer them to my satisfaction.

Day 8
I never anticipated how tedious buying wine for Karen would be- I simply have to switch my brain off when talking to Manna, for the repetitive prattle I must go through just to buy a single bottle at a time would otherwise drive me mad. Why can’t Karen have a taste for things picked up off the ground or easily prepared from farm produce like the other girls?

In consolation, this morning I got to see the splendid sight of two golden eggs in the henhouse, although I got so excited about this that I managed to spill one pot of the golden mayonnaise thus produced on the ground. Oh well, if all goes well, in eight years’ time I will have all golden eggs.

Day 9
The onions were ready to harvest today, and so I decided to forego a visit to both the winery and Karen in order to collect and store them, before heading back out in the afternoon to cut grass and thus replenish my fodder supply. I must admit that my fridge is quite impressive, for it has 64 slots which can take up to 99 of an item, and thus it must be the only fridge in the world that can take 6336 normal sized food items. My cabinet is able to achieve the same for non-food items, although I wonder why flowers can survive in a cabinet when food that should be stored at room temperature has to be placed in the fridge. Whatever the case, nothing ever spoils within their confines, and so perhaps I should just accept this good fortune.

Day 10
It was the first rainy day of summer today, which not only saved me several hours of watering, but left me disinclined to do much else in the way of work. So it was that after finishing the usual tasks and harvesting the season’s first crop of tomatoes to store in the fridge, I decided to head back to bed at the early hour of 7:50am, ensuring that I had gone to bed before most people even get up. Hopefully the following 22 hours and 10 minutes of sleep will do me good.

Day 11
I once again decided to spend the entire day attending to farm tasks, and so after the regular tasks had been attended to and a new batch of pineapples shipped from the hothouse, I pottered around the pasture, cutting down weeds and grass, and riding my horse around. I have effectively given up on foraging, since I no longer really need flowers and the like for the sake of courtship, and I already have plenty stored anyway.

Day 12
It was the Tomato Festival today, and whilst I happen to think this particular festival is the biggest waste of time ever to grace Mineral Town, I decided to attend in order to inject some variety into my monotonous life. Determined to erase the shame of my instant loss last year, I joined up with Popuri and Rick (forcing Kai to the sidelines- how dare he get close to my wife?), but alas, it was not to be, for after the first volley of tomatoes, my team was eliminated. Ultimately, it was Manna and Duke’s team that won, and as expected, Manna wouldn’t shut up afterwards. I can’t help but feel sorry for Duke, and I completely understand why their daughter left for the city as soon as she could.

Day 13
After the disappointment of the Tomato Festival, I was all too ready to avoid human contact today, and so I once again focused purely on farm-related tasks, including tackling the ever present weed problem. The grass has largely eliminated the weed issue, but even so they still take root in the crop area of the field, and the hot summer days seem to lend them a particular viciousness.

During the afternoon, I rode brushed Seiran and rode him around the field- he seems to have dropped to nine hearts of love for me, and so I must pay him special attention.

Day 14
Today I forced myself to go into town and see Karen, and thankfully my efforts were rewarded, for not only has she reached the green heart level of affection, but she has stopped going on about the supermarket and revealed some juicy details about her parents often fight and make up.

In other news, Seiran is still down on the embarrassing nine heart level, and so I made sure to brush and ride him around again after the usual tasks were completed. No one, animal or human, must waver in their unquestioning love of the great Anton.

Day 15
As predicted, Kai showed up today, eager to have a sample of this year’s corn harvest. I’m not sure what he wants the corn for since he already has a supply of it to create the popcorn he sells, but perhaps he just wishes to see if my harvest is superior to his other sources. I am sure it must be much juicier and sweeter than the average corn, but sadly I will not be shipping much this year- most of it is to be turned into chicken feed.

Anyway, as well as doing all the usual tasks, today I had to turn 39 cobs of corn into chicken feed (take that, Lilia!) and harvest four plots of pumpkins (three for shipping, one to be put in the fridge)- a workload that ensured I didn’t have time to leave the farm all day. Happily, Seiran is back up to ten hearts, as I didn’t really have the time to ride him either.

Day 16
Tony has magically grown a little bit today, and has now started crawling, enabling me to finally talk to and interact with him. This means I can finally give him gifts, and so I have started with Wild Grapes, which he seems to like- bringing his love for me up to two hearts.

Once outside, I set to work harvesting the latest batch of ripe Pineapples and half of the cabbages (the others are lagging behind)- I have placed the cabbages in the fridge as I will no doubt need some for cooking. Afterwards, I headed over to the supermarket to buy two bags of cucumber seeds and four bags of potato seeds for planting- hopefully they will produce a reasonable amount of crops before the end of the season. Of course, I stopped in to chat with the girls on the way, and to my delight, Mary was won over to red heart level by my gifts! Three girls down, two to go.

I must also note that the other day Won came over to sell me a SUGDW apple, and out of curiosity, I finally bought it- only to discover that it looks the same as a normal apple! Damn that swindling conman…

Day 17
Since the horse race draws near again, the Mayor arrived this morning to take Seiran away- I hope we can make a good showing this year, for this time around we have had plenty of training.

Thanks to the rain, it didn’t take a great deal of time to finish all the farming tasks, enabling me to switch to the Ann phase of Operation Secret Affair. I had intended to give her grilled fish, but after my first attempt to grill a large fish ended in a food fiasco, I decided to just begin by giving her dishes that I already cooked. Even though she has grown up eating Doug’s home cooking, she seemed very appreciative of the dishes I gave her, and so hopefully the way to her heart shall be through her stomach.

Day 18
With the Horse Race imminent, I decided to work hard and get everything done beforehand, but as always that meant that something had to go wrong, with a sheep surging out of the barn once the animals were done. Nonetheless, I was able to get everything done by 10:10am, and although I was a little late to the Horse Race, no one seemed to mind.

As usual, I was set to run in the third race, and thinking that I would get paid something if I won, I chose not to bet on any of the races, instead admiring the different colour horses from unknown other farms (why did I only have the choice of a basic brown horse?). Anyway, once my time to race came, I was able to keep Seiran at the head of the pack, and although it was only by a narrow margin, I was able to snatch victory. Unfortunately, all I got as a reward was a commemorative photograph, but I am sure the villagers respect me more now.

Day 19
After completing the usual farm tasks, this morning I had intended to woo Ann with some spa-boiled eggs, but as sometimes happens, those damned chickens had taken a day off again. Instead, I was forced to whip up eight bowls of Mushroom Rice for her, although fortunately I had prepared for this eventuality by purchasing rice balls the other day. I have since restocked with rice balls at the supermarket, even though buying them one by one is a painful and tedious task.

As per usual, the afternoon was spent foraging before I went back to the pasture to cut down just enough grass to maximise the fodder in my silo. The importance of foraging cannot be stressed enough, as the wild grapes I picked up last autumn have been vital in increasing Tony’s love for me from a measly one heart to a solid six. Unfortunately, I am now running love on grapes, so I must find something else he likes.

Day 20
Today I tried Tony with honey and apples- like his mother, he has a sweet tooth and loves honey, but is slightly less enamoured with apples- even so, his love for me has gone up to seven hearts.

After completing the usual tasks today, I spa-boiled eight of my eggs and took them over to Ann, a gift that propelled her love for me into the yellow heart region. How easily everyone in this village is won over by material gifts, but then it is the same everywhere.

Day 21
The Mayor came over first thing this morning to remind me about the cooking festival- I thought he would pick up his cucumbers at the same time, but instead he left without them, forcing me to trek into town in the pouring rain to deliver them. Naturally, I also took the opportunity to look in on the girls and give Ann some more spa-boiled eggs, as well as stopping at Chicken Lil’s to buy some more chicken feed.

In between all this, I would have liked to have get out of the rain, but unfortunately I had to spend most of the day harvesting the latest crop of strawberries. By that time, I was so drenched that I decided to forego foraging and instead cook up something for tomorrow’s festival. In the end, I settled on an apple pie, which I was able to create successfully. I hope it is enough to impress the Gourmet Judge.

Day 22
With the Cooking Festival set to begin at 10am, I was forced to hurriedly complete all the farming tasks first thing in the morning, including harvesting the latest bunch of Pineapples and a lagging patch of Strawberries which have been stored in the fridge. By 10:30am, my apple pie and I were ready to set out, and so we made our way to Rose Square to enter the contest and size up the competition. Apart from the inevitable food fiasco created by Karen, everyone seemed to have come up with a worthy dish, but I was quietly confident…at least until the Gourmet Judge once again had a rather mediocre reaction to my hard work and handed the prize over to Anna for her delicious dessert. After that disappointment, all I could bring myself to do was go straight to bed after the festival ended.

I should also note that Doug is as perceptive as ever, for he was claiming he was the only male entrant even though I tried to tell him I had brought an apple pie and would be entering too. What am I, chopped liver?

Day 23
The potatoes were ready today, and since I wanted to carry them all into the house rather than just ship them, I ended up spending all morning working in the fields. By mid-afternoon, I was finally ready to head into town, and so I spa-boiled some eggs for Ann (although unfortunately I accidentally threw one egg away) before setting out. Whilst at the inn, I picked up four more bags of Pineapple seeds from Won in preparation for the summer, whilst on the way back home I nipped into the supermarket to buy five bags of corn seeds, one bag each of tomato and pumpkin seeds and two bags of onion seeds. I may actually attend the swimming contest this year, and I don’t want to be rushing around at the beginning of summer trying to get everything bought.

Day 24
Now that the potatoes are gone, the watering is somewhat reduced, and so I was able to finish the basic farm tasks in time to catch Ann at the hot springs and have a chat in the fresh air whilst giving her some spa-boiled eggs. The change of scenery must have done our relationship some good, as I was able to nudge her affections in the orange heart zone- just one more level of affection to go.

In the afternoon, I spent time out in the fields cutting grass to replenish the silo’s stock of fodder before heading out to do my first foraging in a few days. I also made sure to give Tony a comb of sticky honey- his affection for me is already at nine hearts, and soon he will be utterly devoted to his father.

Day 25
Although I gave Tony plenty of apples and even some honey today, he refuses to increase his affections to that elusive ten heart level- clearly like any child he craves even more gifts and sweets than I can afford to give him.

Since it was raining today, I was able to use the time normally spent on watering to harvest some freshly ripened cucumbers and of course nip into town to give Ann some more spa-boiled eggs and drop in on the other girls. To my utter surprise, I am now allowed in the back room at the supermarket, and so I was able to see Karen, Sasha and Jeff’s living room for the first time. It is a touch on the small side, but this will let me meet up with Karen a lot more often- surely vital for winning her heart and completing the set of devoted girls.

After lunch, I really should have spent the afternoon foraging, but with the rain showing no signs of letting up, I decided to just go to bed and hope for better weather tomorrow.

Day 26
Tony has finally reached ten hearts of love for his daddy, and so I can rest assured that when and if he grows up, he willingly take over the farm, enabling me to enjoy a restful retirement. In other news, I went back to Karen’s living area today; not only does she own a cat named Gauguin, but she even has a frying pan from TV shopping! When did my life become so monotonous that such small and inconsequential details actually starting seeming interesting?

Although I am once again feeling the end of season lack of energy, I dragged myself out to do some foraging this afternoon, but with the prospect of ascending Mother’s Hill to pick flowers seeming like too much hard work, I went straight to bed afterwards.

Day 27
I spent an exhausting day in the fields today- the latest harvest of strawberries was ready, and so I had to gather them and then cut down all but the lagging patch as there will not be time for them to produce any more crops before the end of the season. At least this means watering will be easier for the next few days, as I only have one patch of strawberries and the cucumbers to worry about in the outside field.

Day 28
Summer may be just around the corner, but you wouldn’t know it from the way the rain was coming down this morning. Nonetheless, I decided to work in the fields for the bulk of the day, harvesting and cutting down the last patch of strawberries, and picking the Toy Flowers to take indoors before they wilt. The cucumbers now look quite lonely, but whilst I suspect they will not ripen again until the end of the season, I must leave them for now.

In the afternoon, I once again ignored the rain to go foraging, but for some reason I just didn’t feel motivated to go into town. I hope the girls will not think less of me for leaving them to their own devices for a couple of days.

Day 29
The last couple of days have seen a healthy yield of Pineapples grace the hothouse, and so it is that I have finally been able to amass over one million G. With this fortune, I must surely be by far the richest man in Mineral Town, but although I would love to buy the entire town and perhaps even beyond it, such things seem to be beyond my ability.

Having sadly neglected the girls for the last couple of days, I made sure to go down and see them this lunchtime, making sure of course to give Ann plenty of spa-boiled eggs. I had hoped that I could get her up to red heart level before the end of the season, but she remains steadfastly on orange heart.

Day 30
Spring has finally come to an end, and so it was with great regret today that I had to cut down my cucumber plants, knowing that if they had just had one more day I could have wrung another harvest out of them. Fortunately, as if to ease my pain, today I was able to catch Ann at the hot spring and give her enough spa-boiled eggs to tip her affections into the red heart zone. Now only Karen remains to fall prey to my charms, and so I must resolve to win her heart as well.

Back at home, I have started giving Tony honey every day- he seems to like the sweet taste. I only hope that too much of it will not make fat, ill or somehow turn him into a giant bee.

In other news, I should mention that Chef, the Harvest Sprite that I accidentally offended last year when he thought I was giving him a weed, seems to have forgiven despite my lack of recent contact with the Harvest Sprites. I sometimes feel tempted to hire them out again, but really I can do all the work much more efficiently on my own.

Day 1
My third year on the farm has commenced, and with it the snow has magically melted once more to reveal a bright new day (it has also reset all the grass to the same stage of growth, which looks less messy but prevents me from restocking the fodder silo straightaway). As soon as I got outside this morning, I planted all nine bags of Strawberry seeds, and later added five bags of Toy Flower seeds; it may seem like too much to handle, but as an experienced farmer I am confident that I can manage- I may even add a bag or two or cabbage seeds as I have no cabbages in the fridge. The spring mood also seems to have affected the animals, who were most energetic and intractable when I went into the barn to feed and milk them.

After devoting the afternoon to foraging for the spring items that the girls love so much, I went down to Rose Square to celebrate the New Year. All the older villagers were at the inn, and so I was able to chat up all the girls before sharing a dance with Popuri. Karen danced with Rick, but I’m sure she winked at me at one point.

Day 2
A busy day today, reminding me how different the bustling spring is from the sedate winter. After attending to the watering and the animals in the morning, I went down to town at lunchtime in order to catch Won and buy some more cabbage and pineapple seeds. Naturally, I took the opportunity to chat to all the girls, and a gift of eight Blue Grass for Mary turned out to be enough to tip her affections over into the green heart range.

Back home, I planted the two bags of cabbages outside, and used four bags of Pineapple seeds to optimise my hothouse. Crop efficiency has now been maximised in the hothouse, and so pineapples will form a regular line of profit.

Day 3
Since it was raining today, I was able to take a more Winter-like attitude to the farm tasks, eschewing watering for simply tending to the hothouse and animals. Afterwards, I naturally went into town to chat to all the girls and pick up some fish food- having somehow survived the pond being frozen all winter, the fish are now eating and breeding again, and their numbers are up to a solid 62.

In the afternoon, I turned my attention to foraging, before finally going to bed and trying to sleep despite Tony’s crying (I would pick him up and comfort him if I could, but for some reason I cannot).

Day 4
The rain must have done the fields some good, as the strawberries and toy flowers have all sprouted in the aftermath of the downpour (the cabbages are slow, but I have come to expect that). Unfortunately, since today was sunny and bright, I was forced to spend no fewer than four hours watering before nipping into town to chat to the girls. Afterwards, the afternoon was spent tending to the animals and foraging, although whilst out, I happened to run into a group of villagers talking to Harris. They were discussing an unknown furry attacker with long arms, a strange voice, at which point the bearded and muscular Gotz emerged from his house. Was it Gotz who scared them, and if so, was it intentional? Surely there cannot be anything sinister about a simple woodcutter…can there?

Day 5
The hothouse’s first Pineapples were ready today, and so it was with a sense of triumph that I harvested and shipped them, although I must remember to keep at least some of the next batch for cooking purposes. After they had been seen to, I went outside to continue the tedious task of watering, before taking a break to nip into town to chat to the girls. To my delight, not only did my continuing gifts bring Mary up to yellow heart level, but my daily chats with Ann have raised her to green heart. Now that Mary’s affections for me have grown, she has opened up to me a bit more, explaining how desperately she wants more people to come and use the library. I wish I could encourage the villagers to read more, but they seem an illiterate bunch, and are rarely willing to discuss anything with me outside of their limited parameters.

Naturally, in the afternoon I saw to the animals and went foraging again- I am now slightly worried about what will happen if I run into Gotz, but since I am well armed with various farming tools, I am not unduly concerned should he prove to be violent.

In other news, I have placed a Moondrop flower in the vase to give our bedroom that bright, spring-like feel.

Day 6
In an attempt to reduce the chaos in the barn, I tried feeding the animals first thing this morning, and while they were indeed orderly when I first walked in, they were soon milling around as usual- is there any way to avoid this pain? Other than that little change of routine, the day passed as normal with watering, tending to the animals and of course chatting to girls. I hope the men of the village are not becoming jealous of my prowess with the ladies, for they may come and sabotage my farm.

Day 7
Since my not insignificant patch of grass was ready today, I decided to put aside everything except the necessary farming tasks in order to concentrate on it- after all, I have used some 700+ bushels of fodder since I was last able to cut grass. After a day of intense cutting (and a relaxing mid-afternoon hot spring bath to resort my energy in the middle of it), I have finally restored my fodder count back up to the 600s, but I must put in additional work in order to cut down the rest of the field.

Day 8
The Spring Goddess Festival came around again today, and so as with last year, Popuri met me outside, dressed in her traditional costume. Although I felt somewhat guilty about leaving Tony crying indoors all day, I quickly finished up all my farm tasks and escorted her to the festival. As to be expected from this kind of event, it proceeded in exactly the same fashion as last year, with all the girls performing the dance before Popuri asked me to accompany her to the beach. I am only glad I managed to get everything done before the festival since, as always seems to happen, this simple sequence of events ended up taking up the rest of the day. Ah well, at least all the girls looked cute in their costumes.

Day 9
Since I was too busy yesterday to put any of the ripe Pineapples in the fridge, I took today’s harvest into the house- only to realise that I already have stored pineapples and don’t really need anymore. Fortunately, this little annoyance was soon erased by the fact that the first harvest of strawberries was ready, and so most of the day was spent collecting and shipping them (with eight saved for the icebox), with only a brief break in between to nip into town and visit the girls. I tried to explain to them that I would most likely be too busy on the farm in coming days to visit them as regularly, but as usual they did not want to engage in such a dialogue and instead repeated their same old lines.

Since harvesting and watering the crops took until late evening, I decided to forego foraging for the third day in a row- calm winter now seems far away compared to these hectic days.

In other news, the cows were so unruly this morning that I was forced to give up milking partway through, whilst my fence has had to be partially dismantled since it interferes with the harvesting of crops.

Day 10
Even though I promised to slack off on the secret affairs, somehow I just cannot resist- for example, today I had to call into Chicken Lil’s to pick up some more chicken feed, and so it seemed almost foolish not to present Mary with more gifts and chat to Elli and Ann on the way home (Karen is elusive during the mid-morning hours and so I had to miss her out). Afterwards, I went on a quick foraging mission in the vicinity of the hot springs, before returning home to cut down the rest of the grass and have a nice long soak before bed. I finally returned home at 10pm, my first late evening in many weeks.

Day 11
A fresh batch of Pineapples was ready today, and so after seeing to the animals, I harvested them prior to getting on with the other tasks. Once everything was done, I once again ventured into town to chat with Mary, and at long last my gifts were enough to swing her affections into orange heart level. The only trouble is that now she has begun talking of marriage- I already have to listen to Elli discuss wedlock, and now another woman wants to take my hand in marriage! When will they understand that they are mere dalliances who are lucky to get any attention from me- Popuri is, and always will be, my beloved wife.

In the afternoon, I turned my attention to foraging, and even ventured up Mother’s Hill to collect flowers for the first time in a while.

Day 12
Today was largely uneventful, which of course means that I had to work hard whilst encountering no particular novelties. I must, however, mention a rather bizarre post box that I have encountered in the middle of town- whenever I examine it, it says “How is your mother and father?”. Aside from the grammatical issues with this, I think everyone must agree that a post box that actually talks to you is a rare oddity indeed. I would of course like to contact my parents, but with no way to buy writing materials, I cannot send them any letters, and nor do they seem inclined to contact me.

Day 13
Since tomorrow is the spring thanksgiving festival (a time when one traditionally gives cookies to girls, even if I have thus far neglected to do so), I decided to have a go at whipping up some cookies in the kitchen, for although I already have a plateful for Popuri, it would be nice to make some for the other girls. Unfortunately, not only is the fridge getting bare of ingredients, but after painstakingly whipping up some butter, I accidentally threw it away mere moments later.

In an attempt to dull the pain of my idiocy, I went into town to chat with the girls, before heading back to forage on Mother’s Hill. At home, the Toy Flowers have finally bloomed, although since they look so pretty I will not pick them until the end of the season.

Day 14
Spring Thanksgiving is finally here, and so after giving Popuri my pre-prepared cookies (still fresh after all this time), I cooked up two more plates of cookies before running out of ingredients. Even though it was raining, I was able to track down Karen and Elli and give them the cookies, before purchasing some more flour and making further cookies for Mary and Ann. Everyone was delighted to receive cookies, and they even promised to give me something at winter thanksgiving, although the fact that I am married may prevent them from carrying out their word.

Thanks to the rain, I was able to skip the time-consuming watering and only do the most minimal of work on the farm, making sure of course to set aside some more eggs and milk for future cooking endeavours.

Day 15
As soon as I got outside this morning, the Mayor came over to talk to me, and for a moment I have to admit that I was worried he was going to take me to task for having secret affairs with all the eligible girls in the village. As it turned out, he just wanted some cucumbers for the cooking competition; since I haven’t planted any, I briefly went into a panic and contemplated rushing down to the supermarket to buy and plant some seeds, before realising that I have some in the fridge which I must remember to deliver to him on the 21^st. Either way, I may plant some cucumbers tomorrow, as I need to keep my fridge well stocked.

The second harvest of strawberries was ready today, and most of the day was spent collecting and shipping them, an exhausting task which ensured that I did not have the time or inclination for foraging or going into town.