It’s been a year of ups and downs, of anime gems and utter disappointments- a year when I’ve alternated between craving more and feeling utterly fed up with the continuing deluge of episodes that take no account of the fact that people might have other things to do than stay in and watch all day. Nonetheless, in true years-end tradition, we must review all the new series in an Annual Round-Up, a project which I meant to periodically update through the year but ended up writing at the last minute again.

As always, red titles are those which were dropped, and blues are the picks of the year. Come back on Tuesday for the New Year Rumble, in which we take a look at the year in the life of Azure Flame.

STILL RUNNING FROM 2006

Asatte no Houkou

The beginning of the year saw the end of Asatte no Houkou, a series that had started as a strong character drama and slice-of-life piece, but lost it somewhere with its slow pacing and plot contrivances. Ultimately, the series was a ‘curate’s egg’, good in parts but sorely lacking in others.
Final words: The series may have been called ‘The Direction of the Day After Tomorrow’, but sadly the plot sometimes lacked direction.

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto

Last year, I labelled the emerging Iroha as a tentative pick of the year, but in retrospect, it was more silver than the gold tier it seemed at first. Despite remaining generally enjoyable throughout, the series got mired in a repetitive storyline, numerous historical cameos and an ending that defied sense and explanation.
Final words: Good for those who like action or historical series, but sadly not worthy of entering the hall of classics.

Busou Renkin

Ah, Busou Renkin, a series replete with cheesiness, ridiculous special abilities and Shounen Jump clichés- on the surface of it, hardly something worth writing home about, and yet an important series in its own right. A prime parody candidate, every week of Busou Renkin brought more hilarity than the creators had ever meant to include as Kazuki found himself torn between the worlds of HARD GAY, STRAIGHT and BI.
Final words: I wouldn’t actually watch the series ever again, but parodying it was a lot of fun- blogging hasn’t been the same since.

Le Chevalier d’Eon

At the end of last year, Chevalier was going strong, and it lost very little of its appeal as it moved into its closing episodes. Yes, the ending didn’t make a great deal of sense on close inspection, but with strong characters, worthy action scenes and an unfaltering sense of historical atmosphere, Chevalier remained enjoyable throughout.
Final words: Good enough to parody twice.

La Corda d’Oro

Last year, I had an optimistic view of Corda; this time around, the tale of a Neoromance reverse harem would surely have decent characters and some kind of a plot- or so I thought. Unfortunately, it was not to be- whilst our lead cheated her way through the music competition with a magical violin, the shallow supporting characters and slow pacing did nothing to disguise the general lack of substance.
Final words: Another game adaptation hardly worth writing home about.

Death Note

I enjoyed the Death Note manga, but in anime form, it wasn’t a series that could work for me- the long exposition scenes never seemed suited for an animated format, and attempts to bring the story to life only made Light seem overly theatrical under his red spotlight. After many episodes of thinking “well, the next arc will be better”, I decided to terminate my relationship with the series.
Final words: It didn’t flourish in animated format.

Kanon

As we must all know by now, after the first few episodes, Kanon failed to do much for me- Yuuichi was always too sarcastic and cruel to the girls, who were in turn too one-dimensional to do anything about it. Despite the series’ attempts to tug at the heartstrings, overall it failed to ignite for me, ending up as only another excuse for parody.
Final words: Sad girls in snow don’t make me cry.

Mai-Otome Zwei

Most trainwrecks have the grace to stop and let the rescue crew hunt for survivors, but not Mai-Otome- it just keeps rumbling on. Aside from one or two good action scenes, this whole OVA proved to be a waste of time, introducing a pointless enemy and filling every spare moment with character cameos and fanservice. There was no real reason to expect anything else, but why do I keep getting sucked into this franchise?
Final words: Why do I already know I’ll be watching the next sub-par Otome OVA?

Red Garden

Despite attempts to make its mark with a distinctive art style and a New York setting, Red Garden managed to utterly fail at either the horror or character drama it was presumably aiming for. With four angsty leads who spent most of their time whining or crying and a mystery that dragged on into a totally ridiculous conclusion, Red Garden was a largely dull experience that never rewarded the patience of those who dared to persevere with it.
Final words: Don’t bother with it. Really. It doesn’t get better later on.

Saiunkoku Monogatari

On the strength of its first season, SaiMono established itself as one of my favourites; far from the reverse harem series it first appeared, it actually proved to be an absorbing tale of intrigue, politics and character interaction as one woman chased her dream of becoming her country’s first female official. Of course, the attractive character designs don’t hurt, but to consider this series shallow just because of that would be to do it a great disservice.
Final words: I don’t see why anyone reading this blog wouldn’t have watched SaiMono yet, but if you haven’t, get to it now.

Shounen Onmyouji

A fairly generic tale of a young onymouji being sent to fight the strongest demons just because he happens to be the main character, Shounen Onmyouji was often pointless and rarely very good, but somehow managed to retain interest by having twelve spirit summons who were gradually introduced over the course of the series- and with many of them having little more than a basic appearance, the series even seemed to demand a second season in which to adapt more of the novels.
Final words: Large casts usually work against a series, but in this case it was a draw for an otherwise average series.

WINTER 2006/7
Winter is traditionally a slow month for anime, but could the fledgling 2007 break the curse of the cold months? Sadly, with only a couple of worthy series that were worth following to the end, it seemed that it could not.

Deltora Quest
Despite numerous failures, I’ve always kept my eye out for decent fantasy series, but sadly, Deltora Quest was not one of them. Despite being so packed with cliché and unintentional hilarity that it could have made a good parody candidate, the fact that the series needed to resort to budget saving flashbacks and stills as early as episode four was far from a good sign, and when the next episode proved to be even more dull and uneventful (consisting as it did of answering riddles), the series was quickly shelved, never to be touched again.
Final words: Classic fantasy in anime needs drastic reinvention.

Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight
School comedies have always been hit or miss for me, and Manabi Straight struck right out in its first episode. With an energetic and clueless lead who somehow becomes school president, Manabi Straight didn’t do a great deal for me, and was quickly assigned to the Recycle Bin.
Final words: Not for me.

Ichigo Mashimaro OVA

Basically a continuation of the TV series, the Ichigo Mashimaro OVA offered three more episodes of Nobue and the girls’ everyday adventures. Despite dragging a little in the second episode, overall the OVA was as entertaining as the TV series, with apt observations and polished delivery and timing turning basic activities into a source of amusement and entertainment.
Final words: A nice coda for a strong TV series.

Les Miserables Shoujo Cosette
As an attempt to adapt the original novel to a fifty-episode series aimed at the younger audience, Cosette seemed determined to make life hard for itself, and the results were appropriately unspectacular. With its emphasis on the Cinderella-esque life of Cosette, the series dripped with twee sentiments and overused plotlines to the exclusion of the good parts of the story.
Final words: Almost painful in its execution.

Maria-sama ga Miteru OVA

Prior to this OVA, I liked MariMite- despite all the angst, it managed to deliver a worthy tale of school life with a sprinkling of HARD YURI. Unfortunately, it was not a format that could make the transition to fifty-minute OVA episodes with any grace- everything became terribly long, drawn out and dull, whilst the HARD YURI content took advantage of its newfound freedom to reach new and unforeseen heights.
Final words: I’ll still be trying season four, but this OVA was a major setback for the franchise.

Nodame Cantabile

The only real noteworthy TV series from the winter season (aside from Hidamari Sketch and Himawari!!, both of which I still need to start), Nodame Cantabile promised to be ‘Honey and Clover with music’, but instead became tantalisingly inconsistent. At times, its insights into its two leads- one a technical genius, the other an intuitive talent- made it compelling viewing, but all too often the off-kilter humour and wacky side characters ruined the mood, whilst an air of Shounen Jump “let’s level up and make the strongest orchestra!” always lurked in the background. Despite these flaws, however, Nodame was overall a worthwhile investment of time, and with the manga still ongoing, a second season would be welcomed.
Final words: Snatches of greatness kept the series appealing even as the wackier elements suggested switching off would be the way to go.

SPRING 2007
Spring is usually the best season for anime, and indeed there were lots of promising contenders right out of the gate. When it came to the long haul, however, which would make it to the finish line, and which would run out of steam?

Bokurano
As readers may know, I love, adore and worship the Bokurano manga, and so I was delighted to hear that it was going to be adapted into an anime…right up until the moment I heard Studio “adaptation trainwreck” Gonzo would be handling it. Nonetheless, I went into the series with an open mind, only to find disappointment with major story changes and a complete lack of tension in the pacing- worse yet, the director himself claimed that he didn’t even like the original! I took his advice and chose not to watch any more.
Final words: If someone tries to pretend this anime even existed, I shall stick my fingers in my ears and sing loudly.

Claymore

I’ve managed to upset many Claymore fans by not rating the manga very highly, but let’s face it- faults aside, I’m still reading after seventy-four chapters and I do want to know how it’s all going to turn out. The same could not be said for the anime, which bucked me off like a recalcitrant horse after a mere eleven episodes thanks to uninspiring characters, dull fight scenes and a washed out colour scheme.
Final words: Give me Berserk any day.

Darker than Black

During its early episodes, I had the highest of hopes for Darker than Black- it seemed slick, well directed and packed with the perfect mix of exposition, mystery and action. Unfortunately, despite such a strong start, the series soon began to flounder, adopting a pacing more suited to a fifty-episode series as it introduced minor characters, packed in last minute explanations and generally failed to live up to those early days. Even Yoko Kanno’s work on the music didn’t seem up to her usual high standard, ensuring that no aspect of the series really lived up to its potential.
Final words: Darker than Black it may be, but it wasn’t better than good.

Dennou Coil

Ah, Dennou Coil, how much more can I praise you? I accept that this series wasn’t perfect, but if you’ll excuse the lapse into informality, it was damn close. Never before has a series so deserved to be lavished with internet praise along the lines of 1337, awesome and w1n, all thanks to an intriguing setting and story, combined with memorable and well developed characters. Mere words alone are not enough to praise this series, which was surely the best offering of 2007.
Final words: I worship at the shrine of Dennou Coil, and encourage others to join.

El Cazador de la Bruja

Better known as “El Caza-bore”, this third instalment in Bee Train’s girls-with-guns series did indeed contain girls and guns, but not in any combination that produced action. Instead, what we got was the most dreary road trip through a version of Latin America that contained only cacti, roadside diners and various other dusty clichés. Just watching all twenty-six episodes was an effort in itself, and one I only pursued for the sake of creating a superior parody version of events.
Final words: You haven’t experienced boredom until you’ve watched El Cazador.

Heroic Age
A series about a character named Age rather than an age of heroes, Heroic Age tried to create an epic setting involving space battles, legendary tribes and the like, but somewhere along the line it all became a dull universe populated by rejects from other Xebec series. With even the cameraman opting to stay well back from the action, there seemed little reason for anyone else to try to examine it closely.
Final words: Another average offering from Xebec.

Hitohira
A series about a shy girl who gets so nervous that she can’t speak (yet somehow gets into the drama club due to her occasional ability to shout), Hitohira was something I stuck with for a mere two episodes, before deciding that it wasn’t going to bring me anything particularly worthy. With forgettable characters and hints of HARD YURI, Hitohira seemed to patch together elements of other series like Tsuyokiss and Gokujou Seitokai- hardly a recommendation.
Final words: Like its lead, Hitohira remained quiet and unnoticed.

Koutetsu Sangokushi

As a fan of the Three Kingdoms era, I was looking forward to a series that would surely present it better than the forgettable 1990s effort- but sadly, despite superior production values, Koutetsu Sangokushi was not to be that series. Although Koutetsu should be praised for focusing on the kingdom of Wu, it loses points for its extreme levels of ridiculousness, from a super-HARD GAY gender-confused cast to the inclusion of special sentai powers for the main characters- somehow I just don’t remember these things happening in the original novel.
Final words: As far as historical adaptations go, this one is just laughably ridiculous.

Lucky Star

A series that attracted both hate and adoration in adoration, Lucky Star did very little for me; I didn’t despise it, but for me it just did very little- episodes would pass by and I would sit in front of them, almost completely indifferent to them. Occasionally I would laugh, but much of the series was just white noise.
Final words: Ichigo Mashimaro and Minami-ke make everyday life amusing, but Lucky Star just rambles on and on.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS
The first two seasons of Nanoha weren’t great, but they won me over with their attractive character designs and worthy action scenes; sadly, the first thing StrikerS did was to introduce new characters to an already bloated cast and throw out actual battle in favour of training against robots. Whilst the leads were forced to wear limiters to remove their God Modes, everything was left in the hands of the newbies, whilst what had once been a simple world of magical girls fighting evil became tied up in pointless bureaucracy. It may have improved later on, but after six episodes, I bailed out.
Final words: No more Nanoha for me.

Murder Princess
An OVA from Bee Train, Murder Princess told the tale of a princess and a bounty hunter who rather randomly end up swapping bodies, but unfortunately, what looked like it would at least be a mildly entertaining fantasy series was ruined by ridiculous elements such as a mad scientist and his two loli androids. In the end, even a mere six episodes of this seemed like too much.
Final words: Nice character designs, shame about the rest.

Oh! Edo Rocket

With its low profile and childish-looking character designs, Oh! Edo Rocket initially didn’t seem like something worth watching- but how wrong I was. After some positive recommendations, I reversed my position and took the plunge, and it was eminently worth it. A series so crazy that you cannot help but love it, Oh! Edo Rocket is nominally about a fireworks maker trying to create a rocket that can go to the moon, but there is much more packed into it- from secret ‘Men in Black’ with special powers to aliens, monsters and a metric ton of pop culture references. It’s crazy, hilarious, sometimes a little dark, and a cut above pretty much every other anime that relies so heavily on humour and parody.
Final words: If Dennou Coil is the best series of the year, then this one must deserve the silver medal.

Romeo X Juliet

Adaptations come from many sources, but could anime really make something out of a Shakespeare play? Whether or not it could, Gonzo was determined to try, and in their usual fashion, they glanced at the original, threw it out of the window, and created a version that involved magical trees, flying horses and an aerial city that just happened to be named Neo Verona. Despite the general lack of similarity to the original, the series started well enough, and seemed as if it would go down as inoffensive light entertainment; unfortunately, as it progressed, the plot became ever more lacking and ridiculous, whilst the leads hardly inspired one to care for their plight. In the end, it found its greatest worth in the parody arena.
Final words: Romeo X Juliet? More like Ridiculous X Joke.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II

After such a strong first series, was it any surprise that I wanted more SaiMono? Unfortunately, with subs having dried up, I had to go it alone into the domain of raws, which for such a dialogue-heavy series meant relying on Impz and usagijen to help me through. Unfortunately, this approach distances me a little from the action, so that whilst I still enjoy the series and think it is good, it just doesn’t hook me in as it did before. Is it the complex web of storyline that I can’t follow in raw, the introduction of a few too many new characters, or the decision to slow down the pacing a bit to accommodate the fact that the series is catching up with the novels?
Final words: I love it, but I want to spend more time exploring the main characters- maybe a full immersion in the world of the series is what is needed.

Sakura Taisen New York
Having enjoyed the first two Sakura Wars OVAs and the TV series, I felt it was high time to branch out into the later OVAs- only to discover that with New York, I had chosen a poor place to start. With a brand new lead and his harem of shallow girls, this failed attempt to recapture the original Sakura Taisen magic completely and utterly fell flat, forcing me to abandon it by its second episode.
Final words: The original cast cannot be bettered.

Seirei no Moribito

It had the most beautiful of settings, but after a strong early start, that ultimately seemed to be all Seirei no Moribito could offer. Although its slow and tranquil pacing satisfied some, for me it was a case of being a series where not only did nothing ever happen, but it took a long time about not happening. There were a few worthy action scenes, but the rest of the series was drenched in sitting and talking- and so many episodes of static conversation can grow stale.
Final words: Instead of making anime, let’s just sit and talk about it.

Shining Tears X Wind
RPG adaptations are renowned for not being up to much, and when the source material is reputedly “the worst RPG ever” (and its sequel), you can’t really expect much. Even so, Shining Tears somehow managed to achieve new levels of awfulness, with its pointless and forgettable leads, incongruous elements (tanks and lasers in a fantasy kingdom) and general lack of anything that can be praised. I once considered Disgaea to be the worst anime ever, but this series has taken that spot.
Final words: It was a pile of Shining Tears X Wind.

Shinkyoku Soukai Polyphonica

Despite having encountered disappointment with the likes of YoakeNa, I still found myself drawn to eroge and visual novel-based series with worthy character designs- hence my brief relationship with Polyphonica. Unfortunately, even the lovely Corticarte could not disguise the fact that Polyphonica was pretty much entirely pointless filler- and when a beach episode appeared as early as episode three, I knew it was time to bail out.
Final words: Have I learned my lesson this time? I hope so.

SKULLMAN
Skullman, Skullman, does whatever a skull can…sits motionless, on a shelf- well, you get the idea. Based on a retro manga and series, SKULLMAN was not a series well-adapted for life in the twenty-first century, and by its first episode it was already floundering. With spoilers on wikipedia recounting a miserable background and fate for the eponymous anti-hero, it hardly seemed watching any more.
Final words: He’s a man… with a skull for a head! Bet you couldn’t guess that from the title, eh?

Victorian Romance Emma Second Act

The first season of Emma was highly enjoyable, but the fact that it only covered two volumes of the manga left the story hanging. With that in mind, a second season seemed a true blessing, although ultimately it was not one that was handled as well as it could have been. Despite having a further five volumes to cover and only twelve more episodes to do it in, Second Act began with a filler episode, before proceeding to cut out large chunks of the story (although admittedly the manga storyline of Emma being kidnapped and taken to America had seemed a little farfetched at the time). All in all, it was still a highly worthy series, just not as good as it could have been.
Final words: You can’t go wrong with Emma, but this still didn’t quite live up to its potential.

Wellber no Monogatari ~Sisters of Wellber~

The tale of a thief and a princess trying to flee one country and make it to another before a deadline, Wellber was another of those series that didn’t seem to bring anything original to the table, but nonetheless appeared entertaining enough to watch. Unfortunately, elements such as predictable storylines and a talking tank conspired against it, but overall it just managed to pull through as a piece of light entertainment- not least because of the unintentional hilarity that cropped up in most episodes.
Final words: Mildly entertaining.

SUMMER 2007
In principle, summer is when everyone is enjoying themselves in the great outdoors- and so why bother to air much in the way of good anime? Still, given the poor showings of summer 2005-6, 2007 might just have the edge over them with its single digit selection.

Baccano!

With a wealth of named characters and a timeline that jumped back and forth through early 1930s America, Baccano was never the easiest series to follow, and indeed, even now I cannot say I had much of a clue what was going on throughout large chunks of it. Even so, the sheer enthusiasm and attack which the series brought to our screens was so infectious that one could not help but enjoy it- whether it was a tense shootout or just Isaac and Miria getting up to their usual antics, Baccano was always entertaining- and with many more novels left to adapt, hopes for a second season are high.
Final words: Every season needs a good historical series, and this was the summer’s candidate.

Doujin Work

A short series focusing on a young woman who believes she can make her fortune drawing doujinshi, Doujin Work was never going to be anything very special, but despite the budget animation and predictable jokes, it was somehow entertaining. And with the actual episodes running at only fourteen minutes (the rest of the time slot was taken up with a live action guide to making doujinshi), it isn’t a huge investment in time either.
Final words: Light entertainment done right.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai

After the first season, Higurashi had generally failed to impress, but having embarked upon the franchise, I felt I had to carry it through- a feeling that eroded with every week of watching Kai. Everything just felt so drawn out and over the top, especially Satoko’s situation (I would applaud the series for at least having a go at tackling the difficult subject of child abuse, but then again, is that something I really want to watch for entertainment?). Even the introduction of Hanyu to the mix couldn’t save the plot, and in the end I decided to leave the citizens of Hinamizawa to their miserable fate.
Final words: It fails in the execution.

Mononoke

Having been largely bored by Ayakashi, I approached its spin-off with caution- what if it was more of the same excruciatingly slow pacing? Nonetheless, having watched and enjoyed Requiem from the Darkness right before it started to air, I decided to take the plunge, and although Mononoke did indeed have its weak points, it turned out the be the right decision. With an intriguing lead character, unique art style and slicker direction than its predecessor, Mononoke managed to hit all the right notes for supernatural fantasy. A second season would not go amiss.
Final words: It succeeded because it didn’t have ‘Ayakashi’ in the title.

Mushi-Uta

Call me shallow, but the whole reason I wanted to watch Mushi-Uta was because the title seemed to label it as the bastard son of Mushishi and Utawarerumono. In fact, aside from a masked character who resembled Hakuoro, it bore very little resemblance to either, but after a shaky start, Mushi-Uta finally came up with the goods. Although the mixture of giant bug battles and high school life was often confusing, and in spite of the fact that I could barely get a grip on the characters’ names, the story slowly drew me in, to the extent that I even cared about the fate of a minor character. As with several other series this year, it needs a second season.
Final words: Sometimes randomly picked choices can work out well after all.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

Since the blogworld once had its own Hopeless Sensei, this anime seemed almost destined to be watched, and happily it was a series well suited to SHAFT’s randomness. A classroom comedy with a twist of bleak despair, Sensei was much like any other comedy- funny when it hit the mark, but somewhat random and a little tedious when it didn’t. Coupled with a distinctive high contrast art style, it made the series memorable and unique, but not always for the right reasons.
Final words: Somewhat inconsistent, but with some highly worthy moments.

Tetsuko no Tabi
It’s hard for me to really appraise Tetsuko no Tabi since out of thirteen episodes I’ve only seen a badly subbed version of the first one, but nonetheless I’ll include it for completeness. A series based on actual train journeys, Tetsuko no Tabi had an interesting enough first episode, but without more material to work with, I can’t really form a proper opinion on this.
Final words: Won’t anyone sub this?

Zombie-Loan
DearS never looked promising, and Peach-Pit had already disappointed me with Rozen Maiden, but nonetheless for some reason I just had to try Zombie-Loan. Unfortunately, the series proved to lack much in the way of appeal, coming across only as an inferior version of xxxHOLiC and Tokyo Babylon.
Final words: CLAMP already did it better.

AUTUMN 2007
Like the spring, the autumn is meant to be replete with series worth watching, but let’s face it- Autumn 2007 was a big fat disappointment. Yes, there were some good series, but somehow the preponderance of mediocrity combined with circumstances in the outside world ensured that anime enthusiasm reached new and previously unexplored lows.

Aria the OVA ~Arietta~
For those of us who needed more Aria to keep us going, this brief OVA would have to make do between the long-finished second and upcoming third seasons. There’s not much to say about it, really, other than that it was another gentle and tranquil half-hour of life in Neo-Venezia, and in fact proved to be so worthy that I sat and watched it without even wanting to disturb my concentration by taking screencaps.
Final words: Punyu!

Clannad

I enjoyed Air and disliked Kanon, so it seemed likely that Clannad would fall somewhere in between, and indeed, so far it has. With a more likable lead than Kanon, it immediately scores over its predecessor, but unfortunately there seems to be a limit to the number of “sad girls” stories one person can swallow before becoming a little blasé about the whole thing.
Final words: It’s not bad, but I just can’t fangirl over it.

ef- a tale of memories
Whilst Owen and the others raved over it in their multi-post extravaganza, ef for me was a title that needed to be put on hiatus after episode three- the idea of someone being unable to retain their memories for more than thirteen hours was intriguing, but watching ef felt like following three different series, of which only one was worth following. I shall one day go back and watch the rest of the season in one go, but it wasn’t something where I wanted to put the effort of watching weekly.
Final words: I’ll get back to it…later.

Genshiken II
I enjoyed the first season of Genshiken, and so it seemed a foregone conclusion that the second would strike gold as well- after all, it had the rest of the original manga to work with. And indeed, Genshiken 2 quickly launched back into familiar territory, with familiar situations, character development and the sad realisation that many of our favourite personalities were graduating and moving on.
Final words: Now onwards to the manga.

Gundam 00
After Seed Destiny, my relationship with the Gundam franchise hit something of a rocky patch, so much so that it would take something far better than the usual Sunrise fare to repair it. Sadly, Gundam 00 wasn’t about to do that for me, and after a few episodes of pointless factions and a group who planned to enforce world peace by instigating wars, I decided to put the whole series on the heating element behind the normal back-burner.
Final words: Watching it can wait until 2008.

Hero Tales
With a name like ‘Hero Tales’, it was pretty obvious that this series wasn’t going to be up to much- even the FMA mangaka couldn’t really weave a good story about a boy with a destined sword. After watching an episode to assess its parody potential, I decided that even the gods of parody couldn’t expect me to watch something so boring in aid of a few laughs, and so it was put aside.
Final words: As original as its title.

Kaiji

Series dripping with GAR MANLINESS aren’t usually my thing, but having enjoyed Akagi so much, it seemed only logical to see what Madhouse could make of one of the mangaka’s other works- ‘Gambling Apocalypse Kaiji’. Whilst Kaiji is more emotional and less cold than Akagi, the twists and turns of his story are still worthy viewing- although one cannot help feeling a little sorry for poor Kaiji as his mammoth efforts in trying to win games dreamt up by sadistic yakuza only seem to result in him getting ever more in debt. I fear that twenty-six episodes won’t be enough for this series.
Final words: This series should be shown to everyone who finds themselves in danger of incurring debt.

Minami-ke

Keen for an extra dose of Ichigo Mashimaro, I went forth into Minami-ke, a similar tale about the everyday lives of three sisters. Despite trepidation that it would turn into another Lucky Star, Minami-ke had the required wit and delivery to make it entertaining rather than dull, and already a second season (albeit a retelling rather than a sequel) is set to air this January.
Final words: Forget choco cornets, melon pan and taiyaki, this year’s in-food is cream stew.

Mokke

Ever since enjoying Shrine of the Morning Mist, I’ve been on the lookout for the next entertaining silver/bronze tier supernatural series, and Mokke seems to be it. It may not be anything special, but the episodic tales of a pair of sisters- one who can see spirits, the other who gets possessed by them- has largely proven to make for enjoyable viewing, and the addition of a cat with special powers is just the icing on the cake.
Final words: Bronze tier entertainment.

Moyashimon

As the latest series to air in the vaunted noitaminA block (I know it’s ‘Animation’ spelt backwards, but it still sounds like some kind of vitamin or mineral to me), Moyashimon had a lot to live up to, but fortunately, all it needed was its uniqueness to make it a hit. Unappealing as a series about microbes may sound, when you take into account the fact that to our lead these microbes look rather cute, the whole thing takes on a new dimension; in fact, you wouldn’t go far wrong if you were to watch the series for this novelty alone. Fortunately, the rest of the content is solid enough, even if the characters are a little wacky.
Final words: I never once thought I’d say that I wanted a plushie of Aspergillus oryzae, but I want one.

Rental Magica
Where the search for supernatural light entertainment brought some successes in 2007, it also racked up a few failures, and Rental Magica was one of them. Populated by rejects from other series, Rental Magica seemed sure to at least mildly interest with its episodic tales of a company of magic users solving problems, but apart from a master of cat shikigami, there was little to engage the viewer.
Final words: Something to go back to when you have absolutely nothing else to watch.

Shakugan no Shana II

Even though I enjoyed it at the time, in retrospect the original Shakugan no Shana had a lot wrong with it- not least of which were the pointless and uninspiring villains. Even so, a second season would surely forge ahead into interesting and unknown parts of the novel series- or maybe not. For instead, Shana II decided to diverge into an uninteresting game-based tale that seemed determined to shake off all but the most devout of fans. With last season’s confession revoked and the love polygon once again taking hold, it seemed as if this was one series worth bailing out of.
Final words: There’s completion, and then there’s masochism- watching Shana II was surely the latter.

Sketchbook ~full color’S~

Every year needs a good slice-of-life series, and whilst Sketchbook was not to be in the Aria/YKK class, it was still an enjoyable series, not least because of the high volume of cats and fat chickens contained therein. Although it times it seemed as if it was trying too hard to capture a calm atmosphere that should just come naturally, Sketchbook was still worth watching, and after initially thinking little of the shy and quiet lead, after a while I began to identify with her- all too often I end up thinking a lot more than I actually end up saying (but no more! Now I shall never shut up!).
Final words: Full of cats.

And so, 2007 has shown us both good and bad (much like every year, really) and all we can do is await 2008 and the offerings it shall bring us. See you next year!

It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to have an honest-to-goodness rant. I’ve tried to moderate myself and just post my thoughts in the form of structured reviews, but the time has come to break down those barriers and lay into the easiest target of the Spring 2007 season- El Cazador de la Bruja. A series which generated low expectations even before it began, Cazador nonetheless managed to plumb untold depths of dullness and monotony, and much as it pains me to revisit it in any form, this rant shall be a cathartic experience that will justify sitting through those twenty-six episodes in the first place.

Billed as the third in Bee Train’s ‘girls with guns’ trilogy, El Cazador was to be the successor of Noir and Madlax, one a solid series with a tight focus, the other a HARD YURI-fest packed with dubious supernatural elements. With this in mind, it was perhaps not wise to ever expect too much from the series, which promised yet another pairing of young girl and skilled gun-woman, albeit this time with different hair colours to their predecessors. This time around we would be following the adventures of bounty hunter Nadie as she attempted to protect her charge Ellis from various forces out to capture her- although as per the usual formula, there was more to Ellis than met the eye. Over the course of the series, this intrepid duo were to travel across Central America in search of the village of Wiñay Marka, all the while pursued by both recurring and one shot characters.

So far then, not too bad- it may not be the most enthralling of concepts, but surely something could be made of it- couldn’t it? Well, yes it could, but not something that anyone would choose to watch. Instead, each episode was so spectacularly dull that it made monster of the week series look innovative- every week, Nadie and Ellis would stop off at some insignificant town, get involved in the mundane lives of the characters of the week, perhaps indulge in a car chase and then move on again. Whether it was the lives of a couple who ran a roadside café or the dull antics of an underwhelming village, each and every episode succeeded in achieving absolutely nothing. In short, it was the dustiest and most boring road trip in history- a sort of extended version of the bus arc first seen in Tsubasa.

Even so, you might argue, there was still a girl with a gun, and that must surely mean that the poor stories of the week could at least be compensated for with a healthy dose of action, right? Admit it, if you seriously thought that, you have absolutely no knowledge of Bee Train whatsoever, do you? For, fearful that action might actually overly stimulate the viewers, Koichi Mashimo and his pals decided to make Nadie a rather unique personality- a bounty hunter who doesn’t actually go after any bounties. Indeed, why bother with a tense and exciting hunt for a dangerous killer when you can spend an episode working at an Amigo Tacos restaurant instead (despite not being a real franchise, Amigo Tacos is to El Cazador what Pizza Hut was to Code Geass and Pizza Hut). Then again, perhaps it was for the best that Nadie chose not to foray into the world of bounty hunting, because on the odd occasion when she did attempt it, she failed so miserably that it was clear she had chosen the wrong career. From slipping and tripping at the drop of a hat to falling for one of the oldest cons in the book, it was abundantly clear that the only bounty hunting Nadie had experience with was searching for a particular brand of chocolate bar in the aisles of her local store.

Under these less than ideal conditions, the series plodded on, but there was worse to come when it tried to convince us all that yes, there was actually some kind of plot going on. At the centre of the conspiracy we have Ellis, a ‘man-made witch’ with disturbingly orgasmic special powers that activate whenever the plot deems them necessary. Naturally, a hero cannot have powers without various antagonists wanting them, and so in pursuit of her are both evil scientist Rosenberg and a clan of descendants of ‘natural born witches’. In order to truly expose the ridiculousness of the entire series, we can do no better than to take a detailed look at the modus operandi of these two factions.

Rosenberg: a villain who likes to switch on a light using a complex system of ropes and pulleys
Many men seem to have a knack for making simple tasks unnecessarily complicated, but none more so than Doug Rosenberg, a scientist dedicated to the idea of harnessing the power of the witches. His plan is to awaken Ellis by causing the deaths of the people closest to her, first by killing the beloved Professor Schneider with whom she grew up and rather disturbingly fell in love, before sending her off on a long journey with Nadie in the hopes that they would become close enough that Nadie’s death would trigger her final awakening. Yes, in short, he was responsible for the whole interminably dull road trip through Central America in the first place- and for that alone, he should have died a far more painful and horrible death than the one he actually experienced in episode twenty-five.

LA: the psychotic bishounen
As one of Rosenberg’s lackeys, LA’s job was initially to trail Ellis and shoot video footage of her- a task the psychotic stalker took to with relish. As a fellow genetically engineered specimen, LA felt a kinship with Ellis that went beyond the usual limits; so devoted to her was he that even her lighting his crotch on fire was a source of excitement to him. Even capturing him and attempt to reduce his affections via brainwashing did not seem to work, and so he spent some twenty-four episodes acting irrationally in pursuit of his beloved before finally getting killed.

Ricardo and Lirio: a disturbing relationship
Also in Rosenberg’s employ to keep an eye on Nadie, Ellis and LA (talk about redundancy) is Ricardo, an older man who travels with his own personal loli- the mute Lirio. The way Lirio (whose head reaches up to Ricardo’s groin) cuddles up to him when in danger is rather disturbing, as is the rather creepy lack of clarification about their relationship. In fact, the whole point of Lirio at all is something of a mystery- she spends most of the series mute, only to suddenly awaken to her witch heritage at the end in time to speak two lines to Blue-Eyes. Was she just there because Bee Train productions have to have a pink-haired loli? All signs point to yes.

Melissa: who was she?
Partway through the series, Rosenberg’s superiors at the CIA briefly step into the series to tell him to stop lusting after Ellis and take a vacation with a woman of legal age. Rosenberg duly follows their instructions and spends several pointless episodes vacationing with a woman named Melissa- a woman of undisclosed background and purpose who comes into the series purely to be with her beloved ‘Doug’ for a while. As the series starts drawing to an end, however, Rosenberg ungraciously leaves her high and dry in order to get back to the plot, cementing her existence as nothing more than a pointless time filler.

The clan of the witches, or why body sacks are not in fashion
Also keeping an eye on Ellis and her powers are the clan of the witches- real witches who are slowly losing their power and dying out, but fear that Ellis may misuse her abilities. From their base at the Dark Assembly, these cosplayers don all manner of hooded robes designed to retain anonymity and thus minimise their embarrassment at their continually changing policies. Every few episodes, they alter their stance, unable to stick to either hanging back and observing Ellis or moving in and capturing her. The point of including them in the series at all is unclear, as is the episode where they send .hack rejects to chase the leads over the course of one night before giving up by dawn.

Blue-Eyes: a woman of two looks
The main operative of the clan of the witches (and indeed the only one to be blessed with a name), Blue-Eyes spends several episodes as a wide-eyed meganekko working for Rosenberg. Unfortunately, bland attempts to outwit him, getting stuck in a ceiling vent and periodically claiming that his plans were sure to fail was not really a recipe for job satisfaction, and so at the halfway point Blue-Eyes transforms into a sexy sharp-eyed woman with an agenda of her own.

From hereon in, Blue-Eyes and her nameless underlings pursue the leads in their own bid for screen time, generally observing and only rarely aiding the plot. Sadly, whilst I must admit that Blue-Eyes in her second form is the most attractive female on the series, she deserved more than her role of being the “other woman” with added minor plot role.

Audiovisual
As to be expected from any Bee Train series, El Cazador is a series with distinctive named character designs in the familiar style, dull looking generics, beautiful panoramic settings- and a distinct lack of much in the way of action. Characters are all too often seen in low detail distance shots, mere specks on the horizon, whilst action scenes are meted out sparingly, in case an excess of fighting might excite the viewers too much.

Background music is, unsurprisingly, handled by Yuki Kajiura, who adds a Mexican flavour to the score that ensures that whilst it is solid enough and in keeping with her familiar style, it just isn’t up to par with her best work. Nonetheless, after the glut of slow ballads used in the likes of Tsubasa, it is nice to hear some decent insert songs, whilst both OP and ED are catchy and memorable (in fact, they are one of the most watchable aspects of the series). Speaking of the ED, however, we must question something- who was the masked man who appeared so prominently in it? And what was the point of the ‘sniper cat’?

Final Thoughts
A series so dull that I could watch entire episodes on a low volume setting without noticing, El Cazador consistently failed to excite or entertain, instead offering only a target for parody wrapped up in a pleasant presentation. Noir was focused and worthy, Madlax was convoluted and over the top, but this was just one long stretch of monotony interspersed with frustratingly unanswered questions.

Nadie experiences extreme boredom after watching twenty-five episodes of El Cazador.

“Hello, I’m the star of season two- El Cazador Full Throttle.”

“In that case, you can warm up by watching the shop whilst I nip off for a bit of HARD YURI.”

Since this is an epilogue, everyone has made an effort to change their hairstyle.

“That ball’s been stuck up in the tree for months.”

“A little kid stuck servicing an older man.”

“I only like underage boys!”

“I can’t believe you just said that out loud- and on TV, too.”

“Hey everyone, remember us? Last time you saw us, we were HARD GAY cross-dressers, but now we’re HARD GAY fatsos!”

“How did minor characters like you even get a return appearance?”

“I feel strangely attracted to them.”

“Nadie, Ellis, why don’t you join us for a double date?”

“To tell you the truth, we’re not into the sort of kinky games you like.”

“Don’t knock them until you’ve tried them, honey.”

Ellis catches Nadie in the middle of Hyper Self Pleasure.

“It’s not what you think- honest!”

“You said I was all you needed!”

“I’ve seen you sneakily doing it under the covers.”

“It doesn’t count if no one sees you doing it.”

“We need to look normal- they’d chuck us out if they knew we were raging nymphomaniacs with a taste for HARD YURI, BI and Hyper Self Pleasure!”

“From now on, we must give up all but the most basic of Pleasure.”

“Damn, a life without proper Pleasure is going to be a long and dull one.”

Taco taco tacos, delicious tacos…

“Anyway, I realised the real money was in tacos, and I haven’t looked back since.”

“Oh by the way, this may be the year 2009, but cassette tapes are still going strong!”

“I thought everyone used CDs these days.”

“By the way, I hear Ricardo is givng Lirio Boomerang these days.”

“..and wait a second as I unzip my trousers…”

“She’s growing up fast.”

“If we don’t, that kid will be the star of season two!”

“We just found something even more boring than our constant travelling, and you want to give it up to go back to baseline monotony?”

“I bear an uncanny resemblance to Rosenberg for no real reason.”

“You look like a man who’s good in bed- come and service my partner and I!”

“We’re getting some loving tonight!”

“Useless as you are, you had the power of main characters to combat our minor recurring nature!”

“Sorry, you’re so minor I don’t even remember who you are.”

“Nadie, how could you forget those HARD GAY cross-dressers? The image of them is still burnt onto my brain.”

“It sounds laughably ridiculous in the retelling, but there you go.”

“…as advertised on teleshopping!”

“They’re minor characters, and no one really cares if they’re fat or not!”

“I’ve had enough of this farce! Time to kick some booty!”

“Hey wait- I was the bounty hunter so I should at least get a tiny bit of action!”

“Shut up, Nadie- I’m the sexiest and most accomplished character, and the viewers know it!”

“I wish you’d use those moves on me!”

“Accept your minor status!”

“Never! Counter with flab power!”

“Why is uselessness my role in life?”

“Gwakaka, now we can finally dispatch these main characters and have our own show!”

“Stay back! I’m booked to star in the next season!”

“Nadie, I’m sorry- I just can’t hand over being the main character yet!”

“Go, Main Character Power!”

“It’s the only way we can get screen time!”

“Sorry, but we’ve decided to film a second series of our car trip adventures.”

Like a bus arc, it never ends.

Ricardo is recovering well after straining his hand during excessive Hyper Self Pleasure.

“Know that it has been coated with Teflon!”

Bee Train has a liking for phallic imagery.

“Stop trying to leave me behind just because I’m essentially useless!”

“This looks like the entrance to the final boss dungeon- I hoped you saved.”

“It took twenty-five episodes to get here, but now let’s finish this.”

“Marvel at my amazing fashion sense!”

“That’s just an old curtain, isn’t it?”

“Keep me alive, and I can tell you how to make your own.”

“…the pain of being trapped in an endless bus arc!”

“Inexplicable Final Boss shield powers!”

“Cameraman, stop zooming out!”

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about- you can still make out the characters if you squint at the screen.”

“And don’t let that blasted cameraman get away again!”

“At last, an opponent worthy of my skills- a rock!”

“Come on, this is the platforming section of the game.”

Press Circle+X+Square whilst holding down the R2 button and rotating the analogue stick 270° to perform this move.

“Gwakaka, now comes my favourite bit- the part where the villain explains his motives to the hero in unnecessary detail!”

“I just wanted to see if a man of HARD GAY could be turned STRAIGHT or BI!”

“…and became a woman trained in the arts of Pleasure!”

“Now you are the ideal woman I have seen in so many eroge!”

“Back off, she’s mine!”

“Ellis and I beg to differ.”

“Some may call it a rather extreme way to get rid of a romantic rival, but it seems perfectly sensible to me.”

“At long last I can move past phone and internet sex, and have the real thing!”

“The whole series was so boring that I can’t remember any of it!”

You may wonder why I bothered with this featureless white screen, but it is actually a statement as to how interesting the series as a whole was.

“Give me one last Gun for old time’s sake.”

“You know how bad my aim is!”

“You must do it before Rosenberg forces me to act out his kinky fantasies!”

Ah, the obligatory confession.

“I don’t want to have CORPSE!”

“I wasn’t actually wounded in any discernible way, but I shall die with you to provide a Romeo and Juliet style tragedy.”

“Why, Rosenberg? Why were our phone sessions never enough for you?”

“I have been mute all series, but now the plot will give me the power of speech!”

“I choose to save Ellis, since I’ve already slept with Nadie!”

“Well done- you made the right choice.”

“Now, what comes next in the villain’s manual? Ah yes, ‘blow up final boss dungeon, giving heroes scant minutes to get out’.”

“Aagh, falling rocks- this is just like when I run out of time in Utawarriors!”

“We can call it El Cazador season two!”

“Sorry, but Nadie is all I need!”

“Nadie!” “Ellis!” “Nadie!” “Ellis!”

“It isn’t over yet! If I get away, we can still have a second season!”

“I didn’t die either.”

“We, the clan of the witches, who spent the whole series in the shadows taking very little constructive action, shall now return to the shadows to take no action!”

“I hope no one noticed I dropped the camera.”

“Rosenberg, you can never beat the power of main character BI!”

“Aagh, the zoom button is jammed again!”

“Damn, my most dramatic moment and I choked to death on a glass of Ribena!”

“Was it wrong to want more than just phone sex?”

This week, we have “not enough time and inclination to watch all the anime that was released edition”. Enjoy.

Reviewed this week: El Cazador de la Bruja 25-6, Clannad 3, Dennou Coil 17-18, ef 3, Genshiken 2 3, Gundam 00 3, Higurashi Kai 15, Kaiji 3, Mokke 2-3, Shana II 3, Shion no Ou 1

…and in manga: Akagi 6, Bartender 3, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 11

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Dennou Coil (1) – the best of the best of the best, sir!
2. Oh! Edo Rocket (2) – I love this show!
3. Kaiji (5) – nice gambling boat
4. SaiMono II (3) – art thief
5. Baccano! (4) – eternal life
6. Genshiken 2 (9) – Comi-Fes
7. Minami-ke (8) – Ichigo Mashimaro II
8. Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (11) – I’m in despair!
9. Shion no Ou (-) – it’s a trap <- new!
10. Moyashimon (12) – cute microbes
11. Mokke (10)- seven flowers of autumn
12. Sketchbook ~full color’S~ (13) – lots of cats
13. Clannad (14) – sad girls in springtime
14. Gundam 00 (15) – double balls
15. Rental Magica (17)- episode seemed to go on forever
16. Koutetsu Sangokushi (18) – pure HARD GAY
17. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai (20) – Takano meets Hitler
18. ef- a tale of memories (16)- tomorrow’s me won’t be the same
19. Shakugan no Shana II (19)- harem+1
20. Romeo X Juliet (23) – what’s the point anymore?
21. El Cazador de la Bruja (24) – it’s over!! <- complete!

El Cazador de la Bruja 25-6: At long last it’s over and we’re free of the boredom of El Cazador, although it wasn’t about to go down without a fight. Episode 25 is the actual conclusion to the plot (such as it is), with the dull final boss fight against Rosenberg, whilst episode 26 is an excruciatingly boring epilogue in which Ellis and Nadie are living quietly until the HARD GAY guys from the first few episodes (now grossly overweight) show up and spur them to start travelling again- this time for the sake of it. What an underwhelming ending to the world’s most incredibly dull series.

Clannad 3: Since I just mindlessly take the advice of commenters, I watched Clannad episode three subbed, and whilst it made some of the humour easier to pinpoint, my lack of need to concentrate as hard rendered large sections of it quite dull. In this episode, Tomoya and Nagisa make some small effort to re-establishing the drama club, Fuko gives Tomoya a wooden star, Nagisa’s mother gets upset over bread-related matters again and comic relief Sunohara is once again the target of amusing violence. The only moment that really hit home as being better in the subbed version was the opening scene about the girl and her mechanical robot.

Dennou Coil 17-18: It’s been a while, so let me start by reaffirming my love for Dennou Coil, one of the few series that can shake off the general apathy I have been feeling towards anime lately. Anyway, this double bill continues the excellence as we inevitably knew it would, as Isako tries to use her kirabugs to create an encode that will open a portal to the mysterious other world- the place where the souls of Kanna and her brother may be trapped. Mere words cannot express how much I love this series and its central mystery, but I desperately need more, and even when the series is over I shall crave fresh exploration of its imaginative world.

*HIATUS* ef- a tale of memories 3: The somewhat distractingly extreme aspect ratio of this episode aside (seriously, what was up with that?), I’ve decided to move ef to the backburner for now- I’m struggling to fit in all this anime as it is, and after this episode, I’m in no hurry to follow this series up. Although the first half, which focused once again on Renji, Chihiro and the subject of memory loss, wasn’t too bad, once we switched over to Hirono and the other characters, I swiftly lost interest. This latter aspect of the series is not only turning into generic harem, but it is hard to see how it can possibly develop. Since the series is only 12 episodes overall, I will probably get back to it some day, but for now there’s no need to clutter up my schedule.

Genshiken 2 3: The Comi-Fes arc comes to a worthy end in this episode, as we see our intrepid team selling their doujinshi with the aid of cosplay and even some crossplay. It’s an enjoyable ‘seller’s take’ on the Comic Festival, but the preview for the next episode promises even better things to come.

*HIATUS* Gundam 00 3: What am I doing, even pretending to be a Gundam fan? I won’t deny I haven’t enjoyed selected episodes of certain series, but to religiously follow a Gundam series week by week is a step too far- especially when this instalment was so boring that I can barely remember what happened. I think I’ll let a good lot of episodes build up before I get back to this one.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai 15: As I’d hoped, we cover more of Takano’s back story in this episode, explaining how she escaped the clutches of the generically cruel orphanage and came to live with Doctor Takano Hifumi and study Hinamizawa Syndrome. Although she was quite a sympathetic and hard done by character in the past, however, it does nothing to change the fact that in the present she is a villain of gwakaka class, whilst Hinamizawa Syndrome can never be anything other than ridiculous.

Kaiji 3: Poor Kaiji- no sooner had he formed a group of three to fight the odds together than one of his new allies tries to cheat him, although as it turns out he fails and Kaiji lets him rejoin. It seems, however, that this desperate situation has honed our hero’s tactical ability, and through the fog of desperation the slimmest thread of hope appears- but will it be enough to overcome the odds? Since Kaiji is the hero, we can assume he will indeed win the star chips needed to get off the boat, but never before has the build up to a game of rock paper scissors been so absorbing. Bring on the next episode.

Mokke 2-3: Mokke continues to entertain in these next two episodes; first an instalment in which Mizuki is possessed by a being claiming to be a god- and whatever he is, he certainly seems to want to help. Next up is an instalment in which Shizuru gets worried about a being she can see attached to her best friend’s brother- both tales are fairly standard and predictable, but with a touch more thoughtfulness than the average series would give them.

Shakugan no Shana II 3: Laziness caused me to watch this episode subbed after all, but sadly it did not really enhance the experience. Hecate-a-like Konoe has joined school as a new transfer student, and whilst she immediately takes the role of shy and clueless harem member, Shana becomes determined to see if she is indeed an enemy. Naturally, all evidence points to Konoe being no more than she seems, which as we viewers could have guessed, is all part of a clever plan. I still feel compelled to stick with this series through franchise loyalty, but it will probably go on hiatus soon.

*NEW* Shion no Ou 1: In the memory of Hikaru no Go, I’ve decided to whet my appetite for Asian board games with Shion no Ou, the tale of a mute shougi genius who witnessed the bloddy deaths of her parents seven years ago. Although it doesn’t yet seem to be certain as to whether it wants to focus on the murder mystery or straight up shougi playing, this is still good enough to warrant a fair chance, especially with such unique characters as a trap who is trying to become a female pro (apparently faster than becoming a male pro) to earn money for his sick mother.

MANGA

Akagi 6: Akagi continues to dominate against Ryuuzaki, but there’s a nasty surprise waiting in the wings- rep player Yagi. Will this first time player be able to stand up to a yakuza pro, or will he crumble and cause the series to end prematurely? Well, it’s hardly difficult to guess what’s coming, and reading in small graphically inferior chunks isn’t as satisfying as marathoning 26 episodes of anime, but a little bit of Akagi here and there will help keep the GAR meter ticking over.

Bartender 3: The eponymous Bartender returns for a third outing in this chapter, in which two very different people show up at his bar- one a hard-working office lady, the other a young man who has tried and failed to get into the acting scene. Could it be that the same drink will help them both find their path in life? Yes, it’s that simple, but it is the straightforwardness and brevity of this chapter that makes it far more enjoyable than the animated version was- these are just satisfyingly short vignettes rather than painfully drawn out experiences.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 11: Another short chapter, this time about tanabata wishes, prompting Sensei to reflect how they may as well write down their most hopeless desires. It’s not the nest chapter I’ve read, but again this series needs to be read in more than one chapter chunks.

Reviewed this week: Baccano! 7, El Cazador 24, Clannad 1, Darker than Black 24-5, Higurashi Kai 12-13, Mononoke 9, Mushi Uta 11, Oh! Edo Rocket 16-18, SaiMono II 20, Seirei no Moribito 24

…and in manga: Bartender 2, Chokotto Sister 45, Spiral Alive 8-10

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Dennou Coil (1) – the best of the best of the best, sir!
2. Oh! Edo Rocket (3) – I love this show!
3. SaiMono II (2) – four men in a closet
4. Baccano! (4) – eternal life
5. Mushi-Uta (5) – best episode yet
6. Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (6) – I’m in despair!
7. Mononoke (7) – incense
8. Darker than Black (8) – it’s over <-complete!
9. Clannad (-) – sad girls in springtime <- new!
10. Doujin Work (9) – this is becoming a guilty pleasure
11. Koutetsu Sangokushi (10) – pure HARD GAY
12. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai (11) – evil uncle
13. Seirei no Moribito (12) – the egg must hatch
14. Romeo X Juliet (13) – what’s the point anymore?
15. El Cazador de la Bruja (14) – the end is in sight

Baccano! 7: It’s a change of pace this week in Baccano, as we jump back in time over 200 years, to a stormy night in 1711 when a bunch of seafarers eagerly awaiting alchemist Maiza’s attempt to summon a demon and thus gain the knowledge of the Elixir of Life. Although it doesn’t really help me with unravelling the plot in the present, it’s good to have an episode where I can actually follow what is going on, as we learn of the truth behind the immortality elixir, as well as Szilard’s origins and the reason for the ‘incomplete product’ of earlier episodes. It’s somewhat odd that what I thought was going to be a straightforward historical series has now taken such a definite turn into the realms of fantasy, but I’m all for it if the result is good.

I should also remember this time around to comment on the show’s music, which has some good tracks mixed in.

El Cazador de la Bruja 24: The time has come for Nadie and Ellis to confront Rosenberg in the shootout of all shootouts, in an action-packed episode filled to the brim with gunfights and tension…but then again, we could just have a dull exposition-filled exchange before Rosenberg goes off to have HARD GAY with LA and set him up to kill Ricardo (if you’re in any doubt as to which option was chosen, you clearly don’t have the first inkling about this series). I have to admit the first part of the fight between LA and Ricardo had the one tiny piece of decent action we’ve had all series, but once again it was a struggle to sit through the entire episode without wanting to resort to self-mutilation.

*NEW* Clannad 1: Since I randomly felt like watching this raw, the first episode of Clannad has been watched, and whilst it didn’t wow me on any front, it was entertaining enough to warrant continuing with. Although not as visually accomplished as Kanon or as blessed with good story as Air, Clannad gets off to a reasonable start with some light-hearted content (and hints of not-so-light-hearted back story), as well as the new fetish food of the season- anpan (throw out that taiyaki and those choco cornets).

Yay, a cat.

*COMPLETE* Darker than Black 24-25: It came in with a bang and out with a whimper (get your minds out of the gutter, people), but now Darker than Black is over, and for me, it was a journey not unlike that of Noein (without the ridiculous wait for episodes to be subbed). For the first few arcs, I adored this series, but in due course all its “1337er than 1337” seeped away, leaving only “duller than dull”. Call me foolish, simplistic or unaccomplished for not appreciating the second half of this so-called masterpiece, but it truly did waste its potential (ironically after FUNimation announced the license), dragging itself over the finish line in such a way that made me cease to care about the characters and the world they inhabited. Better luck next time, BONES.

“Don’t mind us, we’re naked.”

The Naruto cosplayers are out in force.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai 12-13: I think my enthusiasm for Higurashi can be plainly seen by the way I acquire episodes and then forget to watch them for at least a week, resulting in these staggered double bill reviews. Anyway, in between bouts of laughing at the ridiculousness of ‘Hinamizawa Syndrome’, I made it through another two episodes, in which Takano reveals herself to be a shallow gwakaka-class evil, before everyone dies…again. I guess this whole arc would have been more interesting if I hadn’t read detailed spoilers beforehand, but there you go.

“Gwakaka, I am evil! I bet you didn’t see that one coming!”

Mononoke 9: The incense arc concludes in this episode, in which the medicine seller must unravel the mystery of the mansion, with a few twists that you may or not guess before their revelation. This has truly been my favourite arc so far, and it’s at times like this that it seems a shame that Mononoke only clocks in a twelve episodes total- unlike Ayakashi, it had the potential to go on for a lot longer.

Mushi-Uta 11: It’s the penultimate episode (of the first season, at least), and Mushi-Uta isn’t about to hold back in putting its lead characters through hell, as Rika finds the odds stacked against her at GARDEN, Shiina meets up with the ‘Voracious Eater’ who helped to create Hosts and Daisuke reaches his limit. It’s a bold move for a series that’s secured another season, but it does make for some good action and drama, with a few revelations about the origins of Hosts and an evil bishie thrown in for good measure.

Oh! Edo Rocket 16-18: It’s time for another welcome triple bill of Oh! Edo Rocket, and with the series well into its second half, our characters are about to learn that some secrets cannot be kept forever. Naturally, the status quo (such as it is) is turned entirely upside down when Ginjiro’s identity as a Man in Black and Sora’s true form are revealed, but how will our eclectic cast react to these discoveries? Will Akai and the blue monster turn over a new leaf, or is any act of kindness on their part just a means to an end? Will Seikichi lose heart, or is he still up for finishing that rocket to the moon? Will the magistrate ever bother to update his review blog? Find out all this and more on Oh! Edo Rocket, the only show that can bring you action, drama, comedy and some darker moments, all wrapped in one well animated package.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II 20: After all the drama and seriousness of people dying, SaiMono is plunging straight into a lighter arc, involving fake paintings, our new characters, and a reminder to Shuurei that career may not be the be all and end all of life (even so, the last thing I want is for her to give up her ambitions). Although much of the humour cannot be appreciated at my low level of comprehension, no translation is needed for a hilarious scene in which Ryuuki, Shuuei, Seiran and Kouyuu all end up in a small closet together. Parody was born for moments like these.

Seirei no Moribito 24: Since my harsh words on Seirei last week upset David, I’ve decided to present my views in a more euphemistic way this time around. This week, our leads spent a solid amount of time in reasoned and stationary debate, before proceeding forth to find Chagum and La Lunga before the poor boy gets ripped apart. Unfortunately, there are still more details to be revealed about the nature of the egg within Chagum, and when it seems as if it will be problematic no matter what, Torogai must decide what to do next. In the meantime, the flowers that made a brief yet important appearance in an earlier episode now prove to have some relevance to the main story, which would be a nice touch if this were two hour movie and not twenty-six episodes of measured pacing.

MANGA
Bartender 2: It’s been a while, but I finally have another chapter of Bartender to read, and happily it remains a lot better than the animated version. In this chapter, our eponymous bartender must try to guess the favourite drink of a particularly hard-to-please customer, who wants it made just like “the master” used to. Well, it’s the same old formula, but at least here the bartender isn’t invincible, and the conclusion is rather amusing.

Chokotto Sister 45: It’s crunch time in this chapter as Haruma’s cousin teases Chitose by pretending to be his pregnant lover, leading an exasperated Makoto to tell the rather dense Haruma that Chitose has feelings for him. Once again, it’s standard fare, but at least the story has inched ahead here.

Spiral Alive 8-10: Rio shows up in this triplet of chapters to assist Kousuke with his investigation into the murders, but how will Ryouko fee; about being left out of developments- even if it is only to protect her? Meanwhile, Kiyotaka is finally properly seen “on-page”, but as always- what is his master plan? With so many familiar faces now in play, the series has really picked up momentum, and the next chapter is nigh essential.

I love the way Bee Train lets you feel up close and personal with the action.

“A long and boring journey, in fact.”

“For I am all-knowing, handsome and also terribly modest.”

“Now, taste my superior Gun!”

“You can’t shoot me- I’m a main character!”

“Why are you collapsing? I’m the one he shot at!”

“I’m just that good- I can induce Pleasure merely by being close to someone.”

“Oh, and did I mention that I am also the mastermind behind this entire series?”

“You’re the one responsible for this endless monotony?”

“People have suggested that there must have been a less convoluted way to proceed, but I don’t listen to those fools.”

“I even arranged for the two of you to get all that HARD YURI business out of your systems so you would be ready to embrace BI.”

“When the time was right, he would show you how men like to be Pleasured.”

LA tries to cover up his disappointment when his latest blind date proves to be somewhat underwhelming.

In a desperate effort to salvage the situation, he strikes up a conversation.

“All I want is to make Ellis a BI partner worthy of me!”

“BI? What’s all this about BI?”

“Ah, it seems an old HARD GAY partner of mine is here.”

“Although if truth be known, we’ve only ever had phone sex.”

“You told me I was your one and only!”

“Surely you knew those were sweet nothings!”

“And now I’m afraid I have a prior engagement at the final boss location- farewell.”

“Hi, we’re back on our continuing search for names and a purpose.”

“Why are bubbles floating past? What’s the point of anything anymore?”

“Oh hello, I just happened to be enjoying a spot of bubble-blowing, as you do.”

“Now, let us have HARD GAY.”

“NOOOO!!! I don’t want HARD GAY with you!”

“Stop violating me!”

“Just relax, and you will feel the Pleasure.”

“There- it isn’t so bad now, is it?”

“I was the one who first taught you the ways of Pleasure.”

“Let us attain a climax.”

(“Another lover conquered, gwakaka!”)

“He wanted to find ways of enhancing Pleasuring techniques.”

“None of his colleagues were up to his exacting standards.”

“He became so depressed that he barely noticed when the removals men made a mess of his office.”

“In the end, he died during a particularly dangerous bout of Hyper Self Pleasure.”

“Yes, he truly is a well developed antagonist.”

“Does he think her powers will help reach new levels of BI?”

“That’s obscene!”

“Ah, nothing like eating in the middle of nowhere to really sharpen the digestion.”

“LA, the new Liang I fitted to you is just perfect!”

“Yes, what a fine figure of a man you have become.”

“Now, here are the instructions for the next technique I want to try…”

“Bad news- Rosenberg has seduced LA!”

“I refuse to believe it- I’m the one he wants!”

“You shouldn’t go there without a main character!”

“Face it, Nadie, you’re too useless to tag along.”

“And besides, this is a conflict between men.”

Let’s play Spot the Character.

HARD GAY commences.

“This is not just Pleasure…this is M&S Intense Pleasure.”

“Is there time for a spot of break dancing?”

“What are you doing? You’re damaging my Liang!”

“Why do I keep waking up in the middle of nowhere? Is it the drugs?”

“And what was I doing having HARD GAY? I am committed to BI with Ellis!”

“Your partner is me!”

“Fatal HARD GAY!”

“That was unsatisfying- Lirio, service me!”

“These supporting characters are taking up our screen time- let’s leave them behind for the finale!”

Next episode

“What do you think of my new outfit? I got it in the John Lewis sale.”

Whilst LA must discover what sort of Pleasure is available to a man without a Liang, Nadie and Ellis face yet another threat to their relationship- for having exhausted the possibilities of HARD YURI with her nameless underlings, Blue-Eyes is ready for Ellis to show her the ropes of BI. Can their relationship weather yet another week of ups and downs?

L.A. is reduced to mere PILLAR.

“He told me it was normal not to have a Liang!”

“Why? Why is there nothing down there?”

“There must be ways even someone like me can have Pleasure!”

“Stop forcing me to have cyber-Pleasure with you, Rosenberg!”

“Was my Pleasure really intense enough to do this to Nadie?”

“You are most skilled at both HARD YURI and BI.”

“What’s this? The minute we leave the room, they start having Pleasure again?”

“…have more BI with you, Ellis?”

“Of course!”

“You know, Blue-Eyes, I never realised how attractive you were before- and as for those melons, well, compared to mine they’re damn impressive.”

“Stop, you’re embarrassing me!”

“And before you ask, these are my natural melons- no artificial enhancements.”

(“Yeah, right.”)

“Oh by the way, I have decided to turn BI as well.”

“And here I thought you were committed to HARD YURI.”

“I have tried all the HARD YURI techniques in an effort to revitalise my flagging love life.”

“But in the end, it just doesn’t excite me anymore.”

“Instead, I found myself increasingly impressed by the ways of BI.”

“I can no longer deny my need for BI.”

“…and I know that if I have BI with Ellis, I will revitalise my libido!”

“Blue-Eyes, I think you came on a little too strong.”

“She is not yet ready for the raunchy things I have in mind.”

“I know what you mean- I’m waiting for the day when she wants to become more ambitious in the bedroom.”

“I guess when you come down to it, we’re both attracted to Ellis.”

“…but we must leave it to her to decide who she wants to go out with.”

A new low is reached in the form of a random old generic talking about the weather.

“I am a registered exposition NPC!”

“Then can you help me? I’m worried that the intensity of my BI will damage my partners.”

“The only way to become a good Pleasure partner is to practise.”

A member of the production staff is carelessly caught on camera.

(“I hope no one spotted me running off with this stolen tablecloth.”

“Nadie, I see now that you are useless and that I might as well continue by myself.”

“You can’t do this to me- I’m in the OP!”

“She has clearly rejected you in favour of my charms.”

“I love her!”

“Up until now, I have always been single.”

“You, with your many lovers, must think that the single life is a blast.”

“…that you get so insanely jealous of couples!”

“I need a partner too!”

“Instead, we must interest them in a foursome.”

Ellis randomly runs into LA and decides she is ready for BI with him.

Let it never be said that tacos took a backseat in this production.

“Of course it is- it’s an Amigo Taco! Tacos, tacos, tacos….”

Amigo Tacos- for a taco you can rely on.

I know not everyone is comfortable with the telephone, but this is taking it a bit too far.

“He wants more phone sex!”

“Sorry, but I can’t possibly stay with someone who has telephone sex!”

“Even POLE is more acceptable!”

“Ellis, you’re mine- and don’t ever forget it!”

“I thought we discussed this- you’re useless!”

“I am not useless!”

“I know you’ve been thinking about BI and Liangs…”

“…but you are destined to be mine!”

“This Spidey-sense thing is overrated- I can’t seem to get it to work.”

“Oh, hello girls.”

“Using the magic of teleport, I have got here ahead of you.”

“Sorry, are you important to the series at all?”

“Sadly, I believe he is.”

“Director, the zoom function on the camera’s gone weird again.”

Next episode

Nadie puzzles over the purpose of a spoon.

Reviewed this week: Baccano! 6, Dennou Coil 15-16, El Cazador 23, Mononoke 8, Mushi-Uta 10, RxJ 20-1, SaiMono II 19, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 7, Seirei no Moribito 23, Shounen Onmyouji 18, Sisters of Wellber 9

…and in manga: Chokotto Sister 42-4, Tsubasa 167

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Dennou Coil (1) – the best of the best of the best, sir!
2. SaiMono II (2) – recap, damn it
3. Oh! Edo Rocket (3) – bizarre yet fun
4. Baccano! (5) – I don’t know what’s going on, but I like it
5. Mushi-Uta (6) – best episode yet
6. Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (4) – I’m in despair!
7. Mononoke (7) – incense
8. Darker than Black (8) – caring at minimum
9. Doujin Work (9) – this is becoming a guilty pleasure
10. Koutetsu Sangokushi (10) – pure HARD GAY
11. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai (11) – evil uncle
12. Seirei no Moribito (12) – Flashback Mode
13. Romeo X Juliet (13) – what’s the point anymore?
14. El Cazador de la Bruja (14) – useless Nadie

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Tetsuko no Tabi (2)- demoted to slow
2. Sisters of Wellber (3) – predictable but fun
3. Shounen Onmyouji (1)- now getting its own musical!?
4. Love GetChu! (4)- light entertainment

Baccano! 6: You’d think I’d have some idea of what was going on in this series by now, but with each passing episode I actually have less of a grasp of what’s meant to be happening. This time around, there is a confrontation and some bloodiness on the train, before catching up with various other characters such as Ennis and the past adventures of Isaac and Miria. I wish I could say more, but my grasp of events in this series is slipping away, even though my enjoyment remains consistent.

Dennou Coil 15-16: Dennou Coil, no matter how many times I pledge my worth to you in these paragraphs, it isn’t enough, so let me once again dedicate my life to serving as your high priestess. I now feel unworthy for even fearing that the series could not continue to outdo itself, for in this pair of episodes the bar is raised once again, as we learn more about old space, 4423 and the deepening twists and mysteries of the Dennou world. Both Yasako and the deceased Kanna could use a power called Imago to detect old space- but was that the reason Kanna died? Is it true that those who go too far into old space and remove their glasses lose their souls along with their Dennou bodies? Is there any reason why I can’t visit the reality of this most excellent anime? I want to know and watch everything this series has to offer, but at the same time, I never want it to end.

El Cazador de la Bruja 23: There is a fairly well-known quote that goes “Parsifal – the kind of opera that starts at six o’clock and after it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6:20” and with a few changes here and there, this saying could surely be used for El Cazador. Every five minute interval of this show stretches into eternity, until it seems as if it must surely never end before you expire and quit this earth once and for all. Anyway, somehow this episode was completed, in which Ellis heals Nadie’s HP, Blue Eyes offers plenty of exposition, and Rosenberg takes a plane to the final boss location (begging the question as to why he didn’t just fly there with Ellis in the first place). Watching this is a pain, but I’m going to love ranting about it in due course.

Mononoke 8: An interesting new arc begins in this episode, in which four men gather for an ‘incense battle’ in which correctly identifying various scents will win them the hand of the contest setter, Lady Ruri. When one of the men fails to show up, however, a certain medicine seller takes his place, in search of a Mononoke he believes is close by. Even disregarding the fact that there is more going on, the incense game in itself is interesting in its novelty- I almost want an Incense Battlers anime to come out.

Mushi-Uta 10: Our three leads have started finding out the truth about each other, and now it’s time for the revelations to continue as Rina discovers that Daisuke is actually Kakkou, whilst Shiika wonders if her status as a Host means that she should stay away from the people she cares about. Along the way, we learn more about the shadowy GARDEN (echoes of FF8, anyone?), learn that the evil bishie knew everything from the start and was trying to manipulate everyone, and witness a confrontation between Rina and Daisuke. The latter is somewhat predictable- why bother pitting main characters against each other when they are both protected from death status? Aside from this predictable turn of events, however, this is a generally good episode- roll on the finale and then season two.

Romeo X Juliet 20-1: As we approach the final stretch, the plot is finally moving in Romeo X Juliet, but naturally, it is a case of too little, too late. Whilst Juliet learns that she may have to become a tree to save the world, Romeo’s Harvest Moon dreams crumble to dust, forcing him to return home and confront the city-burning Montague. It all seems like an exercise in pointlessness, with time wasted on such trifling aside as “oh, by the way, Benvolio and Cordelia have been having a relationship off screen and are now getting married”, but it is a slight improvement on the long middle stretch.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II 19: After the disappointment of recap last week, SaiMono is slowly beginning to build into a new arc, introducing two new characters and seeing Yuushun sworn in as prime minister- complete with ten conditions designed to prevent the abuse of power. Once, Yuushun seemed like a mere one rung above generic, but with his ten resolutions he secures himself in the realms of 1337, whilst the new characters also look interesting, even if the cast is getting a little unmanageable by this point.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 7: As a mere gaijin, I felt unable to get the best out of this episode- whereas the many references of this type of show don’t usually bother me, this time around I floundered a little and was unable to appreciate much of the humour. Fortunately, whilst the doujinshi scene and the later part with the pi prodigy and other people being lauded didn’t do much for me, I did gain a measure of entertainment from the coloured chicks (nice PPD reference there). I hope I’m not going off this series, but perhaps I just need to reschedule when I watch it to reduce distraction.

Seirei no Moribito 23: Last episode, I barely noticed when all of winter passed in the space of a few minutes, but this time around I tried to be ever so slightly more engaged as the parade of dullness marched on. Whilst Chagum grows up enough to start wearing a new costume, the Tanda x Balsa angle is played a bit more (leave it alone, please, it’s too late for that now) before something finally happens when Shuga and the others find Chagum in time to help defend against La Lunga’s attack. I have to admit the closing scene was one of the more engaging parts for a while, but really by now I just want to get it over with.

Shounen Onmyouji 18: A rather pointless episode this time around, in which Masahiro’s previously unmentioned older brother and his family are menaced by a baboon demon, and Mokkun starts acting strangely- simply because he doesn’t like children. Although it initially appears to be the start of a new arc, this episode ends up being a standalone story, and one so pointless that you have to wonder at its inclusion. The only thing of note is the proper introduction of another Spirit Summon, Kouchin, but this series really needs a second season.

Wellber no Monogatari ~Sisters of Wellber~ 9: it’s an entirely predictable episode this time around, with Tina making a promise to stop stealing, only for a female thief to show up soon after. Naturally, we in the audience know that Tina is innocent, but Rita cannot help suspecting her on the weight of some apparently damning evidence. It’s all content we’ve seen before, but staying in this sort of safe territory is what makes Wellber a decent piece of light entertainment.

MANGA

Chokotto Sister 42-44: Over the last few chapters, it’s been tempting to assume that the mangaka had grown up a little and thrown out the fanservice in favour of a proper slice-of-life/romance combination, but alas, it seems he ran out of ideas and reverted to type in this chapter, which introduces new nipple shots and a new character in the form of Haruma’s cousin. Having run away from home, said cousin promptly blackmails Haruma into letting her stay with him (after all, does he want his family to know he’s living with a little girl that ‘Santa’ gave him?), before establishing herself as the ‘forward’ harem member type. I’m not too enthralled about this new twist in events, but since chapters come through at a trickle, I shall keep reading.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 167: Okay, so in the last chapter Kurogane gave up his left arm so that everyone could get out of Celes (I totally missed that), and now he and Fye are in Nihon country with Tomoyo- and from the looks of things, Fye wants to end their HARD GAY relationship now that he knows Kurogane is secretly STRAIGHT for Tomoyo. In the meantime, Syaoran (whichever one it is) has just met with Watanuki, but why? What’s going on? Does the fact that we’re visiting the home worlds of the leads mean that the series is finally going to end? And if it does, how will CLAMP earn their money?

“I shall give myself Gun!”

(“Oh no, she caught me about to have Hyper Self Pleasure!”)

“Oh, so you do have a Gun after all- I thought maybe the reason you were into cybersex was because you weren’t able to have the real thing.”

“Would you like to give me Pleasure?”

“Women can’t give Gun.”

“They can’t? I can see I have been grossly misinformed.”

Ellis is once again interested in Kokopelli’s “pipe”.

Meanwhile, Nadie decides to enquire about new forms of BI.

“I’m a newcomer to the BI scene, so I don’t really know about the kinkier stuff.”

“There’s this old guy who’s been around the block a few times- he probably knows all sorts of techniques.”

“Now, which Pipe will offer the best experience?”

“Yeah, I know one or two things about Pleasure you young ‘uns won’t have experienced.”

“Tell me everything you know about BI!”

The threat of another bus arc is never far away.

“Am I perhaps ready for Double Pipe?”

“Hey Ellis, could you pick out one of those pipes for me? It turns out I don’t have one of my own.”

“You what?”

“Yes, she was truly blessed with unique powers…wait a minute, anyone can do those things!”

“Ah, sitting in the background and listening in on the plot- is there any finer use of my time?”

“I wonder, were the witches of HARD YURI corrupted by the Liangs of men?”

“Anyway, only try those advanced techniques I told you if you’re truly serious about BI.”

Oh god no- it took twenty-two episodes to get here, and now you’re suggesting going back?

“Nadie, did you find out about any good BI techniques?”

“I can’t wait for BI!”

“I feel like an idiot in this costume- and I still can’t cast Omega Star.”

“So much for all those Amigo Tacos employment promises.”

“El Cazador Card Battles!”

“It’s us…again.”

“Group Pleasure!”

“Would you like to join in?”

“Sorry, but I’ve decided not to sell my body anymore- Ellis is the only one for me.”

“Well, how about we catch this puma instead? Given the events of last episode, it should be right up your street.”

“Haven’t you heard of the feline mafia?”

“Oh great, I’ve woken up in the middle of nowhere again.”

“I really have to cut back on the alcohol.”

“It’s almost like the writers don’t even care anymore.”

“Even the fork was better.”

“Ellis, watch out! Dangerous barrel up ahead!”

“That’s a mean one, all right.”

“Oh wait, Lirio has already disarmed the barrel- stand down.”

(“I wonder if anyone can spot me behind this barrel?”)

“I found out the hard way that CAT isn’t for me.”

According to the rules of El Cazador: the RPG, Lirio’s attack doubles when Ricardo is downed.

Unfortunately, 2×0 is still 0.

“I may be useless, but at least I have main character power!”

“You’re nothing without me, Nadie!”

“Hmm, good point.”

“Activate weird camera controls!”

“Hey, what happened to the camera?”

“My internet may have been cut off, but I’ll just leech off someone else’s wireless connection!”

“Now to log onto cybersex- let’s see who’s online.”

“Oh, it’s just LA- he doesn’t even have a Liang.”

“Help me- a paw is reaching through a small hole!”

“Don’t worry, Nadie- I’ll protect you!”

“Man, do I feel useless…”

Poor cat, it never wanted to be part of El Cazador.

“Activate laser defence system!”

“Pleasure Field on!”

“What’s happening? I’m feeling strangely aroused!”

“The intense Pleasure Aura is ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe!”

“Take this- Pleasure Zap!”

“She will incinerate you with her new Pleasure powers!”

“This feels…so good…”

“Oh no, we ran out of time on this level of Utawarriors, and boulders have started to fall!”

“Did something just happen?”

“You fool- you just invoked Pleasure power strong enough to seriously injure your partner!”

“Rosenberg, why did you have to leave? Now I will never get any character development!”

“He was sick of waiting for the plot to advance.”

This is the only shot contained in the entire preview.