Part II: Shu

Liu Bei: A youthful lover, effeminate to the point that no one really knows his (or her) true gender. Despite his lack of experience, his uncertain sexuality should please those who like to experiment.

Zhuge Liang: God’s own son, a master in the bedroom. Few have seen him “tackle out”, and it will take someone very special to get the full HARD GAY treatment from him.

Guan Yu: A rough and direct lover, consumed by the Lord’s Sphere to the extent of becoming violent in the bedroom.

Zhang Fei: Similat to Guan Yu, only even more lacking in finesse.

Zhao Yun: A skilled and secretive lover, he likes to laugh at any partner inferior to him. Only those able to keep up with his swift technique need apply.z

Part III: Wei

Cao Cao: In any other world, Cao Cao would be refined and effeminate, but as it stands he is more masculine than the other kingdom leaders. A man who prefers unpredictability and bondage in the bedroom, a night with him may be exciting, but not necessarily for the right reasons.

Cao Ren: A rough and boorish lover, not recommended except in the most desperate of circumstances.

Zhang Liao: A quiet lover, prefers to remain submissive in the background.

Xu Zhu: Likes to cosplay as a Man in Black- bring your nurse and maid costumes for a fun, kinky night with him.

*NEW* Dragons’ Den: Death Note

Welcome to a brand new feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral‘ first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

First into the Den is Light Yagami, looking to secure investment in his new innovation, the Death Note.

Light: Hello everyone, I’d like to present my business idea- the Death Note. Basically, you write down a person’s name whilst picturing their face, and then they will die of a heart attack or other specified cause. Using this, you can quickly eliminate your business rivals and increase your profits.

Cardinal: Hmm, and how will this be better than the system I’m already using?

Light: It’s no mess, no fuss- instant killing!

Admiral: Can I ask you something? Did you actually come up with this idea yourself?

Light: Uh, no- it actually belongs to the world of shinigami.

Admiral: So any shinigami could come down to Earth and put one of these on the market?

Light: Hmm, I suppose so…

Admiral: That’s it- I’m out.

The Admiral has declared herself out already, and Light is in for more bad news when President Aria has his say.

Aria: Punyu [this sort of thing goes against my morality, so I'm out].

Aria is out, but could Mr Tibbs be about to throw Light a lifeline?

Mr Tibbs: So, Light, have you any proof that this thing can actually make money?

Light: Well, the Yotsuba group used it to great effect.

Mr Tibbs: But they were caught, weren’t they?

Light: I’m sure you’re smart enough not to get caught.

Mr Tibbs: Well, quite.

Cardinal: Would it be possible to perhaps take this product in a slightly different direction? I mean, killing people is all very well, but what if I just want to teach them a lesson? Would it be possible to make a sort of Punishment Note that just gives them an electric shock or something?

Light: I’m afraid it’s death or nothing.

Cardinal: In that case, I’m out.

Mr Tibbs: I’m going to declare myself out too.

Tibbs and the Cardinal are both out; now all of Light’s hopes rest with Mikoto. Mikoto has remained quiet throughout the negotiation, but now she is about to reveal her hand.

Mikoto: I’ve been listening to all this, and I actually like the idea. You see, there are a lot of annoying characters in Mai-Otome, and so far there’s been no way to kill them off. With your Death Note I could change all that, so I’d like to invest.

Light: I’d like to accept your offer. Hail Kira!

After a tough time in the Den, Light has walked away with the deal he wanted, but will he write the names of the Dragons down in the Death Note? We hope not, or there’ll be no follow up to this feature!

Bokurano

“I am the Bartender, here to mix you your destined drink.”

“Look, I don’t have time to go over my life story so you can decide what that drink is- just get me plain old water.”

“I’m really into shogi ever since I watched Shion no Ou!”

“Do you think I could take my shogi board business into the Dragons’ Den?”

As far as dialogue goes in this sort of situation, this has to be the worst line ever.

Gonzo reveals their next plan- a spin-off studio called Sagonzo.

Poor guy- tired out from too much HARD GAY.

“I know I said I’d given up HARD GAY, but I couldn’t resist!”

“They’ll get their Liangs out no matter how much you try to stop them.”

Yes, there’s a lot of things you can’t do when you’re dead- say stupid lines, for one.

HARD GAY corner: Atelier Iris

As an alchemist, Klein Kiesling was well versed in using his “cane”, but unfortunately, he just couldn’t seem to shake off the interest of women. At last, however, he found an older and more experienced lover in the form of Delsus, before later catching the eye of expert “swordsman” Arlin. Unfortunately, Arlin was so obsessed with his ex-lover Mull that he frequently went off for Hyper Self Pleasure instead of committing to his new partner, forcing Klein to confront Mull in battle in the hopes of removing him from the equation entirely and winning Arlin’s heart. He was even undeterred on finding out that Arlin was just a Pleasure toy created by Mull- after all, androids are programmed with multiple techniques.

This week in Anime

Hands up who remembers Quantum Leap.

“What the f*ck do you mean, I’m not allowed to f*cking swear!?”

Brown dog plots revenge for its fallen comrades.

“It would become this big!”

Is that Kyo from Fruits Basket lurking in the background?

The secret base of the tomatoes is discovered.

Advertising, anyone?

“Oranges, fresh from their traversal of the Antarctic wastes.”

“Don’t you like my new girlfriend?”

Apples find a new champion.

Mini-editorial: Do we stop being ourselves the more popular our blogs become?

When we start blogging, it is usually in a sea of obscurity- no one knows us, hardly anyone reads us, and the anonymity afforded by the net enables us to rant about what we wish without fear of reprisal on the dreaded Letter Bomb Night.

Nonetheless, as the blog draws attention from readers, aggregators and fellow bloggers, there may well be a tendency to abandon the plain-speaking of the earlier days and adopt an outlook more suited to fitting in than expressing ourselves. If all our contemporaries like Lucky Star, then how tempting it must be to either agree with them to avoid being called an insensitive idiot, or to deliberately provoke them with flaming about the series- all regardless of our actual feelings about the show.

Aside from the occasional flame-baiting by the usual suspects, however, does this sort of thing actually happen as our readers turn from faceless generics into named characters? Do we start conveniently sweeping our dissenting opinions under the rug so that everyone will like us? Do we conveniently fail to admit the guilty pleasure found from sneakily watching certain series? Or do we go the opposite way, and try to antagonise other bloggers for the sake of hits? If people want to do such things, who are we to dictate what they write on their blogs? Perhaps all we can do is respect those brave enough to sit alone at their computers and post their true opinions under an alias.

Reverse Harem of the week: Akane Motomiya (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De)

A character so useless that even in the original game all she could do was use Cheer to motivate her AI controlled party members, Akane managed to make men fall in love with her for no apparent reason.

Harem

Tenma: The possessive wife-beater, and most likely to become Akane’s boyfriend. He becomes extremely paranoid and jealous whenever she as much as looks at another man.

Shimon: The good natured and optimistic shota- voted most likely to love Akane from afar for all eternity whilst serving as Tenma’s whipping boy.

Inori: The hothead young man who initially claims to have no interest in girls.

Tomomasa: The seductive older man with an eye for the ladies.

Yasuaki: The gentle mystic whose cold professionalism hides an innocent heart.

Yorihisa: The honour-bound samurai.

Takamichi: The scribe with a mother complex- most likely to become a family man in later life.

Eisen: The gentle and innocent musician.

Akram:The demon and main villain of the piece, he has an unhealthy fascination with Akane.

Rivals

Ran: A rival priestess and Tenma’s long-lost sister.

Shirin: A female demon who adores Akram and tries to seduce Takamichi.

Sefuru: A young male half-demon who befriends Shimon.

Amusing Search Terms

“fate/stay night” anime continue: No, it must never continue!

gay yaoi: Is there any other kind?

childhood in victorian England: can be best researched on an anime blog.

Amusing Spam

“Topless Putin: Russia goes ga…

MOSCOW: Few could have predicted the squall of gossip and speculation that would follow after Russian President Vladimir Putin stripped…”

This made me laugh so much.

“POWELL…

To much to shallow. This just sounds to liberal for me. Kinda brings back some memories of dating sites….”

So sorry- let’s keep things conservative for now.

“slave porn…

free sex slave training…”

Free, you say? Hmm…

It’s been a year of ups and downs, of anime gems and utter disappointments- a year when I’ve alternated between craving more and feeling utterly fed up with the continuing deluge of episodes that take no account of the fact that people might have other things to do than stay in and watch all day. Nonetheless, in true years-end tradition, we must review all the new series in an Annual Round-Up, a project which I meant to periodically update through the year but ended up writing at the last minute again.

As always, red titles are those which were dropped, and blues are the picks of the year. Come back on Tuesday for the New Year Rumble, in which we take a look at the year in the life of Azure Flame.

STILL RUNNING FROM 2006

Asatte no Houkou

The beginning of the year saw the end of Asatte no Houkou, a series that had started as a strong character drama and slice-of-life piece, but lost it somewhere with its slow pacing and plot contrivances. Ultimately, the series was a ‘curate’s egg’, good in parts but sorely lacking in others.
Final words: The series may have been called ‘The Direction of the Day After Tomorrow’, but sadly the plot sometimes lacked direction.

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto

Last year, I labelled the emerging Iroha as a tentative pick of the year, but in retrospect, it was more silver than the gold tier it seemed at first. Despite remaining generally enjoyable throughout, the series got mired in a repetitive storyline, numerous historical cameos and an ending that defied sense and explanation.
Final words: Good for those who like action or historical series, but sadly not worthy of entering the hall of classics.

Busou Renkin

Ah, Busou Renkin, a series replete with cheesiness, ridiculous special abilities and Shounen Jump clichés- on the surface of it, hardly something worth writing home about, and yet an important series in its own right. A prime parody candidate, every week of Busou Renkin brought more hilarity than the creators had ever meant to include as Kazuki found himself torn between the worlds of HARD GAY, STRAIGHT and BI.
Final words: I wouldn’t actually watch the series ever again, but parodying it was a lot of fun- blogging hasn’t been the same since.

Le Chevalier d’Eon

At the end of last year, Chevalier was going strong, and it lost very little of its appeal as it moved into its closing episodes. Yes, the ending didn’t make a great deal of sense on close inspection, but with strong characters, worthy action scenes and an unfaltering sense of historical atmosphere, Chevalier remained enjoyable throughout.
Final words: Good enough to parody twice.

La Corda d’Oro

Last year, I had an optimistic view of Corda; this time around, the tale of a Neoromance reverse harem would surely have decent characters and some kind of a plot- or so I thought. Unfortunately, it was not to be- whilst our lead cheated her way through the music competition with a magical violin, the shallow supporting characters and slow pacing did nothing to disguise the general lack of substance.
Final words: Another game adaptation hardly worth writing home about.

Death Note

I enjoyed the Death Note manga, but in anime form, it wasn’t a series that could work for me- the long exposition scenes never seemed suited for an animated format, and attempts to bring the story to life only made Light seem overly theatrical under his red spotlight. After many episodes of thinking “well, the next arc will be better”, I decided to terminate my relationship with the series.
Final words: It didn’t flourish in animated format.

Kanon

As we must all know by now, after the first few episodes, Kanon failed to do much for me- Yuuichi was always too sarcastic and cruel to the girls, who were in turn too one-dimensional to do anything about it. Despite the series’ attempts to tug at the heartstrings, overall it failed to ignite for me, ending up as only another excuse for parody.
Final words: Sad girls in snow don’t make me cry.

Mai-Otome Zwei

Most trainwrecks have the grace to stop and let the rescue crew hunt for survivors, but not Mai-Otome- it just keeps rumbling on. Aside from one or two good action scenes, this whole OVA proved to be a waste of time, introducing a pointless enemy and filling every spare moment with character cameos and fanservice. There was no real reason to expect anything else, but why do I keep getting sucked into this franchise?
Final words: Why do I already know I’ll be watching the next sub-par Otome OVA?

Red Garden

Despite attempts to make its mark with a distinctive art style and a New York setting, Red Garden managed to utterly fail at either the horror or character drama it was presumably aiming for. With four angsty leads who spent most of their time whining or crying and a mystery that dragged on into a totally ridiculous conclusion, Red Garden was a largely dull experience that never rewarded the patience of those who dared to persevere with it.
Final words: Don’t bother with it. Really. It doesn’t get better later on.

Saiunkoku Monogatari

On the strength of its first season, SaiMono established itself as one of my favourites; far from the reverse harem series it first appeared, it actually proved to be an absorbing tale of intrigue, politics and character interaction as one woman chased her dream of becoming her country’s first female official. Of course, the attractive character designs don’t hurt, but to consider this series shallow just because of that would be to do it a great disservice.
Final words: I don’t see why anyone reading this blog wouldn’t have watched SaiMono yet, but if you haven’t, get to it now.

Shounen Onmyouji

A fairly generic tale of a young onymouji being sent to fight the strongest demons just because he happens to be the main character, Shounen Onmyouji was often pointless and rarely very good, but somehow managed to retain interest by having twelve spirit summons who were gradually introduced over the course of the series- and with many of them having little more than a basic appearance, the series even seemed to demand a second season in which to adapt more of the novels.
Final words: Large casts usually work against a series, but in this case it was a draw for an otherwise average series.

WINTER 2006/7
Winter is traditionally a slow month for anime, but could the fledgling 2007 break the curse of the cold months? Sadly, with only a couple of worthy series that were worth following to the end, it seemed that it could not.

Deltora Quest
Despite numerous failures, I’ve always kept my eye out for decent fantasy series, but sadly, Deltora Quest was not one of them. Despite being so packed with cliché and unintentional hilarity that it could have made a good parody candidate, the fact that the series needed to resort to budget saving flashbacks and stills as early as episode four was far from a good sign, and when the next episode proved to be even more dull and uneventful (consisting as it did of answering riddles), the series was quickly shelved, never to be touched again.
Final words: Classic fantasy in anime needs drastic reinvention.

Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight
School comedies have always been hit or miss for me, and Manabi Straight struck right out in its first episode. With an energetic and clueless lead who somehow becomes school president, Manabi Straight didn’t do a great deal for me, and was quickly assigned to the Recycle Bin.
Final words: Not for me.

Ichigo Mashimaro OVA

Basically a continuation of the TV series, the Ichigo Mashimaro OVA offered three more episodes of Nobue and the girls’ everyday adventures. Despite dragging a little in the second episode, overall the OVA was as entertaining as the TV series, with apt observations and polished delivery and timing turning basic activities into a source of amusement and entertainment.
Final words: A nice coda for a strong TV series.

Les Miserables Shoujo Cosette
As an attempt to adapt the original novel to a fifty-episode series aimed at the younger audience, Cosette seemed determined to make life hard for itself, and the results were appropriately unspectacular. With its emphasis on the Cinderella-esque life of Cosette, the series dripped with twee sentiments and overused plotlines to the exclusion of the good parts of the story.
Final words: Almost painful in its execution.

Maria-sama ga Miteru OVA

Prior to this OVA, I liked MariMite- despite all the angst, it managed to deliver a worthy tale of school life with a sprinkling of HARD YURI. Unfortunately, it was not a format that could make the transition to fifty-minute OVA episodes with any grace- everything became terribly long, drawn out and dull, whilst the HARD YURI content took advantage of its newfound freedom to reach new and unforeseen heights.
Final words: I’ll still be trying season four, but this OVA was a major setback for the franchise.

Nodame Cantabile

The only real noteworthy TV series from the winter season (aside from Hidamari Sketch and Himawari!!, both of which I still need to start), Nodame Cantabile promised to be ‘Honey and Clover with music’, but instead became tantalisingly inconsistent. At times, its insights into its two leads- one a technical genius, the other an intuitive talent- made it compelling viewing, but all too often the off-kilter humour and wacky side characters ruined the mood, whilst an air of Shounen Jump “let’s level up and make the strongest orchestra!” always lurked in the background. Despite these flaws, however, Nodame was overall a worthwhile investment of time, and with the manga still ongoing, a second season would be welcomed.
Final words: Snatches of greatness kept the series appealing even as the wackier elements suggested switching off would be the way to go.

SPRING 2007
Spring is usually the best season for anime, and indeed there were lots of promising contenders right out of the gate. When it came to the long haul, however, which would make it to the finish line, and which would run out of steam?

Bokurano
As readers may know, I love, adore and worship the Bokurano manga, and so I was delighted to hear that it was going to be adapted into an anime…right up until the moment I heard Studio “adaptation trainwreck” Gonzo would be handling it. Nonetheless, I went into the series with an open mind, only to find disappointment with major story changes and a complete lack of tension in the pacing- worse yet, the director himself claimed that he didn’t even like the original! I took his advice and chose not to watch any more.
Final words: If someone tries to pretend this anime even existed, I shall stick my fingers in my ears and sing loudly.

Claymore

I’ve managed to upset many Claymore fans by not rating the manga very highly, but let’s face it- faults aside, I’m still reading after seventy-four chapters and I do want to know how it’s all going to turn out. The same could not be said for the anime, which bucked me off like a recalcitrant horse after a mere eleven episodes thanks to uninspiring characters, dull fight scenes and a washed out colour scheme.
Final words: Give me Berserk any day.

Darker than Black

During its early episodes, I had the highest of hopes for Darker than Black- it seemed slick, well directed and packed with the perfect mix of exposition, mystery and action. Unfortunately, despite such a strong start, the series soon began to flounder, adopting a pacing more suited to a fifty-episode series as it introduced minor characters, packed in last minute explanations and generally failed to live up to those early days. Even Yoko Kanno’s work on the music didn’t seem up to her usual high standard, ensuring that no aspect of the series really lived up to its potential.
Final words: Darker than Black it may be, but it wasn’t better than good.

Dennou Coil

Ah, Dennou Coil, how much more can I praise you? I accept that this series wasn’t perfect, but if you’ll excuse the lapse into informality, it was damn close. Never before has a series so deserved to be lavished with internet praise along the lines of 1337, awesome and w1n, all thanks to an intriguing setting and story, combined with memorable and well developed characters. Mere words alone are not enough to praise this series, which was surely the best offering of 2007.
Final words: I worship at the shrine of Dennou Coil, and encourage others to join.

El Cazador de la Bruja

Better known as “El Caza-bore”, this third instalment in Bee Train’s girls-with-guns series did indeed contain girls and guns, but not in any combination that produced action. Instead, what we got was the most dreary road trip through a version of Latin America that contained only cacti, roadside diners and various other dusty clichés. Just watching all twenty-six episodes was an effort in itself, and one I only pursued for the sake of creating a superior parody version of events.
Final words: You haven’t experienced boredom until you’ve watched El Cazador.

Heroic Age
A series about a character named Age rather than an age of heroes, Heroic Age tried to create an epic setting involving space battles, legendary tribes and the like, but somewhere along the line it all became a dull universe populated by rejects from other Xebec series. With even the cameraman opting to stay well back from the action, there seemed little reason for anyone else to try to examine it closely.
Final words: Another average offering from Xebec.

Hitohira
A series about a shy girl who gets so nervous that she can’t speak (yet somehow gets into the drama club due to her occasional ability to shout), Hitohira was something I stuck with for a mere two episodes, before deciding that it wasn’t going to bring me anything particularly worthy. With forgettable characters and hints of HARD YURI, Hitohira seemed to patch together elements of other series like Tsuyokiss and Gokujou Seitokai- hardly a recommendation.
Final words: Like its lead, Hitohira remained quiet and unnoticed.

Koutetsu Sangokushi

As a fan of the Three Kingdoms era, I was looking forward to a series that would surely present it better than the forgettable 1990s effort- but sadly, despite superior production values, Koutetsu Sangokushi was not to be that series. Although Koutetsu should be praised for focusing on the kingdom of Wu, it loses points for its extreme levels of ridiculousness, from a super-HARD GAY gender-confused cast to the inclusion of special sentai powers for the main characters- somehow I just don’t remember these things happening in the original novel.
Final words: As far as historical adaptations go, this one is just laughably ridiculous.

Lucky Star

A series that attracted both hate and adoration in adoration, Lucky Star did very little for me; I didn’t despise it, but for me it just did very little- episodes would pass by and I would sit in front of them, almost completely indifferent to them. Occasionally I would laugh, but much of the series was just white noise.
Final words: Ichigo Mashimaro and Minami-ke make everyday life amusing, but Lucky Star just rambles on and on.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS
The first two seasons of Nanoha weren’t great, but they won me over with their attractive character designs and worthy action scenes; sadly, the first thing StrikerS did was to introduce new characters to an already bloated cast and throw out actual battle in favour of training against robots. Whilst the leads were forced to wear limiters to remove their God Modes, everything was left in the hands of the newbies, whilst what had once been a simple world of magical girls fighting evil became tied up in pointless bureaucracy. It may have improved later on, but after six episodes, I bailed out.
Final words: No more Nanoha for me.

Murder Princess
An OVA from Bee Train, Murder Princess told the tale of a princess and a bounty hunter who rather randomly end up swapping bodies, but unfortunately, what looked like it would at least be a mildly entertaining fantasy series was ruined by ridiculous elements such as a mad scientist and his two loli androids. In the end, even a mere six episodes of this seemed like too much.
Final words: Nice character designs, shame about the rest.

Oh! Edo Rocket

With its low profile and childish-looking character designs, Oh! Edo Rocket initially didn’t seem like something worth watching- but how wrong I was. After some positive recommendations, I reversed my position and took the plunge, and it was eminently worth it. A series so crazy that you cannot help but love it, Oh! Edo Rocket is nominally about a fireworks maker trying to create a rocket that can go to the moon, but there is much more packed into it- from secret ‘Men in Black’ with special powers to aliens, monsters and a metric ton of pop culture references. It’s crazy, hilarious, sometimes a little dark, and a cut above pretty much every other anime that relies so heavily on humour and parody.
Final words: If Dennou Coil is the best series of the year, then this one must deserve the silver medal.

Romeo X Juliet

Adaptations come from many sources, but could anime really make something out of a Shakespeare play? Whether or not it could, Gonzo was determined to try, and in their usual fashion, they glanced at the original, threw it out of the window, and created a version that involved magical trees, flying horses and an aerial city that just happened to be named Neo Verona. Despite the general lack of similarity to the original, the series started well enough, and seemed as if it would go down as inoffensive light entertainment; unfortunately, as it progressed, the plot became ever more lacking and ridiculous, whilst the leads hardly inspired one to care for their plight. In the end, it found its greatest worth in the parody arena.
Final words: Romeo X Juliet? More like Ridiculous X Joke.

Saiunkoku Monogatari II

After such a strong first series, was it any surprise that I wanted more SaiMono? Unfortunately, with subs having dried up, I had to go it alone into the domain of raws, which for such a dialogue-heavy series meant relying on Impz and usagijen to help me through. Unfortunately, this approach distances me a little from the action, so that whilst I still enjoy the series and think it is good, it just doesn’t hook me in as it did before. Is it the complex web of storyline that I can’t follow in raw, the introduction of a few too many new characters, or the decision to slow down the pacing a bit to accommodate the fact that the series is catching up with the novels?
Final words: I love it, but I want to spend more time exploring the main characters- maybe a full immersion in the world of the series is what is needed.

Sakura Taisen New York
Having enjoyed the first two Sakura Wars OVAs and the TV series, I felt it was high time to branch out into the later OVAs- only to discover that with New York, I had chosen a poor place to start. With a brand new lead and his harem of shallow girls, this failed attempt to recapture the original Sakura Taisen magic completely and utterly fell flat, forcing me to abandon it by its second episode.
Final words: The original cast cannot be bettered.

Seirei no Moribito

It had the most beautiful of settings, but after a strong early start, that ultimately seemed to be all Seirei no Moribito could offer. Although its slow and tranquil pacing satisfied some, for me it was a case of being a series where not only did nothing ever happen, but it took a long time about not happening. There were a few worthy action scenes, but the rest of the series was drenched in sitting and talking- and so many episodes of static conversation can grow stale.
Final words: Instead of making anime, let’s just sit and talk about it.

Shining Tears X Wind
RPG adaptations are renowned for not being up to much, and when the source material is reputedly “the worst RPG ever” (and its sequel), you can’t really expect much. Even so, Shining Tears somehow managed to achieve new levels of awfulness, with its pointless and forgettable leads, incongruous elements (tanks and lasers in a fantasy kingdom) and general lack of anything that can be praised. I once considered Disgaea to be the worst anime ever, but this series has taken that spot.
Final words: It was a pile of Shining Tears X Wind.

Shinkyoku Soukai Polyphonica

Despite having encountered disappointment with the likes of YoakeNa, I still found myself drawn to eroge and visual novel-based series with worthy character designs- hence my brief relationship with Polyphonica. Unfortunately, even the lovely Corticarte could not disguise the fact that Polyphonica was pretty much entirely pointless filler- and when a beach episode appeared as early as episode three, I knew it was time to bail out.
Final words: Have I learned my lesson this time? I hope so.

SKULLMAN
Skullman, Skullman, does whatever a skull can…sits motionless, on a shelf- well, you get the idea. Based on a retro manga and series, SKULLMAN was not a series well-adapted for life in the twenty-first century, and by its first episode it was already floundering. With spoilers on wikipedia recounting a miserable background and fate for the eponymous anti-hero, it hardly seemed watching any more.
Final words: He’s a man… with a skull for a head! Bet you couldn’t guess that from the title, eh?

Victorian Romance Emma Second Act

The first season of Emma was highly enjoyable, but the fact that it only covered two volumes of the manga left the story hanging. With that in mind, a second season seemed a true blessing, although ultimately it was not one that was handled as well as it could have been. Despite having a further five volumes to cover and only twelve more episodes to do it in, Second Act began with a filler episode, before proceeding to cut out large chunks of the story (although admittedly the manga storyline of Emma being kidnapped and taken to America had seemed a little farfetched at the time). All in all, it was still a highly worthy series, just not as good as it could have been.
Final words: You can’t go wrong with Emma, but this still didn’t quite live up to its potential.

Wellber no Monogatari ~Sisters of Wellber~

The tale of a thief and a princess trying to flee one country and make it to another before a deadline, Wellber was another of those series that didn’t seem to bring anything original to the table, but nonetheless appeared entertaining enough to watch. Unfortunately, elements such as predictable storylines and a talking tank conspired against it, but overall it just managed to pull through as a piece of light entertainment- not least because of the unintentional hilarity that cropped up in most episodes.
Final words: Mildly entertaining.

SUMMER 2007
In principle, summer is when everyone is enjoying themselves in the great outdoors- and so why bother to air much in the way of good anime? Still, given the poor showings of summer 2005-6, 2007 might just have the edge over them with its single digit selection.

Baccano!

With a wealth of named characters and a timeline that jumped back and forth through early 1930s America, Baccano was never the easiest series to follow, and indeed, even now I cannot say I had much of a clue what was going on throughout large chunks of it. Even so, the sheer enthusiasm and attack which the series brought to our screens was so infectious that one could not help but enjoy it- whether it was a tense shootout or just Isaac and Miria getting up to their usual antics, Baccano was always entertaining- and with many more novels left to adapt, hopes for a second season are high.
Final words: Every season needs a good historical series, and this was the summer’s candidate.

Doujin Work

A short series focusing on a young woman who believes she can make her fortune drawing doujinshi, Doujin Work was never going to be anything very special, but despite the budget animation and predictable jokes, it was somehow entertaining. And with the actual episodes running at only fourteen minutes (the rest of the time slot was taken up with a live action guide to making doujinshi), it isn’t a huge investment in time either.
Final words: Light entertainment done right.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai

After the first season, Higurashi had generally failed to impress, but having embarked upon the franchise, I felt I had to carry it through- a feeling that eroded with every week of watching Kai. Everything just felt so drawn out and over the top, especially Satoko’s situation (I would applaud the series for at least having a go at tackling the difficult subject of child abuse, but then again, is that something I really want to watch for entertainment?). Even the introduction of Hanyu to the mix couldn’t save the plot, and in the end I decided to leave the citizens of Hinamizawa to their miserable fate.
Final words: It fails in the execution.

Mononoke

Having been largely bored by Ayakashi, I approached its spin-off with caution- what if it was more of the same excruciatingly slow pacing? Nonetheless, having watched and enjoyed Requiem from the Darkness right before it started to air, I decided to take the plunge, and although Mononoke did indeed have its weak points, it turned out the be the right decision. With an intriguing lead character, unique art style and slicker direction than its predecessor, Mononoke managed to hit all the right notes for supernatural fantasy. A second season would not go amiss.
Final words: It succeeded because it didn’t have ‘Ayakashi’ in the title.

Mushi-Uta

Call me shallow, but the whole reason I wanted to watch Mushi-Uta was because the title seemed to label it as the bastard son of Mushishi and Utawarerumono. In fact, aside from a masked character who resembled Hakuoro, it bore very little resemblance to either, but after a shaky start, Mushi-Uta finally came up with the goods. Although the mixture of giant bug battles and high school life was often confusing, and in spite of the fact that I could barely get a grip on the characters’ names, the story slowly drew me in, to the extent that I even cared about the fate of a minor character. As with several other series this year, it needs a second season.
Final words: Sometimes randomly picked choices can work out well after all.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

Since the blogworld once had its own Hopeless Sensei, this anime seemed almost destined to be watched, and happily it was a series well suited to SHAFT’s randomness. A classroom comedy with a twist of bleak despair, Sensei was much like any other comedy- funny when it hit the mark, but somewhat random and a little tedious when it didn’t. Coupled with a distinctive high contrast art style, it made the series memorable and unique, but not always for the right reasons.
Final words: Somewhat inconsistent, but with some highly worthy moments.

Tetsuko no Tabi
It’s hard for me to really appraise Tetsuko no Tabi since out of thirteen episodes I’ve only seen a badly subbed version of the first one, but nonetheless I’ll include it for completeness. A series based on actual train journeys, Tetsuko no Tabi had an interesting enough first episode, but without more material to work with, I can’t really form a proper opinion on this.
Final words: Won’t anyone sub this?

Zombie-Loan
DearS never looked promising, and Peach-Pit had already disappointed me with Rozen Maiden, but nonetheless for some reason I just had to try Zombie-Loan. Unfortunately, the series proved to lack much in the way of appeal, coming across only as an inferior version of xxxHOLiC and Tokyo Babylon.
Final words: CLAMP already did it better.

AUTUMN 2007
Like the spring, the autumn is meant to be replete with series worth watching, but let’s face it- Autumn 2007 was a big fat disappointment. Yes, there were some good series, but somehow the preponderance of mediocrity combined with circumstances in the outside world ensured that anime enthusiasm reached new and previously unexplored lows.

Aria the OVA ~Arietta~
For those of us who needed more Aria to keep us going, this brief OVA would have to make do between the long-finished second and upcoming third seasons. There’s not much to say about it, really, other than that it was another gentle and tranquil half-hour of life in Neo-Venezia, and in fact proved to be so worthy that I sat and watched it without even wanting to disturb my concentration by taking screencaps.
Final words: Punyu!

Clannad

I enjoyed Air and disliked Kanon, so it seemed likely that Clannad would fall somewhere in between, and indeed, so far it has. With a more likable lead than Kanon, it immediately scores over its predecessor, but unfortunately there seems to be a limit to the number of “sad girls” stories one person can swallow before becoming a little blasé about the whole thing.
Final words: It’s not bad, but I just can’t fangirl over it.

ef- a tale of memories
Whilst Owen and the others raved over it in their multi-post extravaganza, ef for me was a title that needed to be put on hiatus after episode three- the idea of someone being unable to retain their memories for more than thirteen hours was intriguing, but watching ef felt like following three different series, of which only one was worth following. I shall one day go back and watch the rest of the season in one go, but it wasn’t something where I wanted to put the effort of watching weekly.
Final words: I’ll get back to it…later.

Genshiken II
I enjoyed the first season of Genshiken, and so it seemed a foregone conclusion that the second would strike gold as well- after all, it had the rest of the original manga to work with. And indeed, Genshiken 2 quickly launched back into familiar territory, with familiar situations, character development and the sad realisation that many of our favourite personalities were graduating and moving on.
Final words: Now onwards to the manga.

Gundam 00
After Seed Destiny, my relationship with the Gundam franchise hit something of a rocky patch, so much so that it would take something far better than the usual Sunrise fare to repair it. Sadly, Gundam 00 wasn’t about to do that for me, and after a few episodes of pointless factions and a group who planned to enforce world peace by instigating wars, I decided to put the whole series on the heating element behind the normal back-burner.
Final words: Watching it can wait until 2008.

Hero Tales
With a name like ‘Hero Tales’, it was pretty obvious that this series wasn’t going to be up to much- even the FMA mangaka couldn’t really weave a good story about a boy with a destined sword. After watching an episode to assess its parody potential, I decided that even the gods of parody couldn’t expect me to watch something so boring in aid of a few laughs, and so it was put aside.
Final words: As original as its title.

Kaiji

Series dripping with GAR MANLINESS aren’t usually my thing, but having enjoyed Akagi so much, it seemed only logical to see what Madhouse could make of one of the mangaka’s other works- ‘Gambling Apocalypse Kaiji’. Whilst Kaiji is more emotional and less cold than Akagi, the twists and turns of his story are still worthy viewing- although one cannot help feeling a little sorry for poor Kaiji as his mammoth efforts in trying to win games dreamt up by sadistic yakuza only seem to result in him getting ever more in debt. I fear that twenty-six episodes won’t be enough for this series.
Final words: This series should be shown to everyone who finds themselves in danger of incurring debt.

Minami-ke

Keen for an extra dose of Ichigo Mashimaro, I went forth into Minami-ke, a similar tale about the everyday lives of three sisters. Despite trepidation that it would turn into another Lucky Star, Minami-ke had the required wit and delivery to make it entertaining rather than dull, and already a second season (albeit a retelling rather than a sequel) is set to air this January.
Final words: Forget choco cornets, melon pan and taiyaki, this year’s in-food is cream stew.

Mokke

Ever since enjoying Shrine of the Morning Mist, I’ve been on the lookout for the next entertaining silver/bronze tier supernatural series, and Mokke seems to be it. It may not be anything special, but the episodic tales of a pair of sisters- one who can see spirits, the other who gets possessed by them- has largely proven to make for enjoyable viewing, and the addition of a cat with special powers is just the icing on the cake.
Final words: Bronze tier entertainment.

Moyashimon

As the latest series to air in the vaunted noitaminA block (I know it’s ‘Animation’ spelt backwards, but it still sounds like some kind of vitamin or mineral to me), Moyashimon had a lot to live up to, but fortunately, all it needed was its uniqueness to make it a hit. Unappealing as a series about microbes may sound, when you take into account the fact that to our lead these microbes look rather cute, the whole thing takes on a new dimension; in fact, you wouldn’t go far wrong if you were to watch the series for this novelty alone. Fortunately, the rest of the content is solid enough, even if the characters are a little wacky.
Final words: I never once thought I’d say that I wanted a plushie of Aspergillus oryzae, but I want one.

Rental Magica
Where the search for supernatural light entertainment brought some successes in 2007, it also racked up a few failures, and Rental Magica was one of them. Populated by rejects from other series, Rental Magica seemed sure to at least mildly interest with its episodic tales of a company of magic users solving problems, but apart from a master of cat shikigami, there was little to engage the viewer.
Final words: Something to go back to when you have absolutely nothing else to watch.

Shakugan no Shana II

Even though I enjoyed it at the time, in retrospect the original Shakugan no Shana had a lot wrong with it- not least of which were the pointless and uninspiring villains. Even so, a second season would surely forge ahead into interesting and unknown parts of the novel series- or maybe not. For instead, Shana II decided to diverge into an uninteresting game-based tale that seemed determined to shake off all but the most devout of fans. With last season’s confession revoked and the love polygon once again taking hold, it seemed as if this was one series worth bailing out of.
Final words: There’s completion, and then there’s masochism- watching Shana II was surely the latter.

Sketchbook ~full color’S~

Every year needs a good slice-of-life series, and whilst Sketchbook was not to be in the Aria/YKK class, it was still an enjoyable series, not least because of the high volume of cats and fat chickens contained therein. Although it times it seemed as if it was trying too hard to capture a calm atmosphere that should just come naturally, Sketchbook was still worth watching, and after initially thinking little of the shy and quiet lead, after a while I began to identify with her- all too often I end up thinking a lot more than I actually end up saying (but no more! Now I shall never shut up!).
Final words: Full of cats.

And so, 2007 has shown us both good and bad (much like every year, really) and all we can do is await 2008 and the offerings it shall bring us. See you next year!

Go Retro with Lone Wolf and Cub
If you’re feeling the ache for the old days, you’ll soon be able to satiate those urges with Media Blasters latest license- the 79 episode live action Lone Wolf and Cub TV series from 1973-6. Based on the long-running manga of the same name, the series follows the adventures of a samurai who travels Japan with his son seeking vengeance for the murder of his wife- and given the amount of times it has been referenced in other series, there can be few people who haven’t heard of it.Saber: An honourable quest indeed, and one I must study.
Rin: Are you kidding? Is there a market for 79 whole episodes of this?

Are you struggling with unwanted debts? Then Manga Thieves Inc. can help you!
People are well known for getting desperate when their debts start piling up, but one unemployed 23 year old man in Japan took a rather unique approach when he decided to raise cash by stealing manga and reselling it to used bookstores. After managing to take 50 manga volumes from a store, the suspect returned to pick up 51 more, bringing his total to 60,000 yen worth of stolen goods- but unfortunately the return trip brought him to the attention of one of the employees at the local bicycle store, and his grand plans were brought to an end.
Saber: How dishonourable- one must work for a living.
Rin: Not that I agree with theft, but couldn’t he thought of something more valuable to steal? Anyway, my local second-hand bookstore would only give credit for those books, so you wouldn’t even get cash.

L change the world- how’s that for Engrish?
The Death Note franchise continues to grind onwards with the release of a trailer for the new L spin-off movie (trailer can be found on the official site). Whilst the movie itself is set to open in Japan on February 9^th, this trailer marks the first actual footage from it to be made available to the public.
Rin: Let’s see who can get more spin-offs- Death Note or Fate/Stay Night.

FateWarriors? No, it’s Fate/Unlimited Codes!
Ever wanted unlimited cheat codes for your favourite games? Sadly, we can’t provide that, but we can point to a new arcade fighter based on Fate/Stay Night, set to debut in the New Year. Produced by Capcom and developed by 8ing (who are no stranger to creating beat-‘em-ups based on popular anime franchises), the game will hopefully let you beat up Shirou in all manner of ways, just as he has always deserved. More information can be found here.
Saber: I shall use my sword to protect Shirou from your evil plans.
Rin: The gem is mightier than the sword.

Higurashi Kai: Now you can watch your violence online
Are you sick of TV channels cancelling the broadcast of your favourite bloodbaths? In response, animate.tv has decided to stream each episode online for free, starting with episode 12 on October 24^th. Each episode can be watched free of charge for a week, although Windows, IE and a Japanese I.P. (or a way around these restrictions) are required.Shion says: Mwahaha, now everyone can watch my fun-fun torture chamber! Oh wait, that was last season.

Death Note movies hit the UK
The two Death Note live action movies will premiere in the UK on November 10^th-11^th at the Leeds Film Festival. Other films to be screened include Vexille, Tekkonkinkreet and manga adaptations Freesia and Strawberry Shortcakes (not to be confused with the children’s cartoon).
Shion says: That’s it, Light, kill them all- but don’t just use your book! Get your hands dirty, man!

Merchandising gone mad: Shin-chan cologne
If you’re looking for an alternative to the endless range of scents put out by B-list celebrities, then look no further- now you can have your own Crayon Shin-chan eau de toilette, complete with a fresh, fruity and musky scent. But don’t despair if you aren’t into Shin-chan, because you can also pick up Pokemon, Spongebob and Mickey Mouse fragrances- you’ll be the envy of all your friends.
Shion says: The smell of citrus will help to cover up the scent of decaying bodies in my dungeon.

HaruToki 3 announced
Can’t get enough of bishounen-filled reverse harem shows? Then you’ll be delighted to learn that the latest Harukanaru Toki no Naka De anime adaptation has been announced- a one hour special based on the third game. The special is set to be released in December, and will no doubt be as dull and lacking in any real plot as the other Haruka anime adaptations and their sister series Angelique and La Corda d’Oro.
Light says: These bishounen are unworthy, and shall have their names written in my Death Note.

ADV and Geneon: an alliance that lasted as long as a celebrity marriage
The ink hadn’t even been put on the paper (let alone given a chance to dry) when it was decided that the ‘strategic alliance’ between ADV and Geneon would not be going ahead after all- despite the fact that Geneon has already begun laying off a number of employees. What this means for the long-term future of Geneon is as yet unclear, and has sparked a whole new round of the “fansubs are killing the licensing industry” debate.
Light says: Alliances are for the weak. Kira alone can judge the worthy of the anime industry, and his judgement is that everyone should start buying Death Note merchandise.

Mahou Shoujotai (Tweeny Witches) licensed
Studio 4^oC’s tale of one girl’s journey to a world of magic and witches has finally been picked up for US release, courtesy of Media Blasters. Consisting of forty ten minute episodes, this unique series is certainly in need of being made accessible to a larger fanbase, although no details regarding release dates and number of volumes seem to be available as yet.
Light says: Only the weak rely on magic; the strong depend on their own power, and that of special notebooks that enable them to kill.

At last: Kanon license confirmed
Well, it seemed pretty obvious for a while, but nonetheless ADV has finally confirmed that they have indeed licensed KyoAni’s Kanon TV series, which will act as a nice counterpart for the recently released Air. As you should already know, I personally didn’t like Kanon (die, Yuuichi!), but its general popularity pretty much assured it a license, so this comes as no surprise.
Light says: I shall write Yuuichi’s name down in my Death Note.

“What a pleasant sailing vessel!”
When a murder incident in Japan caused the final (and thus presumably bloody) episode of School Days to be cancelled and replaced with a scenery show, it also gave birth to a new internet meme- “nice boat”. The alleged axe murder of a policeman by his sixteen-year-old daughter has also caused an indefinite delay for Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai, which was replaced by an inoffensive cooking show this week.
Light says: I shall punish this girl with the aid of my Death Note.

Queen’s Blade manga
The Queen’s Blade franchise is set to extend into the realm of manga, with two separate series announced for serialisation in different magazines. Starting next month, Minasaki Iku will be drawing a story that focuses on the character of Elina (as designed by Mai-HiME/Otome character designer Hisayuki), whilst “Astroguy II” starts a little earlier with a collection of side stories beginning this week.
Light says: Why do these women have to fight for the throne? Surely they could approach it far more elegantly?

Viz acquires Death Note live-action
Death Note fans, you devoured the manga and lapped up the anime, but now Viz will also be bringing you the two Death Note live action movies. Whilst I’ve been mildly interested in these movies, I’ve yet to be motivated to actually watch them, however, and so the chances of my getting these movies are slim to none.
Light says: Now this is more like it- although my live action counterpart is not really as good looking as myself.

Date set for Aquarion OVA episode 2
Some old news to finish off, but the second and final episode of the Aquarion OVA is set for release on November 22^nd. Taking place in an alternate universe, the OVA retells the story of the TV series.
Light says: If the OVA does not end well, I shall personally write down the names of the producers in my Death Note.

HITS

Akagi
I always seem to be singing Akagi’s praises, but this underrated series truly deserves it. It may be MANLY and not particularly aesthetically pleasing (although the animation is at least technically clean, and mah-jongg tiles are the best use of CG I’ve seen so far), but Akagi is oddly addictive, drawing you into its world and making you hold your breath as you wait for the flip of a tile.

Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad
From the inconsistency of Nodame Cantabile to the disappointing dullness of Corda d’Oro, no music-based series has yet to match Beck for its sheer quality of entertainment. Gone is the instant and magical (sometimes literally) success of other series- in Beck, the protagonists face a much more realistic struggle as they try to make their mark on the music world. And yet, for all the difficulties they go through, they remain a likeable group that you cannot help but support every step of the way.

Boogiepop Phantom
Picking up after the events of the first Boogiepop novel, Boogiepop Phantom is one of the best supernatural series out there, expertly weaving different timelines as it tells the tale of people with emerging special abilities. Not every episode is on the mark (the one about Panuru seems particularly poor), but nonetheless overall the series is unique, memorable and packed with enough content to ensure that you have to watch it several times to get the most out of it.

Dennou Coil

Make no mistake about it, I love Dennou Coil; in fact, if it were a religion, I would convert immediately. This is the series .hack could have been if it had pulled its finger out, the series I always wanted but never knew where to find. Set in a world where special glasses let you interact with a virtual overlay of the real world, Dennou Coil not only features likeable characters and imaginative adventures, but it also raises deeper questions, as to just how real ‘reality’ even is.

Gungrave
Although it loses something towards the end when it becomes a zombie bash-fest based on the first game, the first four volumes or so of Gungrave are very good, detailing as they do the early days of Brandon ‘Beyond the Grave’ Heat and Harry McDowell. Knowing as we do from the first episode that these close friends will one day end up on opposite sides lends a sense of foreboding to events, but where Gungrave really shines is in how well it conveys the emotions of its characters, investing even the simplest of lines with multiple layers of meaning.

Gunslinger Girl

A series that I usually name whenever top tens are required, Gunslinger Girl is lamentably short, but over the course of its thirteen episodes it does an excellent job of adapting the first two manga volumes. The crisp, clean animation and piano-driven soundtrack only serve to enhance a story that was already highly worthy in the first place, making for a girls with guns series that should be a must-see for anyone.

Millennium Actress, Perfect Blue, Tokyo Godfathers
I’ve decided to include these three Satoshi Kon movies together because not only are they all very good, but to write about them separately would result in my repeating myself. Although the three movies are rather different in tone and content, they are all highly enjoyable and memorable- even if you don’t usually care for anime movies, make time for these three.

Monster
Revered by all who have seen it, Monster may not be one of my absolute favourites, but I do concur that it is a very good series, and one of only two where 74 episodes didn’t feel like enough (the other being Hikaru no Go). A suspenseful tale of one man’s efforts to track down an unusual but nonetheless deadly killer, Monster weaves together the various threads of its main characters, never once dropping the ball.

Paranoia Agent
Satoshi Kon’s first (and thus far only) attempt at a TV series, Paranoia Agent offers a unique method of storytelling in which the ‘baton’ of main character passes from one person to another through the course of the series. Not only does this let the series explore a range of unique and quirky characters, but it also allows the mystery of “Shounen Bat” to slowly unfold, until everything comes full circle and the answers are revealed.

Saiunkoku Monogatari

Another entry on the hallowed top ten list, Saiunkoku Monogatari may owe its basic content to the original novels, but the animated version helped bring the story to a wider audience (myself included). Although the quality of the animation is not always up to scratch here, the series is nonetheless a strong one, bringing to life the complex and many-layered world of Saiunkoku, as well as the characters that inhabit it.

Texhnolyze
With its unique ambience and art style, Texhnolyze makes its mark right from the start, and whilst it isn’t the easiest or most coherent series to get into, give it some time and effort, and an absorbing series is revealed. Whether you want to bask in the atmosphere or delve deeper into the content, Texhnolyze’s futuristic world is one truly worth exploring.

X
Okay, so the movie wasn’t so great (and I make no effort to defend it), but even if it did have to work with an unfinished story and a limited episode count, X TV did a pretty decent job of bringing CLAMP’s end of the world epic to life. Although the beautiful animation and memorable soundtrack are truly worthy of note, X TV’s true success is in using a mere twenty-four episodes to introduce and develop both a coherent plot and over seventeen named characters.

NEUTRAL

Aquarian Age: Sign for Evolution
Although it’s hard for those of us in the West to comment on the bits and pieces of the franchise that have bled through from Japan, if we just consider this series as a self-contained unit, it comes up as somewhat lacking. The potential for both story arcs about the lead’s band and about the magical battles that take place behind the scenes simply cannot be developed properly in a mere thirteen episodes, and so the whole thing ends up merely showing flashes of interesting material in a sea of mediocrity. The movie is even worse; it may have some nice character designs, but its fifty-five minute length ensures it is nothing more than a hurried introduction of some new characters before they go into battle against a final boss.

Chobits
CLAMP’s ecchi semi-harem series was never the strongest of material to work from, but the anime somehow made it worse, compressing the good parts of the original so that it could fit in pointless diversions like an entire episode devoted to buying panties. Once again, the character designs are very good, but this is more for CLAMP completists than the casual viewer.

Cyber City Oedo 808
Ultimately, Cyber City is like any other sci-fi OVA from the early 90s- it features MANLY men beating up evil robots whilst the women in their lives either betray them or scream for help. If you feel an odd craving for cyberpunk, then this isn’t a bad way to assuage the need, but it isn’t something I can recommend to everyone- I’m not even sure I can explain why I still have it on DVD.

Paradise Kiss
It’s stylish and fashionable, but ultimately Paradise Kiss is simply too shallow to make it into the hits, especially as the anime cuts out much of the fifth volume, shortening the conclusion and thus failing to properly show where all the characters ended up. Like the other neutrals, it isn’t particularly bad, but nor is there much reason to call it good.

MISSES

Beyblade
Well, to be fair, Beyblade is just a kids’ show designed to sell toys, so it was never meant to be good, but 153 episodes was just a tiny bit too much- it was mindless fun at first, but when the finale saw Beyblades opening the way to a parallel dimension that could engulf the world, I had to question just what I had spent my time watching.

Claymore
I know this will provoke a lot of flames, but Claymore and I never did get on in either anime or manga form- the anime especially just left me with a grey, brown and washed out feeling, with its repetitive and simplistic action scenes and uninspiring characters. Although I may be the only person in the universe to think so, I just cannot see the brilliance that others says it has.

Death Note

In manga form, Death Note is very good, but for me, the anime just didn’t work. Perhaps it was just because the anime followed the manga so closely; as far as content went, I’d experienced it all before, and at my own pace instead of the one that the director chose. Worse yet, Light seemed to become much more theatrical in the anime, often going into red tinted mode as he laughed evilly and went off on another internal monologue of gloating.

Kemonozume
Maybe this series improved later on, but I found myself simply unable to watch past about five minutes into the second episode- seeing the lead character soil himself on screen just wasn’t my idea of entertainment. The only memorably worthy aspect was the detail in the animation, such as the monkey removing screws from a katana (or did I imagine that?).

Kiba
Another series that could have improved in later episodes, Kiba got off to a poor start that ensured I never really wanted to continue with it. Between emo Noa and his post-industrial grime and Zed’s generic shounen “rip off sixteen other series” adventures, Kiba just didn’t seem to have much in the way of originality to offer, and so it soon dropped off the watch list.

Lament of the Lamb
I love the original manga, but this OVA just didn’t do it justice- it was short, washed out in colouration, and generally didn’t offer anything to the franchise that couldn’t be gained from just ignoring it and reading the original.

Nana
Another series that many loved but I didn’t get on with, Nana simply proved to be rather dull in nature, with too time spent on Hachi to the detriment of the more interesting Nana. When thirteen episodes proved to be a struggle, I knew fifty would just be too much.

Otogi-jushi Akazukin
In the old days, Akazukin seemed like a fun children’s series, but as the episode count increased, the repetitiveness of it all began to become grating. With each episode featuring yet another monster of the week to be defeated by our heroines’ signature attacks, it became clear that the patience that saw me all the way through Tokyo Mew Mew was simply not ready for yet another brightly coloured but ultimately childish magical girl series.

Trigun
Trigun may be considered a classic in some circles, but I’m not sure why. Although there were moments when Vash approached my ideal of a character who hides their skill behind a laid back exterior, ultimately he was just too annoying to really get on with, whilst the over the top craziness that permeated the series just wasn’t to my tastes. I watched it once, but I don’t anticipate ever wanting to sit through it again.

Tenjho Tenge
There was a time when I liked Tenjho Tenge, but now I’m not entirely sure why- the girls may be nice to look at, but other than that, it doesn’t have a great deal to offer. Based around a rather bizarre high school where fighting is a part of the curriculum, Tenjho Tenge features a cast that encompasses everything from the downright dislikeable to the completely ugly and psychotic. Recommended for “blood and breasts” fans only.

Yume Tsukai
I went into this series thinking it would be something along the lines of Kokoro Library or Shrine of the Morning Mist, but sadly, it was just a boring knock-off that Madhouse cared so little about that they let the janitors handle the animation. With the original manga apparently focusing more on the lolicon aspects than the actual story, perhaps there just wasn’t much to work with.

Final Thoughts
It cannot be denied that Madhouse have certainly proven themselves capable of producing excellent series in a variety of different styles and genres, but ultimately, even they are only human, and so it is that not all their output can reach the same standard. With such a prolific output, it is no wonder they are good at what they do, but even so, no one can hit the jackpot all of the time.

Spoiler Alert: Death Note’s biggest twists shall be revealed.

It’s often said that cats and laptops don’t mix*, and here’s the reason why. Last year, my cat managed to get on top of the bookshelf and knock a heavy bronze bookend down onto my laptop, scratching the screen and denting the keyboard, whilst a few weeks ago, my aunt’s cat walked across the keyboard and managed to rip off three keys. Luckily the long-term damage from these incidents is less than you might think, but my poor J key may never be the same again- not a good key to act up when it’s also your first initial.

*may not actually be said often, or indeed at all.

A HARD GAY guide to Koutetsu Sangokushi

Need to know who’s who (and more importantly, who’s sleeping with who) in Koutetsu Sangokushi? Luckily for you, I have ‘translated’ the character guide on the Japanese site to provide you with all the juiciest gossip from the series- and if you find the embedded image too small to read, just click on it for a full size version.

Extracts from the BOOK of HARD GAY: Who to sleep with in Chevalier World

• D’Eon: A solid HARD GAY experience, but whilst his BI tendencies will excite the progressive factions, those who crave traditional HARD GAY may not be so pleased. Favours Sword.
• Robin: A Pistol user, somewhat inexperienced and confused about his sexuality. He can be powerful in the bedroom on occasion, but often lacks control and finesse. He works better as a backup in a group session than in a one-on-one situation, although he has recently been working on his Dagger.
• Durand: An accomplished lover who favours Sword in both HARD GAY and BI, Durand knows a variety of techniques and will even administer S&M if desired. Refuses to play the submissive role.
• Teillagory: His Sword may be a bit of an old antique these days, but what he lacks in stamina, Teillagory more than makes up for in experience and refined technique. Still able to handle many lovers even at his age (sometimes even whilst wearing a blindfold), Teillagory is a dependable choice for the learner.
• Robespierre: The undisputed master of both BI and HARD GAY, Robespierre has evolved to the point where he doesn’t even need the Sword in order to generate Pleasure. Lesser lovers run the risk of dying from his intense HARD GAY, but for those who can withstand it, he is the ultimate experience.
• Louis XV: Since he is getting on in years, Louis’ HARD GAY is not what it used to be, but when the King orders you into his bedroom, you can hardly refuse. Not a bad experience, just not an overwhelmingly good one either.
• The Dauphin: Although rather young and inexperienced to pique the interests of most, Auguste is a paid up member of the H.O.M.O. club. If you fancy teaching him the ins and outs of HARD GAY, or just want a submissive lover, he’s available for your pleasure.
• Broglie: Although he will readily offer Cane to anyone who asks, Broglie is to be avoided, even by the most desperate of men. Rumoured to suffer from several nasty STDs, a night with Broglie could cost you your health- or even your life.
• Giuseppe: He doesn’t really favour any give sort of HARD GAY, and is certainly nothing special on his own, but if you want a group session, he’ll make for a solid backup. Sleeping with him may also help you get closer to Robespierre.
• Voronzoff: Adept with a Sword and far more durable than you might expect, Voronzoff will take any amount of punishment in the bedroom with little complaint, but may well run away afterwards and prove hard to locate. Some say he still harbours dreams of STRAIGHT, but don’t bring that up if you wish to engage his services.
• George III: As King of England, his HARD GAY technique is polished and without fault. As with Louis, if he asks you to the bedroom, you’d better not refuse.
• Dashwood: Thanks to his age, he is an experienced master of intense Cane, and he can even offer a group session together with his underlings. Unfortunately, he puts so much energy into it that you may find he has physically aged after the session.
• Wood: Rather excitable in the bedroom, but otherwise pedestrian. He seems to prefer watching HARD GAY as opposed to actually taking part in it, but if you get a thrill out of that sort of thing, invite him along.
• Whitehead: Although he usually refuses to service anyone other than Dashwood, he can be persuaded to sample other lovers from time to time. He is silently efficient in bed, performing his duties without ever uttering a word.
• Sandwich: A Sword user who usually likes to bring generics along for a group session, Sandwich thinks a lot of his skills, but you may well find that he isn’t all he is cracked up to be. Nonetheless, he is able to take a lot of punishment without suffering any long-term ill effects.
• Orleans: A Cane user who also likes being given Sword, Orleans is a supporter of traditional HARD GAY, and will inflict S&M on anyone who professes to prefer BI. When he is dominant, he will not hesitate to be rough, but he will whimper and beg for mercy when playing the submissive.
• Peter: A bully, Peter is brutal towards anyone with a Liang smaller than his, but can easily be beaten into submission by a firm lover. He has a mortal fear of bondage games, and will do anything to avoid them.
• Bestuzhev: A middle-aged lover of dubious skill, he is extremely misogynistic and xenophobic, and so will only climb into bed with sturdy Russian men.

La Corda d’Oro 10

Tsuchiura reveals his secret BI inclinations.

“If he does, I must pursue HARD GAY with him.”

“His mother is the one who turns me on!”

“You said we would have HARD GAY!”

“Okay, okay…maybe later.”

“What’s HARD GAY?”

“I’ll tell you another time.”

“He’s messing up my HARD GAY schedule!”

“His Liang is so Zhuge that he never misses an opportunity to show it off.”

“Were you having HARD GAY with someone else?”

Short parody: This Ugly Yet Beautiful World part I

Takeru finds a girl-Hikari- in the forest.

Takeru: Wow, this is my ideal girl- and she’s naked and waiting for me! It’s like I’m the main character of an anime or something.

Monsters start randomly attacking.

(Monster: Gwakaka, I am an unused design from Eva! Fear my pointlessness!)

Takeru: Wow, I can suddenly turn into a monster for no reason! Go, Destined Powers!

Takeru defeats the monster and takes Hikari home. He tells his friends all about what happened.

Takeru: So anyway, I found this girl lying naked in the forest, but then a monster randomly attacked and I transformed and fought it.

Friend 1: Sounds plausible to me.

Friend 2: Yep, nothing outlandish there.

To be continued…or not, depending on my level of inspiration after watching episodes 6-12.

This Week in Anime

Apples are spotted in Fafner.

One unlucky candidate gets peeled.

I’m not sure what these are meant to be.

Peaches repel evil, in case you didn’t know.

Soutetsu is confident that he need not fear satsumas, although full oranges are another matter.

HARD GAY corner: Death Note
Due to his lack of HARD GAY partner, Light Yagami always felt bored at school, so much so that he occupied himself by killing off STRAIGHT people with his Death Note. In time, however, Light drew the attention of the great detective L, and the pair began a HARD GAY relationship after L spent time stalking Light and watching him on camera. Nonetheless, the good times couldn’t last, and even as Light was persuaded to try BI by the persistent Misa, L clung stubbornly to the old ways of HARD GAY, even trying to tempt both Light and Misa to his side with a confinement bondage session. Unfortunately, even when Light seemed to finally have come around to preferring L’s techniques, he reverted to BI in the middle of a session, killing an unprepared L with the intensity of his new passion.

Years later, and the arrogant Light now believes that Hyper Self Pleasure is superior to anything a mere partner could offer him. HARD GAY supporter Near attempts to persuade him otherwise, but his efforts seem fruitless- until he manages an explosive burst of HARD GAY with partner Mello that surpasses any Pleasure Light has ever experienced. Although Mello dies in the process, Light becomes so obsessed with topping that Pleasure experience that he even asks shinigami Ryuk for HARD GAY, only to die when he cannot take the pace.

OST Spotlight: Xenogears
Yasunori Mitsuda lends his not-inconsiderable skills to another worthy soundtrack, and whilst this one may not have the impact of Chrono Cross and Xenosaga, it somehow encapsulates everything you want and expect from an RPG soundtrack. There are energetic battle tracks, gentle village themes, and hints of the best styles used in other games- all together, an interesting package for game music and Mitsuda fans.

Notable tracks: Bonds of Sea and Fire, Emotions, Forest of the Black Moon, Fuse+, Leftovers of the Dreams of the Stars, Invasion, The Blue Traveller, Omen, Awakening.

Licensing Reactions

• Jigoku Shoujo (Funimation): Ah yes, Jigoku Shoujo, the series about many complex issues such as revenge, revenge…and even a spot of revenge. Whilst the original concept seemed promise, Jigoku lost everything in the execution and became a boring rehash of the same thing week after week. I wouldn’t even watch it all for free, so there’s no chance of my buying it on DVD.
• Zegapain (Bandai): There is a very good reason why ‘pain’ is in the title of this anime, and that is because it is a painful mecha series that adds nothing to the genre. Not something I intend to ever approach again.

I decided this week’s mini-editorial needed its own post, so the feature will return next week.

Harem of the Week: Tenchi Masaki- Tenchi Muyo!
One of the original kings of harem, Tenchi was a seemingly unremarkable high school student, but nonetheless beautiful alien women were the order of the day at his house.

Harem

Ryoko: The seductive, rowdy and forward space pirate who wants Tenchi for her own. A prime contender for his love in every series.

Ayeka: The high class alien princess who hides her aggressive and single-minded attitude behind a façade of sweet innocence. The second chief rival for Tenchi’s love.

Washu: The eccentric yet undoubtedly brilliant scientist who lives in a lab in the broom cupboard. In the OVA she asks Tenchi to father her children and even collects sperm samples.

Sasami: The young looking (if not chronologically) princess and loli of the group. As well as being the sweet, responsible and considerate one, she is good at cooking and general housework, and shares a quiet relationship with Tenchi.

Mihoshi: The ditzy galaxy police officer, she always seems to end up in Tenchi’s arms in the OVA, even though she seems more devoted to Kiyone in the TV series.

Kiyone: Mihoshi’s long-suffering partner, the sensible one who seems to have quiet feelings for Tenchi.

Noike: Former galaxy police officer and adopted daughter of Lady Seto, pretends to be Tenchi’s fiancée for plot reasons but later seems to develop actual feelings for him. Surprisingly efficient and good around the house.

Mayuka: Tenchi’s ‘daughter’, artificially created from the DNA of Tenchi and the demon Yuzuha in the second movie. Programmed to have unnaturally strong feelings for Tenchi.

Haruna: A former lover of Yosho’s in the third movie, ensnares Tenchi in a virtual world where she is his lover.

Rivals

Hotsuma: Briefly becomes Ryoko’s lover in the second TV series.

Seiryo Tennan: Ayeka’s betrothed in the OVA, loses face after being defeated by Tenchi in a duel.

Misao: Mihoshi’s brother- tries to rescue his sister from Tenchi’s clutches after mistakenly believing she is being held hostage in his harem.

Fashion police: Tsume

Even if we ignore the odd body proportions in this production art, Tsume still has some issues to answer for in the fashion department. In his attempt to be the ‘Hard Man’ of the series, he seems to have misplaced some fabric, lead to unsightly exposire of waist, shoulders and chest. His only redeeming quality is that this is not his true appearance.

Fashion sense: C+

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: bouncing breasts, PORN TOUBE, you toube, hack audition

Mai Hime Thong: Get your Mai-HiME themed thongs here! Shizuru and Natsuki versions available!

gay dragonball z: Soon to become an old favourite.

nimya meaning name: it does?

hair dye anime episode: Was that the one that aired after the Summer Days episode?

. hack haseo loves: His grunty.

“tsubasa chronicle episode 53″: It doesn’t exist, thank god.

Breeding busou renkin doujinshi: This scares me- breeding what?

the first time humans went on the moon w: Join me soon for my new history of space exploration features.

yuri bondage: Hitohira could be heading that way.

anime flame archaeologist: There’s a Flame Alchemist.

delivering eggs in harvest moon: Pick them up, and give them to people.

Le Chevalier D’Eon bi: I can see you have learned the ways of Chevalier.

This week I have some advice that will probably be of no use whatsoever to most of the people who read this- never let yourself get into a situation where you have to dance with a fat old lady who completely lacks any sense of rhythm. Also, should you happen to be the child of such an old lady and come to think it would be nice to take her dancing with you and your partner- don’t do it. Remember, some poor sap will have to dance with her.

The anime guide to wooing your beloved
Last week, I completely forgot about Valentine’s Day until after Tuesday Rumble had been written, so unfortunately, I was unable to include anything relevant. Never one to pass up an opportunity, however, I went to the effort of contacting a select group of anime and game characters so that they could give essential advice to those wishing to impress the object of their affections.

Anton (Harvest Moon): I’ve never had any difficulties with love, so I don’t really get what all the fuss is about. Every day I just pick some random flowers that are growing in the local area and present them to Popuri- it took a mere two seasons of this to increase her affections for me to their maximum level. We have never even been on a date or talked about anything other than the most superficial of topics, but even so, she has agreed to marry me.

Harima Kenji (School Rumble): I have to admit that I’m still having trouble winning Tenma-chan’s heart, but the method I recommend is to draw a manga of the prospective relationship between you and your beloved. Once she reads it, love will surely follow.

Tenchi Masaki (Tenchi Muyo!): I have to admit I’ve never really had to do anything to attract the girls; if anything, I need methods to keep them away! My advice is just be yourself, and the more average you are, the more likely it is that the girls will like you.

Hakuoro (Utawarerumono): The key to love is to be ambitious- never think that you have enough women until you have slept with every member of the opposite sex around. Jealousy is always a problem, but by keeping them in separate wings of your well-appointed castle, this can be minimised. If you need male assistants to take care of trivialities such as running an empire, make sure they are all HARD GAY men who will be uninterested in stealing your women away.

Yuuichi Aizawa (Kanon): Some men prefer to have multiple women at the same time, but I have discovered that the optimum method is to have an arc with each of them in turn- once you have got all the use you can out of the girl, she can be discarded as you move on to the next one. If you are especially, she will die or otherwise leave the story and you won’t have to worry about her sabotaging your chances with the next girl. Remember, there’s no need to worry about treating her well; just make her feel like an inferior being who should consider herself privileged to be able to spend precious time with you.

Emiya Shirou (Fate/Stay Night): Despite what others say, I have found the most important thing is to maintain a high level of cohesion between your various harem members. Invite each girl to live with you as soon as you can- only in such intimate circumstances can your relationship be tested to the limit (not to mention the opportunities it provides for sneaking into their bedrooms at night).

Introducing…Eva Burger
We’ve just seen the launch of special Eva-themed drinks, but where can the franchise go from here in its attempts to prise money from our wallets? The answer, of course, is to launch a new chain of fast food restaurants- Eva Burger. With eighteen branches, each named and themed after a different Angel, Eva Burger offers an utterly new fast food experience (or at least a conventional fast food experience cunningly disguised with papier maché and costumes). Staff are required to wear plugsuits or NERV uniforms, whilst ketchup and straws are dispensed from a large Unit 1, and trash cans are shaped like Unit 0. Meals include the following-

• The Gendo Burger: a mysterious burger with a special secret sauce recipe that no one can quite figure out.
• The Rei Meal: as tasteless as the cardboard and Styrofoam it is made out of.
• The Asuka Meal: uncomfortably hot and spicy.
• The Shinji Meal: the standard meal set, each has a different defect- from misshapen burgers to missing fries.
• Misato Nuggets: they look normal, but every so often you get one with a strange taste.

More options will become available as the popularity of Eva Burger increases. Future menu choices include the Ritsuko Shake, the Kaji Breakfast and Toji Ice Cream.

Death Note 17

Soichiro chooses a secluded place in which to seduce his lovers.

L reveals his new Bondage Special to Light.

“I didn’t realise you were HARD GAY.”

L explains that he is not willing to let Misa have Light to herself.

“I already told you I had another lover.”

Mogi reacts badly after reading the latest parodies on Azure Flame.

Light explains that there certain acts he considers too obscene to carry out.

L is understandably disappointed at being denied the opportunity to try those techniques.

“Short Parody: Deltora Quest” has been cancelled after I randomly decided to give it a full parody.

The history of fat cats in anime
Weekly Awards have now been changed to Monthly Awards. For now, the interim weeks will contain this “History of…in anime” feature.

Although the obese feline was often a background staple in anime series, it was only with the rise of Stratos 4 that they truly gained prominence as a huggable character type. The pioneer in this field was The Admiral, a lazy grey and white cat who gained weight through years of eating leftovers from the Chinese restaurant that serves as her home. Although The Admiral did not, as was initially hoped, prove to be a real admiral trapped in cat form who saved the day at the end of the series, she proved to be an ambassador for fat cats, raising their profile everywhere. She even adopted an apprentice, The General (aka Shogun), a small white kitten who she hopes to fatten up and raise as her successor.

After this strong start, 2005 proved to be a watershed year for fat cats in anime, bringing us not only Mikoto of Mai-Otome, but also President Aria. With a new and huggable shape that defied the laws of biology, Mikoto was truly the highlight of Mai-Otome, even proving to be just one member of a whole species of this new type of chubby grey feline. As if she wasn’t huggable enough, the bizarre form of Martian cat President Aria brought still more converts to the side of fat cats, with his distinctive ‘punyu’ winning over the hearts of many.

Despite the subsequent lack of any really high profile kitties to add to the roster, fat cats continue to make their influence felt throughout anime with cameo appearances such as that of ‘Big Boss’ in D.Gray-man. Even when their furry bulk is not filling our screens, images and plushies ensure that they will never be forgotten.

HARD YURI corner: Noir
With HARD YURI skills so intense that they usually ended up killing their lovers, Kirika Yuumura and Mireille Bouquet were forced to live alone, at least until they met each other. Despite Mireille’s jealousy over Kirika’s superior HARD YURI skills and her subsequent need to continually put her new lover in her place, the couple commenced a life of HARD YURI under the code name Noir, sleeping together at night and killing men (a threat to HARD YURI) by day.

What they did not realise, however, was that their actions were all part of a plan set in motion by Altena, a woman who defied the generic males of her organisation in her efforts to bring HARD YURI back to prominence. In order to spice things up, Altena decided to encourage a threesome by sending HARD YURI devotee Chloe to Kirika and Mireille. Eager to see how their relationship dynamics would evolve, Altena manipulated the lives of these three women, eager to see whether Kirika would end up with Mireille or Chloe.

In the end, however, despite Chloe’s unique HARD YURI skills, Kirika chose to be with Mireille, and the pair even killed Altena lest she force them to become her sex slaves. Now the official queens of HARD YURI, Kirika and Mireille stepped out in a new world- but will the men of this world accept their love, or will they try to infect it with STRAIGHT and BI?

Licensing Reactions

• Karin (Geneon): Given that Tokyopop had already picked up the manga, this license wasn’t a big surprise, but this mediocre mix of comedy, romance and spurting blood isn’t something I plan to pick up on DVD. As I said in my annual round up, Karin was one of those series that seemed like it could have been good if it was just a little different, but it was hard to pinpoint what exactly needed to be changed.

Mini-rant: What Golden Age?
Following on the heels of last week’s rant, this week examines the claim that anime has only got worse in recent years. According to the proponents of this theory, once anime was in a Golden Age where classics such as Eva and Akira littered the floor, whereas these days it’s all about fanservice and lolis.

Now, whilst 2007 may not be the best year to argue this point, given the lack of anything truly outstanding thus far, still I feel the time has come to argue against this so-called Golden Age. Putting aside my personal feelings that Eva and Akira aren’t really all they’re cracked up to be (such things can be covered in a future piece), let’s not forget that those years saw their fair share of forgettable series, most of which have happily fallen under the radars of most. From the laughable cheese of ROTK to the gratuitous sex and violence of sci-fi OVAs such as A.D. Police, the past year had plenty of series that deserve burning on a pyre far more than burning to disc.

Now, let’s take a look at 2005-6; once again, there was a lot of crap, but even so, these were not years totally devoid of hope- after all, these were the years that brought us the likes of Aria, Mushishi, Saiunkoku Monogatari and Le Chevalier d’Eon, to name but a few. There may be more anime around now, and certainly more that is readily available to international viewers via DVDs and ‘acquisition’, but as I mentioned last week, there is still a select proportion that is good, and a lot that is average, mediocre or downright awful (who wants to be the first commenter to mention Sturgeon’s Law). In the end, this is true of both the past and the present; the past may seem better due to the fuzziness of memory or the less stringent tastes you may have held then, but there really were no ‘good old days’. Try focusing on the worth to be found from more recent offerings as well.

OST Spotlight: Last Exile OST 1
Dolce Triade and Hitomi Kuroishi come together to create this strong orchestral soundtrack, which has its flaws, but still contains enough strengths to merit investigation. Whilst it falls down on its brass led military themes and slow vocal numbers, this OST also includes some well composed pieces that perfectly capture the sensation of both making a living on the surface and flying against the wind in a tiny vanship.

Notable tracks: Cloud Age Symphony, Flyin’ to Fly, Over the Sky

In Your Reflection

This week’s head to head is a battle of butlers between Keroro Gunso’s Paul and School Rumble’s Nakamura. Both now serve as butlers to the household of the series’ respective rich girls, but each has a military background and still takes enjoyment in combat situations.

Fashion police: Tidus

Whilst he does have to be given some credit for the complexity of his uniform, unfortunately, when it comes to the actual content, Tidus cannot deliver. As if the bare chest wasn’t bad enough, the sides of his jacket are also cut too short, and when combined with his cut-offs, it leaves altogether too much flesh showing. Even with the black base, mixing together three bright primary colours is also too much for the eyes, especially in his CG form, where the yellow is even more prominent. Looking even more closely, we must question the design of his arm guard, not to mention the way his trousers seem to unzip in segments. All in all, a sports uniform turned into something quite bizarrely hideous.

Fashion sense: D-

Amusing Search Terms

Lolicon: you just clicked looking for lolicon, didn’t you? There isn’t any on this blog, so try again.

audition+hacker, audition perfect hack, download free hack perfect auditionsea, getting hack audition: the mystery persists.

hack of harvest moon back to nature: In the hacked version, Anton is invincible.

fate stay nigth season 2 review: There’s a second season?

torture: watching a 26 episode marathon of .hack//Roots should fit the bill.

large boobs: try drinking some milk.

you toube: If you Google this, you will now find Azure Flame in third and fourth position. Now if only I could be that highly ranked for things I actually do write about.

Saiunkoku Monogatari fanfiction: ‘Seiran gazed into the liquid brown eyes of his lover… “What are you doing with that horse?” asked Ensei.’

A romance of three Kingdoms CCTV

top love hina: Top of what?

acid trip: Cat Soup.

miguel ayman: At long last, Miguel is gaining the recognition he deserves

Wireless internet certainly sounds useful, but when it comes down to taking advantage of it, certain difficulties arise. Even if, unlike me, you have a laptop with batteries that actually the work, there’s the matter of all those plugged in peripherals you’ve come to rely on. Take your laptop to another room, and suddenly you’re bereft of printer, scanner, external hard drive and a miscellaneous ‘more’- unless of course you wheel the whole setup around on some kind of trolley. Maybe I’ll just stay at my familiar computer desk for now.

Reviewed this week: Iroha 12, Busou Renkin 19, Chevalier 14, Death Note 17, Deltora Quest 2, Kanon 19, MariMite OVA 2, Red Garden 16, ROTK 41, Shounen Onmyouji 12

…and in manga: Higurashi Onikakushi 4, Shana 8, Spiral 25-6, xxxHOLiC 10.1

ANIME

Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto 12: Whilst Akidzuki falls into flashback and despair over the loss of Ryouma, the troupe opens their new play in which everyone has the challenging role of playing themselves. Despite the ease with which the Lord’s Head and its effects can now be defeated, this is another solid episode which leaves me with a need for more (even if the series does change direction in its second half).

Busou Renkin 19: Why is it that every episode of Busou Renkin must attempt to top the last in terms of crudeness? After traumatising us with the continuing battle between naked Ikusabe and body-suited Papillon, the series jumps to an assault on Victor and a battle between Gouta and Negoro in which Tokiko stands around like the useless cheerleader she has become. The introduction of new characters on both sides has also led to irritating plot holes with regards to their tactics and abilities, one of which will be ranted about in the extra section below.
Extra: Negoro’s ‘byway’ only accepts his DNA to prevent foreign objects from entering, but a muffler with his hair sewn in and Gouta’s chakra (covered in Negoro’s blood) are both able to enter by virtue of being in contact with his DNA. If that is the case, why wouldn’t anything that was in contact with his DNA (the surrounding DNA, Gouta when he was holding onto Negoro) also be accepted? After all, if only the DNA itself was accepted, only the hair in the muffler or the blood coating of the chakra should have been accepted, whilst the non-Negoro parts would be rejected from the byway. Yes, I know it’s dangerous to analyse SJ too closely, but this deserved a mention.

Le Chevalier d’Eon 14: The England arc continues in this episode, which sees Guercy and the Musketeers enact a plan to look at the contents of Robert Wood’s trousers briefcase by inviting him to a dinner party. With that one objective being the prime focus of the episode, this isn’t really Chevalier’s finest hour, but it is still a solid instalment that sets the stage for the more exciting events to follow.

Death Note 17: I’ve finally put Death Note on red, simply because I can’t keep fooling myself each week that whilst I didn’t enjoy the current part of the story in anime form, the next one will be worth the wait. So far, I can’t bring myself to drop the series when I want to see Near animated, but I’m finding it more of a struggle to drag myself through each episode when the anime isn’t bringing anything new to my experience of the franchise.

Deltora Quest 2: As Deltora Quest forges ahead into its second episode, the only real question to be asked it whether the series more closely resembles a classical RPG or an S-RPG. This episode sees obligatory female Jasmine and her pet mascots join the party so that our bold heroes can beat the first dungeon in spite of their lack of EXP; as with the first instalment, its strength is in its utter predictability and unintentional hilarity.

What spelling and grammar?

Kanon 19: With all the lesser girls out of the way, the time has come for Yuuichi to turn his attention to Ayu (and to a lesser extent Nayuki) in what must be the final arc of the series. Despite my interest in seeing more of Nayuki, such a fleeting desire cannot save the series for me now, and so the setup for Ayu’s ‘big reveal’ is just as dull as pretty much everything that has preceded it. You may even wonder why I continue to watch the series, but in essence it is only a combination of a desire for completion and a need to write the Harem Diaries.

Maria-sama ga Miteru OVA 2: Why must this OVA insist on making fifty minute episodes when thirty minute ones could tell the same story without sending me to sleep? This instalment sees Yumi and the others resolve to help Sachiko overcome her hatred of men by having a ‘meet and greet’ with the student council of the Hanadera boys’ school; unfortunately, not only does it take an incredibly long time in getting there, but the boys are all shallow personalities- even gender-confused Alice is rather arbitrarily introduced for a character with lifelong issues over his sexuality.

Red Garden 16: Just for a change, this week sees everyone angsting over their nearest and dearest- Claire has an argument with her father after her brother is hit by a car, Rachel breaks up with Luke, Rose visits her father to update him on the family situation and Kate finally discovers that Hervé is evil. In between the melancholy and laughably over the top crying and shouting, we finally learn a bit more about what’s going on- in an ROD/Madlax-esque turn of events, both sides are apparently fighting in order to gain control over two Cursed Tomes. Coupled with this rather disappointing revelation is a fight scene between supporting characters (even the school’s headmistress gets in on the act) which raises yet more questions as to why everyone in this series seems to have special X/Matrix powers, and whether anyone ever cared about the now deceased JC (I didn’t even know he had a name, let alone that he was meant to be Lula’s brother). The end result is an increasingly ridiculous plot and far more questions that will most likely never be satisfactorily answered.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms 41: As anyone who has watched the show to this point will be well aware, Shu is a heroic kingdom of justice and righteousness, and naturally, petty and small Wu cannot hope to compare. Mired in jealousy over the relative size of their ‘weapons’, Zhou Yu decides to set a trap for Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei- can our heroes outwit his plans? If you answered ‘no’ to that question, go to the back of the class.

Shounen Onmyouji 12: It took far too many episodes, and I had almost despaired of it happening at all, but at long last, the final confrontation with Kyuuki is here, complete with brief flashes of screen time for the little-used Tenitsu and Genbu. Despite the obvious questions of “where exactly will the plot go from here?” and “what is the plot anyway?”, this is an enjoyable enough episode, much improved by the fact that Kyuuki’s arc is finally over.

MANGA

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Onikakushi 4: It’s back to the creepy first arc in this chapter, with Keiichi discovering that his group of friends aren’t all they seem in the aftermath of Tomitake and Takano’s disappearance. In the wake of all the came after, it’s been easy to forget that Higurashi was once a compelling and chilling tale of horror, but this chapter alone is enough to reawaken those memories and reinvigorate my interest in the series.

Shakugan no Shana 8: Given the lack of releases for this mediocre manga, I had all but dropped it, but at the eleventh hour, the first chapter of volume two has appeared. Shana has now settled down in school and terrified all the teachers- but will the gym teacher fight back by setting endless running? Even this brief section of the anime cannot be wrapped up in one chapter, so come back next time to find out the thrilling conclusion to Shana’s PE lesson.

Spiral 25-6: After wrapping up the game between Eyes and Ryoko in chapter twenty-five, twenty-six opens volume six with a new arc that sees Kanone arrive in Japan as part of his quest to hunt the Blade Children. As always, I have little else to add except praise for this excellent series (I’ll deal with the decline in later volumes when I get to them, for now I’m pretending that doesn’t happen), and hope for the swift appearance of further chapters.

xxxHOLiC vol. 10 chapter 1: Yes, I’ve finally got around to starting volume ten, with this brief chapter that sees Yuuko relax on a summer’s day (with Watanuki manning the sprinklers) before a catgirl arrives and takes him to collect some water. Presumably the water is the same liquid that is sent to X-Tokyo in Tsubasa, but aside from noting this and revelling in xxxHOLiC’s distinctive artwork, there isn’t much to say about this brief chapter.

Real life truly can be pain sometimes; on Wednesday, I had to deal with water pouring through the ceiling thanks to a burst pipe (thankfully there was no lasting damage), and Thursday was the day of numerous power cuts thanks to Wind’s evil brother Snow. Hopefully matters will stabilise soon, before this becomes my personal woes blog.

Reviewed this week: Busou Renkin 18, Death Note 16, Kanon 18, Les Miserables 1, Nodame 3-4, Red Garden 14-15, SaiMono 30, Shounen Onmyouji 10-11

…and in manga: REC 26, Spiral 23-4, Spiral Alive 1, Tsubasa 142, Twin Spica 2

ANIME

Busou Renkin 18: Whilst Kazuki, Gouta and Tokiko head off to uncover the mystery of Kazuki’s Black Kakugane, the FMA rip-off team that we’ve been seeing in the OP for a while finally gets fully mobilised in their quest to stop both Victor and Kazuki (aka Victor III). Unfortunately, this isn’t so much an episode where things happen as one where everything is put in place for them happening later on, with even a fight between Papillon and alchemic warrior Ikusabe proving to be rather repetitive and unexciting.

Death Note 16: Why is it that when it comes to this series, the next story arc always seems more appealing than the current one? Unlike Hikaru no Go, which I was happy to watch in spite of its extreme faithfulness to the manga, the Death Note anime is continuing to leave me feeling impatient, especially when Light and L ‘time out’ and enter their coloured Justice forms. This episode sees Light voluntarily enter confinement in an attempt to prove to L that he is not Kira; whilst the pace remains slow, the way the shape of Light’s eyes changes when he loses his memories of the Death Note is rather amusing (slanted = evil; round = good).

Kanon 18: If the fact that Shiori is even sick at all is hard to swallow, then it becomes even harder once we realise that she will not be allowed to go out after her sixteenth birthday- after all, her condition may magically deteriorate. That aside, this episode ends the Shiori arc, complete with a few plot points previously seen in the Toei series; as always, it is somewhat soporific in content, but I have to admit to feeling some emotion towards the end.

*NEW* Les Miserables- Shoujo Cosette 1: If anime truly does have things to teach us, then this week’s lesson must surely run along the lines of ‘don’t pay to leave your daughter with clearly suspicious-looking innkeepers’. Unfortunately, not being aware of this lesson, that is just what Fantine chooses to do to her daughter Cosette in the opening minutes of the latest classic novel to anime adaptation, setting the stage for forty-nine more episodes of drama and angst. Having approached this series with a mixture of scepticism and curiosity, I was happy to find that episode one was a solid effort- my only real complaint at this stage is the rather basic and often ugly character designs.

Nodame Cantabile 3-4: Episode three gave me hope that I could actually begin to enjoy Nodame; in a slow but sure process, the characters and the off-kilter humour began to grow on me with the introduction of HARD GAY timpanist Masumi. Unfortunately, episode four went on to undo much of that good work by adding yet another new character in the form of German conductor Stresemann; with his shallow personality and excessive skirt-chasing, his presence immediately puts a damper on any scene. I want to enjoy this series, but every time I start getting along with it, it seems like a fresh obstacle is placed in my way.

Red Garden 14-15: In episode fourteen of Red Garden, Claire is broke, Kate is vaguely positive, Rachel is moody and Rose is…ever so slightly useful? Yes, in the midst of learning how to fly, angsting about personal issues and tangling up the plot a little bit more, Rose actually does something more constructive than standing around and crying- that’s character development for you. In other news, the headmistress and head of Grace are both connected to Lula and the fight against Hervé’s family, but aside from this little revelation, the majority of the episode is somewhat sleep inducing.

Fifteen deepens the angst cloud that surrounds our leads with further family issues for Claire and Rose, whilst Hervé plays “I’m watching you all the time” with Kate to relieve the stress of Mireille turning evil and getting beaten to death. We also learn that Lise was dating Hervé prior to her untimely end- of course, with the convolutions of the plot and the attention I’m paying to it, we may have discovered that weeks ago only for me to subsequently forget.

Saiunkoku Monogatari 30: A single episode of SaiMono could never have the same impact as last week’s delicious triple bill, but even if it isn’t the series’ strongest episode, SaiMono 30 is still way ahead of the pack. As Shuurei and Eigetsu prepare to enter the capital and take up their role as governors, the various plot threads of the arc all move forward; there are quite a few characters and story elements to keep up with, but it seems certain that they are building towards something spectacular.

Shounen Onmyouji 10-11: Each episode I hope that Kyuuki will be defeated and the series will move on, and each episode disappoints me by increasing the possibility that Kyuuki is, in fact, the final boss. Whilst we remain little closer to discovering the identities of the more interesting Spirit Summons, episode ten is a basic setup instalment which sees Masahiro and Mokkun wander around for no good reason, whilst poor Akiko discovers that being the female lead in a shounen series ensures that one must become a perpetual damsel in distress. Episode eleven manages to advance the plot a little bit and expose the identity of one more Spirit Summon, but despite bringing Rikugou to prominence and including a battle with yet another sub-boss, the plot is not moving forward as quickly as I’d like.

MANGA

REC 26: Like Chokotto Sister, REC keeps luring me back with promises of some gentle romance and slice-of-life, only to morph into something more adult as soon as it can manage it. This chapter sees Matsumaru and Aka planning to celebrate Matsumaru’s recent 100,000 yen bonus with a romantic night in, only to get interrupted by practically every named character in the series. It would have been an enjoyable chapter if not for the unnecessary female nudity- I could have lived with the nipple shots, but did we need to see Yoshioka spilling alcohol all over her crotch? I think not.

Spiral 23-4: It can only be a good thing that the regular supply of Spiral continues unabated, with this chapter starting to put all the pieces in place for the next arc. Whilst Madoka tries to worm the truth of what’s been going on out of Ayumu, Eyes approaches new character and fellow Blade Child Ryoko to warn her that a Hunter will soon be on their trail- but will the reluctant Ryoko want to work with Eyes and the others?

*NEW* Spiral Alive 1: As an added treat on top of all these new Spiral chapters, the first chapter of Spiral Alive begins a prequel story about Kiyotaka Narumi and his wife-to-be, Madoka. In this first chapter, Madoka falls prey to a seemingly innocent crush on a fellow classmate named Sawamura, little realising that this will draw her into a dark and complex world lurking just beneath the surface of society. Even at this early stage, this is highly recommended for all Spiral fans.

Tsubasa Chronicle 142: Everyone may still be out of character and fighting meaningless chess games, but the good news is that we’ve finally been given a bit of a revelation- the tournament prize Sakura is aiming for is a way of crossing worlds by herself. Under inspection, this is another plot point that raises more questions than it answers, but then, when has Tsubasa been any different?

Twin Spica 2: It’s been a while, but the second chapter of Twin Spica has finally appeared, in which Asumi and the others begin their closed confinement test. Although I’m more interested in seeing what happens after the events we saw in the anime, this is a good enough series that I’m happy to relive familiar material.