Sensei enters the classroom.

Sensei: Class, today there is no class! As the world is ending tomorrow, we must make the most of our final hours?

Chiri: What do you mean, Sensei?

Sensei pulls out an diagram of CERN and the Large Hadron Collider.

Sensei: When they switch this on tomorrow, it will create a micro black hole and the whole world will be sucked in?

Kafka: I’m sure that won’t happen, Sensei.

Chiri: It’s just a baseless speculation- no sensible person would believe in it. Remember when the world was going to end in 1999?

Sensei: If we don’t take this seriously, then the world will really end and we’ll have missed a vital opportunity to completely disregard authority.

Sensei pours out a drink of alcohol, but it falls off the desk and smashes on the floor.

Sensei: Zetsubou shita! These reports of the end of the world have left me in despair!

• Dancing lessons would have been back on Friday.
• Tickets booked for events next year are now worthless.
• Even if the world does end, we won’t know it happened.
• The new school year has begun- all those wasted applications and homework!
• We needn’t have worried about resources running out.
• All those B-movies were wrong.

What’s in Naoki’s Newspaper?

Viewers of Itazura na Kiss will have noticed that Naoki pays more attention to his newspaper than his wife, but what is it that keeps him so occupied? We decided to suggest some possible articles that might have caught his eye.

• “How to be a Complete and Utter Bastard”
• “How not to be a Complete and Utter Bastard” (he keeps rereading it in the hopes that it will make sense one day).
• “Sweater Fashions: What not to wear”
• “Wil Schultz and Major Stork’s family advice column”

Blade of the Immortal 2

“Oh, homicidal- I thought you said homosexual!”

“You are a lousy lover!”

“But his Liang was Zhuge!”

“It is not the size that matters, it’s the technique.”

“Yesterday, you got greedy and tried to have two men at once!”

“One of them was an accursed gaijin, a filthy white man!”

“No man has ever tried to Pleasure two partners at once before!”

“And that one of them was a savage was even worse!”

“Who cares as long as you conquer your partner and force them to submit?”

“You don’t even need to undress to make me think dirty thoughts about you.”

“Teenage boys, on the other hand…”

“If you want to turn STRAIGHT, then you might as well go the whole way.”

“If you are as frustrated as you say, then show me by giving me the greatest Pleasure of my life!”

“Very well- I will.”

HARD GAY corner: Final Fantasy Tactics

Deprived of the HARD GAY a boy naturally enjoys with his brothers, Ramza Beoulve turned to his best friend Delita, but their happy years together came to an end when Delita decided to pursue new methods of Pleasure. Whilst Delita tried to set events in motion to cause the largest orgy ever, Ramza travelled the land, searching for the ultimate in HARD GAY partners. Unfortunately, all too often he was branded a heretic for hurting old men who only wanted little boys, but along the way he recruited the likes of Gun user Mustadio, “Hell in bed” knight Malak and Swordsman Orlandu to satisfy him in the bedroom. In the end, however, he decided that INCEST with his sister Alma was the way to go, and rode off into the sunset.

Mini-editorial: Are we too obsessed with tagging everything?

Mini-editorial is back (for this week, anyway), and we’re here to discuss the new(-ish) phenomenon that’s swept the internet- tags! From blog posts to images, everything can now be tagged with useful keywords that make searching for what you need that much easier, but whilst I find tagging as useful as the next internet addict, I have to wonder if we’ve gone a step too far. For example, these days when I write a review for Amazon, there’s an option to add tags to that review, and I have to wonder- does anyone actually use those tags in any constructive way whatsoever? Are we now at the stage where we tag things for the sake of it? Are we cluttering up our world with useless tags just because it’s a bit of a novelty? Or will the great tag infrastructure of the world someday prove useful? Like all things, maybe we need to use tagging in moderation- in some places, it is of course highly useful, but if it brings nothing to whatever we’re doing, maybe we shouldn’t be quite so tag-happy.

Harem of the week: Kazuki (Dual)

After being sent to a parallel universe, Kazuki discovered more than a few beautiful girls were up for spending time with him- all ultimately coming to live in the same house. What else would you expect from the creator of Tenchi?

Harem

Mitsuki Sanada: The main girl who comes across from Kazuki’s home universe- the tsundere type who hates any form of competition.

Mitsuki Rara: Mitsuki’s parallel universe counterpart; although she dresses up and plays the part of the overbearing enemy queen, her natural personality is reserved and self-effacing.

D: An alien being in an artificial body, she interprets things literally and has little understanding of the nuances of human behaviour.

Yayoi: The older woman, she acts as a mentor and teacher but holds a torch for Kazuki after he saves her life.

Backlog catch-up is a myth.

Reviewed this week: Amatsuki 12-13, Antique Bakery 3-4, Blade of the Immortal 2, Chi’s Sweet Home 53-68, Detroit Metal City 1, Eve no Jikan 1, Himawari!! 6, Itazura na Kiss 17, Kaiba 11-12, Koihime Musou 4, Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 12, Otome S.ifr 2, Nabari no Ou 17-18, Natsume Yuujinchou 4-5, Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 4, Persona Trinity Soul 22-6, Real Drive 13, Ryoko’s Case File 4, Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 4, Soul Eater 16-18, Telepathy Shoujo Ran 6-7, Wagaya no Oinari-sama 14-15, Xam’D 3

…and in manga: .hack//Link 3, Caramel Espresso 1-2, Clannad 6-8, Claymore 82, Elfen Lied 89-101, FMA 85, MariMite 25-7, Minami-ke 34-5, Nodame 121, Rose of Versailles 9-10, Sketchbook 13-16, Slayers Aqualord 1, Slayers Revolution 3, Tsubasa 194, Wagaya no Oinari-sama 1, xxxHOLiC 159-161, Yotsuba&! 55

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- Chi plays
2. Kaiba (2) – who am I? <-complete!
3. Hidamari Sketch x365 (3) – 365 times the fun
4. Soul Eater (4) – symmetry
5. Xam’d- Lost Memories (5) – Bones does it again
6. Natsume Yuujinchou (6) – Nyanko-sensei forever!
7. Wagaya no Oinari-sama (7) – hot springs
8. Nabari no Ou (8) – change of side
9. Slayers Revolution (9) – Dragon Slave
10. Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu (14) – maid secrets
11. Persona Trinity Soul (11) – what did it all mean? <- complete!
12. Detroit Metal City (-) – I’m gonna f***ing raep you! <-new!
13. Koihime Musou (10) – Guan Yu has more breasts and less beard
14. Antique Bakery (15) – Young Master!
15. Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (16) – fillerific
16. Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (12) – open the safe
17. Ryoko’s Case File (18) – superintendant
18. Real Drive (13) – flashback
19. World Destruction (19) – tree
20. Himitsu (21) – faceless
21. Amatsuki (20) – inconclusive <-complete!
22. Allison and Lillia (23) – plane crash is the new train wreck
23. Telepathy Shoujo Ran (17) – and I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!
24. Blade of the Immortal (22) – boring <-dropped!
25. Itazura na Kiss (24) – dislikeable cast
26. Chocolate Underground (25) – chocolate is forbidden

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Tetsuko no Tabi (1)- is this ever going to be subbed?
2. Love GetChu! (2)- light entertainment
3. Gunslinger Girl- Il teatrino (3)- licensed
4. Himawari!! (4) – needs less plot

*COMPLETE* Amatsuki 12-13: At long last, the series so dull and unable to maintain a consistent plotline that I barely knew or cared what was going on has come to an end, although to call something as inconclusive as this an ending is stretching it a bit. In episode twelve, Toki manages to save Imayou from evil somehow and turn her into a cute fox once again, before episode thirteen sees Ginshu call down the Hand of God, everything turns a bit Matrix-esque and then it all ends with the announcement that Toki may have to become the next overseer of this world. I’ll go into more detail in its own specific review, but suffice to say that after a slightly promising start, Amatsuki was barely worth watching. If you haven’t tried it, don’t bother.

Antique Bakery 3-4: Two more episodes in, and the HARD GAY has gone off the scale as Tachibana’s childhood friend Chikage shows up. Chikage holds a candle for “Young Master” Tachibana, but when he takes off his sunglasses, he captures Ono’s heart leading to new extremes of lust, longing and a general HARD GAY atmosphere. At least it’s somewhat amusing.

*DROPPED* Blade of the Immortal 2: It’s been proven that I can sit through near endless amounts of mediocrity, but there inevitably comes a time when one of the worse series just goes a step too far, and this week, Blade of the Immortal has proven too dull to continue with. In this episode, we see a flashback of a generic wronged family, before we return to the present, where the one survivor has grown up and now wants to travel with our lead on the way to revenge. When you put it like that, it sounds fairly inoffensive, but there’s absolutely no reason to care about what’s going. Bee Train has really outdone themselves this time.

Chi’s Sweet Home 53-68: If the rash of average series that has infected us this season can be thought of as a kind of dull gruel, then Chi’s Sweet Home is the delicious chocolate chips in my viewing schedule, renewing my faith in the medium as a whole and refreshing my stamina for everything else. In this batch of episodes, Chi gets a return visit to the vet, plays in a storm, experiences the family getting ill, becomes addicted to snack treats and generally does all sorts of cute cat-like things. The most hilarious moment occurs when Chi gets into a net, secure in the knowledge that no one can catch her- right up until Youhei seals her in.

*NEW* Detroit Metal City 1: Negishi is a mild-mannered young man who came to Tokyo to make it big as a guitar player; but whilst he may play wholesome songs of peace and harmony by day, by night he becomes Krauzer, lead singer for Detroit Metal City, a death metal band who has built their reputation on explicit lyrics. The trouble is, Krauser has a tendency to emerge as and when he will, and as long as that happens, Negishi won’t get any girls. Thus begins a new OVA series based on the manga of the same name, and whilst this is certainly something you won’t want to watch in polite company (or perhaps any company whatsoever), there is something amusing to be found from the mismatch between the two personalities.

*NEW* Eve no Jikan 1: In a world where androids have become integrated into all walks of life (yes, another one), there is only one place where artificial intelligence and humans can be treated on the same level- a small café located in an obscure back street. Just like the café in Mizu no Kotoba (is it meant to be the same place?), humans and androids are treated equally here, as our protagonist discovers when he stumbles on it after checking his android’s movement logs. Although the overall premise may not be particularly original, this is a well animated and reasonably thought provoking piece that immediately stands out from most of the dross we’ve been subjected to lately.

Himawari!! 6: Hayato and the girls have been left alone, but whilst they try to figure out what’s going on, who should show up but Tsubaki- and this time she wants to duel Himawari to see who is worthy of Hayato-dono’s heart. As with the rest of the season, this is a pretty average episode, although at least the infamous birthmark is having some significance this time around.

Itazura na Kiss 17: Another week, another episode of Itazura na Kiss that gives us no reason to do anything but despise all of the characters. Kotoko has finally made it into nursing school (skipping straight to the second year for some reason) but in predictable fashion she is an incompetent klutz that I wouldn’t wish on any patient, whilst her new classmates are all obsessed with Naoki- first trailing him to find out the identity of his wife (since Kotoko gets into a situation where she can’t easily admit it) and the deciding that it will be easy to get Naoki to divorce her and go after them. Well, aside from the fact that he’s a complete and utter bastard, vowing to break up someone’s marriage is a bit much even when viewed in a ‘comedic’ light, whilst the one character who isn’t interested in Naoki seems likely to end up falling for Kotoko. Oh dear, what a tangle.

*COMPLETE* Kaiba 11-12: Episode eleven sees Popo ascend to the world above, but his victory is a pyrrhic one- Cheki, the one who he wanted to see his victory, no longer has any memories of their shared past, whilst a careless mistake sees his mother’s memory chip consigned to oblivion. Not that Popo’s achievements are to be long-lived, given the number of people ready and willing to snatch it all away from him- setting the stage for Kaiba-Warp to meet and battle the fake. Can Neiro and Hyo-Hyo (who contains Neiro’s original memories) help Kaiba-Warp to claim victory and defeat the plant, all without losing himself in the mass of memories he possesses? I can’t say that this series made complete sense to me, but it was still very good, and one of the few select series that deserves watching again.

Koihime Musou 4: When Cao Cao shows up in town, Ma Chao decides to take revenge for the death of her father, and when she lands in prison because of it, Guan Yu must offer her body to the ambitious warlord in return for her friend’s freedom. Although the deed doesn’t actually take place, this episode takes the ecchi levels up several notches (presumably they slept together in the original game) but if you discount those moments, the series is still mildly entertaining if you view it with rose-tinted glasses.

Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 12: Although I have occasionally complained about the family going overboard and ruining everything, what I didn’t count on was an episode in which they all but completely failed to appear. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what we get here, with a filler episode about a random college student who takes in a catgirl. The catgirl is rather cute, but the episode is hardly anything to write home about- unless you want to write home to explain how you just wasted twenty-five minutes of your life.

Mai-Otome 0 S.ifr 2: Since I completely forgot to watch this raw, I ended up catching my first subbed episode of Mai-Otome since the original series, as the prequel tale of Sifr, Bruce and Rena continues. Whilst Schwarz try to convince Sifr that their dodgy haircuts and generic minions are in no way any indication that they are, in fact, evil, Rena has an angst session with a bishie and his brother Reito in the desert, Elliot gets stripped naked for some reason and various other uninteresting things happen. But the true indicator that the franchise has gone downhill is that this episode is completely lacking in fat grey cats, or indeed any cats whatsoever. Bring back the cats!

Nabari no Ou 17-18: Although you wouldn’t expect it of a series purporting to contain ninjas and action, I’ve come to realise that the best way to enjoy Nabari no Ou is to adapt oneself to its tranquil pacing- if you do this, it somehow becomes more enjoyable. Anyway, episode seventeen sees Raimei lead Yukimi to the school in an attempt to keep him away from Thobari and everyone else, but as it turns out, Thobari is there shredding documents anyway. Perhaps it’s just as well, however, as Raimei’s character has degenerated into that of a pathetic female who can’t do anything, much to my disappointment. Then in episode eighteen Yoite enters Angst Mode after learning that he has a month to live, causing him to wander the wintry streets in his pyjamas, coughing up blood. Nice.

Natsume Yuujinchou 4-5: It’s time for Natsume Yuujinchou to show lesser series how it’s done in this double bill of episodes; first up, we have a test of courage that sees Natsume and his friends wander the school at night, only to discover that there may actually be a ghost, followed by an encounter with a none-too-bright demon at the station that leads to Natsume attempting to complete a reconciliation Reiko forgot to do anything about. It may not be mind-blowingly original, but the series has a perfect trump card in the form of Nyanko-sensei, who reveals that he can also transform into an attractive young woman alongside his fat cat and Okami forms.

Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 4: It’s time for another classic anime storyline this week on Haruka, as our intrepid main characters decide to trail Haruka’s maid in order to discover why she might have a life of her own outside the household. The entire script has basically been lifted out of the annals of anime history, and the fact that it is better than several other things I’ve watched this week is only an indictment on their low quality rather than endorsement of this.

*COMPLETE* Persona Trinity Soul 22-6: Well, the best that I can say about is that at least it’s over, because overall this last batch of episodes was as underwhelming as the rest of the series. Whilst people continue to sink into apathy, switch consciousness and all the rest, several main characters die (I must admit I felt sad for Kanaru, given her true nature) and Shin learns the hideous truth of his past before entering a persona-driven boss battle. Would I have got more out of this series if I’d played the game first? Perhaps, but I’m waiting it for reduce in price before I buy it.

Real Drive 13: Amidst all the boring and monotonous episodes to pass my eyes this week, one stands out above them all, and it is this- Real Drive’s own attempt at something even more fillerific than the average filler episode. In this episode, Haru and Minamo drag us along on their day off, in which they look at pictures and reminisce about Haru’s youth- complete with musical interludes in place of dialogue. In the annals of dull, this episode must surely deserve some sort of prize.

Ryoko’s Case File 4: The affable and none-too-bright Jun’ichiro accompanies Ryoko on another case in this episode (you don’t say!), in which they embark on a dialogue ridden investigation into a company researching the creation of artificial/genetically-engineered/whatever life forms. To cut to the chase, what they produced was a hideous green monster, but the woman who mothered it considers it her son and runs off with it in her arms. It’s a little disturbing, and I almost wish it would go back to the 90s where it belongs.

Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 4: It’s Midorikawa’s turn in the spotlight this episode, as we learn of the predictably troubled past that made him into the moody teen he is- basically, after learning that her husband and son had mage potential, Midorikawa’s mother walked out on them, whilst his classmates rejected him. Now he must learn to face up to his situation, but in a rather unpleasant turn of events, one client wants to recapture the taste of a nostalgic drink- and the mages give her breast milk. Yes, that’s right- rather creepily, a glass full of breast milk appears out of nowhere and the woman drinks it. I guess if you want to get technical then it’s not much different to drinking something that’s come from a cow’s udder, but the thought of it is somehow far, far worse.

This isn’t Bartender, you know.

Soul Eater 16-18: Episode sixteen concludes Kid’s visit to Nidhogg and his duel with both the ship and Ragnarok (ending in an appropriately symmetric situation, of course), before we move onto the realms of complete filler with episode seventeen. Perhaps the worst episode of the series so far, seventeen sees minor character Oxford visit Excalibur and basically listen to him ramble on for twenty-five minutes. Fortunately, eighteen is quick to get things moving again, as Medusa’s plans come to fruition and it is left to the named characters to try to stop her. Hopefully this means plenty of action and lots of ‘coolness’ in the upcoming episodes.

Telepathy Shoujo Ran 6-7: Scooby-Doo meets the 21^st century in this duet of episodes, as our heroes set off to an inn which has been plagued by ghost sightings. Could it be the work of the evil man who wants to buy the inn from the family that manages it? Is water wet? Unfortunately, where episode six can be watched with a sense of smug superiority that you know what will take the protagonists a while to discover, episode seven is entirely dull as they slowly struggle to conclusions you no longer care about. I’m toying with dropping this series.

Wagaya no Oinari-sama 14-15: It’s time for new characters and a new arc as Tohru gets a mysterious girl delivered to him by a large cat- but who is she, and why would the Oni go to such lengths as to capture Kuu-chan just to find out her whereabouts? Naturally, Kuu-chan isn’t without her tricks, even using Mubyou’s voice over a cell phone to break a sealing spell. It’s entertaining stuff, even if the conclusion of episode fifteen indicates that there might be a slightly tedious arc ahead.

World Destruction 4: World Destruction reaches new lows in this episode, as we visit a village where the frogman leader has cut down all of the sakura trees- except for one, which is purported to be cursed. What follows is a lot of running around from our leads in an attempt to maintain the illusion of the curse, resulting in so much mayhem that they really didn’t need to pretend at all. Drum this into your head once and for all- no good can come from RPG-based series.

Xam’d- Lost Memories 3: Akiyuki must adjust to his life on the ship in preparation for his Eureka Seven style adventures to come, but naturally he’s none too pleased to learn that not only is his old life over, but he’s going to have to work for a living from now on. As the obligatory “hero reluctantly settles into his new role” episode, this isn’t the best episode thus far, but I’m optimistic that it will all pay off in the future.

MANGA

.hack//Link 3: Whilst the villain group receives orders via magic CCTV (I wonder if they bought it from Yata and Pai), Tokio is demoted from hero to servant of fellow player Saika and given the mission of tracking down the Chrono Cores before the villains get them. The first Chrono Core is in the hands of familiar face Tsukasa, although given all the revisions of the World, it’s hard to know whether this has a connection to the real Tsukasa or if it’s just a data ghost. And let’s not even get into the use of the age old “collect all the special items before the enemy does” direction that the plot is taking.

*NEW* Caramel Espresso 1-2: Why do all the gay series have misleadingly intriguing names? Anyway, in this rather bizarre excuse for HARD GAY, Sayuu is a coffee shop worker and university student who wakes up one morning to find that he has suddenly become left-handed. Tracing back the origin of the switch to a customer at the café, he becomes acquainted with Aki, a quiet young man who has a HARD GAY dominant alter ego named Ao. Since Ao was produced from suppressing the painful memories of a troubled childhood and a need to hide his HARD GAY from homophobic adults, Aki seems to hope that having a relationship with Sayuu will help him to integrate his alter ego- and even though Sayuu is STRAIGHT, he finds himself oddly attracted to Aki (yeah, like we haven’t seen that happen before). It’s all a bit convoluted, but by the end of chapter two we’re already down to the sausage-fest.

Clannad 6-8: With all the excess of the other girls’ stories clipped out, the Clannad manga is moving at a fast pace down Nagisa’s track- which of course suits me just fine. First up we attend to the restoration of the drama club, which is easily achieved without resorting to baseball matches, before Tomoya’s situation with his father becomes so untenable that he moves in with Nagisa’s family. Yes, it’s familiar ground, but it’s nice to be covering it this quickly.

Claymore 82: Whilst Renee is captured by Riful and persuaded to cooperate with her in exchange for the chance to regenerate her legs, Claire’s team decide to resolve their personal issues in preparation for the final attack on North Crater the Abyssal Ones. For the lesser characters, this means visiting their hometowns, but for Claire, only tracking down Raki will be enough to set aside the last of her doubts. A fated meeting is no doubt in their future, but what will come of it? Let’s hope we don’t have to wait too many months to find out.

Elfen Lied 89-101: A bulk catch-up on Elfen Lied takes us almost to the end of the series, and it’s a far cry from the situation we once knew. Female Researcher has developed a vaccine that could cure the Diclonius virus, but it’s only with considerable outside help that she can get it past all the Diclonii that have broken out of the research facility. Meanwhile, Lucy’s powers have levelled up significantly, but will Kouta accept her, or turn her away for all the lives she’s taken? It’s to see some real plot development- after all, so close to the end, we can’t do without it.

Fullmetal Alchemist 85: The time has come for those who oppose Bradley to make their move, but when terrorists blow up his train, Father himself comes forward out of the shadows to take control. Meanwhile, Ed is reunited with his father, but when Al shows up, something seems amiss. It seems as if the plot isn’t afraid to march forward at this stage, but what will happen next? The anticipation for the next chapter is great.

Maria-sama ga Miteru 25-7: Since the order of arcs was switched round a little, it’s now time for the Rosa Canina arc, as the third years prepare to graduate and Shimako seems reluctant to run against new character Kanina Shizuka in the Yamayurikai elections. Again, it’s enjoyable to revisit this arc in a format where I can take it at my own pace, but with these chapters only covering about half of the story, it would be nice to have the rest to hand even though I know how it will turn out.

Minami-ke 34-5: After the girls try on each other’s uniforms, Kana becomes obsessed with the effect of appearances, even going so far as to borrow Keiko’s glasses in order to become more intellectual. These chapters aren’t the best examples of the series, but they’re entertaining enough.

Nodame Cantabile 121: After a quick catch-up with Streseman in New York (where a little boy wipes dog faeces on him), we return to Paris to see Chiaki, Rui and the orchestra continue their rehearsals and field an interview from Classic Life magazine, whilst in the background, Nodame practises some Debussy. Not a particularly eventful chapter, but one that seems to indicate the manga could go on forever.

Rose of Versailles 9-10: With the passing of Louis XV, Louis XVI takes the throne and Marie Antoinette becomes Queen of France, but hopes of a new age for France are quickly dashed when the beautiful young queen seems more interested in using the country’s finances to order finery for herself than for helping the people. Meanwhile, Jeanne carries out a plan to earn herself her benefactor’s title and money, whilst poor Rosalie hits rock bottom. Of course, we all know how this particular period in history turned out, but you can’t help urging Marie Antoinette to realise the error of her ways before the guillotine starts looming.

Sketchbook 13-16: I can’t express how much better this manga is than the anime as it continues onwards into volume two, complete with fresh humour, more moments of randomness and everything you could want from this sort of light-hearted comedy. There’s only so many different ways I can express these sentiments, but I’ll keep repeating them for as long it takes to complete this series.

*NEW* Slayers- Knight of Aqua Lord 1: Another Slayers series, Knight of Aqua Lord doesn’t fit into either novel or TV series canon as we see Lina and Gourry head off to a cursed island in an attempt to find enough treasure to pay off a gambling debt. Unfortunately, things go a little pear-shaped when the fearless duo is attacked by giant water dragons, with Lina waking up in a strange land where her magic doesn’t work! How will Lina fare without her trusty Fireball and Dragon Slave? Presumably we’ll find out in the next few chapters.

Slayers Revolution 3: Much of this chapter is just a retread of episode five, and since I only wrote about that last week, I won’t bother to recount it here. There are some slight additions, however, at the end, as Xellos and Waiser team up with the goal of arresting Lina (again), and the evil Marquess dispatches a mid-boss type assassin named Zuuma to be inevitably defeated at the hands of our heroes in the near future.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 194: If you thought very little had happened in the last few chapters, then even less happens here as Sakura has some sort of premonition of danger and Syaoran decides that he must accompany her during the ceremony- which will be occurring next chapter at the earliest. Could the pace be getting slower than even that of the infamous bus arc?

*NEW* Wagaya no Oinari-sama 1: The first chapter of the Wagaya manga is actually much the same as the first episode (albeit without covering the ending) so thus far there isn’t much to say, except to comment that Kuu-chan’s female form looks younger and cuter than her anime form. Personally, I prefer the sophisticated look of the latter.

xxxHOLiC 159-161: Whilst Watanuki realises that he can live without his memories as long as he’s the main character of the series, the bulk of these chapters seems to be affirming his HARD GAY relationship with Doumeki- with a visit to Early Chapters Fortune Teller and her new apprentice Kohane indicating that they are destined to be together. At the end of 161, however, a new customer comes to the shop- could this be the long-awaited start of a new story?

Yotsuba&! 55: Dad has plans to buy some clothes for the autumn, but Yotsuba being Yotsuba means that they inevitably get sidetracked when she decides that she needs to collect some acorns. Yes, it’s another delightfully whimsical chapter in the life of everyone’s favourite green-haired five-year-old; may it last for a good while yet.

Dragons’ Den

Welcome to our regular feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral’s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

The latest entrant to the Den is the mysterious Tailor, who has come to market a rather unique line of clothing.

Tailor: Hello, my name is Tailor and I represent the interests of the company who supplies Ikki Tousen, Sekirei and related series with clothing. I’m here to ask for investment in our special line of ‘easy-rip’ clothing. Easy rip clothes tear off at the drop of a hat, leaving the wearer clad in only their underwear.

The Admiral: We’re cats- why would we be interested in clothes?

Aria: Punyu! [Well, actually I’m a collector of hats and accessories, but I prefer ones that are durable enough for a hard day’s work in Neo Venezia.]

Mikoto: Likewise, I prefer outfits that can stand up to all the rolling around and eating I do in the course of a normal day.

Tailor: But trust me- once you try these clothes, you’ll never want to go back!

Mikoto: Sorry, but I’m not convinced, and that’s why I’m out.

Aria: Punyu! [I’m out as well].

Mr Tibbs: I’m actually rather interested to learn why the underwear doesn’t rip as well.

Tailor: Well, in order to keep within broadcast regulations, we have to make the underwear out of a super-durable fabric.

Mr Tibbs: Interesting. Now, if I’m right, don’t your paper-thin clothes mean that the customer has to keep buying replacements?

Tailor: Yes, that’s just it!

Mr Tibbs: Well, in that case I can see massive profit potential in this venture, and I would like to make you an offer.

Tailor: Really? Well, in that case, I’d love to accept your offer.

Having impressed the hard to impress Mr Tibbs, Tailor has secured the first offer from the Dragons in while. Let’s hope he puts that investment to good use for the future of crappy fanservice series.

Blade of the Immortal

Bee Train really like their red moons, don’t they?

“Today’s talking point: murder- right or wrong? Phone in with your views!”

“Why did you have to make me HARD GAY?”

“You think you’ve got problems, but I’m a woman with a Liang!”

“But I thought we were having HARD GAY!”

I thought this was a metaphor at first until I realised it was the real deal.

“I’m not in the mood for HARD GAY right now.”

“Not in the mood?”

“Too bad, because you’re going to be having it anyway!”

“Twelve? No man could have that many Liangs!”

“Oh well, even twelve Liangs will be satisfied by twenty men.”

“I can promise that all of you will die of sexual exhaustion after just one night with me!”

This Week in Anime

“Must reach…giant fruit so I can present it on…Tuesday Rumble…”

There’s just too much wrong with this page…

But what about narrative convention? Is it meaningless now?

“But which is better- pink dango, or brown dango? There’s only one way to find out- FIGHT!”

“Oh, sorry, I thought you said your arse was perfect!”

No they aren’t- they’re here to laugh when you fail.

“Any man will do, as long as he has the stamina to go a few rounds in the bedroom.”

New Wang reveals their new built-in lighting add-on.

Angry mothers decide to show men just what it’s like to give birth.

“Gwakakaka!”

Aagh, rubber duck!

These bananas were clearly found guilty of some terrible wrongdoing.

“Which is we why now say Liang and two buns.”

Dancing apple is caught on camera.

“

Serge will be publishing his own villain’s handbook- “The Seven I’s”- this autumn.

Ah, so that’s the new excuse for looking at adult magazines.

HARD YURI in action.

Flash Game Review: Crimson Room

If you like puzzles, escaping locked rooms and endless clicking, then the Crimson Room is for you! A game that requires observation and brainpower in order to ever get out, the Crimson Room is both addictive and frustrating, and once you complete it, the even harder Viridian Room awaits!

Harem of the week: Issun (Okami)

Diminutive he may be, but tiny artist Issun knew how to chat up the ladies- even if it didn’t seem to result in much actual success.

Harem

Sakuya: A tree spirit whose revealing clothing makes her an instant hit with Issun.

Rao: A priestess and ‘busty babe’ whose assets attract Issun’s attention.

Kaguya: The bamboo princess from the moon- Issun and Amaterasu rescue her from the royal palace.

Fuse: Gentle and kind leader of the Canine Warriors, although they don’t always listen to her.

Himiko: Queen of Sei-An city.

Otohime: Leader of the underwater people.

Kai: A Wep’keer girl who can transform into a dog.

Lika: A young girl with the power to make the northern volcano erupt.

Thanks, I’ll take two.

Reviewed this week: Allison and Lillia 13, Antique Bakery 2, Blade of the Immortal 1, Hidamari Sketch x365 2, Itazura na Kiss 14, Koihime Musou 2, Natsume Yuujinchou 2, Persona 13-17, Ryoko’s Case File 1, Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 2, Telepathy Shoujo Ran 4, Wagaya no Oinari-sama 12-13

…and in manga: Ayu and Mayu 1, Bartender 4-6, Claymore 81, Elfen Lied 86-8, Gunslinger Girl 51-6, Minami-ke 32-3, Nodame Cantabile 120, Sketchbook 8-12, Tsubasa Chronicle 193

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- Chi plays
2. Kaiba (2) – who am I?
3. Soul Eater (3) – best exam ep ever
4. Hidamari Sketch x365 (4) – 365 times the fun
5. xxxHOLiC Kei (6) – typhoid Himawari
6. Natsume Yuujinchou (5) – Book of Friends
7. Nabari no Ou (7) – change of side
8. Wagaya no Oinari-sama (8) – hot springs
9. Slayers Revolution (10) – Dragon Slave
10. Persona Trinity Soul (9) – catch-up, start!
11. Koihime Musou (11) – Guan Yu has more breasts and less beard
12. World Destruction (12) – cats
13. Real Drive (13) – chat program
14. Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (15) – slooowww start
15. Ryoko’s Case File (-) – superintendant <-new!
16. Amatsuki (14) – Kuchiha
17. Antique Bakery (16) – super gay demon
18. Telepathy Shoujo Ran (17) – predictable
19. Himitsu (18) – faceless
20. Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu (-) – secret otaku
21. Blade of the Immortal (-) – immortal worms <- new!
22. Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (19) – kyouran kaizoku
23. Itazura na Kiss (20) – dislikeable cast
24. Allison and Lillia (21) – Travas-ty (sorry, Hanners)
25. Chocolate Underground (22) – chocolate is forbidden

Allison and Lillia 13: Maybe I’m just getting old, but between this and Itazura na Kiss, romance and its recent depiction in anime has really angried up the blood. Hardly the bastion of worth at the best of times, the final episode of the Allison arc rejoins our protagonists now that they are living together- although aside from the wedding rings you’d be hard-pressed to realise they actually had a relationship. Still, Allison and Wil seem happy enough, until Major Stork (or whatever his name is this week) decides that Wil should join his intelligence agency, which will necessitate leaving Allison and changing his very identity. What’s a guy to do when a suspicious mass murderer with lax parenting values tells you to leave the love of your life? Apparently, you should go along with it- and worse yet, Allison supports Wil’s decision, even failing to tell him that she’s just found out she’s pregnant.

So, after saying “I love you” for the first time as he leaves on the train, we flash forward fifteen years, where Allison is now living with her daughter Lillia, and going out with one Major Travas- who happens to be Wil with different coloured hair. So, if he could be Allison’s boyfriend, why did he have to leave forever? Why couldn’t he have just said no and got an academic job at the university or something? It took Allison long enough to get Wil to go out with her, so why did he have to be taken away? Or was such an emotionally stunted man even worth it in the first place?

Antique Bakery 2: The strawberries of doom seem to have taken a backseat this week as former boxer Eiji joins the Antique team- but despite being hired as a receptionist, his love of cake sees him train under HARD GAY chef. Although not quite as parody-worthy as the opening instalment, there’s still potential amidst the banter, not to mention a scene in which our protagonists pipe cream into holes in choux pastry.

*NEW* Blade of the Immortal 1: Giving an action series to Bee Train is like asking a three-year-old to paint the Mona Lisa- you just know that what you’re going to end up with will be a mess that bears very little resemblance to what you asked for. Anyway, in this series we meet a man who has worms inside him that grant immortality (no guffawing, please), but due to his past as a killer, practically everyone is after him- forcing him to kill again and again. Unfortunately, since straightforward action might strain the animation team at Bee Train, everything has to take place either off screen between still shots, or in a darkened room so that a minimum of detail needs to be shown. It’s not terribly interesting, but the series is short enough that it shouldn’t become another El Cazador de la Roots.

Hidamari Sketch x365 2: After last episode’s prequel to season one, we jump ahead to the end of the school year, with Sae’s sister Chika taking entrance exams and everyone else reflecting on how much has happened since they first came to the Hidamari Apartments. It’s another worthy dose of slice-of-life, although I wonder whether we’ll be jumping back to familiar old territory next episode or seeing everyone moving up to the next school year.

Itazura na Kiss 14: And now to the second romance fiasco of the week- the legendary wedding episode of Itazura na Kiss, in which all the development that didn’t happen in the first half of the series is crammed into one episode. Despite having been a complete bastard who treated her like dirt for half a series, Naoki can’t bear the thought of Kotoko marrying Kin-chan (and who could, really), and so he takes it upon himself to propose to her- because despite a large body of evidence to the contrary, he actually does have feelings for her. I assume I’m supposed to sigh and say ‘how romantic’, but come on- shouldn’t they at least go out for a while before getting engaged?

As if that wasn’t enough, however, Naoki’s mother decides it’s too dangerous for them not to get hitched straightaway, and even though a wedding costs about £20-30,000 on average, it somehow all gets arranged within the space of a week. Unreality aside, what happened to “marry in haste, repent at leisure”? Shouldn’t people get married because they want to, rather than because their mother forced them into it before they changed their mind? How can we enjoy such a poorly paced relationship? Isn’t Naoki just a bastard no matter how you look at it?

Oh, for goodness sake- get over yourself.

Koihime Musou 2: The great thing about Koihime Musou is that even though nothing momentous is ever going to happen, I love the Three Kingdoms and the character designs, I can have a fun time spotting them. This week, our heroines link up with the slightly HARD YURI Zhao Yun and Gongsun Zan in order to bust yet another den of generic looking bandits. I get the feeling that this will be the pattern for the series, but if we get to see all the Three Kingdoms favourites as beautiful women, who cares?

Natsume Yuujinchou 2: The returning of contracts is going well enough until a tiny shrine gods shows up to ask for his back, only for Natsume to realise it is stuck to another page in the Book of Friends. Since ripping the pages apart would be damaging to the spirits named within, Natsume and Nyanko-sensei must instead track down the other spirit so that they can both be released at the same time. There’s still a feeling of ‘why does it have to be this way?’ about the whole series, since it seems there must be easier ways for Natsume and Nyanko-sensei to achieve their goals, but the episode is nonetheless a solid one that builds to a decent conclusion- and let’s face it, Nyanko-sensei in cat form is worth the price of admission any day.

*NEW* Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 1: Although it sounds a lot like Kare Kano, I was immediately drawn to the idea of a ‘perfect girl’ who is a secret otaku- is it something I can identify with (well, apart from the fact that I’m far from perfect and my love of anime isn’t a secret)? Unfortunately, this episode isn’t really as exciting as I hoped, featuring a male lead who cooks for his two slobbish female flatmates for some reason, and naturally ends up discovering the perfect Nogizaka Haruka’s secret. His first job as her ‘accomplice’ is to return a manga magazine to the library after hours- hardly a terribly interesting start.

Persona Trinity Soul 13-17: During the first half of the series, I was fully prepared to accept that Persona would improve later on, but now that I’ve made inroads into the later episodes, I can’t say I’m entirely convinced. Although I admit that there are little details that would probably stand out as foreshadowing were I to go back and watch earlier episodes again, apart from Ryou’s undisclosed fate, not a great deal has actually happened. It just all feels too bland to care about- I’m more interested in buying the original game than anything this anime can offer.

*NEW* Ryoko’s Case File 1: Meet the typical detective odd couple- the beautiful and near flawless woman with a harsh personality and her loyal, long-suffering male aide. Together, they solve supernatural cases, and although there’s a lot of visual style to their antics, so far there has been little substance. In fact, aside from a humorous exchange between Ryoko and her rival, this episode wasn’t terribly interesting in terms of content- it’s only the characters that’s going to keep me watching for now.

Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 2: I have to admit that this is an improvement on the treacle slow first episode, but even so, there’s a lot of padding in this new series of Someday’s Dreamers- let’s face it, I don’t need to look at Photoshopped landscapes and listen to insert songs. When it gets to the story, however, this season is decent enough, with Sora attending her first magic class and meeting the usual line-up of characters- seemingly uncaring young man who probably has an ill sister, dead parents or some other family tragedy; rival magic user who aims to be class rep and top of the class and of course the amiable best friend type. There’s nothing her we haven’t seen before, but if the series can provide actual content, it should be solid enough, if not a patch on the original.

Telepathy Shoujo Ran 4: I’m beginning to think about parodying this series, and only the fact that the queue already contains several other series is putting me off. This time around, our heroes go on holiday to a village where something seems amiss- indeed, they even comment that something doesn’t seem right after the villagers threaten them with pitchforks (you think?). Unfortunately, this is only the beginning of the suspicious village arc, so we’ll have to wait until next week to see the thrilling conclusion.

Wagaya no Oinari-sama 12-13: It’s another double bill of predictability for Wagaya, starting with the obligatory hot springs episode in which everyone kicks back and relaxes, leaving poor Tohru to get menaced by a demon, and then proceeding to the equally obligatory culture festival. Fortunately, in the latter episode we do at least meet up with a new fox- a silver one nicknamed Tama-san who I’ve been waiting to see ever since I glimpsed them in the OP- whilst Sakura’s obsession with being the only woman for Noboru continues to be highly entertaining.

MANGA

*NEW* Ayu and Mayu 1: I think we all know by now that I pick up manga based on titles that have even the vaguest connection to things I’m familiar with, and indeed, this series was chosen because of Ayu and Mayu from Kimi ga Nozomu Eien (who have absolutely nothing to do with this manga, might I add). In fact, the series is more like Chokotto Sister II, featuring an older brother who tracks down two girls- one of whom is his long-lost little sister. Whilst he tries to figure out which is which, we’re treated to the usual rounds of fanservice and light entertainment, and whilst I can hardly call it good, this is a decent enough “brain lite” opening chapter.

Bartender 4-6: Although I feel I’m losing something through an imperfect translation, the Bartender manga continues to deliver what the anime couldn’t- tranquil enjoyment. First off, Ryu is asked to placate a foreign architect before he cancels an important job, but will even the promise of the oldest liquor in the world be enough after Ryu criticises the design of the bar? Next, Ryu’s friend decides to get close to the mysterious cabaret girl Akiko, but there is more to this strong and lonely young woman than meets the eye. Finally, a legendary bartender stops by Ryu’s bar, but will he be impressed with the young man’s talent? All of these chapters are calm, pleasant character pieces, with Ryu having far more personality than his more polished anime self did.

Claymore 81: Raki is back, and his newfound maturity has made him more likable, but why is he travelling with Priscilla? And what’s more, why has Priscilla forsaken eating humans to the point where her body has shrunk to that of a child, putting her at the very limits of hunger? Meanwhile, after encountering this strange pair, Claymore number six- Rene- heads off on her way, only to fall into a trap set by Awakened Beings. Thank goodness Claymore is improving all the time, whetting my appetite for more.

Elfen Lied 86-8: As volume ten ends and eleven begins, Nana is reunited with her Papa, but after Evil Scientist feels a rare moment of remorse and releases Barbara from his control, she turns on him and immediately heads off to dispatch both of them. Meanwhile, now that Main Villain has Lucy in his custody, he is free to do the obligatory explanation of his plans, telling her how the Diclonius are merely the resurgence of the powers his family once had- powers they lost and then attempted to regain by breeding near a radioactive lake where the mutation rate was high. He wants Lucy to bear his child and become the Eve of a new race, but all she wants is to go back and live with everyone. Now that the end is in sight, the pace is ramping up, but what will the outcome be? Whatever the case, there’s bound to be violence aplenty.

Gunslinger Girl 51-6: With Angelica gone, Triela knows that her time is running out- a fact that Hilshire is also well aware of. Desperate not to shorten her lifespan any longer, he takes on the next job alone, but when Triela finds out what she has done, she runs off into the night- and only the intervention of some old friends stop her from falling foul of the mafia. Now the time has come for Triela to finally learn of her connection to Hilshire’s past, but how will knowing the truth change their relationship? These are tragic times for one of my favourite characters, and it’s unlikely that there will be any sort of happy ending, but no matter how depressing it gets, Gunslinger Girl is still as excellent as ever.

Minami-ke 32-3: First up, we have the familiar segment in which Kana tries to get Chiaki to sleep in by making her stay up late, only to have them both babble for hours before falling asleep in the living room- it’s an amusing segment, but an uncomfortable reminder of how much I hate having my sleep interrupted. Next, Takeru comes over and manages to find all sorts of hidden items simply by dropping a pen in a straightforward yet utterly hilarious instalment. More of the same, please.

Nodame Cantabile 120: Whilst Chiaki spends his time practising with Rui for their upcoming performance, not being able to see him has hit Nodame hard- but at the same time, these feelings of despair might be just what she needs to bring out the best in her Beethoven. And with exams just around the corner, everyone’s going to have bring something special to their music if they want to stay in Paris- but who will succeed, and who will fail? Will this manga go on forever? Will I even mind if it does?

Sketchbook 8-12: Even though it doesn’t seem particularly long, these chapters complete the first volume of Sketchbook with more 4-koma goodness and plenty of cats; not only is this one of the most consistently funny 4-koma series I’ve read, but it also outmatches the anime by keeping things light and amusing instead of trying to inject some forced thoughtfulness. Here’s hoping for even more cats in the next volume.

Tsubasa Chronicle 193: It’s flashback extravaganza again this chapter, as Syaoran’s week with Sakura slowly draws to a close. What will happen when he goes back and Sakura finishes purification ceremony? Do we even care anymore?