RPG Maker: Perfect Edition

As we all know, the best edition of RPG Maker would be one that could read your mind and create a game based on your imagination, but in the meantime, let’s come up with a few ideas that would make RPG making easier.

• Tilesets and resources for numerous different settings, including modern, futuristic, Japan, period Europe, India, Middle Eastern and Native American.
• Full support for 2D, 3D and isometric games.
• A selection of battle systems covering almost every RPG, action RPG, platformer, fighting game and simulation game imaginable.
• Read made animations for every sort of physical and magical attack.
• Numerous pre-made events, as well as more move options that actually work.
• Fully customisable message windows (with minimal effort and scripting).
• Inbuilt support for summon monsters and exotic job classes.

Fist of the Blue Sky

Observe the muscular MANLINESS.

Sakura petals are always a sign of HARD GAY.

“No, you don’t put the Cane there!”

“We can surely fit in some HARD GAY.”

“Did you know you can get high on chalk?”

MANLY affection.

“I’ve never had Finger before!”

“We haven’t reached a climax yet!”

“It is called a condom.”

MANLY affection, redux.

“They all have dirty minds!”

Short parody: Tokyo Mew Mew A La Mode

Berry is introduced.

Berry: Hello, I’m Berry! I’m the new main character now that Ichigo is gone!

Tasuku: And I’m Tasuku, the obligatory love interest!

Berry: Now, there was too much angst last time because the main guy didn’t know the lead was a magical girl, so you might as well find out straightaway.

Tasuku: Berry, shut up- stories like this need angst!

Berry: Oh well, let’s angst over the fact that we both want to become more than childhood friends.

Mint etc: Hey, what about us? We went through seven volumes with hardly any development and now we’re getting shafted too!

Zakuro: Looks like it- they’re even making us all randomly transfer to Berry’s school.

Pudding: This makes no sense anymore!

Berry: Shut up- you’re destined to be supporting characters forever!

(Kish: At least you got page time.)

The new enemy, the Saint Rose Crusaders, arrive.

Saint Rose Crusaders: Gwakaka, we are the new evil! We have many members, but absolutely no development, and no reason to exist!

Ichigo returns.

Ichigo: I heard someone was taking over as main character! I can’t let that happen, so I’m back!

The Saint Rose Crusaders commence their evil plan.

Saint Rose Crusader #1: I’ve come up with a most excellent plan! First, I’ll use subliminal messages to make everyone love Tokyo Mew Mew, and then I’ll change the messages so that they all hate them instead!

Saint Rose Crusader #2: Why don’t we just skip straight to the part where we make everyone hate them?

Saint Rose Crusader #1: Shut up! Why do you have to ruin everything with common sense?

The evil plan is put into place, and generics start shouting abuse at the Mew Mews.

Berry: No, this is wrong! Power of Love!

Ichigo: Who are you, Flonne?

Mint: Look, the power of love is affecting everyone!

Generics: I feel love for everything!

Saint Rose Crusader Leader: Damn, my pointless and ineffectual plans were completely pointless and ineffectual! Now I see that love is the answer!

The end.

This Week in Anime

\r\nAnyone can make up for small size with a giant wang-shaped desk.\r\n\r\n

“The Apocalypse is coming- I must gather lettuces!”

“Why do you never consider the feelings of these apples and pears?”

“Quick oranges, get into the box- this is an apple-only town!”

“Your apples pass the inspection.”

“They do?”

“Flying apple- go!”

“Such attacks do not faze me.”

“Exquisite.”

“Get that HORSE ready pronto!”

September Anime Awards

The “I pledge my soul to you” award for best anime ever goes to Dennou Coil, which only improves with every passing week.

The golden tanuki award for interesting new characters goes to SaiMono, for successfully introducing two more personalities into an already rather large cast.

The “this show has everything” award goes to first-time award winner Oh! Edo Rocket.

The “I don’t understand it but I like it anyway” award for confusing plot is awarded to Baccano! for the second month in a row.

The “I’m in Despair!” award for lack of subs goes to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, although a slow catch-up is beginning.

The Second Monthly Ultimate Boredom Beyond Any Boredom Experienced Before award is given to El Cazador, although Seirei is trying hard to regain the trophy.

The second stylish supernatural horror award goes to Mononoke, which far surpasses its predecessor.

The “it all went downhill” award for inducing a complete lack of caring goes to Darker than Black.

The pointless episode award goes to Shounen Onmyouji episode eighteen for its lack of relevance to the main plot.

OST spotlight: Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex Be Human

Stand Alone Complex is known for its excellent music, but this CD takes a rather unique approach by focusing on so-called “Tachikoma themes”, such as those from Tachikoma Days. As well as a predominance of beeps, dial tones and the like, the CD covers a wide variety of tracks, from pseudo-classical to samba carnival and even a theme that wouldn’t sound out of place as Bleach OP. The result is a somewhat quirky mixed bag that can be rather hit-and-miss, but which will still be a necessary purchase for SAC and Yoko Kanno fans.

Notable tracks: Be Human, Trip City, Rocky wa Dokko?, Spotter

Reverse Harem of the week: Ichigo Momomiya (Tokyo Mew Mew)

Part-time catgirl, café-worker and defender of the Earth, Ichigo nonetheless had the time to accrue a harem worthy of any magical girl.

Harem

Masaya Aoyama: The “main guy”; Ichigo loved him from the start but nonetheless had to go through the usual phases of angst due to hiding her magical girl identity.

Ryou Shirogane: The cool and calm genius; usually rude to Ichigo but nonetheless goes out of his way to protect her.

Blue Knight: A mysterious warrior who appears to save Ichigo- could he be someone close to her?

Kish: One of the invading aliens, a cheeky prankster with a soft spot for Ichigo.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: Romance of the Three Kingdoms Goes Hentai, you toube star wars

danny phantom anime: Aside from the fact that it’s a US cartoon, how did such a search even reach this blog?

fate/stay night review otaku: Only otaku can be trusted to review Fate.

hentai ad libs: Just make it up as you go along- “oh yes!”.

buso renkin censor 25: Ban this filth!

demonic skulls: I prefer Prism and Galaxy Skulls myself.

manga flames: Manga about flames, or people flaming manga?

waiting… for something that might not: …show up in a Google search.

hentai, manga, download, blog, September: Some people want it all.

how many claymore manga are there: One- it’s called Claymore.

grow fruit in “rpg maker xp”: This is going to be one exciting game.

fat anime: I prefer fat cats.

“trick flower” episode: Who knew Harvest Moon flowers had their own episode?

pleasure shadow gay: I am unfamiliar with SHADOW GAY.

ZIPANG MOVIE+OVA: There’s an anime and manga, but no movie and OVA.

Amusing Spam

“Fountains&Gardens…

I do agree with you here, but still you have to try to see it from other angles….”

It’s hard, you know- I just feel so strongly about fountains and gardens.

“7g brindavan colony ringtones information

The information is successfully classified. Reasonable structure of a site.”

If it’s classified, how am I supposed to read it?

“Hello

Such is life.

cialis levitra”

Now this is what spam should be about- simple and direct.

“muscleman…

The normal everyday fellow would might feel that spending the time to acquire information on this matter is a waste of time….”

True, for he probably won’t become a muscleman.

“anime image…

Hi – maybe this site will help get the message out….”

Everyone, spread the word! Anime image!

“There have been many blogs in my mind which allowed you to ponder upon sundry types of thing which you will be at,though not now.I guess such types of blogs should be raised in blog world including this one.”

This guy listens to the blogs in his mind, and they tell him what to do. Just fyi, this comment was for penis enlargement, and somehow got past Spam Karma 2.

Writers’ meeting to discuss Iroha finale

It’s been a few months now, but the ridiculousness of the Iroha finale has caused it to cycle back into the limelight as we try to imagine just what was going through the writers’ heads as they plotted out the last few episodes.

Head Writer: Okay guys, we’ve got to finish up this series about the Lord’s Head- any ideas?

Writer 1: Well, why don’t we stall for time by including cameos of lots of historical characters?

Writer 2: Yeah, that’ll give those history buffs a real kick- seeing their heroes flash on and off screen for about two seconds.

Head Writer: Well, that will stall for time, but we still need to plot a finale.

Writer: Sir, shouldn’t we use the dango before that?

Head Writer: Oh yes, of course.

All the writers sniff some sweet potato dango powder.

Head Writer: Right, I’m starting to see something- a giant final boss castle!

Writer 1: Where does it come from?

Head Writer: Soutetsu summons it- with switches!

Writer 2: Switches?

Head Writer: Yeah- we can’t just have a huge castle appearing out of nowhere- that would be stupid! Instead, he’ll press switches to make it appear!

Writer 2: Okay, but what should happen in the castle?

Writer 1: Boss battles, of course! Soutetsu, Enomoto, Kakunojo…

Head Writer: Not so fast! We don’t really need a fight with Enomoto, so we’ll just have him collapsing on his desk, and as for Kakunojo- well, we’ll let Akidzuki strip her clothes off.

Writer 3: Well, I guess that will work…but what about Soutetsu?

Writer 1: We have to have a boss battle for him, right?

Head Writer: Of course! We’ll have him activate a boss area through switches and then he can fight Akidzuki!

Writer 2: Hey, the dango just gave me a great idea! Why don’t we include some random old men with giant cups?

Writer 1: I see it too! Then they can make a lightning attack that randomly destroys different parts of Japan!

Head Writer: That’s the spirit! Then at the end, the whole thing dissolves into butterflies! It’s the perfect way to get rid of the castle and let everyone live happily ever after.

Writer 1: Sounds good to me. So, is that it?

Head Writer: Yep, that’s a wrap.

Xtreme Harvest Moon: dangerous farming in extreme conditions

Ever found that Harvest Moon is just a bit too mundane and boring for your Extreme Tastes? Want to farm, but need that extra spice to really get the adrenaline flowing? The our new Xtreme series of Harvest Moon games is just what you’ve been searching for! Here are a few examples of what you can expect from this exciting new product line.

• Natural Disaster Mayhem: Every day, there is a high probability that a tidal wave, volcanic eruption, earthquake, heavy snowfall or lightning strike will completely wreck your farm, forcing you to desperately rebuild before the next disaster occurs.
• Washed Away: In this erosion nightmare, your farm is slowly falling into the sea, and you must strive to save your crops and animals each time their fields start slowly slipping away.
• Stampede: Wild animals regularly devastate your farm, forcing you to recruit villagers to shoot them. Dogs can also be raised to savage attacking creatures.
• Political Problems: your farm is in the middle of a war zone! Beware of minefields, air strikes and getting caught in the crossfire.

New Fist of the North Star OVA 3

The generic crowd brush in GIMP was used to create this scene.

“And that, my friends, is how you turn an old curtain into a fully functioning robe!”

“Is this the right way to have Axe?”

2Excuse me whilst I get undressed for HARD GAY.”

“Excellent- and now I shall take you like a man!”

“Oh yeah!”

“Man that feels good!”

“Watching HARD GAY gets me horny!”

“Come on, go a few rounds with me!”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt other people’s HARD GAY?”

“With abs like these, I can do what I want!”

Short parody: Gundam Seed Destiny

Shinn: Hello, I’m Shinn- I’m the new hero, but I’m upset and angsty because my generic family died.

Athrun: Shut up, Shinn, and let’s make the most of our screen time before Kira shows up.

Shinn: Don’t tell me to shut up! I’m the new hero!

Rey: Shinn, come and service me tonight!

Shinn: Yes, Master.

Rey: I told you to only call me that when we’re alone.

(Rey: I must persuade Shinn that Athrun is evil, lest he leave me for a new partner.)

Shinn: You know, that Athrun guy is pretty hot.

Rey: I don’t know how to break this to you, but Athrun is evil.

Shinn: He is? I hate him!

Lunamaria: Hello, I’m Lunamaria- I’d like to be useful and a good pilot, but I’m a female in a Gundam series, so that can’t happen.

Rey: Stay away from my Shinn, bitch!

Durandal: I must rid the world of anyone less bishie than I. Meer, come and dress up as Lacus for me again.

Heine: I’m Heine- I have no purpose but to tragically die shortly after meeting me!

Athrun: Heine, your HARD GAY was the best! Better than even Miguel! Let’s have a Flashback Mode to remind everyone who Miguel is!

Kira: Everyone, God Mode Kira is here! Bow to my superior skills! Justice! Freedom! Destiny!

(Athrun: Damn, Kira is here to ruin everything again.)

Kira: Special Attack! Bore Viewers With Endless Flashbacks!

The audience is defeated.

This Week in Anime

Alternate futures need alternate fruit.

One is selected for slicing.

“Now, let us bite into it and enjoy its sweetness.”

“Damn, it was bitter! Hated fruit!”

A HARD GAY symbol is outlined against the Moon (Moon!~).

Fruit that doesn’t cooperate is hung out to dry.

Let’s not even ask what this guy is doing.

Monthly Awards

The “I didn’t think it could get better but it did award” for Sheer Brilliance is awarded to Dennou Coil, to be added to its trophy cabinet of plaudits and praise.

The “Back on Track” Award for a Solid Arc Finish goes to Saiunkoku Monogatari, for recovering from its ER phase to give some good character moments.

The Dark Side of Humour for More Unstable Characters than you can shake a stick at goes to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, which is still proving darkly funny whenever it gets subbed.

The Mikoto Award for Lots of Cat Shots and Not Much Else goes to the “not bad, but not what it could have been” Darker than Black.

The “I don’t understand it but I like it anyway” award for confusing plot would once have gone to Mushi-Uta, but is now awarded to Baccano!

The Stylishly Supernatural Award for Slow-Paced but Intriguing Stories goes to Mononoke.

The “Finally making sense” award is at long awarded to Mushi-Uta.

The All-New Ultimate Boredom Beyond Any Boredom Experienced Before is shared between Seirei no Moribito and El Cazador, although Romeo X Juliet and selected episodes of Higurashi made a good effort at dullness.

The Mozarella Award for Pure Cheese goes to the laughably ridiculous Koutetsu Sangokushi.

The Mildly Entertaining Award for Middle of the Road series is shared between Doujin Work, Sisters of Wellber and slow-slow Shounen Onmyouji.

The Shameless Repetition Award for Repeating Events goes to Higurashi, for making us sit through slightly different versions of the same events over and over- how’s that for moneymaking?

Anime World Tour: El Cazador de la Bruja

Welcome to Central America as you’ve never seen it before! Ever since Mexico was taken over by the Amigo Taco confederacy, the place has become even more desert-like than ever before, not to mention filled with diners and dull characters of the week! Highlights include an abandoned hot spring, a collapsed mine, an old industrial site, a dilapidated inn and various other ruins! Remember though, touring these sites of interest can be very draining on the stamina, so be sure to stop by Amigo Tacos for a nutritious meal before you go!

This announcement was brought to you by Amigo Tacos- for a taco you can rely on.

OST spotlight: Asatte no Houkou

Mitsumune Shinkichi is often quoted for his work on Rozen Maiden, but he does an equally good job with Asatte no Houkou, offering a soundtrack that blends the light, breezy feel of summer with more poignant and melancholy elements. From skilled piano themes covering a range of emotions, to his trademark wind synths, each track may be short, but overall it builds a quietly magical atmosphere with some memorable highlights.

Notable tracks: Kumikyoku, Hikari no Kisetsu (TV size), Magokoro, Negai Ishi, Gikochinai Fun”iki, Sabishisa, Totsuzen no Wakare, Kokuhaku, Summer Fantasy I

Mini-editorial: Are there titles everyone should see? Are we better off for having seen them?

There seems to be an expectation that once reaches a certain level of anime fanhood, there are elementary titles that one should definitely have seen- such titles including the likes of Akira, Cowboy Bebop, Evangelion and Ghost in the Shell in its various incarnations. Not seeing them is regarded as something of a crime and perhaps even requires a lessening of one’s status- you may have seen four hundred other anime series, but without those core ones, are you truly qualified?

The question is, then- are there certain titles that everyone absolutely must see? Does it really make that much of a difference if you haven’t spent two hours of your life watching a particular movie? Does Evangelion give us an unmatched perspective on all mecha? Does the original Gundam help us see everything as it is, instead of the way our deluded minds wanted to? And, more than that, are these core titles so important by way of quality or message that not to see them would simply be criminal?

Of course, personally I am known for not including the “everyone loves them” series amongst my ultimate favourites, and whilst it can be helpful to use series that “everyone” has seen to get an idea of another fan’s relative tastes and opinions, at the end of the day, there is no anime that is going to appeal to everyone. I can, in principle, recommend the “classics” or my personal favourites, but having watched a particular handful of series or not should not be taken as the be-all and end-all of someone’s “anime fan level”. No one will suffer a grievous loss from not watching Eva or Akira, and indeed, if such things do not even run to their tastes, their time could be better spent elsewhere.

Harem of the week: Manshiro (Mai-Otome manga)

He may have had to dress as a woman, but apparently that just turned some people on.

Harem

Arika: the cheerful bumpkin, liked “innocently” sleeping in the same bed with Manshiro and became his first Otome.

Nina: Manshiro’s second Otome, the intelligent and accomplished one.

Erstin: Third in the year as far as abilities, and first in terms of breasts- Manshiro’s third Otome.

Nao: Enjoying playing in the shower with Manshiro.

Mikoto: “Investigated” Manshiro’s body on the orders of Sergey.

Rivals

Sergey: The villain of the piece; once threatened to castrate Manshiro if he stepped out of line.

Mashiro: The real Mashiro, also villainous.

Amusing Search Terms

romance of the three kingdoms hard gay: Once again, it is indeed.

mai hime manga sex: What manga were you reading?

doujin events for october 2007: Do I look like I even know these things?

sex 23: What is it with the number 23? Is it because Ritsuka’s teacher still has her ears at age 23?

who is antonio in Romeo X Juliet: I laughed at this one.

Amusing Spam

“gay anime…

I”m new to this…”

I wasn’t sure if this one was actually genuine.

“organic toothpaste, natural toothpaste, organic mouthwash, natural mouthwash, organic dental care, natural dental care…

The vital thing to remember is that you will need to be long-suffering….”

Why, are organic dental products especially painful?

“Incest Young Gay Porn…

Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me :)…”

Then don’t do it.

Anyway, the advantages of attending dance lessons are as follows-

• Women will always, always outnumber men at the lessons. That means you get your pick of single ladies (note: do not try to compete with the good looking male instructor).
• Women will be impressed if you can dance, since it’s a rare skill among men.
• If all goes well, you’ll know how to dance in plenty of time for your wedding.

Ideas for Phantom Brave 2

I know manga disagrees, but I enjoyed Phantom Brave, and yet the basic system was also in need of some improvements. Here are a few suggestions for making Phantom Brave 2, without simply answering “Makai Kingdom”

• Bring back ranged attackers; seriously, what was with the lack of gunners and proper archers (I can hardly count an archer who only has a bow attack when unequipped).
• Add riding animals such as horses for characters to get on and increase their range/attacks.
• Make it easier for a character to extend the number of turns they are on the field through levelling up.
• Encourage use of Putty and Owl types by creating optional maps where only those classes can be used.
• Increase the number of available Boar type classes.

Bokurano: Gonzo endings predicted

By now, we all know that the Bokurano director doesn’t want to permanently kill off all the children, and that as long as it doesn’t involve magic, the mangaka doesn’t mind if the ending is changed. With that in mind, let’s try to guess at how it will turn out.

• The prize for winning the game is to reset the world to how it was at the beginning, or to revive the players (who cares about dead generics).
• When the players signed the contract, they actually fell unconscious and were put into a VR simulation. At the end, they all emerge from pods.
• There is a parallel universe where they are all alive and living happy lives.
• Everyone is just unconscious and sealed inside Zearth until the end.
• It was all a dream Kokopelli had in the shower.

Ayakashi Ayashi

Generic #1 expresses his HARD GAY preference.

“Attractive as you are, I won’t give in to my desire!”

“Could this be a rare woman?”

“Nope, I’m a man too!”

“You can upgrade your Rod as much you want, but it won’t improve your HARD GAY.”

“Usually you just get straight down to the Pleasure.”

The first enemy, Giant Wang, appears.

Monster Pleasure begins.

Giant Wang faces off against another enemy, Multi-Wang.

“Is he our destined HARD GAY partner?”

Monster Pleasure gets taken to the next level.

“I must join in with some Cannon!”

“I told you no good would come of this sort of HARD GAY!”

Giant Wang is defeated.

Multi-Wang strikes again.

Random Thoughts: Shion

This week, we talk to Shion from the Xenosaga games. Shion, can you explain how you got to be a first-class scientist when you seem to be largely incompetent?

Head scientists don’t need to be competent *laughs*- we just let our underlings do the work and take credit for it. Anyway, I initially got my job because my character design was much less generic than anyone else’s.

How do you explain how your character design shifted so much?

Jealous, aren’t you? I just spent some skill points on levelling up my appearance.

Did you create KOS-MOS just for HARD YURI?

No, no- of course not! …How did you know? Did you find the photos? I swear I was only trying that bondage gear on!

Do you ever wish the games had been created as they were initially envisioned, in six spacetime-spanning parts?

No, because then I would have only been in the first game, and I would never have got the appearance upgrade.

And finally- are hot pants the answer to the Xenosaga universe?

Yes- yes they are.

This Week in Anime

“Mmm, good apple.”

“Crispy and sweet.”

Oranges find a new guardian to protect their stronghold.

Don’t like oranges? Try some lemons.

Forget Cup Noodle- try some Cat Noodle.

“I shall prove myself worthy of these olives and meat buns!”

“So I just put it in the backside here, right?”

The Pizza Hut era in Darker than Black begins.

Fruits band together to make an assault on meat.

“Looks like the horse is ready and waiting.”

July Anime Awards

The “Best Anime Ever” for Consistent Quality in the Face of Declining Standards Elsewhere goes to Dennou Coil, the new best anime ever.

The Darkly Comical Award for Finding Amusement in Suicide Attempts goes to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei for its bleak humour.

The ER Award for Longest Medical Arc goes to Saiunkoku Monogatari II.

The “Where are the Answers?” Award for Frustrating Lack of Plot Development goes to Darker than Black.

The “What the Hell is Going On?” Award for a Complete Lack of Sense goes to Mushi-Uta.

The Rail Adventures Award for Train Otaku goes to Tetsuko no Tabi.

The Predictably Amusing Award for Mild Entertainment goes to Doujin Work.

The Insomniac Cure for Dullness is shared between Seirei no Moribito and El Cazador de la Bruja. Watching the former before bed the other night was a good way to induce tiredness.

The On the Rails Award for Standard Adventures goes to Romeo X Juliet and its mining arc.

The HARD GAY Award for Effeminate Males is still held by Koutetsu Sangokushi.

The Inoffensive Award for, well, Inoffensiveness goes to Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai.

HARD YURI corner: Kaleido Star New Wings

Having lost her HARD YURI lover, Sora has to resort to Hyper Self Pleasure until Kalos arranges for her to have STRAIGHT with a new performer, Leon. Unfortunately, Leon decides that rival May is better at STRAIGHT, and Sora is left to continue her Self Pleasure. In desperation, she returns to Layla and even tries Yuri as a partner, but despite her continuing cheerfulness, she cannot land a permanent partner. After much training, however, she is finally worthy of Leon, but choosing him will mean giving up HARD YURI forever in favour of STRAIGHT…

OST spotlight: Fantastic Children

As excellent as the series it accompanies, the Fantastic Children OST uses haunting piano and cello themes alongside some Celtic-style tracks to weave a melancholy and poignant atmosphere. Even if you haven’t watched the series yet (and if you haven’t, why not?), this OST is a must-listen.

Notable tracks: Voyage (Cello version), Befort no Kodomo-tachi, Helga, Helga no Zensei, Helga (Cello version), Sentou, Mizu no Madoromi

Mini-editorial: Acquisition above enjoyment

There comes a stage in every collector’s life where you find yourself buying items at a rate faster than you can appreciate them, be it manga, anime or games. When this happens, one has so many unfinished games, unwatched DVDs or unread books that it isn’t hard to lose interest entirely- after the brief flicker of getting something good in the post, the item in question is merely tossed into the nearest shelf and abandoned. Is this phase inevitable, or will we always end up in a state of buying things to have them rather than to use them? Can we ever recapture the old feelings, even if it means a break from that hobby? I know this factor contributed to the close of my first gaming era, and so in this era, I’m only going to buy games once I’ve finished or definitively abandoned the ones I have.

Harem of the week: Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy 7)

A man of few words and so few accomplishments that he had to claim his best friend’s memories for his own, Cloud nonetheless exuded some kind of pull over women.

Harem

Aeris: The quiet and innocent flower girl with mystical powers, predisposed towards Cloud due to her attraction to Zack.

Tifa: The childhood friend with large “melons”.

Priscilla: The young animal lover who instantly vows to marry Cloud.

Jessie: The chirpy freedom fighter with a penchant for disguises and fake IDs.

Yuffie: The headstrong teen ninja with a flippant attitude.

Barret: He may be a man, but you can go on a date with him at Gold Saucer. He may or may not like giving Cloud “gun”.

Don Corneo: Can be enticed to pick a cross dressing Cloud to spend the night with him, and may even try to land a kiss on him.

Rivals

Zack: Basically Cloud!Original version, he got the girl long before Cloud ever got his hands on her.

Fashion Police: Laharl

Sorry, Disgaea, but the time has come to send the Fashion Police into the Netherworld, and their first target is none other than demon Overlord Laharl. Although a flowing scarf can be used to compensate for a multitude of sins, nothing can completely erase Laharl’s crime of fabric (or rather lack of it). Yes, taken on their own the shorts and shoes are not too bad, but when reconciled with the fact that there’s a lot of skin showing and not really much else to the outfit, the time comes to declare that the heat of the Netherworld is nothing compared to looking well turned-out and presentable.

Fashion sense: D

Amusing Search Terms

You toube is back! I feel as if I’ve been reunited with an old friend.

azure alternative: Offering an alternative to Azure Flame- not reading Azure Flame.

pink toube: Only pink videos allowed

romance, words, thoughts: “I love you”

nanoha parodies: Always wanting more parody.

RPG maker beyblade sprites: Once you mention it, Beyblade never fully goes away

Added a new parody movie to the movies s: Did you? Good for you.

rpg maker xp resources blood: Actually, I did work on some blood splatters a while ago.

virtual sex: Let’s all have a good laugh

watch tenchi forever online: I know they mean the film Tenchi Forever, but it amuses me to think that they want the ability to watch Tenchi indefinitely.

techniques to give a gay man pleasure: As I said before, he likes it from behind.

.hack// incest: Also known as Legend of the Twilight.

anime having sex: Anime can have sex now? Is manga its partner?

“foreign demons”: damn those foreign demons.

what is the code for azure flame: Use the secret knock to gain access to our headquarters.

yuri sora festival: What is this?

toki packaging: Packaging for a clock?

great doctor in romance three kingdoms: This makes me think that Doctor Who is going to visit the Three Kingdoms era…actually, that’s not a bad idea.

anime desire angel: Heavenly Pleasure.

touka broken utawarriors: How can Touka be broken?

gundam seed gay: You know the reason Kira never touched Lacus was because he wanted Athrun.

manga art large boobs: Tenjho Tenge.

gay bold: Better than gay italic.

runner: how does this simple one word search reach my blog?

A guide to anime hair

Anime hair is a strange thing- it completely refuses to obey the normal laws of physics, requiring a whole new set of regulations to be written out for it.\

• Don’t worry about dye- exotic and unlikely colours can and will grow naturally. In fact, in some worlds they are more prevalent than normal hair colours. Bi- or even tri-coloured styles are also possible.
• Hair will only ever grow if the plot demands it; otherwise it just remains in the exact same style indefinitely.
• White or silver hair is not a sign of age, and is in fact desirable if you wish to look evil and mysterious.
• Hair is extremely difficult to damage, to the point where only the most damaging and stressful of situations can have any effect on it.
• When cutting one’s hair, it is imperative to just hack at it with a knife- somehow it will automatically fall into a perfect style.

Starting out in an MMORPG

You’ve just signed up for the latest and greatest MMORPG, and what you want to do now is play, right? Unfortunately for you, the creators have devised a method to ensure that you spend plenty of time and money on the game before you even get to attack your first slime.

• Installing the basic game must take at least 3-5 hours, after which you must download no fewer than three massive update packs. Trying to pause these updates and resume later will usually result in a crash that forces you to start again from the beginning.
• Once you are finally ready to log on, you must create a character from an extensive range of custom classes, as well as choose from a wide range of weapons and armour. For the indecisive, it could take up to three weeks just to settle on all the many customisable options.
• Before actually playing, you must complete a compulsory tutorial field consisting of ten separate missions.

Nodame Cantabile 16

“Are you interested in ‘blowing’ ‘instruments’?”

“This harisen is a representation of my Liang!”

“It has turned many pianists into men.”

“Their first time was painful, but they all thanked me once they had done it.”

“Except for one person, who may have been STRAIGHT.”

Nodame Cantabile 20

The purple roses signify HARD GAY attraction.

“I can’t wait any longer- I need HARD GAY with you!”

“What? Did you just say HARD GAY?”

“Stop teasing me and get your Liang out!”

Short parody: Kaleido Star New Wings

New characters Leon and May arrive.

Leon: Look at my long, lustrous hair- no one is as bishie as me. Sora, you may have completed the Legendary Great Manoeuvre, but you are nothing compared to me- get off the stage.

May: I just got here, but I’m already better than you, Sora! I’m going to be the next star!

Sora: Wait a minute- I’m the main character!

Fool: I’m sorry, but it is time for your angst arc.

Sora and May compete against each other.

Sora: It’s no good- even after proving myself a true star last year, I’m still not a true star!

Leon: Last year you got through on main character destiny alone, but when it comes to basic strength, you are still lacking. Since everyone else here is generic or a supporting character, I shall choose May to be my partner instead.

May: Yay, I’m on stage!

Leon: Oh, by the way, I’m a complete jerk who likes to mess with my partner by randomly dropping her.

Leon drops May, causing both her and Sora not to trust him.

Layla: Hello, I’m randomly back to dispense advice. Sora, even though Leon is a complete jerk, it’s somehow your fault.

Leon and May go to the Circus Festival. Sora decides to see if she can go with Yuri.

Yuri: I know I was evil last season, but that’s water under the bridge- now I’m your friend again.

Sora: Wait, this is only the season halfway point- I can’t win just yet. Instead I must forfeit the competition and enter an angst arc.

Sora goes back to Japan for some angst, before realising her place is on the stage.

Sora: I always thought my place was on the stage, but now I know my place is most certainly on the stage! Not just any stage, though, but a happy fun one full of sunshine and laughter.

Sora returns to Kaleido Stage, but her contract has been terminated.

Sora: It’s okay- I’ll do odd jobs for free! Who cars about living expenses?

Kalos: Fine- it’s just until the plot lets me hire you again, anyway.

Leon: I never respected you before, Sora, but now I see that you may be destined partner after all!

May: Hey, what about me?

Leon: Who are you again?

Leon and Sora start practising for this season’s ultimate move- the Angel’s Manoeuvre.

Fool: If you master this, you will be a True Star!

Sora: What about the Legendary Great Manoeuvre?

Fool: What’s that?

After much training, the Angel’s Manoeuvre is ready, but Layla and Yuri appear to challenge Sora and Leon.

Layla: I know I quit the stage ages ago, but I have randomly returned to challenge you, Sora!

The challenge begins.

Mia: It’s no good- Layla may have years more training, but she lacks Main Character Destiny.

Layla: Sora, you have surpassed me, as a main character should. Now I can retire- again.

This Week in Anime

HORSE is ready and waiting for anyone who wants it.

Clare gets a taste of giant apple.

Red apples are smaller, but by travelling in groups they can hold their own against their giant green cousins.

All sorts of fruits have taken to using this group tactic in order to defend against Big Green.

This is how to conclusively deal with an apple.

June Anime Awards

The Finally Finished Award for Completed Subbing goes to Aria the Natural for coming to an end almost nine months after the series finished airing- at least it was well worth the wait.

The Better than 1337 Award for Consistent Excellence is shared between Darker than Black, Dennou Coil and Emma II.

The Mediocre Looks Good Compared to this Award goes to El Cazador de la Bruja, which might have started improving over the last couple of weeks, but can be said to be exhibiting much in the way of quality.

The Gender Bender Award for Blatant HARD GAY Cross Dressing goes to Koutetstu Sangokushi for its characters of relaxed and undefined gender (what is Liu Bei? Is it a man or a woman?).

The Sumptuous Setting Award for Superior Architecture goes tro Romeo X Juliet, which boasts a nice setting even as we grieve over the loss of HORSE.

The Mustn’t Catch Up Award for Slowing the Pace goes to Saiunkoku Monogatari, as the anime puts on the brakes to prevent itself from catching up with the novels.

The I’ll Read the Manga Instead Award for Losing All Momentum goes to Claymore, now on hiatus after the dull episode eleven as I switch to the manga.

The Where’s The Plot Award for Stagnation goes to Seirei no Moribito, now mired in filler at this early stage.

Anime World Tour: Hunter X Hunter

Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of HxH, a place of bizarre creatures and powerful warriors. To get the most out of this world, learn to control the life energy known as Nen and become a Hunter by passing the yearly exam (details vary each year, so don’t expect any tips). Your Hunter license will earn you access to most places in the world, enabling you to dominate the Celestial Arena battle tower, or test your skills on real life “video game”Greed Island. Be warned, though, the world is currently under threat from the deadly Chimera Ants, so caution is advised when visiting.

OST Spotlight: Final Fantasy VII

Although this is styled along the same lines as the FF6 OST, the move to Playstation sees the music taken to the next level with some slightly more complex themes. As is often the case, the energetic battle music and poignant slower themes are the most memorable, whilst the military style tracks are the weakest. It’s somewhat rough around the edges, and can’t really match up to the later FF OSTs, but amidst some of the more pedestrian looping themes, a rare gem emerges. You’ll probably want to pick and choose your favourites instead of listening to the whole thing over and over.

Notable tracks: Prelude, Fighting, Flowers Blooming in the Church, Still More Fighting, Electric de Chocobo, J-E-N-O-V-A, Aeris’ theme, Jenova Absolute

Mini-rant: Damn you, Manga Entertainment

I rarely buy UK Region 2 DVDs anymore, but I do rent them regularly, and so it is that I must rant about the annoying defects in quality on DVDs released by Manga Entertainment- a company who promised to put in quality control in 2006 as if it was some new and innovative concept, but who actually showed no improvement even after that point.

For those who prefer dubs, Manga will not seem too bad, but switch to the subtitles, and problems begin to crop up. For starters, on-screen text is rarely translated, meaning that important plot points may well be left incomprehensible to the vast majority of viewers. What subtitles are proved are all too often riddled with errors such as inconsistent naming, whilst the now-infamous fifth volume of GITS: SAC has the text encased in irritating black bars- an error that was not even fixed in the thinpak release as promised.

Such annoyances may seem small, and indeed there are bigger things to worry about in the world, but after watching several Manga Ent. DVDs in a row, their lax approach to subtitle quality can become hard to ignore. Is it no wonder that people continue to import?

In Your Reflection

This week we take a look at two similar villains- Cell from Dragonball Z, and King from the Chimera Ant arc of Hunter X Hunter. Aside from their physical similarities, both are designed to be superior beings effectively completed from “lesser” allies (Cell needed to absorb two androids, King was born from Queen), who the heroes must eventually fight.

Fashion Police: Kharg

Last week his brother came under fire, but this time around we look at Arc: Twilight of the Spirits’Kharg, who may have gotten away with a more human appearance, but who has little in the way of dress sense. The arm guards and boots may be more dull than offensive, but choice of colours in the tunic leaves little to be desired, and the less said about those hideous shorts, the better. Why must heroes insist on wearing these schoolboy length shorts?

Fashion sense: E

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: rumble roses doujinshi, hard yaoi, you toube, your toube

azureflame romance: tj han is looking for romance among the female bloggers again.

common puny owl archer “phantom brave”: Make up your mind, although I commend you for playing Phantom Brave.

hard gay costume: Take your pick, but make sure it unbuttons at the rear.

.Hack G.U. hentai: Again?

how to start a diary farm: A diary about the farm, or a farm where one grows diaries?

Removing a bikini: shouldn’t be too hard if you’re the one wearing it, otherwise I can’t guarantee your safety.

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Initiation Harem: Someone wants some harem action.

ginga densetsu weed party stuff: Hey, want to come to my Weed themed party? We’re all going to dress as brown dogs.

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“pipe fox” plushie: How cute.

meaning of cat soup: Cat Soup only has meaning when one is taking mind-altering substances.

anime with magical violin: That’ll be La Corda d’Oro then, unless there are more magical violins out there.

gay-and-horse: HARD GAY and HORSE- every man’s ideal combination.

spells to repel evil: Evil begone!

dragon ball z hard yaoi: Someone’s really into this.

best beyblades spinning tops: Let’s Beyblade!

The lesson we must learn from this week is not to write Tuesday Rumble at the very last minute- but would you have noticed if I hadn”t mentioned it?

A guide to WOOD

Whilst the better characters take down the enemy soldiers, Hakuoro prepares himself for battle with that deadliest of foes- inanimate WOOD.

Ever since it made its debut appearance in Utawarerumono, WOOD (as opposed to plain old wood) has proven itself of a silent yet undeniable importance in the worlds of anime and gaming. Here’s a brief guide to its uses and appearances.

• In SRPGs, obstacles made of WOOD often appear, and have a variety of uses, from blocking the progress of your units to acting as equippable items. As much as it can be a deadly foe, WOOD can also be a powerful ally- for example, in Phantom Brave one can do damage in the hundreds with merely a wooden crate equipped.
• WOOD’s presence in anime tends to be more silent and unobtrusive, but even so it seems to provoke the ire of certain characters. SaiMono’s Soujun detested WOOD after he realised it was more erudite and attractive than he was, and often smashed tables and chairs for no reason. Other characters will often smash wooden objects in the heat of the moment.
• WOOD takes on especial importance in the world of Harvest Moon, where Anton must learn to chop it with his axe- out of need rather than any personal grudge. Similarly, RTS games such as Warcraft rely on units chopping WOOD for lumber.
• In fantasy worlds such as that of FFIX, advanced technology is not permitted- unless of course it is made of WOOD. Even airships can be made of it.

Parodying SaiMono Fanfiction

• Ryuuki stared out at the practice field with undisguised lust. Seien ani-ue had been the first one to enter his lonely life to show him that Pleasure could be gentle, and now that they had found each other again, he longed to pick up where they had left off. Drinking in his brother’s rippling muscles, the Emperor found his gaze drawn inevitably downwards, and felt a thrill of pleasure when he imagined being impaled on Seiran’s mighty Sword.
• “Ouch!”exclaimed Seiran as Ensei got out his weapon. “Your Staff is far too long to be waving it around like that!”

“I’m sorry,” replied Ensei, “but it’s been so long since we were last alone like this- you can’t blame me for not being able to control myself.”

• Staring down at his naked body, Eigetsu tried to console himself. “The situation isn’t so bad that I’ve had to resort to Hyper Self Pleasure, it really isn’t. I’m just satisfying Yougetsu’s desires, that’s all.”
• Reishin had waited so long for this day- in fact, it was the only reason he had taken the boy in in the first place. He had carefully supervised Kouyuu’s growth and development, ensuring that the young man never grew too interested in women; in fact, he was utterly delighted that Kouyuu seemed to actively dislike them. And now the time had come for all his hard work to pay off. “Draw your Sword, boy,” he commanded his adoptive son, “and we’ll see how much of a man you are.”

Shining Tears X Wind 4

If only the weather was so easily controlled in this world.

Wait a minute- wasn’t this a fantasy world?

“You may know it as technology, but demonic alchemy sounds more evil.”

From out of nowhere, a laser cannon appears.

Quite. Now can the series end, please?

There’s always a Lord of Chaos causing trouble somewhere.

Commence Souma’s Question Time!

Next episode: some Elf on Elf action.

Random Thoughts: Anna

This week, we catch up with Anna from Chevalier!

Anna, was it ever hard being the fiancée of a man who was so obviously HARD GAY?

Sorry, could you repeat the question? I thought I heard you say that d’Eon was HARD GAY, which can’t possibly be true.

Oh, sorry, my mistake. Well then, how did you feel when d’Eon and the others left you in France with barely any screen time?

Well, I had to come up with reasons for screen time, like writing letters to him and making sure to be in the background of any plot-related scenes back in France. It wasn’t ideal, but I did the best I could; I just don’t understand why d’Eon never wrote back to me.

I hope you don’t mind my bringing up painful memories, but why didn’t you run from Louis when he was slowly walking towards you with his sword in hand?

I was going to run away, but the director called me to say my contract with the show was up, and I was just so shocked that I couldn’t move.

And finally, what happened to your plans for a spin-off show with the Dauphin?

Oh, that’s still in the works, but Broglie seems to be delaying the process for some reason.

This Week in Anime

Shameless advertising in El-Cazador as the Noir and Madlax buildings are spotted (offering female Sword and Coca-Cola respectively).

“These fruits are just trying to live!”

“My magic CCTV setup is ranked among the best in the world!”

conference between grapes and lemons (as mediated by an apple) is rudely interrupted.

Oranges arrive in SaiMono land.

Anime Awards

Slowest subbed anime of the era goes to Love GetChu, for being behind series subbed this year.

Most sitting and talking of the week goes to Seirei no Moribito, as it continues to keep exposition as its stock in trade.

HARD YURI corner: Kaleido Star

When Sora Naegino joins the Kaleido Stage, she quickly learns the ways of American HARD YURI. Whilst contenting herself with partners Mia and Anna, Sora lusts after star Layla Hamilton, and after a great effort, manages to gain her recognition, tearing her away from a STRAIGHT relationship with Yuri Killian. Sora and Layla enjoy a brief yet pleasurable partnership before Layla injures herself in the bedroom, forcing her to retire from HARD YURI.

Whilst searching for a new partner, Sora once again makes do with her friends, as well as child prodigy Rosetta. Will she find happiness with a new HARD YURI partner, or has the time come to go STRAIGHT? Find out when New Wings makes it into HARD YURI corner.

OST spotlight: Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto OST 2

A series second OST always has a hard job in following the first, but Iroha does a good job, offering a solid soundtrack that pretty much equals the first. With its period flavour and mix of atmospheric action tracks and slower pieces, Iroha continues to evoke the best of other soundtracks such as the Uta game and SaiMono, whilst standing above both those examples. There’s still the obligatory remix of the main theme, but if you enjoyed the first OST, the second is required listening.\r\n

Notable tracks: Kumikyoku Irohanihoheto ~Soutetsu~Youjirou~Kakunojou, Kouya Ruten TV Size, Yami no Kodou, Tsurugi no Sadame, Houkai

Mini-editorial: No room for B and C titles?

A couple of weeks ago, ADV told us there was no room financially to license B and C grade anime titles, a fact I made fun of on Sunday when we learned that they had licensed Xenosaga. Whilst it is obvious that no company would want to license something they would most likely make a loss on, the irony of ADV saying this is laughable at best. What kind of person considers Samurai Gun, Yugo the Negotiator, Coyote Ragtime Show, Gokujou Seitokai and Xenosaga A grade titles? Pumpkin Scissors and Red Garden at least have the name Gonzo behind them, regardless of their actual quality, but can ADV really be said to be harvesting the cream of the crop? Yes, they are putting out some very good titles, such as PPD, Chevalier, Kurau (which I would consider A-grade, but was treated poorly in terms of waiting three years after licensing to get released) and now Air, but it seems clear that despite what they say, ADV have far from learned their lesson about not licensing any old crap. Then again, what can we expect from the instigators of the Hurai Suzumiya incident?

Harem of the week: Daisuke Niwa (DNAngel)

As if periodically turning into a Phantom Thief after his fourteenth birthday wasn’t enough, Daisuke just didn’t seem to know which girl to choose- and it didn’t help that there was a boy after his affections too.

Harem

Riku Harada: The quiet and stoic one- comes from behind to steal our hero’s heart.

Mio Hio: The annoying and flamboyant one with a tendency to slip into Engrish; an artificially created life form whose feelings for Daisuke enable her to perform a bit of dues ex machine at the end.

Towa: The Eternal Guide and (much) older woman, becomes the Niwa family’s maid and also seems interested in Daisuke’s grandfather.

Risa Harada: The initial lead girl, usually quite shallow and selfish.

Satoshi Hiwatari: He may be male, but he seems to have an interest in staying close to Daisuke.

Rivals

Dark: The Phantom Thief who resides in Daisuke’s body, plays with Risa’s affections.

Krad: Dark’s nemesis, not so much interested in girls as just causing trouble.

Takeshi Saehara: Daisuke’s friend and classmate; quickly gets a crush on Mio.

Fashion Police: Darc

This week the Fashion Police have started their cleanup of the Arc: Twilight of the Spirits world, beginning with the half-human, half-Deimos anti-hero Darc. Not blessed with the best of looks to begin with thanks to his mixed heritage, choosing a questionable mixture of sandals, armour that protects the chest even as it leaves the abdomen exposed, and some sort of scarf/beach towel combination that passes as a kilt. The poor guy did try to redeem himself with wings in the first chapter of the game, but sadly they got ripped off.

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: hard yaoi, yaoi episode hard, you toube sex gay, ship videos you toube

badass manly anime review marimite: MariMite, a show truly overflowing with testosterone.

hige nipples: Hige, someone’s after your nipples.

“amigo tacos” nadie: See the power of advertising- now everyone wants a taste of Taco Taco Tacos, Oishii Tacos.

underage lovers: keep your tastes to yourself.

“Yu Gi Oh”+card+appraisals+current: Yep, that’s me, a veritable fountain of up to the minute Yu-Gi-Oh information.

Lost episode 24 ending theme: Wait, shouldn’t you at least have gone to my other blog? Not that it has music information.

flamed tops boys were: don’t kept me in suspense!

Harvest moon – How do you pick up the di: Diaper? Diamond? Diplodocus?

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dark days anime: Those were dark days, almost chaotic, one might say.

+school rumble +yuri: Ah yes, that simmering attraction between Mai and Sarah.

anime cleaners: An exciting tale of cleaners, told across 26 episodes. Will they scrub the toilet first, or leave that task until later?

anime year ago: We have regular years, and anime years.

fate stay night h-scene sound: You sick pervert, you just want to hear Rin moan, don’t you?

.hack//gu Yuri: Come on, surely there are better places to look for yuri.

how to pleasure a gay lover: He likes it from behind.

rotk hentai: “Yes, your Liang is certainly Zhuge,” whispered a pleased Liu Bei…

self-pleasure art: I may have started drawing again, but not that.

If your sensibilities are not easily offended, you may find Sexy English amusing. A video intended to help Japanese speakers learn slang terms for intercourse and genitalia, it doesn’t show anything explicit, but it should still be considered NSFW.

Oh, and apparently a Tsubasa OVA has been announced. The only hope for it being any good is to not have Bee Train “animate” it (then again, Production I.G.’s Tsubasa movie was hardly stellar).

Bug Master revisited

41 weeks ago, the very first Tuesday Rumble brought us Bug Master, an imaginary edited version of Mushishi. Now we return to expand on that idea with the 4Kids version: Bug Master ~Gotta Catch ‘Em All!

An aspiring young Bug Master, Ginko longs to catch every type of Bug and become the number one Bug Master in the New York league. To that end, every week he travels around the woods and forests of America, meeting up with good American folk and collecting the Bugs he needs to enter the end of series Bug tournament! Thought you already watched “Bug Master”? Think again, because this features all-new dialogue and retooled footage!

Avoiding death: the funniest Yu-Gi-Oh edits

Everyone knows that death and religion don’t exist in America, so they have to be edited out to prevent kids from learning about them. In this article, I don’t even have to make anything up, because we’re about to delve into the dubbed Yu-Gi-Oh archives (without the annoying voices) in order to pick out some of the most hilarious edits.

Original: Kaiba’s father fell (or was he pushed?) out of a window, and didn’t survive the experience.

Edited: Kaiba’s father mysteriously disappeared without a trace.

Original: Yugi and Kaiba play against two opponents on a glass panelled rooftop wired to explode and send whoever loses their life points plummeting to their deaths.

Edited: When the glass panels explode, the loser now falls into the Shadow Realm.

Original: Marik’s father has just whipped Rishid into unconsciousness, causing Dark Marik to emerge and kill his father.

Edited: Marik’s father has just weakened “Odion” with the Millennium Rod off screen, causing Dark Marik to emerge and send his father to the Shadow Realm.

Original: Mai’s parents died when she was young.

Edited: Mai’s parents were never home for some unspecified reason.

Original: Amelda and his brother Miruko live in a war torn country where Gozaburo Kaiba appears to be supplying weapons to both sides. Miruko is killed in an explosion.

Edited: Alistair and Mikey live in an area that has just been bought up by Gozaburo Kaiba. When Kaiba goons try to force them out, Mikey is “taken” (or was that his mother?).

Original: Raphael’s parents and siblings were killed when a tidal wave struck the cruise ship they were on whilst he is marooned on a deserted island. He later digs up his siblings’ skulls in a graveyard.

Edited: Raphael is washed overboard by the tidal wave, and by the time he is rescued from the island, they have forgotten about him (isn’t this crueller?). He digs up an evil duel disk at the graveyard.

Original: Valon beats up some thugs.

Edited: No such beating occurs.

Darker than Black 7

“Thank you for this Pleasure.”

“No problem.”

“I’m very experienced in the ways of Pleasure.”

“…and more importantly, I enjoy myself doing it.”

Dennou Coil 1

“You’re lowering the tone of the show!”

You can’t argue with that.

Sisters of Wellber 3

“No one is more skilled than he is when it comes to Pleasuring a lover with Crossbow.”

“Men have their Crossbows, but we girls prefer Gun!”

“Actually, I’m not familiar with Gun.”

“Looks like his Crossbow isn’t performing up to expectations anyway.”

Random Thoughts: Haseo

Today we chat with Haseo, angsty hero of .hack//Roots and .hack//GU!

Haseo, what made you sign up to The World in the first place?

I know you want me to say I’m a friendless loser with nothing better to do, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I have a bustling social life- why just last week someone sent me a text message, and it wasn’t even a wrong number! So anyway, yeah, I just wanted to keep up with the latest trends, you know?

Did you ever feel like an idiot, paying to sit around and mope in an MMORPG when you could have just done it in your room for free?

That’s not sitting and moping! It’s introspection, a vital part of character development. I guess not everyone can understand its complexity, though.

How would you answer accusations that your World is ugly and inferior to the original?

You’ve got a lot of nerve even asking me that after featuring me on your Fashion Police section. You people from 2007 just can’t understand the finer points of fashion in my time.

Was there ever anything between you and Tabby?

I can’t deny I like catgirls, but Tabby wasn’t my type- I’m more of a Shino man myself. Although that being said, no man would refuse a close-up of Pai’s assets, am I right?

You went from zero to hero pretty quickly- what was the secret of your success?

Thanks to a clause in my contract, Bee Train weren’t actually allowed to film me during action scenes (some stupid health and safety issue, I think). So all the time I wasn’t on camera, I was actually fighting some really exciting battles and levelling up. I wish you could have seen them, but there’s nothing on record.

And finally, is the sword in your Brandish form trying to compensate for something?

I’m going to hit you in a minute.

This Week in Anime

Strawberries achieve new proportions.

An apple is no match for Ukyo.

After merging with a doughnut company, McDonalds decides to go in for a rebranding.

Watermelon is never far from the screen come the summer.

And here it is in its natural environment.

Anime Awards

Most appreciated animal of the week is the HORSE, which provides Pleasure to many a group of anime heroes.

Most extended exposition scene of the week goes to Seirei no Moribito episode 8, for its lengthy scene with the Evil Men and the Blacksmith. Apparently it was a complex and interesting exploration of the finer uses of exposition, so I must have missed something.

Most HARD GAY episode of the week goes to Koutetsu Sangokushi episode 8, an episode so HARD GAY that it makes the rest of the series look STRAIGHT.

Game World Tour: Phantom Brave

Welcome to the world of Ivoire, a beautiful scattering of islands in a clear blue sea, which has recently entered a time of peace thanks to the defeat of Dark Lord Sulphur. Although conditions in such places as southern Frigidia or the northern deserts may be a little extreme for some, feel free to visit the more temperate central islands. Enjoy the bustling city life in Windmill Promontory, Vapor Island and Bamboo Company, or the quiet villages of Terra Firma, but make sure to take a guide whenever you venture into the wilderness, as monsters abound. We recommend contacting Marona of Phantom Isle if you require assistance in getting around.

OST spotlight: Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto OST 1

As befits a series set in the Bakumatsu era, the first of Iroha’s two OSTs encapsulates the period feel with its style and instrumentation, but manages to largely avoid those droning themes we tend to associate with Japanese festivals and theatre. Instead, despite an extensive reliance on the series’ prime theme, it manages to create a atmospheric set of tracks with just the right flavour. I’d certainly rate it far above similar OSTs such as SaiMono for its ability to hold worth even outside of the context of the series.

Notable tracks: Shizuku, Doukoku no Haguruma, Shinen no Kousaku, Shannai Kurabu, Shinnen

Mini-editorial: the end of the world as we know it?

Picking up where last week left off, the time has come to question whether the release of a “questionable” anime or manga cause the apocalypse to arrive as the media picks up on it and slams the hotbed of evil that is anime and manga.

Although ideally people would be sensible enough not to tar every piece of Japanese media with the same brush, it would be not unlike the media to sensationalise the “evil of Japanese cartoons” if it got the chance- yet even so, would it magically vanish entirely from the Western world? Video games are constantly being blamed for all kinds of terrible misdeeds, yet they have hardly vanished. Would licensing companies stand idly by and let their profits dry up? Is it common to watch adult titles and then randomly broadcast the fact that “today I watched tentacle demons raping young women! Yay for me!”?

In short, even if anime and manga ends up with negative press attention for a time, it is largely bound to die down as it always does, and whilst it may put off new fans and children still dependent on reactionary parents, many fans will probably carry on largely undeterred.

In Your Reflection

This week we focus on three “stoic dark-hair and easygoing blonde” relationships. First up are Tsubasa Chronicle’s Fye and Kurogane, one a light-hearted mage with a hidden dark side, the other a gruff and committed samurai. Next in line are Ouran’s Honey and Mori, one a laid back lover of sweets with hidden karate skills, the other a quiet “stoic type” who always accompanies him. Finally, we have the newcomers Francisco and Curio, a light-hearted lady-killer who may have further depths, and his extremely dull friend.

Fashion Police: Toya

I won’t deny that Toya is bishie (moreso in the manga), but what were the animators thinking when they dressed him in this? Aside from the bare torso, the choice of colours is questionable and too clashing for its own good, whilst the coat isn’t sure whether it wants to be short or long.

Fashion sense: C-

Amusing Search Terms

What happened to “you toube” again?

Old favourites: hard yaoi, toube pr0n

last exile hentai: “Would you like a ‘ride’ on my ‘vanship’? he whispered in her ear.

Yumizuka Wallpaper: I don’t even know who that is, let alone have a relevant wallpaper.

“futanari lesbians”: This may become an old favourite soon.

“.hack//roots” “OST” “download” “free”: the use of quote marks amused me here.

goku yaoi: Not again.

buso renkin plot: Was it really so complex that you needed to look it up on the internet?

ikkitousen big breast: Booby bombs!

el cazador de la bruja boring: too right it is.

door-to-door salesmen with soda: Forget Pizza Hut, soda is the new in-thing.

soda hime: See, there’s even a princess of soda.

chained up, chained up in the dark: Someone’s looking for bondage ideas.

SHOW EVERY BEYBLADE POWER: I DON’T WANT TO.

“the way” “episode 6″ rpg maker: Wasn’t The Way some religion in Andromeda?

mokkun plushie: Let me know if one exists.

range weapon in rpg maker xp -2003 -2002: When the countdown reaches zero, I want that ranged weapon!

do gay men like three in a bed sessions: better ask some gay men.

games where you can start were you left: It’s called saving, and it’s a really great innovation.

Anime Parodies gay: people actually search for this now?

The Future of Seirei no Moribito
As is beginning to become apparent, for all that it has been largely enjoyable, Seirei no Moribito is somewhat lacking in much in the way of a plot. With this is mind, just what is going to fill later episodes? Here are some suggestions.

• Everyone sits and talks in Tanda’s hut.
• Balsa polishes her spear, whilst talking to Torogai, Tanda and Chagum.
• Torogai talks to herself.
• Shuga reads some literature in the archives.
• Tanda talks to some customers about herbs.
• Balsa has a long talk with a shopkeeper before buying some minor items.
• The Eight Evil Men sit around planning an ambush.

How to create a strategy RPG
A while back, we covered what it took to make a classical RPG, but what are the essential steps when making an SRPG? There may still be a Lord of Darkness for intrepid heroes to fight, but how should they go about it in this instance?

• The lead must wield a sword, or failing that, a close-range melee weapon. S/he will have unique attacks and a weak healing spell, and generally be the best front line attacker.
• Archer classes are either completely useless weaklings or strong “own-all” characters who deal out massive punishment.
• Enemy mages are always incredibly powerful with long range spells the hit multiple characters, but your mages are weak and difficult to level up since they usually die early on. The same goes for any beast monsters you may be able to recruit.
• If you ever get to control generics or have a third allied faction on the battlefield, they will never be anything more than cannon fodder.
• Major and final bosses must always be giant monsters who can never move from their spot.
• There will always be a skilled swordsman who is either an enemy or NPC ally that every player wishes they could recruit for their team.
• Optional maps will always be incredibly difficult and require hours of painstaking levelling up.

Alias and Lost references in Darker than Black

The first mention of Alias is made…

…followed up by its sister series Lost.

Havoc’s red hair echoes the wig that Sydney wore in the first episode of Alias.

She’s even worked for the CIA, just as Sydney did.

“My name’s Jack Bristow, er, Shephard, no, sorry it’s Simon.”

Short parody: Sisters of Wellber 1-3

Rita stabs the prince.

Rita: Get away from me! I don’t want STRAIGHT.

Eventually she meets up with Tina.

Tina: It’s all right, Rita, we can have HARD YURI together- and even a bit of HORSE on the way.

Tank: Don’t forget about me! I’m a talking tank, straight from the set of Pumpkin Scissors!

Shirley: And me, a small green fairy from Berserk!

The two women begin their journey.

Rita: Hmm, it’s not like the whole country is looking for me- I’ll just go into town dressed as I am.

Villain: Gwakaka, I am secretly Parkes from Iroha! Capture the princess!

Rita: Stay back, or I’ll get you with my incredibly short dagger!

Tank: Tank ex machine! Save the day mode!

The day is saved.

Rita: Now to randomly hack off all my hair, leaving me with a haircut better than any stylist can give me!

The women continue onwards to Market Town. They meet up with a woman.

Woman: I have paid a lot of money for screen time in this episode!

Tina: Okay, we’ll play along with your story.

The woman takes them to a church, last seen in FF7.

Mayor: Not so fast, for I am evil- and I have a cigar too!

Woman: Cower in fear at my tragic past, Mayor! Years ago, Sephiroth burned down my village!

After a tactical battle, some documents are found.

Mayor: Give those to me- they contain details of exciting HARD GAY techniques.

The church is set on fire.

Rita: We should probably run away about now.

Tina: No, let’s just stand around aimlessly.

Rita: I know, why don’t we climb up that bell rope and escape out of the window.

Tina: I have a better idea- I’ll shoot the bell rope so that the church bell crashes down on us and protects us from the flames!

Rita: Won’t it get unbearably hot inside a bell made of conductive metal?

Tina: Don’t argue about physics- we’re main characters!

In his office, the mayor laughs evilly.

Mayor: Gwakaka, I have won!

Tina: Not so fast, Mayor! Thanks to these photos of you and the vicar in bed together, you’re about to be placed under arrest.

Mayor: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I had the perfect plan, and I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling main characters!

This Week in Anime

Fresh fruit, still on the vine.

Chairman Durandal realises that oranges are edible.

The relationship between Sunrise and pizza goes back a long way.

Imagawa Pizza rises up to challenge Pizza Hut and Domino’s.

Anime Awards

Cross dressers of the week: this prize goes to the male leads of SaiMono, for their adventures in the manga volume two side story.

Most Unimpressive Fight Scene of the Week would go to El Cazador if it had any scenes that could be classed as fights, but instead goes to Claymore for the repetitive sword slashing and panning over stills.

Worst Machinery of the Week goes to Wellber for its talking tank- somehow I just can’t bring myself to like it.

Anime World Tour: Aria

Welcome to the world of Aqua, a water planet filled with sights to delight any and all tourists! Book an undine (gondolier) from the Aria, Himeya or Orange Planet companies and explore the many sights of Neo Venezia, recreated in the image of the original Venice! Or venture further out for more unique locations, from traditional Japanese shrines to the technology of the Floating Island! Whether you want to join in New Year celebrations, experience the high tide of Aqua Alta or just catch a glimpse of the legendary cat Cait Sith, we guarantee that there are plenty of sights to see no matter what time of year you visit! But don’t feel compelled to rush around- sometimes the best things come to those who sit and wait…

OST spotlight: Final Fantasy IX

Final Fantasy music continues to evolve in this OST, which adopts a more Celtic and medieval feel than the last couple of offerings in the series. Although the synths are still ever-present, there are some strong piano themes and distinctive mystical tracks mixed in amongst the obligatory filler. Unfortunately, a few potentially worthy themes are diminished by being looped too many times.

Notable tracks: Feel My Blade, Vamo alla Flamenco, Awakened Forest, Battle 1, Kuja’s Theme, Eternal Harvest, Loss of Me, Protecting My Devotion, Terra, Bran Bal the Soulless Village, You’re Not Alone, Dark Messenger

Worthiness: Whilst many of the tracks are forgettable, there’s a solid centre of worthy themes that leave a positive impression overall.

Mini-editorial: Chiming in on the Kodomo no Jikan uproar

It can’t have escaped many people’s notice that the Answerman-provoked debate about the “evils” of Kodomo no Jikan/Nymphet ultimately ended with Seven Seas cancelling the English language release of the series. There have already been many vocal opinions about this, and for some reason it seemed to fit this part of the post to talk about it.

Like many people on certain forums, I haven’t actually read KnJ, and so I can’t say with reliability whether the content is harmless comedy or the catalyst for the next doomsday (ironically, thanks to all the furore, I may actually read it even though I wasn’t initially interested in it). I’m certainly not into loli myself, but since there are no sex scenes and nothing illegal occurring in this manga, is it really the evil to end all evil? If you find it disturbingly close to child exploitation, then don’t touch it, but is fair to tar people who may read it for the comedy as closet molesters? I don’t particularly care for the panty shots in Ichigo Mashimaro, but I read it because it is an amusing slice-of-life series, not because I want to be Nobue with a harem of little girls to look after.

Even so, ultimately it is up to Seven Seas what they want to release, and if they don’t see the benefit in putting out a particular series, that’s their call. That being said, their handling of the license should be called into question; the license was announced a long time ago, yet it was only recently that the content was deemed unsuitable- isn’t such laxity of attention just asking for trouble? Couldn’t they have at least kept quiet about the license until they had verified the content? It may not directly affect me, but it’s a disappointment for all those “evil” people who pre-ordered volume one.

Next week: would a title like this cause the end of the world as we know it?

Harem of the week: Keiichi Morisato (Ah! My Goddess)

He accidentally phoned up for a goddess and ended up with several living at his house- and while not all of them qualify as romantic harem members, their presence in his life cannot be denied.

Harem

Belldandy: The doormat and main romantic interest, seems to have been created for the sole purpose of pining after Keiichi.

Urd: The sexy and seductive older woman.

Skuld: The loli inventor who claims to hate Keiichi.

Sayoko: The seductive rich girl, her advances on Keiichi are an attempt to upstage Belldandy.

Megumi: The little sister, she seems almost too protective of her brother.

Peorth: The bondage queen, and most forward of the girls.

Fashion Police: Seiryu

A while ago, Guren/Mokkun came under fire from the Fashion Police, and now his fellow Spirit Summon Seiryu needs attention. A walking catalogue of fashion disasters, Seiryu combines bare chest, knees and feet with a pointless scarf arrangement and laughable arm and leg guards- not mention the necklace and numerous other features. Aside from perhaps the hair, there isn’t one redeeming feature.

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: hard yaoi, you toube

mai otome zwei ova 3 breasts: We can see how Mai-Otome fans look for the sort of depth and complexity that only this series can offer.

charades prompt: this again?

rpg maker xp harvest moon script: I actually do want to make an HM style game in RPG Maker, with pigs and a slaughterhouse.

gay harem: see my parodies for ideas.

Does Shino love Ovan?: No, she only wants him for his oven.

how to draw futakoi alternative character: Er, get reference pictures, and draw/copy?

acid anime: An anime about acid.

what does it mean roses in flame?: I guess it means singed petals.

buy beigoma: Seriously?

hard gaymen: Is this like Devilman, but HARD GAY?

Doujin B-Daman: I didn’t know B-Daman was even popular enough for people to bother making doujinshi.

Piccolo/Goku yaoi: Isn’t this scraping the barrel a bit?

2007 beyblade tournaments around the world: Let’s Beyblade!

Mai HiMe tentacle: For some people, it’s the most memorable part.

harvest moon popuri manga: If Harvest Moon gets its own manga, Hung can’t call it off-topic anymore.

manga witch: Another specific search.

twelve kingdoms episode in order: I suggest starting with episode 1, then watching episode 2, and so forth.

manga breast grope: just grow a pair of man-melons and feel your own.

y.cube.it: ?

Further Extracts from the Book of HARD GAY: Who to sleep with in Iroha world

• Akidzuki: a master of the Sword, Akidzuki is a staunch supporter of classic HARD GAY, and refuses to contemplate variations. Nonetheless, he offers the solid experience expected of a main character.
• Soutetsu: one of the pioneers of BI, Soutetsu is highly skilled, but his continual drive for new techniques may put off those who don’t like to get experimental in the bedroom.
• Shiranui: another supporter of BI, Shiranui seems to be more inclined towards women these days, but those who can offer him a good experience will surely gain his attention.
• Zagashira: an older man, and quite a pedestrian partner.
• Kanna: a master of Gun, Kanna’s skill is near unsurpassed in the realms of HARD GAY, but later in the series he is tempted to the BI side despite a bad experience with women earlier in life.
• Nakaiya: a staunch follower of the Gwakaka school of villainy, Nakaiya prefers his passion to be red hot and burning. Don’t worry about giving him a fatal dose of Pleasure- he’ll be fine by the next morning.
• Chess Piece Team: although they do contain one woman, the males of the team offer an explosive BI experience.
• Parkes: with his knowledge of English HARD GAY techniques, Parkes may not be the most attractive of partners, but he has unique skills that the Japanese partners cannot offer.
• Glover: another master of foreign HARD GAY, Glover usually prefers to save himself, but can be convinced to take action if Gun is involved.
• Enomoto: with the aphrodisiac power of the Lord’s Head, Enomoto can seduce entire armies of men in a single session, but of late he has been distracted by both BI and the idea of creating a republic with those who have mere Ezos. If you feel too small for other partners, choose him.
• Saiga: a sniper with expert knowledge of Gun. He is painstakingly meticulous in the bedroom.
• Hijikata: another supporter of pure HARD GAY, Hijikata offers a solid experience.
• Tetsunosuke: although he does not have the same prominence here as in Peacemaker, Tetsunosuke has already gained a good grasp of Sword even at his young age. Hardly a first choice partner, but good if no other options are available.
• Kakashi: a typical strong-man, intense the bedroom but rarely original or exciting.
• Katsu: ever since the death of Ryouma, Katsu seems disillusioned towards HARD GAY, with only the most skilled of partners able to catch his eye and persuade him to take them to his bed.
• Ryouma: although he is already dead by the time the series begins, Ryouma is worthy of note as a skilled man of HARD GAY who set many men on the path of true HARD GAY. He seemed disinterested in BI, yet tolerant of those who practised it.
• Okita: a sickly man, one should take care with Okita, lest he die in the throes of intense passion.
• Shoten: an old man, Shoten claims his Liang is barely functional, and is only up for the gentlest of HARD GAY sessions.
• Hario: a rough and unrefined partner in the bedroom, albeit a powerful one. Best for those who prefer intensity over finesse.
• Shinza: Shoten’s assistant, Shinza offers an extremely powerful form of HARD GAY, although Shoten will usually want to watch,

SaiMonoWarriors

Remember UtaWarriors? After playing it, the desire to turn many other series into scrolling battlers could not be denied, and the first to receive this treatment is SaiMono. SMWarriors is only in the early stages of development now, but here a few details.

Playable characters: Shuurei (broom), Ryuuki (sword), Seiran (sword), Shuuei (large sword), Kouyuu (short sword), Ryuuren (flute), Ensei (staff), Eigetsu (blunted mace, powers up into Yougetsu).

Levels: Defend the capital from generic soldiers; Foil Official Sai; Race to Sa Province; Attack on Sa palace.

Eventually more characters and individual story modes will be added.

Kono Mini Pick ‘N’ Mix Part 2

STRAIGHT holds no mysteries for Ryou.

“It’s her first night here, so let’s start out with HARD YURI.”

“Have you already had INCEST STRAIGHT with him?”

“It’s only natural when you’re two siblings living alone without parents!”

“It happens all the time in anime!”

“Don’t touch me there!”

“Did you have to be so rough?”

“It’s the only way I could get myself aroused.”

“She’ll get naked at the drop of a hat!”

This needs no caption.

A group session proves to be successful.

Random Thoughts: Griffith

This week we manage to catch Griffith/Femto of Berserk fame, in order to put a few questions to him! First up, Griffith, what are the advantages of being one of the Godhand?

Godhand is quite a literal title, you know- it means I have the Hands of the God when it comes to Hyper Self Pleasure. Even though it meant giving up my good looks and regular partners in order to achieve this state, let me assure you that it’s worth it- and the Liangs of the male Godhand are indeed extremely Zhuge.

We saw both you and Guts have HARD GAY at various points in the series, but did the two of you ever do the deed together?

Of course we did- why do you think I was so upset when he left the Band of the Hawk? So upset, in fact that I had to turn to STRAIGHT.

How do feel about the general ugliness and retro horror feel of your world?

Well, in my human form I was good looking enough to make up for all of that.

And finally, what’s the secret to lustrous and shiny hair?

Many people rely on shampoo, but I just like a good hose down with freezing cold water in the middle of a river or practise yard. You can’t beat the cooling effects of a bucketful of icy water, especially if you have a lusty young man to scrub your back.

This Week in Anime

Pears hold secret conference.

Oranges prepare to overpower limes and pineapples, but a potato rescue force is not far behind.

Raspberries gather in an abandoned orange outpost.

Fat cat raises next generation of obese felines.

Apple sacrifices itself to save its fellows from being eaten.

Monthly Awards

Anime of the month goes to the unexpectedly worthy Windy Tales, a series that belongs with the highest calibre of slice-of-life.

Manga of the month is shared between the short yet worthy Otogi Zoshi manga, and the much longer but good for entirely different reasons Berserk, which is more enjoyable than its MANLY retro gore aesthetic would seem to indicate.

Cat-drenched series of the month also goes to Windy Tales, a series where hundreds of cats can fly in the sky at any one time.

Highest Body Count of the month is shared between Berserk and Darker than Black (remember, generics don’t count as one body each).

Mid-Season Awards

The “I’m still yawning” Prize for Continuing Boredom rests with El Cazador de la Bruja, which has grown steadily worse over the last three weeks.

The On the Fence Award for a Series that I want to like but am slowly growing disillusioned with is shared between Bokurano (on hiatus) and Claymore (still watching).

The 1337est of the 1337 Award for Continuing Excellence is once again shared between SaiMono season II, Emma season II and Darker than Black.

Special Prize for Only Winter Series Still Being Watched goes to Nodame Cantabile, although technically Deltora Quest is only on hiatus…a long hiatus.

The Manly Men Award for Zhugest Liangs goes to Moonlight Mile, which I have been told is overflowing with MANLINESS.

The Pegasus Award for Raising Awareness of HORSE goes to Romeo X Juliet.

The “I Want to Live There” Award for Best Setting is shared between Romeo X Juliet and Seirei no Moribito.

The Dark and Gritty Award for Most Disappointing Series goes to the “so poor it’s not even laughably bad” SKULLMAN.

HARD GAY corner: Samurai 7

When the STRAIGHT Emperor starts gathering women and bandits infest the lands, the people of Kanna Village know that only HARD GAY samurai with swords can save them- to that end, water priestess Kirara is sent out with her gaydar to track down worthy samurai and bring them back. The final line up consists of Kanbe, a man skilled with Sword but unable to keep a lover for long; Gorobe, skilled in long range HARD GAY; Heihachi, practised in mechanical devices; Kikuchiyo, a mechanical samurai converted to increased his Pleasuring intensity; Shichroji, a master of Spear; Kyuzo, a cool and calm Sword master and Katsushiro, who learns the ways of HARD GAY as the series progresses. Over the course of 26 episodes, those whose HARD GAY is too weak to withstand the forces of STRAIGHT are weeded out, but those who refine their HARD GAY defeat the evil STRAIGHT, enabling the peasants to express any preference they wish.

OST spotlight: Noir OST2

The first Noir OST was always going to be a hard act to follow, and unfortunately, although it is solid enough, this CD just can’t live up to its predecessor. The range of tracks is geared towards quieter and scene setting themes that capture the flavours of a range of different countries across Europe and Asia, and whilst it can all get a little too slow and laboured at times, it is worth the price of admission just for the eerily haunting strains of “Salva Nos II”, an impressive reworking of the series’ “action theme” into something very different but equally worthy. Equally deserving of note is the fact that Yuki Kajiura proves with her Colosseum theme that bagpipes can actually be used in a worthwhile fashion

Notable tracks: Secret Game, Salva Nos II, Maze, Killing

Mini-editorial: Should anime fans feel compelled to support their local market?

In the UK, it is easy enough to import DVDs and manga from America (or, for those with the extra cash, Japan), but there are equally those who believe that it shouldn’t be done- that if we want our fledgling anime and manga market to flourish, we must invest in it instead. This is of course, a valid point, but for those of us who must carefully plan how to spend our disposable income in order to get the best value for money, the US market is that much more attractive- after all, an £11 good quality DVD is more appealing than a £15 inferior quality one released several months later. Of course, the quality cannot increase without an influx of money, but is it our duty as consumers to feel constrained by the bigger picture? Shouldn’t it be up to the companies themselves to make their product the best on the market (or less encouragingly, bully the alternatives out of business)? Or ultimately, does it matter if a small cadre of hardcore fans choose to import, when the bulk of more casual anime buyers will not know or care how to do so?

To be perfectly honest, I may live in England, but I actually know less about UK anime release schedules than those of the R1 DVDs or US published manga I am interested in buying (this wasn’t always the case, and I still have many R2s from the old days). I know there will be those who will grumble under their breath, but ultimately isn’t it up to the individual how they spend their money (within obvious legal constraints)? If you have the funds to “double dip” and buy both US and UK versions, or the patience and tolerance for some of the tissue paper level DVDs and casings with the occasional French or German lines in the subtitles that are seen on this side of the Atlantic, then by all means go ahead (yes, some R2s are better, but only a few), but be prepared to accept that not everyone wants to do this.

In Your Reflection

This week’s head-to-head is between Spiral’s Ayumu Narumi and Loveless’ Aoyagi Ritsuka. At the beginning of the series, both characters in a position where their older brother is missing/apparently dead, leaving them to live with a female family member. In short order, they are thrust into a clandestine underground world, with mysterious rules and unknown members, whilst retaining a link to normal life through their female schoolfriend.

Fashion Police: Maria

In the last of our Burst Angel arrests, the police have chosen to take down their most dangerous target yet- the highly impractically dressed Maria. As we can see from the picture, her “dress” not only covers an amazingly small amount of flesh, but there seems to be nothing at all holding it up at the front, resulting in a situation for potential disaster beyond even that of Sei. The legs are at least reasonably dressed, although the logic of tying a knife into one’s ponytail and having two large wings of hair must surely be questioned.

Fashion sense: D-

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: hard yaoi, yaoi hard, “hack pre audition”, cat on acid, “hack boss audition”

Manshiro Boy?: Welcome to the world of the Otome manga.

bursting nipples: Sounds painful.

the fourth round rumble: what is this?

EVILS vampires MANGA: Hmm, that’s specific.

.hack//roots 26+?: No, no more!

lesbian trio: Still looking for that elusive threesome.

stick hard yaoi: Stick it in.

how to put you toube in facebook: “Hello, can I put my toube in your face?”

Manga flame drawings: none her.

irohanihoheto second series: it was a good enough series, but wasn’t one season enough?

Romance of the Three Kingdoms Goes Henta: ROTK hentai?

pictures of nakade gay men: okay…

Harvest moon parody: look, Hung, people do read this kind of thing!

futanari lesbians: once again, okay…

“but for now” mid: but for now, it hasn’t been found.

anime: friends scattered: oh no, friends divided, probably in an unknown land!

For months I have been going on about the impending demise of my laptop, and it seems that the poor thing has finally demanded retirement, forcing me to order an expensive but hopefully eminently worthy “laptop of the gods2 that must last at least five years.

What we want to happen to Raki in Claymore
Even though I’m assured Raki’s role will be cut back in the future, I was already inspired by last week’s comments to create a special section detailing how Raki could have already been written out in the first four episodes of Claymore.

Episode One

After Clare defeats the Yoma, Raki is left all alone, with no family.

Raki: Oh no, my brother was a Yoma and now I’ve got no one left! What should I do?

Clare: Sorry I had to kill him, but that’s life, kid.

Clare starts walking away.

Raki: But now I’m all alone! How am I going to support myself?

Clare: Yeah, you might want to think about getting a job.

Clare picks up the pace.

Raki: Hey, wait! You’re supposed to feel responsible and take me with you!

Clare: What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.

Raki: I thought Claymores had superior abilities.

Clare: Nope, I really can’t hear a thing you’re saying. Well, goodbye.

Clare breaks into a run, leaving Raki well behind. The apparently dead Yoma brother stirs and grabs Raki’s leg.

Yoma: Well, bro, looks like you and I will be having plenty of HARD GAY together.

Raki: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Episode Two

Clare is about to kill her fellow Claymore before she turns into a Yoma when Raki runs towards her.

Raki: Wait, you can’t do this! Main characters are supposed to find another way! CLARE!!!!!!!

Not realising that Raki is behind her, Clare swings her sword and decapitates him.

Clare: Hmm, I thought I heard something.

Episodes Three-Four

Raki: Isn’t it great, Clare? In this episode we get to pretend we’re brother and sister.

(Clare: This is so embarrassing.)

After an episode of running around, Clare decides to defy the script and set her own trap for catching the Yoma.

Clare: Okay, Raki, I want you to act as bait.

Raki: This will be safe, won’t it? You’ll protect me, right?

Clare: Yes…yes, of course I’ll protect you.

The Yoma is lured out, but with the help of the two warriors, it is defeated before Raki is harmed.

Raki: I was worried there for a moment, but I knew Clare wouldn’t let anything happen to me.

(Clare: Damn, looks like it’s time to switch to plan B.)

Clare: Oh, by the way, Raki, I’ve arranged with the bishop to have you stay here.

Raki: You what? But I want to go with you!

By the time Raki has finished speaking, Clare has already disappeared over the rooftops. The bishop approaches.

Bishop: Well, it looks like I’ve got someone new to warm my bed tonight.

Fanfiction suggestions for SaiMono
There is much amusement to be had from trawling the depths of Fanfiction.net, but when it comes to SaiMono, it seems that the writers are letting us down- they are far too busy with Reishin X Kouyuu, Shuurei X Ryuuki and the like to bring us what we need- solutions to some of the greatest mysteries of the series. It is for this reason that I have put together suggestions as to what I would like to see in future SaiMono fanfiction.\r\n

• “Shouka: The Mystery of the Closed Eyes”- find out how and why Shouka is able to lead his life without ever opening his eyes.
• “Yuushun and Rin: The Early Years”- the details of their ten year love.
• “Seiran and HORSE: A Guilty Pleasure”- just what is the connection between Seiran and those brown horses?
• “Tales of the Condors”- amusing standalone stories about the young Condors.
• “Kouyuu: A Day Spent Trying to Find the Bathroom”- Kouyuu gets lost in the palace, with disastrous consequences.
• “Ryuuren’s Fashion Tips”- follow Ryuuren as he picks out his rather unique wardrobe.
• “Soujun vs. Wood”- Soujun decides to have a showdown with his greatest rival.

And now, for a taste of my own SaiMono fanfic rip-off: “Seiran slowly unsheathed his blade. “How do you like it, Ryuuki?” he whispered, his hot breath playing over his lover’’s ear. “From behind, ani-ue,” was the excited reply.”

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS 5

“Sorry, I’m only interested in women.”

“Two Hand Mode is only for large weapons and extremes of Self Pleasure.”

Fate plans her next conquest.

“Gwakaka, marvel at my futuristic magic CCTV setup!”

SKULLMAN 1

Generic hears of a new type of Pleasure that is taking hold in Tokyo.

“HARD GAY, what’s that?”

“Are you asking for Pleasure?”

Short Parody: Kaleido Star

Sora arrives at the Kaleido stage.

Sora: Sorry I’m late for the audition!

Kalos: Don’t worry about it; since you’re the DESTINED main character I can let you in anyway.

Fool: Hello, Sora- I am here to constantly remind you that you are the destined main character.

Mia/Anna: Just because she’s a main character, she thinks she doesn’t have to work hard like the rest of us.

Layla: I agree. If you can’t do this special manoeuvre that only I have ever mastered, you must leave.

Sora: With training and DESTINY, I will master it!

Mia/Anna: We hated you five minutes ago, but now we realise that the only way to get screen time is to become your friends! Go, Sora- we’re behind you!

Sora pretty much masters the manoeuvre.

Layla: I guess I have to accept that my skill and expertise is nothing compared to DESTINY.

Sponsor Mr Kenneth arrives at Kaleido Stage.

Mr Kenneth: Layla is very skilled, but she isn’t the main character, is she? I think it’s about time you cast Sora as the lead.

Kalos: Well, she’s only been here five minutes, but sure- why not? Things will go wrong at first, of course, but by the end of each episode of trials, it will all work out.

The series passes, and Yuri reveals he has a grudge against Kalos.

Yuri: I’m sick of having no personality, so I’m turning evil and taking over the Kaleido stage!

Kalos: Go on then, take it- since you aren’t DESTINED, it will all go wrong anyway.

Yuri: Now that I am evil, I had better start doing evil things, such as walking around with my shirt off.

After many trials, Sora and Layla practise the Legendary Great Manoeuvre.

Sora: I’m not sure if I can do this.

Layla: Of course you can- DESTINY will see you through. I’ll be able to do it too, but as I am not DESTINED, it will come at a price.

Ken: Come on, Sora, let’s do some intense and unrealistic training.

After the training is complete, the pair do the manoeuvre on stage, and somehow manage to float in the air for a while- proof that DESTINY is stronger than even gravity.

Yuri: All this time, I was evil, but now I see that I was wrong. Let everything go back to the way it was- well, maybe changed a little in preparation for season two.

This Week in Anime

Rigorous HORSE is exhausting and difficult to master, but also rewarding.

Various fruits come together for a conference.

One DOG just isn’t enough anymore.

After a long absence, magatamas are spotted again.

Watermelon makes the first of many appearances in Kono Mini.

Anime Awards

Longest Transformation Sequences of the Week can only go to Nanoha, which has minute upon minute of transformations as every single fighting character gets in on the act.

Largest Final Boss Castle of the Week goes to Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto, as created and controlled by Soutetsu with his immense variety of switches.

Worst Web TV service of the Week must be the one used by Rosenberg in El Cazador de la Bruja, which shows…old episodes of El Cazador de la Bruja.

*NEW* Anime and Game World Tour: .hack
This feature will share a slot with HARD GAY/YURI corner.

Welcome to this brand new tour feature, your essential guide to all those anime, manga and game worlds you may or may not want to visit! This week, we make a visit to the world of .hack, although to be perfectly honest, you won’t want to be spending much time offline there, as it’s a place filled with scary pervert reporters and poorly designed characters. Instead, why not take out a subscription to The World, the planet’s biggest MMORPG. Sure, there’s the almost certain ever so slight possibility that you’ll end up hospitalised and in a coma just from playing the game, but in the meantime you can wander around a number of identical looking fields and dungeons, choose from an extremely limited range of character designs, pay to chat with other people as you would via a free chatroom or instant messenger, and, if you’re lucky, ride a grunty!

Unfortunately, if you go too far into the future, you will have to log onto The World:r2, and while in principle this should be a better and more advanced game, it actually seems to be uglier and more boring, with a whole new sort of grunty that cannot be ridden.

Plushie Review: Bandai .hack plush grunty To the uninitiated, this plush grunty may look like a bizarre and undesirable mutant, but to those who have fallen under the spell of the grunty, his strange shape and colour pales in comparison to his appealing huggability. Although it isn’t as easy to get your hands on one these days, this sturdy and well-made plush is a must for any serious .hack fan, and is the reason the words “grunterrific” and “gruntable” were created[1].

Licensing Reactions

• Pumpkin Scissors (ADV): Another series that only lasted one episode on my viewing schedule, Pumpkin Scissors seems to exist only for parody, and isn’t something I would watch again, let alone buy.
• Red Garden (ADV): Another Gonzo series, I managed to get to the end of this one, but it was an incredibly dull ride, and not one that I would ever subject myself to again.
• Welcome to the NHK (ADV): I managed to watch about ten episodes of this; however, not only was this a lacklustre adaptation, but it even made me question the quality of the original work. Another one to avoid.
• Black Blood Brothers (FUNimation): It really is the dregs of licensing this week, isn’t it? Another series where I barely knew or cared what was going on onscreen, BBB had some nice visuals but little else. Even twelve episodes seemed far too long.
• Simoun (Media Blasters): I can think of a couple of fanboys and girls who will jump at the chance to own this, but for me, the first episode was just too dull and ridiculous. Who can take a series seriously when the protagonists have to initiate special attacks that draw pretty lights in the sky by kissing in mid-air?

Mini-editorial: What can we gain from using labels like shounen and shoujo?
Back in January, I was arguing with Michael Ono on 9rules about the merits of classifying everything as either shounen or shoujo, where my point was that such labelling is hardly useful when it doesn’t cover everything- what about seinen and josei, for example? Anyway, such a debate inspired me to (eventually) create this piece, which was originally intended to be a full editorial until I realised I didn’t have a huge amount to say.

So, to get to the point, what exactly can we get out of broad labels like shounen and shoujo? The obvious answer is that invokes an archetype that most anime fans can identify- shounen is the spiky-haired Destined Hero and assorted sidekicks fighting increasingly stronger enemies, and shoujo is an insipid girl angsting over whether the bishounen of her dreams is her One True Love. Yes, this is a very generalised description, and fans of various series will no doubt be along soon to argue the specifics, but the point is that it helps us understand the content of the series in a concise fashion.

Beyond that use, however, we should perhaps be a little more careful. The first pitfall is in trying to classify every single series under these two headings- how, for example, could one fit Mushishi into this? The other pitfall is in adhering too closely to the idea of who the target audience should be. Isn’t it arrogant to assume that girls will not like Naruto when many, in fact, do watch it? Is Os trying to tell us something more personal when he says he likes shoujo (don’t hit me for this, it’s just an example)? They may be helpful labels for producers looking to target a particular demographic, but for the rest of us, saying “you didn’t like that series because you’re a girl” is more idiotic than insightful.

Ultimately, then, whilst these labels, like many others, can be helpful in establishing general ideas (and of course, in parodying clichés), we must always be wary of relying on such stereotypes to the point where we become unable to function without them.

In Your Reflection

This week we have a head-to-head between Elfen Lied’s Nyu and Chobits’ Chi. Although the tone of their respective series may be very different, both are amnesiacs who come to live with the male lead, and can only say a single word at first (causing them to be named after this word). Each has a darker alternate self and past locked away inside them, with details coming to light as the series progresses.

Fashion Police: Sei

Although the Fashion Police have been receiving reports of urgent fashion disasters in other series, they have decided to remain in Burst Angel world a little longer to finish what they started when they first arrested Jo. This week, Sei is taken in for questioning, for whilst she looked stylish enough in the trousers and jacket, the second they saw what was underneath, they knew they had to do something. Not only is her top fabric-deficient beyond belief, but it somehow manages to defy the very laws of gravity by somehow holding her breasts in despite having no support whatsoever underneath. How is this accomplished? Will they ever fall out? Surely these burning questions are more important than the entire “plot” of Burst Angel.

Fashion sense: C-

Amusing Search Terms

Whatever happened to you toube this week?

hard yaoi: could this become an old favourite in time?

adaptations of a basilisks: maybe you should focus on just the one Basilisk.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha hentai sex: one more lolicon reveals himself.

fate stay night manga baka: Arguably it is a bit idiotic to waste time on this mediocre manga.

parody of it wasn”t me: It wasn’t me who parodied it.

hard gay .hack: Ah, have you visited my blog before, by any chance?

fanservice manga: I was telling you not to read it

[1] These words may not actually be in common usage, and may have in fact been randomly made up by the writer.

Gundam Pizza Hut
Many of you must have wondered where the Gundam franchise would go next, or how it could possible top the masterpiece of angst, pointless characters, flashbacks and long stretches of boredom that is commonly referred to as Gundam Seed Destiny. Fortunately, Tuesday Rumble can exclusively reveal the next title in the long-running Gundam franchise- Gundam Pizza Hut!

In a universe where numerous factions on Earth and in orbiting space colonies are in constant conflict for no good reason, delivering pizzas can be a dangerous task. After numerous pizza-carrying Zakus are destroyed, Pizza Hut designs five new mobile suits- Gundams- designed to safely deliver pizzas to all corners of the solar system. When four of the Gundams are stolen by rival pizza restaurant Domino’s Pizza, however, an epic battle begins. Can KirAthruShinn, pilot of the Cheese and Tomato Gundam, outwit the Domino pilots of the stolen Hawaiian, Olive, Pepperoni and Stuffed Crust Gundams and ensure that hungry customers get piping hot Pizza Hut? Find out on Gundam Pizza Hut!

KyoAni presents Toilet Cleaners, or A Guide to Hype
When KyoAni announces that they will be producing a new anime about the working lives of toilet cleaners, the fanboys go wild. Let’s chart their reactions.

1. At first, there is general upset- a season spent on Toilet Cleaners is one less season for Haruhi, FMP and the latest Key adaptation.

2. Nonetheless, the discord soon passes- after all, this is KyoAni, and so Toilet Cleaners is bound to be great.

3. Numerous blog posts based around promotional artwork, CMs and general anticipation of Toilet Cleaners start to infest the BlogWorld. Some people start reading the Toilet Cleaners manga in order to be prepared for the anime, whilst Hung gets upset that this will stop a.f.k. from subbing more Animal Yokocho.

4. By the time Toilet Cleaners is ready to air, the anticipation is at fever pitch. Every fanboy is thoroughly excited about this exciting anime that will expose the heretofore unseen lives of the humble toilet cleaners.

5. Episode one airs, and even those who do not know a word of Japanese rush to download the raw. Up to twenty five minutes are then spent watching it.

6. When it comes to viewers’ attention that an anime about cleaning toilets cannot be anything other than utter crap, a complete backlash occurs. In short order, everyone is posting about how awful Toilet Cleaners is and how the hype has led to disappointment.

7. Within the next week or so, a subbed version appears, episode two airs, and more people pick up the series. It now become popular to buck the trend of hating Toilet Cleaners and post about how it really isn’t that bad, and is in fact quite entertaining in places.

8. By the time the fourth episode has aired, hardly anyone cares anymore…unless of course the series does something high profile like changing director.

Reideen Pick and Mix

“I’ve finally worked out how to beat Solitaire!”

“Are you saying you want to have HORSE?”

“How many times do I have to turn you down before you’ll realise I don’t want to go out with you!?”

“But you’re the only one who can arouse me!”

“Don’t even bother to try that old line- I’m just not interested.”

New Wang’s headquarters are spotted.

“I think that will result in a better HARD GAY experience overall.”

Random Thoughts: Nanoha

This week we catch Nanoha on set during the filming of the latest episode of StrikerS! We know you’ve all been dying to hear her thoughts on this new series, so listen carefully!

So, Nanoha, you were only nine years old when you first starred in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. Was it difficult being a child star, especially one that so many lolicons were ogling over?
Well, although not many people know this, I’d actually already played a sixth-grader in Triangle Heart, and it was from there that I got the job for Nanoha. It was a bit strange to go back to playing a third grader, and to be honest, I always wondered why more people didn’t question the fact that it was left to a bunch of nine year olds to save the world. As for the whole lolicon issue, I honestly had no idea that kind of thing was associated with our series- I thought they were watching it because of my acting skills.

How do you answer accusations that Raising Heart is the one that does all the work in battle whilst you just stand there?
Raising Heart: That is correct- Nanoha is useless-

Nanoha: Shut up! Next question, please.

Well then, moving on to StrikerS, did you expect to be sidelined for a whole bunch of new characters that, quite frankly, no one cares about?
I guess there’s no point hiding it anymore- that tight-fisted studio weren’t willing to pay us recurring characters the fee we deserve, and we ended up in court arguing over it. Since they couldn’t exactly make the show without us with a huge backlash, we eventually came to a agreement that we would accept the lower wage but work in fewer scenes. We honestly thought that the studio would realise their folly and eventually agree to pay us more, but those skinflints just brought in a bunch of cheap to hire newcomers- can you believe it?

Could you also explain the logic between using a limiter to downgrade your impressive power?
That’s obvious, isn’t it? This series has to last twenty-six episodes, so they can’t just have us blowing away the enemy right at the beginning. Instead, we have to act like weaklings and wait for those damned newcomers to level up.

And finally, are you allowed to drop any hints as to what we can expect to see in future episodes of StrikerS?
I have to keep the specifics strictly confidential, but you can expect a lot of transformation sequences and fights against generic enemies.

This Week in Anime

Onions, potatoes and carrots decide to undergo essential bonding by going on a camping trip together.

Kenichi finds himself at the mercy of an apple infection.

The cure is swift but dangerous.

…and re-infection is always a problem.

Anime Awards

Most enjoyable flashback of the week goes to Claymore, which seems to have improved with the advent of its flashback arc.

Most forgettable OVA of the week has already been forgotten, but is a prize that deserves to be shared between Sakura Taisen New York and Murder Princess.

Widest angle scene of the week appears in Heroic Age, which gives widescreen a new meaning with its needlessly wide angled battle scenes.

HARD GAY corner: Gundam Seed
Kira and Athrun were HARD GAY partners from childhood, but a cruel fate saw them separated and forced to fight on opposing sides. Although Athrun had new lovers in the form of Yzak, Nicol and Dearka, he longed for Kira’s skilled embrace, whilst Kira’s Coordinator skills made all his Natural lovers seem unskilled- only Mu La Flaga could even come close to satisfying him.

After numerous experiments with passing lovers, and even brief dabbling in the world of STRAIGHT, Kira and Athrun were eventually able to reconcile with each other and experience a new form of HARD GAY known as ‘SEED’, but little did they know that their idyllic days were numbered.

To be continued in HARD GAY Corner: Gundam Seed Destiny.

OST spotlight: Phantom Brave
As the bonus disc that comes with the Phantom Brave game, this short CD isn’t one I would have bought on its own was it not provided. That’s not to say it is bad; in fact, the melodic orchestral blend of lilting themes often reaches quite a high standard for game music- it may not be able to challenge the greats, but it is still worthy on its own merit at times. Unfortunately, it isn’t really consistent, with some of the slower vocal ballads feeling more dull and interminable than engaging.

Notable tracks: Thinking of You, Grand Melody, Game Braker, Strange Wind, Sorrow

Licensing Reactions

• Saiunkoku Monogatari (Geneon): This isn’t unexpected since Geneon already acquired a SaiMono domain name, but now it is finally official, and whilst I love the series and want it in DVD, 39 episodes across singles will a bit too much of a strain on the budget, forcing me to wait for a boxset.

Mini-editorial: How similar should the anime and manga be?
I’ve talked about anime adaptations that have been better or worse than their original manga, but when it comes down to it, how similar should the two be? As we all know, changing the story in order to better suit the pacing of a twenty-five episode, adding in filler or changing the ending because the manga is unfinished are hardly uncommon, and yet they are also often cause for vocal complaints as a solid original story gets turned into something inferior. Then again, if the anime follows the manga exactly, no only does one become disinclined to experience the exact same story over again, but a certain amount of impatience and boredom creeps in due to knowing exactly what will come next.

Slice of life series such as Aria, Mushishi and Honey and Clover seem to be at their best when they echo the manga exactly, without ever feeling dull- and for some reason, it was the same with the faithful Hikaru no Go. Other faithful series such as the exposition-heavy Death Note, however, just feel surplus to requirements for anyone who is already familiar with the manga. On the flip side of the coin, the changes made to series such as Chobits only end up making the anime feel slower paced and more painful, perhaps because the original material is not that strong to begin with. Perhaps ultimately, this is a situation that needs to be taken on a series by series (or at least genre by genre) case, with consideration towards what works in each medium, and of course the quality of the core story.

Harem of the week: Keitaro Urashima- Love Hina
The luckless loser destined never to get into Tokyo University, Keitaro was a handed a harem of sorts by becoming manager of the Hinata Apartments, an all-female dormitory.

Harem

Naru Narusegawa: The main girl, and tsundere locked in a perpetual cycle of softening towards Keitaro and then beating up when he makes yet another unintentional faux pas.

Mitsune Konno (Kitsune): The laid back and forward older woman (in terms of attitude rather than age), has a fondness for drinking and causing trouble for others.

Kaolla Su: The eccentric inventor loli, can transform into an adult form under certain circumstances.

Shinobu: The quiet loli, shyly adores Keitaro.

Motoko Aoyama: The tough girl, a kendo expert scared to reveal a softer side.

Mutsumi: The sick girl, a childhood friend and love rival.

Sarah McDougal: Another loli, this one the aggressive and unruly type.

Rivals

Professor Noriyasu Seta: The object of Naru’s crush, and when she later turns to Keitaro, Kitsune reveals her feelings for him.

Lamba Lu: Cousin of Su, she seems to have feelings for him before giving him up to her sister Amalla.

Kentaro Sakata: An early rival for Naru’s affections until he becomes too minor to be a threat.

Fashion Police: Meg
The second entrant in our Burst Angel month of fashion diasasters, Meg illustrates what Selphie initially taught us- there are certain shades of yellow that should not be used extensively in clothing. Where Selphie wore a rag, however, Meg does at least cover herself up a bit, although much of the upper body and thighs are left exposed, with only the hideous yellow chaps attempting to compensate for a skirt so short that her panties are inevitably exposed. And above all else- why don’t her breasts pop out of the laughably small bit of fabric that is holding them in?

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: busou renkin hentai, pr0n toube, you toube

romance of the three kingdoms III winxp: Not here, I’m afraid.

Ginga Densetsu Weed Theme Downloads: people actually want this as a computer theme?

rotk rpg: Can’t find ROTK III? Make your own RPG instead.

autumn flame grass: what is this?

“love slave” baka updates: Maybe try Baka Updates instead of Azure Flame?

rpg maker xp stargate: Stargate the RPG, coming soon to a galaxy near you.