How embarrassing for him.

Real life keeps interfering with catch-up! How dare it?

Reviewed this week: Allison and Lillia 16, Amuri in Star Ocean 2, Chocolate Underground 8, Detroit Metal City 4, Gunslinger Girl –Il Teatrino 9, Itazura na Kiss 22-3, Koihime Musou 10, Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 19, Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 10, Ryoko’s Case File 10, Slayers Revolution 10-11, Soul Eater 23, Wagaya no Oinari-sama 18, World Destruction 11

…and in manga: Doujin Work 23-5, FMA 87

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- cuteness overload
2. Hidamari Sketch x365 (2) – 365 times the fun
3. Soul Eater (3) – Krona
4. Xam’d- Lost Memories (4) – Humanform
5. Natsume Yuujinchou (5) – can a fat cat get too fat?
6. Detroit Metal City (6) – I’m gonna f***ing raep you!
7. Wagaya no Oinari-sama (7) – pure white oni
8. Nabari no Ou (8) – tranquil aid to meditation
9. Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu (9) – cliché
10. Slayers Revolution (10) – Dragon Slave
11. Koihime Musou (11) – Sun Shang Xiang
12. Antique Bakery (12) – father
13. Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (13) – Fantastic Voyage
14. Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (14) – magic can’t do everything
15. Ryoko’s Case File (15) – attack of the killer mangrove
16. Itazura na Kiss (16) – dislikeable cast
17. World Destruction (17) – some stuff happened

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Tetsuko no Tabi (1)- is this ever going to be subbed?
2. Love GetChu! (2)- voice acting isn’t easy
3. Gunslinger Girl- Il teatrino (3)- Claes
4. Sisters of Wellber Zwei (4) – love triangle
5. Himawari!! (5) – needs less plot
6. Real Drive (6) – demoted to slow
7. Himitsu (7) – demoted to slow
8. Allison and Lillia (8) – seaplane
9. Chocolate Underground (-) – demoted to slow

Allison and Lillia 16: It’s been so long since we’ve had an episode of Allison and Lillia that I feared I’d forget the plot, but I’m not sure what I was worried about- not only is the plot completely nonsensical, but it all came flooding back within moments. Having survived the events of last episode by leaving several generics stranded, Lillia and Treize immediately board another plane whilst Wil Travas watches from afar and does very little to stop them. For some reason, this seaplane filled with orphans is a target for attackers who want to shoot it down (why? Are the orphans drug mules?), and when the cabin crew randomly decide to bail out, Lillia and Treize are left to pilot it. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but I love making fun of it, and reading blog posts like this.

Amuri in Star Ocean 2: Even though it hasn’t really improved in any discernible way, for some reason I enjoyed the second episode of this OVA a lot more. Now that Amuri can use her special powers, she is able to fend off the standard weaponry, but when an artificial life form made from her cells nullifies her ability, it falls to Suzu to find the courage to fight back. Meanwhile, Perrier (who will presumably be spotlighted in the third episode) must struggle with her own fears and the spectre of her sister.

Chocolate Underground 8: Thanks to last episode’s tip-off, the Chocolate Police raid Smudger and Huntly’s Chocolate Underground, but happily for all concerned, a special double basement layout allows them to pass themselves off as an innocent study group. Of course, the preview then reveals that in episode nine they will get discovered anyway, so apart from showing us some tasty chocolate, there’s not much here to recommend the series.

Detroit Metal City 4: DMC have been asked to do an interview with Tetrapod Melon Tea, putting Negishi in a dilemma when he learns that not only is TMT the kind of band he’d rather be in, but that it’s run by an underclassman who looks up to him. Unfortunately, in his Krauser persona, he can’t help but be rude and obnoxious- a joke that by all rights should be overplayed by now but somehow still works.

Gunslinger Girl -Il Teatrino 9: After a long drought, Il Teatrino seems to be arriving in a steady flow, with this episode proving to be one of the better entries in the series. Whilst Henrietta and Jose/Giuse/Giuseppe each contemplate their relationship with the other, Jose and Jean’s past and their deceased sister and other striking scenes such as Rico torturing a prisoner. Yes, we’ve seen it in the manga, but this is probably the best adaptation of the original material we’ve seen so far, and proof that very little effort is needed to make Gunslinger Girl good. What a shame Artland took nine episodes to realise this.

“Yes, but it’s more fun with two.”

Itazura na Kiss 22-3: Naoki seems to have become more human over the last couple of episodes, but it’s not really an endorsement of the series, given that everyone else is pretty unlikable. First up, we have an instalment in which Kotoko gets her first ever birthday gift from Naoki in the form of a night out- although of course everything goes wrong on the way there, causing her to be two hours later. With that episode ending with the revelation that Kotoko is pregnant, the next one sees her friends winding her up about Naoki being unfaithful, causing a wave of paranoia when she sees him hanging around with a young nurse. Meanwhile, domestic violence makes a return when Sudou decides that the only way to deal with Yuuko wanting to work through her illness is to give her a slap in the face- and she promptly softens towards him. To quote The Simpsons- “so it’s true- some cartoons do encourage violence”, not so much because of the hitting, but because of how angry and annoyed it makes me feel.

Koihime Musou 10: It’s Wu’s time to shine as Guan Yu and her party visit the court of Sun Ce- but after an attempt on the life of Wu’s ruler, our heroines are thrown under suspicion. The plot may be average (with the surprising revelation that Zhang Zhao is the one named Three Kingdoms character who is actually a man), but a visit to my favourite kingdom (now populated by beautiful women) is worth the price of admission.

Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 19: It’s time for the inevitable trip to the hotsprings this episode, and whilst the family get down to some serious R&R, they are unaware that they are being watched by Klutz Devil, a demon who is here to collect the soul of someone who is destined to die. Although there are some amusing moments, most of this episode passed under my radar- it was refreshingly free of uber-craziness, but at the same time there was no real hook that made me want to pay attention.

Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 10: When we saw Yuuto and Shiina in a compromising position on the floor last episode, we knew that there would be a completely innocent explanation, and indeed there was (a blackboard magically detached from the wall and fell on the floor, as often happens in day to day life). Nonetheless, Haruka has to go off and angst for the duration of the festival, until everything pans out and resolves itself. Despite the generally underwhelming nature of the episode, I’m happy to see that Yuuto and Haruka’s relationship is developing properly instead of just being left in limbo- but whatever happened to the school who hated otaku and didn’t want Yuuto going anywhere near Haruka?

Ryoko’s Case File 10: The appearance of Ryoko’s young lookalike last episode seemed set to propel the series into a more interesting storyline than anything we had seen thus far, but ultimately the mystery of young “Monami” (named so because Jun’ichiro has no grasp of what “mon ami” means in French- although why they were referring to a girl in the masculine sense escapes me) is not solved here. Instead, this is a rather slow-paced episode in which very little happens right up until the end; I don’t want to see Monami bonding with Jun’ichiro, I want to know who and what she is! Hopefully episode 11 will deliver the goods.

Slayers Revolution 10-11: The battle continues as Lina and Gourry fight Zuuma and Gioconda, whilst Pocota and Duclis indulge in some more Flashback Mode. The battle brings us some good, nostalgic stuff with Ragna Blade and the Sword of Light making an appearance, all the while setting the stage for the next boss battle. Although Lina doesn’t seem as invincible as she once did, this was one of the more action-packed episodes of the series.

Episode 11 opens with an attack on new boss monster Zanaffar, but in typical fashion he withdraws from battle after a few turns to go and wreak havoc on generic towns whilst the heroes decide how to defeat him. There was a definite feeling of Dragonball Z in this episode, what with people flying around, energy blasts that did nothing and a boss that’s going to take several episodes to defeat- why did I never notice the connection before?

“We meet again, Obi-Wan.”

Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 7: After a slew of hard-to-please clients, Kuroda is beginning to think that maybe enough is enough- magic just isn’t as satisfying or enjoyable as he’d like. Of course, this is the cue for his friends to rally round and encourage him, but all the while I could barely care about an episode devoted to largely uninteresting supporting characters. This series isn’t really going anywhere, and worse yet, it doesn’t even do going nowhere well the way the first two seasons of Aria did.

Soul Eater 23: Whilst Stein and Medusa’s battle draws to a close (complete with bursts of action amidst lengthy discussion scenes), it falls to Kid to hold off the wolf guy whilst Black Star and Tsubaki stop frog witch from injecting the hideous Demon God skin sack with black blood. Of course, we’d feel cheated if the arc ended that easily, so the events of this episode lead into the next, with a rather disturbing final scene.

Wagaya no Oinari-sama 18: Byakki has adopted Tohru as her ‘parent’, but he status as a life-force drainer and generally wanted commodity puts anyone with her in danger. The only solution seems to be to have her sealed away, which leads to a rather anticlimactic end to this arc in which our heroes sit around doing very little. There’s also the revelation that Kuu-chan and the silver fox are siblings, which seemed a bit of a lazy way to connect the only two foxes in the series.

World Destruction 11: With our heroes having gone to the lands of Spring, Summer and Autumn, the only place left is the obligatory Winter land, a place of those RPG staples of dragons and ice. Naturally, Lia becomes fearful for her homeland and pursues them with renewed vigor, but Evil Doctor and his robots are also on the scene, keen to pick up the Destruct Code in the ensuing chaos. The one thing that can be said about this episode is that at least it seems to be setting up a final boss, but other than that it’s as underwhelming as ever.

MANGA

Doujin Work 23-5: As we saw in the anime, the time has come for Najimi and Nidou to compete once again, and whilst Nidou becomes inspired by her mistaken belief that Hoshi is HARD GAY for Justice, both sides are eager to improve their drawing skills with the aid of their friends- no matter what it takes.

Fullmetal Alchemist 87: Whilst Father continues to sit in a chair and plot, the fight with Pride and Gluttony continues- and the moment the lights come back on, Pride can use his shadow travelling powers once more. Meanwhile, having discovered the truth about Selim Bradley, Mustang makes his move, but will any of our heroes be able to stand against the Homunculi? With some interesting plot developments and a good amount of action, this chapter doesn’t fail to disappoint, whetting the appetite for more.

Book Promotion Special

Here at Azure Flame we like to keep you up to date with the latest developments in the anime world- everything from the Spice and Wolf trading game to the acclaimed crossover series “Mewsou Renkin”. Today, however, we’re here to advertise a new set of self-help books, written by some of the finest names in anime!

From Friendship to Marriage: A Guide to Relationships by Irie Naoki

Everyone’s favourite husband, Irie Naoki, takes us through relationships with the aid of his extensive personal experience. Learn how to impress the ladies and land that someone special with Naoki’s impeccable advice. Here are some extracts from this bestselling novel.

“Girls don’t appreciate affection, so act as coldly towards them as possible. Use their unrequited feelings for you to manipulate them into believing they’d never love anyone else, and then get married as quickly as possible. Don’t worry about the bonds of matrimony- you can treat wedlock as little more than casual dating.”

Top Class Dad by Oscar ‘Major Stork’ Whittington

The next book to hit the selves this summer is Oscar Whittington’s guide to being the perfect father- a must for all current and prospective dads!

“The best way to foster a relationship with your daughter is to abandon her at an early age and live the life of a cold-blooded murderer. When you are finally reunited with her, a simple birthday gift will be enough to mend any feelings of estrangement or dislike. The truly thoughtful dad will even go so far as to ask the love of her life to leave her for a life of undercover work.”

Love and Marriage: A Modern Perspective by Wil Schultz

A follow-up to Top Class Dad, Love and Marriage delves deeper into the process of raising a family.

“It is important not to casually say ‘I love you’ to your partner; save it for that moment when you get her pregnant and then leave her all alone. Fatherhood is enhanced by distance, so never admit to your child that you’re their parent; instead watch over them from a distance, maintaining a cool, professional relationship at all times.”

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei: the lost chapters

Sensei enters the classroom at the beginning of another school day. He is looking particularly unkempt.

Chiri: Sensei, what happened?

[Meru: You can’t afford to look any worse than usual.]

Sensei: What’s the point of it all? Even if I bother to clean up, I’ll just get dirty again!

Kafka: So Sensei is just saving energy by not washing! How noble!

Chiri: Uh, I don’t think that’s it…

Maria: In Maria’s home country, we didn’t wash for years!

Matoi: I’ll love you no matter what, Sensei!

Sensei: Zetsubou shita! The society that places so much value on personal care has left me in despair!

• Having to wash when you’ll just get dirty again.
• Constantly needing haircuts because it keeps growing.
• Hair removal, manicures and other potentially painful processes.
• Anti-ageing creams that never work.
• Celebrities paying thousands for dodgy surgical processes.
• Getting dressed up nicely and then having to constantly get changed to do household jobs.

Amatsuki 12

This hamster must have been the brush god that never made it into the final cut of Okami.

“…for the Pokemon battles!”

“That’s not playing fair and you know it!”

“…then you’re no good to HARD GAY!”

“Exterminate!”

Toki shows extreme arrogance by calling his Liang “Master” during a Hyper Self Pleasure session.

Ignorance at its finest.

“He’s my lover!”

“Are you here for HARD GAY?”

“Sorry to disappoint, but I’ve gone STRAIGHT!”

“How could you abandon the ways of HARD GAY for mere STRAIGHT?”

“Just go and sleep with your new lover and stop bothering me!”

“Don’t turn to the STRAIGHT side!”

“Toki, you can only sleep with one person at a time.”

“Trying to sleep with everyone you meet will only end in tragedy.”

“I’m sorry- I just can’t seem to satisfy my raging libido!”

“Those days are over now that we’ve conceived the child you always wanted!”

“I won’t have you skipping out and leaving me to raise it all alone!”

Dragons’ Den

Welcome to our regular feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral’s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

Arriving in the Den this week is Mai-Otome’s John Smith, who is hoping that his range of Otome GEMs will whet the appetites of our feline investors. Mikoto already has previous experience in this field, but will he be able to catch her eye?

Smith: Hello Dragons, my name is John Smith and I’m here to represent Otome GEMs Limited. As I’m sure you know, the jewellery market is one that continues to thrive, and we’re here to introduce a brand new range to the discerning consumer. From our generic Coral and Pearl ranges to custom high-end pieces, each Gem can be set into an earring or ring, enabling the use of special powers!

Mikoto: Been there, done that- this isn’t a profitable business, so I’m out.

Mr Tibbs: I’m actually interested, but tell me, say I wanted to buy more than one Blue Sky Sapphire, for example- would that be at all possible?

Smith: So far we’ve only been able to source one pair of each type.

Admiral: How are you manufacturing these?

Smith: Uh, we just find them.

Admiral: So you’re just a reseller then? What’s to stop me finding some GEMs and selling them myself?

Smith: Well, nothing really- but we do have an exclusive product line of in-house Slave GEMs that can be worn as pendants! They even let you control giant monsters.

Mikoto: Why don’t you tell the other Dragons how you turn into green sparkles if your monster is defeated?

Smith: …

It’s a shocking revelation, and one that has certainly soured the mood in the Den. Will any Dragon want to invest after this?

Aria: Punyu! [I think this is a ridiculous idea that won’t generate any profit, and that’s why I’m out.]

Cardinal: To be honest, in the right hands the product could have potential, but your lazy approach to production means that you’ll run your company into the ground within months. I’d invest in the product, but not in you- and that’s why I’m out.

John Smith’s dreams of marketing Otome GEMs lie in tatters! Can anyone impress our jaded investors?

This Week in Anime

“Those apples may be more dangerous than they appear.”

“Oh no, they’re floating away and I’m powerless to stop it!”

“Captured- and tasted.”

“Hyper Self Pleasure in the sea is such a great feeling!”

“Our home was infested by apples.”

A trio of food critics decides to prepare dinner.

Unfortunately, there is some disagreement over preparation.

Aagh, a mechanical tomato! What has become of the world?

“He’s only interested in Liangs on his level.”

“We desperately need HARD GAY!”

“Given the size of your Ezo, I’ll won’t get my hopes up.”

“Alert! Alert! Rival detected!”

“Gwakakaka!”

In golem competitions, it’s important to get your priorities straight.

“Swords are there to be used.”

“They really know how to do breast enlargements!”

“They fill me with dread! I can’t be in the same room as pies and cakes!”

Flash game review: Clay Kitten Shooting

We’ve all heard of clay pigeon shooting, but fewer of us have indulged in Clay Kitten Shooting; a cruel-sounding yet oddly amusing game in which one must shoot cartoon kittens as they fly across the screen. With a limited amount of shots and each level demanding more accuracy, the game is quick to become hard but highly addictive at the same time.

Harem of the week: Nozomu Futami (Futakoi)

Not content with just adding single girls to his harem, Futami specialised in attracting twins.

Harem

Kaoruko and Sumireko: The childhood friends with secret feelings for Nozomu.

Kira and Yura: The clueless rich girls who must slowly learn about normal life.

Rara and Ruru: The lolis with an open claim on Nozomu as their future husband.

Ui and Koi: The gentle animal lovers.

Ai and Mai: The seductive older women.

Sara and Sojyu: The sick girl and the tsundere.

Reviewed this week: Allison and Lillia 14-15, Hidamari Sketch x365 3-4, Itazura na Kiss 16, Kaiba 10, Love GetChu! 9-10, Nabari no Ou 16, Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 2-3, Persona Trinity Soul 21, Real Drive 12, Ryoko’s Case File 2-3, School Rumble San Gakki OVA 1, Slayers Revolution 4-5, World Destruction 3, Xam’D 1-2

…and in manga: next week, I promise!

1. Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- Chi plays
2. Kaiba (2) – who am I?
3. Hidamari Sketch x365 (4) – 365 times the fun
4. Soul Eater (3) – best exam ep ever
5. Xam’d- Lost Memories (-) – Bones does it again <-new!
6. Natsume Yuujinchou (5) – Book of Friends
7. Wagaya no Oinari-sama (7) – hot springs
8. Nabari no Ou (8) – change of side
9. Slayers Revolution (9) – Dragon Slave
10. Koihime Musou (10) – Guan Yu has more breasts and less beard
11. Persona Trinity Soul (11) – catch-up, start!
12. Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (13) – open the safe
13. Real Drive (12) – chat program
14. Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu (21) – secret otaku
15. Antique Bakery (15) – super gay demon
16. Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (16) – biological weapon
17. Telepathy Shoujo Ran (17) – predictable
18. Ryoko’s Case File (14) – superintendant
19. World Destruction (18) – cats
20. Amatsuki (19) – Kuchiha
21. Himitsu (20) – faceless
22. Blade of the Immortal (22) – immortal worms
23. Allison and Lillia (23) – plane crash is the new train wreck
24. Itazura na Kiss (24) – dislikeable cast
25. Chocolate Underground (25) – chocolate is forbidden

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Tetsuko no Tabi (2)- is this ever going to be subbed?
2. Love GetChu! (3)- light entertainment
3. Gunslinger Girl- Il teatrino (4)- licensed
4. Himawari!! (5) – needs less plot

Allison and Lillia 14-15: The Lillia arc has finally begun in earnest, and it’s an excuse for more stupidity and copied storylines as Lillia and Treize (son of Fiona and ‘how much facial hair can I grow?’ Benedict) head go on holiday, only to be targeted by forces of evil. In the ensuing sequence of events, an innocent pilot gets left behind as a hostage, another man loses his car to our heroes and there’s a plane crash in the middle of nowhere. Hmm, that hasn’t happened before.

Hidamari Sketch x365 3-4: It’s time for more random fun with two more episodes of Hidamari; first one in which Yuno and Miyako head to a shrine in order to do some drawing, followed by a two part episode which features both a fat cat and a follow-up to last season’s culture festival episode. Whilst it’s all good, light fun, naturally the fat cat segment wins out over the rest, proving that obese felines are the way forward in anime, just as I’ve always said.

Itazura na Kiss 16: I know I harp on about this, but I really hate all the characters in Itazura na Kiss, and I especially despise the portrayal of their relationships. Having decided to switch to a nursing course, Kotoko promptly fails her exam, but she’s determined to pass next time in the hopes that Naoki will reward her with a date (wait a minute- aren’t they married? Doesn’t that imply that they should want to go on dates with each other in the normal course of things, and not just for a treat?). Meanwhile, Chris continues to pursue Kinnosuke and wear him down, whilst Kotoko briefly believes she is pregnant, which makes you wonder which is worse- the possible offspring from this hideous union, or the thought of Kotoko and Naoki getting intimate. I must rant about this series with all due haste.

You’re married! Dates shouldn’t be some kind of rare and special treat!

Kaiba 10: It’s time to fill in a few blanks as we learn how Kaiba-Warp and Neiro came to meet and develop feelings for each other, and how it resulted in Neiro’s first death. It’s good to have this gap in the past story covered, although at the same time there are so many twists and turns in this anime that I’m going to need to watch it all again in order to appreciate everything that’s going on.

Love GetChu! 9-10: At long last I’ve watched two more episodes of Love GetChu, starting with an instalment in which the girls face a promotion exam- but will Momoko’s jealousy over Yurika and Atari’s growing friendship get in the way of her work? As it turns out, Amane is the one to get the promotion, but when she still seems lacking in something, the other girls are sent to help her at a special event. Unfortunately, having taken the bold step of having one of the girls move ahead in episode nine, episode ten is basically an exercise in giving everyone enough EXP to level up, although perhaps the fact that they can now apply for actual voice acting roles will help the story step up a bit.

Nabari no Ou 16: The Banten kinjutsu scroll is the last one that Kairoshuu needs, so you might think that they’d put all their efforts into finding it- or not quite yet. First, everyone needs to talk about what they’re going to do, with Aizawa explaining that he’s an immortal desperately hoping to regain his mortality, and Miharu going on a date with Yoite. I’m not entirely sure how the story can even stretch across another ten episodes.

Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 2-3: Now a conspirator in Haruka’s secret, Yuuto finds himself dragged around Akihabara with her, before visiting her well-appointed mansion and taking the fall when a Natsucomi booklet nearly gives her secret away. It’s reasonably entertaining, but there’s a feeling that this is the kind of the series that belongs in the early 2000s; by this point in the decade, it just feels a bit old and clichéd.

Persona Trinity Soul 21: Sadly I only managed one more episode of Persona this week, but I swear to make an effort to complete it over the weekend. In the meantime, this episode sees the Marebito take Jun in the hopes that he can use his persona calming abilities- but with Yuki in control, the persona can’t be summoned. There’s not much more to say, really, except that the end is near.

Real Drive 12: It’s a fairly calm episode of Real Drive this time around as Minamo befriends Amy, a blind girl who has just had her sight cybernetically restored- and who, of course, ‘coincidentally’ turns out to be both an absent classmate and the Metal artist that Haru has been tasked to search for. Although it is interesting to wonder if Amy is really better off for suddenly being bombarded with images from her newfound sight, in all honesty if I want to sit down and think about this, I don’t need an anime episode to encourage me to do that. I was also disappointed at the wasted potential to discuss synaesthesia (the condition, not the band) in relation to Amy’s art.

Ryoko’s Case File 2-3: Episode two concludes the story seen in the first arc with a mixture of exploding cookery ingredients (you don’t see that on Masterchef), evil scientists and giant snakes that I couldn’t really make head nor tail of- except to decipher that I probably wasn’t missing much. Although nothing spectacular, episode three is at least slightly better than its predecessors, starting with Izumida getting a day off and ending up with Ryoko gate crashing his evening as an attempt to lead some paparazzi a merry dance. I thought something clever was going to happen at the end, but ultimately it didn’t- probably an indication of how this show is going to be throughout.

*NEW* School Rumble San Gakki 1: Well, actually this is labelled “San Gakki 25”, but since episodes 1-24 don’t exist, all we have is this underwhelming two episode OVA to work with. As per the preview at the end of Nigakki, I was expecting the next part of School Rumble to be animated would be the England field trip, but instead we’re treated to a dull segment involving a class marathon, Tenma’s depression at being unable to confess to Karasuma and various other dull relationship issues. How can anyone even like Karasuma, who has the personality of a chalkboard? Does anyone really care who ends up with who at this point?

Slayers Revolution 4-5: Episode four finally carries us as far as the second chapter of the manga, with Amelia and Zelgadis befriending Pokota right before Lina and Gourry try to lure him out with a mage tank. In episode five we finally catch up with him, only to discover that he’s a prince of a lost country whose inhabitants are resting in crystal- by one Rezo. Now, you might recall that both Rezo and his copy were defeated in season one, but apparently if he was dead, the seal would have broken, so rather disappointingly he may somehow still be alive. In the meantime, however, Xellos has teamed up with the minor villain team of Super Armoured Tiger and Redhead Marquise- come on, Xellos, you can do better than these losers.

World Destruction 3: I haven’t made time for episode four yet (some may say that’s a good thing) but I did manage to catch the third episode of the increasingly tiresome World Destruction, in which our heroes get thrown in prison, only to plan a jailbreak that was totally unnecessary because one of the guards was prepared to bust them out anyway. I suppose the anime is at least achieving its goal of making me slightly interested in the game.

*NEW* Xam’d- Lost Memories 1-2: At long last we have a decent new series to offset the mediocrity, in the form of a new Studio Bones series that seems to be cross between Eureak Seven, Last Exile, FLCL and Fantastic Children. A normal high school student ends up with the ability to transform into a bizarre monster and thus ends up on the 2008 version of the Gekko-Go, ready for all kinds of new adventures to no doubt befall him. I have high hopes for this series, so with any luck it will deliver.

Thanks, I’ll take two.

Reviewed this week: Allison and Lillia 13, Antique Bakery 2, Blade of the Immortal 1, Hidamari Sketch x365 2, Itazura na Kiss 14, Koihime Musou 2, Natsume Yuujinchou 2, Persona 13-17, Ryoko’s Case File 1, Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 2, Telepathy Shoujo Ran 4, Wagaya no Oinari-sama 12-13

…and in manga: Ayu and Mayu 1, Bartender 4-6, Claymore 81, Elfen Lied 86-8, Gunslinger Girl 51-6, Minami-ke 32-3, Nodame Cantabile 120, Sketchbook 8-12, Tsubasa Chronicle 193

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- Chi plays
2. Kaiba (2) – who am I?
3. Soul Eater (3) – best exam ep ever
4. Hidamari Sketch x365 (4) – 365 times the fun
5. xxxHOLiC Kei (6) – typhoid Himawari
6. Natsume Yuujinchou (5) – Book of Friends
7. Nabari no Ou (7) – change of side
8. Wagaya no Oinari-sama (8) – hot springs
9. Slayers Revolution (10) – Dragon Slave
10. Persona Trinity Soul (9) – catch-up, start!
11. Koihime Musou (11) – Guan Yu has more breasts and less beard
12. World Destruction (12) – cats
13. Real Drive (13) – chat program
14. Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (15) – slooowww start
15. Ryoko’s Case File (-) – superintendant <-new!
16. Amatsuki (14) – Kuchiha
17. Antique Bakery (16) – super gay demon
18. Telepathy Shoujo Ran (17) – predictable
19. Himitsu (18) – faceless
20. Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu (-) – secret otaku
21. Blade of the Immortal (-) – immortal worms <- new!
22. Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (19) – kyouran kaizoku
23. Itazura na Kiss (20) – dislikeable cast
24. Allison and Lillia (21) – Travas-ty (sorry, Hanners)
25. Chocolate Underground (22) – chocolate is forbidden

Allison and Lillia 13: Maybe I’m just getting old, but between this and Itazura na Kiss, romance and its recent depiction in anime has really angried up the blood. Hardly the bastion of worth at the best of times, the final episode of the Allison arc rejoins our protagonists now that they are living together- although aside from the wedding rings you’d be hard-pressed to realise they actually had a relationship. Still, Allison and Wil seem happy enough, until Major Stork (or whatever his name is this week) decides that Wil should join his intelligence agency, which will necessitate leaving Allison and changing his very identity. What’s a guy to do when a suspicious mass murderer with lax parenting values tells you to leave the love of your life? Apparently, you should go along with it- and worse yet, Allison supports Wil’s decision, even failing to tell him that she’s just found out she’s pregnant.

So, after saying “I love you” for the first time as he leaves on the train, we flash forward fifteen years, where Allison is now living with her daughter Lillia, and going out with one Major Travas- who happens to be Wil with different coloured hair. So, if he could be Allison’s boyfriend, why did he have to leave forever? Why couldn’t he have just said no and got an academic job at the university or something? It took Allison long enough to get Wil to go out with her, so why did he have to be taken away? Or was such an emotionally stunted man even worth it in the first place?

Antique Bakery 2: The strawberries of doom seem to have taken a backseat this week as former boxer Eiji joins the Antique team- but despite being hired as a receptionist, his love of cake sees him train under HARD GAY chef. Although not quite as parody-worthy as the opening instalment, there’s still potential amidst the banter, not to mention a scene in which our protagonists pipe cream into holes in choux pastry.

*NEW* Blade of the Immortal 1: Giving an action series to Bee Train is like asking a three-year-old to paint the Mona Lisa- you just know that what you’re going to end up with will be a mess that bears very little resemblance to what you asked for. Anyway, in this series we meet a man who has worms inside him that grant immortality (no guffawing, please), but due to his past as a killer, practically everyone is after him- forcing him to kill again and again. Unfortunately, since straightforward action might strain the animation team at Bee Train, everything has to take place either off screen between still shots, or in a darkened room so that a minimum of detail needs to be shown. It’s not terribly interesting, but the series is short enough that it shouldn’t become another El Cazador de la Roots.

Hidamari Sketch x365 2: After last episode’s prequel to season one, we jump ahead to the end of the school year, with Sae’s sister Chika taking entrance exams and everyone else reflecting on how much has happened since they first came to the Hidamari Apartments. It’s another worthy dose of slice-of-life, although I wonder whether we’ll be jumping back to familiar old territory next episode or seeing everyone moving up to the next school year.

Itazura na Kiss 14: And now to the second romance fiasco of the week- the legendary wedding episode of Itazura na Kiss, in which all the development that didn’t happen in the first half of the series is crammed into one episode. Despite having been a complete bastard who treated her like dirt for half a series, Naoki can’t bear the thought of Kotoko marrying Kin-chan (and who could, really), and so he takes it upon himself to propose to her- because despite a large body of evidence to the contrary, he actually does have feelings for her. I assume I’m supposed to sigh and say ‘how romantic’, but come on- shouldn’t they at least go out for a while before getting engaged?

As if that wasn’t enough, however, Naoki’s mother decides it’s too dangerous for them not to get hitched straightaway, and even though a wedding costs about £20-30,000 on average, it somehow all gets arranged within the space of a week. Unreality aside, what happened to “marry in haste, repent at leisure”? Shouldn’t people get married because they want to, rather than because their mother forced them into it before they changed their mind? How can we enjoy such a poorly paced relationship? Isn’t Naoki just a bastard no matter how you look at it?

Oh, for goodness sake- get over yourself.

Koihime Musou 2: The great thing about Koihime Musou is that even though nothing momentous is ever going to happen, I love the Three Kingdoms and the character designs, I can have a fun time spotting them. This week, our heroines link up with the slightly HARD YURI Zhao Yun and Gongsun Zan in order to bust yet another den of generic looking bandits. I get the feeling that this will be the pattern for the series, but if we get to see all the Three Kingdoms favourites as beautiful women, who cares?

Natsume Yuujinchou 2: The returning of contracts is going well enough until a tiny shrine gods shows up to ask for his back, only for Natsume to realise it is stuck to another page in the Book of Friends. Since ripping the pages apart would be damaging to the spirits named within, Natsume and Nyanko-sensei must instead track down the other spirit so that they can both be released at the same time. There’s still a feeling of ‘why does it have to be this way?’ about the whole series, since it seems there must be easier ways for Natsume and Nyanko-sensei to achieve their goals, but the episode is nonetheless a solid one that builds to a decent conclusion- and let’s face it, Nyanko-sensei in cat form is worth the price of admission any day.

*NEW* Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 1: Although it sounds a lot like Kare Kano, I was immediately drawn to the idea of a ‘perfect girl’ who is a secret otaku- is it something I can identify with (well, apart from the fact that I’m far from perfect and my love of anime isn’t a secret)? Unfortunately, this episode isn’t really as exciting as I hoped, featuring a male lead who cooks for his two slobbish female flatmates for some reason, and naturally ends up discovering the perfect Nogizaka Haruka’s secret. His first job as her ‘accomplice’ is to return a manga magazine to the library after hours- hardly a terribly interesting start.

Persona Trinity Soul 13-17: During the first half of the series, I was fully prepared to accept that Persona would improve later on, but now that I’ve made inroads into the later episodes, I can’t say I’m entirely convinced. Although I admit that there are little details that would probably stand out as foreshadowing were I to go back and watch earlier episodes again, apart from Ryou’s undisclosed fate, not a great deal has actually happened. It just all feels too bland to care about- I’m more interested in buying the original game than anything this anime can offer.

*NEW* Ryoko’s Case File 1: Meet the typical detective odd couple- the beautiful and near flawless woman with a harsh personality and her loyal, long-suffering male aide. Together, they solve supernatural cases, and although there’s a lot of visual style to their antics, so far there has been little substance. In fact, aside from a humorous exchange between Ryoko and her rival, this episode wasn’t terribly interesting in terms of content- it’s only the characters that’s going to keep me watching for now.

Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 2: I have to admit that this is an improvement on the treacle slow first episode, but even so, there’s a lot of padding in this new series of Someday’s Dreamers- let’s face it, I don’t need to look at Photoshopped landscapes and listen to insert songs. When it gets to the story, however, this season is decent enough, with Sora attending her first magic class and meeting the usual line-up of characters- seemingly uncaring young man who probably has an ill sister, dead parents or some other family tragedy; rival magic user who aims to be class rep and top of the class and of course the amiable best friend type. There’s nothing her we haven’t seen before, but if the series can provide actual content, it should be solid enough, if not a patch on the original.

Telepathy Shoujo Ran 4: I’m beginning to think about parodying this series, and only the fact that the queue already contains several other series is putting me off. This time around, our heroes go on holiday to a village where something seems amiss- indeed, they even comment that something doesn’t seem right after the villagers threaten them with pitchforks (you think?). Unfortunately, this is only the beginning of the suspicious village arc, so we’ll have to wait until next week to see the thrilling conclusion.

Wagaya no Oinari-sama 12-13: It’s another double bill of predictability for Wagaya, starting with the obligatory hot springs episode in which everyone kicks back and relaxes, leaving poor Tohru to get menaced by a demon, and then proceeding to the equally obligatory culture festival. Fortunately, in the latter episode we do at least meet up with a new fox- a silver one nicknamed Tama-san who I’ve been waiting to see ever since I glimpsed them in the OP- whilst Sakura’s obsession with being the only woman for Noboru continues to be highly entertaining.

MANGA

*NEW* Ayu and Mayu 1: I think we all know by now that I pick up manga based on titles that have even the vaguest connection to things I’m familiar with, and indeed, this series was chosen because of Ayu and Mayu from Kimi ga Nozomu Eien (who have absolutely nothing to do with this manga, might I add). In fact, the series is more like Chokotto Sister II, featuring an older brother who tracks down two girls- one of whom is his long-lost little sister. Whilst he tries to figure out which is which, we’re treated to the usual rounds of fanservice and light entertainment, and whilst I can hardly call it good, this is a decent enough “brain lite” opening chapter.

Bartender 4-6: Although I feel I’m losing something through an imperfect translation, the Bartender manga continues to deliver what the anime couldn’t- tranquil enjoyment. First off, Ryu is asked to placate a foreign architect before he cancels an important job, but will even the promise of the oldest liquor in the world be enough after Ryu criticises the design of the bar? Next, Ryu’s friend decides to get close to the mysterious cabaret girl Akiko, but there is more to this strong and lonely young woman than meets the eye. Finally, a legendary bartender stops by Ryu’s bar, but will he be impressed with the young man’s talent? All of these chapters are calm, pleasant character pieces, with Ryu having far more personality than his more polished anime self did.

Claymore 81: Raki is back, and his newfound maturity has made him more likable, but why is he travelling with Priscilla? And what’s more, why has Priscilla forsaken eating humans to the point where her body has shrunk to that of a child, putting her at the very limits of hunger? Meanwhile, after encountering this strange pair, Claymore number six- Rene- heads off on her way, only to fall into a trap set by Awakened Beings. Thank goodness Claymore is improving all the time, whetting my appetite for more.

Elfen Lied 86-8: As volume ten ends and eleven begins, Nana is reunited with her Papa, but after Evil Scientist feels a rare moment of remorse and releases Barbara from his control, she turns on him and immediately heads off to dispatch both of them. Meanwhile, now that Main Villain has Lucy in his custody, he is free to do the obligatory explanation of his plans, telling her how the Diclonius are merely the resurgence of the powers his family once had- powers they lost and then attempted to regain by breeding near a radioactive lake where the mutation rate was high. He wants Lucy to bear his child and become the Eve of a new race, but all she wants is to go back and live with everyone. Now that the end is in sight, the pace is ramping up, but what will the outcome be? Whatever the case, there’s bound to be violence aplenty.

Gunslinger Girl 51-6: With Angelica gone, Triela knows that her time is running out- a fact that Hilshire is also well aware of. Desperate not to shorten her lifespan any longer, he takes on the next job alone, but when Triela finds out what she has done, she runs off into the night- and only the intervention of some old friends stop her from falling foul of the mafia. Now the time has come for Triela to finally learn of her connection to Hilshire’s past, but how will knowing the truth change their relationship? These are tragic times for one of my favourite characters, and it’s unlikely that there will be any sort of happy ending, but no matter how depressing it gets, Gunslinger Girl is still as excellent as ever.

Minami-ke 32-3: First up, we have the familiar segment in which Kana tries to get Chiaki to sleep in by making her stay up late, only to have them both babble for hours before falling asleep in the living room- it’s an amusing segment, but an uncomfortable reminder of how much I hate having my sleep interrupted. Next, Takeru comes over and manages to find all sorts of hidden items simply by dropping a pen in a straightforward yet utterly hilarious instalment. More of the same, please.

Nodame Cantabile 120: Whilst Chiaki spends his time practising with Rui for their upcoming performance, not being able to see him has hit Nodame hard- but at the same time, these feelings of despair might be just what she needs to bring out the best in her Beethoven. And with exams just around the corner, everyone’s going to have bring something special to their music if they want to stay in Paris- but who will succeed, and who will fail? Will this manga go on forever? Will I even mind if it does?

Sketchbook 8-12: Even though it doesn’t seem particularly long, these chapters complete the first volume of Sketchbook with more 4-koma goodness and plenty of cats; not only is this one of the most consistently funny 4-koma series I’ve read, but it also outmatches the anime by keeping things light and amusing instead of trying to inject some forced thoughtfulness. Here’s hoping for even more cats in the next volume.

Tsubasa Chronicle 193: It’s flashback extravaganza again this chapter, as Syaoran’s week with Sakura slowly draws to a close. What will happen when he goes back and Sakura finishes purification ceremony? Do we even care anymore?

There were times when we all felt that way about Busou Renkin.

Reviewed this week: Allison and Lillia 12, Amatsuki 8-9, Amuri in Star Ocean 1, Antique Bakery 1, Aria DVD Special, Chi’s Sweet Home 47-52, Chocolate Underground 4, Hidamari Sketch x365 1, Itazura na Kiss 13, Kaiba 9, KgNE Next Season 3, Koihime Musou 1, Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 10, Miyori no Mori, Nabari no Ou 13-14, Natsume Yuujinchou 1, Persona 12, Real Drive 11, Shion no Ou 22, Slayers Revolution 2, Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 1, Soul Eater 13-14, Telepathy Shoujo Ran 3, Wagaya no Oinari-sama 11, World Destruction 1

…and in manga: Tsubasa Chronicle 192

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- Chi plays
2. Kaiba (2) – who am I?
3. Soul Eater (3) – best exam ep ever
4. Hidamari Sketch x365 (-) – 365 times the fun <-new!
5. Natsume Yuujinchou (-) – Book of Friends <- new!
6. xxxHOLiC Kei (5) – typhoid Himawari
7. Nabari no Ou (6) – change of side
8. Wagaya no Oinari-sama (4) – part-time job
9. Persona Trinity Soul (7) – catch-up, start!
10. Slayers Revolution (8) – Dragon Slave
11. Koihime Musou (-) – Guan Yu has more breasts and less beard <-new!
12. World Destruction (-) – cats <-new!
13. Real Drive (9) – chat program
14. Amatsuki (11) – Kuchiha
15. Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (-) – slooowww start <-new!
16. Antique Bakery (-) – super gay demon <-new!
17. Telepathy Shoujo Ran (10) – mind-reader
18. Himitsu (12) – faceless
19. Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (13) – kyouran kaizoku
20. Itazura na Kiss (15) – dislikeable cast
21. Toshokan Sensou (14) – Dojo falls into the Lifestream <-complete!
22. Allison and Lillia (16) – Luke, I am your father
23. Chocolate Underground (17) – chocolate is forbidden

SLOW RANKINGS

1. Shion no Ou (1) – oh and by the way, I did it <-complete!
2. Tetsuko no Tabi (2)- is this ever going to be subbed?
3. Love GetChu! (3)- light entertainment
4. Gunslinger Girl- Il teatrino (4)- licensed
5. Himawari!! (5) – needs less plot

Allison and Lillia 12: Hello and welcome to another episode of such ridiculousness that even the lack of armour piercing pistols and super fast tanks can’t reduce the stupidity. You see, despite being a cold-blooded murderer and all-round suspicious sort, Major Stork is actually Allison’s long-lost father- and that makes everything all right. Never mind that he was a double agent who abandoned his own daughter and embarked upon a life of evil deeds- as long as he sends her a present on her next birthday, we can all play happy families again. Meanwhile, Benedict weds Fiona in a rather dodgy sham of a wedding ceremony, and Wil finally asks Allison to move in with him because it will save on living costs. How romantic.

Amatsuki 8-9: First up, it’s the obligatory flashback episode as we learn more of Kuchiha’s origins and how it ties in with various other supporting characters. Then it’s back to the present, where Toki and the others continue to take their quest at a measured pace (has no one told them that the series is ending soon?) and Heihachi gets a sound beating before learning about the past tragedy of a tree spirit and a fox demon. By this point it’s easy to see that the series’ main problem is that it doesn’t want to go anywhere fast- hardly a good move when the episode count is so low.

*NEW* Amuri in Star Ocean 1: Shallow as I am, I only acquired the first episode of this CG-animated OVA because it had ‘Star Ocean’ in the title, and perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered, given how little sense it all made. At some point in the future, solar radiation has caused the emergence of Adapters, humans with special abilities, and naturally the titular Amuri happens to be one of them. Thanks to her ‘Repulsion’ ability (she bounces off anything she touches, although the ability appears not be active 100% of the time as she can at least wear clothes), Amuri ends up in space with two other Adapter girls, where they somehow end up on the front lines of a stellar conflict- or so I just about gathered. Exactly what the point of it all might be is anyone’s guess.

*NEW* Antique Bakery 1: Through a mixture of hope that this would be like Bartender with cakes and desire to parody it, I decided to throw caution to the winds and see what a series about gay guys running a café would be like. In fact, very little happens in this first episode, which is mainly about introducing three of the four main characters; the (straight) proprietor of the Antique bakery/café who suffered trauma as a child when a burly man tried to force him to eat a strawberry cake of doom; the gay chef who got fired from all his other jobs because man of all sexual orientations can’t keep their hands off him and the boxer who learns he must quit his profession because of a detached retina (he learns this whilst eating a strawberry cake of doom). Expect parodies soon.

Aria the Origination DVD Special: Just when I thought that Aria had shown me all it had to offer in animated form, along came a special treat in the form of this DVD special. Billed as ‘episode 5.5’, the episode sees Akari take an afternoon off to wander round the places she doesn’t usually get to see in her work as an undine, and somehow Akatsuki ends up tailing her in hilarious fashion. This may only be a one-off extra episode, but one brief half-hour I was transported back to Neo Venezia, with all the wonders therein- humour mixed with poignant moments and just the right dash of magic.

Chocolate Underground 4: Four episodes in and our heroes finally get to the secret chocolate underground, a place of so many delectable treats that I could feel my mouth watering. Unfortunately, the preview tells us that the Chocolate Police are on the way to bust this modern-day speakeasy, which is something of a shame, but at least means the plot is going somewhere.

Chi’s Sweet Home 47-52: We’re halfway through Chi’s Sweet Home now and I never want it to end- whether she’s being left at home alone or going on an adventure with the big black cat (not that Chi thinks she’s a cat), Chi is so cute and lovable that I just want to pick her up and take her home.

*NEW* Hidamari Sketch x365 1: Having just finished the first season of Hidamari Sketch (plus the two special episodes), it hardly feels like x365 is new- it’s just a continuation of what I was watching a couple of weeks ago. That being said, anyone can jump in with this episode, which acts as a prequel to explain how Yuno came to attend Yamabuki High School and live in the Hidamari Apartments. As usual, there’s a good mix of slice-of-life and SHAFT craziness, so it’s all good fun.

Itazura na Kiss 13: You’d think that after half a series I might have warmed to the cast of Itazura na Kiss, but if anything, I hate them even more now that when I started. Whilst Kotoko contemplates marrying the annoying Kinnosuke through lack of other offers (wait a minute, girl, you’re only 19, there’s no need to rush), Naoki remains irritatingly silent about his true feelings, instead dating Christie through what seems to be a simple desire to ruffle everyone’s feathers. Will he finally come clean in the next episode? Even if he does marry Kotoko, as we know he must, do we really care anymore? How can everyone in this series be so shallow and annoying?

Kaiba 9: After what feels like an age of waiting, another episode of Kaiba has appeared to sate our appetites, not to mention deepen the mystery surrounding Popo, Neiro, Warp and ‘Kaiba’. For all his righteous talk, we already know that Popo is, to be frank, a bit of a bastard, but just how much has he manipulated Neiro’s memory? Quite a lot, it seems, and whether she can break through to the truth of her past will determine whether she’ll realise her feelings for Kaiba-Warp, or kill him in cold blood. One thing’s for sure- a series of this level of detail needs plenty of rewatching.

Kimi ga Nozomu Eien ~Next Season~ 3: Despite being labelled as the Haruka route, so far in this OVA we’ve had one episode about Haruka and another about Mitsuki, so it hardly seems surprising that the third instalment focuses on Akane. Torn between her feelings for Takayuki and her sister, Akane angsts her way through this half an hour, quietly suffering the awkward situation the two people closest to her have put her in. Unfortunately, even a cliff-hanger ending can’t really save this latest mediocre instalment in a mediocre OVA, and I’m becoming increasingly scared to go back to the TV series in case that too has lost its lustre.

*NEW* Koihime Musou 1: If Koutetsu Sangokushi was the HARD GAY retelling of the Three Kingdoms, then Koihime Musou must be the HARD YURI version, featuring as it does an all-female cast very loosely based on those famous historical figures. In this episode we meet the busty and beardless version of Guan Yu, who joins up with juvenile bandit Zhang Fei and shows her the error of her ways. Based on the ED, Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang will be joining them too, whilst beautiful women will also be representing the forces of Wu and Wei. It’s shallow, I know, but I like the character designs, I like the Three Kingdoms, and I prefer this to Ikkitousen, so I’m good to go.

Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 10: Each episode of Kyouran Kazoku Nikki represents its own little endurance trial, and this episode of ‘pirate frenzy’ is no different, featuring as it does a tiresome rivalry between two pirates as they race to be first to uncover a particular horde of treasure. Naturally, the family muscle their way into the action, resulting in another lacklustre outing filled with random madness and general lack of coherence. Why did I once think this series could make crazy humour work?

*MOVIE* Miyori no Mori: A two hour movie (well, 1:47 to be precise), Miyori no Mori is a pleasant little family film about a girl named Miyori who becomes guardian of a forest as a baby- hence the title. Flash forward ten years and Miyori is a city kid who is none too happy about being dumped in the countryside to live with her grandparents. Naturally, her prickly personality rubs everyone up the wrong way, but as she begins to accept the presence of the mysterious spirits in the forest, she becomes determined to save the forest from the plans of an evil corporation who want to build a dam and flood the village. It’s a pretty standard “kids versus evil capitalist” story, but it’s nicely animated and reminiscent of a Ghibli work.

Nabari no Ou 13-14: It’s time for something to happen as both sides head to Kouga Village, better known in the real world as a prestigious private school where ninjas attend special classes and no one else is any the wiser. Unfortunately, the Kouga student council has its own plans, resulting in a battle that ends up as a bit of a free-for-all. Nonetheless, there are some good moments in episode fourteen particularly, with Rokujou realising his feelings for Yoite, Yoite admitting that he really does want to live, and Aizawa putting his life on the line. Is the only way to exist in the world of Nabari to kill?

*NEW* Natsume Yuujinchou 1: When I previewed this series, I billed it as a sort of reverse Card Captor Sakura, and after the first episode, that’s still my impression, with our lead having to free all the monsters that his grandmother made contracts with. Helping him is by far and away the best part of the show- Nyanko-sensei, an Okami-esque creature who usually takes the form of a fortune cat. The only oddity is that Nyanko-sensei, who wants the contracts in the ‘Book of Friends’ for himself is helping on the condition that he gets the book if Natsume dies- so why not just kill him and take the book before too many contracts are lost?

Persona Trinity Soul 12: In amongst everything else, I’ve managed to fit in another episode of Persona for parody purposes, with this one revealing more about Ryou (who has to take drugs to control his Persona) and various shady evil forces. I’m still waiting for the point where the pace picks up and I understand what’s going on, but maybe that will come later.

Real Drive 11: After a couple of episodes which at least tried to get back to the main concept (in spite of poor execution), Real Drive is floating in shallow territory once more this time around as Minamo attends a classical music concert and learns that Kurama was once a legendary violin prodigy. The entire episode is then spent trying to return a violin to him- and, well, that’s about it. No, I know the series isn’t meant to be about violins, but what can you do?

*COMPLETE* Shion no Ou 22: The end of the series is finally here, and it’s the one we were all expecting as Shion outmatches Hani-meijin in their final game, and the police close in to finally arrest him. To be honest, the poor guy is probably in need of psychiatric help, given that he murdered Shion’s family just to help her improve at shogi. Yes, Hani, just because you lost your family means that everyone has to be orphaned in order to improve at shogi! Call me old-fashioned, but I’d prefer to just practise and play strong opponents. Also, Shion suddenly being able to speak again was a bit farfetched, if not unexpected.

Slayers Revolution 2: Remember the old days when you could cause general mayhem and destroy villages with abandon just because you were a main character? Well, those days are over, because Lina’s reputation is no so notorious that she’s about to be arrested for destruction she didn’t commit- unless she can find Digimon wannabe Pokota and prove that he is the real culprit. Unfortunately, the somewhat annoying Pokota is a slippery guy, so even a whole barrage of spells isn’t enough to stop him. Aside from the general annoyingness of Pokota, the episode is generally entertaining, but the animation is looking worse than ever- dare I say I preferred it in the old days?

*NEW* Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 1: I love the gentle tranquillity and beautiful artwork of the Someday’s Dreamers franchise, but somewhere along the line, this new anime has lost its way. With bland character designs and extended landscape shots (which aren’t even particularly impressive landscape shots since they seem to be slightly edited photography), this episode manages to accomplish in twenty-five minutes what the manga did better in a single chapter, as our main character heads off to Tokyo to begin training as a mage. Where’s the tortured love triangle, the mistake of going to the wrong place and only then finding out she was supposed to be in Tokyo? Where is Kumichi Yoshizuki’s beautiful, beautiful artwork?

Soul Eater 13-14: It’s time for two more instalments of straight-up entertainment with Soul Eater; first an action-packed episode in which Soul must overcome his fear of the black blood within him in order to battle an immortal werewolf, followed by a lighter-hearted and thoroughly enjoyable episode in which our protagonists must prepare for their exams with a flurry of study, preparation and downright cheating. This must surely be the most entertaining exam episode in the history of anime, featuring everything you could possibly want from such a story, all nicely wrapped up into a twenty-five minute bundle.

Telepathy Shoujo Ran 3: There’s an odd feeling of déjà vu in this episode as the bland and dull Tate Rui is captured by the evil Shiho Masked Villain, forcing Mai Ran to convince Natsuki Midori of the power of HiME friendship (whilst the enemy stands and waits) so they can fight this oddly familiar enemy. To be honest, I was hoping that Rui would turn out to be responsible for all the evil, but instead the kids’ teacher is the culprit, and now that the first enemy has been seen off (“I would have got away with it too, if not for those meddling kids”), they can go off and have fun and games whilst solving mysteries on the way. I can’t wait.

Oh, and for a couple more interesting observations, note how the shape of Midori’s eyes changed once she replaced evil with friendship, and how Evil Teacher’s mask somehow masked the scent of her perfume. Was it sprayed with Febreze?

*COMPLETE* Toshokan Sensou 12: Yes, the library wars have finally come to an end, with Riuva summarising it best in a post far more hilarious and satisfying that the episode itself could ever be. Whilst Kasahara looks after the unresponsive Dojo, various other things happen as we patiently wait for the inevitable happy ending between the two. So many people seem to have loved this series, but I just didn’t get it; maybe I’m just emotionally starved or something.

Wagaya no Oinari-sama 11: With the last arc finally done and dusted, the series is ready to move onto another adventure, although not an especially enticing one. What with all the breakages and house damage that she’s managed to cause, Kou decides she should really start making up for it by getting a part-time job, but guess what- she’s too much of a klutz to do more than rack up the destruction in the workplace as well. As the bills mount up, Kuu-chan decides to try working too, but even though she doesn’t do as badly as Kou, neither of them seem to be able to stay in work for very long, resulting in a painfully predictable instalment that returns everything to the status quo at the end. To be fair, even a couple of years ago I would have enjoyed this episode, but at this point it’s just annoyingly predictable.

*NEW* World Destruction 1: Although I wasn’t really intending to try this latest in a long line of RPG-based series, when Hanners showed me a screencap of Chocolat-esque cats, I knew I had to watch it. As it turns out (and these may be famous last words), the opening episode wasn’t too bad, introducing a world where humans are inferior to beastmen and one woman plots to destroy the world with a simple sphere. After our hero gets dragged along with her, action and craziness follow, and whilst it wasn’t anything special, it has at least proved entertaining for now. Here’s hoping it’s not going to degenerate in future episodes.

MANGA

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 192: I was expecting something a bit more spectacular after CLAMP went on hiatus between this chapter and the last, but all we get is a continuation of the Flashback Mode as Syaoran Jr reveals that he has both his father’s name and sword, and well, very little else happens. Who knows how it long it will be before we actually see any kind of plot development?

Allison and Lillia’s handbook for life

Do you have difficulty in social situations? Do you just not know what to do when put on the spot? Luckily, Allison and Wil have put together a convenient handbook that will sit snugly on your bookshelf right next to “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

• When old men tell tall tales, don’t hesitate to believe them. Who knows, their wild stories of war-ending treasures might just be true, and if not, at least you got a nice cup of tea for your efforts.
• When suspicious old ladies offer you a cup of tea, drink it without reservation. Even if she locks you in her cellar, it shouldn’t be too hard to get out.
• When dictators attack, don’t leave it to the highly trained security guards. Remember, he’ll invariably flee for the roof of the nearest building, and then you can just blow him off with the wake from your plane.
• When mysterious majors order you to attack military trains and tanks, just go along without question. Remember, tanks are super-fast vehicles with a low rate of fire, whilst armoured trains are no match for a standard service revolver.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei: the lost chapters

Sensei takes his class to the canteen.

Chiri: Sensei, why are we here? It’s not lunchtime yet!

Sensei: Class, today we’re having a special lesson on how to eat difficult foods! We’ll start with spaghetti.

Sensei tries to eat some spaghetti, but it goes wrong.

Kafka: Don’t worry, Sensei- if you can’t twirl it, just cut it up.

Sensei: But that’s not acceptable in polite company! Zetsubou shita! These hard to eat foods have left me in despair!

• Precariously arranged restaurant dishes where you don’t know where to start.
• Meat that can’t be cut because the knife is too blunt.
• Unsliced bread that requires a steady hand to make a perfect slice.
• Cream puffs that leak out as you bite into them.
• Seafood and shellfish that defies access.
• Working inwards with the cutlery, only to realise it’s been mixed up to catch you out.
• Trying to spoon food on your plate and getting one bean at a time.

Shion no Ou 21

“I don’t have time for Pleasure right now!”

“…when we will have a Pleasure extravaganza!”

“I’m just going to have Hyper Self Pleasure tonight.”

“I don’t want them to catch me at it.”

“If I decide to have full Pleasure, I’ll let you know.”

“I think he did it because he was a transvestite, but everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.”

“I admit it- I practised with Hyper Self Pleasure!”

Kurenai 12

Yayoi contemplates trying a new HARD YURI technique.

“Eh? You want to get adventurous?”

“I may not be able to control it.”

“Don’t worry, I’m ready.”

“Then let me show you the heights of Pleasure!”

This Week in Anime

Thanks to loli_slayer for sending in the last two images.

Zetsubou shita! These notes have left me in despair!

Zetsubou shita! Marco’s face has left me in despair!

But which is better- small orange fruit or large green fruit? There’s only one way to find out….FIGHT!

It seems that small orange fruit has won, against all the odds.

Wide angle shots return!

From now on, Tuesday Rumble will be spotting rubber ducks as well.

World’s most athletic fat cat spotted.

“Ballroom, latin or freestyle?”

“…a Zhuge Liang?”

It was love at first sight…

…but would their relationship last?

Classic PC Games: Raptor- Call of the Shadows

Take on the role of a mercenary and battle against the forces of an evil organisation in this top scrolling shooter from 1995. With nine levels in the shareware version and additional regions to unlock in the full version, Raptor throws wave upon wave of enemies at you, from the straightforward to the fiendishly complicated. Fortunately, the more money you earn, the more you can upgrade your ship with shields and killer weapons- and if you can’t get enough first time around, then you’ll be sent back to the beginning with your bank balance intact to start saving up for the next purchase. Overall, it’s good fun, and even though it can get repetitive whilst trying to save up, it also proves addictive in brief bursts.

Harem of the week: Hino Kahoko (La Corda d’Oro)

With her magical violin, she set out to win a music competition despite having no previous experience, but along the way she would meet her fair share of musically inclined bishounen.

Harem

Tsuchiura: A good friend from the ‘normal’ section of the school, he gave up the piano and focused on soccer until the plot dictated otherwise.

Tsukimori: The cold-hearted overachiever who also studies the violin- can Kahoko melt him even a little?

Yunoki: The most popular bishounen in the school- talented, relaxed and universally adored.

Hihara: The easygoing senpai who’s a little rough around the edges.

Shimizu: The sleepy and often detached blonde-haired ‘shota’.

Wil: Won’t they see us?

Allison: Don’t worry- main character power is rendering us invisible and inaudible.

They fly on and cross the border- only to get shot at.

Wil: Hey, what happened to main character power?

Allison: It’s okay, everything’s going to plan! I’m just pretending to spin out of control to throw them off our trail! Now I’m just pretending that we’re plummeting towards the ground! Now I’ll pretend to crash!

The plane crashes.

Allison: Well, at least we came away unharmed.

Allison and Wil sit in the woods and eat rations.

Allison: Hey, this is just like the picnics we used to have.

Wil: I don’t remember us ever sitting in a foreign wood in the middle of the night.

Allison: Ah, the good old days- we’ve been friends forever, haven’t we? Long enough for us to discover our true feelings for each other.

Wil: Yes, our true feelings- of firm friendship.

As morning magically arrives within moments, Allison and Wil spot a fawn, but when they approach it, the mother deer attacks, kicking Wil in the head.

(Allison: Thank god Wil’s so thick-headed- there shouldn’t be any lasting damage.)

Wil: Uh, I feel like I’ve lost 20 IQ points. Also, my legs feel a bit weak- would you mind carrying me all day today?

Allison duly carries Wil until they find the Mysterious Convenient House in the Middle of Nowhere.

Allison: That’s main character power at work!

A woman, Travas Radia, emerges and they go indoors.

Travas: Kicked in the head by a deer, you say? Who are you, anyway?

(Allison: I see no reason not to trust this random woman who lives in the middle of nowhere.)

Allison: I’m Allison Whittington from the air force, and this is my childhood friend Wilhelm Schulz! We’re trying to rescue a kidnapped old man and find a legendary secret treasure!

Travas: Whatever- I didn’t ask for you life story. Oh, and by the way, I automatically hate all soldiers, but since it wouldn’t be sporting to do it tonight, I’ll turn you into the police tomorrow.

Somehow it once again automatically becomes evening.

Allison: Oh well, since there’s only a bed for you, Wil, I guess I’ll have to sleep outside on the stony earth, with only slugs and pebbles for company.

Wil: Hmm? Oh, that gives me an idea!

Allison: Yes?

Wil: Why don’t we share a bed-

(Allison: Yes!)

Wil: -just like good friends should?

(Allison: Damn!)

The next morning, Wil gets up early.

Travas: You two- you’re main characters, aren’t you?

Wil: That’s right.

Travas: In that case, let me get screen time by telling you my life story. You see, my two boys were killed in the war, so I live here in the middle of nowhere in case fighting breaks out again- that way, I, an elderly woman, can rush straight to the front lines and cut a swathe of destruction through the ranks of highly trained enemy soldiers. Anyway, enough of that- let’s have breakfast.

Allison comes back.

Wil: Hey Allison, let’s go and find the treasure- I’m sure it exists.

Travas: Wait a minute- what treasure?

Wil: A magical treasure that will automatically end the war, of course!

Travas: Oh, why didn’t you say? Here, take my sons’ uniforms as a disguise- they’re on size fits all! Oh, and this gun too- I need to clear all this old army junk out of the house.

Wil: Thank you very much.

Travia: Oh no, it’s me who should be thanking you- just by coming into my lives for one night, you’ve made me realise that I’ve wasted the last decade hating the Roxche army. I feel so much better now!

Allison and Wil head off on their way.

To be continued…

Allison and Lillia: the game

Can’t get enough of Allison and Lillia? Need something to do when each episode finishes? Well, fear not, because we have just the thing for you- Allison and Lillia: the game! An action-based game, A&L throws conventional physics out of the window for the most rip-roaring ride you’ve ever experienced! Shoot down trains with pistols, try to outrun an insanely fast tank and even blow your enemies off rooftops with the power of your plane- it’s all possible in A&L: the game! Reserve your copy today, because they’ll be disappearing off the shelves faster than you can say “Wil is an idiot”!

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei: the lost chapters

Sensei enters the classroom and tosses out a pair of dancing shoes.

Kafka: Sensei, have you been dancing?

Sensei: Yes, but I can’t get on with it at all! None of the steps are anything like their names!

Kafka: But they’re just metaphors- everything has to have a name.

Sensei: Zetsubou shita! The society that encourages bizarre names for dance moves has left me in despair!

• A ‘hand on bum’ step that involves placing the hand on the hip.
• A ‘neckbreaker’ that involves no breaking of bones.
• ‘Sliding doors’ that aren’t in a doorway.
• A ‘whip’ that has nothing to do with S&M.
• An ‘octopus’ that doesn’t have eight legs.
• An ‘American spin’ that doesn’t take place in America.

Nabari no Ou 1-3

“There’s nothing wrong with satisfying the need for Pleasure.”

“And I’d just like to say that I’ll always be ready and willing to help get your motor running.”

“I should never have tried having Hyper Self Pleasure for ten days straight!”

“Pleasure techniques that no-one was meant to know are contained within them!”

“…of Ultimate Self Pleasure!”

“No matter the kind of Pleasure, we’re all gagging for it!”

“I still remember how great it felt!”

“When this guy said he had a dragon, he wasn’t kidding!”

“Why does everyone want to get inside my pants?”

“That way, I thought I could improve my Pleasure experience!”

“How many time do I have to tell you that I don’t care about advanced Pleasure?”

“And stop trying to take me without my consent!”

“He’s too big to take it out all at once- your backside would be ruined!”

“Just don’t let anyone else know how to do this!”

“You must become King of the Bedroom!”

An evil pimp appears.

“He’s my partner!”

“No longer should we feel embarrassed over our love of HARD GAY porn!”

“They took his Liang!?”

“I’ve assigned five partners to my bed for tonight.”

“Will that be enough for your insatiable appetite?”

“What’s wrong- don’t you like Gun?”

“We should aim for variety in the bedroom!”

This Week in Anime

Take note of the fruit in the background- they may the most intelligent life forms in the entirety of Allison and Lillia.

“Pizza-La, for the days before Studio Bones could bring you Pizza Hut.”

“And this, Rose, is our latest enemy.”

“You can’t be serious…”

Zetsubou shita! Sickness has left me in despair!

And people say bananas aren’t corrupt in the slightest.

“Yes! I’ve finally found a girl who knows how to Pleasure a man!”

“Tezuka, is there something wrong with you?”

“If you need the toilet, stop holding it in and just go!”

“How did you guess? Was it the way I’m sitting?”

“This apple will save us from the orange threat!”

“This is larger than any other fruit seen in anime so far!”

“Never! We apples will remain supreme! Exterminate all other fruit!”

“Sorry, I thought you said I like my Pizza Hut…”

Stay healthy- eat apples.

“Okay, who ate my Pizza-La?”

“Zetsubou shita! The society that encourages people to eat pizza has left me in despair!”

Classic PC games: Paganitzu

A sequel to the game Chaganitzu (a title so old that it played at insane speeds even on a Windows 98 PC), Paganitzu takes Indiana Jones rip-off Alabama Smith deep inside a giant pyramid of the same name, where he must solve puzzles involving keys, spitting cobras and deadly spiders that sever Smith’s head the moment he goes anywhere near them. It’s good fun, if frustratingly hard at times, featuring tens of rooms for our hero to navigate through that range from straightforward to fiendishly hideous. Just remember that whilst you will need speed and quick reflexes as well as puzzle solving abilities, don’t even think of going on the attack- Alabama doesn’t even have a whip to his name with which to fend off the enemy.

Harem of the week: Fayt Leingod (Star Ocean 3)

With destiny on his side, Fayt was able to catch the eye of the ladies on his journey to save Elicoor II and the galaxy.

Harem

Sophia: The childhood friend and main contender for Fayt’s heart.

Maria: The bold and brave ‘other woman’ who shares a past secret with Fayt.

Albel: The anti-hero swordsman who visits Fayt’s room late at night if you trigger the scene needed to recruit him in disc one.

Peppita: A young and outspoken performer.

Ameena: An Elicoorian who resembles Sophia; she strikes up a friendship with Fayt even though her heart ultimately lies with her childhood friend Dio.

Reviewed this week: Allison and Lillia 10-11, Chocolate Underground 1, Kaiba 8, Kurenai 11-12, Mnemosyne 5, Toshokan Sensou 11

…and in manga: FMA 1-84, Minami-ke 30-1

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

1. Kurenai (1) – masterful
2. Chi’s Sweet Home (2)- Chi plays
3. Kaiba (3) – who am I?
4. Nabari no Ou (4) – clan massacre
5. Soul Eater (5) – Bones does shounen
6. Wagaya no Oinari-sama (6) – fox trap
7. xxxHOLiC Kei (7) – typhoid Himawari
8. Persona Trinity Soul (8) – catch-up, start!
9. Real Drive (9) – they’re dogs, and they’re on the internet!
10. Itazura na Kiss (10) – hospital
11. Amatsuki (11) – the new Shounen Onmyouji
12. Himitsu (12) – faceless
13. Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (13) – shinigami
14. Toshokan Sensou (14) – library wars
15. Allison and Lillia (15) – yawn
16. Chocolate Underground (-) – chocolate is forbidden <- new!

Allison and Lillia 10-11: The stupidity of Allison and Lillia reaches new heights as this arc continues, starting with Allison and Wil witnessing the murder of the conductor, before allying with the clearly suspicious Major Stork to fight off a military train with a pistol (no, really) followed by a tank that can somehow keep up with a train. I want to spend time making intense fun of it, but that must be left for the parodies.

*NEW* Chocolate Underground 1: With its 3-5 minute episodes, it hardly seemed like too much of an investment to tuck into the first instalment of Chocolate Underground, a series about a world where the use, sale and distribution of chocolate is now illegal. Naturally, in this Prohibition-esque era, bootlegging is rife, but there isn’t much of excitement in this episode, which basically serves to introduce the main characters and the world of constant health food ads that they inhabit. It’s hardly stunning stuff, and it was made even worse by the fact that the sound was out of sync for much of the episode.

Kaiba 8: The plot ramps up in this episode, with important revelations about Popo and Warp changing the playing field of the series once again. Although Popo is part of a group that forbids the use of memory chips and body swaps, we know that he has changed bodies at least once- and he’ll even go so far as to forsake his own mother in order to keep his secret hidden. Meanwhile, the kind Warp is a man who has had hundreds of copies of his body made, only a few of which contain his true powers. Currently, the king is in one of the inferior bodies, but the one that Kaiba started out in is the ‘true’ body that he needs. And what of the memory eating plant, which has continued to devour planets? Can it be stopped?

*COMPLETE* Kurenai 11-12: With Benika, Yayoi and Shinkurou having resolved to take back Murasaki, the time has come for an assault on the Kuhouins, and that is just what episode eleven delivers- all the slick and fast-paced action that you could have ever hoped for. It is a masterful stroke in an excellent series, but unfortunately it is also one that leaves episode twelve with the unenviable task of having to wrap it all up. With that in mind, it comes as no surprise that the series can only end ‘as well as expected’, failing to live up to its predecessors with narrative conveniences such as Shinkurou and Yayoi magically levelling up to defeat previously untouchable enemies and Murasaki vowing to single-handedly challenge the all-powerful Kuhouins, but nonetheless there are some good moments, and overall a pleasant taste is less in the mouth. And yet, was this series Gold+ or Platinum?

Mnemosyne 5: The year is 2055, reality and the internet have merged and Teruki Maeno has a daughter- but happened to Rin? As it turns out, even being shredded by the engine of a plane wasn’t enough to keep her down forever, but with her regeneration taking the better part of a decade, she has been left without a memory. Even so, now that Rin is an office lady, who is the Rin lookalike who is going around murdering immortals? This is a mildly interesting episode, but the gratuitousness is still present, and to be honest there’s little that can enhance my reduced interest in the series other than a proper explanation of what’s going on followed by a solid conclusion.

Toshokan Sensou 11: The Media Enhancement Committee are ready to launch their attack on the controversial artwork, so it’s up to the Library Forces to defend it- with their lives if necessary. As always, there’s just something that doesn’t hang right about the combat, leaving me feeling disappointed and unfulfilled. Oh well, just one more episode to go.

MANGA

*CATCH-UP* Fullmetal Alchemist 1-84: I’ll be reviewing it properly in due course, but suffice to say that at long last I am up to date on the FMA manga, and it’s proved to be rewarding if frustrating (I need to know hoe it’s going to end). With key difference in the Homunculi and their creator, the FMA manga promises a deeper and more involved story than the anime could manage, with the latest chapter ending on a cliff-hanger that I absolutely must see resolved.

Minami-ke 30-1: It’s time for two more brief stays in the Minami-ke world with this duet of chapters; first up, we get to relive Hosaka developing an interest in Haruka and thus taking up cooking, before we see how utterly futile it is to try to argue with Chiaki.

Teacher: Wil, this series is going to be boring if all you do is read books all the time. How about a bit of exposition to explain to viewers what this world is all about?

Wil: Well, there’s not much to say, really- our continent is made up of two countries who have been at war for 130 years over which one is older

Allison’s plane flies in and lands.

(Wil: Damn, it’s Allison- now I’ll have to be a supporting character on her adventures.)

Allison: Never fear, Allison’s here! I’ll be your main character for the first half of the series, and we’ll have lots of exciting adventures!

Allison and Wil head down to the river.

(Allison: Now’s my chance to make Wil realise his feelings for me!)

Allison: Hey Wil, I got a love letter the other day from some guy who wants to go out with me. I think he may be a named character.

Wil: Oh, that’s nice.

(Allison: You idiot! Get jealous or something!)

Allison: I declined, of course- I’m waiting for the right man.

Wil: You did? You should have agreed to it!

(Allison: This could take longer than I thought.)

Allison and Wil drive away.

Wil: Oh, by the way, I’m also a skilled marksman- I even took a prize in a shooting tournament.

Allison: Hmm, that’s at odds with your dull, bookish character, but I suppose if it’s necessary for the plot, I can accept it.

Wil: Look out- old guy at twelve o’clock!

(Old Man: At last, a chance to horn in on the plot!)

Old Man: Excuse me, but can you give me a ride home?

They drive the old man home before coming in for tea.

Old Man: You know, I really am great- top at everything, a close personal friend of the royal family, you name it…

Allison: You’re just making this up, aren’t you?

(Old Man: Busted!)

Old Man: Er, um, well…yes, but I do have one story that’s real! I know of an amazing treasure that could end the war! I found it during the poison gas operation that somehow saved our country by releasing poison gas in an abandoned underground cave network!

Allison: Well, since you’re a pathological liar and just some random old man we picked up off the side of the road, I see no reason not to believe you. Let’s go and look for the treasure.

A tall, suspicious looking man enters.

Man: Hello, I’m a suspicious person and I’d like you to come with me for vague and largely unspecified issues, if you wouldn’t mind?

Old Man: Sounds good to me.

The old man leaves.

Wil: Something’s not right here- I’d even go so far as to say that nameless man was a little suspicious.

Allison: Really? We have to do something!

Allison and Wil speed after the suspicious man’s suspicious black car, but their pursuit is stalled when he shoots at them. They continue onwards on foot, reaching their destination at nightfall just as a plane takes off.

Allison: The plane’s already taken off, but let’s look inside anyway! Impossible Jump!

Allison somehow launches herself over a 6-7 foot gate, dragging Wil after her.

Allison: Oh, it looks like they’ve left an unguarded plane here so that we can follow them! Let’s go!

They take off in pursuit.

To be continued…