Azure Flame Reloaded

Antique Bakery parody episode 3

Karura — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 22:55:03 +0000

The day of the grand opening has finally arrived.

Tachibana: Antique- open for business!

Ono: Sweet cakes and HARD GAY for all!

Eiji: Why’s it called ‘Antique’ anyway?

Unfortunately, the rain ensures a lack of customers- at least until one woman shows up.

Ono: All right, STRAIGHT boy, show me how you deal with women.

Tachibana: Why of course. Madam, is there anything you would like?

Tachibana turns up the STRAIGHT charm.

(Ono: Hmm, he’s rather skilled after all- turning him will require extra effort.)

As the customers start to flow in, Tachibana uses his STRAIGHT skills to wow the ladies, and even ends up selling twenty cakes to a male customer.

(Ono: Ah-ha, HARD GAY is creeping in even when you don’t notice!)

A car stops at the bakery and a sunglasses-wearing man gets out.

Tachibana: Oh no- this guy’s been after my body for ages!

Tachibana tries to hide under the table.

Man: Scanning…target detected.

The man finds Tachibana.

Man: Master, I live to serve.

Eiji: Who is this?

Tachibana: Ah, well- I’m actually the son of a rich family, and this man is my-

Man: I am your everything, Master!

Tachibana: No! He’s Kobayakawa Chikage- a houseboy at my parents’ place.

Chikage: How cruel- I thought we were much more than that!

Tachibana: Shut up! I was hoping that I could get away from you!

Chikage: Very well, then- I’ll content myself with stalking you from afar.

Chikage leaves.

Ono: Ah, so you were HARD GAY after all! And all this time I thought you were STRAIGHT!

Tachibana: I’m not HARD GAY! My relationship with Chikage is strictly platonic! His mother died and his father probably disappeared before that, so we’re his only family.

Ono: Well, they do say that the incidence of childhood friends becoming lovers is exceedingly high.

(Ono: I must exploit this chink in Tachibana’s armour! He’ll join the HARD GAY side yet!)

Tachibana: Well, I guess now that he’s found me we’ll have to start living together again- it’s not like I want to, but it’s unavoidable.

(Ono: Living together!? Forget about turning Tachibana, this guy could be a real rival!)

Chikage continues to wait outside in the rain.

Ono: Eiji, come out back and help me ‘pipe’ some ‘cream’.

Ono and Eiji go out to the kitchen.

Ono: Hey Eiji, would you like to do the ‘piping’ this time?

Eiji: Sure thing!

(Ono: At least this boy is well trained.)

Tachibana has a flashback to a troubled night he had as a boy, and how Chikage comforted him.

(Tachibana: No, I mustn’t fall prey to Flashback Mode! My relationship with Chikage was purely platonic! Platonic!)

Chikage: How can you keep calling what we had together platonic?

Tachibana: Aagh, where did you come from? Oh well, at least make yourself useful and buy us some lunch.

Chikage: Yes, Master!

Chikage and Eiji head off to buy lunch, but when it starts raining even harder, Tachibana decides to go after Eiji. Meanwhile, Chikage somehow manages to get his car towed away and has to return to the bakery.

Chikage: I’m sorry for causing all this trouble!

Chikage hits his head on the doorway and knocks his sunglasses off. HARD GAY energy flows out of him.

(Ono: What’s happening!? I’m falling for him! I want to resist, but my HARD GAY reflexes are taking over!)

(Chikage: What’s this overwhelming feeling of HARD GAY? I must resist- Tachibana is the only man for me!)

Ono: I, uh, I have to go!

Ono rushes out into the rain to take a cold shower.

Ono: I’m HARD GAY in the rain, just HARD GAY in the rain! What a glorious feeling, a HARD ON again!

Ono walks back to Chikage.

Ono: Chikage, I choose you!

(Chikage: But, Tachibana…no, it’s no good! I want this patissier to fill me with his exquisite cream!)

Ono: Shall we dance? I hope you know the HARD GAY two-step.

Finally, Ono realises what he is doing.

Ono: I- I’m so sorry, really, who dances in the rain these days? We should go inside, I mean to get changed, of course! Man, I’d love a nice hot bath right about now!

(Ono: Aagh, everything I say comes out HARD GAY! I’m going to scare him off!)

Chikage: I hope we can do this again sometime.

Later, Ono is drying off indoors and thinking about Chikage.

(Ono: Tachibana, I’m sorry, what have I done? I know, I’ll try the old cool act- that’ll set things right.)

But as it turns out, Chikage comes round later with flowers.

Chikage: I, er, would you like to go out to dinner with me? I thought we could go to a family restaurant.

Ono: You’re new to the whole HARD GAY dating scene, aren’t you? Anyway, what about Tachibana?

Chikage: He’s going to be late tonight- he’ll never know!

(Ono: I must resist! Tachibana is the true prize, but…)

Ono: I’ve got an idea- why don’t we skip tea and get straight down to the sex? But I have one condition- Tachibana must never know about this!

Chikage: Don’t worry- it’ll be our little secret.

To be continued…

Tuesday Rumble: August 5th

Karura — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 22:41:40 +0000

Dragons’ Den

Welcome to our regular feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral’s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

Braving the Den this week is John, a chef with a rather unique line of recipes to sell.

John: Hello Dragons. I’m generic chef John and I have come up with a new food line that is bound to outsell anything on the market so far! I call it the Chocolate Underground Collection!

Aria: Punyu! [Sounds great- is it a new line of rich chocolate confectionary?]

John: Uh, no- it’s actually a line of health foods based on the restrictions from Chocolate Underground. Since chocolate, vanilla, honey and pretty much every flavouring is forbidden, I’m come with a unique line of bland mushes that should satisfy every palate.

Mr Tibbs: Surely it’s possible to make tasty health foods? What about mixed fruit packs?

John: Hmm, I hadn’t considered that- but here, try this bran mush before you start complaining.

The Dragons reluctantly try John’s bran mush, but none of them seem impressed by its lack of flavour.

Mikoto: I’m not impressed by the complete lack of flavour. I don’t see this selling anywhere, and that’s why I’m out.

Aria: Punyu! [Agreed- I’m out too.]

Admiral: I made my fortune from Chinese restaurants, so I doubt there’s anyone here who knows more about food than I do- and I can tell you that you need to go back to the drawing board with this one.

Mr Tibbs: Forget the drawing board- take it straight to the bin.

Cardinal: Selling health foods to fat cats was a mistake from the start. I think I speak for all of us when I wish you a speedy farewell.

John has crashed out of the Den in flames! Will the next entrepreneur fare any better?

This Week in Anime

You can’t have a viridian cocktail without a slice of lemon.

Team A has chosen to prepare outdoor baked fish the traditional way, but impatient cooks must beware not to undercook it.

Meanwhile, Team B is preparing Unspecified Floating Brown Object Stew using a wood oven.

Members of the Orange Society have a secret meeting.

Lina tires of the prevalence of fruit in anime.

Hands up who’s thinking of that scene in Harry Potter where Sirius talks through the fireplace.

After seeing its compatriot hanged, this poor banana is about to spend its life in captivity.

If in doubt, there’s always the Harvest Moon way of life.

Don’t even ask what’s going on here.

But which is better- melons or bananas? There’s only one way to find out- FIGHT!

Melons emerge as the winner of this impromptu battle.

Why choose between different fruits when you can have them all?

Disillusioned with all the outdoor foods that are being cooked above, our critics opt for a gourmet night out instead- complete with Strawberries of Doom.

A rubber duck encourages Momoko to suggest bath HARD YURI.

“I am the destined guardian of these apples.”

“Boy, you’re wasting your life- join the orange side!”

“But beware- this is what happens to anyone who tries to leave our exclusive club.”

Anime World Tour: Toshokan Sensou

Welcome to a world where censorship protects you from all the evils that lurk in books! Never worry again that your children are indulging in unsuitable reading- everything here is safe and sanitised! We have committees working day and night to keep everything pure and acceptable to your eyes, so relax and let us take care of it! And don’t worry about those libraries- they’re just there so we can keep all the filth isolated in one place!

Harem of the week: Ukiya Shun (Gatekeepers)

As a main character with special powers, it was no wonder that Ukiya could gather women around him, but would romance take a backseat to saving the world from generic invaders?

Harem

Ruriko: The childhood friend and main girl, this tsundere hides her feelings under a veneer of anger that Ukiya remembers her as “snot-nosed Rurippe”.

Reiko: The none-too-bright rich girl.

Kaoru: The main rival, a forward girl with amazing athletic prowess.

Fei: The genius loli from China.

Yukino: The quiet and mysterious girl whose connection to the team is the only way to escape her isolated existence.

Kurogane: The smart-aleck meganekko.

Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga

Karura — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:45:12 +0000

In the world of the Junkyard, six tribes are embroiled in a war where the victor can claim the right to escape the turmoil and enter the promised land of Nirvana. The conflict has been locked in a stalemate as long as anyone can remember, but all that changes the day a mysterious light appears in the sky. Changed by the light, the people of the Junkyard now have the ability to transform into demons and literally devour their enemies- a powerful new ability that should decide the course of the war one way or another. And for Serph, the young leader of the Embryon tribe, it is the start of a journey to save a mysterious young woman who appeared in the Junkyard at the moment when this all began.

An offshoot of the ever popular Shin Megami Tensei franchise of games, Digital Devil Saga’s initially rather cryptic title (trust me, it will make sense by the end) hides what turns out to be one of the more compelling RPGs out there. With a battle system that demands skill and strategy rather than brute force, and a game play style so addictive that you simply cannot tear yourself away once you start playing, DDS is a hidden gem even for those who thought they knew the RPG scene.

The Junkyard

During your adventures in the Junkyard, you take on the role of Serph, the quiet leader of the Embryon whose goal it is to defeat all the other tribes and reach Nirvana. What this basically means is that you and your team are embroiled in a battle royale situation, and unlike certain other series, that means there’s no beating about the bush- you’re out to put a permanent end to your rivals.

What this boils down to, of course, is visiting different areas and taking on the other tribes. There aren’t actually all that many locations in the game to visit, but each dungeon takes a while to complete, so all in all you get a decent playtime for the game. Not only will each area have several levels (luckily you can refer to a map to see everywhere you’ve been), but you’ll be solving puzzles along the way- everything from simple gate and switch setups to a few more complex situations such as having a limited time to swim through underground water pipes.

Fortunately, save points (or Karma terminals, as they are known), are relatively plentiful in the game, although game play is so addictive that your intention to just play to the next save point usually becomes ‘play for the next three hours’. Karma terminal come in two types- large Karma terminals will let you restore your party (for a price), whilst small ones lack this facility but do allow you to teleport to the nearest large terminal (a good way to avoid backtracking once you’ve completed a dungeon). Also scattered about the world are vendors, life terminals and rejuvenation points; the latter two have the same function of healing you, but with the difference that life terminals cost money.

Whilst playing the game, you’ll also notice a gauge in the top left corner measuring ‘Solar Noise’. The manual will very vaguely tell you that ‘Solar Noise affects your characters in different ways’, but don’t worry if you don’t have much of a clue what it does; it only affects the selling price of certain items, the damage done by a handful of abilities and the aforementioned water pipe mini-game.

Also available in certain areas is the ability to go ‘Field Hunting’; a more action-orientated game play mode, Field Hunting lets Serph slash minor demons (basically balls of light)- get enough within the time limit, and you’ll battle against a special enemy, the Mitama. Mitama are strong against all but a particular elemental magic, but they are also prone to run away, so killing them isn’t easy (although of course, if you manage it, there’ll be a big reward). Equally tricky to pin down are Omoikanes, random monsters who are only weak against your characters’ human forms, but who flee at the drop of a hat- again, defeating them will net you a nice bonus.

Naturally, the game also comes with optional bosses and areas for the truly dedicated to explore, most of them hidden behind coloured walls that you need a key to pass through. It is in fact possible to complete the entire game without ever unlocking these walls, but if you want to do everything in the game, you’ll need to track down the appropriate keys.

Hunting: we eat to live, and live to eat

Battle is the flesh and blood of DDS (often quite literally) and whilst the random encounter rate is higher than most of us would have liked, the game is refreshing in that you can’t get anywhere just by spamming the attack button as you can with most games. Instead, strategy is key to almost every battle, and those who ignore it probably won’t be able to make it past the first dungeon.

Before getting into battle, it’s important to make sure that you have the right selection of skills set up; as well as basic attacks, each character has room for 4, 6 or 8 skills depending on their level, and although that might seem quite generous, you’ll have to carefully pick and choose what works best for you. Skills come in four types- physical abilities which deplete HP, magic attacks which deplete MP, auto skills which provide resistances or trigger automatically under the right circumstances and shield skills which let you void, repel or drain certain types of attack. There’s a wide variety on offer, and you’re going to have become familiar with pretty much all of them in order to survive.

When it comes to actually learning these skills, you’ll be relying on the Mantra Grid; the game’s equivalent of Final Fantasy X’s Sphere Grid. Mantra are laid out in rows according to type, with nodes adjacent to mastered Mantra available for download at save points. Downloading a mantra costs money, but you then have to accumulate AP from battle to master that Mantra and use its corresponding skills. What you end up with, therefore, is great freedom of choice in customising your characters- which can be both a blessing and a curse depending on how decisive you are.

With all that in mind, the time has finally come to discuss battle itself, and it is here where the need for strategy will become apparent. Digital Devil Saga uses what it calls the “Press Turn” system, in which your party receives one full turn per living party member (you can have one to three members at any time). The party will act in the order you set in the menu, and generally the same conditions apply to the enemy- although certain bosses do get extra turns.

In the normal run of things, every action you take will consume one turn, but- and here’s where skill really kicks in- there are some important exceptions. If your attack corresponds to an enemy’s weakness, then you’ll only consume half a turn, whilst if your attack fails or is something the enemy is strong against, you’ll consume two turns (you can also pass to only use up half a turn). If you have a spare half turn left over (represented by a flashing hexagon in the top right rather than a solid one), then the next character to go will use this as if it were a complete turn rather than a half. That last specific may not make much sense until you actually come to play, but suffice to say that targeting enemy weaknesses will result in more turns and higher damage done before the enemy gets a chance to counterattack.

Of course, attacks and skills aren’t the only options you have in battle; as well as the obvious choice of using an item, you can also switch party members in and out of battle, revert to human form (more on this in a moment) or perform a combo ability involving two or three party members. Combos are unlocked by the right combination of individual skills between characters, and whilst they take up multiple turns, they can also be useful for dealing more damage than the component skills would be able to do on their own.

When it comes to reverting to human form, you might naturally wonder why you would want to do such a thing- after all, a puny gun-wielding human is far less impressive than a demon with special skills. It’s important to be aware of the ability to transform and revert, however, for not only does it help when you get ambushed and have to begin the battle in human form, but there are also attacks that humans are immune to, enemies that are weak against guns and combos that need at least one human character in order to perform. All in all, it isn’t something you’ll be using all the time, but it’s a useful option to have.

Another aspect of the game you’ll want to be aware of is the ability to hunt your enemy- since the mastery of Mantra is depending on collecting AP, you’ll want to enhance the amount you get at the end of each battle by literally consuming your enemy. In order to achieve this, you’ll first need to frighten the enemy by attacking their weaknesses or successfully nullifying the attacks, before finishing them off with a Hunt skill that will see your characters devour an enemy demon. The reward for pulling this off is a nice big chunk of AP, but beware- the greedier you are, the more likely you’ll end up with the stomach ache status effect, which prevents you from earning any AP at all!

Quick tip: If your HP/MP are low and there’s no restore point or item vendor in sight, save your ‘Noise’ items for this situation- not only do they permanently increase your stats, but they also completely heal you. It’s also worth noting that there’s a chance of healing HP, MP or both when a character levels up.

Playable characters

Serph (Varna): As Varna, Serph is an ice element demon with a natural weakness to fire, and with the unique feature that you can customise his stat growth (as any RPG player will know, strength, vitality and magic should be prioritised over agility and luck). Serph tends to become a worthy physical attacker and mage quite naturally over the course of the game; my focus was on enhancing his natural ice abilities with earth and healing as backups, alongside boosting abilities.

Heat (Agni): A strong physical attacker at the expense of magic, in Agni form Heat is a fire element demon who is weak against ice (like you can’t guess from the name). Unfortunately, whilst he is useful early in the game, the increasing importance of magic later on forces him to take a backseat, as both Gale and Argilla are capable of becoming better with fire element magic than he is. By the end of the game, I mainly used Heat for abilities I wanted but no one else had room for, but if you wish to develop his physical and ailment inducing skills, then that would probably be the best path for him.

Argilla (Prithivi): A natural mage and earth element demon (her weakness is force, the game’s equivalent of wind), Argilla is able to become skilled in both healing and elemental magic, which is exactly what I used her for. Her physical strength may be low, but with her outstanding magic ability, she’s just what you need later in the game.

Gale (Vayu): A force element demon with a weakness to electricity, Gale doesn’t join up until partway through the game, but he does come prepared with some handy force element magic that will probably be stronger than anything you’ve taught your party up to that point. I like to use him as a backup mage with a focus on force and fire element, as well as a revival ability for when Argilla is knocked out. His stat growth tends to be reasonably balanced.

Cielo (Dyaus): The final Embryon member to join the party, Cielo is an electrical element demon with an annoying weakness against ailments (i.e. negative status effects). Although he likes to boost his luck and agility to the detriment of other stats, Cielo’s electrical attacks are second to none, and once you level him up enough to withstand enemy attacks (for a while his relatively low HP makes him a risk in high stakes battles), he can make a good secondary healer as well.

Story

Since Digital Devil Saga and its sequel are two halves of the same whole, don’t expect the story to be completed in this game- instead, it will leave you on a frustrating cliff-hanger that can only be resolved by getting to the second game as soon as possible. As far as we actually see in this game is concerned, on the largest of scales it’s another battle royale, but there’s a lot more going on in the details- just don’t expect it to make any sense just yet.

Audiovisual

As a world filled with warring tribes and hideous demons, the Junkyard isn’t really the most attractive of places- you won’t find any brightly coloured girls and so forth here. Even so, the character and location designs are well thought out, technically accomplished and brought to life through cel-shaded models. The in-game music opts for an industrial theme overall, but is surprisingly worthy as a stand-alone soundtrack, with the battle theme “Hunting” proving immensely catchy.

Final Thoughts

An unexpectedly enjoyable and addictive game, Digital Devil Saga proves that RPGs don’t have to be all about level grinding and spamming the attack button- there’s still room to create a title where skill is necessary but the learning curve isn’t too steep. Just be warned- once you start playing, you won’t ever want to stop.

To be continued…in the Digital Devil Saga 2 review

Weekly Round-Up: August 1st

Karura — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 22:25:37 +0000

Reviewed this week: Allison and Lillia 14-15, Hidamari Sketch x365 3-4, Itazura na Kiss 16, Kaiba 10, Love GetChu! 9-10, Nabari no Ou 16, Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 2-3, Persona Trinity Soul 21, Real Drive 12, Ryoko’s Case File 2-3, School Rumble San Gakki OVA 1, Slayers Revolution 4-5, World Destruction 3, Xam’D 1-2

…and in manga: next week, I promise!

Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- Chi plays
Kaiba (2) – who am I?
Hidamari Sketch x365 (4) - 365 times the fun
Soul Eater (3) – best exam ep ever
Xam’d- Lost Memories (-) – Bones does it again <-new!
Natsume Yuujinchou (5) – Book of Friends
Wagaya no Oinari-sama (7) – hot springs
Nabari no Ou (8) – change of side
Slayers Revolution (9) – Dragon Slave
Koihime Musou (10) – Guan Yu has more breasts and less beard
Persona Trinity Soul (11) – catch-up, start!
Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (13) – open the safe
Real Drive (12) – chat program
Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu (21) – secret otaku
Antique Bakery (15) – super gay demon
Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (16) – biological weapon
Telepathy Shoujo Ran (17) – predictable
Ryoko’s Case File (14) – superintendant
World Destruction (18) – cats
Amatsuki (19) – Kuchiha
Himitsu (20) – faceless
Blade of the Immortal (22) – immortal worms
Allison and Lillia (23) – plane crash is the new train wreck
Itazura na Kiss (24) – dislikeable cast
Chocolate Underground (25) – chocolate is forbidden

SLOW RANKINGS

Tetsuko no Tabi (2)- is this ever going to be subbed?
Love GetChu! (3)- light entertainment
Gunslinger Girl- Il teatrino (4)- licensed
Himawari!! (5) – needs less plot

Allison and Lillia 14-15: The Lillia arc has finally begun in earnest, and it’s an excuse for more stupidity and copied storylines as Lillia and Treize (son of Fiona and ‘how much facial hair can I grow?’ Benedict) head go on holiday, only to be targeted by forces of evil. In the ensuing sequence of events, an innocent pilot gets left behind as a hostage, another man loses his car to our heroes and there’s a plane crash in the middle of nowhere. Hmm, that hasn’t happened before.

Hidamari Sketch x365 3-4: It’s time for more random fun with two more episodes of Hidamari; first one in which Yuno and Miyako head to a shrine in order to do some drawing, followed by a two part episode which features both a fat cat and a follow-up to last season’s culture festival episode. Whilst it’s all good, light fun, naturally the fat cat segment wins out over the rest, proving that obese felines are the way forward in anime, just as I’ve always said.

Itazura na Kiss 16: I know I harp on about this, but I really hate all the characters in Itazura na Kiss, and I especially despise the portrayal of their relationships. Having decided to switch to a nursing course, Kotoko promptly fails her exam, but she’s determined to pass next time in the hopes that Naoki will reward her with a date (wait a minute- aren’t they married? Doesn’t that imply that they should want to go on dates with each other in the normal course of things, and not just for a treat?). Meanwhile, Chris continues to pursue Kinnosuke and wear him down, whilst Kotoko briefly believes she is pregnant, which makes you wonder which is worse- the possible offspring from this hideous union, or the thought of Kotoko and Naoki getting intimate. I must rant about this series with all due haste.

You’re married! Dates shouldn’t be some kind of rare and special treat!

Kaiba 10: It’s time to fill in a few blanks as we learn how Kaiba-Warp and Neiro came to meet and develop feelings for each other, and how it resulted in Neiro’s first death. It’s good to have this gap in the past story covered, although at the same time there are so many twists and turns in this anime that I’m going to need to watch it all again in order to appreciate everything that’s going on.

Love GetChu! 9-10: At long last I’ve watched two more episodes of Love GetChu, starting with an instalment in which the girls face a promotion exam- but will Momoko’s jealousy over Yurika and Atari’s growing friendship get in the way of her work? As it turns out, Amane is the one to get the promotion, but when she still seems lacking in something, the other girls are sent to help her at a special event. Unfortunately, having taken the bold step of having one of the girls move ahead in episode nine, episode ten is basically an exercise in giving everyone enough EXP to level up, although perhaps the fact that they can now apply for actual voice acting roles will help the story step up a bit.

Nabari no Ou 16: The Banten kinjutsu scroll is the last one that Kairoshuu needs, so you might think that they’d put all their efforts into finding it- or not quite yet. First, everyone needs to talk about what they’re going to do, with Aizawa explaining that he’s an immortal desperately hoping to regain his mortality, and Miharu going on a date with Yoite. I’m not entirely sure how the story can even stretch across another ten episodes.

Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 2-3: Now a conspirator in Haruka’s secret, Yuuto finds himself dragged around Akihabara with her, before visiting her well-appointed mansion and taking the fall when a Natsucomi booklet nearly gives her secret away. It’s reasonably entertaining, but there’s a feeling that this is the kind of the series that belongs in the early 2000s; by this point in the decade, it just feels a bit old and clichéd.

Persona Trinity Soul 21: Sadly I only managed one more episode of Persona this week, but I swear to make an effort to complete it over the weekend. In the meantime, this episode sees the Marebito take Jun in the hopes that he can use his persona calming abilities- but with Yuki in control, the persona can’t be summoned. There’s not much more to say, really, except that the end is near.

Real Drive 12: It’s a fairly calm episode of Real Drive this time around as Minamo befriends Amy, a blind girl who has just had her sight cybernetically restored- and who, of course, ‘coincidentally’ turns out to be both an absent classmate and the Metal artist that Haru has been tasked to search for. Although it is interesting to wonder if Amy is really better off for suddenly being bombarded with images from her newfound sight, in all honesty if I want to sit down and think about this, I don’t need an anime episode to encourage me to do that. I was also disappointed at the wasted potential to discuss synaesthesia (the condition, not the band) in relation to Amy’s art.

Ryoko’s Case File 2-3: Episode two concludes the story seen in the first arc with a mixture of exploding cookery ingredients (you don’t see that on Masterchef), evil scientists and giant snakes that I couldn’t really make head nor tail of- except to decipher that I probably wasn’t missing much. Although nothing spectacular, episode three is at least slightly better than its predecessors, starting with Izumida getting a day off and ending up with Ryoko gate crashing his evening as an attempt to lead some paparazzi a merry dance. I thought something clever was going to happen at the end, but ultimately it didn’t- probably an indication of how this show is going to be throughout.

*NEW* School Rumble San Gakki 1: Well, actually this is labelled “San Gakki 25”, but since episodes 1-24 don’t exist, all we have is this underwhelming two episode OVA to work with. As per the preview at the end of Nigakki, I was expecting the next part of School Rumble to be animated would be the England field trip, but instead we’re treated to a dull segment involving a class marathon, Tenma’s depression at being unable to confess to Karasuma and various other dull relationship issues. How can anyone even like Karasuma, who has the personality of a chalkboard? Does anyone really care who ends up with who at this point?

Slayers Revolution 4-5: Episode four finally carries us as far as the second chapter of the manga, with Amelia and Zelgadis befriending Pokota right before Lina and Gourry try to lure him out with a mage tank. In episode five we finally catch up with him, only to discover that he’s a prince of a lost country whose inhabitants are resting in crystal- by one Rezo. Now, you might recall that both Rezo and his copy were defeated in season one, but apparently if he was dead, the seal would have broken, so rather disappointingly he may somehow still be alive. In the meantime, however, Xellos has teamed up with the minor villain team of Super Armoured Tiger and Redhead Marquise- come on, Xellos, you can do better than these losers.

World Destruction 3: I haven’t made time for episode four yet (some may say that’s a good thing) but I did manage to catch the third episode of the increasingly tiresome World Destruction, in which our heroes get thrown in prison, only to plan a jailbreak that was totally unnecessary because one of the guards was prepared to bust them out anyway. I suppose the anime is at least achieving its goal of making me slightly interested in the game.

*NEW* Xam’d- Lost Memories 1-2: At long last we have a decent new series to offset the mediocrity, in the form of a new Studio Bones series that seems to be cross between Eureak Seven, Last Exile, FLCL and Fantastic Children. A normal high school student ends up with the ability to transform into a bizarre monster and thus ends up on the 2008 version of the Gekko-Go, ready for all kinds of new adventures to no doubt befall him. I have high hopes for this series, so with any luck it will deliver.

Persona Trinity Soul parody part 5

Karura — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:00:52 +0000

Episode 11

When Kanaru becomes addicted to Pleasure, Megumi’s jealousy over her friend’s sex life causes her to take action- but can you really stop a Pleasure addict when she has so many generic, off-screen partners to turn to?

Kanaru gets caught up in the throes of Pleasure.

“I want more!”

“I just get so damned horny!”

“I thought I could return to a life of celibacy after this.”

“But it’s so hard to go cold turkey.”

“If you keep sleeping around, that’s it for us!”

“I agree that it isn’t good to become a nymphomaniac, but even so…”

“…isn’t casual sex useful for relieving tension?”

“The poor girl is exhausted!”

“I’ve heard of book clubs and sports clubs, but a Pleasure club is one step too far!”

“Kanaru, were you arranging Pleasure again?”

“…Yes.”

“Just how many Pleasure partners do you have?”

“I don’t know- I get drunk and just sleep with whoever.”

“I’ll wake up and not even know who’s in bed beside me.”

“Wow, I wish I had a sex life like that… er, I mean, that’s not good- you should give it up.”

“You’re not off to have Pleasure again, are you?”

“Where else would I be going?”

For some reason cooking in the Kanzato house necessitates wearing this maid’s apron.

“…have Pleasure without me?”

“But it’s the only way I can get into clubs!”

“You know, you’re not the only one who’s had Pleasure.”

Wait, it’s not like that at my dance classes!

“I saw Yumi having Hyper Self Pleasure, so I thought I’d join in.”

“Unfortunately, I was inexperienced- I didn’t know where to put my hands.”

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re bound to hurt yourself!”

“So, to help you give up, let’s see if we can sleep in the same bed all night without having Pleasure.”

“Megumi won’t give me Pleasure- you’ll have to do it!”

“Maybe we should just have a little foreplay, you know?”

“She has to go cold turkey!”

“It’s the only way to deal with Pleasure addiction!”

“Damn Pleasure addiction- it’s everywhere these days.”

“Only Pleasure can take away this pain!”

“Did someone mention Pleasure? My room’s always open, you know.”

Outside, Yamazaki is indulging in her own brand of Hyper Self Pleasure.

“You know, I’ve seen someone who’s at your level of Pleasuring ability.”

“I bet they’d be great in bed!”

“Look, kids, when it comes to Pleasure, you need to be responsible.”

“Kanaru, promise you won’t sleep with your friends.”

But by the next day, Kanaru has already been pressured by her partners into joining them for one more session.

“They’re bound to make her have Pleasure!”

“She’s been celibate for all of one night now!”

“Hey, we wanted Pleasure last night- not just a quick tease!”

“We even tried having internet sex, but it was no good!”

“My friends are jealous of my sex life, so they’ve been curtailing my activities!”

“You’re a supporting character- the last thing they want to hear is that you’re getting more than them!”

“If you ask me, there’s no harm in indulging in a bit of Pleasure now and then.”

“In fact, I’ve wanted to seduce you for quite some time now.”

“…let’s do it right here!”

“Okay, okay, I’ve had enough Pleasure! No more!”

“Don’t force me, I’ve had enough!”

“Sorry, it’s too late- I just couldn’t control myself.”

Hidamari Sketch: season one and specials

Karura — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 08:00:45 +0000

Yuno, Miyako, Hiro and Sae are students at Yamabuki Art College, flatmates at the Hidamari Apartments across the road, and all round good friends. Join them in their everyday lives as they cook, paint, go out and generally enjoy their high school days.

Slice-of-life and crazy SHAFT comedy have often been enjoyable on their own, but when it came to Hidamari Sketch, the two were to be brought together in one package- a fusion that could prove either worthy or disastrous. Fortunately, the former was to be the case, resulting in a series that was to be enjoyable from start to finish.

Instead of following any kind of chronological order, Hidamari Sketch picks out days seemingly at random from a year in the life of its protagonists, jumping back and forth at will. Luckily, this isn’t as confusing as it sounds; in fact, aside from an episode in which Yuno gets a text message from a character who has yet to be introduced, the swift introduction of protagonists at the start and lack of overall plot makes the series easy to follow.

What we have then, is what I wanted Lucky Star to be, an enjoyable mix of comedy, random conversations and everyday life that, in the vein of the oft-mentioned Minami-ke and Ichigo Mashimaro, is entertaining rather than dull, memorable rather than forgettable. Moments such as the girls discovering that Miyako’s room is cheaper because it is in an unfinished state and has drying agents under the floor that might ignite when wet reflect the sort of quirky and offbeat ways in which my own trains of thought tend to run. Again, it’s a case of the jokes going somewhere and not being five minute throwaways that tie the series together- plus the usual dose of SHAFT visual madness ensures that you have to be paying attention to catch everything.

As with most comedy series, Hidamari Sketch is more about well-defined rather than well developed characters, with four distinctive leads in the form of quiet and self-effacing Yuno, forward and outspoken Miyako, sardonic novelist Sae and nice but easily teased Hiro. Fortunately, this turns out to be the perfect combination for highly entertaining viewing, with supporting personalities such as the girls’ cosplay-obsessed teacher and the stern yet shaky principal of the school adding extra flavour to the mix.

Visually, Hidamari Sketch doesn’t quite look up to par for a 2007 series, for although the character designs are attractive and the usual SHAFT visual quirks and patterned backgrounds are in place, they seem to have saved the bulk of their animation budget for other series. Nonetheless, the low key look suits the series well enough, as does the light-hearted musical score.

Final Thoughts

A thoroughly entertaining dose of slice-of-life and comedy, Hidamari Sketch is probably the best thing the Winter 2007 season had to offer. And with season two currently airing, there was never a better excuse to add it to your viewing list.

Tier: Gold

Tuesday Rumble: July 29th

Karura — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:54:23 +0000

Dragons’ Den

The latest entrant to the Den is the mysterious Tailor, who has come to market a rather unique line of clothing.

Tailor: Hello, my name is Tailor and I represent the interests of the company who supplies Ikki Tousen, Sekirei and related series with clothing. I’m here to ask for investment in our special line of ‘easy-rip’ clothing. Easy rip clothes tear off at the drop of a hat, leaving the wearer clad in only their underwear.

The Admiral: We’re cats- why would we be interested in clothes?

Aria: Punyu! [Well, actually I’m a collector of hats and accessories, but I prefer ones that are durable enough for a hard day’s work in Neo Venezia.]

Mikoto: Likewise, I prefer outfits that can stand up to all the rolling around and eating I do in the course of a normal day.

Tailor: But trust me- once you try these clothes, you’ll never want to go back!

Mikoto: Sorry, but I’m not convinced, and that’s why I’m out.

Aria: Punyu! [I’m out as well].

Mr Tibbs: I’m actually rather interested to learn why the underwear doesn’t rip as well.

Tailor: Well, in order to keep within broadcast regulations, we have to make the underwear out of a super-durable fabric.

Mr Tibbs: Interesting. Now, if I’m right, don’t your paper-thin clothes mean that the customer has to keep buying replacements?

Tailor: Yes, that’s just it!

Mr Tibbs: Well, in that case I can see massive profit potential in this venture, and I would like to make you an offer.

Tailor: Really? Well, in that case, I’d love to accept your offer.

Having impressed the hard to impress Mr Tibbs, Tailor has secured the first offer from the Dragons in while. Let’s hope he puts that investment to good use for the future of crappy fanservice series.

Blade of the Immortal

Bee Train really like their red moons, don’t they?

“Today’s talking point: murder- right or wrong? Phone in with your views!”

“Why did you have to make me HARD GAY?”

“You think you’ve got problems, but I’m a woman with a Liang!”

“But I thought we were having HARD GAY!”

I thought this was a metaphor at first until I realised it was the real deal.

“I’m not in the mood for HARD GAY right now.”

“Not in the mood?”

“Too bad, because you’re going to be having it anyway!”

“Twelve? No man could have that many Liangs!”

“Oh well, even twelve Liangs will be satisfied by twenty men.”

“I can promise that all of you will die of sexual exhaustion after just one night with me!”

This Week in Anime

“Must reach…giant fruit so I can present it on…Tuesday Rumble…”

There’s just too much wrong with this page…

But what about narrative convention? Is it meaningless now?

“But which is better- pink dango, or brown dango? There’s only one way to find out- FIGHT!”

“Oh, sorry, I thought you said your arse was perfect!”

No they aren’t- they’re here to laugh when you fail.

“Any man will do, as long as he has the stamina to go a few rounds in the bedroom.”

New Wang reveals their new built-in lighting add-on.

Angry mothers decide to show men just what it’s like to give birth.

“Gwakakaka!”

Aagh, rubber duck!

These bananas were clearly found guilty of some terrible wrongdoing.

“Which is we why now say Liang and two buns.”

Dancing apple is caught on camera.

“

Serge will be publishing his own villain’s handbook- “The Seven I’s”- this autumn.

Ah, so that’s the new excuse for looking at adult magazines.

HARD YURI in action.

Flash Game Review: Crimson Room

If you like puzzles, escaping locked rooms and endless clicking, then the Crimson Room is for you! A game that requires observation and brainpower in order to ever get out, the Crimson Room is both addictive and frustrating, and once you complete it, the even harder Viridian Room awaits!

Harem of the week: Issun (Okami)

Diminutive he may be, but tiny artist Issun knew how to chat up the ladies- even if it didn’t seem to result in much actual success.

Harem

Sakuya: A tree spirit whose revealing clothing makes her an instant hit with Issun.

Rao: A priestess and ‘busty babe’ whose assets attract Issun’s attention.

Kaguya: The bamboo princess from the moon- Issun and Amaterasu rescue her from the royal palace.

Fuse: Gentle and kind leader of the Canine Warriors, although they don’t always listen to her.

Himiko: Queen of Sei-An city.

Otohime: Leader of the underwater people.

Kai: A Wep’keer girl who can transform into a dog.

Lika: A young girl with the power to make the northern volcano erupt.

Weekly Round-Up: July 26th

Karura — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 09:17:16 +0000

Reviewed this week: Amatsuki 10-11, Clannad Tomoyo Edition, Itazura na Kiss 15, Koihime Musou 3, Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 11, Mnemosyne 6, Nabari no Ou 15, Natsume Yuujinchou 3, Persona 18-20, Slayers Revolution 3, Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 3, Soul Eater 15, Telepathy Shoujo Ran 5, World Destruction 2, xxxHOLiC Kei 12-13

…and in manga: too lazy to read any!

ANIME

CURRENT SERIES RANKINGS

Chi’s Sweet Home (1)- Chi plays
Kaiba (2) – who am I?
Soul Eater (3) – best exam ep ever
Hidamari Sketch x365 (4) - 365 times the fun
Natsume Yuujinchou (6) – Book of Friends
xxxHOLiC Kei (5) – not so bad <- complete!
Wagaya no Oinari-sama (8) – hot springs
Nabari no Ou (7) – change of side
Slayers Revolution (9) – Dragon Slave
Koihime Musou (11) – Guan Yu has more breasts and less beard
Persona Trinity Soul (10) – catch-up, start!
Real Drive (13) – chat program
Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ (14) – open the safe
Ryoko’s Case File (15) – superintendant
Antique Bakery (17) – super gay demon
Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (22) – biological weapon
Telepathy Shoujo Ran (18) – predictable
World Destruction (12) – cats
Amatsuki (16) – Kuchiha
Himitsu (19) – faceless
Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu (20) – secret otaku
Blade of the Immortal (21) – immortal worms
Allison and Lillia (24) – Travas-ty (sorry, Hanners)
Itazura na Kiss (23) – dislikeable cast
Chocolate Underground (25) – chocolate is forbidden

Amatsuki 10-11: Although episode ten was so underwhelming that I can’t actually remember anything beyond the fact that I watched it, episode eleven is marginally more interesting, with Tsuyukusa and Imayou plotting some kind of vaguely directed revenge, whilst Kuchiha, Toki and Shamon all get locked in a cellar (and no, there’s no punch line to that). I’m not even sure why I started watching such a mediocre, dull and forgettable series, but with only two episodes left I may as well see it to its conclusion.

*SPECIAL* Clannad~ Tomoyo Edition: The long-awaited Clannad 24 is here, and it’s Tomoyo’s turn to step up to the plate as the other girls vanish to let her gain Tomoya’s heart (Tomoyo and Tomoya, isn’t that nice?). Unfortunately, dating a delinquent isn’t such a good thing when you’re running for school council president, and it seems that outside pressures could very tear their relationship apart. Unfortunately, whilst this isn’t a particularly bad instalment, my focus has always been on Tomoya X Nagisa and so other pairings just don’t interest. Plus it’s the old thing of giving up your dreams for love- being the kind of person who wants it all, I always hate to see that situation.

Itazura na Kiss 15: After the fastest nuptials in the history of man (barring celebrity weddings, which don’t really count), Kotoko and Naoki are off on their honeymoon, and naturally, trouble isn’t far behind in the form of another newlywed couple in which the wife wants nothing more than to get into Naoki’s pants. So here we have Kotoko worrying over a husband who she still addresses by his last name, Naoki completely brushing off his wife, a woman who married a man she doesn’t love and only wants an affair, and her husband, a weakling who takes charge by hitting his wife. Oh, and the Irie family somehow sneak to Hawaii to spy on the honeymoon- a rather idiotic and overused ‘joke’ if ever there was one. Are there women out there who really find this sort of storytelling romantic? Do they long to be dominated by despicable assholes of men? I hope not.

Koihime Musou 3: The good thing about this show is that unlike other bastions of mediocrity, I can slip on a pair of rose tinted glasses and enjoy it- just because there are beautiful girls with Three Kingdoms names. This week, Guan Yu and Zhao Yun end up working in a maid café (in ancient China) for cash, whilst Zhang Fei makes such a hash of it that she wanders off and ends up entering a tournament held by Yuan Shao. Also in the tournament is named character Ma Chao, with both girls naturally getting to the final, fighting to a draw and being invited to work for Yuan Shao. Meanwhile, Cao Cao also makes an appearance, only to take an unnatural interest in seeing if Guan Yu’s hair is just as black and lustrous ‘down there’. No, really.

Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 11: After a long stretch of disappointment, KKN finally improve slightly in this episode, a Hyouka-centric story about the biological weapon’s first love. It may be a predictable tale, but aside from Kyouka’s inevitable attempts to turn it into a tired frenzy situation, it’s actually a pretty solid one. And I must admit to being amused when Hyouka accidentally sucked in Yuuka.

*COMPLETE* Mnemosyne 6: Mnemosyne has finally ground to a conclusion, and I have to say that it apart from being a platform for gratuitous sex and violence, it didn’t make a great of sense. In this episode, a disappointingly pathetic Rin confronts Apos, meets the previously unmentioned Guardian of Yggdrasil, and various other things happen that I probably shouldn’t spoil. Suffice to say that this OVA has been a disappointment and would have better aired way back in the 90s.

Is it wrong to want to cosplay as Apos?

Nabari no Ou 15: The Kouga arc ends in this episode, and once again I find myself wishing that I could really care about and get into this series, because it just keeps sliding superficially past my indifferent eyes. Whilst Aizawa proves to have God Mode switched on, evil eyepatch teacher attempts to murder the headmaster, but as the old guy is dying anyway, he’s already made plans to pass on the kinjutsu scroll. Oh, and some minor characters have dialogue and emotional scenes, but since they were only introduced a couple of episodes ago, no one really cares.

Natsume Yuujinchou 3: Natsume Yuujinchou picks up a little in this episode as our eponymous hero heads off to help some youkai who are being exterminated by an unknown person- complete with some Flashback Modes about a chapter in his childhood. It may not be particularly outstanding, but amidst the mediocrity of the summer season, this is a real breath of fresh air.

Persona Trinity Soul 18-20: Although I intended to marathon five episodes of Persona this week, I was only able to make it through three before my brain demanded stimulation, leaving me with six episodes to clear before the series can be deemed complete. In a confusing turn of events, Jun’s spirit has some gone to be with Ryou, leaving Yuki in charge of their body, whilst around them various things happen such Yamazaki perfecting alternate hairstyles for good and evil forms. I presume some kind of final boss confrontation is coming, but along the way not a great deal of interest is occurring.

Slayers Revolution 3: In a rather tiresome turn of events, John Smith (yes, I know his name is Weiser, but he looks like a John Smith) is here to arrest Lina for yet another crime she didn’t commit, and yet again she must search for the real culprit in order to clear her name. With that rather dull start, it takes about half the episode for the series to rev up to the usual levels of Slayers entertainment- and if this is to be the format for most episodes, it will get tired very, very fast.

Someday’s Dreamers ~Summer Skies~ 3: After picking up a little in episode two, Natsu no Sora backslides somewhat in this episode as our heroine takes on her first proper job- opening a safe. Of course, just opening it wouldn’t be all that exciting, so there’s more to the story than that, but ultimately it all falls flat to me- Sora’s interference may have helped the client, but at the same time it’s a bit like Captain Kirk destroying an alien paradise- you can’t help feeling they should have just let the situation be.

Soul Eater 15: It’s time for a Kid side story as he takes Patty and Liz to a ghost ship, and whilst Patty’s immaturity is becoming a little annoying, this is generally an entertaining episode. Much as I like Soul and Maka, I’m glad that all the protagonists get their chance to shine in the series- I think I’ll be happy to see this through to 51 episodes.

Telepathy Shoujo Ran 5: In case you hadn’t noticed already, something is amiss in the village, and as it turns out, it’s all tied to Evil-ish Former Teacher and a particular type of magical grass. From there, we have a conclusion to the story that just feels shallow and even stupid at points- for example, did the grass really have to go as far as ‘kill’ Midori just to make Ran summon the wind that would end its life? Couldn’t it have just asked for her to bring up a box of matches or something? How has this become even worse than the at least slightly interesting Mokke?

World Destruction 2: As I feared, World Destruction has rapidly gone downhill in this episode, as our three reluctant allies end up on a lawless ship where the Destruct Code promptly gets stolen. It’s basically the pirate ship level of the RPG, and after my hideous experience on the Zelbess in Chrono Cross, I’ve never been a fan of ships in RPG worlds. I fear I’ve taken on another lemon.

*COMPLETE* xxxHOLiC Kei 12-13: At long last, xxxHOLiC Kei can be crossed off the list, the series I never intended to watch but actually quite enjoyed. Episode twelve wraps up the Himawari arc with the hatching of her little bird, whilst episode thirteen is a coda to the series, first covering an earlier manga chapter in which Watanuki finds a thunder god in an electronics store before all the recurring characters come together for a party to