“Let’s show Wu that Shu has the best HARD GAY!”

“For he is no match for the mighty Zhuge Liang!”

“Zhao Yun, three thousand men and their HORSES should be enough for your appetite.”

“Now, I shall arrange your HARD GAY, Zhang Fei…”

“This is what I’ve been waiting for!”

“Cooking meat” is a brand new euphemism for HARD GAY.

“In case you hadn’t already heard, I do know everything.”

“Good stuff! Cao Cao will Pleasure me tonight!”

“Liu Bei, you’ve spent the entire series running away, and so it is only right that you sit back and watch from a safe place tonight.”

“Hey, why don’t I get to be a part of the HARD GAY? Am I not allowed to see your Sword?”

“Actually, I have the perfect position for you.”

“But I’m not sure if you’ll be able to perform.”

“After all, hasn’t Cao Cao spoiled you for other men?”

“I can’t deny that I slept with him, but he was merely average in the bedroom!”

“Just tell me what sort of HARD GAY you want, and I’ll give it to you!”

“Basically, that means that you can lie about your size, or pretend it was good when it wasn’t, and no one will think any the worse of you.”

Cao Cao looks forward to some HARD GAY.

(“Hmm, what an interesting method- I can’t wait to try it out!”

Before…“This HARD GAY has to be perfect!”

And after… “ah yes, that was most pleasing.”

“I nominate you to service Huang Gai.”

“Gwakaka, I cannot possibly lose!”

“Your inevitable victory is already being threatened!”

“Foiled again! Damn you, Zhuge Liang!”

“Give them Flaming ARROW, boys!”

“Why is this happening? Why am I losing yet again?”

“It’s just not fair, damn it!”

Sometimes the simplest lines are the best ones.

Cao Cao turns to the only avenue left to him- good, reliable HORSE.

“Is the HORSE that good?”

“I was just thinking how pathetic Zhuge Liang was not to set up an ambush, gwakakaka!”

“Oh wait, they did set an ambush- how’s that for irony?”

One can truly be bowled over by the eloquence of this series.

Is anyone else getting a sense of déjà vu?

“Time for HARD GAY, Cao Cao!”

“Why do I keep getting ambushed every time I gloat about how I haven’t been ambushed?”

“I’ve been wrong twice, but this time there cannot possibly be an ambush!”

“Hello, it’s your friendly neighbourhood ambush.”

“Sir, Guan Yu was your HARD GAY lover- he will surely let you go.”

“Cao Cao, I am here for forceful HARD GAY.”

“Guan Yu, don’t you remember how gentle I was in the bedroom? Let me show you again!”

“Do not bring out your Sword- I am the one giving HARD GAY tonight!”

“Damn him- he’s going to violate my men!”

“Don’t you remember the rough HARD GAY you once had with my generals- Pleasure so intense that it killed them?”

“Just have HARD GAY with him, Father!”

“I cannot knowingly give fatal HARD GAY to him- it is not heroic.”

“And there are no episodes left for me to return and try to get revenge on those meddling heroes!”

“Wait, what am I saying? No villain worth his chair gives up this easily! Gwakakaka!”

“You couldn’t even have HARD GAY with Cao Cao? Then as punishment I shall take you by force!”

“Take me too- I love that sort of kinky stuff!”

“Don’t do it- true Pleasure comes from mutual consent!”

“After all, you do know everything.”

“Indeed I do.”

“That would ruin the story.”

“These forty-seven episodes were just a prologue!”

“…for these were chaotic times.”

“…in the nonexistent season two!”

The answer to that, quite simply, is no, but since ending the post here would render it pointless, I really should go into more detail. As mentioned in the first review, the main draw of this series is not the plot- even Three Kingdoms fanboys will find little to appreciate in this compressed and even more edited tale of Liu Bei and his Warriors of Justice- but the fact that the combination of story and grammatically questionable subtitles made the whole thing into a laugh riot. Over the course of the series, I have tried to point out the amusement in a series of dedicated posts, but as far as actually watching it goes, it gradually became far less entertaining than the posts themselves.

The sad fact is that, whilst it only covers up to the end of the Battle of Chi Bi, ROTK’s poor quality makes forty-seven episodes of it far too much for any one person to handle. It’s amusing at first, to be sure, and even later on there are things to laugh at, but even at a rate of one episode a week (or less), the numerous dull stretches ensure that it all starts to feel like too much. When there is so much better anime out there to watch, there really is little motivation to tackle this Shu-centric attempt at conveying the general story of the Three Kingdoms, especially when you can get a far more enjoyable and equally historically accurate depiction of events from playing one of the Dynasty Warriors games.

Given the fact that it was animated some sixteen years ago, it should come as no surprise that ROTK isn’t the best looking of series. Villains are comically generic and ugly, with twitching eyes that may have as much to do with poor animation as any intentional measures, whilst heroes are equally generic, but at least have large eyes to convey their honest and open natures. From stills to looped footage, every budget saving trick in the book is used- even if you don’t particularly care about looks, it is hard to ignore how poorly drawn it is. Background music is generally bland and forgettable, whilst the OP and ED are done in a cheesy eighties style that ensures you won’t want to listen to them more than once.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, there is no real need for anyone to watch this series, especially now that most episodes have been summarised in individual blog posts. Subjecting yourself to the series firsthand is truly an act for masochists only, for no matter how desperate you are to see Liu Bei et al in animated form, ROTK the anime really isn’t worth it.

Even as Cao Cao laughs evilly and plots his victory, Zhou Yu and the forces of Wu are preparing to move against him so that Huang Gai can give Wei the very first taste of Flaming Passion. Meanwhile, the godlike Zhuge Liang decides to invent some new HARD GAY techniques.

Zhou Yu weighs up the advantages of bondage.

Meanwhile, Cao Cao gloat over the sheer number of HARD GAY partners at his disposal.

“Now, let us sip wine and try to avoid our inevitable defeat by uttering villainous stock phrases!”

“Now, excuse me whilst I fantasise about the great HARD GAY Huang Gai and I are going to have together.”

Zhang Fei and Guan Ping discuss advanced tactics, such as attacking the enemy before they attack you.

“I don’t see why Zhou Yu should sleep with Cao Cao- I want a go with him!”

“That’s unfair- we should make it a threesome.”

Guan Yu feels jealous that Zhang Fei and Guan Ping have become a couple, leaving him out in the cold.

“And that means you’d better cut me in on your HARD GAY.”

“Me, Guan Ping and Cao Cao in a bed- and now you want to muscle in too!”

“Don’t worry, he’ll tire easily.”

After being rejected by Zhang Fei and Guan Ping, Guan Yu tries to broach the subject of HARD GAY with Liu Bei.

Naturally, Liu Bei only has eyes for Zhuge Liang, and rejects his advances.

“You know, if Zhao Yun has HARD GAY with Zhuge Liang, that leaves you free to have it with me.”

“Sorry, did you just say something, Guan Yu? I was too busy thinking about HARD GAY with Zhuge Liang.”

“Are they ready to give me HARD GAY yet?”

“Hmm, HARD GAY seems like too much of an effort at the moment.”

“How can HARD GAY ever be too much of an effort? My Sword and my badly drawn eyes need it!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but under the current circumstances the troops are just too unskilled to give you the HARD GAY you have become accustomed to.”

“They’ll never improve without practise- let’s test them out.”

“To satiate my appetite, I will need twenty boats’ worth of elite warriors- and tell the untrained ones not to penetrate too deeply in case they hurt me.”

“Yay, we’re under attack! Let’s randomly run around.”

“The enemy is attacking us- what to do, what to do…”

“They’re giving us Arrow!”

“Let’s retaliate with Spear!”

Spot the difference: circle five differences between these two images.

“I can feel their Pleasure from afar!”

“Man, that’s good!”

Let’s take a break to laugh at the grammar.

“Was it after catching sight of my Sword?”

“Of course, for I know everything.”

“Even curing Zhou Yu is nothing for one such as I.”

“What, you mean you’re a doctor on top of everything else?”

“I suppose you could put it that way, if you count my healing HARD GAY as a medical treatment.”

“It will involve HARD GAY.”

“Can any sort of HARD GAY satisfy my jaded palette?”

“I know of HARD GAY methods you could never imagine in your wildest dreams.”

“Really? You must tell me about them.”

“Here, I’ve drawn pictures of what you need to do.”

“My god! I never knew you could do it like that!”

“I also recommend some indigestion tablets.”

“By the way, I also have special magical powers.”

“Who cares about that- tell me when we can actually have this amazing HARD GAY!”

“Sorry, but I’m too busy being worshipped to service you myself.”

“Lu Su will take care of all your bedroom needs in my place.”

“Yes sir!”

“Teach it to all the troops too! I don’t want any potential partner of mine to be ignorant of this great new technique!”

“Psst…I’ve forgotten my lines- what do I say next?”

“That’s your problem- I’m off for a group Sword and Bell session! These are the rules for any prospective participants!”

“I’ve loaded your game of Harvest Moon and fed the cows for you.”

“Did you know that Cao Cao has his eye on HARD GAY with me?”

“I’d love to ram my ‘burning boats’ into his waiting ‘dock’!”

“That HARD GAY was the worst I’ve had!”

“It’s been all night, and I still don’t feel aroused!”

When Zhuge Liang prays, shooting stars fall from the heavens.

“What is this wave of HARD GAY energy?”

“Bring Zhuge Liang to me, so that I may have HARD GAY with him directly!”

“Sorry, but we’re the average ‘stupid’ brand of guard.”

“Damn you!”

“That’s the only way to have good HARD GAY!”

“I know he really wants to sleep with me, but now isn’t the time for that.”

“Fear my pointy finger of doom!”

“In HARD GAY, which is more important- quantity, or quality?”

The important thing is to never resist Cao Cao’s advances.

“All in the name of Pleasure.”

“Still, once the HARD GAY is over, he can look back on the memories of Cao Cao’s Sword and smile.”

“When you said you had a flaming stick to douse in my cool waters, I thought you were talking figuratively!”

“I only wanted HARD GAY with you!”

“This time I promise to give you proper HARD GAY!”

“Are you sure? Last time you let me get my Sword out and then you left me naked in the bedroom for hours!”

“Had I realised you were expecting HARD GAY, I never would have left you like that!”

“Very well, we shall speak no more of this embarrassing matter.”

“Did you hear? Zhuge Liang has invited Pang Tong into his bedchamber!”

“Your HARD GAY prowess is well known throughout the lands.”

“Ah yes, but I heard you were having some trouble in that department- have you managed to overcome it yet?”

“I can’t keep any secrets from you, can I- no matter how embarrassing they are.”

“I have taught Zhou Yu to be a good, submissive lover in the bedroom.”

“He is? That’s good to hear!”

“In the past, Zhou Yu invited me to have HARD GAY with him, but I was unsure of his skill.”

“The same goes for Cao Cao- it’s just so hard to find a man who meets my exacting standards.”

“Sir, Pang Tong has finally agreed to HARD GAY with us!”

“Really? I’ve waited and hoped for this for so long.”

“We shouldn’t waste any time- bring him to my bedchamber at once.”

“Once I take Pang Tong as my lover, I can dump Zhuge Liang!”

Zhou Yu begins seducing Pang Tong by plying him with wine.

“I, er, I mean all the men here would love to see you in my, um, their beds.”

“I can see you desperately want to sleep with me, Zhou Yu, but I can only have HARD GAY with you if you’ll agree to bondage.”

“Bondage, you say?”

Elsewhere, a party of minor characters tries to have group Pleasure without hurting each other.

Taishi Ci, in vacant and motionless mode.

“Please join our Group Pleasure.”

“I shall inform Cao Cao that group sessions have great potential.”

I’ve missed the constant references to chaos.

Cao Cao is surprised when Pang Tong arrives and asks to be his lover.

“Zhou Yu is such an old stick-in-the-mud; he promised me HARD GAY but when I suggested bondage he rejected me!”

“I can see, however, that you are a man who is open to trying new techniques.”

“Gwakakakakaka! This is the best day of my life!”

“I always used to worry that my HARD GAY wasn’t quite good enough, but now that Pang Tong himself has praised my Pleasuring skills, I can have confidence in myself.”

“Still, I’m a little worried that my men aren’t used to HARD GAY at sea.”

“If we use my chains of bondage, this won’t be a problem, and HARD GAY and HORSE can proceed as they would on land.”

“Bondage, eh?”

“I like the sound of that!”

“There’s no time to waste- I must try bondage immediately!”

Another of Pang Tong’s conquests appears.

“Are you servicing Cao Cao these days?”

“It’s true that he and I are lovers now…”

“…but it’s just sex- Liu Bei is the only man I can ever truly love.”

Cao Cao organises a mass HARD GAY session.

“What are you saying? A thousand men is nowhere near enough to satisfy my appetite!”

“Very well, then what about two thousand?”

“That’s still insufficient!”

“Plus I’ll need some lovers who are more skilled than the average generic, or I’ll get bored.”

“Oh, all right then, I’ll make it three thousand- no man can surely service more than that.”

“I must mention that many men are beginning to find Zhou Yu’s HARD GAY unsatisfactory.”

“I’m sure I can convince them to become your lovers instead.”

“You’ll have a harem, and Zhou Yu will be stuck with only Hyper Self Pleasure!”

“Damn you” was judged to be too offensive.

Despite his shifty and uneven eyes, Cao Cao promises HARD GAY to any man who isn’t foiled by the heroes at the end of the episode.

“In the meantime, here’s 500 generics to whet your appetite for a night with yours truly.”

Defecting was so much easier in those days.

No one caption really captures the possibilities of this sentence.

“Of course I do, for I am Zhuge Liang, a GREAT man who knows all.”

“Like I said, I know everything- this water functions as a non villainous magic CCTV.”

“Sorry, but I find this series unintentionally hilarious.”

“Anyway, getting back to the plot, Zhou Yu knows the two defectors are false, but he plans to sleep with them before revealing that fact.”

“We should go and watch their HARD GAY later.”

“…but in the meantime, let’s have a little session of our own.”

Huang Gai is so important that his every HARD GAY session is recorded.

He has a long history of servicing the Sun family.

“The level of the enemy’s HARD GAY continues to increase.”

“Can you think of any techniques we can use to better them?”

“Leave it to me- my HARD GAY skills won’t fail you.”

“If you wish to fool Cao Cao into believing you have discovered a new version of HARD GAY, you must bear the scars to prove it.”

“Even if I die in the throes of passion, I have lived well.”

In the end, Huang Gai is given vicious HARD GAY by way of Rod.

This drawn out scene helps to reduce the total animation needed for the episode.

Huang Gai, as glimpsed in the throes of painful Pleasure.

Zhuge Liang is forced to make do with Fishing Rod.

“I had hoped to join in the Rod.”

“Gwakakaka, Zhuge Liang is nothing compared to me!”

“This intense Rod was all I could offer them.”

“Thank you for your gentler HARD GAY- it helps to ease the pain of Rod.”

“I’m ready for HARD GAY any time.”

“Don’t go over there- this is the best spot for HARD GAY!”

“I’m not in the mood for HARD GAY at this time of night!”

“I thought Cao Cao was serviced by bold lovers at all hours of the day and night!”

“And here I was going to suggest Huang Gai as your next lover.”

“Ah yes, the man who has mastered painful Rod.”

Fei Wong’s Phrasebook saying #153.

Fei Wong’s Phrasebook saying #79.

“Okay, that’s the obligatory phrases out of the way, now let’s discuss matters of HARD GAY.”

“Of course I didn’t undress in front of Cao Cao- my Sword is too small to be seen by his eyes.”

“Huang Gai is truly an accomplished man of HARD GAY.”

“I can’t wait to sleep with him.”

“Is an old man really able to withstand me in the bedroom?”

“The last thing I want is to be foiled again! Just for one episode I’d like to win- or better yet, let’s end the episode here before I risk failure.”

See how his eyes glow red with evil as he plots the villainy of the week.

“You must know all his HARD GAY preferences.”

It has been a while, but let us not forget about the chaos.

“Now kneel down and take my Sword!”

“Gwakakaka!”

“Did I mention how useful Fei Wong’s villain phrasebook is?”

See how evil Zhou Yu’s eyes have become as plots something akin to the destruction of god.

“It’s time for HARD GAY!”

“Tonight’s HARD GAY should be ARROW.”

“Hmm, that will be difficult, especially as I have developed an odd twitch in one eye.”

“Could you help me with this problem I have with my eyes?”

“I don’t know about that, but I can give as much ARROW as needed.”

“Could you manage 100,000 ARROW sessions?”

“100,000 is nothing to a man as HARD GAY as I am- just tell me what time frame you want it over.”

“Could you give it to me and my men within the next ten days?”

“I’ll be bored if I have to stretch it over ten days.”

“What are you saying?”

“Three days should be plenty.”

“How can anyone have HARD GAY 100,000 times in three days?”

“Don’t joke about something as important as HARD GAY!”

“I would never joke about HARD GAY.”

“Feel free to use me as you will if I cannot deliver the HARD GAY.”

I’m so grateful for these instructive translator’s notes.

“Can you make sure you have enough men ready to receive the HARD GAY?”

“You want him to die of exhaustion from excessive HARD GAY?”

“He’ll never be able to give that much ARROW, just you watch.”

My sentiments exactly.

“Even hundreds of men couldn’t give 100,000 HARD GAY sessions in three days!”

Zhang Fei, Guan Ping and Zhao Yun seem to have become the comedy trio of the series.

He’s an unpredictable men indeed.

“I’m sure Zhuge Liang can easily manage HARD GAY 100,000 times in three days, as Lord Liu Bei will attest.”

“I don’t care if you die, just keep my lover safe!”

Zhuge Liang invites Lu Su over for some late night HARD GAY.

“Thanks to the fog, you won’t be embarrassed at how small your Sword is compared to mine.”

“To an ordinary man with a normal Sword, it would be.”

“You haven’t given any yet!”

“You will observe and record the ARROW I give.”

“No one said I had to do it with real men.”

“That will get me in the mood.”

“Fear not, for we are named characters, and I am immortal.”

“This is ARROW at its best!”

“Don’t go out and attack- we may actually win and then the plot would be ruined!”

“Just send more archers to give Zhuge Liang ARROW!”

“I’ve had enough ARROW, so let’s go home.”

“I am no ordinary advisor, but the very son of god.”

“Your Sword is so large! Is that codpiece big enough to hold it?”

“I have already ordered a better one.”

“I’m always ready for HARD GAY, son.”

“Damn it! Foiled again!”

“You managed all that ARROW in just one night! What a man of HARD GAY you are!”

“ARROW is nothing to me.”

“That’s great, but I still need help with my eye problem.”

“Ah, thank you, they seem to be back to normal. Now let’s discuss HARD GAY.”

“Let’s get to bed as soon as possible!”

Cao Cao’s men are not used to HARD GAY on a boat.

Nonetheless, they end up having BOAT and Arrow with Wu.

Zhou Yu appraises the size of the enemy’s “vanguard” in preparation for future HARD GAY.

As a woman, she needs no name of her own.

“Damn you!”

“Ah, so that’s what a water fort is. Thanks for explaining.”

Cao Cao, a villain’s villain.

Playing music, perhaps?

Cao Cao’s men are confident that their HARD GAY is superior to that of Wu.

“I don’t have time for HARD GAY with you right now!”

“My index finger commands you to!”

“His HARD GAY must be most impressive.”

“Come on, underlings- I can’t be expected to think for myself.”

“I know because in Dynasty Warriors there’s a morale bar at the top of the screen.”

Jiang Gan reveals the secret of taming Zhou Yu in the bedroom.

“Okay then, jump into bed with him and show me how it’s done!”

Zhou Yu is understandably suspicious when Jiang Gan arrives for some HARD GAY.

“I already have many capable lovers.”

Jiang Gan even gets a look Zhou Yu’s ‘sword’.

“Sun Quan is foremost in my heart, though; many’s the night we’ve spent practising new techniques together.”

“I would never leave him for another man.”

“Yes, I truly have all the HARD GAY I need.”

“In fact, I want to have some right now!”

Taishi Ci is selected as the latest lover.

…on Earth as it is in Heaven.

“What satisfying HARD GAY.”

“…how large was his ‘sword’?”

“Larger than I anticipated, I’m afraid.”

“Are you saying you chickened out and didn’t even sleep with him!?”

“I’m afraid not, but I did manage to get a photo of it.”

“Hand it over!”

“It’s huge! This guy’s a horse!”

Cao Cao learns that Cai Mao wanted to turn him into Zhou Yu’s love slave.

Hours later, Cao Cao finally cottons on to the fact that believing everything you read in random letters left lying around the place may not be a good idea.

“Damn you!”

“Take this Sword, Cai Mao!”

He arrives mere moments too late to prevent the execution of Cai Mao.

A sheet of paper feels his wrath.

I’m sure he’s laughing at the irony of it right now.

“Do not worry- I had my Fishing Pole here to occupy me.”

Anyone would be jealous of a man with such mobility in his neck.

Realising that he may never be able to convert Zhuge Liang from pure HARD GAY to BI, Zhou Yu decides that he must instead remove his rival and all who insist on following HARD GAY despite the dawning of a new era. Can Zhuge Liang and the righteous warriors of Shu fend off the insidious plans of BI?

The woman’s role is to prepare food whilst the manly men sit around and discuss matters pertaining to HARD GAY.

“Are you saying we should move in together and enjoy incestuous HARD GAY?”

“Sorry, but with your skills, I can get more out of holding my own ‘conviction’ and having Hyper Self Pleasure.”

“I can arrange for you to have HARD GAY with Liu Bei, however.”

What can be more important than brotherhood and justice?

Zhuge Jin is unable to deliver the sort of HARD GAY Zhou Yu was looking for.

Nonetheless, Zhuge Jin affirms that he will always be available as a lover for Wu’s top names.

“Your skill may not be noteworthy, but at least your heart is in the right place.”

Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu arrange a HARD GAY encounter.

Zhuge Liang boasts about his superior HARD GAY.

Zhou Yu is displeased to learn that his HARD GAY abilities have been questioned.

“I’ll show him who’s better in the bedroom!”

“My my, one really shouldn’t engage in HARD GAY without a cool head.”

Zhou Yu is told that Zhuge Liang can improve his HARD GAY, if he is just willing to take the time to learn.

Cao Cao sits in his custom-made villain’s chair, whilst underlings line up to service him.

“As I look down at my ‘sword, I realise that nothing can possibly go wrong!”

“…just like HARD GAY.”

Liu Bei begins to worry about his absent lover.

Given the lack of attention from Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei is forced to accept an invitation to have HARD GAY with Zhou Yu.

Guan Yu and Zhang Fei are overcome with jealousy.

“You don’t understand- I must have HARD GAY with him.”

“I suppose Guan Yu can join in, but Zhang Fei is no longer up to my level.”

“Why are you giving HARD GAY to Liu Bei?”

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping with Zhuge Liang instead?”

“I don’t want him taunting me about how much better his HARD GAY is.”

Bereft of HARD GAY, Zhang Fei is forced to learn about women.

“Talking to my own brother is too hard for a mere woman such as myself.”

“Your lover is waiting for you.”

“You can have a turn with him later on when I’m listening to music.”

Observe the grin of evil.

“I’m sorry, but Zhuge Liang will not be able to join our little HARD GAY session.”

“Guan Yu can participate if he wants.”

“Oh my god- I killed this log!”

A team of generics prepares to impress everyone with a group mambo.

The judges wait to give their scores for the group mambo.

“I’ll get you next week!”

“Zhang Fei was able to have HARD GAY after all.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to stay with my new lovers for a little while longer.”

Liu Bei may be ‘first wife’, but now that he is in Wu, Zhuge Liang sees no harm in trying the local men. Certainly Sun Quan has taken his fancy, but how will he feel about Zhou Yu, a man known to have given up pure HARD GAY in favour of the pursuit of BI?

Zhuge Liang is immediately attracted to Sun Quan.

“I must incite him to come to my bedroom.”

“We must have HARD GAY at once!”

Sun Quan is shocked at the suggestion that he should surrender to his HARD GAY passions.

Later, Zhuge Liang reflects on how open-minded Sun Quan was about trying HARD GAY.

Unfortunately, he is clearly a beginner since he thinks more about the number of partners than strategies to use in the bedroom.

“I’m definitely getting some tonight.”

Zhuge Liang and Sun Quan go out on their first date.

“If I combined my HARD GAY with that of Liu Bei, would it be enough?”

“Cao Cao’s troops are not used to the local ways of HARD GAY.”

“Plus they have no stamina in the bedroom.”

Of course he is, he’s Zhuge Liang.

Sun Quan invites Zhuge Liang to join him in the bedroom.

Zhuge Liang promises him a night of intense passion.

Still, he cannot help feeling that Sun Quan is not yet ready to become fully HARD GAY.

Sun Quan’s advisors tell him to remain straight.

Sun Quan agonises over the HARD act of sleeping with a man.

Will Da Qiao tempt him back to liking women?

Perhaps Zhou Yu, a known man of BI, can help.

Zhou Yu’s beauty (not actually apparent in this image) is enough to make all who gaze upon his face fall in love with him, regardless of gender.

Zhuge Jin gets some off screen HARD GAY.

Even so, it may not be enough to keep him from being converted to BI.

A lack of HARD GAY with Zhuge Liang is beginning to make Liu Bei fretful and anxious.

Zhang Fei suspects that Liu Bei has been dumped.

“He would never cheat on me!”

Zhang Fei still has his suspicions.

Guan Yu remarks that Zhang Fei’s HARD GAY is still vigorous.

In the absence of Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei must fall back on his old lovers.

“I need more HARD GAY men! Get me some naval recruits!”

Through a trick of time and space, Fei Wong’s phrasebook is even available to Cao Cao.

“You defeated me this once, but no matter…”

“…for I will get you next time!”

“I’m sorry, Zhou Yu, but I am laughing at your small ‘sword’.”

Lu Su is shocked at the implication that Sun Quan should give HARD GAY to Cao Cao.

“Although I am not interested in women, I understand that these two are considered beautiful.”

“Apparently they are so attractive that they have even turned Cao Cao BI.”

Zhou Yu is forced to admit he is BI.

“I am sorry; I did not realise that you were BI.”

“I’ll get you all the help you need to give up women and return to the HARD GAY side.”

Sun Quan is forced to take drastic action when a dangerous vase infiltrates his home.

“You’ve seen me beat up the vase, so you know I’m serious!”

Zhou Yu is surprised to find Zhuge Liang outside without a HARD GAY partner.

“I’m holding a brief memorial service for the dear departed vase, god rest its soul.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll navigate the path of HARD GAY together.”

“Why was Kong Ming able to convert him to HARD GAY when I never could?”

“Damn you!”

“Actually, I am right.”

“Yes, I see your point.”

The chaotic Cao Cao fears the righteous Zhuge Liang.

Wu finally gets a mention.

Cao Cao asks his underlings for this week’s evil plan.

No one bothered to tell Cao Cao that China is not the only country in the world.

Sun Quan- important enough to merit a still.

All this happened offscreen, since Wu are not as important.

Is it me, or does he look nothing like his earlier picture?

Zhang Fei has ambitious HARD GAY plans.

Nonetheless, Liu Bei realises that Cao Cao’s HARD GAY is more expansive.

Zhuge Liang proposes just finding men along the way instead of taking their own HARD GAY partners.

“They have many HARD GAY men, but will they sleep with us?”

Zhuge Liang proposes oral methods of allying with Wu.

“That’s easy, I don’t know the answers anyway.”

“Just like usual, then.”

Everyone has heard of Liu Bei.

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End interlude.

Running and hiding is what Shu does best.

Zhuge Liang looks forward to renewing his relationship with his brother.

Liu Bei starts to feel pangs of jealousy.

Surrender means instant castration.

“I wish to experience his fabled HARD GAY.”

Zhuge Liang is warned not to try HARD GAY with too many people at once.

Still, he relishes the challenge.

Modesty is one of Zhuge Liang’s virtues.

He is also Righteous, Good and a man of Justice.

An advisor accuses Zhuge Liang of damaging Liu Bei with intense HARD GAY.

“I admit he doesn’t have much strength in the bedroom, but he’s game for anything.”

“I would choose him over any man who refuses to be experimental in the bedroom.”

I can feel myself chuckling even now.

Another advisor wonders how Zhuge Liang would manage HARD GAY with a million men.

“One man, a million, I’ll sleep with as many as want me.”

“Show me your ‘weapon’ before making such claims!”

Zhuge Liang accuses his questioners of being poorly endowed.

“Did you come here to seduce me?”

These are truly chaotic times.

Zhuge Jin looks forward to an intense night with his brother.

Zhuge Liang adds him to the waiting list.

Zhuge Jin understands that he must wait his turn.