Guren roasts the guardian lizard.

Guren: The heroes are almost here- your role in this series just ended!

Seiryu: Not so fast! Wave of Light!

The lizard is saved as Seiryu bursts onto the scene.

Seiryu: I’m sick of you and your pathetic fashion sense- it’s time to end this!

Guren: You’re a fine one to talk about fashion! Taste my flames!

Kouchin and Masahiro arrive.

Masahiro: Leave this to me, Seiryu- I’ll beat him up with this oversized sword!

Masahiro struggles to raise the sword, which conveniently transforms into a lighter, more powerful weapon.

Masahiro: With this sword, all my stats are increased! I’m no longer the Level Seven boy you once knew! Arrows of Emptiness!

Guren: White hot dragon!

Masahiro: Defend and counter with special item- Beads!

Guren is trapped by the power of the beads.

Guren: Flaming Dragons!

Masahiro: You shouldn’t be such a one-trick pony, Guren! Counter!

Guren: Damn it, why did you have to get all these final battle bonuses?

Maahiro approaches Guren, invoking Flashback Mode of his time with Mokkun.

Masahiro: Blade Rush!

Masahiro stabs Guren and begins reciting a spell.

Masahiro: Input Spell Command- Seal Evil!

Guren’s Limiter headband reappears on his forehead. In a flash of light, the sword vanishes, leaving the body of Mokkun behind.

Masahiro: Mokkun! How will I level up now?

Masahiro performs a spell that appears to transfer his life force to Mokkun.

Masahiro: Even if I die, please let there be cute Mokkun plushies for everyone to enjoy.

As Masahiro collapses, Seimei’s party arrives on the scene.

(Seimei: Why now? It’s too late for me to become the main character!)

Meanwhile, Tenkuu visits Takaoka no Kami.

Tenkuu: I just realised it’s the last episode and no one knows anything about me- I need screen time fast!

Takao: Okay, let’s have a largely pointless conversation scene.

Meanwhile, the last two Shinshou watch over Seimei’s body.

Green-Hair: We’ve waited the whole series, and all we get is two measly lines!

White-Hair: All I can say is that there’d better be a season two.

Whilst other supporting characters quickly take the opportunity to have some screen time, Masahiro wanders a bleak and empty land.

Masahiro: Well, it looks like I’m dead- better cross the river to the underworld and end the series.

A woman appears.

Woman: I don’t often see main characters around here- there must be some sort of plot device we can use to get you out of this situation.

Masahiro: You’re right- I don’t want to give up being a main character yet!

The woman, who just happens to be Seimei’s deceased lover, sends Masahiro back to the land of the living. Mokkun also wakes up, and somehow blossoming trees appear out of nowhere. And back home, even Tenitsu is fine.

Seimei: Well, all’s well that ends well- except of course that Kazane died and now Mokkun has no memory of the series.

Masahiro: It can’t end here! Buy the novels if you want to find out what happens next!

THE END…at least for now.

Masahiro, Seimei and the others confront Chishiki no Guuji.

Chishiki no Guuji: Gwakaka, you’re too late to stop me! After all, it’s not as if there are two episodes left for you to thwart my plan to break the second seal on the underworld or anything! Now, let’s have a boss battle- Summon Demons!

Ugly demons rush forth to attack the active party.

Seiryu: It’s my time to shine! Scythe Sweep!

Byakko: Wind Tunnel!

Kouchin: Sai Smash!

Masahiro moves to change to the front row, but Seimei stops him.

Seimei: Masahiro, you must form a party with Seiryu and Kouchin and go ahead to the last seal- this sub-boss battle is not for you.

(Seimei: And besides, with your low level you might get killed, leaving the way open for me to finally take over!)

Masahiro: I don’t think I want to go, Grandfather- after all, I am still a child when all’s said and done.

Seimei: Shut up and do as you’re told, boy.

Masahiro, Kouchin and Seiryu go on ahead.

Chishiki no Guuji: I feel like I should do something to stop them, but I think I’ll stand here and watch.

Seimei: That’s right- your boss battle is against me!

Meanwhile, Guren has reached the large rock that is the second seal on the underworld.

Guren: Oh well, time to destroy this rock and let demons out into the world. Flame Dragon!

Guren’s Flame Dragon is dispelled by an ice attack from the seal’s guardian, a giant lizard.

Giant Lizard: Not so fast- I’m here to keep you occupied until the heroes arrive.

Elsewhere, Seimei, Byakko, Genbu and Taiin kill Chishiki no Guuji’s weak demons in one hit.

Chishiki no Guuji: This is getting boring now! Resurrection spell, somehow function as a teleport!

Seimei: Damn, if any of those demons leaves the map, it’s game over! Byakko, Genbu, Taiin, head back down the tunnel and kill them all as they try to leave!

The three Shinshou leave the field.

Chishiki no Guuji: Is it wise to battle alone? One wrong move and it’s game over for you.

Seimei: I may not be the main character, but I still have a few destined powers! Barrier on! Repel Evil!

Chishiki no Guuji: Blast of Evil!

Seimei: Blast of Good!

The two men begin duelling with their powers. Seimei soon gains the upper hand.

Seimei: Time to finish this!

Chishiki no Guuji: Wait! I’m actually your friend Ryuusai- I’ve just been controlled by evil all this time! Now let your guard down and enter Flashback Mode!

Seimei falls into Flashback Mode, but quickly recovers.

Seimei: That’s the oldest trick in the book- I won’t fall for it! Counterattack!

The battle resumes.

Chishiki no Guuji: Those anti-ageing spells are really taking their toll, aren’t they? You should stay old and ugly, like me!

Chishiki no Guuji summons some more demons.

Chishiki no Guuji: It’s over for you!

Rikugou: Spear ex machina! It’s never over for the heroes! Distraction attack!

Rikugou begins attacking Chishiki no Guuji.

Seimei: Input Spell Command! Breath of God!

Seimei charges up a powerful spell that obliterates the demons and rips Chishiki no Guuji’s body apart.

(Seimei: I could have used this attack right at the beginning, but then I wouldn’t have got as much screen time.)

Chishiki no Guuji is defeated. Taiin arrives and leads everyone to her discovery- the Chigaeshi no Miko sealed in ice.

Seimei: I’m on a roll here! Curse Release!

The ice melts, revealing the Miko.

Miko: Oh, I seem to have dozed off for a while…where am I?

Seimei: Well, the good news is that the man who sealed you has been defeated- the bad news is that your husband and daughter are dead. Still, we don’t have time to mourn- our last chance for screen time is to go after Masahiro!

As Guren continues to fight the giant lizard, Masahiro’s party equip themselves for the final battle.

Kouchin: Here is a giant sword I borrowed from Guts, er, I mean Suzaku, which inconveniently is the only thing that can hold the flame of Kagutsuchi needed to end this.

Masahiro: The sword is bigger than I am, but I’ll manage somehow.

To be continued…

We begin with a Flashback Mode, in which Chishiki no Guuji works on turning Kazane evil.

Kazane: Why am I all alone?

Chishiki no Guuji: You are a mere rejected main character idea, pushed aside in favour of Abe no Seimei and his family. Your mother disappeared and your father died, but because it was the wrong way round, they claimed your rightful place as lead!

Whilst Taiin uses Tornado to take Masahiro’s party to Izumo, Seimei stays at home to write.

(Seimei: I’m going to write to the director, the producer and everyone else to complain about how I never got to become the main character! If they don’t listen, I’ll refuse to sign a contract for any more seasons!)

Seiryu watches him.

Seiryu: What are you doing?

Seimei: Oh, nothing much. What about you- are you really going to kill Guren?

Seiryu: Of course! How dare he hog all the screen time when I’m so much better looking?

Masahiro’s party reaches Izumo.

Masahiro: Damn, the entrance to the dungeon isn’t here- we’re going to have to explore the map some more.

Kouchin: That would just waste our time with random encounters. Taiin, use your Wind Search ability to find where we need to go.

Taiin: I have that ability? Why did we never use it before?

Meanwhile, Kazane awakens to see her crow, Kai, is alive and well, albeit minus its evil second head.

Kai: You’re awake, Princess.

Kazane: You can talk?

Kai: Yes, they only just now cast a voice actor for me. Now, time is running out, so you must find out the truth by following me down this forbidden tunnel.

Kazane: But I’m not allowed down there, just in case I find out some disturbing secrets!

Kai: That’s the whole point- now come on.

Kazane follows Kai into a cave filled with stalactites and stalagmites.

Kazane: Oh my god! Just over there a stalactite and stalagmite have merged to become one! Oh, and my mother’s sealed inside too.

Kai: Since you haven’t figured it out yet, I should probably tell you that Chishiki no Guuji is the villain, not Seimei.

Kazane: Even though the evidence is right in front of my eyes, I just don’t know what to believe!

Chishiki no Guuji arrives and attacks the crow.

Chishiki no Guuji: I thought I told you not to come in here, my most important and completely unguarded cave!

When he sees the Chigaeshi no Miko, however, Ryuusai’s original personality struggles to break through.

Ryuusai: MIKOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Chishiki no Guuji: Shut up, Ryuusai- you’re supposed to be dead. Now, Kazane, as the series is coming to an end, shall we get down to business? I need you to break the first seal on the underworld.

Kazane: You- you’re evil, aren’t you?

Chishiki no Guuji: What gave it away? Was it the ugliness, the evil laugh, the desire to destroy the world for no good reason? Anyway, I shall now release your sealed powers!

After explaining himself in the way all villains must, Chishiki no Guuji undoes the seal he put on Kazane. She gets caught in a Flashback Mode of how zombies attacked her and her mother.

Chishiki no Guuji: Now, Seal Break!

Chishiki no Guuji uses Kazane’s powers to break the first seal on the underworld.

Chishiki no Guuji: Gwakakaka! Everything is going to plan!

Chishiki no Guuji summons Guren and they both head off to break the second seal.

Kazane: All this time…I was working for evil!

As demons from the underworld show up to eat Kazane, Kai appears.

Kai: Previously unmentioned magical powers!

Kai somehow teleports Kazane to the surface before the demons feast upon him. She starts to walk away, but a slime stabs her, and other demons move in for the kill. Fortunately, Masahiro’s party appears in time to rescue her.

Rikugou: Spear ex machina!

Masahiro: Input Spell Command! Destruction!

Taiin: Cyclone!

Genbu: Wind Slash!

The demons are defeated.

Masahiro: That’s some good EXP!

Kouchin: Rikugou will have to leave the party to care for Kazane. Let’s carry on.

Kazane: Rikugou, I’m sorry- I should have turned to the side of good earlier.

Rikugou: Actually, this has no bearing on anything, but my true name is Saiki.

Kazane: If only I were a main character, a wound like this would be nothing.

Kazane dies, or possibly just passes out. Meanwhile, Masahiro’s party reaches the cave of the second seal, where Seimei, Byakko and Seiryu join the party. They head inside for a boss battle with Chishiki no Guuji.

To be continued…

(Masahiro: Mokkun, why did you have to go? How am I going to level up now?)

Despite not being fully recovered, Masahiro decides to go out that night anyway. He meets up with the Demon Carriage and the minor Pokemon.

Masahiro: If I stay in bed too long, somebody will take my place as main character! Please take me to Kifune so that I can advance the plot instead.

Masahiro is taken to Kifune, where he talks with Takao.

Masahiro: Please, tell me how I can get Guren to rejoin my party.

Takao: Well, it’s not actually supposed to be possible since he’s been engulfed by evil and in danger of turning into a hideous monster, but I’m sure the power of love or some such plot contrivance will save the day.

Masahiro: Really?

Takao: Not that it matters if he dies anyway- he’ll just revive again, albeit without his memories of this series. Of course, not everyone would consider that a bad thing, but again, I’m sure you can defy the rules with special plot powers.

Masahiro: I will! I won’t let Mokkun die!

Takao: What a shame- if you clear him out of your party, there’ll be a spare slot for me and my amazing powers to join.

As Masahiro passes out, Kouchin appears to collect him.

Kouchin: He doesn’t need you in his party- he has us.

(Kouchin: The last thing we need is someone else competing for screen time!)

A few days later, Masahiro’s stamina bar has started to refill, so he decides to go to the Onmyou dorms.

Toshitsugu: Masahiro, you don’t look well- you should go home and rest up so that we supporting characters can have your screen time.

As Masahiro goes home, his brother Narichika approaches him.

Narichika: Hey brother, can you come over to my house so that my family can have some screen time?

(Masahiro: Screen time, screen time, screen time- what is their obsession?)

Later, Masahiro goes to Kifune again.

Masahiro: Look, I’ve thought it over, and I’m going to as you to join my party after all- that way I can seriously level up.

Takao: Well, since I’m Level 99 already, I’ve decided not to bother actually joining the party- I’ll just give you this special ability, Flame of Kagutsuchi.

Masahiro: What is this, Mai-HiME?

Takao: I wish- now, you’ll also need to equip Suzaku’s sword in order to use it.

Masahiro goes home to talk to Seimei.

Masahiro: Grandfather, I’ve been given special God Mode powers in order to defeat the final boss.

Seimei: I see.

(Seimei: Damn! This is the last nail in the coffin of my plan to become the main character!)

Masahiro makes preparations for the final dungeon.

Masahiro: Okay Mum, I’m going.

Mother: Okay dear.

Masahiro: Don’t you care about where I’m going, or how I got hurt last time?

Mother: Not really, no.

Masahiro equips Black Robe and Seimei’s Beads.

Seimei: Since you’re the main character, I’ll just leave this incredibly difficult and life-threatening mission to you. Good luck.

Masahiro and the Shinshou leave.

To be continued…

Seimei: Dispel!

Guren: Flaming Dragons! Now that I have left the party and become an opponent, my level has increased to 99!

Suzaku: We won’t give up! Screen Time Slash!

Taiin: Useless Wind Vortex!

Genbu: Shield!

Rikugou: Pointless Spear Waving!

Between them, the party are able to defend themselves, but only just.

Guren: This body burns with the heat of passion- nothing shall stop me!

Crow: Gwakaka, everything is going to plan! Now, Kazane, come over here!

Rikugou: Don’t do it, Kazane! You have the character design of a person who will eventually turn to the side of good.

Kazane: I’m sorry, but I have to foolishly follow the path of evil for a little while longer.

Kazane renders Nagako unconscious and heads towards Guren and the crow.

Crow: That’s it, come over here and attack Seimei, the villain who cause your father to die and your mother to disappear- or was it the other way round?

Rikugou: That’s not true!

Crow: Now, now, who’s more likely to be telling the truth- the righteous heroes, or a suspicious and evil two-headed crow?

Rikugou throws his spear, slicing the second head off the crow.

Kazane: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!

Kazane starts glowing with destined power, causing the giant spider to appear and stop Guren.

Suzaku: Good old deus ex machina- it never gets old.

The spider approaches Kazane.

Spider: In a convenient and entirely predictable plot twist, you are the daughter of the Chigaeshi no Miko- the very person needed to seal up the underworld!

Guren attacks again, burning the giant spider.

Guren: I hate spiders!

Spider: Even though I easily bested you moments before, your flames have suddenly become too strong for me! Final Attack- Curse Breaker!

The spider gives its life to dispel the cursed zone, enabling the hero party to escape. They are teleported to Kifune by Takao no Kami.

Takao no Kami: I probably could have done this anytime, but where would be the fun in that?

(Seimei: This could be my chance to score with a beautiful lady- and a god at that.)

Seimei: Taiin, use your wind to send everyone home- I’d like to talk to Takao in private.

Unfortunately, the giant centipede is still there to chaperone them.

(Seimei: Damn, I guess we’ll only be talking about plot matters after all.)

Takao: This isn’t good- our enemy has Guren and Kazane, the two keys needed to open up the underworld. Seimei, we need your help in stopping him.

Seimei: In a main character-like role? I am so there!

By the next day, Akiko and Nagako have recovered, but Masahiro has only just awakened.

Masahiro: I had a terrible dream- Mokkun left me and Grandpa became the main character!

Whilst Seimei confers with the Shinshou, Chishiki no Guuji paces around his villain’s lair.

Chishiki no Guuji: Gwakaka, everything is going to plan! Nothing can stop me now!

To be continued…

Masahiro: Where is everybody!? I’m only Level Seven- I can’t be expected to fight alone!

Masahiro uses a locator spell to find Genbu, Rikugou and Taiin. Over in the distance they see Nagako.

Taiin: She’s the one who created the curse- we should defeat her and see what happens.

Masahiro: Like I’m going to get any EXP from fighting a little girl- it’s best if I talk to her instead.

Masahiro approaches Nagako.

Nagako: Go away! No one loves me! I’m in despair!

Masahiro: Genbu, could you use your magic CCTV to show Nagako her mother?

Genbu does so.

Empress: Nagako, just in case you are somehow watching me right now, I want you to know that I love you.

Nagako: Mummy loves me! I want to see her now! I’m in despair!

In order to break the cloying sentimentality, a monster appears.

Rikugou: This is more like it- Equip Spear!

Taiin: Wind Slicer!

Taiin removes the creature’s arm and second head, but it regenerates.

Genbu: Barrier!

Masahiro: It’s no good- we need Mokkun in the party in order to defeat this.

The party continues to attack, but the creature regenerates after every successful blow. In desperation, Masahiro moves to the front row.

Masahiro: Plot powers, protect me!

Guren: Deus ex Flames!

Guren arrives just in time to toast the monster with his flames.

Masahiro: Guren, thank god you’ve arrived! Everything will be fine now that you’re standing here motionless with your seal ring removed- I mean, obviously nothing bad is going to-

Guren thrusts his hand through Masahiro’s torso. Masahiro falls to the ground in slow motion, before bleeding unrealistically over the floor.

Guren: Hmmph, Level Seven- hardly worth my time.

Guren tosses Masahiro over to the other three Shinshou.

Genbu: Healing!

Taiin: Masahiro, don’t die! Use your main character powers to recover somehow!

Kazane appears from nowhere.

Kazane: Mwahaha, he shall not recover, for I must become the main character!

Guren: All right, that’s enough talking- Flame Attack!

Rikugou: Defend!

Rikugou uses his cloak to defend against Guren’s flame attacks. Meanwhile, Nagako runs to Kazane.

Kazane: Nagako, all I wanted was for you to have the peaceful childhood I never did- that’s why I put you in danger and brought you to the underworld.

As Guren continues to attack, Suzaku, Tenitsu and bishie-Seimei arrive.

Seimei: Ah, I see you’ve injured Masahiro- perhaps it’s time for me to take over as main character.

Tenitsu: Masahiro is injured!? I’d better heal him!

(Seimei: Damn, stop helping the boy!)

Guren: I shall be the main character! Flames of Hell!

As Guren overpowers Seimei, the two-headed crow arrives.

Crow: Gwakaka, what do you think of my brand new form, Seimei?

Seimei: You may have tried to cunningly disguise yourself as my old friend, but I can see that you’re just a two-headed crow!

Crow: Hmm, you’re cleverer than you look, but no matter- I shall still reign supreme when I unleash the powers of the underworld! Guren, kill them all!

Guren: White Dragon!

To be continued…

Seimei: All right, my spin-off series begins here! Wait, these people are dead- it’s just a crappy dream sequence!

They disappear, and he wakes up.

(Seimei: I really thought I was on my way to being a main character that time.)

The next day, Masahiro and Mokkun check on Akiko’s sister Shouko.

Mokkun: Both of them are suffering from the Curse status effect, although as Akiko is a more prominent character she’s in worse condition.

Masahiro: I’m sick to death of that status effect! Why are the writers so lazy?

Mokkun: It’s not just the writers- the animators have used the exact same character design for both Shouko and Akiko.

Masahiro runs into Yukinari, who is armed with bow and arrows.

Masahiro: Yukinari, what’s going on?

Yukinari: The town has become a place of random encounters- everyone needs to be in battle mode at all times.

Meanwhile, Seimei is visiting the Mikado. When he realises he is being watched by Kazane and Princess Nagoko, he summons his party- Rikugou, Genbu and Taiin.

Kazane: Now really, Seimei, you can’t be thinking of initiating battle mode inside the palace, can you?

Seimei: Kazane, we’re getting towards the end of the series- just tell me who your boss is. Is it my old friend Ryuusai?

Kazane: Friend? He hates you for killing him!

Seimei: Well, that’s the first I’ve heard of it.

Kazane: Damn you, now I’ll have to initiate battle mode! Equip Thief Dressphere!

Kazane instantly changes clothes and takes the princess hostage.

Rikugou: Equip Spear!

Seimei: Kazane, if you truly are evil, won’t you obey convention by taking some time out to explain your plans?

Kazane: Forget that! Summon Miasma!

Dark miasma from the underworld wells up around Kazane. She takes the princess and jumps into the newly opened portal.

Genbu: Dispel Barrier on!

Seimei: There’s no doubt about it- Ryuusai is alive.

Seimei reports to Masahiro.

Masahiro: Why did they abduct Nagako- being kidnapped is Akiko’s role!

Seimei: It seems that the darkness in the Princess’ heart opened the gate to the underworld.

Masahiro: Well, I’d better go and undo it, then.

Seimei: Wait a minute- I still have exposition to go through! You see, fifty years ago this same thing happened, so my friend Ryuusai and I had to head out and deal with it. When we got to the cold lands, we were guided by giant bugs to the Priestess of the Overturned Earth. From there, it all went wrong, though, for Ryuusai, my only friend and lover, fell for the feminine wiles of that Priestess and left me!

Masahiro: Okay, okay, can we hurry it up a bit? These flashbacks are cutting into my levelling up time.

Seimei: Quiet, boy, this is my moment in the spotlight. Anyway, by the time I saw Ryuusai again he had been dumped, and his rejection caused him to turn evil.

In Flashback Mode, we see how Guren stepped in to protect Seimei, only to be taken over by Ryuusai’s spell of HARD GAY, causing him to attack his master.

Masahiro: Mokkun, don’t worry about it- that was in the past. Anyway, I suppose this means Ryuusai is the final boss.

Seimei: Actually, he was just a mid-boss- you see, he was being manipulated by Chishiki no Guuji, a previously unmentioned being of great evil.

Masahiro goes outside.

Masahiro: Well, that took up some time, but now we’d better actually do something. Long Range Search- Target Nagoko!

Masahiro locates the princess in a featureless, foggy realm.

Taiin: I know exactly where that is! Let’s go!

The party flies off to the Imperial Palace Entrance, where they trigger a portal that takes to them the underground.

Seimei: What’s going on? Have they left me behind again?

In the underworld, Guren finds himself separated from everyone else, just as Kazane appears.

Kazane: Binding Spell! The time has come for me to take revenge on you, for I am Ryuusai’s previously unmentioned daughter!

Guren: What is the deal with all these previously unmentioned friends and relatives?

Kazane brings out a stone made of Ryuusai’s blood and squeezes it onto Guren’s hand.

Kazane: You killed my father! Now pay for what you’ve done, or get saved by the hero in the attempt!

Guren is forced to break the gold headband that limits his power.

To be continued…

In a cave somewhere, an evil force is plotting.

Evil: Gwakaka, I must become king and rule this pathetic world! I’m not sure why, it’s just what we villains do!

Masahiro and Akiko discuss the birth of a new Imperial heir, and the convenient sister who took Akiko’s place in the harem.

Akiko: I know she’s only a minor character of plot convenience, but I do feel a little guilty about sending her off to the palace. If only I could see her just once.

Mokkun: As it turns out, Genbu has a special ability called Water Mirror that will let you do just that.

Masahiro heads out to the Onmyou dorms, but many people are absent due to a cold.

Masahiro: Looks like there’s a cold going round.

Mokkun: I hope that isn’t going to be the main theme of this episode, or else we’ll know the writers are really scraping the barrel.

Toshitsugu arrives, coughing and spluttering.

Toshitsugu: I’m ill, but I just had to get my screen time this episode, and they’ve even let me do a bit of foreshadowing. Masahiro, you will soon lose something precious to you.

(Masahiro: Could he be talking about…THAT? Surely not!)

Back home, Seimei talks with Seiryu.

Seimei: Seiryu, I think the current evil may be my old enemy from fifty years ago.

Seiryu: But I thought we defeated him.

Seimei: It looks like only main character power can defeat him, and someone somewhere didn’t see fit to make me the main character.

Elsewhere, Kazane is again contacted by her master via the crow.

Crow: Kazane, the time has come to move the plot ahead. Open the gates of evil!

Kazane: Why are we doing this again?

Crow: Back story comes later- now shut up and obey me!

Masahiro awakens from a dream in which Mokkun is running away and he cannot follow. He picks up Mokkun.

Masahiro: That was terrible! Don’t ever run away, Mokkun- I can’t handle battles without you!

Mokkun: I’m sorry, but since they bothered to animate this dream, it must have some kind of plot importance.

Masahiro: You know, I’ve been wondering- just why do you stay in that form when you could be a humanoid all the time like the other Spirit Summons?

Mokkun: It’s because I’m so darned cute.

The next day, Masahiro is leaving for the dorms when Seimei stops him.

Seimei: Masahiro, according to my predictions some events of plot importance are about to befall you.

Masahiro: Really?

Seimei: Yes, and they could be quite dangerous, so if you ever feel that you need to hand over the mantle of main character, I’d be glad to help out.

Meanwhile, Kazane is at the palace with the young princess Himemiya.

Himemiya: I hate being a female character! We always get shafted in favour of the boys.

Kazane: I know how you feel…now use your hatred to bring forth a monster of the week!

A black smoke rises up and destroys several minor Pokemon before turning into a blob demon. At the same time, Masahiro and Seimei wake up.

Seimei: I sense a miasma of evil- something is surely about to go wrong. Masahiro, Mokkun, Genbu, Taiin, Rikugou- move out!

Genbu, Taiin and Rikugou go to the source of the miasma, and encounter the Blob Demon.

Taiin: That thing’s too hideous- I refuse to fight it!

Rikugou: Fine, I’ll do it- Equip Spear!

Kazane joins the enemy party.

Kazane: Sorry, but I can’t have you finishing this battle too soon, or the producers will go spare!

Kazane engages Rikugou. The other two are left to deal with the blob.

Taiin: Damn this ugly blob! Mini-Tornado!

Genbu: Wall of Water!

Whilst the blob is defeated, Rikugou uses Steal Accessory to acquire Kazane’s magatama necklace.

Rikugou: Hmm, this doesn’t really go with my outfit- here, have it back. And you know, you’d really have a better time of it if you joined us.

The evil crow, Ryuusai, appears.

Ryuusai: Kazane, don’t go soft just because he isn’t attacking you! You can advance greatly as a minor and disposable mid-boss of evil! We can destroy the world for no good reason together!

Kazane and the crow make their escape. Meanwhile, Masahiro visits the palace and discovers that a curse has been cast on the Mikado’s family- and back home, Akiko falls unconscious from it too.

Masahiro: Akiko! Don’t fall under yet another negative status effect!

To be continued…

Masahiro: This sort of thing is really boring and unworthy of a main character- especially one who’s just reached Level Seven.

Yoshimasa summons Masahiro.

Yoshimasa: Masahiro, there’s something I have to tell you- your previously unmentioned older brother Narichika has returned from the city and has started asking for screen time. Could you go and visit him?

Meanwhile, Tenitsu and Suzaku talk to Akiko.

Akiko: So, Masahiro has a previously unmentioned older brother?

Suzaku; Actually, he has two brothers- and they both have wives and families of their own.

Akiko: They do? Wow, they must be really unimportant not to have been mentioned up until now.

Elsewhere, Narichika (Level Forty) and his family are being attacked by a baboon demon just as Masahiro arrives.

Masahiro: This must be why Father sent us- he knew that only someone of my skills could protect my brother!

Mokkun: I’m sorry, but if your brother is on the battlefield, I can’t join the active party. You’ll have to do this one alone.

Masahiro: What? I might get game over!

Narichika: Input spell command! Seal Evil!

Nairchika attacks the demon, but does minimal damage.

Narichika: Damn, I’m out of MP!

Masahiro: Don’t worry, Ani-ue, your weaker and less experienced younger brother is here! Input Spell Command- Repel Evil!

Mokkun: Back Row Support! Flame Cage!

The demon runs away.

Masahiro: Damn- if the enemy escapes then I don’t get any EXP!

Narichika: Brother, thanks for coming over so that I could get a bit of screen time- I even see you’ve levelled up a bit.

Masahiro: Yes- just ninety-two levels to go until I max out!

Masahiro returns home, but Mokkun goes off by himself.

(Mokkun: What if Masahiro decides he doesn’t want HARD GAY with me now that his brother is back?)

Spirit Summon Kouchin appears.

Kouchin: What’s up, Touda?

Mokkun: Wow, this must be the first line you’ve spoken this whole series!

Kouchin: I’m not bitter about my lack of screen time; after all, I’ve been busy with other projects, like playing Chen in Jyu-Oh-Sei.

(Kouchin: Damn that director! He promised me a good role this time!)

Meanwhile, Masahiro reports to Seimei.

Masahiro: It’s not fair! Mokkun made me go in the front row for this battle!

Seimei: Well, you are the main character, and that was the sort of generic enemy that should die in one hit. Don’t blame others for your lack of levelling up.

Kouchin appears.

Masahiro: Who’s that? Is she another previously unmentioned family member?

Seimei: That’s Kouchin, one of the Spirit Summons. Since she hasn’t had any screen time so far, I’m adding her to your active party. Now, go out there and fight that baboon whilst I stay here and do nothing.

The party takes Kurumanosuke into town to search for the baboon. They catch up with it just as it returns to Narichika’s house.

Mokkun: That’s it- I’m going to the back row!

Rikugou: Block attack!

Narichika: Stun!

Masahiro: Input Spell Command! Energy Seal!

They attack the baboon, but it sustains minimal damage and summons three smaller baboons to the field. Meanwhile, the second squad of Mokkun and Kouchin encounter more small baboons.

Kouchin: Equip Sais! Mokkun, you’d better go and protect the child!

Mokkun: But the reason I’ve been skulking around is because I hate children! They pull my fur and tail!

The battle continues, but the lead baboon breaks into the house and steals Narichika’s baby daughter Kohime.

Mokkun: Guren Mode! Damn, this is all because I stood around whinging and doing nothing- but now I will get the kid back!

Mokkun goes after the baboon, and is soon joined Kouchin and Masahiro.

Masahiro: I must make sure to get the EXP when the baboon goes down- it could take me all the way to Level Eight!

Guren: Flame Snakes!

The baboon dodges the attack, but drops Kohime, forcing Guren to equip her.

Guren: Damn, every time I equip a baby my stats go down by 20%! Flaming Dragons!

Guren defeats the baboon.

Guren: Now, someone unequip this baby from me!

Masahiro takes Kohime.

Masahiro: You shouldn’t hate children, Mokkun- see, they’re really quite cute.

Kouchin: Don’t worry about him- he’s just upset because they’re never as cute as you were.

The next day, Masahiro and Mokkun walk home whilst Byakko, Taiin, Genbu and Kouchin observe.

Byakko: I wonder what the point of this episode was.

Genbu: Beats me.

Masahiro: Hey, do you guys want to eat mochi with us?

Taiin: Yay, screentime!

Taiin, Byakko and Genbu run off to join Masahiro.

Seiryu: Pah, those guys will do anything for even a spot of attention from the main characters, but I won’t stop at anything less than a promotion to major character!

To be continued…

Masahiro: Help, this guy is so generic and boring! He mustn’t be allowed to become the main character!

Mokkun arrives.

Mokkun: I can’t believe this! It’s all Takaokami no Kami’s fault that this generic ghost ended up in your body!

Masahiro: But why me?

Mokkun: It’s because you’re the main character, idiot! But she should have realised that you’re only Level Six- you can’t afford to have a status effect like Stamina Drain!

Whilst Masahiro and Mokkun head off to Kifune, Seimei talks to Rikugou, Genbu and Taiin.

Seimei: Hmm, Masahiro is only Level Six- I wonder if he’ll be able to succeed on this difficult mission. It would be a shame if he died and some other talented onmyouji had to step in and take over as the main character.

Rikugou: I guess that means you want us to join his party.

(Seimei: No, that’s not what I mean at all! Damn, at this rate I’ll never get to be the main character!)

At Kifune, Masahiro and Mokkun encounter a Slime Fusion Demon.

Mokkun: Guren Mode! Come on, Masahiro, you can make it to Level Seven with this! Flame Binding!

Masahiro: Change to Back Row! Input Spell Command- Banishment!

The spells have no effect.

Masahiro: What’s going on? Do we have to Data Drain it first?

Guren: Equip Flame Spear!

Meanwhile, bishie-Seimei, Rikugou, Taiin and Genbu enter the battlefield as a separate party. They encounter a Slime Fusion Demon.

Rikugou: Evade!

Taiin: Vortex!

Rikugou: This isn’t like a normal monster- does anyone have a Twilight Bracelet?

Guren is having difficulty fighting the Slime Fusion Demon.

Guren: Masahiro, there’s a strong possibility of game over right about now!

The monster ensures Masahiro and Guren in tentacles.

Guren: I refuse to let you violate me with these tentacles! Burning Release!

Guren is freed, but Masahiro is drawn into the beast’s maw. Meanwhile, Seimei’s party continues to fight their monster.

Taiin: Vortex!

Genbu: Earth Spikes!

Seimei: Input Spell Command- Binding!

Rikugou: Finishing blow!

After the attacks, Rikugou pulls Kazane out of the monster.

Rikugou: What a hideous type of monster- pulling people inside its Tentacle Violation Prison.

Genbu: Kazane seems so small and vulnerable now, but she could easily turn evil again.

Seimei: Even so, it is hardly heroic to kill her whilst unconscious. We must heal her so that she can become a threat in future episodes.

Whilst Seimei heals Kazane, Guren continues to fight, only for Takaokami no Kami to appear.

Takaokami no Kami: Female form! Guren, what are you doing? Masahiro will get less EXP if he doesn’t strike the final blow!

Guren: But he could die this way!

Takaokami no Kami: If he dies here, he is not worthy of being the main character.

Masahiro wakes up in a dark world.

Masahiro: Damn, I’m all alone here, but I can’t be defeated by this empty, featureless world!

The blackness starts choking him, and as a defence, Masahiro enters Snow Village Illusion to confront the generic.

Masahiro: Generic, why do you want to become the main character?

Generic: Every generic yearns for the day when they can become the main character, but what I really want above all else is just to have a name!

Masahiro: I understand- well, not really, because I am a main character already- but nonetheless, here is a portal to another world, where you can become a named character of importance!

Masahiro somehow opens a world of green fields where the generic can become a main character with his wife and child.

Masahiro: Damn, that really drained the last of my stamina- but wait a moment, my Limit gauge is full!

Masahiro uses his Limit Break to blow up the Slime Fusion Demon from the inside. He returns to the real world, but remains unconscious.

Guren: Wake up, Masahiro! You can’t die when we still have nine episodes left!

Masahiro: When has the main character ever died at this stage?

Kazane wakes up just as the two-headed crow arrives.

Crow: You miserable, pathetic underling! Now come on, let’s go.

Guren returns to Mokkun mode.

Masahiro: You know, as I am indeed the main character, I think it’s about time you told me your secrets.

Mokkun: I guess it’s time to learn of my tragic past, then. You see, normally Spirit Summons are not allowed to harm people, but there was this one time when I almost killed Seimei in the throes of intense HARD GAY.

Masahiro: Okay, that’s enough of your life story- let’s hug in the snow for a while and then go home.

Back at home, Masahiro wakes up in bed.

Akiko: Masahiro, you’ll be pleased to know that Tenitsu has healed your HP- and that you are now Level Seven!

To be continued…