“Did you really suggest we should have HARD YURI here in public?”

“No, I specifically told you not to do that!”

(“Damn, my shocked reaction must have made her embarrassed at suggesting it.”)

“Anyway, what would you like me to buy you when I’m in Italy?”

“Well, last year I saw some sex toys on sale, but the teacher never left us alone long enough for me to buy them.”

“Can you please try to get me at least one kinky piece of bedroom equipment?”

“You do know I’m under eighteen and can’t enter certain shops, right?”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.”

Note Sachiko’s look of possessive seduction.

“That means it’s just the two of us.”

“Then let’s waste no time in having some quick Pleasure.”

“Don’t you want HARD YURI with me?”

(“Of course I do, but I’m sick of always being the submissive one! Still, if that’s what Mistress, I mean Rei wants…”)

Shimako feels left out when Yumi and Yoshino return from a liaison.

“Yumi takes a while to get aroused.”

“I bet you’re more of a swift lover, aren’t you, Yoshino?”

“That doesn’t mean I want HARD YURI right now!”

“Yumi, I can show you ways to get your motor running faster.”

“Hmm, if they don’t want HARD YURI now, I’ll have to wait until we’re on the plane and there’s nowhere to run.”

“But I don’t want anyone to accuse me of taking them against their will…”

“…hot lesbian chicks!”

“It’s like we’re five year olds!”

“It’s just to make it more boring.”

“All right, we’re here- time to try some of that fabled Italian Pleasure!”

“Is buying a pen too extreme? The excitement, the unpredictability- the viewers just aren’t ready for it!”

“Now that we’re away from our onee-samas, let’s decide who gets to have a go at being dominant!”

Note how the two single beds have been pushed together for ease of access.

“Now let’s get straight down to HARD YURI!”

There is clearly no time to waste.

“Yumi, you may be a slow starter, but once you get going, it is most Pleasurable.”

“Glad to oblige.”

“Regular HARD YURI is what female friends are for, isn’t it?”

Yumi gets excited at the prospect of seeing Yoshino naked in the bath.

“Should I take a peek?”

“I didn’t realise you wanted to bathe with me.”

“Those Italians will have Pleasure at the drop of a hat.”

“It’s even acceptable to ask for service from random beggars.”

(“…they just experiment with everything!”)

She does have a point.

“The collar and chain fit perfectly!”

“I’m not sure where Sachiko got our bondage gear, to be honest.”

“This dominatrix outfit would really spice things up in the bedroom.”

“A brand new method we can try!”

“Of course, we’ll need to find submissives to try it out on when we get back.”

“Of course I’m not cheating on you!”

“I can’t bear to be away from onee-sama’s whip for a whole week!”

“One day I won’t have her at all!”

“She doesn’t know about our kinky secret affair.”

“Hello everyone, I’m here for a gratuitous cameo- I hope you remember my name.”

“Now come with me to a secluded place, little girls.”

“I imagine women’s naked bodies, soaping themselves…”

“…group HARD YURI.”

“As Lilian students, I knew you would all be willing to participate.”

“Thank you for making this group HARD YURI so good, Shimako.”

“Hey, could I have HARD YURI with you too?”

“Yumi, it isn’t right for a submissive like you to come on so strong.”

“Could it be that you don’t want me to be dominant, but would prefer that we were bedroom equals?”

“If you’re ready to try dominant, you should get your own petite soeur.”

“And make the most of being submissive- it won’t last forever.”

What an eloquent postcard.

“I’ve reached the screen time limit for a minor character, so I must go now.”

“Evil possessive witch queen Touko, or androphobic lesbian stalker Kanako?”

“I know it must be hard to choose between two such attractive offers, but one day you must pick one or the other.”

Beware the scary talking bird.

Neo Venezia Venice is briefly glimpsed.

I neglected to mention it before, but there was also a bizarre and pointless sub plot about Sei following the girls to Italy to keep an eye on them from the shadows.

“My gaydar definitely picked her up.”

“Hello, I’m back from the most boring Italian holiday ever- and I brought you something special.”

“Nude photos of me and Yoshino!”

“Will I be the only one who gets to see these?”

“Well, actually, I sent some to Touko and Kanako.”

“You realise that they might want HARD YURI if you carry on like this?”

“HARD YURI, BI, I’m up for it all- that’s why I sent photos to the boys as well.”

“The way you come onto everyone in sight.”

“I think I’ll ask for high resolution prints of these nude images.”

After two seasons and twenty-six episodes of flower petals, HARD YURI and angst, the infamous Maria-sama ga Miteru decided to take a rest from TV series format and adapt the next part of the novels as five fifty-minute OVA episodes. Having enjoyed the TV series, I was initially interested to see where the story would go next, but as I was soon to discover, this OVA seemed designed to weed out the true MariMite enthusiast from the milder fan.

Unfortunately, as a member of the latter group, I was soon to find that the OVA simply lacked the quiet charm that I had once associated with the series- instead it was long, drawn out and largely boring. Instead of using the fifty-minute time span to fit more in, the lengthened episodes seem designed only to slow everything down as much as possible- after all, why take five minutes establishing a set-up when you have twenty to play with? With each episode the inevitable cycle repeated- this time around it hadn’t been great, but maybe the next instalment would deliver. Unfortunately, after five episodes of mediocrity, it had to be concluded that, overall, it had utterly failed to get going.

Episode one: a vacation in the middle of nowhere
During the television series, I had never thought of MariMite as full-on HARD YURI; the rather strong friendships between the girls seemed there more to entice the yuri fangirls than to actually gratify them. This was all to change in the OVA, however, starting with an episode that featured such delights as a generic trio of evil lesbians and Yumi getting all hot and bothered at the prospect of Sachiko getting undressed.

The excitement (such as it is) begins when Sachiko invites Yumi to accompany her to the family vacation house, surely a wondrous yet simultaneously terrifying opportunity to spend some quality time with her onee-sama. Naturally, however, things aren’t as good as they seem, with Sachiko not only completely disinterested in doing anything other than aimless hanging around the house, but with Yumi also forced to cope with jealous cousins (the aforementioned lesbian trio). If anything, the vacation looks like one of those hellish mixtures of dislikeable acquaintances and long stretches of boredom, but even though Yumi uses her Tohru Honda power to ultimately foil the lesbians and spread happiness everywhere, she ultimately wastes the chance of one exciting day by electing to laze about the house with Sachiko- again.

I have to admit that I actually feel quite sorry for Yumi; much as she adores Sachiko, it seems to be quite a difficult relationship. Sachiko seems to take an almost sadistic pleasure in acting coldly or formally towards Yumi, whilst always making sure to show just enough affection from time to time to keep the younger girl cruelly bound to her. Meanwhile, poor Yumi has to navigate the difficult waters of keeping onee-sama happy, ever fearful of making a mistake that would incur her wrath. She cannot even take it out by playing dominant on her potential petite-soeurs, since Touko is more openly evil and Kanako is a crazed psychotic stalker (more on this later). What’s a submissive girl to do, except give in and take that whipping?

Episode two: overcoming androphobia
It’s back to school for the second OVA episode, and surprisingly our HARD YURI girls are ready to open a dialogue for BI with the Hanadera boys’ school that Yumi’s brother and other named male characters attend. Unfortunately, despite having grown up with close male relatives in the family, Sachiko has a terrible aversion to anything containing the Y chromosome, and so the others must plan how to introduce her to the male of the species. Should they trick Sachiko into an unexpected meeting with the boys’ school student council and see how she fares? No, says Yumi, for how can she deceive her beloved onee-sama and face the inevitable whipping that would result?

Even knowing the truth, however, Sachiko is not one to chicken out and lose face, and so even though she goes weak and feels faint at the sight of so many males in one room, she boldly meets the Hanadera council. And, just in case you were beginning to think that spending fifty minutes on this one rather insignificant event was going a bit overboard, fear not, because the episode also has Development for Characters You’ve Never Met Before and Hardly Care About! In particular, we learn that one of the Hanadera boys is actually a transsexual who always longed to attend Lilian and become Sachiko’s petite soeur. A tragic tale indeed, but are we really supposed to invest time and emotion in someone who has just been introduced?

Episode three: now they’re into cross-dressing!
The first two episodes may have been slow and boring, but it was at this stage in the OVA that things were to take a turn towards the bizarre. Having agreed to help out at the Hanadera festival, the lovely ladies of the Yamayurikai tentatively venture into the realm of HARD GAY sex-starved males, who become so overwhelmed by the presence of women that they start acting rather strangely. From bizarre events like climbing up a greased slope to get to a girl waiting at the top, to kidnapping Yumi (they mistake her for her brother due to the aforementioned cross-dressing), Hanadera’s festival is a strange and scary one indeed, and the sight of Sachiko running towards Yumi in a panda suit only cements the surreal nature of it all.

Also making her debut in this episode is Kanako, the psycho lesbian stalker with an obsessive desire to be with Yumi. Unfortunately, Kanako has more issues than these trifling matters- ever since her father had an affair, she has developed a hatred of man that would make Sachiko look like a nymphomaniac- and when she finds out that Yumi actually has male relatives and even talks to men, she turns against the ‘tainted one’. Most people would rather have nothing more to do with Kanako at this point, but Yumi maintains a relationship with her, even though Kanako’s possessiveness makes the previously evil Touko now seem like a reasonable choice of petite soeur.

Episode four: Sports day at my school was never like this
In case you thought that the strangeness was restricted to Hanadera, however, the fourth episode went a long way to prove that this was far from the case, with Lilian’s sports festival proving to be quite unlike anything I’ve ever seen on a sports day before. When you think of such an day, one tends to imagine an emphasis on standard track and field events, but not so here- instead we see bizarre and quite childish ball games, pointless cosplay, dancing and a ‘centipede race’. Now admittedly I didn’t care much for PE in school and never paid much attention to sports day, but I can say with no small degree of confidence that it bore very little resemblance to anything seen in this episode.

Episode five: How can they even make Italy boring?
The final leg in this marathon of torturous melodrama and drawn out nothingness promised a school trip to Italy, and despite the disappointment of episodes one to four, I was certain that even this OVA could not mess this one up. Unfortunately, I should have known better- not only did it take ten minutes just to get on the plane in the first instance, but after that, we had to have lengthy sequences both in the airport and the hotel room, where in a dramatically shocking turn of events, Yoshino contracts a slight fever and is completely recovered by the next morning!

After this rather unexciting build-up, we do actually get to see some stills of the various sights of Italy’s most well-known cities, along with a cameo from Rosa Canina, who appeared so long that I had forgotten she was even studying in Italy in the first place. Naturally, Yumi’s enjoyment of the trip is marred by the fact that she has to spend an entire week away from onee-sama’s arms, but to make up for it, the episode sprinkles in hints that Sei has secretly travelled to Italy and is keeping an eye on them from afar (why? What was the point of this whole inclusion?).

And so, finally all is said and done, with 250 minutes of life irretrievably lost to the watching of this OVA, and a fourth season waiting in the wings to air when it will. I, for one, can hardly wait.

Audiovisual
OVAs are usually known for having better production values than their respective TV series, but MariMite is very inconsistent on this score; sometimes the characters are drawn well, whilst at other points the animation staff seems to have gone on a long break. Distance shots are especially poor, with characters often sporting exceptionally long limbs that would not look out of place in the infamous xxxHOLiC anime. Background music is the same quiet and inoffensive selection as in the TV series.

Final Thoughts
Once, the quiet setting and angsty melodrama of MariMite was enjoyable to watch, but this OVA really pushed it to the limit, ranging from the long and drawn out through the tiresomely clichéd and all the way to the bizarre. Unless you are dedicated fan of the franchise, give this one a miss and just read novel summaries to get caught up on the story.

“Sachiko, here’s a new Pleasure toy for you.”

“Just like me, really.”

Now for the next sport’s day event- a flower dance.

Here we have the group HARD YURI known as the centipede race.

After all the foreplay, a climax is finally in sight.

First, a club vs. club relay, seemingly at odds with the colour team setup.

Even the writers realised they had better smooth over that point by having a second relay.

“Give me HARD YURI.”

“Sorry, where are my manners? Please give me HARD YURI.”

“Where do you want it? It seems a little public in the open here.”

“Don’t you know my favourite places by now?”

“We’ve done it in so many places, though.”

“I can’t believe you’re unable to telepathically sense my every whim!”

“I guess this means you don’t consider us intimate enough for me to meet your parents.”

“I never thought that! Let’s go and meet the parents straightaway!”

No sooner said than done.

The parents are quick to offer Sachiko Pleasure.

“We’ve only just met, and already we’re having Pleasure.”

“Still, I’m not one to refuse Pleasure- especially now I’ve discovered BI.”

Next, a bizarre HARD YURI dance ritual.

“Come back, Onee-sama!”

“Now I’m having HARD YURI with Kanako!”

“By the way, what sort of S&M do you want me to give you?”

“Will it be a type of HARD YURI I can do straightaway?”

“It depends on what items we have to hand.”

“Let me help you forget about Kanako.”

After the dance, the Yamayurikai are forced into a particularly daring type of HARD YURI.

“This method of HARD YURI sounds too inelegant for my tastes.”

“Now we’ve got up, we might as well have some sort of HARD YURI.”

The happy couple waits to try the new method.

Generics are invited to watch them.

It’s time for another bizarre sports day event.

Complete with fan dancing.

“We are connected by the bond of main characters.”

“Do not refuse them any kind of Pleasure!”

“I like the idea of asking random strangers for Pleasure- it will inject some variety into our lives.”

“I am sure I can easily pass as a student at this school.”

“I don’t remember that guy- is he in your class?”

How cheerful.

As part of the borrowing race, Yumi is forced to ask for BI from a man in the crowd, who conveniently happens to be Sachiko’s father.

It is an exciting session.

All we need are three more weddings to make up the set.

“I enjoyed that BI- would you mind coming over and giving it to me again sometime?”

“…if you get my drift.”

“You can come too, Touko- we’ll make it a group session.”

“…but only for HARD YURI with Sachiko.”

“That means you’re the sort of person who would just have Pleasure with some random guy from the crowd?”

Beware the man who asks you to call him Uncle.

“By the time I get back, I will have been in the restroom for hours, but no one will suspect I was lying.”

“Grandfather must not know about this afternoon- he would hate to think I went and had BI without him.”

“I’ve injured myself, and so I can’t have HARD YURI with you like I promised.”

“Feed my masochistic urges!”

“I have no time for that- I must go and find a replacement lover.”

“I don’t have time to seduce anyone else, so it’ll have to be you, Yumi.”

The high-speed HARD YURI relay begins.

“Must run towards Onee-sama…whilst animators save budget with this featureless background.”

“I’m ready for that S&M session now.”

“You must really desperate for it!”

“Well then, will you really mind being submissive the whole time?”

“It’s okay- the pain is what this sort of session is all about, isn’t it?”

“Even so, I’m still curious about the type of HARD YURI you had planned for me.”

Unable to restrain her desires, Yumi begins having her way with Kanako.

“All I wanted was to have a photo, just like any stalker.”

“I thought you wanted to tie me up and do obscene things to me- I’m actually quite disappointed.”

“We’ve gone through a lot, but this time our HARD YURI is on the right track.”

Yoshino tries to arrange a group HARD YURI session.

“Should I sleep with her or not?”

“We also need to arrange relay HARD YURI, an intense session where partners are constantly swapped in and out.”

“Who would like to take part?”

“This sounds like a job for me, character of the episode!”

“This is the perfect chance for Yoshino and I to have HARD YURI!”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Even so, I’m not familiar with this type of group session, so I may not offer good Pleasure.”

“It’s enough just to have had HARD YURI with you, no matter what the quality.”

You go, girls!

“Yumi, I understand you’re still interested in Kanako as a partner.”

“I have realised that if I want you to become a better partner, I have to stop being so possessive and let you have experience with other lovers.”

“And once you have learned all that she can teach, return to me and warm my bed.”

“Okay, I’m off for HARD YURI with Kanako!”

“Damn, I wanted a quick session before she left.”

“Kanako, I know we broke up last episode, but I’ve had a change of heart…”

“As an obsessive stalker, you must have some feelings for me.”

“Stalking you is so last episode!”

“Anyway, one day you were a kind, gentle and friendly personality, and the next you completely changed into a kind, gentle and friendly personality!”

This is a realistic series indeed.

“If we take this plausible situation as reality, we can start the stalker-victim relationship all over again!”

“The viewers aren’t going to swallow that, and neither will I!”

“Having HARD YURI with you would now be more painful than pleasurable to me.”

“Then let’s have an S&M session.”

“Let me just think of all the things Sachiko did to me.”

“We can participate in the group HARD YURI then.”

“If we do this, I want the chance to be dominant for at least part of the session.”

“Very well; I’m used to being the submissive one, so I’ll do anything you want.”

“Within certain restrictive parameters, of course.”

Kanako reveals that she is suffering from thin leg syndrome.

“Did you take on a new lover, Yumi? You seem to have a kind of glow.”

“Now is not the time to be admiring each other’s love lives!”

What happened to having different classes compete against each other at the sports festival?

“Anyway, here are our prospective partners for the group session.”

Ten minutes in, and we finally get to the actual festival.

“…but I need urgent HARD YURI!”

“You’ve been sleeping with Kanako, haven’t you?”

“What do you need her for when I’m all ready to play dominant to your submissive?”

“Kanako is an unstable stalker with a bipolar personality and family issues- so of course I’m attracted to her!”

“You always know how to service my needs, Yumi.”

“I’ve never had such passionate HARD YURI from her this early in the day.”

All of a sudden there are six seemingly randomly picked teams, not just the three mentioned earlier.

Who is this guy? Could a man possibly be on the Lillian faculty?

Ball-rolling, a well known Olympic sport.

Is it me, or is this race a little bizarre, and even laughable?

Don’t be fooled though, this isn’t just about rolling small white balls- it also involves tennis balls and basketballs. It’s a wild crazy world out there!

Then we have these ‘big balls’ of indeterminate purpose. Are they used to drive away men from the school?

Cross-dressing, back by popular demand.

“I didn’t used to care for cross-dressing.”

“…but after the events of last episode, I’ve got into it in a big way.”

“Every episode could just be about me staring at Sachiko with undisguised lust.”

We’ve had ball rolling, so what comes next? Ball throwing, of course!

And then ball basketing…what happened to the hundred metres and the long jump?

Let the ball throwing commence.

Well, you wouldn’t expect to find balls at an all-girls school, would you?

Next up- tossing balls into a stationary basket.

“Hey, did you know that as a third year the demands on your Pleasure time get more intense?”

“The nuns teach you all kinds of advanced techniques.”

“No wonder they’re always exhausted.”

Verily, I am most vexed about the situation.

A non-ball event is mentioned, even if it is equally bizarre.

The only thing I have to say about the next few images is- “isn’t this meant to be a sports festival, not a cosplay competition?”

(“I was wrong to try to build a relationship with another woman- Sachiko is all I need.”)

“I’m sure you’ve realised by now that that girl isn’t right for you.”

“I, on the other hand, am all the woman you’ll ever need.”

“It may seem that I am only using you for sex, but there is more to it than that.”

“You and I are destined HARD YURI partners.”

“So don’t ever think that you can escape me.”

“Even faking your death would not be enough.”

“Even if you were to change your identity, I would find you and bring you back to my side.”

The fated day has arrived, and so it is time to venture into a world of men.

It certainly looks like a terrifying place.

Yoshino has been away from men so long that she has trouble identifying them.

Meanwhile, the presence of so much testosterone gives Shimako a headache.

“It’s not pleasant, but you learn to adapt.”

“Go Generic Sentai! And Strange Ball!”

“I’ve told everyone that the punishment for trying to have STRAIGHT with you will be harsh.”

“To be honest, anyone who did have STRAIGHT would probably be too embarrassed to come back to school afterwards.”

In an odd turn of events, Yumi ends up having PANDA.

“Why did he choose me for PANDA?”

“If you don’t want PANDA, let me have it instead.”

“No way! What Panda and I share is something special.”

“Right, next it’s time for cross-dressing.”

“Looking good, Noriko.”

“…and maybe some make-up, then we could have a really kinky cosplay session.”

“Well, we’ll have to make do with dressing you up as your brother.”

Now this is plot development.

The Mystery of the Cardboard Box, coming soon to a cinema near you.

The men crowd around for their first good look at women in ages.

The girls climb to the top of the steps, out of reach of the sex-starved young men.

“Yumi, I know I will be called on for BI in this situation, but I can manage.”

“After your efforts last episode, I’m actually quite interested in trying BI on this scale.”

“You should be able to have quite intense BI without breaking this chair.”

“I’ll stay with Onee-sama and help her with the BI.”

“I’m in trousers, so no one can easily take advantage of me.”

“Aren’t you scared of the sheer volume of men to be serviced?”

Is it me, or is this game rather bizarre?

Desperate for female contact, the men launch themselves upwards.

“I’m scared- they may be too rowdy for me to cope with!”

“You can manage it, Onee-sama, especially if I hold your hand.”

“Forward men, there are females at the top!”

I don’t even know what the point of this exercise is.

“Forward, men! This may be our only chance for STRAIGHT in a long time!”

“They’re happy to be getting their first STRAIGHT in a while.”

Not content with normal STRAIGHT, some of the men decide to try bondage.

“Yumi has been away from me for more than five minutes- it’s possible she has found a new lover.”

“Now obey my orders and go and look for her- I am a more important character than you are, after all.”

Conveniently, Yumi has dropped her lollipop, offering the sort of blatant clue you find in cheap detective novels.

“All right, boys, time for some bondage action!”

“Wait a second, this is a girl! We wanted HARD GAY bondage with Yuuki!”

“To cut a long story short, we honestly thought that taking him against his will was a good way to get recognition and status.”

“You weirdoes don’t deserve screen time! Take me back to Onee-sama now!”

“We can’t let her go now, it will mark us as lower than the average generic!”

“Nice backside.”

“I was just having HARD GAY with these guys to pass the time.”

“Anyway, the important thing is that Yumi is safe, although she has become one with Panda.”

A Twilight Onion is spotted in the crowd.

“Panda!”

“Onee-sama!”

“PANDA!”

“ONEE-SAMA!”

“PANDAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

“ONEE-SAMAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”

Sachiko experiences her first PANDA.

“Onee-sama, I had too much PANDA and I actually turned into one!”

“I don’t know if you can still love what I have become.”

“Yumi, I already told you that no matter what form you take, you will always be my sex slave.”

And finally, the ED, a truly subtle piece of animation.

Meet Kanako, Yumi’s newest admirer.

“So anyway, did you hear that Yumi has a new girlfriend?”

“You should watch out, Sachiko.”

“She definitely wants HARD YURI with Yumi.”

“It’s just a platonic relationship, I swear!”

“It’s too late- Sachiko is already jealous that there’s another woman in your life.”

“I am not jealous! I know that Yumi is my loyal sex slave, and that’s all that matters!”

“It’s clear that Kanako and Touko aren’t going to be friends- both want to get Yumi into bed, after all.”

“Anyway, Yumi, are you going to have your way with her or not?”

“You know, our group does need more variety, so either you or Yoshino should bring in a new partner soon.”

“Anyway, you second years can go now- we seniors need to have a private session.”

“You know, you really have to do something about the Kanako situation- it’s the only piece of gossip we have at the moment.”

“If you aren’t going to sleep with her, you should break it off.”

“On the other hand, you shouldn’t reject her until you’re sure you don’t want her.”

“Whatever happens, don’t let her force you into bed.”

“Hello, I’m here for more screen time!”

“You are so last episode, Alice- get away from my Yumi!”

“Hey, Touko, are you free for some HARD YURI?”

“I’m trying to enjoy some Hyper Self Pleasure, thank you very much.”

“I think you’ll find it does- I am the main character, after all.”

“And when the main character asks you for HARD YURI, you shouldn’t reject her!”

“If you must know, I’m jealous of Kanako, and so I’m punishing you for it!”

“Did someone mention my name?”

“If Touko won’t give you HARD YURI, I’m willing to give you whatever sort you want.”

“I suggest one of these three methods.”

“You can have whatever sort of HARD YURI you want with me, free of charge.”

“It mocks the system if you just give me HARD YURI for free!”

“Whatever the case, I hope you’re not shy about doing it in public.”

“Forget Kanako, just have HARD YURI with me instead.”

“In fact, let’s go and use our bodies to bribe other girls into joining us for a group session.”

“Hey, you look like you could use some HARD YURI.”

“Yes- HARD YURI.”

“And in return for having HARD YURI with us, you have to make sure Yumi’s love life doesn’t make it into the papers.”

“But her love life is the most interesting thing in our lives at the moment! Speaking of which, have you slept with Kanako yet?”

“Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.”

“I already spoke to Kanako, and she says that it’s better to just worship Yumi from afar than actually jump into bed with her.”

“Sorry, Yumi, but even if you ask her for HARD YURI, she doesn’t want to go all the way with you.”

“Sachiko, there’s a chance we might have to have BI, so I’ll do it in your place!”

“Foolish Yumi, I would rather sleep with someone else myself than share you.”

“You are welcome to watch me if you wish, however.”

“Since you’re willing to do it, here is the list of lovers you must service.”

“I’m impressed, Yumi- I always thought you were the submissive one, but now I see who wears the trousers in your relationship.”

“I am most certainly not here for HARD YURI with you.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I have been taking kinky photos of you to show everyone at the school festival.”

“Don’t get mad at me, though- I’m not the only one stalking you.”

“I’ve never had a stalker before.”

“Hello, I’m here to satisfy my fangirls.”

“I hate to tell you this, but you have a stalker.”

“I bet something kinky is going down, so I’d like to watch.”

“Damn you- get away from my Yumi! And give me a proper face shot already- it’s not like the audience hasn’t figured out who I am!”

“I know it’s hard for both of us, but we must pretend to be STRAIGHT in order to see how the stalker will react.”

“I happened to watch one of the Hanadera HARD GAY sessions and as payment they told me to do this.”

“No one likes it when a graduate comes back to butt in on a school HARD GAY session.”

“They asked me to do it, so obviously they wanted my expertise.”

“I know we’re pretending to be STRAIGHT, but don’t get so close!”

“Yumi, you must not visit the boys’ school, for it will be full of men!”

“They will try to have hideous STRAIGHT with you!”

“Men are much more dangerous than lesbian stalkers!”

“If you hate men so much, why do you follow them around?”

“Don’t you dare question my twisted logic!”

“You do know it’s wrong to follow people around, right? That’s why I had my brother trail you.”

“I can’t believe you would trust your own family over someone you barely know!”

Yumi, bright and perceptive as ever.

“Lower than even amoebas!”

“I hate to break this to you, but you must have male relatives.”

“Nonsense! I was created by HARD YURI!”

“I just can’t understand anyone who wouldn’t automatically detest 50% of the population despite barely knowing most of them.”

“Yumi, you must never debase yourself by breathing the same air as those pigs.”

“I know I’m HARD YURI now, but what if I want to try BI or STRAIGHT when I’m older?”

No you’re not, you’re an anime character.

“Are you trying to admit that you aren’t HARD YURI at all?”

“Even if that is the case, you must not give up women now!”

“There are still many more girls who want to sleep with you!”

“Get away from Yumi- she’s mine.”

“And how dare you insult her by inferring that she is not attracted to women?”

Yuuki tries to be modest about the size of his Zhuge Liang even as he gives Yumi an approximation of its size.

He is the first to suggest that Lillian and Hanadera get together for a BI session.

“You can’t avoid BI forever.”

“But if you really don’t want to do it, I guess it’s okay for you to stay HARD YURI for a while longer.”

“Just call a spade a spade and stop denying your HARD YURI nature.”

Rei explains that she finds Yoshino’s jealousy stifling.

Yoshino cannot help it- she wants Rei all to herself.

Nonetheless, she tries to hide it by pretending she is doing Rei a favour by having a relationship with her.

Noriko admits that she is new to HARD YURI.

“So, there are lesbians here?”

“Didn’t you notice any HARD YURI vibes before?”

“So, BI is the next step.”

“Sachiko is the only obstacle in the way of our becoming BI.”

“I prefer a more open location for group BI.”

Shimako is looking forward to the promised BI.

Kashiwagi also proves to be up for some BI.

“Let’s have a taster session right now.”

“I’ll do anything, no matter how kinky it is.”

“You just want the conventional method? What a shame, I was looking forward to trying something more exotic.”

“You wouldn’t want them finding out you’d turned BI, would you?”

“One with a Zhuge Liang.”

“Although I might be up for some twincest with you.”

“What sort of girl do you like?”

“We’re ready to expand our horizons beyond HARD GAY.”

“She’s mine, I tell you!”

“We sometimes get hot after HARD YURI.”

“Sachiko, there is no escape- BI is the future.”

Sachiko praises Yumi’s HARD YURI.

“With Youko, I was always the student, but now I am the master.”

Sachiko comes up with an idea for a new bondage game.

Let’s take a short break for a nice cup of tea.

The afternoon HARD YURI session is cut short.

The men make their appearance.

The sight of all those Y chromosomes is too much for Sachiko.

The xxxHOLiC animators step in to make everyone disproportionately tall.

Even in group BI, Yumi wants to stick close to Sachiko.

“Help, men have Zhuge Liangs!”

Group BI commences.

The men’s side includes such fascinating personalities as this body-builder.

He even has a friend who wants BI with Rei, realising Yoshino’s worst fears.

How fascinating.

Sachiko is holding up well despite it being her first BI session.

The BI concludes smoothly.

Yes, that’s right, give a new minor character an abruptly thought up backstory.

Coming soon: a spin-off entitled Alice’s Adventures.

“Stay back, Alice, Sachiko is mine!”

“Sachiko, I’m proud of your BI mastery, even if it was with a man who wants to be a woman.”

“We can be friends as long as you remember that Sachiko is mine! Mine, I tell you!”

“You have opened my eyes to BI.”

Yumi asks Yuuki if he is planning to turn HARD GAY.

Really? You don’t say.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Yumi’s relationship with Sachiko is characterised by jealousy and paranoia.

Sachiko mistakes Yumi’s question as a desire for a threesome.

“You’re all I need.”

“You’re the only one I want HARD YURI with!”

Some may argue that adding captions is a case of gilding the lily.

There is disappointment for Yumi when she learns she won’t be sleeping with Onee-sama.

Poor Yumi, is her love really reciprocated?

Sachiko may only want her for kinky sex.

“Yumi, you can climb in with me once you take all your clothes off.”

Yumi is transfixed by the sight of her Onee-sama in bed.

No matter how much she gets, Yumi is always ready for more.

“It was wrong but it felt so right.”

Kashiwagi, there is no place for men in this series.

The evil lesbians arrive.

Touko explains that the evil lesbians are, in fact, evil.

Still, Yumi will endure anything to be by Sachiko’s side.

The angst phase of the story begins with an outburst of jealousy.

“…and after all, I am the main character, so why should anyone else get Onee-sama?”

“Watch out for the evil lesbians; I don’t know if you’ve heard, but they are evil.”

“Why does no one accept our love?”

“Although I am always scolding you, correcting you, misunderstanding your feelings and generally making you feel awkward, I hope you will still love me.”

“Even if you beat me and use me as a sex toy, I will always love you.”

Rei explains the dangers of group HARD YURI.

Touko is interested in Yumi’s preferences.

Poor Grandma, forced to become a static and unmoving character because of the actions of her family.

The evil lesbians are shocked when Yumi foils their plot.

“Damn, she beat us.”

Even Grandma’s heart is thawed by the power of Tohru Yumi.

“Ah, the good old days, when HARD YURI was simple and straightforward…”

“Your entire holiday has been dull and monotonous, so why don’t we do something interesting tomorrow?”

“No thanks, let’s just have another boring day at home.”

“As long as I can sleep with you, nothing else matters.”