Ryouun: Well, it looks like she isn’t dead- in fact, you could say this whole side story about her getting attacked was rather pointless.

Shiranui goes outside.

Shiranui: Why is my storyline given so little priority? Why wasn’t I the lead? More importantly, why is there a giant Lord’s Head in the sky?

Using the power of HARD GAY, Akidzuki penetrates the BI barrier protecting Final Boss Castle. From his boss chamber, Soutetsu watches.

Soutetsu: Excellent, the final level has begun! Now I will eradicate the last remnants of HARD GAY and usher in a BI future!

Akidzuki faces off against numerous generics.

(Akidzuki: I hope the old rules still apply to main characters, otherwise I won’t survive this.)

He starts giving them Sword.

Enomoto: Gwakaka, can you really oppose the will of BI with your puny HARD GAY?

Akidzuki defeats the generics, only to find himself thrust straight into a boss battle with Kakunojo.

(Akidzuki: Wait a moment, I didn’t even get the chance to save and heal.)

Akidzuki: You may be a woman, but I don’t have to hold back! If you want to be seduced by me so badly, then so be it!

Akidzuki starts giving Kakunojo Sword, skilfully stripping off her clothes layer by layer.

(Akidzuki: Hmm, I could get used to this.)

Kakunojo returns to normal.

Enomoto: No, don’t leave me! Feel the Pleasure of the Lord’s Head once more!

As Kakunojo becomes overwhelmed by the Lord’s Head, she seems about to give Akidzuki Sword.

Kakunojo: No! I don’t want this sort of raw, intense BI anymore!

At the last moment, Akidzuki uses Blade Grab to cancel Kakunojo’s attack. He sends his HARD GAY energy through her to purify the BI from both Kakunojo and Enomoto.

Enomoto: AAAGH! Why can’t I at least get a proper boss battle?

Enomoto collapses face first onto his desk and dies. The Lord’s Head leaves him.

Kakunojo: Akidzuki, I’ve learned my lesson- women were never meant to have Sword. Take mine, and use it to increase your attack stat for the final boss battle.

Soutetsu approaches the Lord’s Head.

Soutetsu: Everything I have done up to this point has essentially been meaningless, but now it is time to take on the Lord’s Head and become the final boss!

Soutetsu takes on the Lord’s Head, begging the question as to why he didn’t just do that in the first place, causing the BI level to rise. The old men who delivered the giant cups laugh.

Old Man #1: Gwakakaka, this is great! …Why are we here again?

Old Man #2: Who cares? Let’s usher in a new world order by randomly destroying parts of Japan!

BI lightning cuts across Japan, destroying random NPC houses.

Soutetsu: In the name of final bosses everywhere, I swear to get rid of this rotten world and replace it with a brand new one!

Akidzuki arrives.

Akidzuki: Soutetsu, I knew you were committed to BI, but this is ridiculous!

Soutetsu: Say that after you have tasted my blade.

Soutetsu draws his Sword and screws on a longer handle.

Soutetsu: I think you’ll find that mine’s bigger than yours.

Akidzuki: Maybe so, but I have two.

The two men go outside to a specially prepared final boss arena. AKidzuki tries to give Soutetsu Sword.

Soutetsu: Now, now, this won’t do- activate Convenient Switch #81!

Soutetsu depresses a switch that just happens to be by his feet, causing the boss arena to rise up.

Soutetsu: If you want to prove that HARD GAY is superior, try giving it to me now!

An intense Sword battle begins.

(Soutetsu: He’s not bad, although not as good as me, of course.)

(Akidzuki: My gaydar is registering off the charts! Time to bring out my second Sword!)

Akidzuki draws his other Sword and stabs Soutetsu, infecting him with HARD GAY energy and pushing out the Lord’s Head.

Akidzuki: Time to do what I couldn’t do in episode one! Double Sword Attack- seal Lord’s Head!

Akidzuki attacks the Lord’s Head with both swords.

(Lord’s Head: AAAGH, it’s episode twenty-six! I can’t make a convenient escape to come back later!)

The Lord’s Head disintegrates and Final Boss Castle starts falling back to the ground.

Soutetsu: Thank you, Akidzuki- you freed me from my uncontrollable desire for BI, and showed me that HARD GAY has worth after all. If only I could have been strong as Ryouma, who didn’t need the aphrodisiac powers of the head.

Soutetsu slips into Flashback Mode.

Ryouma: The Lord’s Head? I don’t need something like that to attain Pleasure.

Soutetsu: Are you saying that you and I can’t be BI lovers?

Ryouma: I’m afraid not, for whilst I have dabbled in BI, HARD GAY will always be my first love.

Soutetsu: Ah- that truly is a shame.

Ryouma: Ibaragi, you must be careful- if you don’t put your Zhuge Liang down once in a while, the effort of having so much BI will crush you.

Soutetsu: I’m sorry, but I need constant BI.

The Flashback Mode ends.

Soutetsu: Ryouma must have known the intense power of the Head, and how it could make BI so powerful and dangerous. And now that I have had just enough time to say my last words, I can die.

As Soutetsu dies, Final Boss Castle turns into butterflies for no logical or readily apparent reason.

Two months later, the survivors are all living happily. Having put aside his Swords, Akidzuki bids farewell to Kakunojo as he prepares to go to Europe.

Kakunojo: The troupe and I will be waiting for you to come back and have BI with us whenever you’re ready.

(Akidzuki: As if I’m going to come back to Japan for BI when I have European HARD GAY to sample!)

Kakunojo: Oh, by the way, it’s essentially irrelevant, but Yuuyama Kakunojo is only my stage name. My real name is-

The whistle of an approaching steamer interrupts her.

Akidzuki: Yeah, whatever- you can tell me next time I see you.

(Akidzuki: Like I care, although I suppose it gives the viewers something to think about.)

Akidzuki departs on his journey.

The end.

Kanna: I am finally free! Kakunojo has cleansed me of my hatred of BI and need for outdated HARD GAY, and so I am finally free to experience heights of Pleasure I never knew before!

(Akidzuki: You fool, your Gun will never be a match for my Sword!)

Their intense session continues, with both men wounding each other. They fall into the sea.

Meanwhile, Kakunojo continues to give group BI to the people of Ezo, whilst Enomoto uses Evil Stare to activate a powerful Cannon to kill the enemy.

Kakunojo: Individually, you all may have Ezos, but together we can create a BI strong enough to overwhelm our opposition!

Inside Final Boss Castle, Enomoto continues to stare, whilst Brunet talks to Soutetsu.

Brunet: I must say I’m not impressed, Soutetsu- this place is full of Ezos and I’ve barely had a line to say in weeks! As the scriptwriter, I expected more from you.

Soutetsu: I can’t help it if your character design is uninspiring and your BI is poor. You were only in this series to fulfil the requirements of history, anyway.

Brunet: That’s it! I’m out of here.

Brunet departs from the series and goes back to France with little fanfare; meanwhile, a surprisingly dry Kanna staggers back to bask in Kakunojo’s BI aura in his final moments.

(Kanna: Even though it always betrayed me, BI was secretly my true desire- I’m glad I got to have it in the end.)

Later, Ootori talks with Soutetsu.

Ootori: I understand that Katsu was one of your BI lovers, Soutetsu. I hope you’ve broken up with him by now, though, as he is too well endowed to be an ally of Ezo.

Soutetsu remains silent. Elsewhere, Shiranui and Kotoha walk home, only to be ambushed.

Generics: We hate named characters! Die!

Shiranui: Take this! Umbrella and Blowdart attack!

Generic: Aagh! How dare you use an umbrella on me?

Shiranui: Fine, then I’ll give you some Sword.

Shiranui kills the generics with Sword, but Kotoha has already been severely wounded.

Kotoha: Don’t blame Soutetsu for writing the script; he had to do what the studio wanted.

Shiranui: TAYUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lianged men of Japan take over most of Ezo’s territory, but the final boss castle remains firm, protected by magical red lightning attacks.

(Kuroda: Damn, it’s no good- only a main character can take this on.)

Soutetsu meets up with some old men.

Old Man: We have brought you the interior decorations you ordered in the Ikea sale- five giant cups.

Soutetsu: Thank you- they were too good a bargain to pass up.

The old men begin filling the cups with BI aura, causing the whole castle to glow with BI power.

Kuroda: Damn, I’ve had enough of waiting for the main character! Charge!

Kuroda’s men shoot at the castle, but are unable to penetrate the BI aura; in response, the castle sends out waves of intense Pleasure, incapacitating them. From further away, Akidzuki approaches the castle.

(Akidzuki: What is this Pleasure? My gaydar’s going off like crazy!)

(Kakunojo: I sense a HARD GAY disturbance close by.)

The Final Boss Castle sends out magical tornadoes and tsunamis to defeat the enemy. Only Akidzuki, with his main character immunity, is able to get close.

(Akidzuki: I have replenished my HP and used the last save point outside- now the time has come to challenge Final Boss Castle.)

Akidzuki runs towards Final Boss Castle as it begins to rise up. A giant Lord’s Head appears in the sky and laughs evilly.

To be continued…

(Hijikata: By placing a personals ad, I might actually find a man who is interested in good old HARD GAY.)

Hijikata: Hey, Tetsunosuke, wouldn’t you like your photo taken too?

Tetsunosuke: Sir, placing an ad is just too embarrassing.

Hijikata: Hmm, well I suppose you don’t need a new partner anyway, since you already have me.

Hijikata goes inside to see Akidzuki.

Hijikata: Sorry for the wait- is this room okay for HARD GAY?

Akidzuki: Of course it is- I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to have HARD GAY with me.

Hijikata: It’s for my benefit as well, seeing as everyone else around here has so readily adopted BI. I just hope Soutetsu and the others don’t find out about this.

AKidzuki and Hijikata have some HARD GAY before settling down to dinner.

Hijikata: Akidzuki, I realise that this might seem rather sudden, but I was wondering if you and I could become regular partners. I don’t want to force you into a relationship, but to be honest, I can’t see that you have much choice in the matter.

Meanwhile, various generic soldiers continue to give each other Gun and Cannon. Being so small, the Ezo men are soon overwhelmed.

Hijikata: Generics with Ezos may not be able to stand up to enemy, but just wait until they taste my mighty Sword!

Hijikata charges into the enemy to give them Sword, and is rewarded with a custom white HORSE for his efforts.

Whilst Spirit of BI Kakunojo rouses the Ezo men, the troupe looks on.

Zagashira: I can’t help feeling our part in the plot is over, but even so, I cannot give up any small chance at screen time that I might have.

Elsewhere, three merchants show up to service Soutetsu, Enomoto and Ootori (Historical Figure #1).

Ootori: Thank you for coming- although I must say that your BI is a bit too slow for my liking.

Merchant: I think you’ll find that our timing was well within regulations- we do this for a living, after all. Nonetheless, if you are dissatisfied with our performance, you need not pay this time.

Ootori: Pay? How dare you treat the sacred act of Pleasure like a mere business transaction?

Later, Ootori meets with some underlings.

Ootori: We must make a point by destroying those who would dare charge for Pleasure?

Underling: Aren’t we just doing this because we’re too poor to pay for Pleasure?

Ootori: Shut up!

Underling: But what will Enomoto say about this?

Ootori: Bah, Enomoto never says anything- he just stares.

Enomoto uses Long Distance Evil Stare to infect Ootori and his men with desire. They duly go out and have fatal BI with the merchants.

Merchant: Wait, we’ll do anything you say- for free!

Underling: It’s too late! Kill them all, even the women and children- this is BI, after all!

As the merchants are slaughtered, one underling goes to give fatal Sword to a little girl, but Akidzuki magically shows up to stop him.

(Akidzuki: This type of BI is sick- time to show them some real HARD GAY.)

Zagashira and the troupe also show up, causing the underlings to run away.

(Underlings: We must get far away before they start putting on a play!)

Zagashira: Akidzuki, what are you doing in the middle of BI?

Akidzuki: No time for explanations. Here, take care of this girl I randomly rescued- I can’t be seen with women.

The next day, the surviving merchants are bound and paraded through the city whilst Ootori has HORSE.

Ootori: These men actually tried to charge for Pleasure, when here in the Ezo Republic it should be given freely to anyone who wants it!

The crowd cheers, until Hijikata arrives to disrupt the proceedings.

Hijikata: You sicken me- too cheap to even pay for BI.

Ootori: Shut up, or face the wrath of my new Evil Stare!

(Hijikata: That’s it- I’ve had it with this republic and its BI Ezos!)

Hijikata rides off to confront Enomoto.

Hijikata: Lord’s Head, reveal yourself and let me defeat you!

The Lord’s Head rises up out of Enomoto.

Lord’s Head: You fool- not only are you not the main character, but this is only episode twenty-four! How can you possibly think I could be defeated at this early stage?

Hijikata: Do you mean to say that even my Sword with its ridiculously long name won’t be enough?

Soutetsu arrives.

Soutetsu: What are you doing here? How dare you interfere with my carefully written plot?

Hijikata: You call that carefully written?

Soutetsu: That’s it- you can forget about getting any BI from me!

Hijikata goes to give Soutetsu Sword anyway, but Enomoto uses Evil Stare.

Enomoto: Get out, Hijikata- you will never again have Pleasure with us.

Hijikata leaves, and meets with Tetsunosuke.

Hijikata: There’s no point denying it any longer- I’ve had enough of trying to be BI. Contact my brother and Katsu, and ask them if they’re interested in HARD GAY with me.

Testunosuke: Sir, I could also give you-

Hijikata: Sorry, but you were just a desperation partner- I need a real man now.

Tetsunosuke cries.

A month passes, and the generic soldiers continue to give each other Cannon.

Soutetsu: We are almost to the end of episode twenty-four, and that means it is time for the final boss mission.

Bathed in BI aura, Enomoto and Kakunojo stand at the top of a tower.

Enomoto: Switch on! Create Final Boss Castle!

Inexplicably, Goryoukaku turns into a massive final boss castle.

On the battlefield, Hijikata encounters a Dynasty Warriors style gate, and gives vicious and fatal HARD GAY to all the warriors that emerge.

(Hijikata: Fools, you are merely nameless generics- no match for my named character power!)

Hijikata proceeds, only to encounter Kanna.

Hijikata: Kanna, once you and I both desired pure HARD GAY- what happened?

Kanna: BI is my destiny now.

Hijikata and Kanna start having Pleasure, but Kanna manages to fatally wound Hijikata.

Hijikata: Damn…I know the history books said this was my time to die, but why couldn’t I have been the main character?

Hijikata dies just as Akidzuki arrives on the scene.

Akidzuki: Why did you have to kill my only HARD GAY partner, Kanna? Now I will have to relieve my desires with you.

Kanna: Be my guest- be it HARD GAY or BI, I always look forward to Pleasure with you.

The two men prepare to have Pleasure.

To be continued…

Parkes: Your BI is awful- simply awful! And as for you, Kanna- I should have never let you handle my Liang! I’m thoroughly disappointed in all of you!

On deck, Kanna contemplates his watch, whilst Queen gets drunk.

(Kanna: How dare Parkes say such things about me? My Liang is far more Zhuge than his!)

(Queen: To lose my brother was one thing, but to have my BI insulted like this is awful!)

Kanna: Queen, I’m sorry. Maybe if I had been less reluctant to join in the BI, this wouldn’t have happened.

Queen: The only lover I ever wanted was Rook. We spent so many years perfecting our twincest, and now he is gone!

Kanna: You may think you have problems, but I have a tragic back story too! All my life, women have betrayed me- even the Queen herself has abandoned me now. Is it any wonder that I cannot trust BI?

Queen: Then let me show you how good BI can be.

Queen and Kanna give in to their desires, and have BI. The next day, they are re-energised, and so Kanna has Hyper Self Pleasure and Queen tries CRATE.

(Queen: I thought my sex drive died with Rook, but now I can’t get enough of it!)

On deck, Bishop and Knight also try Hyper Self Pleasure.

Knight: I guess this is all we have left now- certainly it won’t be easy to find any new partners.

Bishop: I’m ready to combine our skills for a closed BI session.

Kanna: I too have recently discovered the joys of BI- let’s go and show Enomoto just how skilled at Pleasure we really are.

In town, Akidzuki overhears generics talking about the quality of Enomoto’s BI.

Generic: I don’t care what they say- Enomoto’s Ezo and Kakunojo’s Sword are all you need for the ultimate BI!

(Akidzuki: What’s happening? Is there no one left who appreciates HARD GAY with a decent Liang?)

Two generic soldiers walk past.

Generic: Hey, I picked up this personal ad- it seems some guy called Akidzuki is looking for a partner.

Generic #2: Everyone wants a partner these days- it’s so exhausting.

Outside the city, Akidzuki finds himself consumed by HARD GAY aura.

(Akidzuki: I must find a partner now!)

Meanwhile, Soutetsu and Enomoto are having a meeting when Hijikata arrives.

Hijikata: Soutetsu, let’s not beat around the bush anymore. I want you, and I’m sick of the fact that you never show your Liang to me.

Enomoto: Perhaps the time has come to show it to you, then.

Soutetsu: Indeed, although I prefer not to do it here. Let’s go to my special bedchamber.

Soutetsu pulls back the rug and opens a hidden trapdoor. The three men go downstairs.

(Hijikata: This is it! The Pleasure I have been waiting for!)

They reach an underground chamber, with a raised platform.

Hijikata: What is this?

Soutetsu: Our bed, of course.

Hijikata: Will Enomoto be joining us, or is he just going to stare like he always does?

Enomoto becomes infused with the power of the Lord’s Head.

Enomoto: Are you saying that I’m afraid to get my Ezo out?

Soutetsu: Enomoto may only have an Ezo, but he also possesses the Lord’s Head- a powerful aphrodisiac. I can assure you that his Pleasure will be almost as good as my own. Now come, let us begin the session.

Hijikata: Ridiculous! Aphrodisiacs are no match for a decent-sized Liang! I’m not going to have BI with a small man!

Enomoto: We shall have BI!

Soutetsu rips the bed cover off.

Enomoto: Now everyone, get in!

When Hijikata still doesn’t move, Enomoto pushes the bed into the floor.

Hijikata: This is…

Soutetsu: That’s right- now the whole chamber is our bed!

Suddenly, Queen appears to give the men arrow.

Queen: You can’t call it BI unless there’s a woman involved!

Hijikata: Stay out of this! I’m trying to seduce Soutetsu!

Soutetsu: I will only consider you worthy if you first demonstrate your skill against this woman.

(Hijikata: Damn him- now I have no choice but to have BI with her.)

Hijikata gets his Sword out, only for Bishop to appear and give him Grenade, followed by Knight.

Knight: My Sword has been released from its duty- now I can sleep with whoever I want!

(Hijikata: Oh well, at least he’s a man- and he has two Swords!)

Hijikata and Knight begin having Sword. Their HARD GAY is so intense that the screen flashes red, breaking Knight’s Sword and taking his life.

(Hijikata: Damn, he wasn’t ready for the intensity of my desires.)

Soutetsu: Well done- you might be worthy of my bed after all.

Meanwhile, Bishop tries to have Grenade with Soutetsu.

Soutetsu: I am not interested in such inelegant Pleasure.

Soutetsu dodges and gives Bishop Sword from behind.

Soutetsu: Convenient Switch #1, on!

Soutetsu treads on a switch, causing the bed to rise up into the sky, with Bishop on top.

Soutetsu: Stay there, boy, and I’ll teach you a thing or two about real Pleasure!

Bishop: No way, you sadist!

Bishop jumps off.

Soutetsu: Did someone mention sadism? Convenient Switch #2, on!

A chain appears from nowhere and loops around Bishop’s neck, strangling him as he falls. He gets a Dagger out.

Soutetsu: My, my, what an unimpressive Dagger- I think our little session will have to come to an end. Convenient Switch #3, on!

The chain is pulled back up to wherever it came from, taking Bishop with it.

Whilst Enomoto continues to stare, Kanna confronts him.

Kanna: This is it, Enomoto! I’ve recently mastered BI, and I’ve come to show you how good my Pleasure can be!

Enomoto: Really? You’re welcome to take me- if you can.

Kanna tries to give Enomoto Pistol, but Enomoto’s BI aura deflects it into the wall.

Enomoto: Hmm, it seems you are too weak to penetrate me. How disappointing.

Kanna continues to try Pistol, but it keeps being deflected. Next, Queen tries Crossbow.

Queen: My years of BI experience must count for something!

Sadly, her Crossbow is also destined to miss.

Hijikata: Kanna’s over there! I must taste his Pistol for myself.

Soutetsu: Stay here with me and watch Enomoto’s mastery of advanced BI techniques- you might even learn something.

Enomoto: Flash Steps!

Enomoto continues to dodge Queen’s Crossbow whilst approaching Kanna.

Enomoto: That woman is going to dump you, you know. Be it HARD GAY or BI, you’ve always had poor choice in partners.

Queen’s Crossbow breaks, and she runs away.

Enomoto: You see? She doesn’t want you- she doesn’t think you’re good enough! Why don’t you show her just how good your BI really is?

Kanna: Yes…I must…

Hypnotised by Enomoto’s word, Kanna gives Queen fatal Pistol before coming to his senses.

Kanna: What have I done? I killed a meganekko!

(Hijikata: Look at him getting so emotional over a woman.)

Enomoto: Activate previously nonexistent elevator!

Enomoto flips a switch, and the floor under the survivors’ feet rises up, taking them to ground level. Kakunojo, still dressed as the Spirit of BI, approaches Kanna.

Kakunojo: Kanna, you have had some bad experiences with BI, but I can show you how wonderful it can be. Look, I even have a Sword.

Kanna: Mistress, I’ll do anything you say!

(Hijikata: What is this? Even Kanna has wholeheartedly turned BI!)

Enomoto gives Hijikata an Evil Stare.

(Enomoto: You cannot escape BI now, Hijikata, and as soon as night falls, I plan to give you a good taste of my Ezo!)

Later, Hijikata approaches Akidzuki.

Hijikata: Akidzuki, it may be too late for HARD GAY- BI has become too powerful.

(Akidzuki: I will never accept that!)

To be continued…

Hijikata: Akidzuki, I must thank you for giving me some good old HARD GAY, but I’m not sure if bringing you here was the right idea. This is a land of BI and Ezos, neither of which are to your tastes.

Akidzuki: Don’t worry about me- there’s always Hyper Self Pleasure to fall back on. Just promise me that you won’t try to make me have BI with you.

Akidzuki leaves, and walks through the streets of Ezo men trying to pick up women for BI, until he finally finds solitude in the hills. A blizzard blows around him

(Akidzuki: This cold blizzard will help me put my desires to one side for a while.)

At the hospital, Tetsunosuke and Kakunojo have quick BI. Tetsunosuke stares at his hands afterwards, just as Ryouun enters.

Ryouun: What’s this? Have you finally discovered the joys of BI?

Tetsunosuke: O-of course not! Men are all I need.

Meanwhile, Shiranui is working at a BI café.

Shiranui: So, what can I get you ladies?

Woman: I’ll take whatever you recommend, handsome.

Woman #2: Hey, I asked him for BI first!

Woman: Wait your turn- I asked first!

Shiranui: Now, now, ladies- save your energy for the bedroom.

Kotoha enters.

Shiranui: Tayu! I, er, totally wasn’t cheating on you with these other women.

Kotoha: Nonsense- it’s good to see you polishing your BI techniques with new partners.

Woman: She’s so attractive- maybe we should ask her for HARD YURI instead.

Shiranui: I’ll never understand women.

Boss: Trust me, boy, you should just stick with men.

(Shiranui: Oh well, at least I have the upcoming group BI with the troupe to look forward to.)

Whilst the rest of the troupe starts setting up the location for the group BI, Ezo comes under attack from enemy soldiers.

Enemy Generic: Such small men cannot be allowed to live and dilute the gene pool!

Whilst the enemy soldiers commence Gun and Sword with Ezo generics, the Historical Figures hold a meeting.

Historical Figure: I thought the cold weather would put off our better endowed enemies from trying HARD GAY with us. Some of them are so large that it could be quite distressing if they took us from the rear.

Enomoto: We came here so that our Ezos would not be laughed at! I won’t tolerate men with proper Liangs making fun of us- I must destroy them all!

Hijikata: I’ll go too.

(Hijikata: This could be my chance to get proper HARD GAY with the enemy Liangs- I’m sick of all this Ezo BI!)

Whilst Enomoto, Hijikata and their soldiers ride out, Soutetsu has quick HORSE before visiting Kakunojo.

Soutetsu: Kakunojo, it is time for you to play an important role in the plot. Here is what you must do.

Meanwhile, Akidzuki’s gaydar is triggered.

(Akidzuki: HARD GAY in a land of BI Ezos? I can’t afford to pass this up!)

As the generic soldiers continue fighting, Hijikata and Enomoto show up.

Generic: This is the chance of a lifetime! We can have HARD GAY with Hijikata and Enomoto!

As the HARD GAY becomes more intense, Akidzuki runs towards it, his Sword drawn. When he arrives, Enomoto uses Evil Stare on him.

Akidzuki: Your glare won’t work on me! I’m desperate for some good HARD GAY!

Akidzuki rushes in to give Enomoto Sword, but Kakunojo arrives to block him with her sword. The two collide in a burst of Pleasure aura that knocks away many generics.

(Kakunojo: BI is your future, Akidzuki!)

Enomoto: Gwakakakaka! Gwakakakaka! Gwakakakaka! Gwakakakaka! BI will always surpass HARD GAY!

(Hijikata: Is a BI-soaked world really what I want?)

(AKidzuki: I can’t stand to be near this much BI.)

As Akidzuki runs off, Enomoto introduces himself to Kakunojo.

Enomoto: Welcome to the team, Kakunojo- with you on our side, we can have great BI.

Soutetsu: Helping us create a new world of BI is your destiny. You must even convince Akidzuki himself that BI is the true path.

That evening, Enomoto practises staring at the sun until nightfall.

Enomoto: The time for BI is now!

Everyone cheers. Meanwhile, Kakunojo, now dressed as the Spirit of BI, addresses a crowd.

Kakunojo: The time for BI is now!

(Enomoto: Now, which lover should I choose tonight?)

Enomoto: The rulers of old chose HARD GAY as their preference, never realising that the people longed for BI! We were laughed at for our Ezos, ridiculed for wanting BI, but no longer! Now we will fashion our own types of Pleasure!

Kakunojo: For the sake of this country, let us all have BI!

Whilst a BI orgy begins, Akidzuki is alone, having Hyper Self Pleasure.

(Akidzuki: I may have tried it once or twice, but that was a mistake! I will never, ever accept BI!)

To be continued…

Shiranui: There are so many men with Ezos around here- no wonder Tayu has been keeping Soutetsu to herself.

Zagashira: I hate to say this, but we may have to accept that we are no longer relevant to the plot.

(Kakashi: No way! When’s my arc, then?)

Kobako and Benimaru show Kakashi what they have picked up.

Kakashi: These are rifle bullets- someone had either HARD GAY or BI around here.

Shiranui throws the bullets into the sea.

Shiranui: Damn them! How dare they leave behind evidence to make me feel worse about not getting any?

Benimaru: What are you doing? Those were the only toys we’ve had to play with all series!

Shiranui: Sorry, but Rifle isn’t for kids.

Meanwhile, Ryosuke Kuroda meets Ikunosuke Arai. Don’t worry if you haven’t heard of them before, this episode is all about introducing previously unmentioned historical figures.

Kuroda: Ah, I’ll never forget that time we had Gatling Gun- no wonder a lusty man like you isn’t satisfied with the Ezos in your republic.

Arai: Quite- now let’s get down to some proper HARD GAY.

Kuroda: Don’t be so hasty- good HARD GAY can’t be rushed. And I truly am a master of HARD GAY, so much so that every man in the Ezo Republic must surely desire me.

Arai: Every man?

Kuroda: Don’t worry, though, I have a special gift for you- the first go with it.

Kuroda gets out his Liang.

Arai: Wow- that really is amazing!

Kuroda: You can’t deny that you want me now.

Elsewhere, Shouten visits Katsu and Saigou, now a happy HARD GAY couple.

Shouten: I’m pleased to see that the two of you got together, but as with any relationship, it hasn’t been all smooth sailing.

Katsu: We’ve been working together to make our HARD GAY more Pleasurable and less painful, but we can’t deny the truth- both of us are getting too old to master the best techniques.

Shouten: Are you saying that I’m old too? In that case, I’ll have to ask you for HARD GAY in order to prove that I still have the magic.

Katsu and Saigou exchange pained glances.

(Katsu: Do we really have to service this old man?)

Katsu: Sorry, but I no longer have the strength to service you in the manner you have become accustomed to. Perhaps Saigou can do it.

(Saigou: Thanks a bunch, Katsu.)

Saigou: Very well.

At the hospital, Kakunojo bounces a ball and sings to some children.

(Children: Wow, this is the most entertaining thing we’ve had around here in years.)

Meanwhile, Akidzuki wanders around, trying to find his way back to the plot. He eventually meets up with Kuroda, who is having Rifle with the wall.

(AKidzuki: At long last, a man of HARD GAY!)

Kuroda: Welcome, Akidzuki- I’d like to invite you to have HARD GAY with me on the Stonewall tomorrow. First, though, I’d like to see how your Sword matches up to my Rifle.

Kuroda demonstrates his skill by having JUG.

Kuroda: Some say I’m mad for freely having JUG, but it’s all in the name of entertainment.

At a meeting of historical figures, Hijikata, Soutetsu, Arai and various generic looking named men discuss Kuroda’s plan to offer his Pleasure to the Republic.

(Hijikata: I am far above these other historical figures- I have fangirls!)

Historical Figure #1: Kuroda is offering himself to the Ezo Republic- given the level of his Pleasure, we cannot afford to pass up this opportunity.

Historical Figure #2: We should be careful, though- after all, he is well endowed and more into HARD GAY than BI.

Arai: Trust me, his Liang is worth it. We can iron out the details later.

Soutetsu: I understand that you are all eager to enjoy Pleasure with such a man, but don’t you think it all sounds too good to be true?

Hijikata: I think you should leave this matter to me.

(Hijikata: If this man has a Zhuge Liang and is into HARD GAY, I must meet with him! The BI in this republic of Ezos has been really disappointing.)

As we slowly get back round to the beginning, a mysteriously double-chinned Hijikata and other Ezo officials sail out to meet Kuroda, Akidzuki and the Stonewall.

Generic: The Ezo men have only sent two ships!

Kuroda: They promised three- two ships’ worth of men isn’t enough to satisfy me!

Hijikata and Kuroda meet and have introductory HARD GAY.

Kuroda: Thank you for coming all this way.

Hijikata: My people are prepared to have Pleasure with all of your men.

Kuroda: I must thank you, of course, but why did you only bring two ships? I need more men than that.

Hijikata: Trust me, my men are highly skilled- we will be sufficient to satisfy or even exhaust you.

Kuroda: I have the highest confidence in your Pleasure, Hijikata- but can you really service all the men I brought along?

Kuroda fires a flare and his allies emerge from hiding.

Hijikata: Damn you- I’m not prepared to service that many!

Hijikata and Kuroda begin having Sword. The generics join in with Sword, Rifle and Gatling Gun, but sadly the Ezo men are too small to keep up, and are soon fatally exhausted.

Hijikata: You guys, I know you’re unmoving and covered in blood, but are you okay?

Ezo Generic: Hijikata, we must retreat! We’re too small to endure this kind of session.

Kuroda: Don’t let him retreat! Give him as much Gatling Gun as possible!

Kuroda’s men try to give Hijikata fatal HARD GAY, but Akidzuki intervenes.

Akidzuki: Don’t kill him- he’s too important to the plot!

Kuroda prepares to give Akidzuki fatal Gun, before realising that he cannot kill the main character.

Kuroda: Damn rules of narrative!

An intense SHIP session occurs, whilst Hijikata and Akidzuki safely get away. On their ship, Historical Figure #1 tries to have fatal Self Pleasure, but Hijikata stops him.

Hijikata: This is not the time or place for Hyper Self Pleasure.

They continue on to the Republic, where Akidzuki lays his eyes on his first Ezo.

To be continued…

(Enomoto: Not yet, Hijikata- save your Pleasure for me.)

In a small fishing village, Akidzuki is taken in by the family of the DOG.

Meg: Mum! A main character has washed up on our doorstep- that means we’re going to get screen time!

(Akidzuki: What’s happened? Why am I here with these minor characters?)

Mother: I’m used to having CORPSE with the bodies that wash up here, but I never thought I’d get a living lover.

(Akidzuki: This is like a living hell; first I was stabbed by a co-star, and now I’ve been stranded what feels like a million miles from the plot.)

Mother: I haven’t had living Pleasure in ages; Meg’s father went off to war to have HARD GAY in the army, leaving us all alone.

In the blizzard, Enomoto continues trying out Evil Stares, whilst Hijikata is still with his group of lovers.

Hijikata: It’s going to be impossible to have Cannon in this weather.

Enomoto: The time for BI is now! Prepare to fire!

The light of God shines out from the clouds and a Cannon session begins.

Generic: Enomoto truly is a master of BI- see how accurate his aim is, even under these conditions.

Hijikata: Everyone, charge! We must get some action!

At the hospital, Ryouun finally gets BI with a patient.

Patient: This hurts- you could be a bit gentler, you know.

Ryouun: Just be thankful for that mixture of Pleasure and pain.

Outside the room, two men have got their Swords out for HARD GAY.

Woman: Please stop! This is a place of BI!

Ryouun: What are you doing? Put your Swords away at once!

Man: Why should I? I’ve gone a whole day without HARD GAY!

The two men prepare to give each other Sword, but Kakunojo intervenes.

Kakunojo: If you’re that desperate for Pleasure, then go for BI like the rest of us!

The men put their Swords away.

Meanwhile, Akidzuki is with Mother, staring at his Sword.

(Akidzuki: I haven’t had proper Pleasure since that BI incident…can I really give this woman what she wants?)

Mother: Why? Why is it that men desire HARD GAY so much that they abandon BI?

Akidzuki: It’s complicated.

Mother: I always hated HARD GAY, but in the end I guess there’s no point in that- HARD GAY and BI should live together.

Akidzuki goes to sleep and falls into a budget-saving Flashback Mode. The next morning he hears the DOG barking and goes outside.

(Akidzuki: Are they expecting me to service the DOG? Why can’t the kid do it?)

Akidzuki sees Meg’s shoe and realises she has fallen into the sea.

(Akidzuki: Oh well.)

Mother arrives.

(Akidzuki: Damn, now I have to act heroic.)

Akidzuki: Your daughter fell into the sea! I must save her!

Mother: Don’t be silly- a main character can’t risk his life for a one-shot character! I’ll save her!

(Akidzuki: I was hoping she’d say that.)

Meanwhile, Hijikata and his men engage in intense Sword and Cannon.

Hijikata: Rifle Squad, ready!

The riflemen fire at the enemy, but the wooden gates close in front of them.

Hijikata: Damn WOOD! Take that gate and make it feel some pain!

The gates periodically open to let the enemy give Cannon before closing again.

(Hijikata: This is like Hu Lao Gate, only worse!)

Soldier: Hijikata, this gate is impossible to clear! Let’s try an easier level.

Hijikata: No- it’s personal now.

Enomoto: Cannon ex machine! Fire!

Enomoto’s Cannon easily blows away the gate and the intense BI resumes. Ezo stares at the battle from his ship.

Enomoto: Now the time has come for me to declare the truth- I have an Ezo!

The men are so drunk on Pleasure that they cheer. Meanwhile, Mother has just rescued Meg.

(Akidzuki: Does anyone really care about this one-off storyline about insignificant characters?)

Mother: I have such a tragic back story, you know- both my father and brother died when I was young. I’ve longed for a man for so long.

(Mother: He doesn’t seem to be getting the hint that he should give me BI.)

(Akidzuki: I have not fallen so far that I would give this woman BI.)

Akidzuki: Why do you stay here in obscurity instead of going to find a man, then?

Mother: Oh, I never thought of that.

Later, Akidzuki goes outside to take his customary place at the edge of a cliff.

(Akidzuki: BI may have hurt me, but I must not fear Pleasure.)

Akidzuki starts having Hyper Self Pleasure. The next day, he is ready to leave.

Akidzuki: Well, it seems the writers are ready to get on with the main plot, so I should be going.

Before he leaves, Mother’s husband returns.

Mother: At last- a man! No more DOG and CORPSE for me!

Akidzuki leaves.

(Akidzuki: I can’t believe we wasted a whole episode on this crap.)

Meanwhile, the Ezo Republic is born, a land where men with Ezos can live freely and without embarrassment, as Enomoto wanted.

(Soutetsu: The Ezo Republic is not for me- I am too well endowed).

To be continued…

(Kakunojo: Help, I can’t stand being stuck in flashbacks!)

Enomoto’s ship is about to reach the land of Ezo. The generics cheer.

Generics: At last we don’t have to hide our Ezos!

Several minutes of narration sees Enomoto and his people establish their base at Goryoukaku as part of the plan to create a land where men with Ezos need not be ashamed.

Whilst Kakunojo sits indoors, outside historical figure Shimura Tetsunosuke is having Hammer with some WOOD. Doctor Takamatsu Ryouun watches.

(Ryouun: I like the look of his Hammer- I must ask him for HARD GAY later.)

Later, Tetsunosuke visits Hijikata, who is polishing his Sword.

Tetsunosuke: Sir, I have to admit that I don’t really understand BI- why should I care for a woman?

Hijikata: If you don’t want BI, I’ll find a servant who does- and he will be the one to get nightly sword from me.

Tetsunosuke: Why must you be so preoccupied with BI? I thought you preferred traditional HARD GAY!

Hijikata: Do not question me, boy.

(Hijikata: Of course I have misgivings, but this is the only way I can be with Soutetsu.)

Tetsunosuke is reluctantly sent to get some BI experience with Kakunojo.

(Tetsunosuke: Pleasure with a woman- whose idea was this?)

He spots her Sword in the corner.

(Tetsunosuke: Women have Swords? At least this gives us something to talk about.)

Tetsunosuke: Is that your Sword over there?

Kakunojo starts crying.

(Tetsunosuke: See, this is why I hate dealing with women.)

Outside, Doctor Ryouun is desperately trying to solicit BI from generics.

Ryouun: Please give me a BI! I’m a doctor who knows many techniques! Please!

Elsewhere, Shiranui is looking for Kotoha.

Shiranui: Has anyone seen this woman? She has a slightly less generic design than the lot of you. If I can find her, we might be able to get our storyline, not to mention our first screen time in ages.

Later, Kakunojo goes out and stands on the edge of a cliff, holding her Sword.

(Kakunojo: Was I wrong to try Sword?)

Soutetsu appears out of nowhere.

Soutetsu: What’s wrong, Chief, did you have some bad Sword? Even so, you cannot escape the lure of BI- it is your destiny.

Kakunojo: But I…with this Sword…my BI killed Akidzuki!

Soutetsu: Do you honestly believe he’s dead? He’s the main character, so of course he hasn’t died from something as trivial as a deep stab wound followed by near-drowning in the ocean.

Kakunojo: He’s alive? How do you even know that?

Soutetsu: I am the scriptwriter, after all- which reminds me, I’d better get back and start writing episode twenty.

Soutetsu walks away.

(Soutetsu: I cannot let Akidzuki die until I have slept with him at least once.)

Tetsunosuke arrives, and mistakenly believes that Kakunojo is trying to have Hyper Self Pleasure.

Tetsunosuke: Stop! You’re supposed to be helping me with BI, not wasting it all on Hyper Self Pleasure!

Kakunojo: I’m sorry, but I have my heart set on BI with Akidzuki.

Meanwhile, the rest of the troupe has journeyed north.

Zagashira: It’s cold here, especially as none of us dressed for the occasion, but this expedition is vital if we ever wish to have screen time again.

(Kakashi: I know- I’m still waiting for my development arc.)

The troupe goes to the Plot Development area, where they conveniently bump into Soutetsu.

Soutetsu: Thank you for coming all this way- it’s good to know we can all have BI again.

Zagashira: I’m glad to hear you say that- I always assumed that once you had had your fill of us, you would move onto other lovers.

Soutetsu: My appetite is such that I can accommodate infinite lovers- and besides, most of the men here have Ezos.

At the hospital, Ryouun is still trying to coax BI out of the patients when several Sword wielding generics arrive.

Generics: We’re sick of all this BI! Give us good old HARD GAY!

Doctor: This is an equal opportunities hospital, and that means BI only!

Just as the generics are about to give him Sword, Tetsunosuke arrives back from a HORSE session.

Tetsunosuke: Oh by the way, Hijikata and Enomoto have cancelled their BI appointment with you, Doctor.

Generic: What!? I was planning on accosting Hijikata for HARD GAY today! I guess we’ll have to take you instead!

One of the generics starts having HARD GAY with Tetsunosuke.

Generic #2: Seriously, guys, what should we do now? It looks like we’re not even going to have a plot role.

Meanwhile, Soutetsu, Hijikata, Brunet, Enomoto and others are having a meeting.

Brunet: It seems our BI messenger was killed by Sword- a clear indication that certain factions are unwilling to accept HARD GAY.

Hijikata: I told you this would happen! Not everyone is willing to accept BI in place of the HARD GAY they know and love.

Enomoto: Gwakaka, my Ezo will show them what they are missing.

Back at the hospital, the generics continue to have HARD GAY Tetsunosuke, until Kakunojo arrives to give them Sword.

Kakunojo: Cease this hideous HARD GAY at once and taste righteous BI!

Shiranui arrives to give the generics Blowdart.

Shiranui: BI is the future!

Zagashira and the others also show up.

Zagashira: How deplorable of you to have screen time without us!

The hospital patients unite to help drive off the generics.

Ryouun: All these named characters together- we’re all bound to get screen time!

Ryouun laughs.

Meanwhile, Enomoto practises his Evil Stare, whilst on a distant shore, Akidzuki’s unconscious body is having DOG.

To be continued…

Generic: It’s Enomoto! He must be planning some special BI!

Samurai Generic: Hmm, let’s not judge his prowess in the bedroom until we see his Liang.

Samurai Generic #2: Yeah, all the rumours say it’s just a Ezo.

Enomoto targets the two samurai with his special move- Evil Stare.

Samurai Generics: Uh, we mean, hooray for BI with Enomoto!

(Enomoto: Those two shall never learn my enhanced BI techniques.)

The chess piece team arrives and gives the sailors a taste of Grenade.

Hijikata: What’s going on- I’ve never seen that sort of BI before.

Soutetsu: Do not concern yourself with the chess piece team- their BI is weak and ineffectual compared to what I can show you.

The chess piece team administers Blade to Enomoto’s underlings, before confronting him. Enomoto counters with Evil Stare.

(Queen: Damn, under the strength of this attack I can barely move!)

Rook: What are we all standing around for? It’s time to show Enomoto just who’s the master of BI around here!

Rook tries to give Enomoto Knife, but when Enomoto turns up the intensity of Evil Stare, he is unable to complete his attack.

(Enomoto: Foolish boy- now I will show you the proper way to give Blade!)

Enomoto tries to give Sword to Rook, but Kanna shows up in one of those convenient boats and interrupts the session with Gun.

(Kanna: BI disgusts me- I must eradicate it.)

The chess piece team takes the opportunity to dive into the water. Kanna and Enomoto’s generics trade Gun.

Enomoto: Cease fire! I refuse to watch you having HARD GAY with that man! Now, Kanna, taste the full force of my Evil Stare!

(Kanna: My god, it truly is evil! I feel like he’s raping me with his eyes!)

(Enomoto: Nothing- not Sword, Spear or even Gun- is a match for my Evil Stare!)

Kanna lowers his Gun, and the team rows away.

Back in his room, Soutetsu watches the end of the BI. Hijikata has left, but he has signed his name on the BI contract.

(Soutetsu: Excellent- another lover for my harem.)

Later, Hijikata visits Enomoto and Soutetsu on the ship.

Enomoto: Ah, Hijikata, I’ve been waiting for you. Feel free to make yourself comfortable- my bed is your bed, as they say.

(Hijikata: I’m still not comfortable about BI, but it seems to be the way of the new world.)

Soutetsu: I hope you will find Enomoto to your liking.

Hijikata: I’m not so sure about him- the rumours say he has merely an Ezo.

Inside the temple, Akidzuki spars with a candle.

(Akidzuki: Okay, candle, this is it- you and your kind have mocked me for long enough!)

Kakunojo enters.

Kakunojo: Akidzuki, I’m still set on having BI with you.

Akidzuki: Show me your Sword.

Kakunojo gets her Sword out.

(Akidzuki: This is not BI- how can it be when there are two Swords involved?)

Kakunojo and Akidzuki have brief Sword.

Akidzuki: Hmm, that wasn’t bad. You can come along with me, as long as you consider yourself an honorary man.

(Kakunojo: The honorary man bit isn’t ideal, but this could be the first step in getting Akidzuki to accept BI.)

Akidzuki and Kakunojo prepare to leave the temple. Kakunojo dresses in men’s clothing.

Man: Leaving already? I was hoping for some quality HARD GAY time with you- and what’s Kakunojo doing in those men’s clothes?

Kakunojo: Don’t worry about me- I’m used to this attire.

(Man: If you ask me, this is a sign that some BI is about to go down.)

On Enomoto’s ship, more soldiers have been recruited.

Soutetsu: After learning they would get the chance to sleep with the great Hijikata, many soldiers joined our cause.

Hijikata: It seems we will never be short of Pleasure partners.

Determined to get in on the Pleasure (and have some additional screen time), Akidzuki and Kakunojo are on one of the boats of generic soldiers about to board Enomoto’s ship.

(Akidzuki: My unique character design surely doesn’t stand out amongst all these generics- it’s the perfect way to sneak in unsuspected!)

(Hijikata: Is that Akidzuki down there?)

The chess piece team steers a British ship over for another round of BI with Enomoto. Enomoto prepares for their arrival with Evil Stare.

Enomoto: Men, give Cannon to that ship!

Despite the Cannon, the two ships collide, and a new BI session begins.

Enomoto: Don’t be afraid! Give them more Pleasure than they can possibly handle!

(Rook: What is this? This Pleasure is more intense than anything I’ve ever had before!)

Rook decides to go after Enomoto, but once again his knife is deflected by Evil Stare. Two generics give him fatal Sword.

Queen: Brother!

Knight: Something’s wrong- our named character immunity just went down!

Kanna: Then we’d better get out of here!

(Kanna: I’ll take any excuse to get away from this hideous BI; I was only using my Gun out of duty, and not because I was enjoying it- yes, I must believe that).

As Kanna and the others escape, Akidzuki and Kakunojo board the ship.

Enomoto: Ah, are you the next one who wants to give me Sword? I really am in demand.

(Akidzuki: I must kill him and put an end to his BI!)

(Enomoto: Time to defend myself with Evil Stare.)

Akidzuki prepares to give Enomoto fatal Sword, but before he can do so, Enomoto’s BI aura causes Kakunojo to give Akidzuki intense Sword.

(Akidzuki: This can’t be happening! I’m the main character…aren’t I?)

Enomoto: BI will always triumph! Gwakakaka! Gwakakaka! Gwakakaka! Gwakakaka!

The injured Akidzuki stumbles away as Kakunojo reverts to normal.

(Kakunojo: What have I done? I wanted BI with Akidzuki, but not like this!)

Soutetsu: Poor Eternal Assassin- if only you had accepted BI instead of trying to cling onto HARD GAY, none of this would have happened.

(Akidzuki: Damn you, BI! Activate Dramatic Slow Motion Mode!)

Akidzuki falls into the water in slow motion.

Enomoto: Men, I am very impressed with your BI! Let us have many more exciting sessions!

The soldiers begin cheering.

Enomoto: Now, we must all gather together in a place where the size of the Liang doesn’t matter, only its prowess- the land of Ezo!

Hijikata: Ezo…so he really does have one.

To be continued…

Hijikata: Ah, it seems my regular lovers are here. Sorry, Akidzuki, but I must bid you farewell for now.

(Akidzuki: No, don’t leave me- we still need to have many, many more HARD GAY sessions!)

On the deck of Enomoto’s ship, Brunet talks to Soutetsu.

Brunet: What’s up with all these men Enomoto keeps around?

Soutetsu: His appetite for BI has become truly prodigious- why, he hasn’t even left his room in the last few days.

Meanwhile, Akidzuki and Kakunojo have reached a temple belonging to an acquaintance of Shouten.

Man: For me, HARD GAY is the finest thing in this universe, even better than food. A virile young man like you is welcome to stay as long as he wants to.

(Akidzuki: Much as I need a regular HARD GAY partner, this man is far too ugly.)

The man shows Akidzuki and Kakunojo to another building.

Man: Here’s where you can rest- although I doubt you’ll be getting much sleep, if you know what I mean.

Akidzuki walks off in displeasure.

Elsewhere, Hijikata meets up with further compatriots, all willing to give him Sword. Unfortunately, he has to enter Sendai and have a HARD GAY meeting with several unattractive historical figures and attached generics.

(Hijikata: Men, men everywhere, and not a decent Liang between them.)

Hijikata notices Soutetsu.

(Hijikata: Hmm, he doesn’t look too bad.)

(Soutetsu: Ah, Hijikata, I must introduce you to the ways of BI.)

Soutetsu: Your Liang is most impressive, Hijikata.

Hijikata: Who are you?

Soutetsu: Soutetsu Ibaragi, a man of BI.

(Hijikata: Damn BI.)

Hijikata: I have no interest in BI.

Hijikata leaves. Meanwhile, back at the temple, Kakunojo is sweeping leaves.

Man: Well, it looks like Akidzuki isn’t interested in HARD GAY with me- I think he must be saving himself for BI with you.

Kakunojo: But he doesn’t seem interested in BI.

Man: All the more reason for you to go and persuade him to try it, then.

Unsurprisingly, Akidzuki is standing on the edge of a cliff, thinking about that fateful night of BI.

(Akidzuki: The spectre of BI continues to haunt me- when will I find a HARD GAY partner to wash it all away?)

Kakunojo approaches.

(Akidzuki: God, why do you mock me so? I don’t want this woman!)

Meanwhile, the chess piece team has just spotted one of Enomoto’s ships lurking in nearby waters.

Knight: Frenchmen are always good for BI- let’s go!

Kanna: Are you sure you’re up to satisfying them?

Bishop: On the contrary, all of them would barely be enough to assuage the appetite of one of us, let alone all four.

Rook: We know you’re not interested in BI, so you can just stay and watch if you like.

On board Enomoto’s ship, some generics are arguing.

Generic: Enomoto is in his room all the time, but when is it going to be my turn to have BI with him?

Generic #2: Just be patient, and trust in our leader.

Akidzuki talks to Kakunojo.

Akidzuki: Chief, I know what you want from me, but I don’t want to get involved with you. I’m just not interested in BI.

Kakunojo: Is that really true? Both you and I have Swords now- surely we are destined to be together.

Kakunojo tries to touch Akidzuki’s Sword, but he moves it away.

Akidzuki: That’s just your opinion.

Kakunojo: Have you even watched the OP? It shows us together!

Akidzuki: Just leave me alone! I’m dedicated to HARD GAY!

At a dojo, Hijikata has Shinai with his men.

Generic: HARD GAY with Hijikata really does wonders for morale.

Generic #2: He’s much better than those ugly old historical figures. And as for Enomoto, why, they say he has yet to show his Liang on land!

(Hijikata: Why can’t I get Soutetsu out of my head? I shouldn’t be attracted to him- he’s BI!)

Brunet visits Soutetsu, who is writing something.

Brunet: What’s that?

Soutetsu: It’s the script for next episode- I’m running a bit behind schedule again.

Whilst the chess piece team commences BI with generic French sailors, Kakunojo runs home to get her Sword.

Man: Kakunojo, wait! Women shouldn’t have Sword!

Kakunojo returns to Akidzuki.

Kakunojo: Akidzuki, please train me in the ways of Sword, so that I can Pleasure you in the manner you have become accustomed to!

Hijikata visits Soutetsu.

Hijikata: You- you were laughing at those historical figures and their pathetic HARD GAY earlier, weren’t you?

Soutetsu: Trust me, my BI is far superior to anything they could offer.

Hijikata: Are you sure you have no interest in HARD GAY?

Soutetsu: HARD GAY is finished- it is the age of BI now.

Meanwhile, Kakunojo unsuccessfully tries to give Akidzuki Sword, only to be distracted by the sound of Cannon from the chess piece team’s BI. Enomoto also comes out on deck, causing Akidzuki’s gaydar to go off.

(Akidzuki: I sense great Pleasure occurring over there, but is it HARD GAY- or BI?)

Back in his room, Soutetsu continues to talk to Hijikata.

Soutetsu: I’m sure you can feel the Pleasure aura emanating from over there- that is just my comrade Enomoto demonstrating the power of BI. I know you feel compelled to stick with the old ways, but BI truly is the future- and by signing this contract, you can even become my lover. And I assure you that I will be giving you plenty of bedroom time if you sign up.

(Hijikata: I don’t like the idea of BI, but he’s so damn attractive!)

To be continued…