They said it didn’t need to be done, but it was- a prequel to the greatest trainwreck of all time, Mai-Otome 0. And thus, in true Azure Flame tradition, we could not merely let the situation pass- for where Otome exists, so does parody. So, join us as we delve into the past, to the days of Rena Sayers and the King of Windbloom- to a terrible era devoid of fat grey cats…

The future John Smith (currently known as ‘Kiddo’) plots to kidnap the main character and take her place.

“Sorry, but I indulged in a spicy curry on the way here.”

“Never, ever mess with a woman in a maid costume!”

“Give her back! I must become the main character!”

“No way! Even Sunrise won’t give in to your demands!”

Bruce decides to indulge in a spot of power-throwing.

When your Master is a nun, you have to wear the Robe for the part.

“Look, I can fly!”

“…sorry, I was cheating- I had an invisible Otome catch me.”

Go forth, new characters!

Now for a history lesson. Pay attention everyone, as we go back to days when generics rose up and threatened us all.

In desperation, the people turned to HARD YURI.

In this way, maid power was released and Otome were born.

Here’s some gratuitous Otome-service that has no real connection to anything.

Now back to business- let’s properly meet the lead, Sifr Flan.

Already she has the obligatory tragic past, with a deceased mother.

Here we see her being auditioned for the role of main character.

“Hello, I’m Rena and despite the earring, maid costume and back story revealed in the original series, I am most certainly not an Otome.”

“We’re actually from Mai-HiME Destiny, but they let us have cameos anyway.”

Another new character arrives for some screen time.

“Rena, we must have HARD YURI at once or the fans will get upset!”

“Ladies, if you wish to do that sort of thing, might I suggest you retire to the bedroom?”

“Can you help us? We’re looking for screen time.”

Gone are the fat grey cats- in their place we have a thin one called Nina.

Could it be that Sifr was inspired to name her daughter Nina after rescuing this cat?

Falling from any height is rarely an issue in Mai-Otome.

At last, the cat is safe again- but for how long?

After DVD special 4, it’s best not to even speculate what the creators were thinking at this point.

When in doubt, there’s always fanservice.

An action scene at Garderobe? This is so rare that I must record it!

In the background we have what appears to be a young Miss Maria.

“I really wish I had bought more furnishings for this office.”

“Oh well, I’ll just have to make do with some phone yuri.”

“Phone yuri with the headmistress is always so tiring.”

“I don’t care what they say- it isn’t as good as the real thing.”

“Wait a minute- how did I suddenly end up on Strictly Come Dancing?”

“Would you care for a foxtrot?”

“Wait a minute- that isn’t Bruce Forsyth!”

“Never fear, my tiny pistol shall protect us against this immense monster!”

“I think you’d better let us handle it- activate special Jewellery Channel earrings!”

But which is better? Ugly monsters…

…or Otome? There’s only one way to find out-

FIGHT!!

Oh, sorry, when I said fight what I actually meant was ‘run away’.

“Named characters, feel the wrath of the oppressed generics!”

“Oh by the way, you know when I said I wasn’t an Otome, what I meant was that I actually am an Otome.”

“Sorry, I don’t have the Blue Sky Sapphire yet- oops, you’re not supposed to know about that.”

“Damn you, I hate named characters!”

“I told you we shouldn’t have bought our weapons from the discount store- look what’s happened to them!”

“Take a look at this, John Smith! This is the power of the named character!”

“NOOO!!! What is the obsession with tentacles in this show?”

This man is the John Smith of the era, and subtle hints lead me to believe he may be evil.

No Oto-HiME era would be complete without an artificial life-form, so meet M-9.

“Charging- R-Blade!”

“That move is so 2005!”

“Now, talk to the hand!”

“KAMEHAMEHA!”

“Now who’s being old-fashioned?”

“Flare Arrow!”

“For the sake of everyone I must kill Sifr and prevent Nina from ever existing!”

Don’t you just hate it when you get a power over-lod?

“We’ve done Xenosaga, Dragonball Z and Slayers- now let’s go for the Ikkitousen look!”

“Hey, is it okay if I stop standing around and actually participate in this battle?”

“Tremble in fear at the playing of my invisible piano!”

“Looks like it’s time for ridiculously huge weapons!”

Now to end with a gratuitous character shot.

Next time: Hime and Otome- why am I not enthused at the prospect?

OVA closing thoughts
As to be expected of an OVA sequel to a TV series, Zwei started off by introducing a previously unmentioned evil for our heroines to fight- in this case, a shadow Otome who petrified some named characters for no real reason and absorbed the appearance of Fumi Himeno, the first ever Otome. As we learn in this episode, our enemy is actually some sort of superweapon named Yuna who was sent into space by her creators, only to end up causing trouble for our leads. Sadly, thanks to all the time spent on bus hijackings and bathing scenes, there isn’t time to give Yuna much in the way of development- she merely appears, turns a few people to stone, and ultimately gets defeated.

Anyway, on with the plot, and for reasons that remain unclear to me even now, the strange plant things that appear all over the world open up to reveal Children, presumably included as a way of giving the supporting Otome something to do. In an homage to Mai-HiME, the Child that appears at Mai’s location just happens to be Kagutsuchi, letting the powerful cat goddess Mikoto step back and let her Otome fight it whilst she continues to nap.

Meanwhile, Yuna decides to transform into final boss mode, and by randomly using some source of power that just happens to be compatible with her, she transforms into a giant version of Otome Fumi, complete with a connection to the so-called ‘Administar’ in orbit of the planet. Yes, an alien weapon can now connect to a previously unimportant orbiting Shinso, whilst our own Otome are so unprepared for the loss of their Shinso that they have to use a barely functional surrogate system (what is the surrogate system, anyway?).

With the final boss in place, it is time for Arika to go to Mashiro, but whilst Lumen is willing to take her part of the way, once they meet up with Midori and Rad, Arika and Mikoto get stranded in the middle of nowhere for some reason. Not that I don’t understand the desire to leave Arika to perish in the desert, but when fat cat Mikoto is there too, it becomes a different matter entirely. Anyway, for reasons that I suspect will never make sense to me, Mikoto is somehow able to signal for a white dolphin by flashing light off her earring, enabling Arika to reach Mashiro just in time to stop FumiYuna from blowing her away.

Sadly, Arika in puffy pink mode is not enough to defeat the final boss, and so various convenient yet ultimately senseless things have to occur in order to avoid a game over. First, Nina, who just happened to wash up here at the end of last episode, carrying a book that oh-so-conveniently contains some long-lost Otome gems, makes a contract with Mashiro so that she too can join the fight in a brand new Robe. Then, determined not to be outdone, Arika decides to settle her differences with Mashiro with a mutual slap on the cheek, somehow magically re-enabling the much better looking Zwei Mode Robe. Finally, Nagi, who seems to know exactly what is going on despite being stuck in an Artai prison, phones up Natsuki because he somehow knows exactly how to Protect Break the enemies so that they can be defeated without continually regenerating. All I can say is- thank heavens for coincidences.

With all these pieces in place, FumiYuna is defeated, but by exercising her right to a second form, she is able to survive by absorbing Mashiro and turning into the true final boss, FumiMashiro. What drama, what excitement- oh wait, one attack each from Nina and Arika, and she’s been turned into green sparkles.

Meanwhile, Mai has been fighting Kagutsuchi conveniently off screen all this time, but now that we’re approaching the end, it is time to finish the job by pulling its sword out. For reasons that remain beyond my understanding, this causes Kagutsuchi to transform into a small white cat- cute, to be sure, but inexpliable nonetheless. Now, everyone can live happily ever after, and whilst Mashiro and Arika appear to be missing, they actually prove to be floating happily in space (as we have already seen, breathing in space and even entering the atmosphere whilst buck naked are mere trifles to Otome characters), contemplating how they would like to see more of the world.

And so, it all ends- or does it? For, post-credits, we see Ribbon-chan, who now resembles chibi-Erstin more than a black mage (she may even be the reincarnation of Erstin in some sense) resolve to become an Otome one day- surely a recipe for a sequel some day. And even before that inevitable sequel, we have a prequel to look forward to- Mai-Otome S.ifl.

Alternate Version

Natsuki is shocked and disappointed to learn that she must stay put with the nameless heads of state whilst everyone else gets action scenes.

“Should I wait in the dressing room until it’s time for my final boss battle?”

Let’s play guess the character! Here are a few clues- it’s a fire element Child whose name begins with K.

“Haruka, come back to me so that we can have HARD YURI once again.”

“ARIKAA!!!! Sergey is mine!!”

“Nina, it’s you that I love!”

“Oh, it was just a budget saving flashback dream.”

Time for some catservice.

“Who left the Book of Twilight here?”

“Launch Gundams, er, I mean Otome!”

“Arika, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to take up screen time with main character type things.”

(“Damn, there goes my last chance of being able to do anything useful.”)

Nagi plans to make millions by publishing his “Smile Diary”.

“Rad, I wish there was some point to us appearing.”

“You think you’ve got problems- I lost my bishie body before the series even began!”

“Arika, here’s the script for the rest of the episode- written under the influence of sweet potato dango as usual.”

“Okay, we’re just going to fly off and leave you here now.”

“Can’t you take me with you?”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you!”

Bee Train must have assisted with this scene.

Mikoto to the rescue!

Her earring is able to signal for rescue.

Gathering apples is always relevant to the plot.

“Oh, by the way, I also have a Slave crystal- because I am the reincarnation of Erstin!”

“Oh come on- can anyone who isn’t called Mimi actually die in this series?”

“I must only use my powers for cooking!”

“Activate HiME-service and summon Kagutsuchi!”

“This seems familiar somehow.”

“We may be unimportant to the plot, but we’re still alive!”

“Quick, Mikoto, we must power up with HARD YURI!”

“Leave this to me- fans will appreciate the irony.”

“People have been complaining that we just fly around and use energy blast, so here’s an all-new Maraca Attack!”

“Minor Character Gratuitous Cameo Attack!”

“Final Boss Form One- Giant Winged Fumi!”

“Now to strike fear into the hearts of everyone by attacking nowhere in particular with my laser beam eyes!”

I don’t really understand how or why, but somehow “Fumi” is able to connect to the so-called “Administar”.

“Bad news, Natsuki- the plot makes no sense whatsoever!”

Enemies emerge to keep the lesser Otome occupied.

“You can’t attack me- I’m not an Otome!”

“I can’t be blown away- I’m too important! Don’t make me the first significant casualty!”

“Magical star dolphin ex machina!”

For some reason, the dolphin has a Mikoto-earring. If only Sunrise would explain these things.

“Play time is over- it’s time for you to face the main character!”

If there’s a Mikoto shot, you can be sure I’ll take it.

“Get me the director- I need to know why this OVA is so crappy!”

“Say what? If I don’t co-operate, I don’t get any HARD YURI with Shizuru?”

“Who is this, anyway?”

“Natsuki, I am the director!”

(“That explains a lot.”)

“Why am I losing? I thought I was the main character!”

“Nina, the plot needs you!”

“Thank god I have these conveniently procured GEMs.”

“Mashiro, let’s copy the manga and have you make a contract with me.”

“Okay, but let me get one thing straight- I am not a man in drag!”

“Materialise with all-new previously unmentioned GEM- Neptune Emerald!”

“I’m back- and this time I’ll make sure the audience doesn’t hate me!”

“Yay, Nina- let’s have HARD YURI!”

“Hey Mashiro, I can’t outdo Nina without the Zwei Mode I lost in episode one!”

“Fine- we can easily mend our relationship by slapping each other.”

“That feels much better.”

“Goodbye Arinko, hello Rena junior!”

This attack is called Dash Cold Water Spout (no, really).

Yes, everyone else is still fighting- and note how Akane is having the closest thing she will ever get to a sexual experience.

“Gwakakaka, I am the final boss- it will take more than flashy special attacks to destroy me!”

“Oh crap, why do you always lose reception when you need it the most?”

“Help, I’m dying- dying!”

“Oh wait, final bosses always get a second form- Mashiro Fusion!”

“Don’t worry about me- Sunrise surely wouldn’t kill me off now!”

“All right, let’s do some special attacks.”

“Yay, I get an even bigger sword!”

“Damn you- I just get this same old attack again!”

“Sorry, Nina, but the main character always gets the final blow.”

Ah, good old green sparkles.

For reasons it is best not to think too deeply about, when Mai defeats Kagutsuchi, it turns into this small white cat.

“Yay, this OVA is almost over!”

“Hey, since Shizuru isn’t around, what say you and I hook up?”

“Actually, everyone who was petrified has just woken up unharmed.”

“This isn’t the last you’ve seen of Sergey Wang!”

Mashiro and Arika- proving once again that in the Otome world, survival in the hard vacuum of space is nothing special.

“Looking down at the planet from up here makes me realise how petty and small we can be when we should be looking at the bigger picture, yada, yada, yada…”

Yes, “Otome wa do my best deshou?” is so good that it really needed a 2007 remix.

“I’m going to be an Otome some day, and have my own spin-off series!”- and yes, this is Ribbon-chan/Erstin/whatever she is.

Coming soon, Mai-Otome S.ifl!

Experience the early days of one John Smith!

As he faces off against Some Guy!

It’s not Chie and Shiho, but Mayo and Shion from the Mai-HiME Destiny novels.

Young Maria and Some Other Character appear.

The legendary Pillars of old don their robes…

…but are they any match for Rena? Who cares, really?

And no, I wasn’t joking when I said it was called S.ifl.

Wind Bloom
Once a significant world power, Wind Bloom has lost status over the generations thanks to a number of ineffectual rulers, but nonetheless retains much of its influence on the world stage thanks the existence of Garderobe within its borders. The previous king and queen were considered capable rulers with a chance of restoring Wind Bloom to its former glory, but died in mysterious circumstances along with the king’s Otome, Rena. Although the cause of death was ruled to be an accident, there are those who suspect that Prime Minister Sergey had something to do with it.

Since Princess Mashiro is currently underage and without an Otome, Sergey serves as the country’s regent with Aoi as a Jade in place of a contracted Meister; Mashiro is scheduled to ascend to the throne and choose an Otome on her eighteenth birthday.

Ealis/Aries
A democratic nation ruled by President Yukino and her ministers, Ealis was once a close ally of Wind Bloom, although relations have cooled since Sergey became regent. Nonetheless, the country still retains close links with Garderobe, and often acts as an arbitrator for other countries’ disputes thanks to its domestic stability.

Artai
Once a comparatively insignificant power, Artai has gained influence under the ruthless command of Archduke Nagi. Although Nagi has yet to make an overt move, many suspect him of planning an aggressive agenda, and rumours persist that he has allied himself with Sergey with the intention of marrying Mashiro and gaining control of Wind Bloom. Nagi currently has no Otome, however a special training program grooms Artai girls and selects the most capable to be sent to Garderobe. Nao and Nina are the first two girls from the program to be trained as Otome.

Aswald
Previous world wars have not been kind to Aswald, leaving the country poor in resources and highly dependent on trade, whilst much of the populace suffers from an untreatable degenerative disease. Under the leadership of First Minister Reito, Aswald has pinned all its hope on reviving the country through technology, specifically nanomachines.

Aswald has begun forging links with Garderobe by providing Natsuki with firearms and sending Yohko to share her medical expertise, however they are one of the few countries not to use Otome, for both moral and economic reasons.

Schwarz
An ambitious country ruled by High Priest Joseph Greer, Schwarz labours under an oppressive regime that has grown out of the once-benign theocracy. The church is now little more than a tool used to keep the populace in line whilst the government makes their forays into illegal technology.

Relations between Garderobe and Schwarz have always been poor, hence Schwarz has no Otome. Their Slave and Valkyrie research is an attempt to create an alternate technology that is equally versatile.

Zipang
Nominally ruled by King Takumi, Zipang is one of the greatest forces in the east, but it has recently fallen prey to the conflicting agendas of ambitious ministers.

Other countries and characters will be highlighted as they appear in the story.

THE GREAT CONVENTION
After the last great world war and the subsequent rebuilding, the countries listed above all agreed to uphold the articles of this convention. Those who do not may face sanctions and retaliation from other signatories, although the enthusiasm for enforcement decreases as time passes and new political regimes comes into power.

Basic Articles

1. Garderobe, its staff, and students, will be considered an independent state and must maintain a politically neutral stance unless directly threatened.

2. Nanotechnology can only be developed for Otome-related pursuits at Garderobe; no other country may pursue nanomachine research.

3. Any Otome contracted to a state leader or their proxy must swear loyalty to her state over any previous ties to Garderobe.

SYNOPSIS

Year One: Coral
As a child, Arika Yumemiya was always enthralled by the stories her grandma told, especially the “Legend of HiME”, and even more so by those real-life fairytale women, the Otome. After Wind Bloom Otome Rena visited her village, Arika became determined to enter Garderobe, and began the long, hard process of saving up.

For Nina, her formative years were very different. Growing up in the slums of Artai, she learned how to protect herself thanks to an older girl named Nao, at least until Nao was whisked away by the Artai enforcers. A couple of years later, the same thing happens to Nina herself, and she ends up in a government sponsored education program, in which she excels in all subjects. Due to this success, she finds herself brought before Duke Nagi, who informs her that she is to be sent to Garderobe to train as an Otome.

At the beginning of the next academic year, both Nina and Arika enrol in Garderobe, along with Erstin, Tomoe and Mashiro, who is studying to be an effective ruler and Master. Nina quickly rises to the top of the class, with Erstin holding firmly in the middle, but whilst Arika can hold her own in physical education, academically she hovers somewhere near the bottom. Tomoe is managing to keep up with the class, but clearly at great cost- she continually skips out on sleep or free periods to study or train; Mashiro, meanwhile, is just uncomfortable at not being waited on hand and foot!

Around this time, Nina is also reunited with Nao, who picks Nina and Tomoe as her soeurs. Nao confides to Nina that she doesn’t care about Nagi’s sponsorship program or his plans for Artai; she plans to graduate as a Jade and use her qualification to land a highly paid job in some faraway country. Arika and Erstin become Akane’s soeurs, whilst Arika also befriends Mashiro and learns that Rena and the old king died under suspicious circumstances.

Meanwhile, in Aswald, Reito, the country’s leader, goes to visit Midori at her research lab. He explains that the doctors have told him that his degenerative muscle disease is getting worse- in another year or so he may well end up confined to a wheelchair. Midori assures him that Yohko’s work at Garderobe will soon uncover a medical application for the nanomachines, but Reito tell her that won’t come fast enough. Thousands of his people are suffering from the same disease, and in desperation he has made a risky gamble- an alliance with Schwarz.

To this end, Midori accompanies Reito to meet the ruler of Schwarz, Joseph Greer, his daughters, Miyu and Alyssa, and liaison John Smith. Greer explains that in recent years Schwarz has made a technological breakthrough and cites his daughters a living proof- both of them are cyborgs with abilities beyond those of normal humans. Schwarz is willing to hand over their research for Midori to study, but in return she must help them with a separate project- Slave research.

At Reito’s urging, Midori agrees to cooperate, and is filled in on the details of the Slave project. Each Slave Master (drawn from army conscripts, ‘volunteers’ and prisoners) is given a gem with imaging data on a particular Slave, and a “REM” hand implant that contains nanomachines but keeps them sealed away from the bloodstream. Once the nanomachines materialise the Slave, power requirements are steadily drawn from the Master’s life force until they expire.

Naturally, Midori is curious as to how Schwarz got their hands on nanomachines, and so they reveal their trump card- the captured Otome Mai Tokiha. Unfortunately, one Otome isn’t enough- Schwarz wish to capture more, and to that end, they want to send a Slave Squadron on a raid to Garderobe. With little other choice by this point, Midori agrees to assist with the project, but secretly sends a message to Yohko informing her of Schwarz’s plans.

On receipt of the information, Natsuki gathers the Garderobe staff together to decide a plan of action. Natsuki decides that a full-on confrontation with Schwarz could destabilise the world’s already tenuous political balance, and asks Sarah and Maya to infiltrate the country and destroy their Slave research facilities after gathering proof that Schwarz was breaking the Great Convention by carrying out nanomachine research. Whilst they accomplish their mission, Garderobe will prepare for the impending raid by sending the Corals and prospective Masters away on a field trip to Aries under the care of Maria and some of the lower-ranked Pearls, whilst Natsuki, Shizuru, Aoi and the most able Pearls and Jades will stay to defend the school.

Whilst the Coral and noble students are kept in the dark about the impending raid and consider the field trip just another part of the curriculum, Natsuki and Shizuru tell the Pearls exactly what is going on. They explain that although the assistance of capable Pearls would be a help on the battlefield, no one should feel obliged to put themselves in danger. Akane, Chie and a large proportion of the Pearls do indeed agree to stay behind, but Shiho and Nao decline.

With all the preparations complete, the Coral party departs for Aries. On arrival, Maria meets up with President Yukino and her Otome Haruka to update her on the situation at Garderobe. Haruka wants to assist Garderobe, but Yukino restrains her, reminding her of the political consequences. To distract Haruka from trying anything on her own, Yukino assigns her to help Maria with the field trip.

Despite their attempts to enjoy some free time sightseeing and visiting Aries’ beaches, Maria keeps the students on a tight leash. The first few days of the field trip are spent with Haruka, learning about what it means to be a meister, and also visiting the Jades that work in various capacities throughout the country. Despite having learnt about democracies in school, Mashiro is more than a little incredulous to see one operating firsthand, and declares the monarchy to be a much a better idea.

Meanwhile, with a little help from Shizuru’s underground agents, Sarah and Maya make it into Schwarz. They complete the first part of their mission by gathering evidence of Schwarz’s research and are more than a little disheartened to see that Aswald are working with them. They are also too late to prevent the departure of the raiding squad, but nonetheless resolve to destroy the research facilities.

After formulating a plan of attack, Maya and Sarah begin their assault on the Slave research centre; unfortunately, whilst they do manage to destroy a large chunk of the facility, Maya runs into Miyu before they can reach the secure area where Mai is being held. Caught off guard by Miyu’s advanced abilities, Maya is captured by Schwarz forces, and Sarah makes the difficult decision to retreat with the crucial evidence rather than attempting a rescue.

With Maya in custody, it becomes clear that Garderobe were forewarned; both Miyu and Reito advise calling off the attack, but Greer refuses- he wants definitive data on the Slaves’ performance in battle. He does, however, task a group of enforcers with finding out just who tipped Garderobe off; on hearing this, Midori decides to free Mai and Maya and flee the country with them, leaving a note behind to indicate that she acted on her own and that Aswald should not bear any of the consequences of her actions.

At Garderobe, defence preparations are complete when the Schwarz forces are sighted- a number of deceptively innocent parties of civilians overseen by John Smith. A flawless negotiator, Smith has already arranged legitimate passage through several countries, with the ease of his progress suggesting that Nagi and even Prime Minister Sergey may not be entirely unsympathetic with his aims.

After assessing their relative numbers and Midori’s information about the Slaves, Natsuki and Shizuru set up a plan of attack; instead of stretching their defences by confronting the enemy at the border of Garderobe’s ground, they will stage a number of feint attacks to drain the Slaves’ energy before initiating a full-on engagement at the main school building.

After the meeting, Akane and a delegation of Pearls confront Shizuru and Natsuki, accusing them of being too euphemistic about the Slaves’ energy source; they are, after all, linked to people. Natsuki begins to justify their actions as the course with the least overall casualties, but Shizuru cuts in; morally questionable activities are an unfortunate but integral part of life as an Otome.

Back in Aries, the Corals are facing a different challenge in the form of a survival trek through a reserve used to train Ariean military forces. The goal is simple- each pair of Corals must protect their designated ‘Master’ whilst simultaneously trying to disable one other team’s Master. Every participant must wear a ‘life counter’ that will decrease if they get attacked by an enemy, and also remotely record their success at finding food and avoiding obstacles. Based on a match-up of relative abilities, Nina and Arika are assigned to Mashiro; Nina protests this as she believes Arika and Mashiro will hold her back, but Maria tells her that this will be a good lesson in teamwork.

The trek starts badly, with Mashiro complaining sorely about the lack of creature comforts, and neither Nina nor Arika keen to listen to her grievances. Finally, tempers flare when Arika refuses to contemplate attacking other Masters, and an annoyed Nina resolves to go off and launch an offensive on her own- unfortunately, it ends badly and she loses all her ‘life points’. With Nina now out of the game, Mashiro tells Arika that she should quit too; anything that can take out the number one Coral will have no problem with a dunce like Arika. Arika refuses to give up no matter what the odds, and a reluctant Mashiro decides to think up a strategy to increase their odds.

OTOME
An Otome is classified as any woman injected with self-replicating internal nanomachines that enable her to materialise a protective armoured robe and weapon. Otome are valued throughout the world for their superior education and fighting abilities, and although the cost of contracting them is very high, many leaders choose to do so anyway.

More on nanomachines
Only a small percentage of the female population are compatible with nanomachines; men and incompatible women injected with them will reject the invasion and die of internal bleeding and organ failure. According to the Great Convention signed at the end of the last world war, Garderobe is the only state allowed to develop nanomachine technology, and only for the purpose of creating Otome (see later for more specifics). Nonetheless, certain nations carry out prohibited research, and there is a growing world movement that believes that everyone should be allowed access to nanomachines.

Nanomachines are controlled by Gems whose crystalline arrangement depends on the data stored within them. Gems are keyed to a specific set of vocal commands issued by their user, at which point they transmit data to the nanomachines, telling them how to alter matter.

A side effect of having nanomachines in the body is that they are programmed to break down viruses and foreign bodies to prevent illness. This also means that they will act on any ‘male proteins’ in the body, preventing conception.

GARDEROBE AND OTOME RANKINGS
Garderobe Academy lies within the borders of Wind Bloom, but is considered as an independent and historically neutral state in its own right. Girls from all over the world study there to become Otome, but there is also a co-ed section in which children of noble bloodline can learn about statecraft and what it means to become an Otome Master.

Admission-Otome
Any girl between the ages of 15-18 can apply to study at Garderobe (other ages may be admitted at the discretion of the Headmistress). Successful admission depends on the results of a physical exam, written exam, interview and nano-machine compatibility test. The school year begins in spring (as in Japan), but transfers may be allowed in mid-term if places are available.

Admission- Nobles
Entirely at discretion of Headmaster; the tendency is to accept as many applications as possible since it fosters good political relations and teaches children a less biased view of the world than they might otherwise learn at home. Most noble students are aged between 15 and 18, and will remain at Garderobe for 1-2 years.

Preliminary Class: Coral
Aspiring Otome spend 1-2 years in the Coral level. Students who have not had the equivalent of a high school education will attend classes in a variety of subjects; others can take advanced courses if they wish. Given the worldwide importance of Otome, emphasis is placed on history, politics, languages, and of course combat training. At Coral level, a robe can materialise any of a variety of weapons.

At the end of their first Coral year, all students are expected to take a series of written and practical exams, followed up by an inter-year tournament. Tournament performance is not only graded by whether the student wins or loses her battle- attitude, form and style are all taken into account.

Anyone who fails to graduate to Pearl at the end of their first year is allowed to repeat the year, but if they fail a second time, they are expelled. Rumours persist of a student group that ‘encourages’ students to drop out rather than repeating the year.

Finals Class: Pearl
Coral graduates spend a further 2 years in the Pearl level, during which time more advanced courses and combat training are pursued. Like the Coral robes, Pearl robes can materialise a variety of weapons.

Pearls can choose up to two underclassmen to serve as their soeurs; the Pearl mentors the Corals, who in return perform various duties for their underclassmen.

Graduate Class: Jade
All successful graduates earn the prestigious rank of Jade. At this point the graduate can choose whether to continue being an Otome, or have her nanomachines deactivated.

Active Jades
For a Jade still working as a Full Otome, there is no shortage of options- Jades are highly sought after for roles as teachers, bodyguards, military personnel or contracted Otome (see ‘Meisters’ section) for nobles or minor leaders unable to afford a meister. Jade Otome generally set their nanomachines to materialise only the weapons they are most proficient with.

Inactive Jades
Any Jade wishing to bear children or to simply lead a more normal life must first have her nanomachines deactivated at the Garderobe Medical Institute. Even without the ability to materialise, proof of qualification from Garderobe is sufficient to land high-ranking administrative jobs.

Meisters
This is the highest rank an Otome can attain, and is only for the most dedicated and capable of women. Each meister has a unique gem that materialises a personally tailored robe and weapon. Although it is not compulsory, meisters will usually contract to a master to enhance their powers- the master’s life force is drained in exchange for enhanced fighting ability. Despite the obvious disadvantages of this system, many nobles and leaders still choose to accept contracts (or force relatives to accept them) since an Otome is an incredible advantage in battle, whilst being without one is an obvious vulnerability. At the current level of nanotechnology, it is only possible for an Otome to contract to one master, and vice versa.

Traditionally, Meisters are encouraged to remain celibate as relationships are seen as a distraction from the life of an Otome.

CHARACTERS

Arika: A country girl who is inspired to become an Otome after meeting Rena, Arika is an enthusiastic but none too bright student who manages to scrape through one way or another.

Nina: Having lived a harsh life in the slums of Artai, Nina is determined to gain enough power to protect her country. Her determination and rigid adherence to duty gradually lead her down an ever darker path.

Mashiro: Princess of Wind Bloom. Mashiro enters Garderobe at the beginning of the series to learn statecraft and meister duties. As per Wind Bloom tradition, she will take up the throne and choose a Meister on her eighteenth birthday.

Sergey: Regent of Wind Bloom, Sergey is more interested in consolidating his own power base than in serving either his queen or his people.

Aoi: Windbloom’s Jade level Otome until such time as Mashiro picks a meister. In previous years, Aoi was also Mashiro’s tutor.

Erstin: Classmate of Nina and Arika; she admires Nina so much that she forfeits the first year match to ensure that Nina can become a Pearl. Erstin later becomes a Jade, but is killed by Nina on the battlefield.

Natsuki: Headmistress of Garderobe Academy. Although it is commonly believed that she is an Otome, a handful of people in the know are aware that Natsuki is actually a failed Otome, and only has her position because of her administrative abilities and shrewd tactical thinking. She is also something of a firearms expert, her preferred weapon being a Duran-class firearm with custom-made chrome and silver cartridges, secretly imported from Aswald.

Shizuru: Meister Otome contracted to Natsuki. Shizuru has numerous duties, from teaching at Garderobe to arbitrating disputes. Shizuru also has an unofficial network of Jade agents keeping her apprised of the worldwide political situation.

Yukino: President of Ealis, Yukino maintains a firm but fair hand. She once attended Garderobe as a prospective Master, and met Haruka, Natsuki and their peers there.

Haruka: Yukino’s Meister Otome; hot-headed but generally good at getting the job done.

Yukariko, Maria: Jade level Otome and teachers at Garderobe.

Sarah, Maya: Meister Otome, advanced lecturers and also guardians of Garderobe. They have chosen not to contract with a Master.

Shiho: Pearl level Otome and head of the Disciplinary Committee, an unofficial student organisation that harasses second year Corals and encourages them to drop out. Shiho is later disgraced herself when she fails her final Pearl exams.

Chie: Deputy leader of the student council during her Pearl years; Chie becomes one of Shizuru’s Jade agents on graduation.

Akane: Leader of the student council during her Pearl years. Despite her feelings for Kazuya, she chooses to devote herself to her Otome studies and graduate as a Jade. During the war years, however, she ends up contracting with Kazuya as an Otome, and eventually draining his life force.

Kazuya: Young Carlteyan noble attending Garderobe. He initiates a relationship with Akane but eventually breaks up with her when she chooses to focus on her career. Later becomes an important force in the Carlteyan government.

Tomoe: Coral level Otome who is forced to repeat her first year due to an overall failing grade. Following an encounter with the Disciplinary Committee, Tomoe drops out during her second year and joins the Valkyrie unit.

Nagi: Duke of Artai; Nagi is an ambitious man who plans to marry Mashiro and thus take over Wind Bloom.

Midori: Head of research at the Aswald Technological Institute, Midori oversees the development of new technology such as Children, Slaves and cybernetic implants. A good person at heart, Midori hopes that her research will help protect the weak, but beneath her positive exterior she is forced to bear the knowledge that her work is being used to wage war against others.

Yohko: A former colleague of Midori, Yohko left Aswald to pursue nanomachine research at Garderobe in the hopes that she could improve on the Otome technology. She is also responsible for importing Natsuki’s firearms.

Takumi: Ruler of Zipang and younger brother of Mai. Due to his poor health he is more of a figurehead than an active ruler, with most of the real power lying in the hands of his ruthless and ambitious ministers. This is a situation that has only worsened since Mai’s disappearance, but nonetheless Akira and her underlings swear fealty only to Takumi himself.

Akira: Childhood friend and now bodyguard of Takumi. Akira was appointed by Mai and told to hide her gender so that she wouldn’t be forced into becoming an Otome.

Mai: As a teenager, Mai was sent to Garderobe with the express aim of becoming her brother’s Otome, but when she found out that a contract with him could further damage his already frail health, she refused to continue her training. Forced to go on the run when Zipang agents came after her, Mai was captured by Schwarz and turned into a test subject.

Mikoto: The last descendant of her family, Mikoto bears a terrible burden as “The Watcher”, a guardian tasked with keeping an eye on the wellbeing of the entire planet. Unfortunately, over the past few decades, Mikoto’s powers have been growing steadily weaker, and she is forced to act through her network of feline avatars.

Rena: Former Otome of Wind Bloom, contracted to the King.

Joseph Gleer: High Priest and ruler of Schwarz. Joseph has twisted the country’s worship of “The Great Artemis” into a tool which his government uses to control the populace.

Miyu: Gleer’s eldest daughter; she is in fact an advanced cyborg created through Schwarz research.

Alyssa: Gleer’s younger daughter and a cyborg like Miyu. Alyssa is known throughout the country as “The Voice of God”, and her apparent revelations from the divine Artemis are among Joseph’s most effective weapons in controlling his people.

Note: the real reason Iâ’m doing the post this way is because I was watching the raw in the car and didn’t catch all the dialogue.

Fat grey cats remain the best thing about Mai-Otome.

Despite getting their first screen time in ages, the heads of state remain depressed because no one can ever remember their names.

“Come on, Nina, it’s not far to a location of plot importance.”

The world is under threat from a mysterious Shadow Otome, so what’s the logical thing to do? That’s right, have a mass bathing scene!

“Hey Arika, what do you think of some HARD YURI?”

“But you’re not my usual partner!”

“Akane!”

“Kazu-kun!”

“You guys- no STRAIGHT allowed!”

What follows is an”amusing” recounting of how Maya prevents the sexually frustrated Akane and Kazuya from doing the deed.

Remember, Mahoro says ecchi thoughts are wrong, boys and girls.

“I seem to have regressed in age to my HiME self.”

“Hey Shiho, do you think this bathing suit uses too much fabric?”

“No, and I don’t think my maki maki joke has been overused yet either!”

“All right, HARD YURI bondage time!”

“Who wants first go of my Whip?”

“Help, the power of fanservice is removing my bikini!”

“Yoink!”

“Wait- I said I didn’t want HARD YURI with you!”

“Did I hear someone say HARD YURI?”

“Smoochie, smoochie.”

“Help, I’m being forced to have HARD YURI with a minor character!”

“Hey Aoi, how come you never come onto me like that?”

“Everyone get naked, it’s what the audience gets off to!”

Double yoink (sorry, I wasn’t fast enough to catch the one where Shiho’s breast padding is revealed, but Omni has it over at RC).

“Don’t be shy- it’s time for mass HARD YURI- the sort we could never have on TV.”

“Calm down, Liang…”

“AA, B, C, D…”

“Chie, stop looking at other women!

Sometimes, it’s best not to ask why.

Now this is more like it.

Nao takes a moment to advertise her upcoming spin-off show.

“Can you stop reading out your perverted fantasies about Sergey, Nina?”

Nine out of ten viewers voted to see Nina fall into a pit.

“Mr Director, I’m phoning to complain about being left out of the topless bathing scene.”

“The trouble with these statues is that you can’t have good HARD YURI with them- and believe me, I’ve tried.”

It’s about time we had a cameo- everyone else has had their two seconds of airtime.”

A bottlemail washes up, Phantom Brave style.

If Sergey is asleep now, just what were they doing earlier?

“Hmm, I can’t say the script for this episode is particularly marvellous.”

“Here’s some more Mikoto-service.”

“This is how we’d like to animate episode 4- do you think anyone will notice the difference?”

“I can’t help feeling it’s time for a spot of fishing.”

“You are now entering the Chamber of Horrors.”

“Our main attraction is this giant cocoon.”

“We also have pointless monsters.”

“Oh yes, and did we mention the evil Shadow Otome?”

Nao’s action scene is the one good part of this episode.

Breaking news- mysterious monster sighted near Arc de Triomphe.

Nao fights bravely, but without DESTINED MAIN CHARACTER status, she ends up getting petrified.

For some reason, Nina gets sent through a glowing red portal.

“When I said I wanted to catch a big one, I didn’t mean a building!”

Nina shows up in the mysterious out-of-plot’s-way realm that Mashiro, Mai and Mikoto are already inhabiting.

Next episode…

“Gwakaka, I am evil!”

More characters materialise!

“I have some plot role!”

“As the original main character, I reserve the right to kick arse!”

“Nina, I…I love you!”

“…and I did not have HARD YURI with Ain!”

A lot has happened over the last three months, but I’m sure most will agree that events worldwide, personal and anime-related must all pale in comparison to the release we’ve all been waiting for- the second episode of Mai-Otome Zwei. In episode one, a mysterious Shadow Otome started petrifying powerful and God Mode supporting characters, Arika and Mashiro had an argument over generic protesters in Wind Bloom, and Mai and Arika protected Black Valley from a giant Slave of the week. This time around, Mai and Mashiro have gone missing for some reason, and on her way to find them, Arika finds herself in the middle of a bus-jacking in Aries. Exciting stuff, eh? No, I didn’t think so either.

Yes, for reasons best known to the dango-addled writers, the majority of this episode revolves around this rather uninspiring bus-jacking, as carried out by some ugly and generic terrorists who wish to force the release of Nagi and the withdrawal of peacekeeping forces from Artai. The chances of Nagi staying in prison always seemed slim, but this is surely a depressing turn of events, and so it is perhaps fortunate that it has not yet come to pass, for even as Yukino, Sarah and Chie resolve to handle the whole thing carefully, Haruka bursts onto the scene with a megaphone, blissfully unaware that the main character is one of the hostages on the bus.

At this point, for some reason we have to digress for some HiME service with the appearance of Wataru Ishigami (or Watarl Ishigermin as it now seems to be); formerly the evil art teacher and deflowerer of Yukariko, but now turned into an irritating candidate for the country’s next presidential election. Alongside him is his potential First Lady, who just happens to be none other than Tomoe (heaven forbid that any character not get a cameo). As if the whole bus-jacking story were not pointless enough, we now have to take a digression to watch him tour his campaign bus around, with Haruka yelling at him all the while.

By now you might be wondering “what the hell is this?” and “when is the plot going to go anywhere?”, to the extent that it actually seems something of a relief to get back to the terrorists. By this point, they have finally cottoned on to the fact that they have the main character in their custody, and they soon get a second named character when Yukino decides to trade herself for the generics on the bus so that she and Arika can talk about HARD YURI.

Fear not, however, for at long last, the action is about to begin, and if there’s one thing that can be said about this OVA, it’s that the hour produced so far has more action than all twenty-six episodes of the TV series combined (although then again, so does a twelve hour video of a man sleeping). Just as our bold Otome move in to defuse the terrorist situation with the aid of fat cat Mikoto, a bizarre and largely pointless series of monsters appear. First, a giant Plant Slave shows up, although according to Sarah, it’s actually a Child, prompting questions as to whether the producers have remembered this is Otome and not HiME they are working on. For some reason, however, the Child (or whatever it is) does not do anything other than split open to reveal some sort of Eva Unit 1 rip-off which everyone gets a chance to fight (except of course Arika since her master is god knows where). With that dispatched, the evil Shadow Otome stops watching from the sidelines and moves forward to fight with Sarah and Haruka, finally petrifying Haruka and flying off to await her next encounter in episode three.

Whilst viewers are left wondering what exactly any of that accomplished, Natsuki and Arika head off to drop into Nagi and presumably ask him about the situation. Meanwhile, in the depths of Artai, Nao is hanging out with moon Mikoto in a bar when Nina and an unknown companion (presumably Sergey) show up to ask when they will be getting some screen time. If it was up to me, they wouldn’t be, but then again, if it was up to me, this OVA would be all about fat cats…

Next episode: Otome wrestling? Seriously, the preview shows a wrestling ring and Nina in a mask, so maybe it’s time for her to put the smack down on Arika. In other news, expect cameos from Shiho, Akane, Rosalie, Laura, Maya and the Romulus and Annam Otome.

Observations and Speculation

• The Shadow Otome now looks a lot like Fumi, so it seems that she must have absorbed the Shinso before she came after Maria. Based on Sarah’s Materialisation, the Pillars are now using a surrogate system.
• Chie is now the leader of a Delta Otome squad in Artai, with what looks to be a generic as the Master of all four of them (the other three seem to be yet more new characters without names or much hope of airtime). Chie’s Robe includes a laughably out of place cane and magical hat.
• For someone who wears a Batgirl robe, Sarah is actually a worthy character; my appreciation for her has tripled in this episode.
• Where did Mashiro and Mai go, and why didn’t Arika know about it? Furthermore, where is human Mikoto? Is she stuck in Black Valley for some reason, or did she go with Mashiro and Mai (I didn’t hear her mentioned when the others said Mashiro and Mai were missing, though, unless she isn’t considered important enough to say anything about).
• What’s the deal with Artai anyway? Please don’t say Nagi is going to be let out of prison to help with the situation.
• There are of course many other questions, but they all run along the lines of “what is the point of this OVA?”, so there’s no point really listing them.

For my last few Otome articles, I’ve repeatedly said that I don’t have much more to say about the franchise. Now seems as good a time as any to admit that that never seems to be the case; until the day when I can play as Mikoto in my own isometric battle game, there will always be something more to say about Mai-Otome- and maybe one day I will even be clever enough to understand the complex plot that one troll commenter seems to believe it has.

Today’s topic is of course none other than the first instalment of the Zwei OVA, an episode so deep and exciting that I got far more out of watching it raw than I ever could have done in its subbed form. Our story begins with a select squad of Otome having been sent into space (presumably nanomachines are the answer to problems with breathing in space, heating caused by atmospheric friction and trifling scientific concerns) to save the world from a comet. Naturally, the more experienced and skilled Otome are no match for new meister Arika, who has no need of any power beyond that of being the main character. Thanks to the magical Zwei mode that supporting characters can only dream of, Arika is able to save the day and even make it into the local newspaper.

Unfortunately, Wind Bloom is not a happy place. Over the course of the TV series, Arika’s idealism was tempered whilst Mashiro learned to become a more compassionate ruler, but in the intervening year, they have lapsed back into their original personalities, ensuring that the only interesting thing about their lives is the presence of fat cat Mikoto (now drawn differently for some reason).

Still, fascinating as the day to day life of the leads must be, what is a series-based OVA without the resurgence of some previously unmentioned evil? This time around, the villain of the piece is a mysterious Shadow Otome, who conveniently petrifies Miyu, Shizuru and Maria to prevent any of them using God Mode abilities to easily end the threat. It wouldn’t be fair to expect the leads to fight the final boss straightaway, however, and so Arika and Mashiro are sent off to the Black Valley (now a merchandising haven beyond Sunrise’s most extravagant dreams), where they end up fighting a generic Slave-type monster with the help of Mai. Yes, the Mai-service is back in full force, with Mai finally getting more action than the mere cooking scene and repeated stock animation she was afforded in the series.

Naturally, with three episodes still to fill, things must get worse before they can eventually get better, and so it is that during the battle an argument between Arika and Mashiro causes the former to lose her Zwei mode and have to resort to that hideous puffy pink robe instead. No doubt we must have a couple of episodes of angst and persuading a reluctant Nina to step up to the fight before this power can return in time to defeat the final boss, leaving everyone to learn their lessons and live happily ever after until the Drei OVA.

Further Thoughts

What was the poll for?
As I mentioned in an earlier rant, the writers had such a clear and distinct vision of what they wanted to include in this OVA that they initially encouraged people to vote for which characters they wanted to see return. In the end, one must assume that all characters were voted for equally, for whilst not everyone appears in this episode, enough insignificant faces appear to persuade me that even the likes of “Coral Student A” will have at least a two second cameo by the time all four episodes have been shown. Then again, what would Otome be without a hopelessly overstaffed and underdeveloped cast?

Fat Cats
Although I have all but accepted that the mystery of the fat grey cats will never be solved, a new complication has arisen…this OVA features regular Mikoto, moon-Mikoto and the previously unseen Z-Mikoto, but where is human Mikoto’s old companion lambda-Mikoto (aka Jubei)? When will Sunrise realise that these chubby felines are the best thing about Otome?

Black mages?
In place of Jubei, Mikoto now has some attendant hooded people who bear a striking resemblance to Final Fantasy black mages. Exactly who these people are and what their purpose is (if any) remains unknown.

I’ve never been stuck for things to write about Mai-Otome- indeed, some might even venture to claim that I have already said enough about it. Nonetheless, such claims are not enough to deter me, and so the time has come to turn my sights to the recently completed Otome manga.

As I wrote in an earlier rant, for a while I was wary of even starting the Otome manga; if it was to the anime what the HiME manga was to its respective anime, the horrors contained within could easily be too much for any sane mind to bear. Even so, as the weeks passed, the nagging curiosity that has led me into so many dark and dangerous places persuaded me to download the manga and give it a try.

In its manga incarnation, Mai-Otome follows the adventures of ‘Manshiro’, a boy tasked with dressing up as the recently deceased Mashiro and taking her place as a student at Garderobe Academy. Also attending the school are numerous aspiring Otome, amongst them country bumpkin Arika and top students Nina and Erstin. Despite initially not knowing that he is a man, many of the students seem to have an unhealthy interest in waving their oversized assets at Manshiro; as much as they would like to indulge in risqué antics, however, an incredibly generic and pointless evil is rising, and only the destined powers of the main characters can stop it.

As you can no doubt guess from the above synopsis, Mai-Otome is not a series which is overly endowed with any kind of plot; in fact, for the first few chapters, each page is so confusing and incoherent that it is barely possible to tell what is going on. Fortunately, the series becomes easier to follow as it progress, although that does not mean that it attains any level of quality. If anything, the Otome manga is simply a showcase for all kinds of ‘service’; fanservice, HiME-service, traps- you name it, and Otome has it. Erstin has had quite a chest enhancement compared to her anime incarnation, so much so that she can now perform a special attack by vibrating her F-cup breasts- whilst the other females cannot boast such impressive chests, they are nonetheless all too willing to show off what they have. The HiME-service, meanwhile, is catered for by a later arc that summons dark HARD YURI versions of the HiME characters for no reason other than to titillate the readers.

That being said, like the Otome anime, the manga exerts a bizarre fascination not so much for what it is, but for what it could potentially become. In the right hands, the Otome world could create all sorts of interesting tales (see the permanently delayed but almost certainly coming in 2007 ‘True Otome’), and whilst that clearly isn’t the case in any of its incarnation, the franchise still demands attention.

It may not be able to win many fans with its content, but when it comes to artwork, Otome makes a much stronger showing. Despite a predilection for outfitting certain characters in bondage-style costumes, most of the Otome robes are well-designed and far superior to their anime counterparts; even when you don’t really know or care what is happening in the story, it is still possible to feast your eyes on the visuals.

Final Thoughts
From naked transformations to catgirl Mikoto, the Otome manga is pure fanservice from start to finish, without even the vaguest hint of a plot. It can’t really be called good in any sense of the word, but then again, when has Otome ever needed to be good to get us all watching, reading, talking and writing about it?

DVD Specials: From good to bad to much, much worse

Mai-HiME: the movie trailer
Released back in the days when I thought Otome wasn’t too bad, this trailer for the fictitious HiME movie seemed to affirm the fact that DVD extras could be amusing. Whether or not you knew that the movie was a fake, the trailer was something of a teaser, promising an amusing adventure in which the HiME are forced to fight the incredibly new transfer student, Arika Yumemiya. Of equal interest was a promised omake story in which HiME Mikoto finally realises that cat Mikoto was the big brother she had been searching for.

This Week’s Armitage
Special #2 is a serviceable entry into the extras section, documenting a slightly amusing day in the life of Aries’ Haruka Armitage. HiME in-jokes such as her desire to best ‘bubuzuke woman’ Shizuru abound, and all-in-all, Haruka receives more character development here than she does in the course of the series. Unfortunately, we are also treated to a ‘fun’ moment from the series in which Arika’s robe is vaporised.

Juliet’s Conspiracy
Matters take a downturn from here in this ‘revealing’ segment that tells us just what favour the Corals ended up undertaking for Nao in exchange for her in-series help. It’s hardly surprising to discover that what she needs is for them to model lingerie, and underwear-related antics soon ensue, with some Nina x Erstin thrown in. Many will no doubt like the sound of this, but I can’t say it did much for me.

Shiho Spirals
Although it was later surpassed by special 6, Special #4 became a new low point when it was first released. This instalments tells the tale of the survival trek from Shiho’s perspective, which is to say that we are treated to several minutes of stock footage with an overlaid spiral whilst Shiho Maki Maki’s everyone in voice-over. The only original scene is a mushroom fuelled piece, showing us Shiho’s home planet of Jouromaki along with her grandmother, a giant turner.

By the Red Sky
After a minute or so of stock footage, Akane and Kazuya take the spotlight here, as we see them cruelly ripped apart at the love motel so that Kazu can become the ruler of Carlteya, and Akane can be blackmailed by Maya into returning to the Otome fold instead of losing her qualifications in a night of passion. An improvement over the last two specials, but still none too exciting.

Graduation Memories
The lingerie party gave us fanservice, Shiho gave us stock footage- how could Sunrise possibly top a selection like that? The answer, of course, is to combine the two into one neat package, and call it a DVD special. In that vein, this special is an Erstin flashback prompted by the letter she left Nina; half stock footage, and half an original scene in which Arika, Erstin and Nina all take a bath together. Thanks to Nao, Arika has adopted quite a disturbing method of helping Erstin to wash, involving such acts as rubbing her groin along Erstin’s leg; after this, most fanservice/ecchi series will seem distinctly tame.

In the Village of the Aswald
Charting how Midori and the Aswald came to find and rescue Arika after the flight from Wind Bloom, this special manages to save itself from complete mediocrity by including a fair helping of the best part of the franchise- fat cat Mikoto. As a dedicated Mikoto fan, I had once imagined what it would be like if Mikoto Materialised, and indeed here she does just that, granting my long-held wish. Unfortunately, this means that Mikoto’s turn in the spotlight is most likely over, and we will never unravel the mysteries of this race of fat, grey cats.

Upcoming
The eighth DVD is already listed on the official Otome website and from the looks of it, the accompanying special will feature Natsuki and Mai reminiscing in the Black Valley hotsprings *yawn*. The ninth special will apparently feature Mai HiME vs Mai Otome.

Tomoe’s Schemes: I Kill you scum
After writing the last rant, I was left with the feeling that I hadn’t really said enough about Tomoe’s psychotic schemes. Fuelled by her love of Shizuru and her jealousy of the attention new girl Arika received from beloved onee-sama, Tomoe spearheaded a campaign designed to hurt Arika and aid the course of true love. Now, for the first time, Tomoe’s seven step plan can be published for all to benefit from.

1. Recruit an underling (Miya) to do all the dirty work and eventually take the fall for it. Have her discredit Arika by stealing her uniform so that Arika will be blamed for losing it. Unfortunately, Miya will sell the uniform for money and the plan will backfire, but the official explanation will place the blame at Mikoto’s paws.

2. Take advantage of Shiho’s creation of eel-like monsters that are destroyed by salt by switching the salt bags with sugar bags, resulting in the creation of a giant tentacle monster when the sugar is poured into the swimming pool where the monsters reside. You can’t go wrong with a tentacle monster, no matter how pointless it may seem.

3. Use Miya to arrange for Arika to be raped and lose her Otome qualifications. The plan is bound to fail, as they always must, but Miya can take the blame and get kicked out.

4. Steal acid from an important but poorly guarded lab and try to spill it on Arika. Erstin gets in the way, but it is important to make the effort.

5. After the takeover of Wind Bloom, sign up for the side of evil as soon as possible. As a Valkyrie, you can beat up anyone who calls you a mobile armour reject.

6. Convince the imprisoned Shizuru that her dearest Natsuki is dead so that she will transfer her affections to you. Have your way with her in a baby equipment fetish room, unaware that she is the one playing you.

7. Allow Shizuru to escape after she ties you up during a particularly enjoyable bondage game. Fight for the side of evil, lose, experience slight back discomfort due to falling several thousand feet, and finally experience great frustration at being relegated offscreen.

The manga
For many months, I swore that I would not try the Otome manga. The HiME manga was much worse than the anime, and if the same rule applied, then the Otome manga surely had to be an offering of unbelievable direness. By now, however, you will know how it goes- I just can’t get the better of my sense of curiosity.

The Otome manga follows a very different path from the anime; following the apparent death of Queen Mashiro of Wind Bloom, a young boy (“Manshiro”) is given the task of dressing up as Mashiro and attending Garderobe in her place. Harem fun soon ensues as he befriends country bumpkin Arika and top student Nina, whilst in the wider world, Slaves named after historical figures are sent to attack the Otome.

I’ve read twenty chapters of this (there are 44 in total), and I have to admit that amongst the expected awfulness there are a few grains of merit. Every so often, the world of the Otome manga reveals details that make it more complex and developed than the shallow politics of the anime. It should be made clear, however, that this is no way gives the manga any kind of exceptional merit. The series is filled with fanservice and ecchi moments beyond anything seen in the other aspects of the franchise (except perhaps the Otome Super H manga). Erstin is now an F-cup with a special ability that depends upon the vibrations of her breasts; characters have a ‘relaxed’ approach to removing their clothes, investigating each other’s bodies, sleeping in the same bed and sharing a shower, whilst naked transformation scenes are nothing short of mandatory. Admittedly there is more action than in the anime (a shame, then, that manga is not a good medium for action scenes), but the story itself ranges from thin to nonsensical, featuring such delights as ‘generic evil villain’ Sergey, and dark HiME summoned from another world.

Final thoughts: Is the Mai franchise really all it’s cracked up to be?
(‘Crack’ being the operative word in more than one sense.)
With the R1 DVD release, I have begun rewatching Mai-HiME (or My-HiME, if you prefer), and whilst the first four episodes seemed as enjoyable as they always had been, I began to feel a creeping disappointment when I came to watch volume two. The volume begins on a weak episode with some Mai/Takumi angst, and despite the introduction of Midori-HiME, it is slow to recover, only getting back up to par with the loss of Kazuya. Even this once dramatic and tragic scene seemed a little lacking this time around- we barely knew or cared about Akane and Kazu, after all.

Thanks to this bad experience, I now find myself loath to rewatch the rest of the series- having enjoyed it so much first time, will I find myself horribly disappointing on closer inspection? Did HiME, in fact, only ever seem good in the first place in comparison to its poor sibling Otome? Has the magic, at last, died?

Regardless of that, events indicate that I will be watching the rest of HiME sooner or later, and worse than that, the Otome OVA, Mai-Otome Zwei, will soon be upon us. Despite the title’s alarming similarity to the dreaded Gravion Zwei, and the promotional picture proudly displaying Arika, Nina and Mashiro, little doubt remains- no matter what awfulness the franchise has in store, I will be dragged along with it.

In October 2005, life seemed good; a sequel to Mai-HiME had begun airing in Japan, and it seemed to be all anyone could talk about. Fans of the original were looking forward to bigger and better adventures, whilst newcomers to the franchise were looking forward to finally seeing what all the fuss was all about. Flash forward half a year, and the embittered survivors could only agree on one thing- somewhere along the line, something had gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Back in those heady days when the whole thing was bathed in the rosy light of potential, we were content with our lot. Our lead, Arika Yumemiya, wanted to become an Otome, and we were fairly sure that would come to pass. It seemed almost certain that she would make friends and enemies, and that most of the enemies would probably realise the error of the ways and turn into yet more friends by the end. Yes, it was standard stuff, but we remained confident; there’d be comedy to tide us through the introductory sections, action and drama later on, and above all, character and plot development. It was only reasonable to expect that, wasn’t it?

Okay, so enough of the melodramatic foreshadowing; chances are if you’re reading this, then you’re already know what went wrong with Otome- you just want to see me rip it apart. And so, without further ado, let us move on to what, for lack of a better word, I shall call the plot.

The story: a rollercoaster ride of…what was this all meant to be about, anyway?
The myriad problems with Otome’s plot can perhaps be attributed to a lack of communication- not only did no one suggest to the writers that it might be a good idea to talk to each other and figure out some sort of consistent plot, but it seems that no one even realised until about three weeks before the end that they actually only had 26 episodes to work with, and not, as they had previously thought, at least 52.

To be fair, it all started well enough; Arika decides that becoming an Otome is the only thing for her and transfers into Garderobe Academy, where the expansive cast covers everything from friends, rivals and teachers right down to your everyday borderline psychotic classmate who has a serious yet pretty much unwarranted grudge against our cheerful lead. There were even a few attacks from mechanical Slave monsters- a sure sign, or so it seemed, that a dissatisfied faction or two was waiting in the wings to stir up trouble.

Yes, it was all pretty entertaining, and in our naïveté, we believed that, like HiME, it was all building up to something greater. To the trained eye of hindsight, however, even then the cracks were beginning to show. Take the nano-machines for example- convenient little devices which are injected into an Otome and allow the transformation from disturbing maid-like uniform into a fighting ‘Robe’, complete with weapon. Putting aside such trivialities as how they create weapons and robes out of nothingness, or why the whole thing depends on gems that link an Otome to a Master or to “Shinso-sama” (more on that later), who would possibly create such advanced technology and then leave it susceptible to ‘male protein’, so that selected characters can angst over becoming an Otome or throwing it all away for a night in bed with the boyfriend?

Still, you expect these gimmicks in anime, and so we forged ahead, pacified by the fact that Mikoto, once a human in the days of HiME, now seemed to have taken on the form of a lazy yet huggable fat grey cat. Things trundled ahead in this manner until we reached the first warning herald- the infamous ‘beach episode’ had reached us as early as episode six. Such episodes are not uncommon in anime, but you usually expect them to occur closer to the middle of the series, a comedy break between one story arc and the next. Fair enough, you might say, only Otome hadn’t even bothered to give us a story arc in the first place- we were, in effect, taking a filler break from what was pretty much filler to start with.

Nonetheless, maybe it was best to get the throwaway episodes out of the way early, and indeed, come episode seven, it seemed our faith in the series was to be rewarded. Here, at last, things were happening; Mikoto led Mashiro and Arika under the castle to a Harmonium guarded by a shadowy human Mikoto; a monster attacks, gems conveniently appear out of Arika’s pendant and before you know it, Mashiro and Arika are fully fledged Master and Otome. Arika’s new puffy pink Robe could only mean one thing- events had finally started moving…hadn’t they?

As it turned out, however, this was to be the first of many ‘teases’ the series had to offer, each time dangling the promise of plot development in front of us, only to snatch it cruelly away. For come next episode, it was back to school for Arika, complete with a new set of minor misadventures as she and Mashiro tried to hide their new gems and contract whilst searching for a way to break the bond.

Fair enough, though, every important event needs an aftermath, and so it was with some optimism that the next arc was approached- a two-parter centred on the Coral students’ survival hike. A danger-filled trek through the wilderness of Ealis/Aeris could surely offer some action, especially when Midori and her gang of cyborg rangers showed up. Finally, Natsuki and the others could stop sitting around at the base and sending out unfortunate Pearls to taste the unappetising meals (and magic mushrooms) that the Corals had prepared for dinner. We even got a decent action scene when Shizuru and Haruka plunged into battle against Midori and her team, but alas, it was over too quickly.

It was around this point that I began to worry. Like many others, I was still convinced that all sorts of epic and grandiose things were set to occur in the poorly defined ‘later on’, but it seemed to me that we were approaching the middle of the series awfully quickly, and if the writers wanted everything to be ready for said ‘later on’, they’d better start getting on with it.

As if sensing our disquiet, Sunrise decided to give us something to take our minds off it- no, not some actual development, but a good healthy dose of what can only be called “HiME-service”. Yes, it was time to call in a pair of HiME characters who had yet to feature in the series- Takumi and Akira, now ruler of Zipang and bodyguard respectively. Together with their entourage, they make a visit to Mashiro’s queendom of Windbloom, but to add a little ‘excitement’ to proceedings, both Mashiro and Takumi have bunked off their royal duties, leaving Arika and Akira to fill in for them. Naturally, the two monarchs end up meeting in town anyway, and end up going on a brief date designed to enlighten Mashiro on a) the fact that not everyone is as well off as she is, and b) she should start realising that she needs to transform from bratty queen into enlightened ruler. At the time, it was an entertaining twenty-five minutes, but in the context of the series, it turned out to be ultimately pointless; Takumi and Akira weren’t glimpsed again until the very end of the series, whilst Mashiro’s “good queen” transformation was still some way away.

Moving on, and more HiME-service was in the works, this time focussing on HiME’s ill-fated couple, Akane and Kazuya. With no Miyu nearby to destroy her child and turn her boyfriend into green sparkles, Akane had a whole new set of issues to angst about- should she accept the offer of becoming Florence’s Otome, or give it all up and elope with dear Kazu-kun? Naturally, having fought off a Slave and made the decision that the Otome life was truly for her, Akane’s decision is turned upside down when Kazuya shows up at the meister ceremony and the couple rides happily off into the sunset. One could argue that it was a charmingly romantic ending for a character that got a bad deal last time around, but at the same time, why does it always have to be the woman who throws everything away to go with the man? Can’t we have some strong female characters who aren’t angsting about men all the time?

Gender issues aside, Sunrise were clearly on a roll by this time, because they decided to throw in another angle to keep the HiME fan(boy)s happy- snippets of info on none other than Mai Tokiha herself. And, along with a legend explaining about how she too was torn between her duty as the Fire String Ruby Otome and her love for a man (sigh), it even seemed as if the story train was finally about to pull out of the station when an Otome vs. Otome conflict suddenly broke out between the countries of Romulus and Remus.

This, surely, had to be it- the beginning of a war that would suck in the entire world, a war that would see friends pitted against each other and the strength of the Otome-Master bond tested to its limit. Forget all the missteps of the first half of the series, from hereon in, we’d finally be tucking into the true meat of the series. Only, as we should have guessed, it was not to be. All we got was a scene filled with smoke, a half-second glimpse of the Romulus Otome and Shizuru’s investigation of the ‘crime scene’, before the writers decided it was time to move onto a far more important arc- Sergey angst.

Maybe it’s just bad memories of Dragonball Z, but I’ve never held much liking for blonde, spiky-haired male characters in anime, and the appropriately named Sergey Wang was not about to be an exception to that rule. And yet, despite being a character who inspired indifference at the best of times, Sergey had somehow won the heart of two underage girls- his adoptive daughter Nina, and of course Arika herself. In short order, our screens were awash with angst as feelings clashed with ambitions, although Nina was not yet destined to realise that she and Arika both loved the same man- that was to come later.

By this point, everything seemed to be on a downward spiral- hope was rapidly draining away, and even the shock factor of Tomoe and Miya arranging for Arika to be raped (and thus lose the right to be an Otome) lasted for the five seconds it took “Never fear, Sergey’s here” to rescue her. Still, much like Macbeth, we’d come so far that we might as well see it through; and just at the point when we were drowning in angst, a shining light of promise appeared in the form of the series’ second opening.

Forget the cheesy J-Pop that accompanied it, it was the opening video that brought us renewed vigour. There, arrayed before us, was everything we could hope for- scenes of massive, all encompassing battles, new characters, unexpected alliances, meister Arika vs meister Nina, and even the one person the fanboys had hoped for- Mai, complete with all-new Otome robes and a giant fire element ring. There was much debate to be had over when and how the scenes we had glimpsed would come to pass, but finally, we had solid proof that the series was going somewhere.

Yet as always, we were being far too lenient and forgiving- Otome was far from done screwing us over. It was far too late to get to this dramatic, war-torn future via any sort of natural, well-paced progression, and so it was up to the next couple of episodes to suddenly sprint ahead into this new and untested territory. Within the space of a couple of episodes, our final arc villains Nagi and the poorly-named John Smith had taken over Fuuka Castle, summoned an army of Slaves, jammed the Shinso-sama system that allows Coral, Pearl and Pillar Otome to materialise without a master and left Wind Bloom and its inhabitants in quite a sorry state. The writers had even gone so far as to kill a named character off, forcing poor Erstin to become master to a Slave, fight against Arika, lose, and turn into green sparkles. As if that weren’t enough, that same battle saw Nina finally realise that Sergey was not hers and hers alone, causing her to activate the convenient plot device entitled the Ultimate Black Diamond and thus become Nagi’s Otome and frontline pin-up for the side of evil.

It was a spurt of plot-related activity, to be sure, but even that much seemed to empty the Sunrise fuel tanks of creativity, and thus it was back into something below first gear for the next few episodes to let everyone recover. Our new focus- Mashiro and Arika, now stuck out in the desert together with a load of Wind Bloom refugees and Midori’s people, and what better time for obligatory character development? Mashiro was first to come under the spotlight, with the proximity to her subjects finally prompting her to realise that their opinion of her isn’t what you’d call favourable. Even death seemed to be fully switched on when the angry refugee mob pushed poor Aoi off a cliff. Despite the fact that Aoi had done little in the series apart from carry Mikoto around, there was a quiet dignity about her sacrifice that made it much more compelling than Erstin’s end. As we were soon to discover, however, falling from any height isn’t really much to worry about in the world of Otome- all Aoi suffered was a few bumps and bruises and a short stay in the hospital.

Watching your own people seemingly kill your maid is enough to turn anyone into a good queen, however, but whilst Mashiro was resolving to finally grow up a little, for Arika, a whole new world of angst was beginning. After finding out from Midori that the Shinso-sama system is actually powered by the body of Fumi, the very first Otome and that technology, in general, has not been terribly beneficial to the planet, Arika swears never to use her Otome powers again, not realising, of course, that any main character who vows to lay down their sword (or equivalent) is inevitably forced to take it up again within the space of about five minutes. Even the power of an Otome, however, could not be enough to save the life of the series’ next casualty- “Cagalli Jr.” lookalike Mimi.

At this point, you could be forgiven for thinking your memory had failed you as you struggled to remember who Mimi was- as a named character whose death seems significant to the plot, surely she must be important. Well, the answer to that is no- she’s just a small blonde Wind Bloom refugee of previously indeterminate gender who popped up a few times before, and whose name was never even mentioned until her death. Perhaps by this point Sunrise were beginning to tread carefully- killing off a major, or worse yet, a former HiME character, could incite fan uprisings, so why not just stick with the safe option of a character no one could possibly care about all that much?

By now the end of the series was distinctly visible on the horizon, but even as Nina became the supreme Harmonium mistress of evil and most of the other characters ran around and accomplished little, there was still time for another dose of what Otome does best- that’s right, an arc that goes nowhere! Smith may be busying himself using the body of former Wind Bloom Otome Rena (also Arika’s mother) as a Shinso-sama for Tomoe’s new Valkyrie unit of mobile armour/Alter rejects, but who cares about that- let’s focus on Carlteya’s leader Argoss and his Otome Fia. Their goals were unclear and ultimately unfulfilled when they become the next ‘safe’ pair of characters to kill off, courtesy of Midori and Gakutenoh.

That little diversion aside, and there’s still one wish the Otome writers had yet to fulfil- yes, that’s right, Mai and human Mikoto still hadn’t made an appearance. Insult the series, if you like, claim the fanboys, but once Mai appears, it’ll all be worthwhile. Never mind that taking time out to introduce an old favourite is episode 16-17 stuff, and that by this point we’re actually on episode 23, let’s have Mashiro and Arika end up in an out-of-the-way valley inhabited by Mai, human Mikoto, god mode android Miyu and a couple of grey fat cats not unlike cat Mikoto.

As an excuse for the whole exercise, Miyu happened to clear up the whole “who is the real queen of Wind Bloom, and who is Rena’s daughter?” question, and even have Natsuki and Nao show up later so that the story can move on, but if the writers have learned anything, it’s how to gloss over various other unanswered story points. What happened to Mai’s whole love story with silhouetted Tate/Sergey? Why is Mikoto supposedly the god of cats and the last true HiME (complete with birthmark)? Why is everyone relaxing in a hotspring when there’s less than 80 minutes of animation left to finish the story? If you want explanations for all that, then I’m sorry folks, but you’ll have to make them up yourself. Oh, and for anyone who, like me, began to suspect that Mikoto’s fat grey cats were the key to everything, then I’m sorry to disappoint you, but they don’t even appear in the last three episodes.

Whilst the happy reunion concludes with Mikoto promising to train Arika (her “I don’t want to be an Otome” angst is long over), we leave them to get on with it offscreen for a final check in on the bad guys before the grand finale. This time, it’s Nina’s turn to angst as some budget saving flashbacks remind her of all the fun she had in the simpler times with Arika and Erstin. In a situation like this, there’s only one thing to do- sleep with Sergey so that Nagi can no longer abuse her Otome powers. As we are randomly informed at this point, there are unspecified loopholes for being with men, so whether or not they actually do the deed is unclear; the only thing that becomes certain by next episode is that even if they did (all together: ewww), it didn’t work.

So, after all that, and much more of lesser import that I haven’t related, we reach the final hour. Somewhere in the writers’ room, someone pulled out the sofa and finally found the memo explaining that the whole series was only supposed to last 26 episodes. Realising they had to construct an ending, the staff were left with no choice but to hurriedly rewatch old series- Gundam Seed, Destiny, even Outlaw Star proved useful. This was it, the ultimate showdown between good and evil, in which good would inevitably prevail, but only after a while.

Practically every character we’d met, and even a few we hadn’t, had to be called up to fight, and to fit them all in, deus ex machina had to be used like it never had been before. Each time a group of heroes got into trouble, the next wave of protagonists arrived on the scene and saved them, and even if the prior group didn’t seem to be struggling it was their duty to stand around and await rescue.

Middling enemies were finally to be vanquished, but in keeping with the series’ limited death policy, survival was essential. Tomoe, for example, fell from a height of several thousand feet and seemed to suffer little other damage than a bad back, before falling to the greater affliction known as “lack of screen time or story resolution”. Somewhere along the line, Otome-Master and Otome-Shinso contracts became irrelevant as everyone became Highly-advanced Materialising Equipment (that’s right, HiME).

In the tradition of so many series, however, the majority of the cast could only assist in the final showdown- who needs Otome who’ve had years of training and experience when you’ve got a main character at your side? No-one has ever fought over a man the way Arika and Nina did, somehow achieving maximum power levels far above the planet’s surface thanks to the “final episode” special ability. And when, all was said and done, their robes burned away as they re-entered the atmosphere, yet where lesser objects would have burnt up or crash-landed, their naked bodies safely made it to the surface.

And so, we reached the closing minutes, pretty much everyone (except the villains and the few casualties) was happy once again, Nina was off somewhere tending an amnesiac Sergey, and the fat cats were mysteriously absent from the joyous celebrations. We, the viewers, were left with the bitter taste of disappointment in our mouths, but at the same time, a kind of relief that the whole sorry mess was done with. Only, like the many cruel tricks that Otome had already played…there was more to come. Even now, in trepidation, we await the release of a short OVA, an OVA so well thought out that each official announcement about it contradicts the last, so carefully planned that the studio needs to run a poll to see which characters viewers would like to see strut their stuff once again. Yes, in a cruel world where plush Mikotos have already been discontinued, this is the disappointing legacy Otome leaves us.

Lights, camera, action…okay, forget the action
One topic that really deserves its own side rant is the action scenes, or rather the lack of them. Here we have no lack of highly trained (and lesser trained) women who are frequently described as weapons, yet the series boasts precious little in the way of decent fight scenes. Sunrise gave us HiME, they gave us S-CRY-ed, they’ve given us any number of Gundams duking it out- but when Otome even approaches something resembling a battle, it takes longer to materialise and strike a set of stock poses than it does to actually fight.

Characters: safety in numbers
A lot has been written already, but it isn’t enough to finish it here; Otome just leaves us with too much to rant about. As I’ve mentioned a couple of times above, Otome’s cast isn’t what you call small or focussed- quite frankly, it’s a sprawling, expansive mess. As the episodes go by, character upon character joins the cast, with many of them having little development other than to announce their names (and at the end you may hard pressed to remember them all anyway). True, every show must have those who play a supporting role, but Otome seems to take pleasure in making characters look as if they’re going to have some importance, and then relegating them off screen once their five seconds of fame are up.

Arika
Our annoyingly cheerful lead, Arika takes everything you expect but don’t really like about a main character, and somehow succeeds in making it worse. She angsts over a man old enough to be her father, she angsts over being an Otome, and quite frankly sometimes she just needs a good slap.

Nina
Arika’s opposite number, the moody “rival-turned friend-turned bitter enemy” with a disturbing father complex. She goes from reasonable character to dull villain in the time it takes to say “Ultimate Black Diamond”, and wrecks a big chunk of the world just so she can please Sergey/be with Sergey/save Sergey’s life.

Mashiro
A far cry from her HiME incarnation, Mashiro is the kind of character who exists for viewers to first hate, then come to like, then finally feel sorry for when it takes her two-thirds of the series to realise that she’s an awful ruler, that her people hate her, and that they’ve just tossed her maid off a cliff.

Erstin
One of the series’ scant casualties, the friendly, kind-hearted glue that binds Nina and Arika together until the appointed time when she must depart so that they can become enemies. Apparently she believes that the advanced Otome technology should be used for the good of everyone, but it’s hard to develop a point like that when the person expounding it dies two seconds later. Quite frankly, she’s so nice that she’s boring.

Tomoe
Every hero needs a rival out to get them for no good reason, and Tomoe is Arika’s. All she wants is for her beloved Shizuru to notice her, and to that end she enacts no end of increasingly cruel schemes on Arika, before finally slipping over the edge into full psychosis, joining the side of evil as a Valkyrie, capturing Shizuru and playing bizarre bondage games with her involving pacifiers and other baby equipment.

Akane+Kazuya
So this time around, Akane actually gets to be with Kazuya, and they leave the story and live happily ever after…right? Alas no, for what would the grand finale be without as many named characters as possible taking part? Whilst taking things slow in a relationship is commendable, nearly half a series passes between them riding off into the sunset and actually getting the chance to get intimate in a rather seedy and out of place looking love motel. Unfortunately, said intimacy is interrupted by Carlteya’s own Ku Klux Klan, who cart Kazuya off to become the country’s new leader, whilst virgin Akane is pressed back into service as an Otome. On the plus side, she does get quite a nice nekomimi robe.

Chie
Poor Chie, what was your role in the plot actually meant to be? Aside from waving blue roses around and going on the occasional date with Aoi, not much, it seems. Initially destined to become Haruka’s aide, this plot point seems to be completely forgotten five seconds after it is introduced, and for some reason Chie ends up joining the Valkyries, only to unsurprisingly betray them (supposedly impossible) thanks to the power of…Maki Maki. If there was ever any reason not to join the Valkyries, it was the terrible outfits, but there’s no accounting for taste.

Shiho
Maki Maki, Maki Maki, Maki Maki…gone is Shiho’s onii-chan complex of the HiME days; instead she is obsessed with spirals and their bizarre power to bring misfortune to people. The Maki Maki joke is overused to the point where not only is there a mushroom-induced scene of Shiho-wasp and her hapless lackeys stealing the spiral from a snail shell, but she even gets her own DVD special about it. In case anyone was about to complain though, Maki Maki quickly gets a purpose shoved in at the end (see above), and Shiho gets a bizarre robe with a skull on the crotch to make up for the fact that the writers had forgotten their promise to make her Florence’s Otome.

Nao
She only wants to graduate from Garderobe so that she can marry a rich man, her striped shirt and beret cast serious aspersions on her fashion sense- and yet for some inexplicable reason, she is chosen to become one of the Five Pillars. If you liked the look of her Spiderwoman robe in the second OP though, prepare to be disappointed; you won’t even get to see it until the end.

Natsuki
Natsuki, such a great character in HiME, now the barely effectual principal of Garderobe with questionable taste in outfits (Shizuru is still at her side, though). You could be forgiven for wondering, as I did, if she had failed to actually become an Otome since she doesn’t even materialise until the latter half of the series.

Shizuru
Since Natsuki doesn’t do much other than sit in her office (something that Shizuru herself did much better in HiME anyway), if you need someone to materialise and take part in the series’ handful of action scenes, you’d better call on Shizuru. She even has inbuilt ‘gaydar’ to detect people who are disguising their gender, and infinite capacity to deal with Tomoe’s bizarre bondage games until the time is right to escape.

Yukino+Haruka
Gone is the useless plant Child Diana, Yukino is now a president who doesn’t get to do much, whilst Haruka is comic relief in an Otome robe. A pale shadow of the HiME days, but memorable for the lines “You can’t just slap Otome on the butt!” “Then where can I slap?”

Sergey
Sergey- the invincible ‘love machine’. His goal was clearly to sabotage Natsuki and Shizuru’s idea of a perfect lesbian academy by making Arika and Nina fall in love with him, just the latest two additions in a list that included Arika’s mother. He may not have flashy attacks or the ability to materialise, but his stamina is incredible- he survived both Miyu’s god mode attacks and getting shot in the back (oddly blood started running down his face when the latter occurred). Even at the end he failed to die, instead losing his memories and starting over in some unknown location with beloved Nina.

Nagi
One year, you’re dancing on rooftops, the next you’re an evil ruler with grand designs for domination. After teasing Mashiro and acting in a way that made others suspicious but unable to act, Nagi went on to enter standard villain mode, only to get defeated and shackled into a chain gang at the end. The questions we have to ask ourselves are a) what was he actually trying to achieve other than to be an obvious antagonist and b) do we really care anyway?

John Smith
With such a bad name and character design, it’s hard to take Smith seriously, or even avoid bursting out into laughter anytime a character intones “John Smith”. Introduced as a negotiator (perhaps an inferior relative of Big O’s Roger Smith), intermediate villain Smith seemed to become fatter and less detailed as the series progressed, until finally he met his end and joined the short list of deceased named characters.

Yukariko
I always felt sorry for Yukariko in HiME- not because she had fallen in love with a complete bastard, but because her character design was so uninspired you could use a default RPG Maker sprite to approximate it. She wouldn’t even be worthy of mention here except that her teaching uniform is awful, and even her robe is really bad.

Maria
For weeks and weeks everyone wondered- would there come a time when the aging Maria would reveal her powers, and we’d be treated to a disturbingly wrinkly Materialise? Well, as was revealed in the final episode, Maria actually turns into an attractive young woman in Otome form- what wasn’t explained is exactly why this should be the case, nor indeed why none of her closest colleagues seemed to know about it.

Argoss+Fia
Like so much else in Otome, the reason for Argoss and Fia’s existence, and the specifics of what they were trying to achieve, are left to the imagination. The only thing worth commenting on is the mysterious hole in the back of Fia’s robe- just why is there such an obvious vulnerability?

Mai
Just as god mode Kira came to Destiny, so fans hoped that Mai would soon come to Otome so that the series would magically become good and everyone could finally forget about all this silly Arika business. Sensing how many people thought this, the promise of Mai was dangled in front of us for episode upon episode- she even featured in the second OP. As it turned out, however, Mai was not to show up until episode 23, where she uses all her mighty Otome powers to…cook a meal. Never fear, though, for she shows up again in the finale to play a minor role, and even gets to use the exact same attack she used in the OP!

Mikoto
Another dose of HiME-service to little good effect- Mikoto is the last HiME, a god mode level being who is apparently the god of cats and has control over a number of fat grey cats (at least one of which is named after her). You want explanations for all that? Well sorry, but there aren’t any, and it’s a shame, because the fat grey cats were the best thing about the series.

Miyu+’Alyssa’
Seemingly the same Miyu that was in HiME, Miyu is the god mode android to end all god mode androids. She has incredible powers, to be used for the good of the plot, mysterious abilities, also to be used to the good of the plot, and does various things which make very little sense except that they are necessary to the plot. She also has a bird called Alyssa, and a tendency to watch over the descendants of the real Alyssa, which mysteriously include Arika.

Midori+cyborgs
HiME Midori made every scene she appeared in that much greater; Otome Midori is just a moody leader ever stuck at seventeen years old who gets a ‘REM’ gem in her hand whilst her poor followers (Reito included) have to become clunking cyborgs. You’ll sense a pattern beginning to emerge here when I mention that her motives are unclear and she has an unexplained past connection with Yohko. She is, however, the only character who gets to summon their Child.

Rena
Arika’s mother, Rena is seen in the very first scene of the series, in Otome form in the second OP, and her corpse is later used as the Valkyrie Shinso-sama until Arika is forced to destroy it in one of those moments that are far less dramatic and emotional than they are meant to be.

…and the rest
Indeed, there are many more characters that played such a minor role that it hardly seems worth commenting on them- almost the entire HiME cast, plus endless Otome, plus unattractive looking aging Masters, all listed for your convenience on the official Otome website.

And so, this rather lengthy rant finally concludes, and while you may be wondering why I went to the effort of writing this when Otome is so awful, it wasn’t just because it was bad, but because it deserved to be so much better. Therefore, coming soon to late never, expect “Otome as it should have been”, an improved version of the story (well, it could hardly be worse than it is now, could it?).